


Halfway

by whateverfandomworks



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Coda, Eventual Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Idiots in Love, Kid Fic, M/M, POV Danny "Danno" Williams, POV Steve McGarrett, Past Steve McGarrett/Carson Rodes, Past Steve McGarrett/Catherine Rollins, Slow Burn, but there's spoilers for the whole show, danny williams is tired, everyone else is Done, mentions of domestic violence related to S08E18, mentions of sexual abuse related to S07E19, slow ass burn guys have patience please, steve mcgarrett is a mess and not as smooth as he thinks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 176,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27025657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whateverfandomworks/pseuds/whateverfandomworks
Summary: Steve McGarrett was a lot of things. Stubborn. Smart. Selfless. Loved, though he didn’t know it as well as he should. Strong. Loving, though he didn’t know what to do with it most of the time.And Danny Williams was a lot of things too. Loyal. Loved and loving. Trustworthy, like he didn’t know any other way to be. Loud. Trusting, to those who earned it.This is a story about Steve McGarrett finding out what he really needs in life and that maybe what he needs isn't always what he thought he wanted when he was a 20-something SEAL going through life one mission at time and barely acknowledging that feelings were a real thing.This is a story about Danny Williams letting himself have the things he always wanted.But if you look at it, turn it upside down and squint, this is a story about Nahele Huikala and Grace Williams and their stupid parents falling in love slowly but surely.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 109
Kudos: 219





	1. If you could follow your heart gently

**Author's Note:**

> *EDIT - January 4th, editing tags and typos for the first few chapters  
> January 26th - fixing typos and making some small text changes on chapter 10
> 
> This is my first ever fanfic! This is also the most self indugent story I have ever written in my entire life! My OCs are all staring at me after I abandoned them to write this story a month ago.
> 
> This is basically me on my hundreth rewatch of this show during social isolation, looking at whatever happened on canon and going: no no no, that's not how that happened.  
> The story is my tribute to the things I loved in canon and my sucker punch to the things PL royally messed up. Consider this a long winded multi character study with a plot
> 
> It starts out at the end of season 6 and will go from there until the series finale and maybe a bit into the future (who knows, not me), but there will be some flashbacks too. I'm still writing it and I'll try to keep up with semi-regular posting schedule, and this might be a little weird (Again, my first ever fanfic), but even though this is going to be a two part fic, i'm not going to divide it in two separate works on AO3 or at least I'm not planning to
> 
> If you want to scream with me about canon or about this fic, here's my tumblr: [**Tumblr**](https://whateverfandomworks.tumblr.com)  
>  Sometimes I do some fanart and post it on twitter (but I post it on tumblr too): [**Twitter**](https://twitter.com/ArtFlaviaAlbert)
> 
> PS: I'll be updating the archive warning as the story goes on  
> PPS: i made a playlist, not specifically for this fic, more as a general collection of songs that remind me of steve, mcdanno, made think of steve post 10x22 and other headcanons: [**SpotifyPlaylist**](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2EkpirfB2QaMA4GesMEU20?si=1i8vW898RJWiygxZipV3NQ)

-

**PROLOGUE – PART 01**

-

Steve McGarrett was a lot of things. Stubborn. Smart. Selfless. Loved, though he didn’t know it as well as he should. Strong. Loving, though he didn’t know what to do with it most of the time.

He had a misguided moral compass at the best of times and trust issues that could go a mile long. Control issues that showed its ugly head whenever a mistake would cost too much. Or whenever a certain detective was involved. “Go on, get out of here!”, was what Freddy yelled out when Steve didn’t want to be in control anymore, when all he wanted was to keep him safe. “How long do you want me to stay?”, was a loaded question that turned into a situation Steve thought he could control with an allotrope of carbon, or so Nahele said about the ring, and then turned into Steve on his front porch by himself. And then, “When I say it, it means something”, was a sentence that played itself over and over again on Steve’s head after he heard it, cataloging when he heard Danny say it and say it to him. It made Steve want to only say it to Danny when it meant something, like being surrounded by Yakuza men and a 70-foot drop between buildings and someone might get left behind.

There were so many times he meant it and never said it. Being in the back of a truck in North Korea. “I’m sorry, did you say six?”, was a gut punch reaction to hearing it between the hundred words Danny said per minute. “I can’t believe you flew all this way”, was close but not it, as it was “I just needed to make sure you’re okay”. “Promise me you’ll talk to Grace” made him think he heard it without it being said. “You don’t get to die today” is what he said when he wanted to say it, but he needed Danny to hear that first, to know Steve was gonna keep him safe.

It was a weird rope they kept pulling on, each one holding on to one end of it. Every time one of them would get a little far away, the other would pull him back. Side by side but never quite together. Like the first step into the ocean and the water is too cold, so you stay in the shallow water for a moment too long, until your body gets used to the feeling.

Steve was trying to get used to the feeling.

Now, Danny Williams was a lot of things. Loyal. Loved and loving. Trustworthy, like he didn’t know any other way to be. Loud. Trusting, to those who earned it.

He wouldn’t call himself Lonely but standing in those shallow waters with a rope that was never quite short enough to reach to the other end, to _the one_ on the other end of it, he felt it. Rattle around somewhere deep in his bones. Lonely.

His mind kept coming up with all the ways any given situation could go wrong, but dammit if he didn’t want everything to work out just for once. For Jenna to not be dead somewhere in North Korea. Lori to not have been sent away for her loyalties. For Matty to not have been afraid to atone for the mistakes he made. Catherine to not have dragged Steve along as she figured out what her life was going to look like. For Rachel to not have lied about Charlie for so long, costing Danny four years with his son. For the people Steve loved to not have died while he watched or heard.

He wanted Steve to learn what it was like to have people stick around for him. He wanted Kono to feel safe again in her island. He wanted Chin to be able to shake his past off his shoulders. He wanted Lou to finally few like he didn’t have a Chicago-shaped cloud following his every move, daring him to make a mistake.

He wanted so many things he couldn’t have. And god if he didn’t want Steve.

He wanted Steve to be happy, ridiculously, undoubtedly happy. He didn't want Steve to be lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from the song: forest fires, by Axel Flovent
> 
> I'm going to talk myself a lot in the notes guys, bare with me  
> but I always thought about Steve and Danny's motivations in the last few seasons, and by the last season, I thought that danny's was driven by two main motivators: loneliness and family, and that was why he kept setting Steve up on dates, he didn't want steve to be lonely like he himself was.  
> Now Steve prime motivator, throughout the series really, for me specifically had always been: self-fufillment, duty and family.  
> And because they both have the clashing motivator of family, that's why i think most of fans kinda felt cheated at the end of the show, because it somewhat felt like they completely walked away from that motivator at the last possible moment.
> 
> for this story in specific, i took Danny's motivation for the last season and brought it to the seventh for reasons that basically boils down to: i wanted to. and it gave the story a place to start sooner than the last season because i really couldn't write the plot i wanted in the 10th season


	2. A subtle change in the wind

-

It started out like this: _Steve didn’t know what to do_

-

Steve’s sock drawer had exactly one sock in it. Not a pair of socks. One lonely, stripped sock. Steve was pretty sure this sock was his, not Danny’s, but he couldn’t find the other pair in any of his other drawers or in the hamper. And for some reason this unpaired sock threw his whole cleaning system into a loop.

Things with Gabriel on the loose, Adam in jail, the transport explosion, Gabriel's daughter coming out of left field, then getting kidnapped, then Gabriel coming out of left field with Michelle Shioma putting a hit on the guy, only for him to die on a gunshot wound from two homeless kids, it all made Steve’s domestic life hectic and his laundry just kept pilling up and he had a meeting with the Governor the next day and didn't have any clean socks aside from the lonely stripped one currently on his drawer.

He was still staring at the sock when his phone rang, and without checking the caller ID he answered with: “McGarrett”.

There was a sigh and a low voice that said “Commander. Steve. Hi”.

“Nahele?”, he spoke into the phone, wondering how he could tell it was the kid on the other line so easily. “You okay? “, he asked, looking at the caller ID because he was sure he had Nahele’s number on his phone, but he didn’t recognize the one the kid was using.

“I…” Nahele’s voice hitched and Steve found himself gripping the phone a little tighter. “No. No, I’m not. I’m sorry, Commander. I…”, Steve waited for him to go on, but nothing else came.

“Nahele? What’s wrong? Where are you?”

For a few gut wrenching seconds all he could hear was the kid breathing heavily on the other line.

“ _Nahele_?”, Steve asked more forcefully.

“I don’t know. I don’t know where I am. I… I got into a fight. I’m sorry, Commander. I know you said if I ever stepped out of line, you’d – you’d fill out that complaint. I understand, sir. I just couldn’t – _I didn’t want to be there anymore_ ”.

Steve’s head was pulsing, his mind reeling. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

“Keiki, slow down”, Steve didn’t know why he called him that, “You’re not making any sense. Look, I’m coming to get you, alright? Stay where you are, send me your location from your phone. Can you do that?”

A pause. “Ah, yeah… yeah, I can do that”.

“Okay, good. Don’t go anywhere, I’m coming”.

Steve found him somewhere on a little market street just after Diamond Head, curled up on himself on the curb of the busy sidewalk, hugging his knees to his chest, looking ten instead of fifteen.

The gist of what happened was:

A boy in Nahele’s foster home was talking about the Halawa transportation van that exploded. Their foster parents had already told the other two boys living there about Nahele’s dad, asking them to be considerate. The boy had not been considerate. So Nahele had punched him, and the boy punched back. And they shoved and pulled and broke a lamp, and Nahele ran.

“I didn’t even know where I was going, I only noticed I took someone else's phone when I didn't recognize the houses anymore”, he was saying, wiping at his nose like a nervous tick. Steve was sat down beside him on the curb, legs crossed and arms uncertain of their place in this interaction “I just ran. I don’t know if the Kekoa’s are going to want me anymore. I don’t know…” His voice hitched again, and his face broke into a grimace.

“Hey, don’t worry about that, okay? I’ll talk to them. It’s going to be okay. You’re not alone. You hear me? You’re not alone”, his arms finally decided to embrace the kid, the same way he did after he told Nahele about his father.

He was trying for comforting, but at his words Nahele just started sobbing. Steve felt something twist inside his chest at the sound.

He wasn't used to feeling helpless, but he knew he was going to keep his promise to protect the teenager in his arms.

So he did the only thing he could think of. He drove Nahele to his house, sent him up for a shower, and called Danny.

-

Danny was pretty sure half of the socks in his closet weren't his.

Between all the crazy cases they caught the last few weeks, the team had become used to changing at HQ at all hours of the day and more often than not he and Steve got their stuff mixed up. Don’t ask him why.

Danny was about to do inventory of the socks when his phone started ringing somewhere in the living room. As he made his way there, he looked inside Grace’s room as she studied at her desk, he knocked softly on the doorjamb just to let her know he was there and found his phone at the coffee table.

He barely noticed himself smiling as he answered with a cool, “Hey, Steve”.

He waited for a response, but there was only a ruffle of breath.

“Steve?”, Danny tried again.

“Danny, I need your help. Quick”, came the rushed response.

Danny sat on the couch’s back, trying to gauge if the help Steve needed was verbal or in person.

“Sure, babe, what you need?”.

Steve took a deep breath before talking very quickly about Nahele and running away and crying and _oh God, Danny, what do I do, I'm not a dad!_

“… And then he started crying, and I don’t know why! I said he wasn't alone when I told him about his father, I just thought he could use hearing it again! Did I do something wrong?”.

Danny was quiet for a few seconds, trying to digest everything Steve had just said. Ultimately, he just sighed, shaking his head and settling down on the couch more comfortably.

“Steve, you doofus, calm down, okay? You’re fine. You tell him that as many times as you can, chances are he’s just really overwhelmed. His dad just died, babe. He probably took a while to process that, he's probably still processing it. Try talking to the Kekoa’s, ask them to get Nahele for the night, it's better than risking him getting back on the streets”, when Steve didn't answer right away, Danny reinforced with “Okay?”.

There was a deep breath on the other line.

“Yeah, okay.” Came the soft response “Thanks, Danno. I just… I'm not cut out for this”.

Danny frowned, “Cut out for what?”.

“ _This._ Being a… parental figure.”

“Hey, don’t sell yourself short. You’re Uncle Steve, Grace loves you, God knows why, but she sees you as a reliable figure in her life. And I hate to break it to you, but you've been a parental figure to Nahele ever since you met him. C'mon, making him fix that crappy car instead of signing the complaint? Classic dad move”. And then, because he thought Steve needed to hear it, “He trusts you, babe. He _called_ you. That's all we hope for, when our kid is in danger, we just want them to call us”.

There was a soft laugh before Steve spoke again, his voice like he was still smiling, and once again Danny barely noticed that he was smiling too “Thanks, Danno.”, Steve said again. “I think he just got out of the shower, I'll try to think of something for dinner”.

“Call me if you need anything”, Danny offered.

“I will”.

Danny stayed on the couch long after they hung up, still smiling despite himself. He kept thinking about Steve, and his classic “new dad” freak out, even though he wasn’t officially a dad. And he thought about Steve with Grace, how he cared for her, and how he was starting to care for Charlie. And Danny could already picture it: Steve pulling rank in PTA meetings, arguing with some soccer mom on school bake sales and embarrassing Nahele in front of whatever crush he might have.

Something warm spread around his chest and Danny finally noticed the stupid smile on his own face.

He groaned.

_What the hell._

-

Steve never felt it when he’d get to the house, when he walked through the front doors, only when he made his way to the lanai and stood in front of the sea, sand bellow his feet and wind in his face, only then he felt it: Home.

Sitting in front of Nahele for the first time, trying to detach himself from that day's case, and something twisting in his gut at the sight of the kid's grime covered skin, bruises and cuts, the lost look in his eyes, Steve felt it again.

It wasn’t like Steve didn’t want to foster or even adopt Nahele. In fact, he was pretty sure as soon as the words _“but I was just so hungry”_ came out of the kid's mouth, Steve was ready to do just about anything to never hear him say that again.

The problem at the time was… Wo Fat’s induced nightmares still disturbed his sleep half the time. Sometimes, he’d be back at the hallucination, with his dad alive, but Steve would be so different from the person he was today he barely recognized himself when he woke up. Then there were the times it took him a while to catch up to reality, how his brain thought it was strange he was waking up in his parents room, how he’d wait to hear his dad’s footsteps around the house. Those days he’d stay in bed a little longer, trying to catch his breath.

Then there were the screams, the shaking and the agitation. He would dream he was still sat on that chair, hands free but he never seemed to be able to move them anyway, ankles stuck to each of the front legs of the chair, leather cuffs digging into his skin. Wo Fat would be sticking him with needles and cattle prods, pumping his veins with drug after drug, and everything burned and frayed at the edges, and he’d scream so loud sometimes he’d wake himself up. And he could wake with bruises on his hands from where he punched the nightstand or the headboard, or his nails and arms would be scratched and bloodied from imaginary needles he fought to take out in his sleep.

He couldn’t do that to Nahele. He suffered enough. He deserved peace.

Steve McGarrett wasn’t peace.

Not then.

Not now either, but he was at HQ, talking to Nahele’s social worker, and the Kekoa’s wanted him to be placed somewhere else and that tore at him, the day before he could see Nahele trying to put up a good front, but he knew that feeling. Like no one wanted him. So Steve did the only thing he could think of to try and keep the kid safe: “What do I have to do for Nahele to come live with me?”, he asked, and the social worker, Abigail Prescott, smiled at him like she’d been waiting for him to ask that question for a long time.

She explained the whole process to him, about fostering or adopting, what each case would entail, and then finished with: “Talk to him, see what he wants”.

So, first, he talked to Danny.

He watched Ms. Prescott leave and took a few deep breaths, looking around his office windows into Danny’s office. Things had been quiet since the siege with Gabriel and the Yakuza, they helped HPD in a few cases here and there, offering back-up, but they hadn’t caught a big case in a while, mostly just keeping up with paperwork, and by the way Danny was squinting at his computer screen, Steve guessed that was what the detective was doing.

He pushed himself off his chair and walked over to the other office, barely bothering to knock on the glass door before entering and plopping on the chair in front of Danny’s desk.

“How was it?”, Danny asked without taking his eyes off the screen.

Steve puffed out his cheeks, blowing out a breath.

“The Kekoa’s don’t want to foster Nahele anymore”, he said.

Danny looked up at that. “What now? Do they have other foster homes for him here on the island?”.

“A couple”, he couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“Steve? What’re you thinking?”, Danny narrowed his eyes at him, his hands leaving the keyboard to cross at his arms on top of the desk.

“What else can I do, Danny?”, he asked, like Danny already knew what he was going to do, maybe he did, “The kid can’t keep being bounced around from home to home, hoping to catch a break. I can give him somewhere to stay, somewhere so he can catch his breath”.

“That’s not all that is to raise a kid, Steve. I know Nahele is almost sixteen, but he still needs things like any other child does, not just a place to crash”.

Steve closed his eyes for a second, “I know.”, then more softly, “I know. But… I just don’t know if I’m the one to give him those things he needs. I just know I have to do _something_ , I can’t watch him fall through the system. It already happened once, I don’t want to watch him go through that again”.

Danny had a soft look on his eyes as he stared at Steve, almost making him squirm.

“You are already better than you think, babe”.

-

A week later, Steve finally talked to Nahele. In the meantime, the kid was placed in a group home. When he saw the look on Nahele’s face when he learned where he was going, Steve wanted to just stuff him in the back of his truck and take him to his house right then and there.

The conversation about the adoption went more or less okay, Steve wasn’t good with feelings, and Nahele didn’t seem much better, so by Chin’s suggestion – the guy was suddenly all about parenting – Steve decided to talk to him during an “activity”. The only activity they did together was either practicing football – which was not the best situation to have a conversation – or fixing the marquis. “ _No, Steven, having lunch with him doesn’t count as an activity_ ”, Danny said when he suggested they have the talk over food. “ _I could have him over to cook, cooking is an activity, right?_ ”, “ _Do you really want sharp knives involved in an emotional conversation?_ ”.

So, fixing the marquis. The car needed constant repairs half the time, it wasn’t that strange for Steve to call Nahele to help him out.

In hindsight, mechanical tools, heavy metal boxes and being pinned under the hood of an antique car were just as bad as having sharp knives in an emotional conversation.

After talking to Ms. Prescott again Steve made up his mind about fostering or adopting. In the end, it would be Nahele’s decision, but for Steve it all came down to the question she asked: “Is this permanent or not?”.

And Steve thought about the prospect of having Nahele taken from him by some technicality in the foster system, or not being connected to him at all after he aged out of it, and the loss of that feeling of _home_ was like something was choking him. “This is permanent”, was the only acceptable answer.

After setting everything they were going to need in the garage, checking the time five times, making sure they’d have enough rags for oil spills, checking the time five more times, Nahele opened the garage doors after knocking softly on them two times.

“Hi”, he said with a small smile.

Steve stared at him analytically for a few seconds, taking in the tired set of his shoulder, the droop in his eyes.

“You okay?”, he asked, though he could see the answer already. Nahele just nodded. “Is the new home okay?”, once again his only answer was a nod. “You can tell me if it’s not”.

Nahele scrunched up his nose a bit, like he was gonna sniff but didn’t.

“It’s fine. Not the best, but it’s fine”, he shrugged.

Steve didn’t pry further, he could see Nahele’s walls were a mile high. So he started going through what he thought they might do with the car that day, it was early enough in the morning that if everything went fine they could take a break and eat lunch.

He let Nahele take point on some things, sensing it was a good distraction for him to have something to busy his hands with. After a good half hour of small talk and chickening out of talking about the adoption, Nahele asked, leaning over the hood of the car, one hand with a rag, the other with a wrench: “Does this look like rust to you?”.

To which Steve answered with: “How’d you feel about living here?”.

Three things happened at once. First, Steve clamped his mouth shut so hard he heard his jaw snap. Second, Nahele spun around so fast the wrench flew out of his hand and hit the wall with a loud _bang_ and enough force that it knocked off a bunch of other tools nailed to it, sending dust and dirt into the air of the confined garage space. Third, in addition to spinning, Nahele also jumped, which made his head hit the hood of the car with a dull _thump_ and knock over the rig supporting it up.

In a millisecond, Steve saw the hood starting to fall and Nahele’s still trying to steady himself, so he let instinct take over. He grabbed the hood with one hand and Nahele’s shirt with the other, pushing him out of the way and steadying him at the same time.

When they seemed to catch their breaths enough, Steve searched the kid’s face. His eyes were bugging out of his head, chest going up and down dramatically, the rag still clutched tightly to his other hand. Maybe he didn’t catch his breath enough yet.

“You okay?”, Steve asked, frowning, wanting to try to feel for a bump on Nahele’s head but not sure if he should give him some space or not.

“What?”, came the weak response, his breath wheezing through his nose and mouth.

“Are you okay?”, Steve repeated, louder.

Nahele shook his head, squinting his eyes shut, Steve’s hands were ready to check for that bump in 0.5 seconds, but Nahele started talking again, “ _Not that_. I’m _fine”_ , his voice went up, “What you said before?”.

Ah.

“Ah. Yeah. I was wondering, how you would feel about coming to live here?”.

Nahele’s eyes bugged out even more, his eyes moving from Steve to the rest of the garage, like somehow, he’d live in the garage. “What?”, he said again, and Steve sighed loudly, scrubbing a hand over his head only to realize he just smeared oil all over his hair.

“I was talking to Ms. Prescott. About you. About either adopting or fostering you, whatever makes you more comfortable. I don’t want… I don’t want you to feel like I’m only doing this to help you out, okay? I _do want_ to help you, but this isn’t just a favor or anything like that.” He was rambling. Steve wasn’t a rambler. Steve was spending too much time with Danny Williams. Or not enough, because otherwise he should be better at this “I want – I want to give you a say in this. If you want to, I’ll foster, I’ll adopt, or I’ll – I’ll stand down. You’re my family, okay? Foster or adoptive, doesn’t really matter. _Ohana_.”. Nahele didn’t say anything, but Steve was afraid his eyebrows would get lost in his hair at any moment.

Steve took a steadying breath and lowered the hood of the marquis slowly, he wiped his hands in the cleanest rag around and moved closer to the stunned into silence kid, placing a gentle hand on his shoulders, trying to catch his eyes, but Nahele was looking anywhere else but him.

“You don’t have to give me an answer right now, or tomorrow. Take all the time you want. If you decide on it a year from now, the choice will still be there”.

Nahele looked at him then, dark eyes clouded with what probably was a million different emotions. Steve blinked and halfway through it, Nahele moved under his extended arm, crushing him in a tight hug.

But Steve wouldn’t get his answer for a good month after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from the song I could fight on a wall, by Aquilo
> 
> Look, a plot set-up!  
> And in case it wasn't clear, this chapter is set between the episode 6x24 and episode 6x25. (When I first posted the prologue yesterday i put in the tags that the fic started at the end of season 7 like a dumbass, but its actually the end of season 6). And just want to put it out there that i have a very basic crude knowledge of the foster/adoption american systems, so if anything is grossely wrong, well, call it poetic license.  
> I have a good chunk of this first part already written, and most of it is plotted out, so after this first chapter I think I might start posting weekly or something like that, I just wanted to post the first official chapter soon because yesterday it was just a short prologue so i didn't want to leave it at that for a week
> 
> thank you guys for reading and for the encoragements!


	3. Hello love, for you, I have so many words

-

_The things Danny Williams could stand_

-

Danny was thinking about baking a cake, a big chocolate cake, to celebrate the fact that they had three – almost four! – whole weeks without a big, life-threating, major case. That maybe happened a total of three other times in the six years Five-0 had been operating. It needed celebrating. Demanded even.

Steve certainly needed to unwind, he didn’t give Danny specifics about the talk with Nahele, just that the kid was thinking about it, and everyday he didn’t have a definite answer, Steve seemed more and more likely to create a big, life-threating, major case, himself just to have something else to focus on.

But the whole team kind of needed a good down time. Chin was all torn up about Sara’s uncertain situation, about his feelings with Gabriel’s death. Kono had her damn husband in prison for more four or five months, and she didn’t show it often, but her sunny disposition had been clouded after the whole ordeal. Danny had problems coming out of his ears half the time, most of them with the name “Rachel” written on them. Grace had asked, bluntly, to move in with Danny sometime last year, after the whole Charlie debacle made her relationship with Rachel unbearable and now mother and daughter only saw each other every other week or when Five-0 had a big, _big_ , case that involved Danny not sleeping at home.

And Lou, well, Lou had two teenage kids, he could probably use a good night out too.

They could even make it into a going away party for Max if they ever managed to figure out everything behind the new meth hitting the streets and killing people.

Danny came in the office ready to set everything in motion, a to-do list going on in his head: Grocery shopping, cake baking, Steve’s lanai commandeering, Steve’s grill commandeering. Beers, lots of beers. Maybe some whisky, or a nice bourbon. Oh yeah, this would be… _Why was Steve on the phone?_ Why was Steve’s back impossibly straight and his brow furrowed while he was talking on the phone?

Something in his gut told Danny his plan just went out the window.

Steve eyes caught Danny’s through his office’s glass walls and he motioned for Danny to come in. Curious and at the same time dreading every minute of it, Danny obeyed.

“… I understand. I’ll be there in o’ two hundred hours.” Steve said before hanging up.

Steve gave a full-bodied sigh, his back losing the strictness and his shoulders going down minimally.

“Care to elaborate?”, Danny asked, already frowning.

Steve sighed again. “It’s classified”, came the frustrating answer that made Danny groan so loudly he was sure he pulled a muscle. Steve smirked, the bastard. “It’s the CIA. They say there’s an… urgent matter for me to tend to. I don’t even have much more information than that. I just wanted to let you know. I’m going to an undisclosed location to meet with them at 2a.m., from there, who knows. They said it’ll be only a couple days, but I don’t trust them all that much”.

“Well, tell me when you land back, I guess. And try to get back in one piece”.

Steve smiled again, but his eyes were guarded. “What? What’re you thinking?”, Danny asked, because the CIA coming knocking on their door was never a good sign. _God_ , Doris gave paranoia to Danny’s paranoia.

“I don’t know. Something feels off. Not in a dangerous way, or at least I don’t think so. But I feel like there’s something more to this whole thing”, he sighed again, “well, I’ll know when I’m there, wherever there is”.

“It’s the CIA, I wouldn’t expect anything to be straightforward with them”.

Steve only hummed his agreement.

“Keep an eye on Nahele for me, will you?”, Steve asked then, quietly, softly.

Danny’s heart skipped a beat. “Yeah, babe, of course”.

Steve smiled then, truer this time.

“What you want me to tell him?”, he felt like he should ask.

But the question seemed to catch Steve off guard. He had Aneurysm face. It took a solid minute for him to conjure up an answer.

“I don’t know. What – “, he paused, licked his lips, “What would you tell Grace and Charlie?”.

Now it was Danny’s turn to be caught off guard.

“Me? Me, I try telling them something as close to the truth as possible. Like… in this case, I could tell Charlie I need to go away for work for a couple of days, he wouldn’t ask much besides if there’s going to be horses where I’m going. Grace… well, teens are more complicated, they understand things better”, he paused, trying to figure out what to say next, but glancing at Steve he saw him staring like Danny was divulging the great mysteries of the universe or something, his look so intense Danny had to clear his throat before continuing, “well, hm, I could tell Nahele you were called in by the CIA? Saying only ‘for work’ doesn’t really cut it with teens. I’d say there’s no danger, a couple days tops?”, he cleared his throat again, “Or, y’know, you could tell him yourself. He’d probably appreciate it”.

Steve’s eyes widened, he sat down on his desk, slouching a bit. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess I should, huh?”.

“Want me to come with?”, Danny felt like he should ask. Steve rolled his eyes, but that soft smile was on his lips again.

That’s how Danny found himself at Kamekona’s shrimp truck at lunch time, the sun blazing and the sand scalding hot even through the sole of his shoes.

Steve and Nahele seemed to be stuck in a constant battle between pretending that Steve wasn’t a bottle of nerves waiting for Nahele to decide whether or not he wanted him as a parent, or acknowledging the fact that he was, but that didn’t mean Nahele should rush his decision. Nahele had the same look on his face as Grace when she got a B- on a test and thought Danny would be mad.

Danny, for once, thought the whole situation was endearing and it’ll all end up working out. Anyone who saw how protective Steve was of the kid, and how much Nahele relied on him, could also see they were already halfway into being a family unity.

Nahele made his way to them on the picnic table further from the truck, eyes skidding around the beach.

“Howzit, guys”, he said when he was close enough, “I’m about to go on my lunch break, but I can take your orders first”. He pointed to the truck behind himself like they needed the clarification.

“That’s fine, Nahele, but could you sit down for a second? On your lunch break, I mean. Here. If you can, that is”.

Danny’s eyes shot up, and Steve gave him a look. _Oh, this was priceless_. Steve J. McGarrett stammering like an anxious high schooler making a presentation in front of the class.

Nahele seemed to make a double-take at that but nodded anyway.

They ordered their usual and the kid went back to truck, Steve slumping against the table as soon as Nahele turned his back on them. Danny did his best not to laugh too loudly.

“Thank you. Truly, thank you for letting me come to this. I have never seen you so out of your depth, it’s the best thing to have happened this week”.

Steve rolled his eyes and sighed. “You’re not helping. I thought you were coming here _to help_ ”.

Danny waved his hands, “Pffft, you’re doing just fine on your own, buddy. You should take advantage of the already awkward situation and have The Talk with him”.

He meant it as a joke, but Aneurysm Face made a comeback in full force. “Do I – Will I have to have”, Steve dropped his voice an octave, whispering, “ _the talk_ ”, he made a face like he was talking about taking a cyanide pill, “with him? He’s fifteen!”, he tried to keep whispering, but his voice was going higher and higher at every other letter.

Danny just gave him a look for a few seconds before answering, “Babe, that’s the dangerous age. Of course, you need to have The Talk with him. You want him to be safe, right?”. Steve pulled a face again.

“Are you going to have The Talk with Grace?”, Steve asked, and Danny felt like dry heaving.

“She’s not gonna”, Danny dropped his voice an octave, whispering, “ _have sex_ ”, he made a face like he was talking about taking a cyanide pill, “until she’s at least thirty. She doesn’t need to have The Talk!”. He tried to keep whispering, but his voice was going higher and higher at every other letter.

Steve opened his eyes and arms, mouth in a stubborn ‘o’, “So what is it, Danny? What’s the double standard here?”.

“Double standard? _Double standard?_ There’s no double standard!”.

“You don’t want Grace to be safe? Huh?”, Steve was still making his stubborn face.

“You’re gonna give me a stroke in the middle of this beach!”, he hissed. Then he breathed deeply. “Would you _let me_ leave in denial? Please? I still have a couple of years before my world comes to an end, okay?”.

Steve huffed and puffed, but grounded out a “Fine”, before also taking a deep breath. “ _Let’s change the subject_ ”. Danny made a _go on_ motion, but Steve didn’t come up with a different subject until Nahele came back with all their foods and sat beside Danny.

Looking for a semblance of normalcy, Danny asked: “So how’s school doing?”.

He more or less expected the shrug of the shoulders he received as a response, pretty used to it with his own daughter. But then Nahele glanced at Steve, who still seemed to wait for an actual response expectantly, like the kid was going to tell him his future, so Nahele sniffed and started talking about his biology class, and how his guidance counselor wanted him to take a few advanced classes next year, and Steve was beaming with pride. Danny was a puddle of jumbled feelings and sweat on the beach at the sight.

“Makaio said I should talk to coach first, in case any class clashes with training.” Nahele was saying, talking around a mouthful of a terrible Kamekona’s shrimp concoction. The kid was already like Steve and didn’t even know it. “Coach said I could make quarterback next year”.

And oh god, the look on Steve’s eyes was brighter than the sun trying to melt the hair out of Danny’s head.

“Quarterback?”, Steve asked, smiling so wide his face was splitting in two, “Quarterback, really?”.

Nahele ducked his head. At first, Danny thought he was embarrassed of the big goof, but looking at the set of his shoulders, how his head was hanging in front of himself… Nahele was overwhelmed, like he had one foot out of the door, like everything could go up in flames in a second.

Danny was familiar with how that looked, he wore that jacket for most of his life. He glanced at Steve, who didn’t seem to notice. Danny put a hand on the kid’s shoulder. “That’s good, huh?”, he asked softly, hoping Steve would pick up on the notice to dial back on the excitement, “Is Makaio on the team with you?”.

Steve seemed to pick up on the change of subject, he clenched his hand and Danny knew he wanted to reach out too. Nahele threw Danny a sideways look before shaking his head and picking at his food. “Nah, he’s too small, didn’t make the tryouts. He’s on the baseball team, shortstop”.

“Baseball? That’s more my thing. If you guys want to bat some balls around on Steve’s beach, I’m sure I could give him some pointers”, he offered.

Nahele looked between him and Steve, like he didn’t know if the offer was official or not. Steve started to nod frantically, “Yeah, yeah, you guys could totally come!”, he said, excitement still a bit on the higher side of the scale.

But Nahele smiled then, nodding, like it was settled.

“But, hm, actually, there was something I wanted to talk to you about”, Steve prompted, making Nahele look up more sharply. Steve threw Danny a glance before continuing, “I just wanted to let you know I’m… being called up for an op. But I’ll be back in a few days, two days tops”.

For a second Nahele looked stunned, then he slowly deflated. “Oh. Okay”, he said, still picking at his food. Danny wanted to say something but didn’t think it was his place. “Is it gonna be dangerous?”, Nahele asked, a frown to his face.

“No!”, Steve said almost too loudly, then again more normally, “No. It’s just a sit down with a high-value asset”, Danny’s eyebrows went up. Steve didn’t mention that to _him_. Steve caught his eye and made a face like he was saying, “ _What the hell am I supposed to do here?”_.

“No danger. Just a conversation”, Steve continued, hands still fumbling like they were trying not to reach out.

Nahele nodded, taking it in. “Anything you need, you can come to me, okay?”, Danny still had his hand in the kid’s shoulder, that he used to squeeze it for a few seconds before dropping it. Nahele nodded again but remained silent.

Nahele picked at his food some more, doing the thing teens don’t think parents – or at least good parents – notice where he barely eats his foods, just shuffles it around a bit. Steve was watching him like a hawk, Danny wanted him to tell him to _just chill the fuck out, Jesus_.

The car ride back to the office was quiet, which was uncharacteristic for him and Steve, but at least it was quiet with air conditioning.

“I thought it would be easier”, Steve said out of the blue, eyes forward to the road, jaw set. “Or maybe I didn’t, I don’t know. I guess I just never imagined myself in this position”.

Danny wasn’t completely convinced of that, but guessed it wasn’t the time to call him out on it.

“It _gets_ easier”, he said instead, because it was the truth and Steve needed to hear it, “No one is just born knowing how to be a parent, babe. It’s all trial and error and a good measure of common sense, in which case you’re fucked, but I’ll help you out”, he smiled, looking over to see if the joke landed. Satisfied to see the corners of Steve’s mouth lifting up, Danny patted him on the shoulder. But Steve just grabbed his hand with his own right one, eyes still looking forward, left hand still on the wheel, “Thanks, Danno”, he said, serious, and then held Danny’s hand tighter for a second before letting it go.

Danny missed the contact immediately.

-

The next day Danny made a point to pick up Nahele from his football practice, right after he picked Grace from her Cheer practice. Charlie was with him until dinner, so Danny brought him along too. Nahele seemed to do a double take as he got out of the field into the parking lot, first taking in the car, then taking in all the people inside it.

Danny knew, from all the gatherings they did as a group, that Grace and Nahele were friends, or at least _friendly_ , but Charlie hadn’t spent that much time with the other teen yet. Danny thought it was time to rectify that, even if it was one car ride at a time.

“Hi, Danny. Detective.”, Nahele stammered, leaning over the passenger’s side door, he glanced inside the vehicle and waved weakly, “Hi, Grace. Hi, Charlie”, they both said hi back, a lot more enthusiastic than Danny thought they would, so maybe they were all already much closer than he payed attention to. But Nahele was still fidgeting outside the car, uncertain, “What’re you guys doing here?”, he asked, so maybe it wasn’t obvious to him.

“What’re you talking about? We’re picking you up, buddy”, Danny answered, gesturing for him to come in, which he did a bit reluctantly, like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. “You’re going home or to the shrimp truck?”, Danny asked to fill in the silence.

Nahele looked sideways to him with nervousness, still looking confused about the whole situation, “I, hm, home. I’m going home. I have a… chemistry project I need to finish”, he answered.

Danny felt more than saw Grace leaning over the space between the two front seats. “You still haven’t finish that? Didn’t you check that site Sam sent you?”, she asked. Danny frowned. Apparently, they were a lot more friendly than he anticipated.

Nahele sighed, his shoulders losing some of the tension on them, and he answered Grace, and they started discussion something about the project that Danny had no clue about. Charlie kept interrupting them every time they said a word he didn’t understand, and that was a lot.

As they stopped at a light, Danny looked sideways, taking all three kids in. Something tightened in his chest before loosening, like warmth spreading all over him. He had felt it when he held Grace for the first time in his arms. He had felt it taking the picture of Charlie for Stan all those years ago on the maternity ward.

He had felt it when he hugged Steve when he had gotten back from Japan, Wo Fat in an HPD cruiser behind them. Weeks and weeks of radio silence, a growing ball of anxiety lodging itself in Danny's sternum at every passing day. And then Steve was _there_ , bloodied and banged up, they probably spilled some commentary filled with sarcasm, but then they hugged and were barely able to let go of each other later, and Danny felt it. _Home_.

He had felt it at least once with the whole team. When Kono came back after months hopping the globe looking for Adam. When Delano stuck Chin on Halawa and they made their escape in a chopper. After Ian Wright kidnapped Samantha, and Lou was a mess of relief and anger and Danny went by his house to talk and distract him until the sun was coming up.

But he felt it a lot around Steve. Warmth in his chest like the feeling was too big for his body. For the longest time he thought it was just the effect Steve had on people. And then the guy started talking about being a _parental figure_ and he had this soft look on his half the time he talked about Nahele or _Danny’s_ kids and Danny was… well, he didn’t know what exactly it was he was feeling, he just knew it wasn’t just friendship feelings. He just knew he was looking at Steve differently. One day, he was Danny’s best friend and the other, _boom_ , something else entirely.

Liking guys wasn’t exactly news to Danny, he knew he liked guys since he was 15 and Ricky Bonaducci stuck his tongue in his mouth and got them kicked out of the Boy’s Scouts. He had a few flings with some guys over the years, before and after Rachel, nothing that ever stuck.

But this thing with Steve snuck up on him. He had admitted to himself that he was attracted to the guy when he first met him, guns pointed at each other and everything, but he never had feelings for him. Probably. It was getting harder and harder to tell.

He was calling it a “crush” for lack of a better word and because Grace kept saying things like that about people at her school.

But right then in the car, Danny tried quashing the feeling down, or at least dimming it. Nahele wasn’t his kid. Steve _was_ just his friend. Danny had no business feeling that way about the kid. Danny had no business having a crush on his friend either, but there he was.

“Danno!”, Charlie screamed in the backseat, derailing Danny’s feelings.

“Charlie, no screaming in the car!”, him and Grace exclaimed at the same time.

When he looked over at Nahele again, he was smiling.

-

It was somewhere around 4a.m., Danny was chasing the remains of a nightmare, the sound of a gunshot, Gabriel Waincroft standing on a roof of an abandoned building, Danny's whole team dead at his feet.

Danny's cellphone light was blinking. With a groan, Danny stretched his arm to reach for it in the nightstand. It was a text from Steve. His stomach made a flop, like he was a damn middle schooler who just got a note in class from the person they liked.

Steve. 3h57a.m.: home. Talk to you in the office tomorrow morning.

Danny. 4h23a.m.: okay

Steve. 4h24a.m.: y you up? Everything okay?

Danny groaned again, this time he didn’t know why.

Danny. 4h30a.m.: don’t worry. how you doing? In one piece?

Steve. 4h33a.m.: all parts accounted for. See you later, Danno.

Danny kept staring at his phone even after the screen went dark, wanting to interrogate Steve already about the whole “classified” mission. It was gonna bother him until the morning.

That it all turned to be a meet with Wo Fat’s father shouldn’t be a big surprise to Danny, but it came so out of left field he still had to take a second to assimilate it.

He made a visual check as soon as Steve was in his eyesight, looking him over for any sign of injuries. Then he listened to the world’s weirdest CIA story Steve ever told him.

“You said something felt weird about it when you first got the call? Well, does it still feel weird to you?”, Danny asked, reading into Steve still stiff shoulders.

Steve shook his head, eyes hard, “I don’t know, Danny. Maybe”.

Danny was sure he had a follow-up comment, but then Deputy Marcus was screaming into the office: “Steve! Steve!”. And then barging in with a heavy hand on Nahele’s shoulder that made Danny’s parental instinct kick in and he almost threw hands at the guy. Steve seemed calmer, but a look at him, the set of his jaw and the guarded look in his eyes, Deputy Marcus was lucky they liked him.

Nahele threw a look at them, head bent under the weight of the deputy’s hand in his shoulder. They both got up, assuring Marcus everything was okay.

“Nahele, what’s wrong?”, Steve asked.

The kid just stared at Steve for a good minute before saying: “It’s Makaio. He’s… He’s, uh…”, his voice was getting weaker and weaker, his eyes going from each of them and then their feet. “He died. I found him”, Danny’s stomach sank to his feet, he saw Steve close his eyes for a second before reaching out to grab Nahele by the shoulder and pull him for a hug. “Can you – can you find out what happened? Please?”.

Steve sighed, pulling back from Nahele, looking at Danny and then at everyone else getting in the office. Danny nodded, understanding. “Go, I’ll hold down the fort”, he said.

“Thanks”, Steve said, and went around the desk to grab his things.

Nahele fidgeted where he was standing in the middle of the room. It was Danny’s turn to reach out to him. “Hey”, he said softly, standing in front of the kid, trying to catch his eye, “I’m really sorry about Makaio, okay?”, and he pulled him into a hug that Nahele clang to like he was holding his breath the whole time.

-

Things turned out like this: Hawaii had some bad batches of meth turning up on the streets, killing people. Then killing people _fast_. Then it was killing kids, specifically one kid. Who happened to be his – maybe – future adoptive or foster son’s friend. His best friend. And Nahele _found_ him. And he was curling up on himself outside Max’s office, sniffing and rubbing at his eyes and _grieving_. So Steve did the only thing he could think of, he took out HPD’s narco department’s jurisdiction over the meth case right under their noses. Denning was about to step out of office, he could use with going out with a bang, so he gave Steve permission to step in on the spot.

Things escalated quickly, from dealers to transport, to undercover jobs and piloting a plane.

The guy bringing in the dope, Dae Won, wasn’t the brightest criminal they ever dealt with, but had trust issues that could rival Steve’s, so they guessed that any possible threat the guy might detect, they would know about.

Well, Dae Won was dumber than they gave him credit for, because one minute they were talking about flight attendants, the next being shot at, and Steve felt who knew how many bullets lodge themselves into his sides _and not come out_. He felt himself bleed out, unable to do anything other than just sit there, his mind coming in and out of focus. Danny’s voice ordering him to stay awake, Danny’s hand on his shoulder, shaking him.

He thought about the hand holding him, and it felt strong, so maybe the bullets didn’t get Danny, maybe he was okay, and if he was okay than things would be fine, even if Steve died, Danny would be okay to take care of Charlie and Grace.

Steve gasped. Or at least tried to.

_Nahele._ Oh, fuck, Nahele.

Steve couldn’t die. Who was going to take care of him? Could he ask that of Danny? His fuzzy mind told him to just do it, and he planned what he was gonna say, something like: “Danny, promise me you’ll look after Nahele if I die”, but what came out was: “Danny, I’m dying”.

He groaned, out of frustration and pain. And then the plane was losing altitude and his vision swam and he wasn’t sure they were even flying anymore, everything went dark.

-

Steve woke many times after that, mostly to just sounds. Loud sounds like an airplane crashing, or an ambulance siren, then to some jostling around, he felt hands grab him and maneuver him, but he had no idea from or to where.

Then he woke up to a beeping sound, constant and familiar enough for him to recognize he was in a hospital. He woke to the beeping sound many times, but never able to really open his eyes and focus on his surroundings, see if he was alone or not, talk to a doctor about what the hell happened to him. Everything was fuzzy and stuffed, like he had a soap bubble around his head.

He remembered mumbling from time to time, like he thought there was someone to answer him what happened, but he was out again before he could make sure.

When he could finally open his eyes and stay awake for more than a couple seconds, Chin was sitting beside his bed. The hospital room was spacious, but he was clearly in ICU. _Where the hell was Danny?_

He tried talking, but his throat was like sandpaper, so he just made a scraping sound, which caught Chin’s attention nonetheless.

“Steve”, Chin said, getting up, “Don’t move. I’ll go get a nurse”.

He did what he was told, because he literally couldn’t even lift his pinky finger, they were clearly giving him the good drugs and also a good amount of them.

Chin came back with a nurse, who checked him over, said he couldn’t have any liquids yet and said they would bring the doctor.

“What happened? Where’s Danny?”, he asked as soon as the nurse left, his voice like gravel.

Chin’s face did the thing where his jaw clicked, and his eyes lost some of his usual lightness. Steve stomach flipped. “Wait until the doctor gets here, he’ll explain everything”, Chin said.

If Danny had died, Chin would’ve told him already, right? Right? He could hear the beeping noise become more frantic.

The doctor sauntered into the room just as Steve was considering flopping over to the floor and crawling out of there to find out what was going on. The room went in and out of focus every time he blinked, and his head felt like it weighted a ton, but he was sure he could manage.

“Commander McGarrett, I’m doctor Cornett. Glad to see you’re awake. How are you feeling?”, the doctor asked, his blue eyes patient.

Steve frowned. “What happened?”, he asked again.

And then he noticed the lady standing behind Dr. Cornett, a small native Hawaiian lady, short dark hair with a square face and strong eyebrows, dark kind eyes. She wore a suit. She was a psychologist. _Jesus, maybe she was a grief counselor_. _A grief counselor because something happened to Danny._

_Danny._

“Steve, what do you remember?”, Chin asked, probably sensing his anxiety skyrocketing.

Steve had to concentrate on that one, his mind still thinking of Danny, chanting for him to find out where he was. “We were… I was with Nahele, outside Max’s office…”, Chin’s face did the thing were his eyebrows moved a millimeter up, like he was surprised but disappointed, confused. “No. Dae Won. Me and Danny, we were flying him to Oahu. We were undercover, right? _What happened?_ ”, Steve was pretty sure he was slurring his words, his tongue felt thick in his mouth.

Chin sighed, looking at the lady at the corner of the room.

“Commander McGarrett, I’m Doctor Haena, I’m a psychologist for the hospital.”, and then she said the most bizarre combination of words. Apparently, he was riddled with bullets and needed a new liver, and _Danny_ gave him half of his own? He’d been in and out of it for the last day, apparently he even talked to a nurse briefly, but he had no memory of that.

“Who piloted the plane?”, he was sure they were expecting different questions from him, but no one was talking about Danny yet, so they would have to tough it out.

“Danny”, Chin answered, like it was a natural thing to say that Danny Williams _landed a fucking plane_. “Well, he crashed it into the beach, but I’m sure he did some proper piloting before that”.

“Commander, are you sure you understand what happened?”, Dr. Haena asked, coming closer to his bed, “You were in a very traumatic experience, is normal to be a little overwhelmed. The recovery from a transplant can be really daunting”.

He was sure it was, but his meds seemed to be kicking in again and his thoughts were getting sluggish.

He tried getting Chin’s attention again, but his hands were still heavy. He mumbled anyway, “How’s Danny?”.

Chin smiled then, and relief flooded Steve, almost making him dizzy. “He’s fine, brah. Asking for you too”.

“Maybe we could put them in a room together when they’re moved to the transplant unit. Help with their recovery.”, it was the last thing he heard Dr. Haena say before he was asleep again.

-

Danny Williams could stand a lot of things. Kono before her morning coffee? Cakewalk. Lou before his morning coffee? A bit tougher, but he could manage. Grace in peak grumpy teenage mode? He needed all the deep breaths he could muster and patience neither of his parents passed down to him, but she was a teenage girl, she was allowed her grumpiness from time to time. Now. Losing Steve? No, Danny couldn’t stand that, not when he could do something about it. So, flying a plane? Sure, with help he could do it. Crashing a plane in a beach without killing anyone? Gravity did most of the work, though his arms were still sore from holding the controls. Giving Steve his liver? A no-brainer, really.

He woke up from surgery way before Steve ever did, since Danny hadn’t been riddled with bullets and lost gallons of blood and all that. He was somewhat coherent after a couple of hours of napping his way into full consciousness, Grace was at his bedside with Kono, still pouting a bit.

“Monkey”, he tried saying, but it come out mostly as rasp. He coughed for a while before reigning it in.

“Danno! How are you feeling?”, Grace asked, getting up and taking his hand over the bed.

“I feel fine, Monkey”, he smiled a bit shaky, “Everything went okay?”, he directed the question to Kono.

She smiled, and Danny felt like he could breathe in relief, “Surgery went well, Steve is still resting, but he’s stable. Lou and Chin are still finishing up the case, I stayed with Grace to give her a ride home after the doctors let her see you”.

“Mum didn’t want to bring Charlie and the sitter had an emergency”, Grace explained.

He wanted to ask what the hell was Stan good for if he was always on business trips, but he didn’t want to ask that _to Grace_.

So he changed the subject. “What about Steve? Any word on visiting hours for him?”.

“I want to see Uncle Steve too!”, Grace immediately said, making both adults smile.

“I think in a few more hours we’ll be able to see him, Chin’s is gonna come by later to check. Nahele wanted to come, but the hospital won’t let him and Five-0 doesn’t have enough pull for that, apparently”, she frowned, then turned to Grace with a lighter expression on her face, “But you, young lady, I think you need to get home”, Kono said, getting up and putting her hands on Grace’s shoulders.

Grace started to pout again, but Danny interrupted the play, “She’s right, Monkey, tomorrow you have school, you can come by after. We’re not going anywhere”.

They took off, leaving Danny bored out of his mind before he got too tired to stay awake.

The next day, Dr. Cornett said he was going to be transferred to the transplant unit, Steve would be getting the ICU treatment for one more day. And then Dr. Cornett prompted: “What do you think of a joined room? Dr. Haena suggested it, she’s in the hospital’s psychology staff, she believes it can help with both of your recoveries”.

And Danny thought, _Sure, if it’s going to help, I’ll obviously do it_. He did not take his big jumble of feelings – _feelings for Steve_ – In consideration in that decision-making process.

So when he saw Steve being wheeled in in his bed, eyes closed and a bunch of nurses holding a bunch of equipment, Danny’s heart did a flip and his stomach lurched, and suddenly they were all checking him and making sure his vitals were okay and all the machines doing their job right. He wanted to tell them he was fine, he was just that stupid.

After that they kept missing each other, Danny would wake up when Steve was asleep, then Steve would wake when Danny was sleeping. Their visitors would trickle by, catching either one or the other awake. Steve had entertained Grace and Charlie for him when they came by and Danny was conked out, Steve also had to humor a very awkward Rachel while she chaperoned the kids. Apparently Grace ranted about the whole situation to Eric, who relayed the whole thing back to Danny. It was just his luck that Steve got to see _Danny’s_ kids, and he got to endure _Eric_.

The team stopped by a lot, mostly to keep them updated on the case. They got the Dae Won guy to turn on his contacts, who turned on their contacts, and the whole operations was being shut down. The drug money had been being used to finance some big player on Southeast Asia, but whoever it was went underground by the time the DEA got there.

Five days after the whole debacle, Danny woke to people talking. He recognized Steve’s voice, a bit rougher than normal, but he guessed it was expected, they just started being able to have _water_ the day before. He was talking lowly, but Danny wasn’t awake enough to try to understand what he was saying. Then came Nahele’s voice, also speaking quietly, but clearer.

“… they wouldn’t let me see you”, Nahele said and sniffed, “Grace came with Kono, and they let her see Danny, but they said I couldn’t come while you were at ICU. I felt awful.”, Nahele kept his voice leveled as he was talking, but when Danny opened his eyes to look over Steve’s bed, he saw Nahele hunched over, sitting at the edge of Steve’s mattress by his feet, fidgeting with the hem of his own shirt, eyes trained on his hands and the corners of his mouth firmly down.

Danny chanced a look at Steve and his heart flipped again. He looked miserable. He probably felt miserable physically, but the look in his eyes were all emotion.

“It’s okay, keiki”, Steve soothed, “You don’t have to make a decision right now. I told you I wasn’t going anywhere, and I’m still here. You can take more time if you need, don’t feel pressured because of this”. Danny was maybe full of drugs, but it kind of sounded like Steve was trying to talk Nahele out of whatever decision he made, which was insane, because it sounded like Nahele was choosing to stay with Steve.

Nahele also didn’t looked soothed by Steve’s words. He looked over at Steve’s face, worrying at his bottom lip. “You don’t…”, his voice faltered, and he cleared his throat, “What are you saying, Commander?”.

Danny closed his eyes again so not to get caught listening in.

He heard Steve sigh.

“I’m not trying to talk you out of it”, a lie, but Nahele probably didn’t caught it, “I just want to make sure _you’re_ sure”.

Nahele didn’t say anything for a while, making Danny want to open his eyes again to peek.

“I’m sure”, came the whispered response eventually. “I want… I want you to adopt me. Sir. Commander. Steve.”, Nahele said, making his voice steadier as he said it until the jumble of titles that was probably accompanied by a grimace.

Danny had to try really, _really_ , hard not to smile like a loon.

“Okay. Okay”, and at least Steve _sounded_ like he was smiling, “We’ll get started on that as soon as I’m out of here. I have to recover for a few weeks”, more like months, but Danny wasn’t going to call him out on that one right at that moment, “and I can put my sole focus on this, okay? C’mere”.

And Danny had to peek at that, he looked over the side to see Nahele gingerly scooting over and leaning down to hug Steve, who patted him on the back with his less wired hand.

Danny’s throat decided that was the moment it would get incredibly dry and make him cough like he was about to spit out the other half of his liver.

“Danny!”, Steve yelled, and probably tried to move, because than he grunted and groaned rather painfully and loudly.

He tried saying “I’m fine”, bit it just came out a bunch of blurbs.

Nahele stood in front of him, not sure what do, so he called in for a nurse who just gave Danny some water.

“How’re you doing, kid?”, Danny asked, leaning back against his pillows, his bed having been slightly raised by the nurse.

Nahele shot a smiling look at Steve before saying, “I’m okay”.

“Yeah? How’s school?”

Nahele just smiled wider, Steve had a small grin of his own, though he seemed two seconds of passing out from exhaustion.

“I have a football game next friday, second of the season. Coach said we’re good to go”, he shrugged then, “I’m a starting wide receiver”, he said in a mix of pride and bashfulness, “but I guess you guys can’t come, right?”.

And Danny could’ve sworn Steve was wide awake in a second, ready to go to the game right at that second.

“No, no, we can –“, Steve started, barely looking awake enough.

“Steve”

“What?”

“We’re in a hospital. We’re in a hospital because I gave you half my liver and we can’t go to _football games_ two weeks after _I gave you my half liver!”_.

Steve’s whole face was about to protest, but Nahele interrupted with, “It’s totally fine, Commander. Steve. Uh. You guys can come for the rest of the season”, he said, smiling again.

Steve seemed to realize he was too tired to argue and just decided to agree to not miss another game.

“You should ask him to show you his old football games, kid”, Danny fake whispered, making Steve roll his eyes and Nahele scrunch up is nose as he smiled.

There was a throat clearing at the door and they turned to see their nurse, “Mr. Huikala, visitation hours are over in five, okay?”, she said kindly, and Nahele seemed to take a deep breath before nodding and getting up.

“I’ll come by another day, okay?”, he asked.

“Sure, kid, I’m not going anywhere”, Steve said, raising a fist which Nahele bumped happily.

Nahele shoot them a toothy grin before leaving, one that scrunched his nose and closed his eyes. That kid was adorable.

“He seems happy”, Danny said, feigning ignorance as he watched the kid leave.

He waited for Steve to say something, like the big life altering news he just had, but when Danny turned around to look at him, Steve had a frown on his face, his lips pressed together like they were glued shut. The light from the windows cast in his face, the sky getting ready to turn into night, something was wrong.

“You okay, babe?”, Steve just frowned more. “Steve?”.

“I can’t do this, Danny”, he grunted out.

Steve was staring right ahead, like there was a perp right below the TV set. Danny waited for some kind of elaboration on the statement, but Steve just continued with his death glare.

“Buddy, I’m gonna need more than that”.

Steve sighed, his nostrils flaring. Danny didn’t understand what was happening, suddenly the AC was too cold.

“Nahele said he wanted…”, he breathed out, like it was painful, “He said he wanted me to adopt him”.

Danny didn’t need to fake his confusion, “Well, that’s good right? Isn’t it what you wanted?”.

Steve closed his eyes and leaned his head further into the pillows, a grimace colouring his features as the movement probably pulled at all of his new scars.

“It was”.

“Steve…”, Danny started, because there was a pit somewhere inside of him, dreading where that conversation was going, “You can’t back out of something like this. You understand me? You’re gonna crush him and he doesn’t deserve it”.

“ _EXACTLY! He doesn’t deserve this!”_ , Steve half yelled, half hissed, it was probably still a painful strain.

“Whoa, whoa”, Danny put his hands up as much as he could, “What _are you_ talking about?”.

“I almost _died_ , Danny. Then what? What would’ve happened to him? He’d be an orphan all over again. And just a couple of days ago, I had a classified op and I’ll probably have one again, and I can’t tell him anything! And I don’t wanna be that guy, y’know? That _person_. Who _always, always_ puts the job first”, Danny thought Steve would finally talk about Catherine or Doris, maybe even his dad, but then Steve just stopped talking again, and Danny just grew more frustrated.

“Are you not gonna mention Doris then?”, he snapped, and as soon as the word Doris was out of his mouth, Steve’s walls went up, like the curtain they pulled between their beds when the nurses and doctor needed them to have privacy.

“ _What_ does this have to do with _Doris_?”, Steve squinted with his whole face like Danny was somehow crazy for making the connection.

“What this – Are you kidding me? ‘ _What does this have to do with Doris?’!_ ”, Danny was on the verge of yelling and already kind of getting winded, his arms flailing uncoordinatedly and making the bed rattle and creak, “She _left! Twice!_ Are you that dense? This crisis your having is clearly about Doris!”.

“I’m not a child who needs protecting, Danny! It’s completely different. Nahele is going to need things from me that this job won’t let him have!”.

“I have the same job as you! And I have two kids!”.

“You have Rachel!”, Steve yelled back, making Danny’s brain short-circuit for a second.

The light coming from the windows was starting to fade and screaming into the dark seemed easier than into Steve’s angry face, but any minute now a nurse would probably come to check on them and turn on the lights from the room.

“I don’t wanna hurt the kid, Danny”, Steve grounded out and he looked on this side of loopy. The heated discussion was taking a toll on him too, but Danny was going to power through it so he could say what he needed to say, and Steve was just going to have to take it.

“Well, tough, you’re gonna hurt him either way!”

At that, Steve, with a horrible grimace, stretched out his arms and pulled close the curtain between them. So much for taking it.

“Do you remember what you said to me? When you found out that Catherine lied to you about doing the relief missions?”, Danny asked, voice rising to be heard over the closed fabric.

“What, Danny? What did I say?”, Steve countered, also yelling, done with the whole conversation.

“You said you got it, why she did it. That you probably would have done the same. _Well_ , I’m here to tell you, that it's bullshit. It’s bullshit! Every time, _every single time_ , you needed to do something ‘ _classified’_ , you told me. Maybe you didn’t tell me specifics, but you always told me. With a _goddamn_ ‘ _Dear Danno’_ letter, with a phone call, anything! So no, you have _never_ done the same, so no, you will not do the same with Nahele, _so no_ , you do not ‘ _get’_ why she did it, you just didn’t want to admit you were hurt by the fact that she _lied_. Or I don’t know, maybe you did understand why she did it, but that doesn’t mean that she still didn’t hurt you!”

Danny took a deep breath. Steve pushed the curtain back. He looked like a mix between stunned and angry. When he spoke again, Danny tried softening his voice. The light coming from the window was barely there, but he could still see Steve’s eyes, so he tried to make them not look away from him. He was getting _way_ off topic.

“And you keep doing it, babe. Catherine lied and your mom lied, and they _hurt_ you, I know they did, but you keep making excuses for them and never admitting that what they did to you was shitty. Your mum promised you’d talk and then just up and left, and I know you were angry when you realized she wasn’t coming back, but I also know you were sad and disappointed. I’m just trying to say – _god_ , I’m just trying to say that I know you love them, I know you care for them, but you have to hold them accountable for their actions. You gotta stop putting them up on a pedestal. You deserve better, _so much better_ , than what you’re letting yourself have”.

Now Steve just looked stunned, his eyebrows all the way up on his hairline, eyes wide with wonderment.

Danny kept talking because what else was he going to do? _Leave?_

“I know things didn’t go the way you wanted, and that you don’t want to hurt Nahele. But please believe me when I say that adopting that kid will be the best thing for the both of you. And it will shift your whole worldview, taking care of someone like this, but you’re already halfway there. You’re not your mother or your father, you’ll care for that kid because that’s what you do, that’s what you’ve been doing ever since you came to Hawaii”.

“Fixing broken toys, huh?”, Steve asked so quietly, Danny almost missed it over the sound of the whizzing coming from the machines.

Danny opened his mouth to say something, but the lights from the room were suddenly lit and he turned around to see their nurse, Ms. Aizawa, coming in to check on them. She asked them the routine questions and check their respective machines, promised to bring some more water in a bit, and left.

By the time Danny looked back at Steve the guy had his eyes closed and mouth open, snoring softly.

-

_Steve didn’t know how to feel_

-

A few more days, a few more visits and a few more check-ups later, they were deemed healthy enough to go home with one and a half months’ worth of leave from work.

Steve meant what he said to Nahele about getting things ready for the adoption, even though he thought the kid would be better off without him. But after the talk with Danny – well, after the screaming session with Danny – things got jumbled up in his head. But he couldn’t back away from his decision, Danny was right about that, it wouldn’t be fair to Nahele.

But, Steve also didn’t count on the fact that a liver transplant recovery was _exhausting_. The first few days he mostly slept – don’t call it naps – and generally existed as a poor imitation of a vegetable, so he did no progress whatsoever on the Nahele situation.

Mary had taken a week off work – Steve was horrified when he found out she was a P.I. in the mainland – To come take care of him in Hawaii, the upside being that he could see his niece, even though he was too sore and tired to play with her.

By the time he was recovered enough to hold an actual conversation with his sister, day four had rolled by and he still hadn’t told her about Nahele.

He slept a couple of hours before dinner, ate whatever it was Mary tried calling chicken, and waited until Joan went to living room to watch TV before breaching in the subject.

“I have something to tell you. Something big”, he started.

“Are you gonna _propose?_ ”, Mary interrupted promptly.

His brain short-circuited for a second, he felt his whole face squint, “Propose _to whom?_ ”.

Mary rolled her eyes like he was being dense on purpose. “Lynn! Obviously, duh”.

“Lynn. _Lynn?_ We’re not dating anymore, Mary, I told you that”, he tried remembering when he told her that, but couldn’t.

“No, you didn’t. In fact, you haven’t mentioned her in a while during our regular phone calls. I just guessed there wasn’t anything to tell. I was clearly wrong, huh?”.

Steve grimaced. That had been a crazy week.

“It was a few months after we started dating. After… After Deb, y’know?”, he cleared his throat, feeling it tighten, “We had a weird Valentine’s Day, and then a weird few weeks, she said some things, we decided to call it quits as friends.”, he shrugged, because there really wasn’t much else to tell.

Mary sighed.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me”, Mary said seriously, eyebrows raised and eyes down on the table between them.

“Sorry, Mare”, he said.

She shrugged, but Steve could tell he was still on ice for that one.

“What about you?”, he asked.

“What about Danny?”, she asked at the same time, making him backpaddle again.

“ _What?_ What about Danny?”.

Mary rolled her eyes again. She did it almost as much as Grace. “Is he still with that Melissa/Amber woman?”.

“Yeah”, was his first instinct to say, because Danny hadn’t told him otherwise, but then… “Well, I don’t know. I think so? But she never came by the hospital, so I guess not”, was he final confusing answer.

Mary rolled her eyes harder, if that was possible.

“You guys are the worst”, she grumbled.

Steve sighed, not wanting to be within 10-feet of that discussion.

“What about you? Seeing anyone?”, he asked again, but Mary just made a face.

“Me? I have a kid, no time for that”.

He was about to talk about having to take time for herself when the reason for that conversation came back to him.

“Yeah, talking about that… That’s what my news is about”.

“Joan?”

“No, kids”

“Kids?”

“Well, not _kids_. _A_ kid. One kid.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”, she asked, her whole face squinting at him. Must be a McGarrett thing.

“I’m going to adopt. Adopt a kid. Nahele. You’ve met him, I think”.

“The kid who stole dad’s car?”, she said more in surprise than judgement, but Steve felt defensive all the same. “Woah, calm down with the murder stare, okay? Just asking if it’s the same kid. He’s, what, seventeen?”.

If Steve had feathers, they would all be ruffled.

“He’s fifteen, and yes, he stole the marquis last year. But he’s been doing so much better now, I talked with his social worker and they placed him in a good home for a while. But his father died a couple months ago, okay? And everything went out the window and he’s been scrambling a bit. I’ve been trying to help him through the sidelines since the beginning, but I can’t anymore. I just can’t”.

And that was probably the most words he said since the surgery – he didn’t have Danny’s lung capacity – and after the whole speech Steve was _winded_.

When he looked at Mary she had a soft look on her eyes and a knowing smile.

“What?”, he grumbled, uncomfortable with being looked at like that.

Mary shrugged again. “Nothing. Fatherhood looks good on you, that’s all”.

And didn’t _that_ take all the wind out of him?

“Thanks”, he said with a smile of his own.

Mary got up after that and he followed her to the kitchen, leaning over the counter as he helped her with the dishes.

“What about Danny though?”, she asked. _Again?_

“What do you wanna know, Mare?”.

“He gave you _his liver_. Surely you guys are…”, she trailed off, like Steve was somehow supposed to know what the hell she was talking about.

“Friends?”, he tried, but that only made her groan and splash him with soapy water.

“You guys are the worst”, she said again, and again Steve didn’t want to be within 10-feet of that discussion, so he didn’t say anything else.

-

Steve was on week two of his recovery and bored out of his mind, Mary and Joannie already back in the mainland, and him with nothing aside SportsCenter and a bunch of reruns. He was so desperate he watched “Eat, Pray, Love” the day before when it was on instead of a Bruins game. _Don’t ask him if he liked it_.

He had spent the better part of the last few days trying to find some semblance of normalcy with Nahele again. Nahele was a busy kid, with school, football practice and his job at Kamekona’s, Steve barely saw him since he got out of the hospital. He never noticed how much going to Kamekona’s truck after clocking out of the office or at lunch was a way for him to keep up with Nahele’s life, but barely being able to do a grocery run without getting winded – _don’t tell Danny_ – meant that he spent most of his time at home.

Steve almost asked Nahele to come over to work on the Marquis the weekend Mary left, but when he sat down on the lounger to make the call, suddenly he was waking up and three hours had passed and it was already too late in the day.

For the most part, Nahele seemed fine. But Steve still worried, he would catch himself wondering if the kid made to school okay, if he had other friends to help him go through Makaio’s loss.

Nahele only mentioned Makaio once since he died. Back when Mary was still taking care of Steve, Nahele had come over for dinner right after his football game, so Mary could meet him “officially” – or so she put it – as Steve’s kid. Steve didn’t try to correct her by saying Nahele wasn’t his kid yet.

Steve was sitting by the kitchen table, trying his hardest not to let his eyes close as Mary and Nahele made dinner and Joanie ran around the kitchen with her sippy cup in one hand and a rag doll on the other, making _whooshing_ sounds like the doll was an airplane. Nahele would pick her up and make _whooshing_ sounds too, and Joanie would laugh loudly, and Steve and Mary shared a fond look that made him dizzy with feelings.

Mary was making something that could maybe resemble a stew and Nahele was desperately trying to salvage it when she wasn’t looking.

“Makaio’s mum couldn’t cook either. He would always complain about the lunches she packed for him”, he said with a something like a smile, when Mary went to take Joanie to the bathroom to clean up before dinner. “She made me take some food with me after his funeral, I couldn’t eat even half of it”, Steve could see Nahele’s attempt at smiling like he usually would, nose scrunching up and eyes closing, but he ended up just sniffing, eyes down on the sad excuse for stew on the stove in front of him.

“Did you go by yourself?”, Steve asked, because he had to know. Not like he could’ve gone too, he was probably still in the hospital, loopy on drugs.

To his despair, Nahele nodded, then said: “It’s okay”.

Steve wanted to say it wasn’t, but then Mary came down again with Joanie in tow, asking Nahele to pick her up again. Nahele leaned down to her with a smile and obeyed, making her laugh and laugh.

-

“Do I have to get a lawyer?”, Steve asked into the phone.

“Do you – Yes! Obviously, you dope”, Danny screamed, making Steve wince and regret having the thing between his shoulder and ear. He heard Grace complain about Danny’s loud voice somewhere in the background.

At the moment, Steve was at the upstairs lanai, a folder with the paperwork and guidelines Ms. Prescott dropped off for him in both of his hands, and Danny on the phone in his ear. The sun was making its way through the sky, casting shadows over the lanai and the grass bellow.

“I should’ve asked Mary when she was here”, Steve grumbled, but Danny heard anyway.

“Yeah, why didn’t you?”.

_Because she kept bringing_ you _into the conversation for no apparent reason and I got weirded out_ , is what Steve didn’t say.

“I was pretty tired half the time”, he said, which was half true.

“Uh huh”, Danny said, unconvinced, but kept talking anyway, “I’m more familiarized with custody cases, so familiarized I think I might know more than the shitty lawyer I got for Charlie’s case, so I don’t how much I can actually help you there”.

“Well, you told me to get a lawyer, that’s already something”.

“I hate you”, Danny grumbled.

“You love me”, Steve said back, matter-of-factly.

Steve was met with a grumble on the other line that made his eyebrows go up. He cleared his throat before continuing talking, “I’m not one hundred percent sure if everything is more complicated or not that I’m trying to adopt a kid who’s already in the foster system. Ms. Prescott said it would be faster, especially because I already have a relationship with him and I’m already a contact to the people from CPS even though I don’t foster him. But it’s still a minimum of _four months_ until everything is finalized.”

Danny _hummed_ into the phone, “Four months is a long time”.

“Four months is _too long_ ”, Steve frowned at all the fine print in his lap, he wasn’t whining, “What if he changes his mind? What if the group home is awful and he runs away again? He might be sent to a _facility,_ Danny, he’s already filed as a runner in the system”.

Danny laughed and Steve wanted to scold him. Steve squinted at the sky. The sun was starting to move over the house and soon his lanai was going to be bathed in uncomfortable and not medically approved sun light. He was to lazy to move yet though, the breeze coming from the ocean, the sound of the waves lapping lazily over the shore, and Danny’s voice in his ear lulling him to a safe place somewhere inside of himself.

“Steve, calm down, you’re spending too much time with me. Stop thinking about all the ways this could go wrong”, Danny soothed, “Your job is to make sure you do everything right and to the letter. No run-arounds or immunity and means on this one, babe”.

“Nuh uh, that’s your job, Danny. Always has been”.

Danny’s laugh was amused.

“You know people are going to have to go inspect you and the house, right? You have to show yourself as a law-abiding citizen”.

“Hey, I _am_ a law-abiding citizen”.

“The bazillion red lights you go through every week tell a different story, babe”, Danny countered, but his voice was still light, “And if it’s my job to make sure everything’s above board, what are _you_ going to do, huh?”.

Steve smiled, squinting at the approaching sun light. He felt like a rope was tugging at his heart, maybe it was the incision scar over his sternum.

“Well, I guess my jobs is just trying not to make myself crazy over these four months”.

“Nope, that’s my job too, ask Kono. McGarrett Craziness Regulation is literally what I do”.

Steve’s smile felt too wide for his face.

“Well, then. I guess I’ll just seat back and relax and you can come and take over all this paperwork”.

Steve went through what he just said in his head, then he went through the whole conversation again. _Were they – Were they flirting?_

It sure as hell sounded like it.

But then Mary’s voice came in his mind: _“Is he still with that Melissa/Amber woman?”_.

“Hey, Danny”, Steve said, interrupting whatever it was the other one was saying in his ear, “What happened with Amb – Melissa? You guys still together?”.

Danny didn’t say anything for what it felt like the longest 10 seconds, then, “What? Why?”.

Steve shrugged, even though Danny couldn’t see him. “Just wondering. She never came by the hospital and you haven’t mentioned her in a while”.

Danny let out a breath into the receiver, through the phone it just sounded like static.

“No. We are not together anymore. It’s been, hm, some time”.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why you broke up?”

“Why do you wanna know?”

Steve sighed, putting all the papers back into the folder and getting up. The sun was getting too close to his spot. “Humor me, Danny. I’m bored”.

He heard Danny groan and he took out the phone from his shoulder to his free hand. He was all the way to the bottom of the stairs when he finally got an answer.

“We wanted different things”.

Steve made a face, “That’s not an answer”.

“What you mean ‘it’s not an answer’? Is the one you’re getting”.

“ _No_ , that’s a lawyer answer, and you know it”.

Danny huffed and Steve smiled, plopping down on the couch but not turning on the TV yet. He could still hear the ocean from where he was.

“I meant that though. We _did_ want different things. She was… _young_. I have two kids. Whoever I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, if there is going to be someone, has to be a pa-uh-parental figure, hm”, Steve frowned at the sudden stutter, but kept listening quietly on his end, “You know? Not just a friend. I could tell that Grace liked her but didn’t look up to her like that. And Melissa mostly agreed with me. I didn’t even tell her that I… you know”.

“I know?”

“ _You know”._

“What am I supposed to know, Danny?”

“Are you being dense on purpose?”

_Why everyone kept assuming that?_

“Swear I’m not”.

Danny groaned again, Steve could picture him rubbing a hand over his face. “I didn’t tell her _I loved her_ ”, he whispered the last part, probably so Grace wouldn’t hear him.

_Oh_. “Oh”, Steve had to clear his throat, remembering clearly that they had the same problem on _Valentine’s Day_. _Months ago_. “Well, did you?”

“Did I what?”

Steve took a deep breath. “Are you being dense on purpose?”, he asked, because Danny wasn’t above it.

“Nope”, he popped the ‘p’ when he said it.

“Did you love Amber?”

“Melissa”, Danny corrected.

“Whatever!”, Steve half yelled, half growled.

He could _see_ that Danny had been being dense on purpose and was now probably smirking on the other line.

Then he heard Danny sigh, and struggled to hear the murmured response, “I don’t think I did. Love her, I mean”.

Steve hummed, not sure how to go on with the subject. “Sorry, buddy”, was all Steve could come up with. “Why didn’t you tell me, though?”.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Lynn?”

“I told you about Lynn!”

“Nope, _Melissa_ told me about Lynn after _Lynn_ told _her_ ”.

Steve was sure he must have told _someone_ about Lynn.

“I don’t know, Danny! You were in Jersey! Sang Min was almost wrongfully accused of murder! There was a lot going on!”. Steve had to take another deep breath. He should probably start on lunch soon. Mary had left a bunch of frozen leftovers for him when she left. “So, you broke up with Melissa after that, then?”

“Yeah. Remember when the Camaro got stolen? I was with the kids eating at that food truck?”.

“Yeah?”.

“Was a bit before that. I was with the kids to tell them about the break-up, actually. Get used to it, though. That’s what having kids is like, buddy. Everything, _everything_ , that changes in your life has to go through them too”.

They kept talking until Steve’s phone heated up so bad it turned itself off. He had been in the middle of making lunch, with the call on speaker phone, hearing Danny and Grace go through their own lunch preparations, Danny talking Steve through lawyers and fees and how to talk to Nahele about the whole thing, Grace intervening from time to time to pass some wisdom of her own, and suddenly the kitchen was quiet.

Steve looked up from where he was throwing a salad together, like somehow his house had been placed inside a noise cancelling bubble. When he noticed his turned off phone, he felt like the rope he felt tugging at him earlier was suddenly cut off and he pressed a hand over the surgery scar on his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from the song I forget where we were, by Ben Howard
> 
> hope you guys like this chapter! It's set around 6x25 and before 7x1.  
> I think it was one of my favorites to write, I clearly had somethings to get off my chest in regards of how the EP treated the women on the show.  
> Also, there's things in fanfic that are more canon for me than actual canon, so a bunch of things like the ricky bonaducci thing and mary being a PI were inspired by the Yours, Mine & Ours verse, from osointricate, i think is one of my favorite hawaii 5-0 fics tbh.


	4. Bridges could burn for you

_-_

_The half and whole truths about Danny Williams_

-

One month after the surgery, Steve came to him with: “I wanna go back to work”.

They’d be talking practically every day on the phone, but right then and there Danny debated just hanging up on him to pretend he didn’t hear it. He also had no idea why Steve felt like he needed to tell _Danny_. Steve was his _boss_.

Danny had to take a deep, _deep_ , breath for that one. _McGarrett Craziness Regulation_. “We still have _two weeks_ of regular check-ups, with another one tomorrow actually, and you want to go back to work? You can’t even drive”, _I can’t even drive_ , Danny didn’t say.

“Who says I can’t drive?”, the guy had the nerve to ask him.

“The field of medicine that’s who!”, he yelled over the phone, his hand making a wide motion.

Danny got it, okay? He _understood_. He was jittery too with too much pent-up energy and too little to do. He was sure Steve was doing laps on the ocean and running 10Ks every day, but Danny was a _good patient_ , he _listened_ to the doctors.

_And the wheelchair race was not his idea._

-

If Kono rolled her eyes any harder, Danny was sure she’d be able to see the inside of her own head. Granted, the group hangs they did were about to get increasingly outside her interests. Or at least immediate interests.

Chin had temporary custody of little Sara and basically turned into Super Uncle overnight. Danny and Lou both had their kids. And Steve had just officially started the process for Nahele’s adoption. So everything they were talking about ended up being about kids and parenting and Kono was clearly _bored_.

“It’s not that I don’t want to have kids”, she said to Danny by the bar, he couldn’t drink, but she still needed help bringing everyone’s order to the table, “I do. But not _now_. I just got married a year ago! And I probably wanna carry anyway, so Steve and Chin comparing notes about Child Protective Services’ certifications _and_ requirements _and_ procedures”, she groaned midway through her sentence, she may have been a few drinks in already, “it’s not something I really care about”. She paused, collecting her drink and Chin’s and leaving Lou’s for Danny to get, “No offense, though”.

Danny had to laugh. “Sorry, babe, the new parent glow takes a while to wear off. You’re going to have to suffer for a _while_ ”.’

“They’re not even parents yet!”, she bellowed, drinks splashing as she waved her arms around in frustration. “C’mon, Danny, you gotta give me something. Anything that it’s not kid related”.

Danny just shrugged, “Don’t know what to tell you. My life is pretty boring. The parts that aren’t boring you always there anyway”.

Kono let out a whine but she was smiling, “C’mon, brah. You’re not seeing anyone? Want me to hook you up? I’ll be your wing-woman tonight if you want!”.

Danny almost choked on his own spit. Which was a huge mistake near Kono. “You’re seeing someone, aren’t you?”, and oh, no, she had that horrible predatorial smile on her face. The one that said she was gonna have a good time and _he_ was definitely _not_.

When they got to the table she was chanting: “Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me”, over and over again, which drew everyone else’s attention too.

“Tell you what?”, Lou asked, grabbing his drink from Danny’s hands.

“Danny’s seeing someone”, she said like it was the dirtiest news and he felt himself blush.

Danny was regretting Steve’s last-minute change of heart into joining them after that day’s case.

“Who’s the lucky one this time?”, Lou asked, chumming closer to Danny.

“C’mon, brah, you can tell us”, Chin chimed in.

Steve was oddly quiet, staring at him owlish. Danny was blushing _furiously_. Thank _god_ for Rumfire’s horrible lighting.

“I’m not seeing anyone!”, he all but yelled, “Kono, if you don’t drop it Imma start talking about school districts”, he hissed in her direction.

And wasn’t that the wrong fucking thing to say? Everyone laughed but Kono, he just showed his hand, and she knew it.

So when he excused himself to pay for his miserable orange juice and dinner, she cornered him by the counter.

“What’s going on with you, huh?”, she asked then, her eyes serious.

By the counter things were quieter, the rumble of people moving back and forth, and the loud music were dimmed, but they still needed to talk a bit above normal volume to be understood. Danny really wished the music were so loud she wouldn’t understand a word he was saying.

“Nothing’s going on”, he said, because it was the sad, sad, truth.

Nothing at all.

“Danny”, she insisted, her eyes starting to worry.

Danny Williams wasn’t a liar. But he didn’t think he could tell the truth on this one either. So the closest thing to the truth was: “It just gets lonely. That’s all”.

Her bottom lip stuck out before she moved to hug him tightly. Danny’s chest constricted and he almost told her everything. He couldn’t though, there wasn’t anything to tell. He could barely make sense of his own feelings half the time. He was looking at Steve differently, he was feeling things for Steve differently, he just wasn’t sure if he was treating Steve differently yet. He didn’t think he would ever cross that line intentionally.

“It doesn’t have to be lonely, okay?”, she whispered into his ear, “We’re here for you”.

He put some distant between them before murmuring back with a smile, “I know, babe, thanks”.

Danny felt like a jerk. Her husband was literally in prison, and here he was, keeping her at arms-length.

She smiled too, but she wasn’t convinced, just backing off. Danny sighed, he was gonna take the win.

Of course when he got home to relieve the last-minute sitter for Grace, checked on his daughter already asleep in her room, and went to bed, his brain refused to shut up. And when he finally nodded off the first image his brain conjured up was Steve jumping after Shaw and dying bloody on the street below them, his chest open, and head cracked against the sidewalk.

Danny jumped up in bed, chills running through his body even though he was sweating. He could always count on Steve J. McGarrett to provide him with new nightmare material.

And then his phone started buzzing, Steve’s face appearing on its screen. Danny’s heart started beating widely against his ribcage.

“Hello?”, he asked against the tightness in his throat.

“Danny?”, came Steve’s voice, breathless.

Danny closed his eyes. “Yeah, what’s wrong, babe? It’s pretty late”.

“You picked up on the first ring”, Steve said like it made sense.

“Yeah? So what?”.

“It _is_ pretty late. Why did you pick up on the first ring? Weren’t you sleeping?”.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had a full night’s sleep, but he wasn’t going to just offer that piece of information. “Were you calling me just to check if I was sleeping? Because I gotta tell ya, that’s counter-productive, buddy”.

“Yeah, no, no. There was a chess piece on my kitchen, Danny. From the set Jerry showed us”.

Danny was pretty sure he just flat-lined right there. “What? From the serial killer killing serial killers?”.

“Yeah. I got home and it was just there. _He was here, Danny_ ”.

Danny could already tell where this was going, and his first thought was to check on Grace again. “If Nahele was there he probably wouldn’t have gone in”, Danny tried to reason, but he was so tired he only half believed in what he was saying, “And the kid is definitely not in the guy’s victim profile. Don’t worry, okay? Just maybe don’t mention this to CPS. Also get a better alarm system. _And_ call HPD to process the place”.

The line was quiet for a second. They had spent so much time on the phone with each other during their weeks off, Danny could already tell Steve just need some time to breathe.

“I doubt they’re gonna find anything”, Steve finally said, “but I’ll call them”.

“Do you want me to stay on the line?”, he asked.

Steve breathed and Danny could tell it was a soft laugh, “No, Danno, it’s fine. Check on Grace. Go back to sleep, okay? I’ll see you in the morning, I think I have an idea”.

“Sure. G’night”, he mumbled.

“Night”, Steve said back.

Danny didn’t sleep.

6a.m. rolled around and Steve texted him the address for one Alicia Brown, FBI serial killer profiler. Retired.

Danny went through the motions of getting Grace ready for school, the compromise she made to live with him was that she’d let Rachel drive her from time to time, and Danny needed to have everything ready a lot earlier than usual. Then he was off to pick up Steve on the way to whoever Alicia Brown was.

The woman was polite, if not blunt occasionally. Danny was only half listening to the conversation. He really should’ve stayed the two more weeks of leave at home. But as soon as Steve said he was going back to work, Danny couldn’t just _not go_.

“… he was in my house”, Steve was explaining angrily, no, not angrily, just frustrated, “I’m going through an adoption process. I’m going to have a _kid_ there with me, and this guy was _in my house_ ”, he said again.

And that seemed to get to Dr. Brown. Even though she still turned them down in the end, she looked at Steve like Steve looked at every victim they met. Like she wanted to help.

Danny was so tired he didn’t even notice when Steve left the chess piece behind on the doctor’s house.

“You okay?”, Steve asked as they drove back to HQ.

The question took a while to register. “Me? Sure, just tired”.

“You didn’t sleep, did you?”.

Danny sighed. He wasn’t a liar. “No, I didn’t. Don’t worry about it”.

Steve breathed in like he was about to say something, but then his phone ringed and they caught a case.

-

_Rachel would hate this guy_ , was what Danny kept thinking as Harry Langford waltzed into their HQ and commandeered the smart table like he was the bloody queen. Danny kinda liked him.

He liked him less when he told them about international arms dealers and undercover jobs. _Been there, done that, have the scar to prove it_ , was what Danny thought. But a woman was dead and world peace was at stake, and Steve had A Look, and A Face to go with it, so what was Danny gonna do? Say he needed a quick nap before going?

They got the information they needed and were gonna follow Harry to find whatever the skeleton key was. Danny knew they explained that already, but that didn’t mean he _understood it_.

“What about Harry?”, Kono asked him as he and Steve were doing inventory to go after Amir Rabbab and the whatever key.

“What about Harry?”, Danny asked. People really needed to start being clearer with their sentences if they were gonna talk to him when he was that sleep deprived.

“You could ask him out”, she suggested.

There was a loud clank and they turned to see the ammo box Steve was holding dropped to the floor, bullets rolling away from them.

Danny turned back to Kono.

“You’re out of your mind”, he said, because Harry? Seriously? “I’ll admit it looks like it’d be fun at least, but no thanks. I don’t do casual”.

Kono pouted. “Don’t give me that look. It’s fine. I’m fine!”, maybe if he said it enough it’d be true.

“Fine, Williams, have it your way. But I’m not done”.

He sighed and just waved her off, concentrating on packing the equipment in front of him.

It didn’t help that Steve was grumpy all the way to their target location, probably still thinking about how that was one more mission he needed to be away for, and it was probably costing him points with Child Protective Services.

Then they were too late for the drop-off. Then they were raiding a compound with the skeleton key. Then Steve impression of an I.T. guy was to shoot the computer until it died.

Danny looked around when they were leaving the compound with the mission somewhat accomplished and thought about where he was. God, he missed the cold weather. Sunshine everyday got old real fast, especially after almost seven years of it. He felt the cold wind prickle the skin of his face and closed his eyes. He needed a goddamn nap.

When he opened his eyes again, Steve was looking at him. Danny cleared his throat.

“You know”, he began, continuing to walk beside Steve to the Interpol van, “London is right around the corner. I know is basically the opposite direction to Hawaii, but we could probably stop by. Piggyback on the Interpol jet or something. There’s this great pub Rachel took me to on our anniversary, best fish ‘n chips you’ll ever have”.

Steve turned to stare at him, the weird look on his face still in place.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to do a victory lap of all the happy memories of you and your ex-wife. Sounds disastrous”

“What’re you talking about? It’s fish ‘n chips”.

“Yeah, and a whole bunch of memories that are gonna make you sad. What’s going on, Danny? You were weird yesterday at Rumfire, you haven’t been sleeping, and now you want to revisit old memories?”.

Danny shrugged. What the hell was he supposed to say to all that? Steve sighed and looked away.

“Maybe I just wanna make some new memories”.

Steve was halfway into staring at him again, when he caught a glimpse of Harry leaving, and then the mission started all over again. They went after Harry, played him somewhere in the Middle East – why did they keep going back there? – raided _another_ compound, Steve shot a guy, they hitched a ride to England with Interpol and everything was closed and shut and Danny was _tired_.

-

They were in London after all. Steve looked around and imagined that this had been half of Danny’s life for a while, married to Rachel. It didn’t feel very _Danny_. Or maybe Steve just didn’t want it to feel that way.

They went out with Harry – Steve was decidedly not thinking about Kono’s comment back at HQ – And Danny took them to the pub he talked about back in Turkey. Harry was fun, if not elusive, made jokes and turned even the most tiresome situation into at least a pleasant one.

Steve and Danny didn’t drink, but they tried keeping up with Harry looser mood as the guy downed pint after pint. They ate the fish ‘n chips, which were actually really good, and around nine p.m. Danny excused himself to call home because of the time difference and update the team. Steve also knew he’d probably call Rachel to let the kids know everything was okay.

Steve wondered if he should’ve called Nahele sooner, but he couldn’t remember what Nahele’s Monday’s were like, maybe he had an early practice, or an early shift at Kamekona’s. Maybe Steve would text. But maybe that would disrupt whatever Nahele was doing.

Steve was so bad at this.

“You okay there?”, Harry asked him, his fifth pint already half empty.

Steve could see Danny from where they were. The pub had a first story landing over the ground floor, the wall it was backed against was lined with windows that looked down to the street. And there Danny was, under a streetlight, phone against his ear, laughing at whatever the person at the other line said.

From the windowsill, probably from poor insolation, Steve could feel the cold air from outside sipping in.

Steve wished he could drink.

“Yeah”, Steve answered, “I’m good. I should be asking you that question though, you look like you wanna clean out the place”.

Harry’s mouth stretched into a smile that wasn’t really a smile to begin with. Something bitter to it. “I’m just trying to get used to the idea that it’s over”.

Steve was familiar with the feeling. Sometimes he thought Wo Fat was still coming after him somehow.

“What was she like? Your wife, I mean”, Steve asked, because Harry looked like he needed it.

Harry started talking about someone who he could let in and open up about everything. Steve’s first thought wasn’t about Catherine. His first thought was about how it used to mean Catherine. But then he remembered everything before they went up in flames. He kept lying to her. She kept lying to him. He took the longest time to even call her his girlfriend, if he ever did call her that. He took the longest time and losing her to tell her he loved her. She asked him how long he wanted her to stay, and then left anyway.

There were so many things he didn’t tell her. So many times he didn’t let her in. He wondered if the person Harry was talking about really ever meant Catherine.

He thought about the calls he and Danny had late at night. Or the calls during the day. How he opened up about everything with him because with Danny Williams you either opened up yourself or he’d pry it open. About the fact that Danny Williams wasn’t a liar.

Then Steve thought about the dark circles under Danny’s eyes, the slump to his shoulders. Danny Williams wasn’t a liar, but he held his deepest truths somewhere inside himself. He wouldn’t lie about them, but he wouldn’t reveal his hand unprompted either. It did take Steve four years to even find out the man was claustrophobic.

With all those thoughts running around in his head, Steve let Harry talk about his wife and didn’t say anything else.

-

He had to calm down Charlie over the phone back at the bar, because he was talking a million miles an hour about wanting to travel too and go see all the places Danny was seeing. Then he had to calm down Grace because she wasn’t a kid anymore and she worried, and things between her and Rachel were icy at best and leaving them together for more than the 48 hours Danny had been on this _Godforsaken Endless Fucking Mission_ , was a recipe for disaster. He then spent twenty minutes hearing Rachel complain about how their daughter spent too much time on her _mobile_ and how Danny wasn’t disciplining her right. And did he know who she was talking to? _Maybe she had a boyfriend. They should know if she had a boyfriend_. Danny wanted to scream into the night until some disgruntled British person screamed back at him to “sod off”.

So when they got back to the hotel, he couldn’t stop his brain from doing overtime on all the problems going on in his life.

“Hey, Danny”, Steve said into the dark, both of them already in bed.

“Yeah”, Danny mumbled, willing his brain to just chill, concentrate on anything else.

“If you want, and I mean, only if you’re okay with it, you can call me. When we’re back home, I mean. And you can’t sleep? You can call me. Or text me. I just… wanna make sure you’re okay. Okay?”.

Danny didn’t know what to say. And that was such a rare thing for him that his brain finally seemed to shut up about everything else too. But then he spent too much time without saying anything that prompted Steve to ask: “You asleep?”.

Danny sighed. “No, no, ‘m awake”. He threw his hand over the side, patting at Steve’s bed until it connected with a shoulder, “Thanks, babe. I’ll think about it”, he said, looking over Steve but without really seeing him in the dark room. He squeezed Steve’s shoulder, and just like the other day, Steve took Danny’s hand in his and held it tightly for a few seconds before letting go again.

Danny fell asleep still feeling the warmth of the touch.

-

“… El Hamadi had dealings all over Europe, Russia and Southeast Asia, he had extensive connections to other arms dealers in Kiev, Cambodia and some Chinese provinces. Most of this connections went underground after the raid, but we have reason to believe they handled small deals in America, including Hawaii, and they might try to do a big push there now that their network is being dismantled…”, the Interpol debriefing meeting was lasting for _hours_. Klara had to be talking for at least three hours already. Danny felt his head pounding and his eyes begging him to close them.

They barely had 6 hours of sleep back in the hotel before being called up to the meeting, and right after that they had a bazillion hour flight to catch.

Combine that with the jet lag, it was a wonder Danny could still see two feet in front of him. Danny was about to really start dozing off when Steve got up next to him, his posture screaming: “Look at me! I’m a Navy SEAL!”.

“HPD and the Five-0 task force are going to coordinate with Pearl-Hickam to keep an eye on any new players coming on the islands. We have already seen an increase on big drug dealings in the last few months that traced them back to the same places El Hamadi was connected too, so we’re going to work with our government to have this investigation be as open as possible with other international agencies”, what Steve wasn’t saying was that he didn’t want the CIA or the FBI to even get a whiff off this.

After a couple more inter-agency exchange of intel, they were let go.

Steve shook hands with a bunch of people as they made their way out, making Danny feel like he was walking with a politician or something. When they were finally in the clear walking back to their hotel to get their things, Steve’s posture was still screaming “Navy SEAL, keep out”.

“What crawled up your ass?”, Danny asked, which made Steve recoil so much, _and blush_ , that he almost ran over two boys in school uniform. “Jesus, _you animal_ , look around before you kill someone”.

Steve was still blushing after he apologized to the boys and they kept walking. “So, are you going to answer me?”, Danny insisted. Steve blushed some more. It was endearing really.

Steve cleared his throat, “Things are weird, Danny. I can’t put my finger on it”.

Danny glanced sideways to Steve’s profile, “What do you mean?”.

“I don’t know. I can’t shake this feeling. Ever since the meeting with Yao Fat. There’s something bigger going on”.

Danny felt a shiver run down his spine that had nothing to do with the London weather.

-

_For Steve, the first step into the ocean went something like this:_

-

Steve went through the motions of getting off the airport, Danny clearly dead on his feet as they made their way out of baggage claim to where Kono and Lou were waiting for them. Kono had a bouncing and happy Grace next to her, who ran like a madwoman as soon as she saw Danny.

Steve felt warmth spread around him as he watched Danny crouch down to hug her, eyes closing like he suddenly could breathe again.

Then Grace hugged Steve’s waist and he petted her hair after leaning down to kiss the side of her head.

They met with the other two waiting, and Kono took Grace and Danny, who shot Steve a halfhearted wave and a tired smile before following Kono to her car.

Steve knew Danny was having a hard time with Grace and Rachel, but the worn out look his friend was wearing was something deeper than that and it grated at Steve that he didn’t know what it was or how to help.

“Ready to go home?”, Lou asked as they made their way to his monstruous SUV.

The sky was already darkening outside, the sun almost completely over the horizon line. Steve looked over the silhouettes of the buildings and trees, he thought about Danny and Grace, and he thought about forgotten calls and unsent texts and said: “Actually, can you take me to HQ? I left my truck there”.

“Where are you going?”, Lou asked, starting to frown.

“Kamekona’s, I’m pretty sure Nahele’s shift isn’t over yet”.

Lou’s frown softened until the guy was smiling. “Chin asked him to look after Sara yesterday, to keep ‘im busy while you guys hopped around the globe”, Lou said as they drove out of the parking lot.

“ _Really?_ ”, Steve turned to look at Lou better. He didn’t ask Chin to do that.

“Well, Nahele kept Sara busy at the truck while Chin pretended to do some Tai Chi nonsense in the sand, but he was just keeping an eye on them. He said the kid seemed fine though”.

Steve couldn’t really identify the feeling coursing through him. Relief, maybe. Astonishment? He couldn’t pinpoint it. He just knew it felt like his heart couldn’t decide if it was going to beat itself out of his ribcage or just stop altogether.

Steve parked as close to the shrimp truck as he could, but with dinner time nearing, the parking lot was getting crowded by the people wanting to dine on the other restaurants near the beach.

He moved between the cars until he had a clear view of the picnic tables. They weren’t full yet, just some early diners and late surfers still in their boardies and bikinis.

Steve frowned.

Nahele was sat at one of the empty tables, books spread around him and a heavy-looking notebook in front of him, a bunch of random objects working as paper weights against the wind coming from the ocean. He was gnawing on the end of a pen, frown in place as he stared at the notebook he had been scribbling on.

Steve cleared his throat when he got closer, not wanting to startle the kid.

Nahele looked up at him, first confused, then unsure, looking around his set up on the table.

“Hey, keiki, what’s all this?”, Steve asked, going for a casual tone, and sitting across from Nahele.

Nahele looked ready to run for the hills. “Hi, Steve, Commander. Sir.”, since the whole adoption process began the kid kept going through every possible title to call Steve, which Steve had no idea how to feel about, “I, hm, on Tuesdays I don’t have the night shift, because it’s a school night and all that, but the new, hm… they can’t pick me up yet, at the group home. And they don’t like me taking the bus this late, or a cab. So I’m waiting for Kamekona or Flippa. And I gotta – I normally would be doing homework by now at the house”, Nahele rubbed at his neck as he talked, eyes skidding around and almost never landing on Steve.

Steve tried to keep his face neutral, but there was so much about Nahele’s life he had no idea about. Sometimes it still felt like that was all a really bad idea.

“How was, uh – can you talk? I mean, about the mission?”, Nahele’s native accent grew thicker as his rambling grew more uncertain.

“It was fine. I’m sorry to have to leave like that. And sorry about not calling too”, Steve felt like he needed to say. The next part slipped out, probably because of jet lag or at least that was what he wanted to blame it on, “I guess this whole 'being a parent thing' is still coming to me”.

Nahele looked stunned and Steve wanted to take it back immediately. He was about to apologize again when Nahele lowered his head, rubbing at his neck again, and said with something that resembled a smile, “I guess I don’t really know how to be a son too”, his voice was low, almost like he was trying really hard not to say what he was saying, “I don’t really remember what it’s like anymore”. Steve’s heart gave a tug, he really wanted to reach out, but Nahele’s walls seemed sky high, “Mom’s been gone for… years now. Dad… well, you know. He wasn’t much of a dad anyway”.

Nahele was looking sideways into the ocean as he was talking, eyes half-lidded and jaw tight. Steve held out his hand, catching the kid’s eye, who stared at Steve’s hand like it was somehow going to explode in his face. Carefully, Nahele’s hand reach out to him too. Steve enveloped the smaller hand in between both of his.

“We’re gonna figure this out together, okay?”, Steve said, making sure Nahele was looking him in the eye. Nahele nodded but didn’t say anything else. “C’mon, I’ll give you a ride back”, Steve said, holding the kid’s hand tight for a couple more seconds before helping him gather all the school things on the table.

Steve wondered if the list of titles Nahele went through all the time to call him was going to include “Dad” too someday.

-

Steve had promised Nahele he was going to the games for the rest of the season, back when Steve was in the hospital – he only missed one since then because Five-0 caught a case in the middle of it – and after getting back from London, Five-0’s schedule got suddenly packed with Interpol calls and leads and liaisons with Pearl-Hickam and if Steve could see Nahele once a day was a miracle, and he already had to reschedule two CPS classes.

So when Nahele asked if Steve was going to his next game, Steve told Duke to only call him if there was a nuke coming their way and said yes.

Steve didn’t just start going to Nahele’s games though, the kid had been playing ever since he’d been placed with the Kekoa’s and Steve arranged for him to go to Kukui High in the next school year, making a hundred odd promises to the principal, and god, that he’d get Nahele a private tutor to get him up to date in the six months before the school year started, so he could go to the same grade as the other students his age.

Steve didn’t know how to react when the private tutor said Nahele barely needed her, that he’d taken the syllabus she’d prepared and the class program and just run off with it, having studied and exercised without her barely having to explain anything to him.

Steve felt so proud he didn’t know what to do with himself. Nahele wasn’t his son and back then he had no prospect of changing that.

_“Chemistry is my favorite”_ , Nahele had said when Steve went to show him Kukui’s campus. _“And physics. Biology too”_.

_“Anything you don’t like?”,_ Steve had asked around a grin, walking the same halls he did twenty odd years ago.

_“I liked the reading lists Ms. Luana”_ , his tutor, _“gave me, but not so much the English classes. I don’t like having to remember dates for history either”_ , he had paused, peeking inside an empty classroom, _“You’re good at all that stuff, right, sir?”_

Steve had rolled his eyes at the “ _sir_ ”, but let it go.

_“I was a good student, specially at Annapolis, but back here, English was probably my weak subject too, specially because it was right before football practice and I just wanted to get out of there”._

Steve had pointed forward to where he wanted to take them, the trophy case with his and Chin’s pictures.

_“See?”,_ he’d said _, “Beat every single of Chin’s records before moving to the mainland”_. He had watched as Nahele eyed the trophies, photos and plaques, _“You like any sport?”._

Nahele had nodded without taking his eyes off the case. _“Hm, yeah, football, mostly, but I don’t really know how to play. I like baseball too, Detective Williams said you guys coached his daughter’s baseball little league team?”_

The thought of Catherine getting involved in the competing team’s coaching so she could spend more time with Steve was suddenly on the forefront of Steve’s mind and he had gotten lost in the memory for a second before answering.

_“Uh, yeah, Danny is a big baseball fan. He likes everything though, football, baseball, hockey, never say anything against a Jersey team in front of him if you ever want to know peace again, the guy will talk your ear off. Specially about the Devils”_

Nahele had turned to look at him in confusion, _“Devils are a…”_

_“Hockey team”,_ Steve had clarified.

Nahele had scrunched his nose, _“Don’t know much about hockey”._

And ever since then football was their thing. Steve taught him the basics to play and Nahele had made the team as a back-up player, but Steve still wore the biggest smile as he kept telling everyone for a week after that.

So he’d go to the few games Nahele would be starting on the season and in more than one occasion Kono had to push him down in the bleachers before he stormed the field to yell at the ref.

So that day, he thought he’d be fine watching Nahele get in the field, running with his teammates under the field’s spotlights. Steve searched for the number 50 – don’t ask him how he felt when he found out that was the number the kid was wearing – and it hit him. That was – or at least was going to be – his son. Right there. His family.

“You okay, boss?”, Kono asked.

Kono had been more or less his constant companion coming to these games, mostly because they got to scream and wind down from their jobs for an hour, and now Steve used it as a way to distract her from being at home alone thinking about Adam. Though Danny would go too most times. Not then, that day he had a “Rachel appointment” as he liked to call the once every couple of weeks event, he had to take Grace too Rachel and Stan’s house so his daughter wouldn’t _“forget what her mother looks like”._

Steve glanced sideways to Kono, working his jaw and clearing his throat, before saying in a rough voice, “Yeah, fine”.

Kono bumped her shoulder against his as the cheerleaders were doing their song and dance and the crowd started to get energized. The night was warm, but the bleachers weren’t full and the wind coming from the field was cool and if Steve weren’t freaking out, he would think it was the perfect Hawaiian weather.

“It’s hitting you, yeah?”, Kono said with a dimpled smile.

Steve looked over at the field as the players got into position, suddenly very aware that Nahele was a receiver and that was like the second most likely position in football to get concussions. He was sure he read that somewhere.

Suddenly Steve’s heart was in his throat and his palms were sweating.

“Yeah, it’s hitting me alright”, he said almost numbly, almost tempted to pray to whatever god there was to not let Nahele get tackled or else he would actually storm the field with Kono probably hanging from his back trying to stop him.

Kono opened her mouth to say something but the game started, and the crowd jumped and screamed, and Steve watched as Nahele ran around the field, so fast skidding away from the opposite team’s offensive players that it was no wonder his coach wanted him as a QB.

“That’s the same face my mom had at every pipeline competition!”, Kono screamed over the crowd’s noise, then screaming at the top of her lungs, “GO, FIVE-0”.

-

They seem to have team milestones to go around. Like getting kidnapped by a serial killer. Chin? Check. Steve? Check. Danny, Kono and Lou were still pending. Danny wanted to be pending for the rest of his life.

Alicia Brown looked 50 shades of nauseous as they met her and Steve by the rock side, trembling like a leaf and every time the ocean waves would splash against the rocks with a loud _swoosh_ she’d flinch.

As someone with a phobia himself, Danny got the feeling.

“Sorry for involving you in all this”, he said to her, because he felt like someone _should_.

He was waiting for her to have a good grip on herself again before he took her to the hospital. Kono and Chin went back to HQ, Lou took Steve to mourn the death of his Silverado, burned to a crisp in an empty field. Danny wanted him to go straight to the ER, he literally just had been stabbed in the back, but in true McGarrett fashion he said: “It’s fine”.

Alicia gave him a watery smile, “I involved myself, detective, it’s fine”.

Danny didn’t have it in him to counter that, so he didn’t, and he also didn’t know her enough to just groan and roll his eyes.

He stayed with Alicia at the ER until HPD sent some officers to get her statement, then he was back into real life as he had to pick up Grace from school. If felt surreal sometimes, the way life shifted. A little under a year ago he had a nuke by his feet, then half an hour later he was dancing sloppily with Steve at Kono’s wedding.

“Did something happen, Danno?”, Grace asked from the backseat.

Danny glanced at her from the rear-view mirror.

“Why do you ask, Monkey?”

“Well, the passenger seat is soaking wet, for starters”.

Danny looked sideways then, and sure enough Alicia’s soaked clothes had seeped into the seat’s fabric.

How was Danny going to explain this one? _Your uncle Steve and a colleague almost drowned today after getting kidnapped by three serial killers, first a lady serial killer,_ then _a couple of serial killers_ , seemed a bit too graphic. _I caught a really big fish_ , was a lie. And it would only work on Charlie.

“Steve and a colleague, of sorts, got thrown in the ocean today. She’s fine, everyone’s fine”, aside from Steve’s car, “but her clothes were soaked through when I gave her a ride”.

Danny played back what he just said in his head, somewhat satisfied with the explanation. Grace probably new she just got the censored version of what had really happened, but she was used to not asking for more details when she could help it.

So Danny just watched her bite her bottom lip for a while, probably trying to read in between the lines of what Danny said. She was too smart for a fourteen-year-old.

“Are we gonna pick Nahele up today again?”, she asked then after a couple of blocks.

Danny looked at her, looked at the time, looked at the light traffic in front of him, at Grace, at the time, at the street.

“Do you want to? I can ask your uncle Steve if Nahele has practice after class today?”.

“It’s okay, he does, he just said his was waiting for his bus”.

“You guys are close, huh?”, Danny asked, changing lanes so he could change his course to get to Nahele’s school.

“All the five-0 kids are on a group chat, well, aside from Charlie and Sara, they’re too young.”, Grace answered dismissively.

Danny didn’t know what to think about that, because apparently Nahele had been adopted by the group long before Steve ever thought about it.

“The five-0 kids, yeah? That’s nice”, he said, just to fill the silence. “Let’s go pick him up, then”.

He glanced at the mirror again just as Grace did too, smiling at him.

Grace let Nahele know they were coming, Danny pulled on the steering wheel a bit, so the car went around a stray cardboard box in the middle of the street. Traffic was gradually getting heavier as people started leaving their offices and the sun started leaving the sky.

“It’s really cool what Uncle Steve is doing”, Grace said after they spent a few seconds in silence. Williams genes weren’t made for long stretches of not talking.

“Yeah?”, Danny was smiling again, but in the rear-view mirror, Grace was looking out the window, a pensive look on her face.

“Hm-hm, yeah. I think so. Nahele doesn’t talk much about himself on the group chat, but he’s been really quiet since his dad and Makaio”.

Things were starting to work themselves into a normal routine with Steve and Nahele since they came back from London. Danny saw Steve making an effort to have some dinners with the kid, even if more often than not they would be working some pretty late cases. Danny even caught Ms. Prescott at HQ a couple of times, then Odell bringing an older man in a suit that Danny could only assume was Steve’s new lawyer.

He wondered if Steve had talked to Nahele about the fact that he lost his dad and then his best friend so close to each other. If anyone, _and he meant anyone_ , could understand that was Steve.

“He seemed excited though, when he told us about Uncle Steve”, Grace said, voice still quiet.

“Aw, Monkey, you guys talk about the grown-ups?”, Danny shook himself, making his voice super sweet, a teasing smile even though Grace couldn’t see it.

But Danny didn’t need to see it to know his daughter just rolled her eyes at him.

“We mostly use the chat to keep up with you guys. When… When Uncle Steve needed your liver, Nahele didn’t even know it until Auntie Kono went to pick me up and I texted everyone there. When we were waiting in the hospital Kamekona said ‘Hele almost fainted and asked for a nurse to check him”, she paused, “But I’m not sure if he was exaggerating”.

Danny was about to faint himself. He had a million other questions, but, _first_ , he didn’t want to interrogate his daughter, _second_ , they had just arrived at Nahele’s school.

He couldn’t believe their kids got worried enough to make a group chat to keep track _of them_. Lou was either gonna cry or have a conniption.

He watched as Nahele got up from the school steps, alone, and made his way to them, a small smile on his face that soothed some of Danny’s latest worries.

“Hi”, he said, motioning to open the passenger door but doing a double take on the wet fabric.

Danny sighed, “Long story. Steve can tell you later. Sit in the back, yeah?”.

Nahele threw another suspicious glance at the wet seat and went to sit beside Grace.

“You should tell him how was school, ‘cause he’s gonna ask”, Grace said to Nahele, making the kid smile.

And so Nahele told him, he talked about his projects and football practice, and when Danny looked in the rear-view mirror, Grace was looking back at him with a smile.

-

“Do you think one of the kids will take Sara trick or treating?”, Chin asked on the other line.

Steve barely just got home after everything with Madison Gray and a trip to the ER for the huge knife that was stuck in his back earlier. Chin had called him to clear up some things about ten minutes ago, and suddenly they were in parenthood – or unclehood in Chin’s case – land again.

“Why don’t you take her yourself?”, Steve asked.

“ _I would_ , but we always get the weirdest cases on Halloween, brah, and _Kono_ just said she wanted the day off with Adam, so _you_ are already gonna a be a man down. I need a contingency plan in case we catch a case, Sara’s really excited”.

Steve scratched at his chin. “Well, you should ask Danny or Lou. I’m not sure what Nahele does for Halloween, but it’s a Tuesday, right? He doesn’t work on Tuesdays nights.”, and Steve was ridiculously proud of himself just for knowing that bit of information.

“Grace’s grounded right? Because of last year? Maybe Danny can get her to go”.

“You want a grumpy teenager taking Sara around?”.

“Maybe Jerry will come too”.

Steve smiled, Jerry was way too into Halloween. He promised Chin to at least ask Nahele if he wanted to take Sara and sat down on the lounger in the living room, the day catching up to him. It was a little less than two months since the transplant and on normal days he was already getting tired before dinner, but that day he was _wiped_ and considering skipping the meal altogether for a – don’t call it nap – good rest.

Then headlights appeared through the windows.

Steve had to get up to investigate. If it was another serial killer he might just let them do their thing, just to get that day over with.

He opened the front door to Danny getting out of the Camaro, followed by Grace. He was carrying what looked like a bunch of takeout bags, and Grace had her school bag on her shoulder.

“Hey, guys, what’re you doing here?”, he asked, because he played the day back in his head, and he was pretty sure he never made plans with Danny _or_ Grace.

“Hi, Uncle Steve!”, Grace bundled up to him, hugging his waist as she always did.

“Hey, Gracie”, he said, kissing the top of her head as he always did.

She went right by him and into the house just as Danny came to a stop in front of him, clearly tired too.

“Hey, buddy”, Danny started with a small smile, “Thought you’d be useless to take care of yourself today, what with being knifed and all that, so I came bearing dinner”. He motioned to the bags in his hands.

“So you did”, Steve said, trying not to sound as amazed as he was.

“Grace is gonna do some homework here if you don’t mind”, Danny said, then paused, looking at Steve with scrutiny that made him almost squirm, “Are you gonna let me in or am I just a delivery boy to you?”.

Steve winced before stepping out of the way.

Grace had already set up at the coffee table, sitting on the floor and a water bottle, that she must have had on her bag, by her feet.

Danny went over to her and left one of the takeout bags next to the bottle, “Don’t make a mess, Uncle Steve is a real poopoo head about it”.

Grace laughed in a way Steve didn’t see much anymore, at least not since Rachel’s lie almost cost Charlie’s life. Grace glanced at Steve for a second, who made a show of rolling his eyes at her dad so her smile would get wider.

Danny just huffed out a laugh and grabbed Steve shirt with his now free hand, dragging him to the kitchen. Steve stared at the hand grabbing him and went easily. Steve watched as Danny sat the bags over his small kitchen table, back stiff and the beginnings of a frown forming between his brows.

“Are you ready for the last weekly check-up tomorrow?”, Danny asked, tone of voice clearly going for casual but missing by a mile as Danny took out everything from the bags, his movements almost mechanical, as he kept rearranging the takeout boxes every time he took out something else, and the proceeded to rearrange everything again.

Steve went around the small table to face Danny, watching his every move and deciding if he should interfere or not.

“Yeah, sure”, Steve answered. Something was wrong, “Is everything okay, Danny? It’s not that I don’t appreciate you coming with Grace, but you’re acting weirder than usual”.

Danny finally stopped. He looked at Steve with his small blue eyes – they had a bit of gold in them, Steve noticed when they first met – and his bottom lip stuck out. “Don’t freak out”, he started with, which was a sure-fire way to make Steve freak out. Danny should know this.

“ _Danny”_ , Steve’s breath was picking up its pace.

“Look, apparently our kids are a lot closer that we know”, he said _our kids_ like it was the most natural thing in the word. Danny pushed a bunch of containers in Steve’s direction and turned to grab some plates, “And Grace was telling me today, _and I swear to god don’t tell her I snitched_ , that the kids got a, uh, group chat thing, okay? Grace, Lou’s kids and Nahele. She said it’s their way to keep up with what we’re doing. I just thought I should let you know. Call it a parental courtesy. Grace said Nahele’s been having a tough time”, Steve opened one of the containers lids to forcefully and some kind of sauce flew over the table’s surface, ending up somewhere on the floor.

“What? What did she say? Is he okay?”.

Danny bent down to clean up the stray sauce off the floor with a napkin. He trashed it and came back to the table, plating the dishes because Steve’s sole focus was now on getting him to talk.

“Chill, Steve, okay? Just talk to him. Try to get him to open up, because he’s not doing it with the kids. I just worry he’s taking a page from the ol’ McGarrett handbook before he’s even a McGarrett and just bottling things up”.

Steve felt like Madison Gray’s knife was still in his back, twisting inside of him. He spread his arms to his sides, each hand splayed in one corner of the tiny kitchen table. Steve took a deep breath, letting his head hang low from his shoulder.

It was true that Nahele didn’t talk much about himself. But he was very much like Danny. He would give you the truth if he felt ready for it. If he felt safe. Steve just wanted him to be safe.

Most times, Nahele had an easy smile and an infectious laugh that would squeeze his eyes shut and scrunch up his nose. But then, he’d say something like “I don’t know how to be a son anymore”, and Steve’s heart ended up in pieces somewhere on the sand. He’d say, “Can we stop by the soup kitchen on Ala Moana? Kamekona has some leftovers that aren’t gonna work tomorrow and Mr. Yun fed me sometimes when I slept at the back alley”, and Steve ended up not only taking Kamekona’s food, donating what was probably too much money, but also going around back to check the alley too. There wasn’t anyone sleeping there, just signs that someone did at some point, a cardboard box flattened against the pavement, a rusted tin can with the cap off, some various knick-knacks Steve had no way of understanding their meaning.

Steve did his damnest to not picture Nahele there, trembling at night against the wind. But he still remembered how Nahele looked when he first sat in front of Steve. Covered in grime and a lost look on his eyes.

“Steve?”, Danny’s voice brought him back to his own kitchen, the smell of Indian food grounding him.

He eyed the familiar spread with a warm feeling. He breathed in and breathed out. “I’ll talk to him”.

-

“Commander, I understand your situation and what your job entails, but you started the adoption process less than a month ago and have already missed several classes and you own attorney can barely get a hold of you, a judge will notice this and they will not take this lightly”, Steve gripped the phone tighter against his ear, Abigail Prescott’s voice coming small from the device. Steve was staring at Nahele weaving through Kamekona’s picnic tables from the windshield of his new truck, the sun glowing against the waves and sea behind them. A white truck. He kind of hated it. Didn’t help that Danny, Lou and Kono spent ten minutes laughing at him and making dick jokes. Chin just said he should’ve gotten another car that had any other color, _brah_.

After the Harry case and the football game, Steve thought he was making progress with his and Nahele’s routine, but between that and the Madison Gray fiasco, Steve had rescheduled more meets and classes with the social services people and Abigail, a bunch of dinners and lunches with Nahele, they barely had time to tinker on the Marquis.

He never felt more like a McGarrett.

And Danny’s warning about Nahele kept circling back in his head.

“Nahele needs safety and stability from you, that’s what the judge will look for before granting you the adoption”, she kept saying, “The classes you should be taking are there to give you the means to do that”, she paused and Steve held his breath, he watched Nahele smile at his team, all gathered around the picnic table, leaning close to Kono and Adam as Adam gestured wildly, reminding him of Danny. Kono didn’t seem to be able to look away from Adam or stop smiling. Being apart for over a year probably did that to a person. Steve watched Danny smile as he said something to Kono. “I need you to be committed to this process, Commander, to give some proof or guarantee that you can provide for Nahele aside from a roof over his head”.

Steve had to close his eyes and concentrate on his breathing.

“I understand, Ms. Prescott”, he breathed out.

“Abigail, please”, she corrected him for the hundredth time, “I assume you’re keeping your lawyer updated”.

Steve thought of all the missed calls from Odell’s friend, Carl Asano, an old Japanese family lawyer that had kind eyes and treated Steve like a kid. He reminded him of Joe sometimes.

“Absolutely”, he said.

Ms. Prescott sighed, he didn’t know if it was of relief or because she caught his lie.

“Go to your classes, you’re almost done with them. Get your certification. It’s halfway there”, she said before saying goodbye.

Steve didn’t move after hanging up, just stared at the people he called Ohana.

-

Kono was glowing.

The sun was beaming down at them, but it had nothing to do on Kono’s light that morning.

Getting your husband out of prison after a year would do that to a person, Danny supposed.

The morning sun wasn’t cool over Kamekona’s truck, but with the wind gently rustling through them, everyone laughing and Kono’s and Adam’s nauseating heart-eyes, Danny didn’t mind that he was feeling the tip of his nose burn. He was gonna have to start listening to Grace about carrying sunscreen on his pocket.

They were catching Adam up on everything Kono had forgotten to mention over her visits in Halawa, Flippa was riffing on his ukulele, making innuendos and being generally chummy.

“You seem happy”, Danny told Kono from across the table, everyone’s attention on Adam talking about what he was planning on doing now that he was a free man.

She smiled brightly at him, if not a bit coyly. “Thanks, Danny”, she looked sideways to Adam, gesturing wildly while he explained something and made Danny think of New Jersey, she looked back at Danny and nodded towards the food truck before getting up.

Danny followed her to the edge of the picnic tables, and Kono stared at the waves coming and going infinitely before looking at him again, hair going in all directions because of the wind.

“I can barely believe it’s real, y’know?”, she said, arms crossed over her stomach like she was hugging herself, a giddy smile on her face.

“It looks like you’re gonna burst into sunshine and rainbows at any moment”, he acquiesced with a smile of his own, even if it wasn’t as giddy, but Kono had a contagious smile.

She rolled her eyes at him.

“I just hope everything works out from here on out. I know Adam’s been through a lot, but he always has this quiet… thing about him, y’know? He doesn’t let a lot get to him”.

Danny nodded, passing his hand through his hair in an attempt to protect it from the wind, “Ah, the silent type. Good luck, you married Steve”.

Kono let out a laugh that made her face turn up to the sky as she giggled, “Steve is _not_ the silent type, you guys argue all the time!”.

“You kidding me? The guy jumps from a building a month after major surgery, opens up his incision scar and he barely says an ‘oh fuck’? Pffft, you married Steve”.

“To be fair, I think Adam _would_ have said at least a ‘oh fuck’, maybe a Japanese curse word, he says those a lot when he hits his toes against the furniture. And also, Adam has never shown any interest in carrying around grenades like it’s candy, or throwing people in shark cages”, she paused then, like she was seriously contemplating that, “But to be really fair, he _was_ Yakuza for a bit... _God,_ I married Steve”, her eyes widened comically, and Danny felt himself laugh so hard he thought he might choke on spit. And Kono was complaining that “ _Danny is not funny!”_ , but that only made him laugh more, and suddenly she was cackling beside him, and everyone was staring at them. Chin was on the phone near them and had to actually move away to hear the call.

They wiped at their eyes as they calmed down and Steve showed up, talking to Adam before he made his way towards them, squinting against the sun.

“We need to head back to HQ in a bit”, he announced standing beside them, “Kono, take the day, yeah? We’ll call you if we need you”.

Kono’s eyebrows went up and she tilted her head back a bit, “You sure?”

Steve nodded and Kono smiled brightly again.

“How’s the kid?”, she asked then, tilting her head towards the kid making his way between the tables, bright red shirt and cargo shorts. Danny almost snorted. Truly Steve’s kid.

“He’s okay. Got worried when I told him about Madison Gray. But I didn’t think I should keep it from him”, he shrugged and Kono nodded along.

“We have _wildly_ different parenting styles, buddy”, Danny commented, hands making a wide gesture in front of him.

Steve made a face at him and looked back at Chin still on the phone, “What about him and Sara? Everything okay there?”

It was Kono’s turn to make a face at them, “Apparently she’s got family in the mainland. They’re trying to figure out what’s best for her. Chin wants to petition for custody”.

Steve hummed, looking at Chin pacing around the sand, shoes in one hand, phone in the other on his ear. Danny’s feet would’ve been boiling by now, but Chin didn’t seem to notice the hot sand beneath his.

“Hey, I wanted to run something by you”, Steve said, and only when Kono didn’t respond Danny looked away from Chin to find Steve staring at him. Danny made a _go on_ motion, “Well, Nahele is coming over for dinner, after the last few cases I didn’t have much time to keep up with him, and y’know, I got behind on my CPS classes and Mr. Asano sent me a bunch of papers to look through…”

“Steve, Steve”, Danny interrupted him, hands going up to placate him. Steve closed his mouth with a snap. “You’re rambling. Are you asking me to come over for dinner to go through all this stuff with you?”

Danny could see from the corner of his eye that Kono was looking between the two of them with eyes wide, like she was putting a puzzle together in her head, Danny did not like that look.

“Yeah, yeah. Basically”, Steve breathed.

Danny nodded, “Then sure, babe, I’m there”.

Steve smiled, slow and easy. Danny wanted to pretend Kono wasn’t right there besides them.

-

“You don’t have to this, Commander”, Nahele was saying from where he was sitting on a stool behind the kitchen table. Steve was chopping all kinds of vegetables, seaweed, and seasoning a bunch of fish pieces, his back turned to the kid as he cooked. “I could just make pasta or something, you don’t have to go through all this trouble. Really”.

Steve just smiled to himself.

“I haven’t been around a lot this past few weeks. The child services lady said you needed safety, and stability. Me being in the office 16 hours a day because of serial killer and a bunch of parallel cases, then getting kidnapped by said serial killer, that’s not safety and stability, that’s me missing a bunch of time to catch up with you, and I know I missed another game of yours. So, let me do this, I swear you’ll love it, it’s healthy, it has a lot food groups you need, or at least a whole lot more than _pasta_ ”. But also, _you lost your father, then one of your closest friends just a few weeks later, I see how you’re trying to not be sad, but I also see that you are_ , is what Steve didn’t say. If anyone, _and he meant anyone_ , got that, it was him.

Steve looked behind his back, Nahele was smiling, his nose a bit scrunched up. Then he sent Steve a curious look that for the life of him, Steve couldn’t decipher. That kid was spending to much time with Grace and they were way too smart for their ages.

“Is Danny coming too?”, Nahele asked.

Steve didn’t see the connection between the question and his statement, so he just frowned a bit and nodded. Steve thought that maybe, and that was a _big_ maybe, he and Danny had been flirting back and forth ever since their post-surgery work leave, just little snippets of conversations here and there that Steve could be reading too much into. But there was no way Nahele knew that.

“I think so, he said he would stop by today if he could, to help me out with all the paperwork from CPS”.

“Uh huh”, Nahele hummed, still throwing him that look, like he knew something Steve didn’t. “Okay”.

Steve’s frown deepened. He let go of the knife he was holding and turned completely to face the kitchen table, “Why you ask?”.

Nahele just shrugged.

Steve didn’t buy it, but he let it go then, resuming his cooking. Danny arrived by the time they were setting the table in the dining room, wine in one hand, grape juice in the other. “Lou said that Renée said it’s supposedly really good wine. Me? Not really a wine guy, _but_ I guessed that if I was here and I hated it, I’ll just let you have it”, he said in lieu of a greeting, “Not that we can drink anyway for a couple more months, but I only remembered that after I already payed. So I went back and I got this grape juice, it was recommended to me by the lady at the store, cheers”.

Nahele just smiled, shaking his head and accepting the juice from Danny, “Cheers”, he said back quietly.

“You could’ve just gotten us beers”, Steve said to Danny, eyeing the wine bottle.

Danny shrugged, waved his hands. “It’s fine. Not like we’re even going to drink now anyway”.

“If you say so”, Steve said, smiling at Danny. Danny smiled back. Nahele huffed.

“Grace couldn’t come?”, Nahele asked almost too loud.

Danny’s eyes took a while to leave Steve’s face before he turned to Nahele.

“Hm, ah, no. No. She’s at a sleepover, you’re stuck with the grown-up’s today, sorry”. Nahele rolled his eyes, and Danny just smiled again “Hey, you look just like her with that face! With him too”, he pointed at Steve, “At least I always knew he was as mature as a teen, now I have proof”.

Steve rolled his eyes too, mostly just to humour Danny a bit.

“You love me”, he said, “C’mon, let’s eat before it gets cold”.

They poured the juice, Steve brought out the wine glasses just for the hell of it, and Danny smiled again. They ate and Steve was spilling some nonsense about the fish and the ingredients he cooked with, trying to rile Danny up enough to send him on a nonsensical rant about fish. Nahele was trying really hard not to laugh.

They were halfway through dinner, Danny was frowning at his plate, Steve guessed he was debating if Steve knew what he was talking about or if could rant at him to call him out on his bullshit, when Steve’s phone rang.

“If it’s work, I’m not home”, Danny said before the second ring even started.

Steve huffed before putting his elbow to the table and phone in his ear, “Hello?”. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Danny gesturing for the grape juice and Nahele just pushing the bottle away with a teasing smile. And then:

“Steve?”.

A pit lodged itself in his stomach. He leaned forward a bit, like there was a sudden weight on his shoulders.

“Catherine?”.

He could see the way Danny stilled at the name, how Nahele almost dropped the bottle on the ground.

“Yeah, it’s me”, she said. There was something wrong. Her voice was off. Steve didn’t want to be able to recognize it so easy, so fast, but he did. “Can you talk?”.

For a second, he forgot where he was, then he glanced at Nahele, staring at him expectantly, then to Danny, who was gulping his juice like he suddenly loved it more than air itself.

Steve had to clear his throat before answering, “Kind of. You alright?”.

“I-I’m fine, I’m fine”, she said it too quickly. A lie. “Steve, listen, there’s something going on that you need to know about. I can’t really get into it on an open line”.

Steve got up, still looking at Danny, who seemed to refuse to look back at him.

“Catherine, what’re you talking about?”

“I’ll explain everything in a minute”, she said before hanging up.

Then there was the noise of an engine outside, and Steve didn’t know what the hell was happening, what the hell was going to happen, and Danny _wouldn’t look at him_.

“You okay, Commander?”, Nahele asked, worried.

_Safety and stability_. That’s what that kid needed. God, Steve was so far from that. There was a reason he never thought of fostering or adopting him before. Maybe it really was all a big mistake.

“Hm, something’s going on. I’m-I’m not sure what it is – “, a knock at the door interrupted him.

“Catherine stopping by?”, Danny asked, finally looking at him. Steve kinda wanted him to look away then.

“No, yes, she – she just decided to drop in”.

“Sure, that makes sense. Not like we haven’t heard from her since you decided to propose to her, then she lied about being back, then she lied about being a CIA asset, then she left. Oh, wait, that’s exactly what happened” He sighed, getting up “C’mon, kid. Let’s go to the kitchen, give them some privacy”.

Nahele seemed to want to object, hell, Steve wanted to object, but his mouth seemed to forget how to make noises turn into words. Nahele looked between Steve and Danny’s retreating back, then he got up too, leaving Steve alone in his living room.

He took a breath, went to the door, grabbed the handle, then took another breath, and opened the door.

Catherine.

_Dammit_.

He moved them to the lanai, either because he didn’t want Nahele to hear whatever she had to say, or because he didn’t want Danny to hear it. He wasn’t sure. He had different reasons for each case. If this was a mission, he was sure he didn’t want Nahele getting worried. If this wasn’t a mission… well, he didn’t have a reason for not wanting Danny to hear other than he didn’t want Danny to hear it.

“Sorry to barge in like this”, she said, eyeing the set table as they moved through the living room to the back doors. “But this couldn’t wait. It’s about your mother”.

Steve had to stop then.

“My mother?”.

She nodded, “She’s in trouble”, Catherine started, but didn’t continue until they were outside. “Look, I know I have a lot to explain”, Steve should be paying attention, but there was buzzing in his ears, his back prickled with the knowledge of Danny just a few feet away, taking care of Nahele, _Steve’s kid_. Or almost his kid. The buzzing came to a crashing halt when Catherine said the most bizarre combination of words: “Doris tried to break out Wo Fat’s father out of a CIA black site”.

Steve closed his eyes, the pit in his stomach growing heavier and heavier.

_Safety and stability_.

Suddenly he was thirteen again, coming home from school, calling for his mother only to find her crying in the study. “ _Mommy is fine_ ”, she had said.

Steve was fifteen, being dropped off at school. His mother said goodbye, he started making his way into the building. “Steve, wait”, his mother called out. And there was something wrong. Her voice was off. So he waited. She hugged him tightly, spoke in his ear that she was proud of him, that she loved him.

And his back prickled as he turned to the school again. Like maybe he should go back, ask her what was wrong. But he didn’t.

“The op went sideways”, Catherine was still saying, like Steve wasn’t three hundred miles away from her, like he wasn’t with _his kid_ , _in his_ kitchen, just a few feet away. He turned away from her, facing the ocean, just as dark as the sky above. Arms crossed, a frown in his brow. _Unsafe. Unstable._ “Word is they are holding her until they decided what to do with her. I’m trying to get more information. No one’s talking and I don’t even know what country the site is in”.

“Morocco”, he said before she even finished talking.

And then he had to explain about meeting Wo Fat’s father, going to the site, everything that was the opposite of what he wanted to be doing. If he concentrated, he could hear Danny talking faintly, the silverware clanking against the plates.

And then it clicked. The out of the blue invitation to see the old men, the trip, the talk, how weird it all had seemed. How _off_. How _Doris_.

“She used me.”, came the inevitable conclusion.

“We gotta do something”, Catherine said, like that fact meant nothing, “We gotta figure out a way to get her out of there”.

“Do we?”, he asked calmly, still staring straight ahead into the ocean.

“Steve…”, she said, her tone in a line between unbelieving and appeasing, “I know she has hurt you, okay? But whatever she’s done, Steve, she’s still your mother. Are you really gonna let her spend the rest of her life in a _box_? Because that’s what she’s looking at here”, her tone grew more forceful as she spoke, the frown in Steve’s face deepened. He still stared at the ocean. He took a step forward, then another, like if he walked far enough, that situation wouldn’t be happening, maybe he was still at the dinner table, trying to rile Danny up.

Catherine sighed, like somehow, she thought he would have jumped at the mission, “Steve, I know you”, a lie, “you don’t help her now… you’ll regret it”.

He stared at the sky, the stars staring back at him, like they were daring him to take the next step. He breathed deeply.

“This isn’t about me”, he said.

“I’m sorry?”.

He finally turned to her.

“This isn’t about me, Catherine.” _Safety and Stability_. “The things my mother has done, the way she betrayed Yao, the operation that killed his wife. She can’t… get past the guilt. The guilt of all that just haunts her. And no matter how much time goes by, no matter how much her life changes… She can’t shake the burden”. He paused, trying to get his point across, trying to make sense of the mess in his head, “Freeing Yao Fat? It’s not going to lessen that burden. It’s a band-aid solution to a bullet wound in someone else’s head. She has to face the consequences of her actions, for once in her life, she has to atone for the mistakes she’s made. If she doesn’t? She’ll only go from one problem to the next, bending the rules, no regards for all the people she’s stepping on just so _she can feel better about herself_ ”.

His words seemed to create a wall between them. Catherine’s mouth was hanging slightly open, her beautiful hazel eyes wide. The pit in Steve’s stomach seemed lighter. Somewhere between the living room and where they were, the conversation walked the line between being about Doris and then being about Catherine, and he couldn’t distinguish when and where, and that in itself was all Steve needed to understand he was making the right choice.

“I…”, she started, but she couldn’t seem to finish whatever sentence it was. “I heard what Danny said”, she blurted.

“What?”. _What?_

“About… what you were gonna do before I left”.

The pit came back in full force, dropping his stomach until Steve felt it at his feet. Curse Danny’s loudmouth, the guy had no inside voice.

“I’m sorry”, she said, looking at him, her eyes serious.

Thoughts about his mother completely left his mind then.

Steve felt more than heard the laugh he huffed out of his nose. He debated whether he wanted to have his doubts soothed. Screw it.

“Just, hm, out of curiosity – if I’d asked, what’d you have said?”.

The low light of the lanai caught in her eyes as they welled up, she blinked a couple of times before answering. Steve still didn’t know if he wanted her to answer or not.

“I would have said yes”.

They stared at each other. He wondered what his life would’ve looked like now, if they were married. If the kid in his kitchen would still be there. Safety and stability. That wasn’t Catherine. That wasn’t Steve either, but he was dipping his feet at those waters bit by bit.

“Are you happy? Doing what you do?”. _You could’ve told me. You could’ve told me the truth and I would have waited, knowing that you were somewhere in the world, but you were mine. We could’ve made it work_. He thought it, but didn’t say it, because he didn’t know if he wanted what could’ve been anymore.

“Yeah”, she answered softly, “I am”.

He nodded, once, twice.

“This is it, then? Are you sure?”, she waivered, like she was asking something else.

“I’m sure”.

She took a deep breath, like his words still had that effect on her. Maybe they still did. She nodded, once, twice.

“Okay then, I guess… I have to go then.”, she turned to the path beside the house, then turned back to him, “Just because I’m not in your life, doesn’t mean I don’t still care about you. I hope that – I hope that whatever is keeping you here, that it’s worth it. You deserve to be happy.”

He nodded but didn’t say anything. They looked at each once again, like they were trying to fit into the skin of who they once were but couldn’t. Catherine smiled, something sad and unbelieving in her eyes, then she turned away.

Steve was still standing there when he heard the engine of her car, heard it rumble and drive away.

-

Danny couldn’t believe Catherine was there. If Catherine was there it could only mean one of two things: She was staying. Or Steve was leaving. Danny couldn’t decide which option opened the biggest hole in his chest.

“Did the Commander forgive her?”, Nahele asked, snapping Danny out of his thoughts.

Danny turned from his sad glass of grape juice to look at the kid, Nahele was also looking forlorn around the edges, pushing his food around his plate. “What do you mean?”, Danny asked.

Nahele shrugged before answering, “Steve said she lied to him. When he had me pick up the ring and she left, she lied to him. Did he forgive her for that?”.

“I don’t think he ever resented her. Not really”, he said, Nahele’s eyes watching his every word, “He should’ve, but I’m not sure if he did. See…”, he took a deep breath, rubbing a hand over his mouth, “That guy out there would probably look past any mistake if the person making them was someone he cares about. If he loves you, he’ll forgive anything, it doesn’t really matter that you’ve hurt him”.

“He didn’t even know me”, Nahele said quietly, directing his eyes back to his half empty plate.

“What?”

“When I stole his car. He didn’t even know me, and he still forgave me. I never understood that”.

At that Danny felt himself smile, even if was just a little. “Well, that’s what he does, babe. He may not have known you, but you’re just a kid, okay? You’re allowed the mistakes you’ve made, specially living as hard as you did for a while there”.

Nahele nodded, eyes down and a blush creeping up his neck and cheeks, “It’s been better now”.

Danny thought about his dad and Makaio. “It’s okay if it’s not”.

Nahele sat so still for a second Danny considered checking if he was still breathing. “What do you mean?”.

Danny paused. Steve would probably kill him for having this conversation without him. He really needed to bring his parenting A game for this one. “Look, the last few months –“.

And then Steve came through the kitchen doors, completely blowing Danny’s impromptu speech. “Hey, where’s Catherine?”, he asked immediately.

“She, uh, she left”.

As if they had rehearsed it, Nahele and Danny shared a look. “What did she want?”, was Nahele’s question.

Oh.

Steve glanced back at Danny before looking to Nahele again. He was gauging how much he should say to the kid. But Danny could already tell Steve would be a softie when it came to his kid, so he expected the truth, he just didn’t expect the truth to be: “My mother is in the CIA’s custody. Catherine wanted me to help break her out”.

Danny’s jaw did a ‘click’ as he let it hang open for a second. Looking at Nahele, he had his eyes a bit wide, either because he hadn’t expected the whole truth or because he was also surprised by what the whole truth was. “Oh, so you’ll need to leave again?”, Nahele asked, a bit slack jawed.

Curiously, Steve shook his head. He glanced at Danny again.

“I said no”, he said. _He seemed to say_ , but that couldn’t be right. _He said no? What the hell did_ that _meant?_

“You said _no?_ It’s your mother!”, Danny argued, he didn’t know how he was taking Doris’ side on this, but the whole situation was throwing him off.

Steve’s eyes were serious when they looked back at Danny. He moved closer into the kitchen and leaned against the counter between Nahele and Danny.

“In the hospital. You said I needed to hold her accountable. Did you mean that? And everything else you said?”, Steve’s voice was steady and hard, but his eyes gave him away.

“I meant every word, babe”, Danny said. Steve closed his eyes for a second.

“Then that’s what I’m doing. I don’t say this often, so you’ll have to commit this to memory, but you were right. Okay?”

Danny had to smile. Things were so messed up, but hearing Steve, something unclenched in Danny’s chest. It completely blew over what he had just said to Nahele, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Then: “Are you sure?”, came Nahele’s voice, faltering, making them both turn to him.

“What do you mean, keiki?”, Steve asked, already starting to come closer to the table.

Nahele wasn’t looking at either of them. He had his eyes on some point on the tabletop, his eyebrows knit together, a set to his jaw and another one to his shoulders. Something was definitely off.

“Nahele?”, Danny asked.

“Was it my fault?”, Nahele asked, voice so small it was hard hearing him. “I put my dad in prison. I did that. He’s dead because I put him there”.

Danny was pretty sure he heard Steve murmur a strangled “what?”, but then a sob escaped Nahele’s mouth and his shoulders started to shake, and Steve moved fast to envelope him in what seemed like a bone-crushing hug.

Danny’s heart was in his throat.

-

Steve felt like someone had punched him. Punched him right over his partial and fragile liver. He would never make fun of Danny’s or Lou’s overprotectiveness over their kids ever again. He felt the sobs shaking Nahele’s entire body and he wanted nothing more to make it all go away. He was shushing him softly, trying to calm him, but he had no idea if he was trying to soothe Nahele or himself.

At some point Danny got up from he was sitting across from Nahele on the tiny kitchen table, he filled a glass of water and place it in front of the kid but made no move to try to make him drink it. Danny snaked through Steve’s octopus impression to get to Nahele and took his hand, rubbing it softly between his own.

“It’s not your fault”, Steve finally found his voice, “Nahele, none of what happened was your fault. You did the right thing and I’m sorry it turned out the way it did, but it doesn’t mean it was your fault. You didn’t set the explosion, you didn’t plan for any of that to happen, whoever did, it’s their fault. Not yours. _Never_ yours”. Well, Gabriel Waincroft and Michelle Shioma, but Nahele didn’t need to know specifics.

Nahele just kept sobbing into Steve’s shirt. He saw Danny squeeze his hand. “Do you hear me?”, he asked and Nahele nodded frantically, his breath catching.

_Keep going_ , Danny’s eyes were telling him.

Steve moved his fingers through Nahele’s head, trying not to get them caught in his mushed curls.

“You need to let it go, okay? It’s not gonna be easy, I’m not saying that. But you have to let it go, you can’t carry that guilt around. You deserve better, _so much better_ , than what you’re letting yourself have”, he repeated Danny’s word because they bore repeating, “Than what life has put you through. I know you had a complicated relationship with your father, okay? But you’re allowed to miss him and grieve him, and you’re allowed to wish things were different.”, Steve paused, breathing through his own emotions. Nahele seemed to be shaking less, his sobs more like controlled breaths. “I’m always going to be here for you. No matter what”.

Minutes passed without any of them moving. Then Nahele’s phone was ringing and he immediately stiffened. Looking at the clock in the kitchen, Steve guessed it was the people from the group home, checking on Nahele to make sure the kid wouldn’t miss his nine-p.m. curfew.

Steve didn’t want him to go. Not in the emotional state he was in. Not when he saw the way Nahele swallowed against his tears, like he was swallowing down his feeling like Steve just told him _not_ to do, but like he _had to_. His hands seemed to shake as he reached for the phone in his pocket. “I-I need to get this”, Nahele mumbled, his voice thick from crying.

“If you want to stay here today, I’ll make it happen”, Steve said, loosening his hold on the kid.

Nahele stared up at him, “I don’t think Child Services would want that”, he said.

“ _I’ll make it happen_ ”, Steve repeated vehemently.

He just had a taste of what it felt like to be able to hold his kid when he was feeling vulnerable and emotional, like hell Steve was going to send him away to cry alone in someone else’s house.

Nahele stared at him, then Danny, then at his own phone. He wordlessly passed the device to Steve and Steve felt himself breathe.

He threw Danny a look that meant, _take care of him_ , and Danny looked back with, _who do you take me for, you dope?_

Steve had a heated argument with the lady in the group home that lasted at least twenty minutes, he called Ms. Prescott to explain the situation and had an argument with her that lasted at least another twenty minutes, heard the phrase “this is highly irregular”, and “that’s not how we do things, Commander” more times than he cared to count.

Steve was this close to calling the governor even though he’d probably just piss her off, when Ms. Prescott called him back saying Nahele was allowed to spend the night, but he had to be dropped off at the group home at seven a.m. the following day no matter what.

Steve was going to take the win.

He and Danny talked to Nahele some more, making sure he was alright, and distracting him into finishing his dinner.

“I’m sorry about crying like that”, Nahele said, hand under his chin, looking at the table top again.

Danny and Steve shared another look, this time Danny took over saying, “This is isn’t something you need to apologize for, okay?”.

Nahele looked back at Danny, seeming to be working out something in his mind before nodding.

Steve eventually send him up to his room to settle for the night, seeing how tired the whole night had left him. Steve had long ago bought Nahele a bunch of changes of clothes so he could clean up at the house after tinkering with the Marquis for hours and Mary’s old room had turned into Nahele’s impromptu room.

Danny started cleaning up the kitchen without Steve asking him to and Steve started on the dishes, both of them uncharacteristically quiet.

“You did great today, babe”, Danny finally said as he wiped the table clean just to sit on it, staring at Steve as he finished drying the dishes and putting them away.

“I don’t know, Danny. He was caring those feelings around, bottling them up, for _months_. And I kept trying to get him to talk to me, but when he didn’t, I just expected him to come to me if something was wrong”.

Danny smiled with only half of his mouth, “You can’t make him talk to you. And for the record, he did come to you eventually. Sometimes you gotta wait it out”, Danny smiled wider and softer before continuing, “And hear your own advice and don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re trying, that’s the most important thing in the end”.

Steve smiled and motioned for Danny to follow him out. They sat at the lanai’s chairs, hearing the wind roaring from the ocean. Steve felt the warm night and the wind trying to be cold against his skin, and how different it felt, to sit there with Danny, than to stand there with Catherine.

“I guess the plan to go through that paperwork is shot, huh?”, Steve asked conversationally, he wasn’t too peeved about it.

Danny smiled, but didn’t say anything. He was mulling something over in his mind, Steve could see it, Steve also felt it wasn’t anything good.

Then: “So, Catherine, huh?”.

And Steve resisted the impulse to roll his eyes. “She heard you talking about my failed attempt to propose to her”, he confessed just to see Danny’s eyes go wide as he looked back at Steve. “She told me she would’ve said yes”, Steve said more quietly then.

“Oh”. Danny cleared his throat, “Sorry, I guess”.

Steve shrugged. “It’s fine. I don’t think we would have worked in the end anyway. I was ready to settle. She clearly wasn’t. It wouldn’t have been fair to her”.

“Oh”, Danny said again.

“What? What’s the matter with you?”, Steve asked, face frowned in confusion.

“Why is something the matter with me?”, Danny promptly asked back.

“You seem speechless, you’re never speechless”.

Steve watched as Danny seemed to gulp and sputter for a few seconds, only spiking Steve’s curiosity and confusion.

“I don’t know. I guess you just surprised me, that’s all. I thought I would have been kicked out by now or seen you off with Catherine. That’s normally what happens anyway. I guess the kid changed things, huh?”

_Not just the kid_ , Steve didn’t say. “That he did”.

“What’re you gonna do about your mom? The CIA has her, if they want her gone, they’ll make it happen”.

Steve huffed out a long deep breath. “I’ll make some calls. Try to get her to go to jail, not just thrown in a black site cell.”.

Danny nodded.

“For the record, I’m really sorry, babe”, Danny said.

And that was probably the moment where they would clink their beers, but they were just sitting there empty handed.

“Command – Steve? Did you see the socks I left here last time?”, came Nahele’s voice from upstairs.

Danny smiled again. “Duty calls, huh?”.

Steve smiled back and got up.

He was choosing this. Choosing to hold his kid close, choosing the late-night talks and calls with Danny, choosing not to fall for his mother’s mistakes anymore.

Steve was getting used to the feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song Never seen you get so low, by Aquilo
> 
> This chapter is set around and in between 7x01 and 7x07. There's bits of dialogue from these episodes, more from 7x07 on the conversation between Catherine and Steve!  
> Also, look, if you think I'm not gonna milk the hell out of the fact that steve and danny held hands in the finale throughtout this fic, your wrong, this is basically a fic about all these people holding hands while other stuff happens.  
> Also, themes! I'm really big on narrative themes and most of the one's in this story were presented in the prologue and i sprinkled them around the story.  
> Lastly so i dont ramble too much here, i always thought this show had a lot of problems with accountibility and taking responsibility for your choices, so i guess i'm trying to explore some character choices that rectify that
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks so much for the comments and kudos!
> 
> ps: don't mind my subtle dig at the white truck from season 7, but i really hated it


	5. All the perfect things that I doubt

-

_Danny Williams had control issues too_

-

They had been running on fumes for the last couple of weeks. Between coordinating operations with Pearl-Hickam and Interpol and a bunch of other agencies to track drug and guns trafficking on the island, a bunch of parallel cases that kept coming up, a bunch of classes Steve had to attend in order to get certified to adopt a foster kid, and the million calls Steve had to make every day to be able to figure out his mother’s situation with the CIA – he still hadn’t tried to get a talk to her directly - , Steve was sure that even the smallest shift in his routine was gonna cause an avalanche of other problems.

Halloween had come and gone much like Chin predicted, with the addition that Max came back from his time with Doctor Without Borders, but it did end up being a weird case and Jerry taking all the Five-0 kids trick or treating. Danny said Grace had been moody about it ever since he asked Jerry to babysit her and Charlie, but when Will, Sam and Nahele said they were coming too, she ended up really excited. The fact that Nahele spent the day surrounded by friends was like a pin deflating Steve’s anxiety about the boy.

Thing had been starting to get better since Nahele opened up about his father’s death, but Steve worried. His anxiety was giving Danny’s anxiety a run for its money.

By the first week of November, Steve was sure something big was gonna happen at any moment, when he least expected and at the worst possible time. Like when the social worker came to inspect his house in a couple of months, or in the middle of one his classes, or when he was trying to get into the good graces of the social workers in charge of Nahele’s group home again.

He didn’t have to wait long for everything to start to implode around him.

-

Grace Williams had a boyfriend. Danny was sure of it. Danny laid awake at night repeating to himself over and over again: “she’s a good kid, she’s a good kid”, but he was sure of it.

And ever since learning about the kids’ group chat, he wasn’t above recruiting the parent brigade to enlist their sons to find out the truth. He knew that if Samantha knew anything, she wouldn’t snitch. Will and Nahele though, Danny knew they would cave in eventually.

He approached Lou first.

Danny had spent the whole weekend in the kitchen making the best deep-dish pizza Lou Grover was ever going to have. It took him hours to finally get the dough right and by Sunday night he had called a sitter for Grace and drove to Lou’s house with his hands cramping from kneading.

“Hey, Danny, what’re you – is that pizza?”, Lou said as he opened the door.

So, they went in the house. Renee was having “me time”, which happened every Sunday night according to Lou, and basically involved his wife locking herself in the bathroom for two hours with soothing music, a bottle of wine, her kindle and a lot of bath salts. Samantha and Will were both in their rooms having “crunch time”, which also happened every Sunday according to Lou, because they would lounge around on Saturday and not do their homework for the next week, so it involved loud music – in Samantha’s case – and really big headphones – in Will’s case – , late night snacks and a bunch of screams asking where this or that textbook was.

“I can’t believe she’s going to college next year, man”, Lou said as they settled in the kitchen island, “I’m this close to running a background check on everyone who works at all the schools she's applying to”.

“I honestly thought you had already done that”, Danny deadpanned, and opened the pizza box with a bit of flare.

Lou legitimately gasped, he looked at the pizza, then at Danny, then at the pie… then at Danny… he frowned.

“Ok, watchu want?”

“Why can’t I just do a nice thing for my fellow mainlander, huh?”.

Lou frowned harder.

“Fine, I need a favour. I think Grace’s dating”.

Lou went around a drawer to look for the cutter and started cutting the pizza with vigour, “And what, pray tell, does that have to do with me and this beautiful pizza?”.

Danny sighed, deciding it was best to just be out with it, “Can you get Will to find out?”.

Lou stopped cutting to point the thing in Danny’s direction.

“ _Will?_ My son Will?”

“No, Will Smith. _Of course, Will_ ”, Danny hissed.

Lou made a face at him, “Man, can’t you just ask her yourself?”.

Danny made a face at him, “No? If I thought she would tell me, maybe. But the kids all talk, I’m sure they know something”.

Lou grumbled and started eating the pizza, his frown melting as he chewed, and Danny knew he won.

“Don’t talk to me about that group chat thing again”, Lou mumbled around a mouthful, “The last thing I wanted was the kids to be this worried about the job”.

Danny slumped against the marble of the kitchen island. Man, this was a nice kitchen. “Yeah, I’m still wrapping my head around it. At first, I thought it was just another place for them to goof around with each other, y’know?”.

Lou hummed in agreement, taking another a big bite of the pie.

“How did Steve take it?”, Lou asked.

Danny shrugged, “He was worried. Nahele has been through a lot”. He paused, eyeing Lou’s unstoppable chewing “Are you gonna make me watch you eat this whole thing in one sitting?”.

“If you _wanted_ a piece you should’ve _made_ a piece for yourself”, Lou countered, grabbing the box a little closer to himself.

“I will go upstairs and tell your teenage with bottomless stomachs kids you have a genuine deep-dish pizza in here”.

“Fine, Danny, damn”, Lou grumbled and pushed the box forward.

They ate in between words of small talk, or the equivalent of small talk between two guys who knew each other for three years and had bled together and protected each other’s back on and off the field.

They talked about Clay Maxwell. About Lou’s time in Chicago. About Rachel and the divorce. About Rachel and Charlie. About Rachel and Grace. Then they talked about Chin and Steve and the feeling of being new fathers. But Danny didn’t want to talk about Steve. If he started, he didn’t think he’d stop.

And he didn’t talk about that horrible feeling gnawing at him every night. Like something empty right under his incision scar, a void forever expanding between his ribs. He’d lay in bed trying to listen to Grace and if she was awake, and he’d think about the sun going up in a few hours, and having to put breakfast together and watching her leave for school and standing there in his empty kitchen, waiting for his coffee to brew, travel mug in his hand and a deafening quiet between the walls of his house. He’d think about the drive to HQ, the same traffic everyday. And then working and running around chasing leads. Getting Grace from school and preparing dinner alone as she started on her schoolwork or watched Netflix. Talking to Charlie before his bedtime. He’d think about doing it all over again and again and again. Alone, alone, alone.

-

Steve had been sleeping. He didn’t really remember if he was dreaming or not, but suddenly his eyes flew open as his phone started to ring in the bedside table. 3h46a.m. his clock said. Steve squinted and rubbed at his eyes before stretching across the bed and reaching for his phone.

“McGarrett”, he grumbled into the receiver, eyes already drifting close again.

“Hey, Steve”, came Danny’s voice, something soft about it that made the hairs on the back of Steve’s neck stand up.

His eyes flew open again.

“Is everything okay?”, he asked already sitting up.

There was breathing on the other line, but no real answer. “Danny?”.

Then a deep breath and: “Yeah, sorry. Everything is… I couldn’t sleep. You told me to call you, if I wanted, back in London. So I thought – You know what? Forget it –“.

“ _Danny_ , calm down. Just talk to me”.

And of course, when Steve _asked_ Danny Williams to talk, the man was a wall of silence.

“Danny, c’mon.”, he tried a soothing tone in his voice, “Tell me what’s wrong. Why can’t you sleep? Do you need me to come over? You should take advantage while Nahele doesn’t live here and I can just take off in the middle of the night”.

At that, Steve heard a huff like a laugh, and he smiled too.

He settled against the headboard, phone in one hand as the other pulled the covers to his waist. It wasn’t cold, but he liked to sleep with the windows open and the sea breeze usually brought a chill with it.

“Did you just call to hear my voice? Because I don’t think I’m used to having one-sided conversations like you do”, he teased, but there was a sudden intake of breath. “Danny?”

“I’m sorry”, Danny finally spoke again, “’m just not thinking right”.

“Why can’t you sleep, Danny?”, Steve repeated, fiddling with the creases in the covers.

“I don’t know. I close my eyes, and nothing happens”, a soft laugh, “Well, that’s not true. A lot of things happens. My brain just doesn’t shup anymore”.

“It’s just trying to keep up with your mouth, man”, he joked, trying to take the exhaustion from Danny’s voice, “You spend all day talking, at night it’s your brain’s turn”.

There was a low grumble and Steve knew he succeeded at least a bit, “I hate you”, came the expected reaction.

“You love me”, he said, like he always did.

Another sudden intake of breath, “Yeah”, said like a sigh. Then, “I think Grace is dating. I went to Lou’s earlier to get him to convince Will to snitch”.

Steve smiled. “You have no boundaries, buddy”.

Steve imagined Danny’s shrug at that. “Could the no boundaries thing extend to Nahele?”, Danny asked with forced innocence.

“My kid’s not gonna be a snitch, sorry”, Steve closed his eyes and rested his head against the headboard, “Did you not sleep on purpose just so you could ask me that?”.

There was a sound on the other line like a snort, “I’ll admit that does sound like me, but no, not this time”.

“Sure, if you say so”, Steve said.

For a few seconds neither of them said anything else, and Steve supposed it should be uncomfortable to be in silence on the phone in the middle of the night, hearing the other person’s breathing, but much like anything else with Danny, Steve wasn’t bothered. And unlike much else about Danny, Steve almost found it peaceful.

After a while, Danny spoke again, probably not ready to try and go to sleep yet.

“My sister is coming next week”.

Steve hummed, “Which one?”

“The one you don’t know yet”

“Bridget?”

“That’s the one you don’t know yet”, Steve considered turning on the bedside lamp, instead of staring into the dark room, “I can’t believe you met Stella on a skype call with Eric”.

Steve smiled, “Not my fault Eric has no boundaries too. I didn’t tell him to call her when he came by the hospital. Waiting for _you_ to wake up I might add”.

“He’s an animal. Pointing a camera at me when I’m sleeping in a hospital bed”, Danny complained, but with no real heat.

“And with Bridget I guess I’ll finally have met all your immediate family, right? Only took me what? Seven years of knowing you?”.

“Not my fault we live on this rock in the middle of the pacific. If we were in Jersey, you’d probably have met them five hours after pointing a gun at my face like a crazy person”.

“Yeah? Five hours?”

“Give or take”, Danny said, and Steve could imagine the hand gesture that went with it.

“I think you’re probably one of the very few people to have met everyone in my family”, Steve said lowly, “You, Chin and Duke, I guess. And Mamo obviously”.

For a few seconds Steve only heard Danny’s breathing in the other line again, “I didn’t really know your dad, though. We only met in passing at the precinct. We had the tendency to have coffee breaks at the same time. He liked his coffee with loads of sugar and no milk. If I told him about your butter thing, he would have probably spat his coffee on my face”.

Steve laughed without meaning to.

“Did you guys ever talk?”, he then asked without meaning to.

“A bit, but he retired after my first month with HPD. He never gave me crap like the others, probably because the whole 5-0 thing he made up for you and Mary. He asked me why I moved here. I said I was here for Grace. You know what he told me?”.

Steve’s heart was in his throat and he could barely understand why.

“What did he say?”, he whispered.

Danny spoke like he was smiling, “He told me I was a good father. I asked about you”, he said, and paused. Steve felt a shiver run through him even though there was no wind coming from the open window, “I knew he had children, cops are gossips, so I asked about you. He said his son was running around the world being a Navy SEAL, bull-headed and bulletproof. Now that I think of it, he was probably quoting Joe on that one”.

Steve could barely breathe. Danny’s voice in his ear and the dark room made his brain think the man was right beside him in bed, and Steve’s skin was prickling with the ghost feeling.

“Why did you never tell me any of this?”.

Danny hummed and Steve waited him out. His clock was showing 4h30a.m., it was probably going to be sunup soon. He felt like swimming.

“I don’t know”, Danny finally answered, “Thought it would just stir up old hurts”.

Then, Danny yawned, and something unfurled on Steve’s chest.

“You should sleep.”, Steve told him, “Come in a little later tomorrow. It’s fine, your boss won’t mind”, he said around a smile.

“Yeah, I’ll try. Thanks, babe”.

Steve could picture Danny settling in beneath the covers and did the same. “Any time, Danno”.

-

“C’mon, Danny, isn’t she cute?”

Danny sighed, head dropping or shoulders rising, he wasn’t sure.

“Sure”.

Kono rolled her eyes at him, taking her phone away from his face.

“Should I look for a guy? Are you on a guy mood? I have really cool guy friends”.

Danny stared up at her, head still hung low between his high shoulders. They were sitting at the break room at HQ, lunch had been a bunch of takeout from the closest Chinese place Kono could find and was now only empty boxes and dirty sticks. Kono had been showing all her friends on instagram that Danny could date for the past half hour, with unwavering determinacy, no matter how many sighed and unenthusiastic _sure’s_ Danny threw her way.

He decided to change tactics then.

“Would you date any of these _‘guy friends’_?”, he asked, gesturing the air quotes.

She paused them, front teeth sticking out on her mouth as she stared with narrow eyes at phone. “Yeah, no, you right. I can do better”.

“ _Kono_ ”, he whined, “I really appreciate this, _somewhat_ , but I really don’t need you to fix me up, I swear”.

“C’mon, man, what you’ve got to lose? It’d at least be fun!”.

“What I gotta lose? Well, my dignity for starters. And my money, ‘cause I would have to get a sitter for Grace”.

She rolled her eyes at him. “She's a fourteen, she doesn't need a sitter. And have you considered on-line dating?”.

“Have I considered dying? No, not really”.

Kono crossed her arms over her chest as she leaned back against her chair, “You know, don’t make me agree with Steve”.

“Huh?”

“You’re being a real curmudgeon”.

Danny leaned back against his chair too. Things were ugly if Kono was calling him a curmudgeon. He carded his palms through his hair before leaning back over the table, staring at Kono’s serious eyes. He kept forgetting how sharp they were.

“Here’s the thing, okay? Or at least part of the thing”, he paused, then took too long to go on and Kono raised her eyebrows at him, “I’m really glad you found Adam and you guys are making it work, and you’re married and surfing together into the sunset, but I – I’m just not sure if I’m cut out for this, okay?”

“Danny, c’mon”, Kono joked, unbelieving.

Danny put his arms over the lunch table, palms up, as he said, “I’m serious. I had my chance at that, actually I had several chances at that, and, well, I’m still the same single schmuck”, he gestured lazily to himself, Kono’s face had gotten a crease between her eyebrows and the corners of her mouth were faltering down, “And I’m not saying this to feel sorry about myself, okay? I guess it’s just how it worked out, with the job, and the kids, and all the shit I have up here”, he motioned to his head, “It can be a lot _for me_ , y’know? For someone else to deal with it’s just too much”

He shrugged then, an attempt to lighten the mood, but Kono was still sulking. And Danny loved her for it, but he really needed her not to worry about this.

He held out his hand over the table, eyebrows raised as he stared at her with mock-seriousness. Kono huffed but smiled as she put her hand in his.

“I promise that if I ever have any romance again in my life, you’d be the first to know, okay? I’ll even let you braid my hair while I tell you”, she took out her hand from his to slap at it, but at least she was laughing as she did it.

Then she pointed menacingly at him saying, “I’ll hold you to that”, then her eyes turned softer, “I’m just trying to help, y’know? I guess I’m just really happy Adam’s back and I want you to be happy too”.

Danny smiled, “I know, babe. And I appreciate it, I really do. And I’m really happy you’re happy, if that’s any consolation”, he said, making her smile in the way her dimples appeared.

-

_Family was a complicated thing_

-

Danny remembered when Bridget and Matty would go at each other when they were teens. Stella had always been the peacekeeper and usually corralled Danny into helping her keep them apart.

Then Danny was off to college, Stella got pregnant and the guy ran out on her, her and Matty were seniors in high school, and Matty was always acting like a douche, Bridget was a freshman and wanting to go to college so bad, and suddenly they were all making time to get together every week. Lunches near everyone’s campuses and schools, dinner at their parents’ house and then going to the movies because none of them could go to bars yet – Danny and Matty had fake IDs, but Stella couldn’t drink and they didn’t want Bridget to get one too.

Then Danny was in the academy, Stella was training to be a firefighter like everyone else in their family, Matty was in a fraternity and an intern in some big accounting company and Bridget wanted to be just like him, so she declared her major in economics. If they could see each other every month it was a miracle.

Then Danny got married, Stella was getting medals from the fire department and could barely keep up with Eric running around Newark, Matty was a big shot broker in Wall Street, Bridget was married and got pregnant for the first time and her career got on hold. They saw each other separately every other month but were only really together on holidays visiting their parents, and even then, Matty was usually on work trips or Bridget would go with Ted to his parents’ house.

Then Danny was in Hawaii, Stella sent him her son so Danny could put some sense into his thick head, Matty was dead, and Bridget was on kid number 3. They’d never be all together again. But they tried calling from time to time, giving updates on their parents, and their own lives.

Neither of Danny’s sisters had ever visited him in Hawaii, so he was actually excited about Bridget being there, even if it was just for a work conference.

He could tell he was jittery because Steve kept throwing him looks from the driver’s seat as they drove to meet Bridget at the Hilton.

“If you’re bothered, distract me with something. Throw a grenade out the window”, Danny ribbed.

Steve’s eyebrows went up. “Did you just tell me to throw a grenade onto oncoming traffic?”.

Danny rolled his eyes, “Figuratively. I said distract me”.

Steve narrowed his eyes before glancing back at him for a second. “I think I’ll finally be able to pull enough favours to get Doris in a federal prison in Virginia. I’m having a bunch of calls today to set it up”, he said.

Danny hummed, “Mary’s in New York, right?”.

Steve nodded, “Yeah, I doubt she’ll visit though”.

Steve ran a yellow light and Danny instinctively winced, “Will you?”, he asked.

“Will I what?”.

“Visit your mother, you animal”.

Steve let out a noisy breath through his nose, “I’m thinking about it. I guess I owe her”.

Danny thought Steve didn’t owe her anything, but before he could think about telling him that, they arrived at the Hilton.

It was barely 9 a.m. and the lobby was crowded with people, the smell of sunscreen mixing with the smell of the sea and air conditioning. They asked at the reception about Bridget’s company and were directed to the private beach they had besides their pools and restaurant.

They found her on a paddle board in the shallow water with some guy’s hands around her waist.

“She’s, uh, she’s pretty cute”, Steve said, _and excuse him, what?_

“I’ll give you the other half of my liver if it means never, _ever_ , hearing you say that again”, Danny said pointing a finger at Steve. If the guy wasn’t so tall, Danny would have probably felt more intimidating.

But Steve was looking at him funny, and before Danny could try to decipher what that look meant, he saw his sister approaching and screamed out to get her attention. She saw him and smiled and came running to him in the sand, they hugged, and Danny felt warmth in his chest. _Home_.

It always felt like that when one of them came to visit. _Don’t tell Eric._

But then she said something that made him want to disown her, “Man, I love Hawaii, you know it’s snowing back in Jersey”.

Danny wanted to say he was revoking her Jersey Pride card, but he really wanted to introduce his sister to Steve. _Don’t ask him why_. He was jittery. Someone could even call it giddy.

“Bridget, this is Steve, my partner, and this is my baby sister, Bridget”, he fumbled a bit with the words.

And then they were exchanging pleasantries and Bridget eyed Steve up and down and said, “I’ve heard a lot about you” and Danny mentally backtracked everything he ever said about Steve.

Steve leaned forward a bit, an uncertain smile starting to appear on his face, “All good I hope”.

Yeah, definitely not. Specially in the beginning, Danny used to call home a lot to rant about Steve.

“Yeah, sure”, Bridget said, also uncertain, and Danny was starting to dread this whole thing, “My mother said you’re a catch”, _and excuse him, what?_

Steve smile widened as he said, “I love your mother”. _What?_

Then they were throwing jabs at Danny and joking around together, and Danny’s jitters started to calm down.

“Hey, sorry, but I have to go”, Steve announced after some more small talk, “Got those calls to make”, he said the last bit giving Danny a look like Danny didn’t already know about the calls he just talked about twenty minutes ago. The doofus.

“Calls?”, Bridget turned to him to ask as they watched Steve leave.

“Long story”, he waived her off.

“So you basically just brought him here to meet me? I thought we were having brunch”, she asked.

If Danny blushed, he’d blame the sun. “I just thought you guys should meet. And Steve drove me here. He usually gets my Camaro to work. He has lost one too many car chases because his truck is just an ugly gas guzzler”, he explained, an arm around his sister’s shoulders as they made their way to the restaurant.

“He drives your car… to work?”

And Danny was tired of seven years of this same argument. He groaned, “He sucks”.

Bridget snorted, with the same uneven smiled of all the Williams’ family.

They sat down at the restaurant, talked about their kids, and their lives and jobs, and Danny was smiling like a loon. Bridget was figuratively and literally glowing under the Hawaiian sun.

Of course, that was when some guy approached their table, and Bridget greeted him with a _fist bump_. A very awkward one at that. And she was fumbling with the words to introduce them just like Danny had with her and Steve, and his gut was sending him all kinds of alarm bells.

He watched them both leave for a seminar in the conference, and this _Spencer_ put his _hand_ in Danny’s _little sister’s_ lower _back_.

Danny hailed a cab outside the hotel and could barely think as he muttered out he was going to the palace. All he could think about was his hand on Steve’s shoulder and the way Steve would always hold it in his after. And how his little sister was _married_. _With kids_.

He thought about how Bridget and Spencer had next door offices, and how Danny would catch Steve looking into his office while on a call, or like he was just staring into nothing trying to work out a case in his head, but his eyes kept meeting Danny’s. How Danny always felt something like butterflies in his stomach like he was still in high school. Danny thought about that weird little fist bump and Bridget’s embarrassed little laugh when she first brought a boyfriend home to meet their parents.

Danny thought about whatever it was he was feeling for Steve and what it all meant, and what it could all mean one day, and that maybe it wasn’t just a crush, because he couldn’t ignore it and it wasn’t going away.

But this was Steve. His friend. _His best friend_. His _straight_ best friend by all accounts.

For all the comments people made about them being in a relationship, that was just who they always had been, and Steve never told him otherwise, not even after Danny was out to the team. Danny couldn’t read into the things Steve did that seemed so different lately. Danny had no reason to think having feelings for his best friend could ever end well.

He walked in the office almost sweating off nervous energy. Kono and Chin were at the smart table, talking to some Interpol contact Harry Langford had forwarded to them. They greeted him with a nod as he made his way into the office, Kono’s eyes lingered on him, a silent question on them, but Danny just shook his head. He looked around some more, finding Lou’s office empty, the man was probably at Hickam playing middleman. And it may only have happened three or four times before, but right then and there, Danny wanted them to catch a case that would last four days of running around chasing their tails, just so he could have something else to focus on.

Danny looked over Steve’s office, and sure enough, Steve was looking back at him. Phone in his ear, frowning at whatever run around his CIA contact was probably giving him.

Danny started towards his office, but then he heard Steve open his door and say, “Hey, Danny, come here for a sec”.

Steve moved over to his desk chair when Danny went in and closed the door behind him.

“I’ll have a few other calls to make, but apparently it’s all set, Doris is going to Virginia”.

Danny winced sympathetically.

“Did they say how long she’s gonna serve time?”, he asked, still standing by the door.

Steve shook his head, “I basically bought her a chance at burocracy. She was really looking at the prospect of the same future as Yao Fat, holed up in a black site where no one knew she even existed. This way she’s getting charged and the agency is still deciding her sentence, but she’ll be waiting for that in the federal prison, and by the looks of it, she’ll be waiting at least a few months. But they’ll be moving her this week or the next”.

Danny could see the way Steve visibly gulped, looking over his shelfs by the window at his side.

“Is this your way of asking me to keep an eye on Nahele again?”, he asked with a smile, hoping to get one out of Steve.

But Steve just sighed, still not looking at him, “I guess. I don’t want to keep travelling away, but I can’t seem to help it lately. Ms. Prescott is probably going to have my head”.

“What are you really thinking, babe?”, Danny asked, finally sitting down in front of Steve.

Steve’s eyes flickered to him.

“I had no idea how much it weighted on Nahele, sending his father to prison. He said he’d rather go back to the streets than live with that man, Danny. I guess I’m just trying to figure out if I’m really doing the right thing. When Catherine showed up, it seemed so, but now… I don’t know”.

“Well, you know what I think. Loving someone doesn’t mean we don’t hold them accountable, babe. I didn’t do it to Matty, and well, you saw where that got me”.

And then he knew he had to talk to Bridget. _It was gonna suck_.

“Aw, man, I’m sorry”, Steve started, grimacing, “I didn’t even think about Matt, I – “

“It’s fine, Steve, seriously”, Danny interrupted him, “But actually, I wanted to ask you a favour”.

“Oh”, Steve blinked, “Anything”.

Danny could feel his face softening. Definitely not just a crush. “Can you pick up Grace after school today and take her to your house? I gotta go talk to Bridget again”.

Steve narrowed his eyes at him. “What did you do?”

“ _What did I do?_ Why I have to have done anything?”.

“ _Danny”_.

“ _Steven_ ”.

Steve huffed, but didn’t say anything else, just levelled Danny with a look that said, “spit it out”.

So, he did. Well, he said he had a bad feeling about his sister and _Spencer_. He did not say how he came to that conclusion, other than…

“Because he put his hand on her back?”, Steve’s whole face squinted at him.

“On her _lower back_ ”, he reiterated, but that just made Steve roll his eyes at him. “Look, trust me on this, okay? Bridget said Ted barely has time to come home most times, always on work trips”, _don’t think about Stan_ , Danny told himself, “and _Spencer_ is a colleague, that she sees every day, and they laugh together, and maybe they are really close friends, they start seeing each other differently, and one thing can lead to another. You know what I mean?”.

Steve grimaced, lips thinning as he stared at Danny with a wide-eyed look. A wide-eyed look like he _did know what Danny meant_.

“I do”, Steve answered, almost shell shocked.

Looking into Steve’s eyes, he felt like they were having a silent conversation separate from the one they were actually having.

“The point is this, I saw the way Bridget was looking at Spencer”, he said, but in his head, he was looking at Steve asking, _are you sure you know what I mean?_ “And I can’t get this out of my head until I talk to her”.

“Yeah, man, I’m sorry. I’ll stay with Grace at the house”, Steve said, but his eyes were still a bit too wide, like he was saying, _I think I do_.

So Danny went through the motions of getting through his work hours and asked Bridget to meet him for drinks at the Hilton, all the while thinking about Steve’s wide eyes staring at him and what the hell did that mean. Steve drove him before driving to get Grace, and when he drove off he was on the phone with Nahele, probably asking if the kid wanted a ride too.

Danny’s jitters from the morning came back in full force, but instead of excitement, they were more anxious, dreading jitters.

He walked in the still busy lobby and made his way towards the bar.

He wanted to have a normal, calm conversation with his sister. To try to understand her situation.

But all the worst-case scenarios ran through his head as he took one step after the other.

Bridget cheats on Ted with Spencer. _Danny confesses his feelings for Steve and is shot down. Steve can’t do this, he’s about to be a dad, he can’t get distracted. Danny was supposed to be his friend_. Ted wants a divorce, he could get custody of the kids. _Danny tries to stay close to Steve, as friends, but Steve starts acting weird around him_. Bridget loses her job because of the affair, the company could have a policy against inside relationships, and Danny knew it wouldn’t be Spencer getting fired. _Maybe Chin and Kono take Steve’s side, he’s their boss, how could Danny be so unethical? Lou won’t look him in the eyes anymore._ Bridget ends up alone. _Danny ends up alone_.

By the time Danny sat down in front of Bridget, the palms of his hands were damp, and he could feel sweat pooling on the back of his neck. Danny looked around at the open space of the bar, the windows ajar and ocean breeze rustling the tablecloths. Danny felt it all shrink into him, like the wind stopped and became stale, the walls became shorter and closer, the windows disappeared.

He could barely breathe.

“How was, uh, how was the seminar? With, uh, Spencer, right?”, he stuttered out the question.

Bridget smiled.

“You wanna talk about family deductibles? I mean, if that’s interesting to you, we can talk about family deductibles.”, she joked, and the fact that Bridget was in a good mood, somehow, became another thing holding Danny’s breath down.

Was Danny about to interrogate his sister? The questions popping up in his head all sounded like interrogation questions. And not the smart kind. The really dumb ones that no perp ever falls for.

He wanted a conversation.

“Danny, you okay?”, she asked, and he had to just say it.

“If there’s something going on between you and Spencer you need to stop it, now”, he winced as he said it. It came out all wrong, he’s tone was put out, she’d probably see it as condescending.

The glow from that morning disappeared from Bridget’s features.

“Oh, you think you know what’s going on?”, Bridget said, an edge to her voice that told Danny he just made a mistake.

“I do, okay, I…”, he started, but his voice was still coming out passive aggressive. He stopped himself from talking, waiting Bridget so say something.

Bridget looked him in the eye for a long moment, nodding her head, nostrils flaring. She looked down, to her hands over the table, her fingers fiddling with her wedding ring.

“You know that every morning I wake up and watch the ceiling fan, and I just feel the air on my face and I just _love_ that moment.”, she said and Danny had a dreadful feeling running down his spine as he looked his sister in her eyes and she was so beautiful, their mom would always say that, and her voice was angry and her eyes were hurt and Danny didn’t like where that was going, and “Because then the dog needs to be let out. And I need to make breakfast for the kids and – get ‘em off to school, and when schools done I gotta race back. I have to make dinner. Make sure their homework is done. Walk the dog. And then it just starts _all over again_ ”. She looked at him in the eye and he had to look away, “I’m doing it all by myself. _Ted is never around_ ”, her voice finally wavered, like it wounded her, it probably did. “I mean, our parents are never in town and if they are in town, _they need_ something. Guess who’s handling all that?”, Danny couldn’t find his voice even if he tried, so he just pointed at her like it was enough. “Yeah. Me. Because _you guys left_. Years ago. I have no support. _I have no one_ to turn to.”.

Bridget paused and Danny took a deep breath. When she spoke again, he could tell she was losing where to find her voice too, “Honestly, I feel like, everyday, I get closer to – completely disappearing. Until one day I walk into work and someone _actually_ sees me and… Spencer’s a friend, okay? He’s there for me”.

And they just stared at each other for a few seconds and Danny had an ache in his chest and he thought about his cold bed at night and the silence in his house when Grace or Charlie weren’t around. He thought about the phone calls with Steve during their time away from work. Their phone call that day, late at night.

“Have you tried… Have you tried therapy? Getting separated for a while?”, he tried softening his voice, but Bridget was already geared up for a fight.

“Oh, I’m sorry, God knows you’re a saint, Danny, but unlike you I can’t _just walk away_ from _my_ children”.

And her eyes widened like she just registered what she said, and Danny needed to _get out_.

“Okay”, he said, eyeing the tablecloth to gather himself so he wouldn’t start yelling in this nice restaurant, “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry. I need to _leave_. I’ll talk to you before you have to head back”.

He got up and was halfway through the lobby when he heard Bridget’s voice: “Danny, wait! Danny!”, then, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that!”.

The Williams special, saying a bunch of hurtful things without really meaning to.

He turned around, sucking at his top lip as he watched his sister jog closer to him. “I’m sorry”, she said again, quieter this time, “I shouldn’t have said that”.

Danny sighed, “I shouldn’t have said what I said like that either”.

Bridget hung her head low for a beat, then looked up at him and said, “Let’s go up to my room, okay? We can scream all we want there, like a true Williams spat”.

She extended her hand to him, and he felt himself smile as he took it. How easy it had always been to fight with her.

“I know you didn’t walk away from Grace”, she whispered in the elevator, still holding his hand, “You moved here for her. I was just… you know”.

“Yeah, I know”.

They waited in silence until the elevator binged and the doors opened. He waited for her to fumble around her purse for her room card, as he made his way into her room, he sat on the edge of the bed, hand in between his knees, he sucked at his top lip again, watching her tidying the non-existent mess around her suitcase.

“Hey, I just want you to know that I love you very much, okay?”, he said, making her still her moving around and turn to him with a warm smile, “And I didn’t mean to sound all judgemental before. And I – I want you to know that I get it. What you said downstairs. I get it. And I’m sorry you’re going through it with Ted and the kids”.

She looked at him with confusion at first, then with shock. Bridget hesitantly sat beside him.

“You… get it?”, she murmured back to him.

Danny nodded. “It can get really lonely all this way from you guys”, he said, “And I don’t know, sometimes I just – I wish I had someone to share the little things with, y’know? The moments staring at the ceiling fan, and taking the kids to school, all that”.

He saw her nod out of the corner of his eye.

“You’re not dating?”, she asked, and he had to laugh, “What?”.

And Danny considered all the things he could say to that, all the half-truths and run arounds he could give. Then: “This whole thing. That I threw at you with Spencer. I guess it just hit a little closer to home than I wanted to”.

He glanced sideways to see Bridget frowning in confusion, “Who are you talking about? Your partner back in Jersey? Grace Tillwell? You had an affair with her?”.

Danny felt his whole face twist in a scowl.

“ _What? No!_ Jesus, Bridget, I named my daughter after her!”.

Bridget shrugged, eyes bugged out, “I don’t know! You only ever worked with her, Meka, who was married, and it was only a couple of months anyway – and I just realised all your partners died, you should really give Steve the heads up”, she finished with a somewhat attempt at lighting the mood, but Danny gulped and watched her think about what she just said, and her eyes bugged out even more, “ _Steve?_ ”, she gasped lowly.

Danny nodded. “I just projected my own shit on you and Spencer”, he explained, eyes looking at his hands in his lap, “Things have been… different, with me and Steve. And it’s not like we’d be having an affair if we did get together, but that’s what wiggled me out when I thought I saw what I saw between you and Spencer... Just for the record, there’s nothing to see really, right?”.

Bridget huffed and he could tell she just rolled her eyes at him, “No, Danny, there’s nothing to see. There’s nothing between me and Spencer. I wouldn’t cheat on Ted”.

Danny nodded, satisfied, “Okay. Thanks”, he said with finality, hopefully putting the whole thing to bed.

“So what’s going on with you and Steve? You say you hate him half the time”.

Danny sniffed, laughing without meaning to. “I don’t know. I guess I just started seeing him differently. And at first I thought it was just a fluke, y’know? Me and Melissa weren’t connecting, we broke up, and Steve has always been Steve. I thought it would just go away eventually”.

“But it hasn’t?”.

“Nope”.

“Does he feel the same way?”.

Danny shrugged, “Don’t know, haven’t asked”, he huffed out something like a laugh, “For all I know he doesn’t even bat for my team”.

“You’ve known him for seven years and you don’t know?”

Danny shrugged again, puffing out his cheeks as he let out a loud exhale, “It hasn’t come up! He’s not the most forthcoming person when it comes to this stuff. I barely remember when I told the team, I was drunk at Side Street and Gabby had just left and I think I just came out with it, no pun intended”.

Bridget laughed and put her arm around his shoulders. “Well, you should find out, Danny. You deserve to be happy. And Steve _does_ seem like a catch”.

Danny snorted and took off his shoes, scooting over the bed to sit against the headboard, he patted the spot next to him, “He’s an idiot. And you only met him for like five minutes”.

Bridget rolled her eyes and sat beside him, “But if you like him, that means he must be, right?”.

“Maybe it just means I’m an idiot too”.

-

“Sara keeps asking me if she can join the girls scouts”, Chin was telling Steve as they made their way to Max’s office, “And I’m running out of ways to tell her she might not even stay in Hawaii for very long”

Steve winced in sympathy. “I’m sorry, man, when’s the hearing?”.

“Next week, right before my birthday, so you know that big party Abby’s been planning? It’s either going to be way bigger or a pity party”.

Steve put a hand on Chin’s shoulder, “It’s not gonna a be a pity party. Sara wants to stay, she has a life, a routine here on Hawaii, I’m sure they don’t want to disturb that”.

“I’m not actually related to her”

“You’re her uncle!”

“ _Through marriage_. Malia would be her actual family. I’m just some guy”.

“Chin, c’mon, you don’t believe that. _You’re her family_. You’re just spending too much time with Danny and his pessimism’s rubbed off on you”.

Chin smiled, high cheekbones squeezing at his eyes.

“Thanks, Steve”.

Steve smiled before opening the door to Max’s office. The man in question was sitting at his piano, but not playing it yet.

“Max, howzit”, Chin greeted, and Max turned on his piano stool to greet them too, “We wanted to come by to give a heads up. We have a case with Interpol and it’s under wraps, there’s a few bodies coming your way from that case, the autopsy report has to go straight to us, okay?”.

“Of course, Sergeant Kelly”, Max said with his usual small smile. “Is today’s case with the teenage girl closed?”, he then asked.

“Yeah, open and shut”, Steve answered.

Max nodded, “Good, good”.

Max was still smiling, but it seemed off. Steve and Chin shared a look. If this was with Danny, they would probably have a silent argument to decide which one of them would find out what was wrong with Max. With Chin, the guy just raised his eyebrows and turned back to Max, saying “Something’s wrong, Max?”.

Max seemed surprised at the question, mouth hanging open for a few seconds before he elaborated an answer, “Uh, yes. I just have been trying to find a new M.E. to help around and it is a daunting task”.

Steve frowned, “A new M.E.? What about Noelani?”.

Max seemed surprised again and Steve frowned deepened.

“Uh, yes, of course. Dr. Cunha is doing wonderfully, but we have been having some overworked days”, Steve was still frowning even though the answer seemed fine, “How’s both of your custody cases?”, Max promptly changed the subject.

Chin traded a look with Steve again, but they silently agreed to let it slide, and Chin set off to tell Max about Sara.

That was when he got the text from Danny saying he was outside on the Camaro and Steve needed to drop him off at the Hilton before picking up Grace.

If possible, Danny was even more jittery then than he was in the morning, but it was a different kind of jittery.

In the morning, it was the kind of jitters Steve got when he had been in the Navy and someone asked him to spar in front of everyone and Steve absolutely destroyed the guy after. Or the jitters he got when Mary first came back to Hawaii with only a few days’ worth of notice. When he called Nahele to say he officially started the process to petition for his adoption.

Right then, it was the jitters Steve had gotten when he saw the helicopter approaching them in the sky, right before it opened fire on them, and Steve’s liver was shot to hell. The jitters from having to tell Nahele his father was dead. Or the jitters he gotten when he had to call Mary and say their mother was alive all this time, she was _just hiding_. Hiding from everything, and from them.

“You okay, man?”, He asked.

Danny blew out a breath.

“Ask me again later”.

Steve didn’t like that answer at all but didn’t press.

Steve watched Danny walk in the hotel and then drove away from the Hilton, Nahele on the phone talking to him. He figured that if he was having Grace over, he could get Nahele to go too.

He called the group home and he called Abigail Prescott and made sure everything was okay – after he had already called Nahele, but it was the thought that counted – and made his way to Grace’s school.

She bundled down the stairs as she saw the Camaro. Steve opened the door and looked to her over the hood of the car. He noticed as she paused, taking in the fact that Danny wasn’t there.

“He’s fine, Gracie”, he called out, “He just needed to see your Aunt Bridget again”.

Grace visibly relaxed and walked all the way over, Steve got in the car again just as she settled on the backseat. “We’re picking up Nahele and coming back to the house, how does that sound?”, he asked, turning to look at Grace over his shoulder.

She beamed at him, “You should come pick me up more often, Uncle Steve”, she said.

Steve beamed back and started the car, making his way to Nahele’s school.

“’Hele said Catherine came back”, Grace said out of the blue, almost making Steve swerve in traffic.

“What?”.

“Catherine? Brunette, Navy-girl, you guys used to date? Danno said you guys were almost engaged”.

Steve sputtered for a while, not really knowing how to react to that.

“Yeah. Yeah, she came by a few weeks ago. She had a mission. I refused”.

“’Hele said she wanted to break you mum from prison”

He narrowed his eyes at that, “Grace, why are you asking me questions you already know the answers to?”, he asked, glancing quickly at Grace through the rear-view mirror.

He stopped at a traffic light and turned to see Grace fidgeting with the strap of her backpack over her lap.

“What do you want to know, Gracie?”.

She gnawed on her top lip for a few seconds, the spitting image of her father.

“Was it hard? Knowing she lied to you like that?”

Before he could answer it though, Nahele’s school was right beside them and he parked by the curb. He looked back at Grace through the rear-view mirror, but she wasn’t looking back at him.

Nahele came towards them, backpack slung across one shoulder and a lazy tune to his step.

He leaned over the passenger window first, greeting Grace then Steve. Nahele sat down putting his backpack between his legs in the space in front of the seat. Instinctively, Steve put his arm around the kid’s shoulders and pulled him enough so he was leaning across the console in between the two front seats and Steve could kiss the top of his head.

He furled Nahele’s hair and let him right himself up on the seat, smiling coyly with a squint to his eyes.

“How was school? Both of you, I didn’t ask you before, Grace”, Steve asked as he pulled away from the curb.

“It was okay, Uncle Steve”, Grace said with the tone of voice that told him she was rolling her eyes at him.

“They are starting with the winter formal nonsense”, Nahele said still smiling.

“You don’t like dances?”, Steve asked, trying to look at him long enough to get his reaction, but the traffic was moving along too fast.

“They’re fine, I guess. Just not my thing. Not like any girl ever wants to go out with the foster kid”.

“Then they aren’t good girls for you, ‘Hele”, Grace berated him like they had this discussion before, “If you want, me and Will can get you in the academy’s dance next month. I’m sure we can find a date for you there”.

Steve stilled, not sure if Grace meant to talk about dates in front of him.

He still wasn’t gonna snitch to Danny though.

Steve decided to drive as still as possible, as if not to bring attention to them that he was an adult listening in.

“Thanks, Grace, but I _think_ you’ll be better off without me there, _y’know_?”, Nahele commented with something in his voice like an edge.

Steve was about to ask what that was supposed to mean, completely forgetting to play statue, when Grace forcefully changed the subject.

“Uncle Steve, you didn’t answer me before!”, she said almost too loudly on the enclosed space of the car.

“What, Gracie?”.

“About Catherine”.

Steve winced, really hoping not to have to discuss this with a couple of teens.

“What was the question?”, he stalled for time as he figured out what to say.

“When Catherine lied about leaving you to work for that hurricane relief and you found out it was a lie. Did it – Was it – I mean, how did you feel about it?”, she sounded like the therapist he and Danny had for work.

He remembered his calm answer to Danny that day, “ _Yeah, I’m angry”,_ he had said. He remembered Danny screaming at his face in the hospital about it.

“I was hurt, Gracie.”, he shrugged awkwardly with both hands still on the steering wheel, “I guess… I guess I didn’t expect it from her”.

Catherine, who knew his history with his dad and his mom and decades upon decades of lying and hiding. Cover ups, Yakuza hits, CIA ops and sending kids away. That was the McGarrett legacy for him.

On the rear-view mirror, he saw Grace gnaw at her lip again.

“Is this about Rachel?”, he asked, holding the steering wheel a little bit tighter.

It took a while for Grace to answer, they got home, and Steve parked in the driveway, but didn’t get out, he turned on the seat again, looking at Grace expectantly. Nahele turned too, worry on his face.

Grace huffed, looking out the window before turning to them again, “I just… I know mum’s trying to make things right, and Danno’s too. And I know it’s been almost a year now, but I just… I don’t see how I can get past it. She lied about Charlie for years! And if he wasn’t sick, she would still be lying! I just never thought she was capable of doing something like this”.

Steve was in _way_ over his head.

“Have you talked to Danno about it?”, he asked, so maybe he could have a point of reference, but Grace just kind of shrugged.

“He doesn’t like talking about it much. I think it makes him sad. He said I should talk to mum about it, but we just end up fighting”.

She looked at Steve like she was expecting him to have the answer to all her problems and Steve found himself starting to sweat. He was racking his brain for something, hoping the silence wouldn’t stretch for too long, when: “Well, what do you want, Grace?”, Nahele asked her.

Grace looked as stunned as Steve felt.

She seemed to mull the question over in her head for a while, she sighed.

“I don’t know, ‘Hele”, she admitted after another beat. “I just know I don’t want it to be like this forever”.

Nahele nodded, understanding. Steve was just amazed again they were talking like this in front of him. Normally he’d get snippets of half discussions about things he didn’t understand or just have to watch them text even though they were sitting right next to each other, and it kept happening even when Lou’s kids were there too. It annoyed Lou and Danny to no end. Steve had kind of just accepted it.

“You should figure out what you want and ask for it. From both Danny and your mom”, Nahele glanced at Steve for a second before turning back to Grace, “That’s what I did”.

Grace smiled but rolled her eyes at him, “Yeah, but Uncle Steve gave you options to choose from. Foster or adoption”.

Nahele scrunched up his nose in a grimace before saying, “Then you should figure out what your options are first”.

-

Steve hurdled them in the house after a while, watched them fight over the TV remote just to sulk when Steve said they should start on their homework first and fight later.

He remembered the exact same thing happening with Mary, before everything went to shit, and they went their separate ways to the mainland. They were always fighting over who’d get the TV or who’d have to go help make dinner, and his dad would eventually just say that if they didn’t stop fighting, they were gonna do every chore together.

He sent Danny a text wondering if he’d come by for dinner but didn’t get a response.

Steve wondered what he could do to fill out the time with two teenagers commandeering his living room to do homework. He guessed he could keep making his calls to make sure everything with his mother’s prison transfer was okay, but he didn’t really feel like having to decipher whatever the agents told him over the phone. In more than one occasion he just screamed into the phone: “ _Would you just talk like a normal person?_ ”, he felt very _Danny_ and instantly winced.

Steve should probably talk to the rest of team, get a report on their progress for the day. When he left with Danny, Chin said he was going back to the office to go through some data with Jerry. Kono and Lou were running point on wrapping up their closed homicide case.

But he looked over Nahele curled up on the couch, textbook on his lap and bright neon marker between his teeth as he scowled at the pages. Grace, hunched over the coffee table, scribbling on her notebook pages with laziness, one hand under her chin and eyes dangerously close to shutting down.

Steve didn’t really feel like bringing his work home then. Talking about drug traffickers and gun smugglers and millions of dollars in offshore accounts didn’t seem right with his and Danny’s lives sitting in the next room.

He wondered what the hell he was supposed to do if he wasn’t working or cleaning up his mother’s mess.

“Uncle Steve, can we eat something before dinner?”, Grace saved him from the imminent identity crisis.

He looked at his watch, it was barely past 5p.m., he supposed it was okay.

“Sure, what you guys want?”, he asked before being hit with the impeding sense of doom that his kitchen probably wasn’t filled with stuff teenagers would want. He made a mental note of taking Nahele grocery shopping with him next time. “I have, uh, stuff for sandwiches, I guess? A bunch of fruits”, he winced as he talked.

Nahele and Grace shared a look before Nahele turned back to him, “Sandwiches’ cool. Can I make some coffee?”.

Steve frowned, “You drink coffee?”, he did another mental check of when he started drinking coffee himself, and if he ever read something about teens and caffeine.

“Oh, make some for me too!”, Grace pitched in.

Steve was about to ask her when she started drinking coffee too when he had the feeling he was about to be ganged up on by two teenagers.

“It’s okay, I’ll make it”, he found himself saying, “But for the record, you don’t need to ask my permission, Nahele. I know it’s not ‘official’ yet, but this is your house too now”.

Nahele looked stricken for half a second before beaming at him. Grace rolled her eyes, but she was smiling too.

Steve set out to the kitchen, rummaging through his cabinets and fridge for sandwich ingredients and turning on the coffee maker.

He was sure he had peanut butter somewhere, there was nothing safer than a PB&J, right? Maybe he could do a tuna sandwich. Danny always said his mom used to make it for him, maybe Grace liked it too.

“Do you need help?”, Grace startled him from the doorway.

_Maybe?_

“Uh, it’s fine, Gracie, I think I just misplaced the PB part of a PB&J”.

Grace grinned, “A grilled cheese is fine too”.

Steve almost sighed in relief. He could that.

Grace hopped on the stool beside the small kitchen table, propping her chin on her hand as she watched Steve move around his kitchen.

“Aren’t you supposed to be studying?”, Steve thought he should ask.

“Can’t really concentrate before I eat something”, she dismissed, “Sometimes Danno takes me to the Wailana after school and we get food to go. It’s fun”, Steve started to wonder why he didn’t think of that when Grace continued, “After the divorce, before we came here, Danno didn’t have any idea on what to do either. He could only see me on the weekends, and he’d end up always taking me for ice cream, or hot dogs. Mum was always so mad when I’d tell her”, she said it with a bright smile, like she was so proud of it, “She’d say Danno ‘ _ought to have made you eat something healthier_ ”, Grace exaggerated a British accent. “I guess I was just happy to see Danno happy”.

Steve was in the middle of assembling six sandwiches when Grace’s tone changed in the last sentence, something resigned to it. It made something unsettle in his stomach and the thought of cheese was suddenly unappealing.

“What do you mean?”, Steve asked, probably missing his nonchalant goal by a mile.

Grace tilted her head and looked at him for a beat, considering her words.

“I knew the divorce was hard on Danno”, she started, “I know he tried keeping it from me, and I was really young and didn’t understand everything that was happening, but –“, she bit at her bottom lip, averting her gaze to the kitchen window, “He was really quiet those days, y’know? I heard Uncle Matty talking to him more than once, that he was worried”, she pause again, “It feels like that sometimes now, even before he and Amber – Melissa, broke up.”.

Steve felt something cold slithering its way from his lungs to his throat, something heavy settled halfway. “Why are you telling me this, Gracie?”, he half-whispered, not sure why.

Grace threw him a serious look. “I want Danno to be happy”, she said like it explained everything, but it just made Steve’s head spin.

“Me too”, he said, because it was the truth.

Grace opened her mouth to say something else, but the sound of the front door opening distracted both of them. Steve hurried out of the kitchen, instantly looking at the spot in the sofa Nahele still hadn’t moved from.

“Hey, guys”, Danny came through the door, glancing around to Nahele on the sofa and Grace’s stuff on the coffee table. He levelled Steve with a look, “I don’t care what she told you, Steven, I swear to god you better not have let my daughter drink coffee after 5 in the afternoon”.

Steve face seemed stuck between gulping and trying to cover it up with a smirk. It probably looked like what Danny referred to as “Aneurysm Face”.

Danny rolled his eyes and made his way towards him, ruffling Nahele’s hair on his way.

“I can hear the coffee machine”, Danny noted, standing right in front of him.

He looked better than he had a few hour ago at the Hilton. His shoulders and back not so uptight, eyes softer and easier smile. But there was something still there, sitting heavy in the way Danny moved and breathed. Something quiet when it was usually loud, just like Grace had just said.

“I drink coffee in the afternoon”, Nahele butted in to probably save Steve from a Danny shaped rant.

Danny spun around to look at Nahele again, who fidgeted on the couch. “ _You’re_ too young to drink coffee this late in the afternoon”, Danny said. He probably had a point, Steve thought, reprimanding himself. But Nahele just shrugged.

“I kinda got used to it. I normally could get leftover coffee from a few small offices around Ala Moana when people clocked out around this time of the day and the cleaning crew would it bring it down for me”, he shrugged again, “Now it’s just a habit I guess”.

Danny sighed. “You break my heart, kid”, he murmured, and Nahele lowered his head, twisting his mouth sideways. “C’mon, I’ll drink it with you in the kitchen”.

And how easy Danny made it seem. Just like that, Nahele smiled and walked over to them, Danny lead them to the kitchen. Grace was still at the stool, but it seemed that in the while Steve had gone to the living room, she’d toasted the sandwiches and now had a mouthful of bread as she gave Danny an innocent smile.

It seemed fitting somehow, that the last time Steve felt like a part of a family in this kitchen, there were four people there. Looking around, Danny pouring the coffee in three separate mugs and purposely ignoring Grace’s pout, Nahele snickering behind his own sandwich, Steve felt it again.

_Home_. Family.

He had no idea what do with that feeling or the fact that Danny was in the centre of it all.

-

If you told Steve seven years ago that he’d be visiting his mother in prison, he’d probably have shot you and thrown in rendition because you were clearly lying or gone crazy.

And yet there he was, in an undescriptive government vehicle, barely taking in the Virginian scenery passing by, legs bouncing against the car’s floor. The prison was a couple hours outside Washington where his plane landed, following the Potomac through the 95 almost taking them to Quantico and memories of joined trainings Steve went to during his time in Annapolis. He left Hawaii almost 24h before, with Ms. Prescott warning ringing in his ears as she said: “ _I really want this to work, Commander, but you are not showing you can provide Nahele with a stable life right now and a judge will see that_ ”.

Steve didn’t know what to do. He spent the last two years denying to himself that he wanted Nahele to be his family, _his son_ , and now that he was finally halfway into getting that, Steve couldn’t fathom a scenario where he wouldn’t be able to.

For the past few weeks Steve had been getting used to picking him up from school, asking him how his day had been and squeezing the answer out of the kid. Then brewing coffee for the both of them in the afternoon and worrying about the caffeine no matter how many times Nahele said it was fine. He’d gotten used to making sure the kid was eating right, sending him back to the group home with dinner if he couldn’t eat at home with Steve.

Nahele still didn’t treat the house as his home, but Danny said it’d probably take time and only after Nahele had moved there permanently.

And as much as all that, Steve had gotten used to sharing it all with Danny. More often than not, Steve found himself picking up Grace too, making grilled cheeses and helping with homework when he could, mostly math and chemistry. And Danny was doing the exact same for him, he’d either let himself in Steve’s home with the key he had and make himself comfortable with the kids or they would go to Danny’s place until Steve could get away from the office.

Though Steve couldn’t really describe the feeling he had every time he would get home, and there they were. Nahele on one end of the couch, textbook in his lap, Grace on the coffee table, pencil knocking rhythmically on the wood as she mulled something over on her mind. And Danny, either on the end of the couch, paging through one of Steve’s books or a case file, or he’d be in the kitchen making everyone’s food, and Steve’s heart soared and jumped, and he felt himself soften at the sight.

More often than not, Steve was also splitting his worries between Nahele, Grace and Danny.

He felt like he should talk to Danny about what Grace told him, _a parental courtesy_ as he put it, but he also thought that maybe Grace should have that talk with him herself, it was clearly bothering her. Steve didn’t think he could move past what Rachel did too, the way she just kept hurting the most important people in Steve’s life.

But he also knew that Grace would be better off having a relationship with Rachel, she loved her mother and for all her flaws, Rachel _loved_ her children. It was the one thing her and Danny could find common ground on.

_God, Danny_.

He shook himself, making the agent driving the van glance at him through the rear-view mirror.

Steve didn’t have a word for whatever it was that was growing between him and Danny, he just knew it was _something_. And he thought that maybe Danny knew it too. Maybe.

Steve would be lying if he said he never thought about it. Seven years knowing him, and Steve probably thought about it after seven minutes. That pull somewhere inside of himself that compelled him to make Danny Williams his partner. But Steve never even considered doing something about it, not even when Danny came out to the team, drunk off his ass at Side Street. He needed a friend and risking losing Danny to a failed relationship wasn’t something he thought he could go through. And Steve had been sure, for years he had been sure Catherine and him would eventually fall in together for real and she would _stay_. That Danny would find someone else for himself.

So many things had changed.

-

They walked him over a series of metal gates that beeped and wheezed as they were unlocked and opened, cells with only big block number on the doors. _His mother was going to spend her life in one of these cells_ , Steve thought with a tight throat.

They took him to a room divided by plexiglass, a bench on either side.

“You have fifteen minutes”, the agent told him before leaving him with the guard by the door.

Steve sat down on the bench on his side of the glass, palms sweating and heart thudding in his chest, his incision scar a phantom ache. He stared at the empty bench across from him, wating to hear the door on the other side opening.

He was pretty sure he stopped breathing when Doris walked through it, cuffs on her wrists and legs, hair falling flat over her shoulders. Her eyes did a double take as she saw him, something between surprise and hurt crossed her face. Steve gulped. Doris paused mid-step.

She just stood there, staring at him.

“What are you doing here, Steven? How did you even know I was here?”, she asked.

Steve forced his mouth to work, he needed to come clean about the whole thing.

“I was the one who arranged this transfer”, he confessed and watched his mother’s eyes widen.

“ _What?_ ”, she hissed, finally sitting down in front of him. “And how did you even know I was in custody?”.

Steve was sure the sweat must have seeped through his clothes. He wanted to avert his eyes, look anywhere else, but he needed to do this the right way. He wasn’t sure if Doris deserved it or if he was doing it for himself. It probably didn’t matter either way.

Steve looked Doris in the eye as he said: “Catherine came to me”.

And he knew she would know what that meant. That Catherine had known and had asked Steve to free his own mother. And he had said no.

It happened all at once. Doris’ eyes welled up and she pressed her lips together. Her gaze never wavered from Steve’s.

“Why?”, _why didn’t you come for me?_ , she asked.

Steve could see Nahele, sitting on the Marquis, face puffy and suit wrinkled, telling Steve his father was a murderer.

He supposed he did it for Nahele too.

“I couldn’t”, _I couldn’t keep running after you, hoping you’ll love me enough to stay this time_.

“ _Why?_ ”, she asked again, voice starting to break.

He had no easy way of saying it other than: “You have no _loyalty_ , mom”.

And Doris turned red in her face, eyes still glistening with the low lighting.

“I was loyal!”, she cried out, “I was loyal to my family!”.

Steve lost it.

“ _Your family?_ Which one? Me, dad and Mary? Or Yao and Wo Fat? You did what you thought it was right, and I get that. I get that. But the only one you took into consideration when you decided what to do, was yourself. If you – if you really thought about your family, you would have stayed. You would have told dad the truth or told _me_ the truth! But you always just run!” And suddenly Steve was a teen, tears in his eyes because he was arguing with his mother, “Being a spy wasn’t the only thing you were good at. And I’m sorry you felt like it was”.

Steve thought if she’d press her lips any harder, she’d break the skin. Her hands were bawled into fists on her lap, so tightly she was almost trembling. He couldn’t distinguish if it was anger or sadness that shook her.

Steve suddenly didn’t want to talk about any of that anymore.

“I’m gonna be a dad, mom”, the words fell out of his mouth in a whisper, but she heard him anyway. He saw more than heard her sudden intake of breath, her mouth open in a gasp. The single tear that fell from her eye and down her cheek, landing somewhere in the grey jumpsuit she wore.

“I – I”, she started, but couldn’t seem to control her voice enough to finish.

Then it seemed like all the fight had left her, like Steve words had been a pin deflating it.

“I’m adopting. Just like Mary”, he continued lowly, finally letting himself look away, he concentrated on a spot on the concrete floor by the glass wall. “His name is Nahele, he’s fifteen. He stole dad’s car last year”.

His mother let out a surprised laugh, something like delight escaping her. Steve looked back at her to see her wipe at her eyes and leave her hand over her mouth for a few breaths.

“You’re gonna be a great father, Steve”, she tried saying around the quiver in her voice, “You’ll do so much better than me and John ever did”.

Steve’s throat close up, he felt his nose sting as he tried not to let it get to him.

“I couldn’t help you”, Steve’s voice was tight as he pushed the words through, “I knew how it would end if I did. I knew you’d just keep lying to me and I’d keep lying to myself too”.

They only stared at each other until came a knock at the door, telling them it was over.

“I’m sorry, Steve. I’m really sorry”, Doris said, getting up.

Steve got up too. He nodded, once, twice, and mustered something like a smile that Doris retributed before being led back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song I'll be good, by Jaymes Young
> 
> Chapter set around 7x10, this one the canon timeline kinda gets jumbled a bit but nothing that's a major change. Also the bit where Danny talks about John saying he's a good father is callback to the pilot because Steve says that to Danny too!  
> I hope I did a good enough job with the Bridget storyline to fit in this story though, I loved her character and her kind of monologue, though the way the writers handled the whole thing kinda grated at me, like it felt so wrong that Danny had feelings for Grace Tillwell, so I had to come around and fix it, but I left the monologue the same as in canon
> 
> As always, thanks so much for reading, for the kudos and comments!


	6. I’ll build you a home when I can

-

_Six kids against one Danny_

-

Danny was about to burst into tears. It had been three hours and Charlie was still running around the house like a madman. Whoever gave his kid a piece of Chin’s sugar-filled birthday cake was going to have to deal with the fallout because for once in his life, Danny wanted to actually go to sleep. But Charlies was screaming, and making car noises, and Grace was locked in her room trying to escape the storm, but every so often Charlie would knock on her door frantically begging her to come out and play with him.

“Charlie, buddy, I just told you not to bother your sister, okay? What did I say?”, Danny tried not to be annoyed, but his eyes were drooping just from standing still too long.

Charlie bit his lips, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“You said Gracie had early practice tomorrow”, he answered dutifully, voice clearly trying to be quiet, but his body never stopped moving on the spot.

“See, so she needs to rest all of _eight_ hours, minimum”, Danny held up eight fingers, “And it’s almost midnight, buddy, if you wake her up, she’s not gonna be rested tomorrow, and we don’t want that, right?”, _for the love of god, we don’t want that_.

“But I really wanna play!”, Charlie’s voice seemed to forget they were trying to be quiet, because his high pitched yell almost made Danny wince.

“You’re killing me, buddy”, Danny sighed, “We can play, okay? But we can’t be loud”.

Charlie nodded frantically, almost jumping up and down with the movement.

That’s how Danny found himself on a Saturday morning with a conked-out Charlie on his car seat on the Camaro, having just dropped off a really grumpy and tired Grace at her school for cheer practice, even her pompons looked sad.

Danny considered just sleeping on the parking lot so he wouldn’t have to drive back to the school to pick her up in two hours, but he’d probably just exhaust the battery of the car keeping the air conditioning on.

It was great that Rachel had found a great private school for Grace just a few minutes away from hers and Stan’s mansion, but it was a good twenty minutes for Danny to get there. And he did the math in his head, stared at Charlie still sleeping, did the math in his head again and made his way to Steve’s. The guy would probably be up for hours already.

He parked beside the white Silverado, which Danny still thought was a stupid colour for a car that size. He picked up Charlie from the backseat, careful not to wake him, and made his way through the garden. He knocked on the front door, Charlie was getting too heavy and he couldn’t get a good grip to fumble his pockets for the keys.

A few seconds passed with no answer and he knocked again, walking the line between knocking loud enough to be heard in the house, but not loud enough to awake the ball of energy that was going to be Charlie. It was a hard line to walk.

When there still wasn’t any answer, Danny huffed, hoisted Charlie a bit further up his hip and made his way around the house and to the lanai.

Steve was pacing the lanai back and forth along the tree line, phone to his ears and eyebrows almost meeting at the centre of his forehead. He had his SEAL face on.

“Commander!”, Danny called out mockingly, a lazy smile on his face as he watched Steve.

Steve whipped around fast, hands almost going to his hip where he would usually have his holster. His face seemed to get stuck between being a SEAL and having an aneurysm. Danny kept smiling and watched as Steve did a double take at his phone like he forgot there was someone there still talking to him. He turned away from Danny again, resuming his pacing, but at every other word he would glance back.

Danny waited him out, he went to the hammock under the balcony and tried disentangling Charlie’s arms from his neck as he lowered the kid down. Charlie groaned softly, but eventually gravity won out and Danny straightened his back, popping his spine as he did so.

Charlie had a peaceful face as he slept, after the night’s before sugar rush, he was pretty tired. Danny still worried though, it was a year since his surgery and the doctor said to expect a slow recovery, where Charlie would get tired faster than normal and had to avoid catching anything that even resembled a cold.

Danny pushed the blond hair off the kid’s forehead, almost making him stir. He decided just to gently push the hammock as he waited on Steve’s phone call. Charlies sighed himself back to sleep.

He heard a few words here and there when Steve got frustrated and his voice would rise, but Danny wasn’t too invested. With his luck, it was probably a case that meant dropping off his kids at Rachel’s, and Grace was going to have his head if he did that.

“Hey”, he heard behind himself just as he felt a hand on his back. _His lower back_.

_God,_ he was ridiculous.

Steve pulled at his shirt and Danny turned his head to stare at him, “Hey”, he answered back.

“C’mere for a second”, Steve whispered so as not to wake Charlie.

“If this is a case, you’ll have to explain it to Grace”, he whispered back.

Steve rolled his eyes and motioned with his finger for Danny to follow him. Danny turned back from Charlie and they walked a few steps towards the ocean, far enough they wouldn’t disturb the kid, but close enough they could still keep an eye on him.

“It's somewhat of a case”, Steve started.

“What does that mean?”.

“Well, it’s the Interpol / inter-agency case. They picked up chatter of a big drug haul getting in the island yesterday. Smuggled in a car from Asia, they think India. I sent out a BOLO for the car and I’m waiting to hear back from HPD”.

“India wasn’t on the high-alert places list we got, why did Interpol flagged this one?”, he asked, trying to pierce everything together in his mind.

But Steve just shrugged, “Harry said there was a high priority shipment being transported to India last week, they don’t know what it was, but with this smuggled car they think it was brought here”.

“You just said it was a big drug haul”, Danny pointed out, dread making its way into his mind.

“Yeah. They said they _expect_ it to be drugs, but they aren’t sure”, Steve explained, frowning again and shoulders sagging a bit. It bothered him not seeing the full picture.

Danny looked back at Charlie, the hammock still swinging slightly from when Danny was pushing it before.

“I don’t like this”, he whispered.

Steve nodded in agreement, hand rubbing at his chin as he focused his eyes in something Danny couldn’t see.

Then, like a light switch, Steve’s whole face changed, the laser focus gave place to a softening of the creases in his brow, his eyes widened a bit as he stared back at Danny, then at Charlie behind them, then back at Danny.

“What’re you guys doing here?”, Steve asked.

If you were to ask Danny at gun point if he found that endearing, he would’ve spat in your face and told you to shoot him.

Danny _had_ to roll his eyes before answering, “ _Someone_ gave Charlie a bunch of sugar yesterday at Chin’s party and the guy kept everybody up last night”, Danny’s hand gestured widely and he talked with his face aiming at the sky, mostly to humour Steve a bit, “So I had to drive Grace to her Cheer practice in the morning and I thought I’d cut at least five minutes of commute coming here. And also, so you could watch Charlie while I go back in an hour and a half”.

Steve rolled his eyes too, but he was smiling. “Fine, Nahele’s coming for lunch anyway”

Danny saw the way Steve’s shoulder tightened at the comment. “Any word from CPS since your Doris visit?”, he asked.

“Nope”, Steve grumbled, “But it’s coming. Ms. Prescott called to warn me yesterday”.

“At least Chin got custody of Sara quickly”, Danny shrugged. Not much of a silver lining for Steve as a rub in the face. It had been a nice gift for the guy though, the hearing happened right before his birthday, and just like that Sara was staying. Chin did the thing on his jaw that meant he was having too many emotions, Abby grinned at him and kissed him, Kono cried. Danny’s family got bigger.

“Well, yeah, he’s her actual family. Legally, I mean. I’m nothing to Nahele”.

“Legally, you mean”, Danny pressed, eyes searching Steve’s.

“Yeah”, he mumbled. With a sigh, he turned back from Danny and towards the house, “You want some coffee before you have to go?”, Steve asked over his shoulder and didn’t wait for Danny’s answer to go inside.

Danny stared as the door closed, cursing the whole situation. He stopped by the hammock just to see Charlies staring at him, eyes drooping and face still slack with sleep.

“You okay, buddy?”, Danny asked, kneeling beside the kid’s head.

Charlie nodded through a yawn.

“You wanna go sleep in Nahele’s room?”, Danny asked, getting another nod in response.

Danny picked him up again, about to tell him he’d be staying with Steve until Danny came back with Grace, but when Danny looked back, Charlie was already snoring against his shoulder.

It was barely 8a.m., it made sense for Charlie to be this tired. But Danny worried.

“You look awful by the way”, Steve said appearing beside him out of nowhere. Danny realised he was just standing there, at the bottom of the stairs, staring at his son’s face smushed against his own shoulder. “Here, lemme take him, coffee’s almost ready in the kitchen”, Steve continued, extending his arms towards Charlie.

Danny handed him over with easy, like they had been handing each other kids for years. It felt like it meant something. Or it should mean something, the way Charlie went limply to Steve, smushed his head against the other’s shoulder, wrapped his little legs around just half of Steve’s waist.

It meant something.

Danny just wasn’t sure what.

-

Somehow, he found himself walking into a full house.

Grace was lagging on her feet, completely spent from the practice and the few hours of sleep she probably got the night before, but even she looked around the full driveway in confusion.

“Is Uncle Steve having a party?”, she asked.

Danny frowned. He had a bad feeling growing in his gut. “I don’t think so, Monkey”.

They went in the front door. Nahele, Charlie, Sara, Will and Samantha were all watching TV spread out on the living room. Danny frowned harder for just a second before forcing himself to smile and greet everyone.

“Steve said to tell you to go to the kitchen”, Nahele said.

Danny nodded, but a good look into Nahele’s eyes told him he was worried too.

The kitchen was just as packed as the living room, considering it was smaller. Lou and Steve against the counters at one side, Chin at the other and Kono sitting on the stool by the table.

“I’m gone for twenty minutes and suddenly we’re having a conference?”, he announced to the room.

Everyone turned to look at him. He found Steve’s eyes first. “What’s going on?”, he pressed at the growing silence.

“You remember the BOLO I sent out?”, Steve asked, and Danny nodded, “HPD found the car. The driver was killed along with the officer that stopped him”.

Danny closed his eyes for a second. This was about to get complicated. He levered himself onto the countertop by the door, still staring at Steve, but it was Kono who spoke next.

“Max was examining the bodies and the driver’s blood test came back with traces of radiation. We think the car was smuggling uranium”.

“Uranium? Like the uranium people can use to make a dirty bomb?”, he tried to keep his voice low so it wouldn’t carry to the living room, but his heartbeat was pushing on his throat.

“We got a lead on who was smuggling the car”, Lou said, voice also careful.

Danny nodded, but took in the inaction in the kitchen, “And what’re we waiting for?”.

They all winced collectively. “What?”

“We need someone to stay with the kids”, Steve said, giving him a pointed look.

Danny was about to blow a fuse, “And why the – _fuck”_ , he hissed lowly, “I’m the designated babysitter?”

“Doghouse, boss”, Kono said around a smirk, like it make sense, and got up.

Chin and Lou followed her out and Danny thought he might be having a stroke. He stared at Steve with bugged out eyes, waiting for an explanation. Steve detached himself from the counter on the far side of the kitchen and came to stand across from Danny.

Danny felt vulnerable somehow.

Their eyes were on the same level, he realised as an afterthought.

“It’s better if you stay with the kids”, Steve said, arms crossed in front of his chest, staring at Danny with his SEAL stare. His SEAL stare that he should know by now that it didn’t work on Danny. “Abby’s coordinating with HPD, Renee’s in Chicago, Grace will probably make a run for it if we ask Rachel”

“What about Adam?”, he growled.

“What about Adam?”, Steve echoed, head tilting forward.

“Why can’t he stay with the kids while me, your partner, go do my actual job?”.

Steve rolled his eyes, “Adam can’t take care of six kids by himself”.

“ _And I can?_ ”

“Well. Yes”, Steve shrugged. Danny wanted to scream. “He can come over to help you, but you’re not leaving him alone here”.

_Oh, so Steve was this kind of parent_.

To be fair, Danny should’ve seen it coming. He didn’t even let Matty babysit Grace when she was a baby. Ever. But never mind that Nahele was almost sixteen and barely needed taking care of. Steve had his SEAL face on. Danny sighed.

“You owe me. Don’t know what yet, but you owe me”.

Steve softened his face and said around a smile, “Put it on the tab after the liver”.

Danny huffed and climbed down from the counter. He watched the team say goodbye to the kids and leave and he found himself be stared down by six pairs of eyes, all waiting for some sort of explanation.

Steve was gonna owe him big time.

-

Two hours later, a few updates from the team and the new knowledge from Sara that Chin’s pancake game was weak, Danny, Nahele and Samantha were in the kitchen making lunch while Grace and Will watched Charlie and Sara run around the lanai, making sure the kid’s weren’t on the sun too long.

They were making pasta with meatballs because it was easy, and Danny could cut all the ingredient while the other two cooked the pasta and assembled the sauce and meatballs.

“Where did you learn to cook?”, Samantha asked him, who was on "watching the pasta" duty because she almost poked Nahele’s eye out with the spoon for the sauce. Danny didn’t think he would live that one down if Steve found out.

“My mom”, Danny answered, cutting through some basil. He made a mental note of maybe getting Steve a bunch of plants for a house garden. Could be a cool thing to do with Nahele, “Most of my family really. My nana was a great cook, kept all her recipes under lock and key. She only gave them to me and mom before she passed. She said Stella’s only skill with fire was putting it out and that Bridget didn’t have the patience for her twenty-layer lasagne”.

“Twenty layers?”, both teens yelled in unison.

Danny smiled, “I’ll make it some other day, when we have more time”.

“Mom started to teach me, before she passed”, Nahele said, his voice was soft, smile small.

“Yeah?”, Samantha encouraged him to keep talking.

Nahele nodded, “Just the basics. Eggs, omelettes, mac n’ cheese. I was ten, so she taught me stuff I wouldn’t need to cut anything”, he shrugged.

“I bet you’re learning a lot with Kamekona”, Danny offered.

“You kidding? I’m just a guinea pig there, boss doesn’t let anyone in on his recipes”.

Samantha laughed and the timer for the pasta went off. Danny told her to drain it on the sink and run it over cold water for a few seconds.

“I can teach you some stuff if you want”, he offered Nahele, though he was keeping watch on Samantha’s hands as she tilted the pot over the sink to take the water out, “I’m sure nana wouldn’t mind”, he glanced at Nahele with a smile before catching Samantha turning the faucet too strongly and getting her whole face soaked as the water jet hit the edge of the pot and ricocheted to her.

Nahele made a snorting sound but kept it in. Good boy. Danny told Samantha to go dry up on the bathroom.

“Will said cooking skills skip the women in his family”, Nahele joked, “Apparently Grover has a brother who cooks too”.

Danny rested the knife on the cutting board to stare at Nahele with raised eyebrows. “Will cooks?”.

Nahele nodded with a shrug. “Yeah, he said he wanted to be a chef”, he paused, “Don’t mention it to Grover though”.

Danny smirked and cleaned his hands in a dishtowel, “I guess I recruited the wrong sibling the whole time, huh? I’ll go talk to Will to take over the meatballs for Samantha”

He was halfway to the backdoor when he heard Nahele say, “Wait, Danny –“.

Danny opened the backdoor and there, sitting on the lanai beach chairs besides the hammock, with Charlie and Sara playing in the grass seven feet away, was Will. Will. With his face plastered on Danny’s daughter face. Grace. Danny’s Grace.

He was gonna kill Lou.

He was gonna make another deep-dish pizza just so he could throw it on Lou’s face.

“When _I_ was a teenager”, he started, voice extra loud to be heard over the smooching sounds. Will half froze, half winced. Grace jumped away from him and almost fell off the seat. They both looked at him with wide eyes, dread all over their features. Danny crossed his arms over his chest, “I thought it was good manners to introduce myself to my girlfriend’s father before coming to his house to snog her”.

“Technically this is Uncle Steve’s house”, Grace piped in. But by the look on her face she didn’t really mean to say anything.

Danny raised his eyebrows at her and she pressed her lips together.

“This’s what’s gonna happen”, Danny said with his best impression of Steve SEAL voice, “Grace, you’re gonna stay here and think of all the ways you can explain not telling me about this, then you’re gonna talk to your mother to spend some time with her so you can tell her in person, no, don’t give me that look, you have to tell her. And Will”, he turned to the kid, who almost jumped up from his seat, eyes still trying to fall out of his skull, “Go in the kitchen, you’re helping me and Nahele. I’ll have a talk to your father later, maybe I’ll call your mother too”.

Will visibly gulped, but otherwise he was standing stock still like a statue.

“ _The kitchen?_ ”, his voice went up and faltered, “The kitchen? Helping _you_? With the _knives_?”.

Danny rolled his eyes and made a shooing motion. Will practically bolted forward.

Grace sat there staring at him, Danny stared back. She glanced away.

Danny sighed, turning to look into the kitchen through the still open backdoor. Will was talking to Nahele, who seemed to be trying really hard not to laugh while he stirred the sauce.

Danny sat down on the lounger in front of Grace that Will just left, facing her.

“I’m not mad you have a boyfriend, okay? I just don’t like it when you don’t tell me stuff”.

Grace huffed, but still wasn’t looking at him.

“You asked Grover to get Will to find out for you”.

In hindsight, that was a really dumb move since Will would have to snitch on himself.

“Yes, I did. And I’m sorry. But you never seem to tell me these things anymore, Monkey. I thought I’d find out and wait it out, I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. Okay?”

She nodded, looking down at her hands on her lap, Danny watched her as her bit her lip, breathing heavily before speaking, “I didn’t really know how to tell you. I – I normally tell mum about these things first”, she shrugged, “I told her about Apane before that whole text switch debacle we had. But since, since Charlie, I just don’t feel like telling her anything so I guess I ended up not knowing how to tell you either”, she bit her lip again and looked at him with her huge doe eyes, “I’m sorry, Danno”.

Danny smiled and extended his arms to her, she promptly switched to his beach chair and hugged his sides. Danny moved to put one arm around her shoulder and support her head with the other while he kissed her hair.

“And for the record, if you’re gonna sneak around, kissing on the lanai with me 5 feet away is not really efficient”, he had to say just to hear her gruff and whine out a “ _Dannoo”._

They stayed like that for a couple of seconds, Danny trying to hear if he was needed in the kitchen, but there was no sound of explosions or pans clattering. He looked at where Charlie and Sara were still obliviously playing in the overgrown grass, their clothes slowly turning green.

Danny pushed away to look Grace in the eyes before saying, “I meant what I said okay? You need to call mum, go there and tell her”.

Grace sniffed but nodded.

“I’m always here for you, alright?” Danny said before Samantha came through the lanai doors looking drier and Danny heard the boys being rowdy.

Six kids and one Danny. Steve owed him so much.

-

Max was leaving 5-0.

Max was leaving 5-0 and they found a guy with radiation poisoning and an empty case which should’ve been full of Uranium and the only thing going on Steve’s head as he drove home was a litany of the same words: “ _there’s a dirty bomb loose on this island and I have no idea how to find it_ ”.

Harry was gonna have a field day with this, because Steve was obviously calling him before calling the Interpol representatives he’d been dealing with for the operation. Hell, the governor was gonna have his head.

He just hoped he could still get away with leaving the CIA and FBI out of it.

Everyone had already left when Steve finally turned away from the smart table and the screens showing all the leads they ran without getting a hit on anything, so when he finally parked the truck in his driveway, there was only the Camaro there and the house was quiet.

Steve could hear the TV through the front door, and he felt himself smile involuntarily.

Nahele and Grace were fighting over the remote again, but they stopped briefly to greet him.

“Charlie’s sleeping on Nahele’s bed”, Grace informed him.

Steve looked around, the kitchen light was off, and the lanai was empty. “Where’s Danny?”, he asked.

“Well”, Nahele started, “He went up an hour ago to put Charlie down and take a shower, but he hasn’t come down yet”.

“Huh”, he said going up the stairs.

Steve found Danny sprawled on his stomach on his bed, face smushed against his pillow, breathing softly. Danny was still wearing the same shirt from that morning, but the pants were Steve’s, some grey sweats he had that shrunk in the drier and he never gave away.

“I guess six kids were a lot after all”, Steve mumbled in a tone he could only recognize as _fond_. He scratched at his chin. He needed to shave.

Steve showered quickly, trying not to make too much noise moving around his room, but Danny seemed out for the count. All of which was stupid if Steve thought about it, he needed to wake Danny so he could go to his own home.

Steve thought about Charlie and Grace and tried doing the math in his head, but he was at least one room short. When he cleared Mary’s room, he kind of just stuck everything on his own old room and the twin bed there was covered in McGarrett memorabilia.

Steve didn’t know how he found himself making plans to clear out that bedroom, because he had no real use for it, Danny barely ever stayed over, and it was even more rare for him to stay over with the kids. Steve really had no business thinking about making room for them.

And yet.

-

_A conversation in faces_

-

“Maybe you want to bring a friend over, we need the space”, Steve was saying to Nahele on Sunday.

The day before he actually got worried when he saw Danny shuffle around to the Camaro, dead on his feet, eyes trying to stay alert. Steve almost offered to drive them.

The people from Nahele’s group home were finally warming up to Steve again, and they agreed to let the kid come over for the day. Steve was trying to sell the idea of clearing out the room without making it sound he was only doing it so Danny could stay over with Grace and Charlie. Steve wasn’t doing a very good job at that.

He was also waiting for Harry to call him back and dodging the rest of Interpol’s calls.

Let’s just say he wasn’t doing a very good job at anything that Sunday.

Nahele had a mouthful of pancakes and syrup, but _he_ was doing a really good job of levelling Steve with an unimpressed look.

“Why did you clear Mary’s room before your own anyway?”, he asked.

Steve had maybe a dozen different answers for that one.

When he first got to the house, he slept in the couch for a while, hadn’t really wanted to go in the rooms that his dad left like they all still lived there. Then Mary came around and needed a place to crash while she looked for her own place, and it just made sense that he cleared hers and the master bedroom.

Or when Steve first got to the house and got tired of sleeping on the couch, he cleared out Mary’s bedroom because it was the only one it didn’t feel like it was full of ghosts, so when Mary came around Steve needed to clear another room and he didn’t know what to do with all the stuff in his room and didn’t want to just _live there_ staring at his high school paraphernalia and trophies and pictures and posters and imagining all the people he could have been having that room as a starting point, but he ended up thousands of miles away, alone and angry. So he cleared his parents’ bedroom next.

Or maybe he just hoped he’d have someone else in the house eventually and wanted them to have a space too. Mary’s room was bigger than Steve’s.

Maybe he just hoped he’d have Danny in the house from time to time and he’d bring Grace and wanted them to have a space too. Clearing Mary’s room just made sense back then, it had lilac walls and he remembered Mary when she was a kid, the easy smile like Grace, the curious eyes, like she was always playing chess inside of her head.

“It just turned out that way, I guess”, Steve answered, “We should probably do some renovations in both rooms though”.

Nahele eyes were cautious as he asked, “Why?”.

“Well, first of all, they haven’t had a good a coat of paint in twenty years, and most of the stuff in yours was Mary’s when she was like ten. We should get you things there are yours, that you like and that you might actually use”.

Steve didn’t understand why Nahele still looked guarded as he talked, but the kid was almost fidgeting in his seat.

“Nahele? Keiki, what’s wrong?”.

Nahele gulped and settled his fork down on his plate, leaning back against his chair, “I don’t want to be a bother. It’s too much work”.

Steve gulped too. Right, feelings.

“You’re not a bother, okay? You are never a bother to me. And it is going to take a lot of work, but I want you to feel at home here, because _it’s going_ to be your home. You deserve to have your own space and your own things. Okay?”, he learned to say that from the CPS certification classes. And Danny.

Nahele was looking down at his plate, a small piece of pancake left in the syrup.

Steve thought back to the day at Kamekona’s before the meeting with Yao Fat. The way Nahele’s shoulders had slumped forward and Danny had put his hand on the kid’s shoulder. So Steve scooted his chair over Nahele’s side, and mirrored Danny’s action.

“I’m not doing you a favour, okay?”, Steve said, head trying to catch Nahele’s eye to make the kid look at him, but he was dutifully looking down, “I’m not trying to be just your friend here. You said you wanted me to adopt you. That means something to me. I hope it means the same to you”.

Nahele still didn’t say anything, so Steve just kept talking, because what else was he going to do?

“I don’t want you to feel like I’m replacing your father either. You just lost him. I know how that feels, okay? And I know this is a complicated situation”, he paused. This was a complicated speech, “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I just want you to be the happiest you can be, however that may be”.

Nahele sniffed and his face twisted, and he had a nasal voice as he said, “Why do you always make me cry? I never cry like this”, he had a lightness to his voice like laughter and Steve felt himself relax.

“You can blame it on puberty if you want”, Steve offered.

Nahele nodded, making a noise between a laugh and a snort that just sounded gross and ended up making him laugh more.

-

Danny walked into Steve’s house and into a mess of empty boxes and floors full of things he never seen before.

“Every time we come over it’s getting weirder and weirder”, Grace said from behind him, peering at the mess in front of them.

They had just come from Grover’s house, coming clean about the relationship. The day before Danny was so tired, he barely said goodbye when Lou and Chin came around to pick up the kids, so he made Grace go there with him that Sunday morning. They’d summoned Will to the living room, and the teenage couple sat there as Lou made a bunch of faces, argued with Will about keeping the relationship from him, argued with Danny about the whole thing and on what to do. By the time they left, Grace was in a fowl mood, barely saying a word when Danny asked if she wanted to go to Steve’s house.

“You telling me, kid”, Danny mumbled, trying to find a living person around.

There was a loud thud from upstairs and a “Fu-gde!”, followed by Nahele’s voice saying, “You can curse if you want”.

“Steve?”, Danny called out, closing the door behind Grace, who stood with him at the bottom of the stairs.

“Danny?”, came Steve’s voice.

“We’re down here!”

“Who’s we?”.

“Just get down here and explain what the hell are you doing?”.

Danny couldn’t hear or see the way Steve huffed and rolled his eyes, but he knew it happened anyway.

“Hey, Gracie, whatya doing here?”

Danny looked up to see Steve head peering at them from the first-floor landing, Nahele’s head soon following.

“Hi, Uncle Steve. Hi, Nahele. Danno wanted to come gossip about me”, his betrayer of a daughter said.

Steve’s eyebrows went up as he stared at Grace then at Danny.

Danny huffed and rolled his eyes.

“What you guys doing up there?”, he changed the subject, surely making Grace roll her too.

Steve made a face like he was caught off guard. In Steve’s case, that face was bugged out eyes, raised eyebrows and his head leaning a bit forward on his neck. The trick between this face and his “I’m listening but I’m confused” face was the eyes, he narrowed them in a squint when he had his “I’m listening but I’m confused” face on. That face appeared when perps told them weird ass stories or when Danny said things like, “You’re right”.

Though the “I’m listening but I’m confused” face should not be confused with Steve’s “I’m listening and I’m being a smug little shit about it” face. With that face there was the squint and Steve’s mouth had a little twist upwards, halfway into a smile. Danny first noticed that face when Grace said, “He talks about you a lot too”.

Danny guessed she had always been a snitch when it came to Steve.

“We’re cleaning house a bit. Making Mary’s room officially Nahele’s, but we’re just clearing it out for now, I still have to go to the store to buy some paint and new furniture”, Steve answered, but he had an exciting glint to his eyes.

Danny looked around the mess again and back to the other two upstairs.

“Good thinking, since the house is going to be inspected by Child Services soon, right?”, Grace asked, she was examining a box full of Steve’s football trophies.

Steve’s had the “I’m listening but I’m confused” face for a split second before turning into Aneurysm face. “I didn’t even think of that”, Steve admitted coyly and Nahele snorted.

“You dope”, Danny said, then bent down to get one of the trophies in the box Grace was looking through, “Your football things were in Mary’s room?”, he asked, frowning. The trophy was in dire need of a polish. Actually, the whole living room was kind of smelling of dust. For once Danny was glad Stan came by early to pick up Charlie.

Aneurysm face appeared again. Though Nahele somehow had Steve’s “I’m listening and I’m being a smug little shit about it” face.

“No, uh, we’re clearing my old room too. In case we, you know, have guests over, like you guys – or Nahele can have some friends from school to sleep over here too”, Steve rambled quickly, like he was in a competition to see how fast he could end each sentence.

“Like _who_ guys? _We guys?_ ”, Danny asked with a scowl and gesturing wildly from himself to Grace.

“ _Yes_ , you guys”, Steve said like he was put out, but his demeanour was still coy, “I saw how you were after yesterday, you could barely keep your eyes open. If I had the rooms set up, you guys could have stayed over”, Steve answered like it was a completely normal thing for him to say. That Danny and his kids would sleep over at his house.

“If you didn’t _stuck_ me with babysitting I would have been fine. But anyway, you’re planning on buying a bunkbed for my kids? Because you’re still a room short even if by some weird parallel universe, we would actually stay over. There’s three kids and two parents”, Danny’s hands and fingers were mimicking every other word like it was the only way that Steve could understand the conversation.

Steve had the “caught off guard” face again and a shrug to go with it.

“The sleeping arrangements were still being worked on. But yeah, I could get a bunkbed, or two singles”, Steve shrugged again, as if he was making any sense.

Then Grace said, “That’s really nice, Uncle Steve. I’d love to stay over and swim first thing in the morning”.

Grace had an innocent look to her face, an innocent look that Danny knew all too well to be hers actual “I have an ulterior motive” look.

Danny had no other way to telegraph how confused by the whole situation he was other than squinting with his whole face.

Somehow, three hours later he was carrying one end of a frilly-looking study table out of Mary’s old, and Nahele’s new, room with Steve holding the other end, guiding them through the hell that was those stairs in a “L” shape.

“Sara would probably appreciate a lot of these things”, Danny said between laboured breaths, feet trying to find balance on his way down the stairs, “Though I’m pretty sure Chin bought her a whole IKEA catalogue already”.

“I’ll talk to Chin later”, Steve huffed out, face red from lifting furniture up and down the stairs all morning. Danny was tempted to ask to check his incision scar, though almost three full months after the surgery, the scar was probably just a jagged looking pink line by then, just like Danny’s.

“Do you need a break? We should probably get a start on lunch”, Danny breathed, feet finally landing on the bottom of the stairs.

And as Steve said, “Yeah, probably”, Danny knew the guy must have been exhausted.

“We’ll do lunch”, Grace offered promptly, jumping up from where she was with Nahele on the floor sorting through the McGarrett museum.

“Monkey, no offense, but you can barely make eggs”, Danny grimaced.

“And whose fault is that?”, Grace countered with a roll of her eyes.

“Stan’s and his cooks-full mansion”, Danny answered promptly too.

“You could have taught me some things already too”.

“You’re barely long enough in the kitchen for me to offer you a glass of water, even less for me to offer cooking lessons”.

Grace opened her mouth to retort, but Nahele beat her to it with, “I know how to cook! I’ll make lunch with Grace”.

Danny glared at him before turning to Steve. His face was “I’m listening but I’m confused”. Danny rolled his eyes and Steve just shrugged at him.

“Fine, try making something mildly healthy, please?”, Danny asked before shooing them to the kitchen, “And be careful around the knives!”, he called after them.

When he turned back to Steve, the other was looking at him curiously.

“What happened with Grace that you wanted to gossip about?”.

Danny’s eyebrows went up as he half scoffed, half laughed.

“Will and Grace are dating”, Danny said with a scowl, “The kids, not the show”.

Steve almost tripped over his own feet even though he just standing still.

“ _What?_ ”

“Yeah, caught the two of them kissing on the lanai yesterday on my babysitting mission”.

Steve’s face went on a journey between his SEAL face – poor Will if he thought Danny was bad enough, Grace was Steve’s little girl too, whether Danny liked it or not – and his Aneurysm face, because they liked Will, and most importantly, they trusted Lou had raised a good kid.

“Did not see that coming”.

“Your son did”.

Aneurysm face again, “ _What?_ ”, Danny was unclear if the face was because of what he said, or because he used the “s” word. Until it was official Steve seemed to be cautious about using it.

“Yup”, Danny popped the “p”, completely blowing past Steve’s internal turmoil, “The whole group chat teens knew. Apparently it started somewhere after Clay sent those Philly people and the FBI agent after Grover”.

“The group chat or the dating?”, Steve asked, face back on “I’m listening but I’m confused”.

“The dating”, Danny grimaced, he did not want to think about his daughter and _dating_ , “Sam told Will to reach out to Grace, said that Grace helped her after the whole Ian Wright kidnapping thing, which, I can’t even begin to process, so don’t go there. And it all went from there, they do attend the same school to, so I guess it was bound to happen”.

“Did you spend the whole afternoon interrogating the kids yesterday?”, Steve asked.

Danny shrugged, “Wouldn’t call it ‘ _interrogating’_ , more like asking really pointed questions”.

Steve rolled his eyes and started going back up the stairs, Danny followed as he continued talking, “ _Your_ kid”, Danny repeated, just to notice Steve’s back twitching, “Did say that if you’d asked, he would’ve told you, so at least one of them has morals”.

They went into Steve’s old room. Danny wished he had a mask, the place smelled of dusty mould. Steve went around the bed to get to the study table, Danny considered sitting on the bed to watch him rummage through the drawers underneath it but wasn’t sure about the looks of the bed sheets either.

He crouched down besides Steve, helping him take out the drawers from the table so they could carry it down with less weight.

“Have you heard from Interpol yet?”, he whispered. With Steve so close, it seemed fitting to whisper.

Steve bobbed his head from side to side, “They’re calling. I’m waiting to talk to Harry first”.

Danny placed one hand under the top drawer as Steve slid it out of its rails and asked, “Why?”.

Steve glanced flittingly at the contents of the drawer before letting Danny set it aside and they started with the second drawer down.

“I wanna have an idea of what’s the Interpol’s next move going to be before talking to them. I don’t want them swiping the case from under us because I lost the bomb and the buyer – “

“Woah, woah, woah”, Danny interrupted him, one hand beneath the second drawer and the other placating Steve, “ _You_ lost them? _You?_ I said this once and I’ll say again: we are a _task force_. Emphasis on _force_. It’s not task _Steve_ , one because it would be a dumb name, second because you’re not doing this job alone, third, because you’re an idiot and would’ve blown up half the island by now, fourth, the team is more than capable of – what? What’s with the face?”

Danny wasn’t really acquainted with that particular face of Steve, which was unnerving in itself. It had this soft look to it, the worry lines that coloured Steve’s face half the time were soothed, his eyes were half lidded and his mouth – why was Danny looking at his mouth? They were really close together, it was impossible to disguise it – was halfway into a smile.

Steve turned his body to face Danny and his heart was hammering in his chest.

“Danny – “, and the most awful sound in the world interrupted them. Steve’s phone started ringing somewhere in the house, probably in Nahele’s new torn up room. Steve visibly winced, “I gotta take this, it’s probably Harry”, he said before getting up and leaving Danny crouching with a drawer in his hands and a drawer beside him, full of things and knick-knacks that had mattered to Steve once, Steve’s childhood things surrounding him.

He was sure that moment meant something too.

-

Steve didn’t really know what he was about to do before Harry’s call interrupted him, but then he had an earful of a posh British accent telling him that Interpol had its own problems now and would probably barely bat an eye at the fact there was missing uranium on American soil.

“I am still being briefed, but it seems the CIA is being brought into the operation, _separate_ from what guys are dealing with there, with other US military operatives. Joe White has been contacted, I thought I ought to let you know”.

“Joe?”

Steve was sitting at his and Danny’s chair near the water on the lanai, his bare feet digging in the sand.

“Their first choice was your mother actually, but, well, I’m sure you are aware of her predicament at the moment”.

Steve didn’t want to ask, but he did anyway, “What about agent Rollins? Catherine Rollins”.

There was a pause, “Oh yes, I know of her. I don’t believe she’s being brought in, she has her own assignments”.

Steve sighed. Harry kept talking, “This scheme we stumbled on your little island seems to be a lot bigger than we anticipated”.

“What do you mean?”, Steve asked, leaning forward on the chair, the tide from the ocean was rising, every other wave crashing in the sand getting closer to his toes buried in the sand.

“There’s a big player in southeast Asia, they keep moving around Cambodia and China and sometimes east Europe, we’re actually chasing our tales a bit after them, we barely have a name, much less a description, we know they were connected to the Yakuza for a while, but they are orchestrating a lot of big moves lately”.

Steve felt an awful sense of deja-vu.

“Do you think it’s worth it doubling our resources to find Michelle Shioma, the head of the Yakuza on the island?”

Harry hummed and took his time answering. Steve felt the ocean catch up to him and wet his feet. The salty wind was making his eyes feel too dry.

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt”, Harry eventually said, “In the least she could have an idea on who this person is”.

Steve nodded, even though the other couldn’t see it.

“As much as I enjoy talking shop, Steve, I gotta run. Send detective Williams and your team my love”, Harry said before hanging up after Steve could barely get a “goodbye” in.

“Steve!”, Steve heard Danny yell out from behind him, “Lunch’s ready”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song Body, by SYML
> 
> This chapter is set around 7x11 - without the whole Sara kidnapping thing - and 7x12, but you see I took the plot from 7x08 of Danny finding out about Will and Grace. I really loved that episode, but I couldn't make that story fit within this fic without it seeming out of place, so in this universe Danny finds out differently.  
> Pretty sure we're on the ** halfway ** mark of the first part of this fic, if I mapped it right, this first bit is going to have 13 chapters - and most of it's done! I'm still plotting the second part to have a good idea of the actual chapter count for all this though. When I said in the tags this was a slow burn, it really is guys, bare with me 
> 
> but i hope you guys are enjoying everything so far, thanks for the kudos and comments! its my only dopamine source right now!


	7. This is us colliding

-

_If November was ending like this, Danny wanted the apocalypse to come early_

-

Steve. 7h14a.m.: did you talk to Kamekona about Max’s farewell party?

Danny looked away from his phone for a second and into his almost empty coffee mug. He needed one more before driving Grace to school. The night before had been a tough one. He woke Grace up with his tossing and turning and mumbling names under his breath. _Marco Reyes, Matty, Steve, Grace_ and _Charlie_ , and then definitely scared her screaming things like, _please not him,_ or _please stop_.

Danny. 7h17a.m.: yup

He’s setting everything up with minimum cost

Which means it’s costing a lot

Steve sent back a dollar emoji and Danny found himself chuckling.

“Morning”, he heard Grace say as she entered the kitchen.

Danny turned to her and tried for a wider smile, but she was too smart already and her eyes were worried. Danny sighed, “I’m fine, Monkey”, he said, extending his arm to her and she tucked herself underneath it.

He heard her sniff and mumble, “Are you still seeing the therapist with Uncle Steve?”, catching Danny completed off guard.

“What? Yeah, every year for HPD. We’re going sometime this month or the next”, Danny answered, frowning.

Grace nodded slowly, “Can you talk to her about it?”.

Danny winced, “Monkey, I – ”, he started, but she turned her head to look up at him with big brown eyes just like her mother and said the most damning words she could say:

“For me, Danno? Please?”.

So Danny had no choice but to agree.

He and Grace had been on a week-long negotiation to get her to talk to Rachel about Will and spend some proper time together, but with what happened the night before, Grace was worried. Danny knew she worried, she was a Williams through and through, but Danny didn’t want to give her one more reason to. So he agreed to bring it up in therapy if she went to Rachel and Stan’s the next day, a Saturday.

Grace grumbled and shuffled on her feet for a beat before agreeing but was adamant she did not spend the night. Danny couldn’t wait for the Rachel phone call that was going to certainly happen right after.

Like so many days, Danny got in the office early and Steve was already there on the phone. His shoulders were tense all the up to his ears, his back was in a battle between hunching forward or being as straight as someone else other than Danny. He had a frown so deep it was mixing into desperation.

Whatever that phone call was, it was bad.

Danny was halfway into his office when there was a loud crash and his head whipped around to see Steve frowning hard at some spot on the floor, bawled fists to his sides. Danny ran to Steve’s office in a blink of an eye.

“What happened?”, he asked weary. Steve’s whole posture seemed like a ticking time bomb.

-

Mr. Asano’s voice kept ringing in his ears.

“ _I’m sorry, Commander, but Child Services are reviewing your case.”_ , he had said.

Steve could feel his knees wobble as he paced around his office. He could barely find his voice to ask why. He knew why.

“ _Even if you do get your certification in next two months like you were planning, there’s no guarantee you can continue the process or that your petition to adopt will go through”_.

Steve felt like punching something, but he had no one to blame for this but himself and what wearing that damn badge meant for his life.

“ _Is there anything I can do?_ ”, he had asked, he _begged_.

“ _Sit tight, don’t travel away for work, try not to take a case that’s too dangerous for a while, and maybe find someone who can be granted temporary guardianship of Mister Huikala in these situations that can be available at your court hearing and meetings with Child Services here on out”_

Of course, Steve couldn’t commit to any of that, he had a bomb and a Yakuza boss to find somewhere on the island, and the only person he could think of that could have guardianship of Nahele was Mary, who lived on the mainland.

So when his lawyer hung up, Steve only move was to reach for the badge on his belt and throw it across the room and into one of his shelves, scattering a lot of his models to the ground. Steve just stood there, staring at the mess he made.

Until –

“What happened?”, Danny’s voice came from behind him.

Steve couldn’t find his voice. All anger left him in one fell swoop, leaving him hollowed out, a quiet desperation trying to gnaw its way up.

“Steve?”, Danny tried it again, and Steve could hear his footsteps coming closer, “ _Steve?_ ”.

Danny’s hand touched his arm and then he was right in front of him, blue eyes looking up at him with worry, his other hand held on to Steve’s other arm.

Steve leaned forward until his forehead touched Danny’s shoulder, but his arms seemed glued to his sides. Danny had a sudden intake of breath, the hands on his arms tightened their grip.

“That was my lawyer. Nahele’s adoption is being delayed because of the ‘ _inconsistency of the job’_ ”, he mumble into Danny’s shirt.

Danny’s hands started to rub at his arms, up and down, up and down.

“I’m sorry”, Danny said in his ear.

“I can’t fail him. He doesn’t deserve to be passed around the system like he doesn’t belong anywhere. _He’s my son, Danny_ ”, Steve’s strained, “I know I wasn’t letting myself think it until it was official, but he is. And I can’t let him down, not with this”

Danny’s hands went from his arms to his back, one going up to his neck, holding it tightly against his stressed muscles there. Steve melted into him.

“You’re not going to let him down”, Danny said, like it was certain, “I know you’ll do whatever it takes”.

Steve took a deep breath, “Asano said I needed to lay low for a while. Which is impossible with a bomb somewhere on the island and Michelle Shioma still unaccounted for”, Steve let out a dry laugh. He wanted to scream.

“What can I do?”, Danny asked, because he was Danny, and he didn’t know any other way to be.

“Unless you can find a way for Mary to move back to Hawaii, I don’t know”.

“ _Mary?_ ”, Steve could feel more than hear the frown on Danny’s face.

Steve’s forehead was probably making wrinkles on Danny’s shoulder and shirt.

“He said I needed to appoint someone as Nahele’s temporary guardian and that could go to court and go to the CPS things”.

Danny hummed, “Do they need to get certified too?”.

Steve shook his head, rubbing his forehead against Danny’s collarbone.

“Don’t know yet”, he answered.

Danny hummed again.

Steve breathed in, breathed out. He started to lift his head, worried the team might start coming through the office’s door.

“I could do it”, Danny said then.

Steve’s head snapped back so fast he heard his neck crack and he winced before staring at Danny with wide eyes. Danny’s hands fell from him as he put them in his pockets.

“ _What?_ ”, Steve had to ask, because surely, he didn’t hear it right.

Danny shrugged, head tilting up to him.

“If you want, I could be Nahele’s temporary guardian”.

Steve’s eyes narrowed as he frowned, trying to work it out in his head.

“What if you have to get certified to? Or, you know, you always travelling for cases too!”, Steve was saying every problem he could think of. Danny was offering too much, Steve could never repay him for this. Actually, Steve had been in debt to that man for years, ever since he was in the back of a truck in North Korea and Danny’s head poked its way through the tarp and he yelled, “I got Steve!”.

But Danny just shrugged again, “Then I’ll get certified too. And I’m not always travelling with you. I didn’t go to Yao Fat’s meeting, or Doris’. I only ever go to Jersey, and I’d never go when you’re out of town anyway”.

Steve wanted nothing else but to say yes.

“I can’t ask this of you”, he said, but Danny only smiled.

“You’re not asking, I’m offering. It’s up to you really”.

“ _Danny_ ”, Steve didn’t know what else to say.

Of course, he didn’t have to say anything else, as Lou entered the office and gestured hurriedly for them to follow him.

“It’s probably about that Police Expo”, Danny mumbled, still looking at the office’s doors where Lou was waiting, “I have to meet Chin, you and Lou gotta go to Duke’s briefing at HPD”.

“Yeah”, Steve was still staring at Danny.

“C’mon”, Danny said, looking back at him then going to the door and out of his office.

Steve felt a tug somewhere around his incision scar as he followed Danny’s back, like Danny was the shore and Steve was the waves, crashing into him over and over again.

-

Of course that the day Steve’s lawyer said he should avoid dangerous cases was the day an explosion blew up half an office building in Honolulu.

Of course.

He wondered if there was anyway CPS wouldn’t know Five-0 was running point on the case.

But after exhausting themselves searching through TV footage and autopsy reports and phone records, one stand still and a 2-murder weapon later, they closed the case.

And he really wanted to be excited and in a good mood for Max’s farewell party, the guy deserved it, but all he could think about was having to face Nahele and tell him about the delay in the adoption.

The sun was starting to set by the time he parked besides Kamekona’s shrimp truck. The man in question was sitting in one of the picnic tables while ordering Flippa and Nahele around with assembling a small platform with wood blocks and 4 wooden beams vertically in each corner, the other workers were setting up the tables and decorations.

“Shouldn’t you hire people to do that?”, Steve asked standing beside Kamekona, pointing at the almost finished small stage.

Kamekona knit his eyebrows together as he shook his head, “Nah, got my best guys on it”.

Steve shook his head too, a hand on Kamekona’s shoulder, “Don’t think I won’t hunt you down if the kid gets hurt”, he said and Kamekona waved his hands at him.

Steve’s stomach was somewhere near the sand when he called out Nahele and the kid turned to him with a bright smile. He gestured for Nahele to come over and walked away a few steps from the truck and the people working.

“Hey, what’s up?”, Nahele said stopping right in front of him, still smiling.

Then he seemed to take a good look at Steve, and he was probably picking up on Steve’s “faces” as Danny put it, because his smile fell, and Steve felt like kicking himself.

“What’s wrong?”, Nahele asked frowning.

Steve sighed, hanging his head low for a few seconds before looking to the kid again. He put a hand on Nahele’s shoulder and Nahele pressed his lips together, like he was bracing himself.

“The adoption is being delayed”, he just came out with it in one breath, Nahele’s face was a mixture of sadness and shock, “The social workers involved in your case… they don’t think I have a stable routine, which I guess is true anyway, but what it means is this won’t take the four months we were planning on, it’ll probably be at least a couple more”.

Nahele was quiet for a long time, looking anywhere but Steve, breathing deeply.

“What now?”, he finally asked.

Steve breathed deeply too.

“Nothing has to change yet. We’ll work on fixing up the rooms this weekend, though the home inspection will probably be long ways from now, I’ll still get my certification and go to the classes for the next couple of months like it was planned. You don’t have to worry about doing anything, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong”, he said, sensing that the kid probably had the McGarrett gene of blaming himself, whether he was biologically a McGarrett or not, “We’ll talk about it more later, okay?”.

Nahele nodded dimly and Steve just pulled him closer for a tight hug, he didn’t know exactly if the hug was for Nahele or himself, but he barely cared either way.

“I’m really sorry, okay?”, he said into Nahele’s hair and he felt Nahele nod against him.

Steve found there was very little he wouldn’t do to have immunity and means on this, just so he could keep this kid – _his_ kid – happy.

After a while, Steve took over helping Flippa with the stage, he’d have to go home and shower again, but at least he wasn’t going to give himself a heart attack watching Nahele stand too close to Flippa holding a hammer.

By the time Steve went home to shower, dropped Nahele at the group home and picked him up again, the sun had completely set and the everyone was already at the beach. The night was warm, and the string of lights set around the small stage made everything else glow.

Flippa was on the platform with his ukulele, Chin had Sara on one hand and Charlie on the other, the three of them spinning in a circle, the kids jumping up and down, in lieu of dancing, Abby smiling softly at them. Grace was sitting in one of the picnic tables, glancing at Flippa and then at her phone, Danny was talking to Kono, Adam and Jerry on another table, trying not to get caught checking in on Grace. Lou was off with Mamo, Duke and Noelani, probably telling some Chicago story. Max was talking with Kamekona, Sabrina beside them, Kamekona looked more confused than anything and Sabrina looked overtly fond.

And for a moment, Steve felt warm.

Nahele made a beeline for Grace, Steve greeted everyone else.

Then, a small wobbly figure approached the gathering and Steve went on alert before recognizing who it was.

“Frank?”, he called out.

Frank Bama waved a hand in response, he smiled and stopped in front of Steve, shaking his hand as excitedly as ever. He looked the same as always, cargo camo shorts, camo vest, t-shirt and slippahs, white hair in disarray on top of his head, wrinkles around his eyes from smiling to much when he probably shouldn’t.

“Hey, kid”, Frank said and let go of Steve’s hand to look around the gathering, smile slowly disappearing as his eyes made their way back to Steve.

“What are you doing here?”, Steve asked, something like fear spreading ice over the warmth he felt only seconds ago.

Frank motioned for them to walk and Steve wanted to say no, but he couldn’t, so he followed Frank away from the party.

“Officially, I’m currently enjoying some well-deserved R&R after a warlord almost chopped my head off”, Frank started, his tone never giving any sign of seriousness, “Extra-officially? Joe contacted me”, Steve was sure his stomach was just left behind two and half steps ago, “Your case with the agencies, it’s getting a lot of attention, specially after Doris’ arrest and that Uranium going missing”

“How the hell do you know any of that?”, Steve interrupted, almost pausing mid-step, but Frank just shook his head and kept walking as he shrugged with exaggeration.

“How does anyone know anything?”, he said, hands gesture strikingly like Danny’s, “What’s important is, Joe sent me to tell you to be careful. More careful than you ever been in your life, kid. Not just because of the kid you’re trying to adopt”, Steve’s brain was struggling to keep up, he felt like the frown on his face was going to get stuck there, “He told me to tell you that a lot of people are going to die on this one, and that is no coincidence that Hawaii seems to be getting a lot of the attention of whoever this is, so you better be prepared”.

Steve felt torn between screaming into the night in frustration and starting to set up a fall-out bunker somewhere deep in the forest’s reserves around Honolulu.

Frank stopped walking and turned to Steve, smile still in place, though it looked like it wore on him.

“Joe can’t expect me to just sit tight when he doesn’t tell me any specifics”, Steve protested, head and voice low.

“Of course he doesn’t expect that, kid, he knows you too well. I believe his exact words were, ‘ _try convincing him that although he’s a bullheaded SEAL, he’s not bulletproof’_. He said _hooya_ and all that, and that he’ll see you when this is all over”.

Steve’s frowned harder.

“He’ll see me?”.

Frank’s smile turned to an understanding one.

“We’re getting old, kid”, Frank said with a raise of his eyebrows and laughter in his voice, “This might be Joe’s last one for a while. He said he wanted to meet this kid of yours properly”.

Steve’s chest tightened. Frank opened his arms and they clapped each other on their backs before stepping away and Frank started to walk again, but Steve made no move to follow. Frank walked backwards for a while as he said, “If you ever need to get somewhere _extra-officially_ again, give me a call, kid, I might even ask my daughter to drive you guys around. And give my best to that detective of yours and the rest of your team”.

With that he turned his back to Steve and walked wobbly towards downtown Honolulu, the lampposts’ lights guiding him until Frank disappeared in the flow of people.

Steve stood there on the sidewalk, the ocean doing its usual song and dance, rising and falling.

-

Danny had been working himself up to a nice buzz, the doctors had him and his liver cleared a while back – though Steve still had at least a couple more months to go before he could even think about it – but it had been a while since the team had a big gathering like that the excused him having more than just one lonely beer sometimes after work, so he had been enjoying himself.

It all stopped when his eyes followed Steve disappear with Frank Bama. It was like his buzz completely disappeared and he had sobered up from a splash of cold water to his face. He looked back at the party and found Nahele and Grace looking back at him with worry.

He sighed, exchanging a look with Chin and Kono before getting up.

“What’s going on, Danno?”, Grace asked as soon as he got near the two kids.

Danny sat down besides Nahele on the bench, elbows on his knees so he could look at both kids.

“I’m not sure. That was Frank Bama, one of Joe White’s old buddies, he was a friend of Steve’s father too”.

Grace nodded but Nahele still seemed uncertain and confused.

“Joe’s one of Steve friends that helped you come back from Columbia, right?”, Grace asked, hands twisting at the skirt of her dress.

Danny gulped, “Yeah, Frank helped too”.

They both nodded then.

“Why – I mean, what does he want with Steve?”, Nahele asked, still staring at the spot Steve had been just a few seconds ago.

Danny shook his head, because with those guys could be anything from crashing on Steve’s couch, to going after some crazy warlord somewhere on the other side of the world.

“I don’t know”, Danny admitted, “But don’t worry, okay? Steve is under strict orders to provide you with some stability”, Danny put one hand over Nahele’s shoulder, “And I know he won’t do anything that will get in the way of that”.

Nahele nodded, probably because he thought it was what he was supposed to do, not because his worries were actually soothed.

“Where’s Commander McGarrett?”, Max appeared in front of them, frowning slightly as he looked around.

“He needed to deal with someone, Max, I’m sure he’ll be back soon”, Danny only half believed in his words, and by the looks of it, so did everyone else.

Flippa eventually left the stage and Sabrina went over to the sound system he had set up to put on some music on her phone.

“Max’s a great dancer”, she told everyone bashfully as the song picked up.

Chin was tired of spinning around with the kids, looking a little green around the edges, Abby laughing, more _at_ him than _with_ him, and Mamo volunteered to keep them entertained for a little while, which Danny was more than happy to concede, mind still busy worrying about Steve and whatever it was Frank came for.

“Ah, before everyone starts with the festivities”, Max said loudly over the music, placating Kono who was already half out of her seat, Adam’s arm around hers to start dancing, Grace was already by their side, probably remembering the wedding. Kono and Grace broke both of Kono’s heels that day because Kono kept insisting she could do all of Grace’s cheer moves on her wedding dress and somehow they ended up on dance fight with Max by the end of the night. “I want to say a few things”.

They all quieted down, and the music was paused.

Max went up on the little wooden platform they had for the stage, clearly nervous, Danny didn’t think he ever saw Max talking in front of that many people.

And he talked about the M.E.’s office and that Noelani would be taking over, and Danny had one arm around Nahele’s shoulder, the boy was clearly tense, the other one on where his holster would be. He eyes were getting tired of staring at the same three spots over and over again. Max, Grace, and where Steve disappeared through with Frank. Max, Grace, the empty spot. Max, Grace, the empty spot, and back again.

Danny remembered dancing with Steve at Kono’s wedding. The both of them fighting over who got to lead and making everybody laugh. But Danny remembered the feel of it all, Steve’s hand in his, their hands going from waist to shoulder depending on who got to lead for the next song or two.

But Steve had been completely head over heels with Catherine then, probably already thinking about proposing to her – He guessed it was the wedding goggles, the flowers and the songs, the drinking and the laughing, the promises of never being alone again. Danny himself was one year into his thing with Melissa, though the fact he barely cared that she couldn’t come should’ve been a bigger warning sign for him.

But Danny had felt it, the way his breath came out easier, how his smile only dimmed so he could pretend to argue with Steve about some inane subject while they spun around and shuffled their feet together.

“Da – Steve!”, Nahele exclaimed suddenly, loud enough that Danny caught the almost “dad” call before Nahele caught it himself, but low enough no one else seemed to hear it. Danny’s head went from the motions of staring at Grace and then to Max, to going from Grace straight to where Steve just appeared from behind the tree lines in front of the sidewalk he had previously disappeared into.

Steve made his way to them, waving at the other people staring between him and Max, Danny threw him a look like “ _what’s up?_ ”, and Steve answered back with another look like _“I’ll tell you later”_ , and Danny rolled his eyes, and Steve sat down on the other side of Nahele, whose shoulders’ finally dropped.

“Ah, Commander McGarrett”, Max said from the stage, smiling his usual way, “I _was_ trying to stall my speech in hopes you’d come back”, he said, and everyone smiled. Max kept smiling but there was a sadness to it now that suddenly transported Danny back to New Jersey eight years ago, how he said goodbye to everyone he’d ever known, he drank with Matty and Stella and his Newark PD partner back then until the bar closed down, and he tried really hard not to cry, his captain came around somewhere during the festivities to send him off, and then Danny got to Hawaii and felt the most alone he ever had in his whole life.

Danny looked back to Sabrina, sitting in front of Max with a soft smile on her face, love pouring out of her as Max took a deep breath to say whatever he needed to say, and Danny breathed out easily. Max wasn’t alone, and he wasn’t going because he was forced to. He had a lovely girlfriend, and they made the choice together to go help people where they were needed.

“What I’ll miss the most is – is my adopted family, and by that I mean… you.”, then Max did the most terrifying thing he could do when he said, “Commander McGarrett”, and Danny knew he was going to talk about each and everyone of them individually and Danny was sure someone was going to cry – probably Lou – and Danny knocked his thoughts around trying to imagine what on earth Max could possibly want to say to him aside to complain about all the jokes he had made over the years, “Steve, I know you said you were proud of me, when I told you about the move, but I feel like I have to say the same about you. I am very proud of the family you have created with Five-0 and the family you are starting by adopting Nahele. As an adopted child myself, I can’t really say how much it all means to me.”, Danny glanced sideways to Steve, because Max was clearly getting misty eyed, and Steve had this unsteady smile on his face, one hand squeezing Nahele’s shoulder tightly, the kid himself was shyly ducking his head, a redness to his cheeks, “And the same goes to you, Lt. Kelly. No one understands the meaning of Ohana more than you. You and Detective Dunn have my utmost respect for giving little Sara a home, for fighting for her as you did”, Abby let out a wet laugh and rubbed at her eyes as Chin’s jaw clenched the way it did when Chin was feeling overwhelmed.

“Mahalo, Max”, they said in unison with their own shaky smiles.

Max looked to Lou next, and Danny could already hear Lou’s intake of breath, “Captain Grover…”

“Just call me Lou, man”, Lou said, shaking his head down, already sniffing around a laugh.

Max smiled a little wider with a nod. Danny half-heard him talking about Lou’s laugh and the way he changed them all, then he talked about Kono and Adam, and Kono in an attempt not to cry, ended up snorting loudly and that set a whole bunch of laughs.

Danny leaned a bit with his back against the picnic table, one hand bracing himself on it, the other on his lap, and as he looked sideways, he caught Steve’s eyes on him behind Nahele’s head.

Danny had no idea what Steve’s eyes were telling him then. The whole thing was making Danny forget to worry about what the hell Frank Bama had come for, making him kind of giddy and then –

“Detective Williams, this might be a surprise to you, but I’ve always considered you something of a role model”.

And Steve’s face of “I’m listening but I’m confused” made its way into Danny’s as he processed that, “That does – that does surprise me”, he couldn’t help but say as he laughed and made everyone laugh too.

“Surprises us all, Max, but go on”, Steve teased loudly, smiling wide.

And Max talked about Danny’s sarcasm and little quips, and Danny was fine, he wasn’t going to get emotional over that. Then –

“But the way you are always fighting for your family, from coming to Hawaii for your daughter Grace, to every decision you make it’s always to try to keep your family together, _our_ Five-0 family together, and for that I’ll always be grateful to you, the last seven years would not have been the same”.

Danny’s throat itched and his eyes stung, and Nahele leaned over to him with a sideways smile and tease, “You can cry if you want, Danny”.

Danny snorted much like Kono just had done and Nahele laughed as everyone else did too.

Max spent a good ten minutes waxing poetry about Sabrina, then she finally got her dance as he finished talking and she put her music back on.

Kono got up with Adam and Grace, Noelani following them eagerly, Charlie and Sara seemed ready to spin some more and Chin grimaced, and Nahele stepped in, being led by the two kids in an endless circle of jumps. Duke and Mamo were trying to show Chin how to woo Abby with true Hawaiian dance moves, and the couple were getting redder and redder.

Steve scooted over on the bench until their shoulders were touching.

“You don’t have to dance with me tonight”, he said leaning into Danny’s space.

Danny wanted to be annoyed at the weird line, but he was on his way to being giddy, so he only smiled wider.

Then he thought he could be a little annoyed, even though he was smiling the whole time, “What kind of reverse psychology is that, huh? You want to dance with me, then just ask me to dance”.

Steve got up, extending his hand to Danny with exaggeration. Danny huffed and moved past the hand, going straight to where everyone else was dancing.

Steve walked to him, hands in his pocket and easy smile on his face. Danny still saw it though, whatever it was Frank came to talk to him about, it sat tense on Steve’s shoulders, cast a shadow on his eyes.

Steve made to put one hand around Danny’s waist, and his first instinct was to fight it, like they would usually do, but he put the other hand on Steve’s, and he let himself be led slowly if not clumsily. Neither of them were great dancers to begin with.

“You know, I think Max is right”, Steve begun, Danny looked up to him, but Steve was staring straight ahead, “Without you here, none of this would’ve happened. There wouldn’t be a Five-0, nothing.”, Steve leaned his head down, even though he was still staring ahead, and his cheek brushed against the side of Danny’s head. “I mean that, Danno. I only stayed in Hawaii, working my father’s case, because of you. Well, to spite you more than anything, but we were in the garage, screaming at each other, and _I swear to god_ , I _knew_ , I just knew that it didn’t matter what I said, whatever spin I put on it, you wouldn’t let me do whatever I wanted. And, well, the fact that I already had one foot out the door with the Navy after Freddy died. So I started the task force and after that everything started to fall into place”, Steve paused. Danny remembered their dance at Kono’s wedding. It was nothing like this one. They were chest to chest, hand in hand, Steve beard was scratching at Danny’s temple. “The last seven years, everything I have, it’s because of you, Danno”.

Danny let out a small laugh, tightening his grip on Steve’s hand. He could barely breathe, his heart was thudding against his lungs.

“I hated you so much”, he said, “I just wanted to do my job and you just waltzed into my crime scene like a jackass”

Steve chuckled too, the hot air he breathed out warm on Danny’s ear.

And Danny thought about how desperate he felt when Bridget came, about having feelings for Steve. But there, dancing with him, offering to be Nahele’s guardian if he needed to, spending the weekends together with their kids, he thought that maybe it was enough. Maybe he didn’t need to squash his feelings for Steve, and maybe he didn’t need to completely understand what was happening between them, if anything was happening at all.

Then –

Then Steve’s tightened his grip too and pushed his head back, looking down at Danny, piercing eyes staring at him.

“Joe sent Frank here to warn me”, Steve whispered, his face so close to Danny’s he could feel Steve’s breath as he spoke.

Danny stopped dancing and Nahele and the jumping kids almost ran right into them, Steve pulled at his waist and hand and guided them out of the dance, out of the party and into the fray of covert missions, cryptic messages, spies and Joe White.

-

Steve heard Max say, “ _The last seven years would not have been the same_ ” and it all came to him in a flood. Freddy died, Steve got Anton Hesse, his father died, Victor Hesse was on the island, Steve went to Oahu, Jameson offered him a task force, and he almost laughed at the idea. Leaving the Navy to be local law enforcement in the place his world first crashed and burned.

Then he got to the house, no forensics team there, no HPD, no one there to take care of his father’s house and he felt anger surge up. He was in the garage, listening to that tape recorder, listening to his father talking about not trusting the other cops at HPD, and his resolve started to settle. Steve was going to call his C.O., get the Navy jurisdiction over the case because of the connection with Hesse. He was going to find Victor Hesse and then get the hell away from this island.

Then Danny Williams crashed into his life.

And he wouldn’t let Steve leave with his father’s toolbox, when Steve knew, had dealt with, other cops who would probably take a look at him, his rank, the fact he just lost his father, and make an exception. Just this once. It was only a toolbox after all. Danny screamed in his face instead. Danny took one look at him and saw right through everything. Right through the _tough guy_ act. Right through the importance of the toolbox. Right through Steve.

And Steve had his father’s toolbox in one hand, Danny glaring right in front him, and Freddy’s death behind him, weighing at his back, and he thought about Chin Ho-Kelly and the fact that his father was Chin’s training officer and friend for years and if anyone knew what his father had been working on, it would be Chin.

And he stared at Danny Williams, puffy blond hair on top of his head, blue droopy eyes and a loudmouth and the fact that it seemed like half of the police department hated him, judging by the ghost town that was his father’s crime scene.

_“Leave the box or get arrested”_ , Danny had said.

Steve wanted to say, _“I’d like to see you try”_ , but it looked like the guy might actually try if he said it.

And Steve half resolve from before completely dissolved. He found himself planning a completely different call to his Commanding Officer, one to transfer him into the reserves. But first he needed to get Detective Danny Williams to let him leave with the toolbox.

So he started Five-0.

And he looked around Max’s party, and the boy he was about to adopt, and Chin and Abby, Kono and Adam, smiling at each other disgustingly in love and the fact that Danny Williams was the catalyst for all that.

And then Joe’s warning, _“A lot of people are going to die on this one”_.

Steve knew Joe. He’d known the man for most of his life. He knew what that line meant: _“A lot of people_ you care about _are going to die on this one”_.

And the thought of it all almost choked him. The thought about Danny, their kids, their lives, their halfway relationship.

So Steve danced with Danny, closer than he normally would, and tried telling him just how important he was, truly, before sharing Joe’s warning.

A week passed and since then they focused on either finding Michelle Shioma or the missing Uranium, with no luck either way.

Steve considered trying to get in contact with Joe, but deep down he knew it was useless. Joe was only found when he wanted to be. He considered trying to get his mother to share some of the intelligence she gathered through the years that could help them, but that meant another trip to the mainland. He could maybe get away with a couple phone calls a month to the prison if he pulled rank, his mother was still a high value target to the CIA, but he didn’t want to get on their bad sides just yet. Reaching out to Mary was out of the question, she said Joan would be in college before she even considered visiting Doris.

Steve hated not running down every lead, every possibility at a lead, but the thought of having Nahele’s adoption completely thrown out because of the case was enough for him to stay put and work on what he could from there.

That was when the last game of the high school football season came. At the worst possible moment. It was the last Friday of November, and he and Danny barely had a minute to catch their breaths, even after work when they brought each other’s kids from school to each other’s houses, they let the teens do homework on the living room and went to the lanai at Steve’s house or the kitchen at Danny’s to discuss the case or the adoption and what it meant for Danny to be declared a temporary guardian.

Kukui High was in the finals and Nahele was a ball of nerves, the whole Five-0 family made a point in going to the game, they almost occupied a whole roll in the bleachers.

Steve had had two very stressful phone calls that morning. One with Interpol, the other with his and Danny’s therapist’s assistant.

Their HPD mandated annual therapy session completely snuck up on him, so when the assistant called to confirm their usual session two weeks from then, Steve wanted to laugh and say he barely had time that morning for his _three minute shower_ , so he wouldn’t have time for an hour of sitting around talking about his and Danny’s work partnership.

They were _fine_. They argued and disagreed, but they also talked and made each other laugh, and cared for each other’s kids, and seemed to be working their way into being more than a work partnership when Steve mustered up the guts to do something about it. Not that they had ever really been only a work partnership.

He still tried getting a later date, maybe January, but the assistant was adamant that Dr. Carlin had the first few weeks of December specially blocked out for HPD mandated sessions. Steve even pulled out his Governor’s task force card, which got him the terrifying answer of: _“Sir, if you want to meddle with Dr. Carlin’s appointment schedule, you better send the Governor herself to do it”._

So Steve caved and hoped they didn’t catch a serious case that week, because he might have to bring the therapist on a ride along to do the appointment.

With all that, he barely registered when Nahele’s game started until Danny and Grace jumped at one side of him, the rest of team on the other, as Kukui's team entered the field.

The game was not a good one. Nahele was tackled – three times – but seemed to shake it off as soon as he got up again. Steve still was on the edge of his seat every time and was very close to taking him to be checked at Queen’s Medical after the game, and by the last quarter Kukui was trailing and didn’t seem to create enough momentum to turn the game.

The ref blew the whistle and Steve watched Nahele’s head hang low.

He remembered that feeling, back when he roamed those same halls of Kukui High, back when he didn’t know his father was watching, how he could barely look anyone in the eye afterwards, and his teammates would sigh and pat each other on the back with a murmured, _“good game”_.

Steve hated every second of it until he was back home and could wallow in peace in his bedroom.

“You better have a speech prepared, babe”, Danny leaned into him to say as Kukui cleared the field and the other team celebrated with rowdiness.

He didn’t. If Nahele was anything like him, he’d hate a feel-good speech. So he had cleared with the social workers – a week in advance, whether Nahele had won or lost – to drop off Nahele a bit later after the game.

They went home and the whole team was rowdy enough that it seemed to distract the kid for a couple of hours while Steve grilled some meat and Danny talked his ear off by his side. He would kill for a beer then but settled for some orange juice Renee had made.

When he dropped off Nahele on the group home, the social worker waiting by the door, he ruffled the kid’s curl just to see him squirm a bit and said, “Hey, second place is still better than no place at all, okay?

Nahele breathed heavily and nodded, “It’s my second season with the team and first time as a starting player, I just kinda wished it had been different”.

“I know, I’m sorry”.

And Nahele said, “Yeah, thanks, da – uh, thanks, Steve”, which made Steve think he just went into cardiac arrest for a full minute. Nahele cleared his throat and got out of the car, Steve barely registered as he said goodnight and waited for the kid to go inside the house.

The almost _dad_ seemed to be taunting him, with his adoption case up in the air, but right then and there, Steve just wanted everything to be over with, finalized and _okay_.

-

Steve was convinced November was never going to end. He felt like he’d been there for at least six months, looking through ship logs from known associates of Michelle Shioma that made no sense, carding through his CPS classes materials every time his eyes got tired of staring at timetables.

Chin and Lou were supposed to come in that afternoon after spending the whole morning dealing with Pearl-Hickam, Kono and Danny were running down a lead on the missing uranium. The office was eerily quiet, Steve almost considered going down to Jerry’s bunker to pick on his brain a bit.

He was about to call his lawyer for the hundredth time that week about an update on Nahele’s case, when Chin and Lou came through the office’s doors, brown greasy bag in Chin’s hands, three cups of coffee on Lou’s.

They made their way into his office and before Steve even knew what was happening, Lou put a coffee in one of his hands, Chin put a malasada on the other.

“Hey… guys?”, he mumbled looking from one hand to the other.

Chin put the malasada bag on his desk, and Lou put the remaining two coffees beside it.

“What’s going on between you and Danny?”, Lou asked bluntly, towering over Steve’s desk.

Steve leaned back against his chair, Chin raised his eyebrows at him, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Steve was reminded of the rendition room all of a sudden.

Steve looked back between the two men trying to be menacing and seeped at his coffee.

“What do you mean?”, he asked.

If he were Grace, he’d probably have batted his eyelashes at them.

“Man, don’t ‘ _what do you mean’_ us”, Lou grumbled and sat down in the chair in front of his desk, “Just tell us the truth”.

Steve looked from Lou to Chin then, who was still standing. Chin sighed and sat down too, arms still crossed.

“Steve, c’mon, we saw you at Max’s party, something happened between the two of you”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song This is us colliding, by Talos
> 
> Look, I know I posted the last chapter barely 3 days ago, but I really wanted to post this one before november ended because this november has been endless too - and so so so weird.  
> This chapter is set around 7x13 and I made some changes to Max's farewell speech and added in some pilot call backs! We get a glimpse of Steve insecurity about not being always the one giving things and helping the others that I wished the show had explored more and not just in the last season and that I also wished they showed people actually trying to help him and not just depending on the guy, because you can't tell me danny i-moved-across-the-globe-to-be-with-my-daughter williams and danny i-got-a-stress-manager-for-my-emotionally-stunted-friend wouldn't do everything he could to make sure Steve didn't carry every responsibility ever - but that's also for the next few chapters *cough cough - in a suggestive and not in a covid way*. I also wanted the show to stop throwing danny's character under the proverbial bus and explore how important he really is to not only steve but the whole story in general
> 
> as always, thanks for reading! hope you guys are enjoying everything so far


	8. Was I born to lie?

-

_The long-winded story of how Chin and Lou knew Steve wasn’t completely straight._

-

By 2014, Steve could count on only one hand the number of people who knew about him.

  1. Joe White
  2. Catherine Rollins
  3. Carson Rodes
  4. Deb McGarrett
  5. Matthew Williams _(don’t tell Danny)_



Captain Lou Grover had been growing on Steve, he seemed like an honest guy, and it wasn’t news Steve needed honest people in his life. After the whole debacle with Ian Wright, they had come into an understanding of each other, and Steve started to make room for him in his Ohana. Lou eventually admitted to what made him leave Chicago and move to Hawaii, and much like Danny had, though not as fast, he seemed to have seen right through Steve.

_“That’s why I came down here to talk to you. I know you got things that you’re keeping inside, and you gotta take these things off yo chest. Or I swear, they’ll press the air right outta ya”_ , Lou had said, the ocean waves crashing loudly around them, tear tracks still staining his cheeks. _“You know what I’m trying to say, right?”_ , and for a crazy second Steve was _sure_ Lou knew about him, somehow he knew, and he was warning him, like Joe had warned him all those years ago.

But then, Steve had stopped for a moment. DADT had been repealed, Steve had no reason to be scared if Lou knew. But his mouth remained shut nonetheless, he looked around the pier, like he got used to doing, looking for someone that could overhear them.

He thought about Freddy and about the gunfire slowly dying down as Steve drove away with Anton Hesse in North Korea. He thought about Freddy’s wife, now widow, his daughter who would never know him, and felt his grief too big for him, like he had no right to it.

Steve loved Freddy. _Had loved_ Freddy.

And he only ever told one person, the person responsible for Joe sitting Steve down one afternoon when he was 27 years old and warning him _“to be careful”_.

So Steve took that advice to heart and never told anyone about _Carson Rodes_.

He told people he loved Freddy like a brother, because it was true. He had loved Freddy as more than that for the longest time, probably started when they were on Annapolis, and Freddy’s parents took him in on holidays when Steve’s own father wouldn’t. Then Steve was sharing a room with him through BUDs, and by the end of it all, Steve hadn’t been able to look away from Freddy Hart for _years_.

Then 2002 happened, and Joe put Steve on his team, and they were getting deployed for covert ops and Freddy Hart was halfway across the globe on his own assignments. Steve had never been sure if Joe had been involved with that arrangement or not.

Somewhere between deployments, he met Catherine. He had Freddy on the phone with him on the base he was stationed in for a few days while Joe ironed the next assignment out with the higher ups, and he was talking about meeting up in the mainland or in Europe next time they could, and Cole stepped in beside him, screaming into the phone for Freddy to _“fuck off”_ , and Freddy laughed and hang up, and Steve was just a little bit pissed.

_“Commander White wants you to run this algorithm before we can make our next move”_ , Cole had told Steve, handing him a stack of folded papers written on Joe’s tiny handwriting that were a code on itself.

_“He wants me to run it, or he asked you and you don’t want to go down to the control room?”_ , Steve had asked, making Cole huff and puff and walk away.

And he met Catherine like that. Asking her to run that algorithm for his C.O.

She called him _sailor_ in a way it made him think she meant something else, but he still had Freddy’s voice ringing in his ears.

But then, _they kept bumping into each other_. Then they were becoming _friends_.

And then Steve had been invited to a military gala, and then Steve had been dying somewhere on Afghanistan and Joe told him to go back home and told him to ask Catherine out, and so Steve had done both of those things.

Catherine had met Freddy at that gala.

Steve was 23 and he had never been more confused.

So he bottled everything down, told himself he didn’t feel anything for Freddy, told himself things with Catherine were unstable at best and he barely knew her anyway, and for the next three years, Steve had pretended R&R was merely a suggestion as he stepped out from under Joe’s wing and started to make a name for himself in the Navy.

And that was how he met Carson Rodes.

Carson Rodes was an extraction guy. It didn’t really matter _what_ he was extracting, people or things, he was good at what he did, he had a marksman ability and could fly basically anything in the skies.

Steve was somewhere in East Europe after the Navy first got wind of the Hesse brothers’ activities, and they had the location of a known associate of theirs. Steve was in the middle of an urban town, and up until the year before he had been elbows deep in desert sand and gunfire, so he needed and extraction guy to work with him.

The Navy had sent him Carson.

They quickly fell in the routine of Steve getting in the line of fire and Carson pulling him out. Days and days that blend into each other doing recon and surveillance, Carson talking Steve's ear off over the comms as he waited on the extraction point and Steve led his team to a target's location.

Carson would asked him about girls back home and helped Steve pick-up girls in bars even though Steve never brought them back to his room, and even though Steve himself could never get Carson to go home with anyone either.

Until one night, by the end of Steve’s second year chasing around the Hesse brothers, a call with Catherine for some intel and a promise of a dinner date, a call with Freddy for some updates on his on-and-off relationship with Kelly and a promise of a double date with Catherine – Steve had been promising them the same thing for the last five years, and only actually kept the promise four times at best – Carson walked in, bourbon in one hand, two glasses on the other.

They had been in a safehouse, surveillance equipment occupied most of the floor of the house, the rooms were filled with Steve’s team, so most nights he had taken refuge on the upstairs balcony – _lanai_ , his mind would tell him.

_“How many dates can you get in just one night, huh?”_ , Carson had asked around his usual cocky smile.

Steve had just shaken his head, accepting the glass Carson offered him as he sat down beside him on the balcony.

_“I can multitask”_ , Steve had eventually said.

Carson poured the bourbon, they clanked they glasses together and drank.

_“Any space for one more?”_ , Carson said after a beat in silence.

Steve huffed out a laugh, _“I have no interest in going to the bar down the street right now, Rodes”_.

_“I’m not talking about that”_ , Carson had answered, earnest in a way that made Steve turn to him.

Carson had leaned into Steve, and Steve had seen the moment in slow motion.

He thought about Freddy Hart and how he never admitted to anyone, much less himself, that for the longest time, Steve wanted to do exactly that to him.

So when Carson’s lips had met Steve’s, Steve had opened his mouth and pushed into him.

_Oh, so that was how that felt like_.

_“Oh, thank god”_ , Carson had murmured breathlessly in between kisses, making Steve smirk and not think about the posters around every base he went, telling him not to ask and not to tell.

Contrary to popular belief, Steve hadn’t started his relationship with Catherine as soon as they went out together in 2002. Contrary to popular belief, Steve hadn’t fallen head over heels in love with her at that time either.

Everyone and their mother assumed that he and Catherine had fallen in together after they met, that they had kept a “casual” relationship, getting together for dinner and sex whenever they could.

But the truth was, that’s what happened between Steve and Carson.

They were friends first and foremost, Steve opened up about Freddy to him, Carson opened up about his own problems to Steve. They had amazing sex whenever they could get away from the team and the mission, Steve was new at it and eager to please, Carson was experienced and made everything fun. Carson was the one who told him to either go after Freddy or let it go, that Steve was only ever hurting himself.

Steve had called Freddy, not to go after him, but to listen to him gush about Kelly, how he saw her over his last time stationed on the US, and how she was explosive and annoyed the hell out of him, how she was everything Freddy ever wanted. And it hurt. It hurt somewhere inside of him on a corner Steve couldn’t really place.

Steve drank half the bottle of whatever Carson had stashed in his duffel, threw up over his bedroom window and Carson had held him for the rest of the night.

By 2007 Joe was sent down to help Steve’s team take out a gang the Hesse brothers had just unloaded a bunch of guns to, in hopes of getting some intel on their next move from the gang leader.

And after five days of sharing the same space, and five days of Steve being paranoid whenever Carson looked at his general direction, Joe had asked Steve to keep him company on a coffee run, but when they gotten to the closest coffee house, Joe had asked for two coffees to stay and he had led Steve to one of the most far away table’s from the counter.

_“What’s up, Joe?”_ , Steve had kept his voice as normal as possible, but his heart had been beating so loudly he was sure Joe could hear it.

Sure enough, Joe had just looked at him for a moment, half unimpressed smile on his face, bald head judging him.

_“Son, I won’t ask”_ , and all the air had left Steve lungs. _I won’t ask_. Joe didn’t choose a random set of words. He had specifically said _I won’t ask_. Steve had no control of whatever expression he wore on his face as Joe continued, _“But you need to be careful. And I’m not saying this because what you are doing is wrong. It isn’t. But whatever is going on, it could ruin your whole life if_ anyone else _finds out. So be careful”._

And Joe had talked like there could be no argument, no evidence otherwise. Like it was just another fact about Steve.

Steve McGarrett was a Navy SEAL. Steve McGarrett had a mission. Steve McGarrett wanted to be a Commander. Steve McGarrett liked men.

All those facts had seemed to be mutually exclusive against the last one.

Steve had looked from his coffee to Joe and back again, mind reeling. He wanted to ask a million questions like, _“what do you think my father would say?”_ , or _“Are you still proud of me?”_ , but it all sounded pathetic to his own ears, so he had nodded, and Joe had led them back to the house.

Steve didn’t end things with Carson after that, though he probably should have. Steve told him about Joe’s warning. Carson had smiled, or at least his mouth had stretched in a way it resembled a smile and told Steve that if he really wanted his life to be less complicated, Steve should probably stop giving Catherine the run around, because Steve at least had that option.

Steve had kissed him instead.

By 2008, Steve had come clean to Catherine, or at least partly, he told her about being confused about his feeling for someone else when he first asked her out, and how he felt like he was just stringing her along.

She had laughed and said she had been seeing other people ever since Steve started giving her the run around after the Gala in 2002. She still called him _sailor_.

_That_ had been when they started actually taking each other seriously.

So, when 2015 happened and Catherine left him, with a ring on his pocket, to find herself on relief missions – or so he had thought – Steve had called Carson Rodes.

He only had told Danny about it. At least a version of it.

Danny, who had been so worried about Charlie and the bone marrow transplant operation, that he had barely minded when Steve said he might be MIA for a few days to show the island around to a SEAL friend. Danny had just smiled at him and told him that some days off would do Steve some good – he had also been worried about Steve after Catherine left, and Steve loved him for it.

Carson had been doing god knows what in Italy, he answered Steve’s call half drunk on sangria, heard Steve’s half-assed invite for what it was and had arrived on Oahu the next day.

They hugged each other like they always did, or what Nahele called a “ _bro-hug_ ”. Carson had landed on a private air strip at the airport with a “client’s plane”, sunglasses masking what Steve was sure was a massive hangover mixed with jetlag.

Steve had driven them to his house and spent half of the weekend without leaving the bedroom, they had only taken a break when Carson had asked what was the occasion after all those years and Steve had told him about Catherine and the proposal.

Carson had fallen off the bed laughing.

By the end of that weekend, Steve had updated Carson on everything that happened in his life since he and Carson last spoke. Carson told him about freelancing around the world doing private security, how he didn’t feel like settling down just yet.

Steve had ended up feeling marginally like himself again, Carson was naked in bed next to him writing something down on a piece of duct tape that he would hide for Steve on the house – from personal experience, the duct tape would either say something like “dick” or “take care” – before they had to either get ready so Steve could drop him off back at the airport or have sex one more time and leave without showering. The three-minute shower thing didn’t stick to Carson like it did to Steve.

And don’t ever ask him how two Navy SEALs didn’t hear the front door opening and closing and the two sets of footsteps coming up the stairs, but one moment Carson had been on top of Steve kissing him hungrily, Steve’s hands tangled on the greying hairs at the nape of Carson’s head, on the other Chin’s voice had filled the room with “Hey brah, I know Catherine left but it’s been three da – ho-ly SHIT!”.

Carson had jumped and rolled, landing on the floor beside the bed and away from the door, which had given Steve pause later on how used to been walked in on the guy really was.

Steve had jumped, whipped his head to the door in time to see the three second delay of reaction when Lou and Chin just stood there, staring at them, then Lou closed the door firmly between them with a loud _oh boy_.

Carson had laid on the floor laughing again.

When Steve had pulled himself together enough, he pulled on the first set of clothes he could find and padded down the stairs as Carson’s laugh followed him out of the bedroom as the man started getting himself ready too.

Steve had found Lou and Chin in the kitchen. Lou had been downing a full glass of what Steve hoped was water, Chin had been redder than Steve had ever seen him.

_“So, hm, that was a SEAL buddy of mine”_ , Steve had said, instantly wincing at his words and the way Lou had started to choke on the water and Chin had just gotten redder.

And suddenly Steve had been _acutely aware_ that they had just walked in on him, _in bed_ , with another man and the next thing out of his mouth, like a reflex from not asking and definitely not telling had been _“I’m not gay”_.

Because maybe that had been what made his friends so uncomfortable, maybe Steve should’ve listened to Joe all those years ago, and maybe –

_“Considering just three days ago you were going to put a ring on Catherine’s finger,_ we gathered that much _”_ , Lou had finally put the water glass down to snap at him with a roll of his eyes.

_“We’re not judging, Steve”_ , Chin had followed saying, _“But I just saw a lot more from you than I really wanted”._

_“Ditto”_ , Lou had trembled.

Steve had barely known how to react, for most of his life he had prepared himself for the worst reaction possible, not that he had had any reason to doubt his team, with Danny being out to them for a while, but it was an old habit hard to shake.

_“I’m glad your friends aren’t bigots, McGarrett, and as much I enjoyed this weekend, I have to get that plane back”,_ Carson had appeared behind Steve, cool as a cucumber even though the other three men in the kitchen had been anything but.

_“We’ll, uh, we’ll talk later, guys”,_ Steve had said before high tailing out of there.

_“They seem like nice guys”,_ Carson had told him on the air strip as they waited for the plane to be cleared by the airport staff, _“I wish I could meet this Danno of yours”_.

Steve had rolled his eyes and grinned, _“You should, you two would give me an actual aneurysm after ten minutes”_.

But Carson had grown serious then, and said _“Hey, Steve? Don’t give the next one the run around for so long, okay?”_.

And Steve almost did a double take at that, almost confused to whom Carson was talking about. Then the plane was cleared, and Carson turned to leave, but then turned back to Steve with his usual cocky grin as he said, _“And you probably should have a rebound, aside from yours truly, before committing like that again. And make sure, whoever you do commit to, that they stick around for the actual proposal next time too”._

Steve had smiled again and called, _“Hey, Carson? Fuck off”._

Carson had only smiled wider and waved at him before boarding the plane.

Four days later, after Danny’s surgery for Charlie’s bone marrow transplant, when the whole team – and Hirsh – gathered at Rumfire, Chin and Lou had followed Steve to the bar to get drinks and Lou had asked.

_“So, you and Danny ever…”_

Chin had rolled his eyes, _“You could’ve phrased that a little differently”_.

_“Then you ask it”._

_“Guys”_

_“I’m just saying it was a little blunt…”_

_“_ Then you ask it”.

_“Guys, guys!”,_ Steve interrupted an argument that had sounded a lot like he and Danny, _“Nothing has ever happened between me and Danny”,_ he received two pairs of skeptical looks, _“I swear! Danny doesn’t even know I’m – “_ , he hadn’t known how to finish that phrase. Bisexual? Pansexual? He had never really thought about, had actually spent most of his life avoiding thinking about it, _“Not straight”_ , he had completed.

Chin and Lou had exchanged a look and had both burst out laughing, but when Steve hadn’t laughed too, Lou frowned.

_“Wait, are you for real?”_ , he had asked.

Steve shrugged.

_“Steve, you two have been partners for five years. It never came up?_ Never? _”_ , Chin had then asked.

Steve had to shrug again.

They both had looked so disappointed in him that it was annoying, _“Look, guys, this is my thing, okay? Aside from Carson himself, not many people know this about me, and, well, I’d like it to keep it that way. Alright?”_

Now _they_ looked annoyed.

_“We’re not going to out you, brah. We just wanted to make sure who knew”_ , Chin had explained, followed by Lou saying:

_“We also wanted the Danny intel. Kono owes me twenty bucks”._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song All is now harmed, by Ben Howard
> 
> Flashback (ish) chapter! Also quite the short chapter too, in comparison to the previous ones. Got a little bits and pieces from Steve canon backstory from a few eps.  
> I always had the somewhat headcanon that Steve wouldn't really know how to or even think about how to label himself, given his whole life experience, with an absent cop father, military life, not very good with emotions, type thing. Do I - personally - think he's bi and at least in the asexual spectrum, like demisexuality? Sure, but do I think Steve would see himself like that from the get go? Probably not. For me he would spend the longest time just thinking of himself as "not straight" then starting to entertain the thought of the bisexual label - there's a fic that i thought that dealt beautifully with Steve's feelings about his own sexuality during the service - even though it doesn't exactly follow what i just said my headcanon was - , "the art of leaving and saying goodbye", by Verastein.  
> Also, Carson Rodes! I kinda liked their dynamic in the 9th season ep where he appeared, so this weird past-ship is what I got! AOL has so much chemistry with everybody on that show, so I blame him for this.
> 
> Big Chapter note this one! thank you so much for reading and I really appreciate all the comments, they all make my day!


	9. I forget where we were

-

_If the year was ending like this, Steve wanted the apocalypse to come early_

-

“Steve, c’mon, we saw you at Max’s party, something happened between the two of you”, Chin said.

By then, Steve could count on only one hand the number of (alive) people that knew about him.

  1. Joe White
  2. Catherine Rollins
  3. Carson Rodes
  4. Chin Ho-Kelly
  5. Lou Grover



And Steve could count on the other hand the number of (dead) people who once knew about him.

  1. Deb McGarrett
  2. Matthew Williams _(still, don’t tell Danny)_



He looked at Chin and Lou, and much like that other night at Rumfire, he shrugged.

“Nothing happened”, he repeated.

Lou groaned loudly before angrily dunking his malasada into his coffee and angrily taking a huge bite out of it. Chin’s jaw clenched in the way that told Steve he was frustrated.

“But”, he continued, almost making Lou double dunk his whole malasada into the cup of coffee, “I’ll admit things have been different”.

And Steve couldn’t help but smile, consequently making the other two smile too.

“What are you gonna do then?”, Lou asked, a huge chummy smile on his face, voice clearly suggesting Steve _would definitely be doing something_.

“Well, Lou, I’m kinda busy at the moment, you see, with bombs and missing Yakuza bosses and adoption cases. I was thinking of maybe taking a nap”.

Lou frowned instantly. Chin laughed though.

“Seriously, Steve”, Chin then sat forward on his chair, raising his eyebrows as he said, “You guys are going to give it a try?”.

Steve was about to start giving them the run around when Lou frowned deepened and he sat forward on his chair too.

“Wait a minute, you haven’t told Danny, have you?”

Steve winced internally, but kept his face passively innocent when he asked, “Told him what?”.

“Steve, _it’s been years!_ It’s been at least a year since _we_ know”, Chin exclaimed, completely blowing past Steve attempt at feigning ignorance.

Steve huffed, putting his coffee and malasada down before leaning back in his chair.

“What you want me to do?”, Steve started, shoulder forward, hands open towards the ceiling, “I can’t just walk up to him and say – say what? ‘Hey, Danny, it’s been seven years since we’ve known each other, but get this, I’m bi’? And then I’ll just top it off with, ‘And also, I think we should date?’, I can’t do that!”.

“Why not?”, Chin asked, one hand on the table between them, frustrated.

“ _Why not?_ Why not? I’ll tell why not, because it’s insane!”.

“You know you sound just like Danny, right?”, Lou said, half smug, half exasperated.

“Why are you being so weird about this?”, Chin asked, making himself sound calmer.

Steve first instinct was to say, in a very petulant tone, “ _I’m not being weird about this”_ , but the phrase played it back in his head, and it sounded exceedingly like Eric if he just added a _“dude”_ at the end of it.

Steve had to take a deep breath.

_Why was he being so weird about this?_

“It feels too important”, he confessed slowly, choosing his words, “And it feels… rocky. There’s a lot going on in our lives right now, all of our lives. I guess I just want for me, and him, to have some breathing room before I drop this bomb”, a pause, “no pun intended”.

Chin leaned back in his chair too, nodding, “I get it”, he said.

Steve directed his eyes to Lou, waiting for his rebuttal.

“Look, man, we just want you guys to be happy, alright?”, He said, looking Steve in the eyes, stern, then, a mocking grin, “If you want, I can find out if he likes you too, Grace would probably snitch to Will”.

Chin smiled and Steve rolled his eyes.

“You’re just as bad as Danny, Lou”

-

Doctor Carlin sat in front of them and made her usual questions, wondering how much progress they made since last year, if they still argued and if it got in the way of their work. Then she asked about Steve’s brush with death and the liver transplant, Nahele’s adoption and Grace and Charlie’s situation with Rachel and how it was all affecting their work.

And Steve looked at Danny, Danny looked at Steve, and they argued silently if it was worth it to lie to the therapist, but she probably had CPS’s files with her and the fact that Nahele’s adoption was delayed because of their work. But with one frown and a thinning of his lips, Danny saw that Steve really didn’t want to talk about any of that.

So he bit the bullet because he was nice like that, and because he promised Grace anyway, and said: “Grace is worried about me”.

Doctor Carlin’s eyebrows went up a fraction of an inch, “Oh? Why’s that?”

Danny saw in his peripheral vision Steve turn to him, frowning, but Danny kept looking at the doctor as he answered, because he was helping Steve already and wanted the doctor to focus on him, and because he really didn’t want to look at Steve as he said what he was about to say.

“I have trouble sleeping, falling asleep or staying asleep, whatever it is. I either… I either spend all night worrying or I sleep and have nightmares that wake me up halfway through the night”, he shrugged just so he had something to do, “A couple of weeks ago I woke up Grace in the middle of the night because I was screaming in my sleep”, he gulped, dutifully ignoring whatever face Steve was making beside him.

Doctor Carlin face softened a fraction, eyes glancing from Danny to Steve for a second before she wrote something down on her ever-present notepad.

“When did your insomnia started?”, she asked bluntly.

_Insomnia_. In his head, Danny just called it _his rough nights_.

“I guess… Three years ago? After – “, he sighed. Grace asked him to do this, to do this _for her_ , “After Marco Reyes killed my brother and I killed him in Columbia”.

To her credit, Doctor Carlin’s face remained impassive, not a flinch or any other kind of judgement on her face. She probably had all that on his file too. Danny should probably know what HPD had in his file. The doctor hummed and noted something down.

“What do your nightmares entail? Ballpark it for me if it makes you uncomfortable or anxious”.

This whole thing made him uncomfortable and anxious.

“I – I mostly just watch things happening. My brother dying. Marco Reyes and all the kingpins we have taken down coming back to get us. Wo Fat”, he could hear Steve’s sudden intake of breath, “Him torturing Steve. Steve dying. The airplane crash. The transplant not working. Steve dying. Again.”, Danny felt like he was citing a grocery list, “Not just Steve though, the whole team has made a guest appearance or two”, the attempted humor fell flat, Dr. Carlin barely twitched, “Some nights it’s one thing, some other nights they all get smushed together in one horrible nightmare”.

Doctor Carlin nodded again and started to say something that was interrupted by Steve’s heavy hand on Danny’s arm.

“Danny, _what the hell?_ Why didn’t you ever tell me any of this?”

Danny finally looked at Steve. Then he had to look away again. The hand on his arms squeezed harder.

“Well, detective, your partner asked you a pertinent question”.

Danny was halfway into believing he was in a nightmare right then and there.

Danny looked back at Steve, taking in the crease between his eyebrows, the confused eyes, the half-opened mouth. _Hurt_.

“I don’t know”, he answered truthfully, “It’s my problem. I’m not gonna bother you with it”.

“I told you to call me”, Steve said, almost as an accusation, “When you couldn’t sleep, I told you to call me. It wouldn’t be a _bother_ to me. You could’ve told me then”.

“I called you!”

“Once! In three years!”

“I can’t call you every night!”

“Yes, you can!”

“ _Gentlemen!_ ”, Dr. Carlin’s voice cut through their argument and they both stared back at her. She huffed wryly, “Commander McGarrett, what are your thoughts on the detective’s anxieties?”

Steve opened and closed his mouth several times before actually making a sound, “I’m upset”, he said. Danny wanted to point out that was neither a thought nor what she asked, but the stern look on Dr. Carlin’s face made him shut up for once.

“Why are you upset, Commander?”.

Steve paused again, eyes never leaving Danny’s like they were searching for something.

“I guess I just want to be able to help. I can’t help if I don’t know what’s happening”.

Danny wondered if that counted as control issues.

“Detective, would you consider regular therapy sessions? HPD has a psychologist specialized in law enforcement”, considering the last one turned out to be a serial killer, Danny wasn’t too thrilled by the idea, “I could also prescribe you some medicine to help you sleep, after you went through a proper individual psych eval. But I highly recommend talking to a specialized psychologist regularly, the reason for your anxieties manifesting in your sleep will only be truly addressed then”.

Danny had the answer on the tip of his tongue. It was the same answer he had when Rachel suggested a marriage counselor. _Not_ the same answer he had when Steve suggested a weekend long partnership counseling.

“I’ll think about it”, he finally said, starting to look away from Steve, but being brough back by the hand on his arm tightening its grip even more, he wondered if he’d bruise.

“ _Danny_ ”, Steve almost pleaded, and Danny didn’t think he ever saw Steve _plead_ , “At least take the medicine, _please_ ”.

“I – fine”, he had no other answer but that one, not when Steve _pleaded_.

He looked back to Dr. Carlin, she was writing something down again.

“You can make an appointment with the HPD psychologist through the department’s health care provider”, she said as she scribbled on the notepad, “This is my recommendation for your medicine and dosage, you can run it through your GP if you want after your psych eval results, and you can come by my office to get them”.

She handed him the piece of paper she'd just written on, a bunch of lines that formed words Danny had no way of understanding, only the 5 milligrams at the end.

_Sleeping pills_. He needed sleeping pills.

At least he kept his promise to Grace.

But Steve had been quiet all the way from the doctor’s office to the palace. Finger drumming unsteadily in the steering wheel, scowl deep on his face.

“Do you want to talk about it?”, Danny asked as they crossed King Street slowly with the midmorning traffic.

Steve’s scowl deepened even more.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, okay?”, he kept talking, because what else was he going to do?, “But I meant what I said back there, you have your own problems, incarcerated mothers, spy friends and adoption processes. This is my problem, I don’t want to add to your pile”.

“Do you trust me?”, Steve asked serious, still looking ahead even though the traffic was so slow they were basically at a standstill.

“ _Do I trust you?_ Of course I trust you, why are you asking me that?”.

“Then trust me with this”.

The car stopped moving and Steve turned his head to look at Danny, eyes hard and decided, halfway into his SEAL face.

“I don’t know what you want me to say”, Danny murmured back to him,

“ _Just talk to me_ ”, Steve said, clearly frustrated, hands moving on and off the steering wheel.

Danny sighed, turning his head to stare forward through the windshield. “Ask me anything, and I’ll tell you”, he said.

Danny didn’t need to look to know that Steve had just worked his jaw, clenching it the same way he did when a perp gave them a cryptic lead to follow.

They had moved past two cars on the lane next to theirs before Steve said anything.

“I don’t know, Danny, I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that Reyes still affects you this way after all these years, and I didn’t know about it”.

Danny nodded minutely, mulling that over.

“It doesn’t. Well, not as much as it did two years ago. Are you worried about me or are you just angry I didn’t tell you?”

“Can’t I be both?”

Danny gnawed at his top lip for a second, considering his next words.

“I guess. And I guess it’s always going to affect me in a way. For all I told you about accountability with your mother and with Matty, I don’t think I ever really atoned for killing Reyes the way I did”.

Danny chanced a sideways glance to Steve, his head still tilted against the seat’s headrest, and Steve had his restless hands at the wheel, his nostril flaring and breath coming out loudly. Danny always knew they had different opinions when it came to Reyes.

“Did you want to stay in Colombia?”, Steve’s voice was hard and low, doubt somewhere between the lines.

Danny thought about being beaten, about Grace’s face when he was escorted out of her classroom in handcuffs, Grace’s voice when he called her half a world away.

“No, I didn’t want to stay there”, he watched as the van in front of them moved an inch forward in traffic, he could see the palace in the distance, what was supposed to be a ten-minute drive between the therapist’s office and the palace, was probably going to be closer to half an hour.

“What then?”.

Danny shrugged from his shoulders to his hands.

“I don’t know. I guess that’s the problem. I don’t know what to do to make it better. I killed an unarmed man in another country, he killed Matty, but he had family too. He threatened Grace, but he was just a pawn in the CIA game to move some product around for profit”, he shrugged again, “If I stayed in Colombia, Grace would’ve grown up without a father just like Reyes’ kids, and maybe that would’ve been justice, but I don’t know if it would’ve made me feel any better about what I did, so maybe I’m just not supposed to feel better. Most days I don’t even think about it anymore, other days are harder”.

The van in front of them moved another inch, but Steve didn’t move the car at all.

“I’m sorry you can’t help”, Danny said, because maybe he knew Steve too well, and if he didn’t have someone to punch or something to run after, he felt useless.

Danny remembered Steve’s words as they held Nahele as he cried, _“You need to let it go, okay? It’s not gonna be easy, I’m not saying that. But you have to let it go, you can’t carry that guilt around.”_ , then Danny’s repeated words, _“You deserve better, so much better, than what you’re letting yourself have”_. Danny wondered if any of them were any good at following that advice.

He turned his head against the headrest again, looking as Steve shook his head and glanced sideways at him quickly. Steve’s right hand left the wheel and took Danny’s left one he had over his thighs.

They both held on.

They got closer and closer to the palace, minutes ticking by without neither of them saying anything, just holding on to each other.

Danny remembered being ten years old.

His father came home from a shift in the fire station with his shoulders sagged, soot still on his face, telling his mother one of his colleagues had died in the fire they were called in that day. Danny remembered being cramped in the back of the car with his siblings, making their way to the wake, his father’s silence and his mother holding a casserole in her lap. The way his mother looked sideways to his father and said, “ _I’m sorry, honey_ ”, and Danny didn’t understand what she was sorry for, but his father shook his head, breathing deeply and held her hand over the casserole. They stayed that way until they reached the wake, silently leaning on each other.

Danny felt the callouses on Steve’s palm and didn’t say anything.

They were maybe three cars down from the palace parking lot, he heard Steve take a breath, fidget in his seat and Danny waited for him to say something next. Two cars down. One.

“What did you dream about?”, Steve finally asked, “When you woke up Grace that day?”.

Danny remembered that dream too. He did not want to talk about that dream.

He knew what it was as soon as he fell asleep and it started playing in his head.

He and Steve were piloting the plane, they were losing altitude, Steve was bleeding out. Danny crashed into something, the plane was gone and he was rolling on the floor of some dirty laundry factory, the team behind him and Danny could barely feel the weight of the riffle in his hands, he knew he had to find Steve, Steve was bleeding out and needed his liver. And if they were at the laundry factory, it meant that Wo Fat had him. Adrenaline coursed through his body as he shot at the people Wo Fat put between him and Steve. He could barely sense the team behind him, following his every step, but he knew they had his back no matter what.

He got to bottom of the stairs, a long corridor ahead of him, white from top to bottom, only one rusty and moldy wooden door at the end of it. He knew what it was behind that door. Steve was going to be on the floor, alive. Wo Fat would be next to him, dead. That’s what it was supposed to happen.

He looked back to motion for the team to follow, but he was alone. He looked back at the door, but there was no door anymore. There were only white walls surrounding him, making his chest feel constricted and small.

He started to scream for help, his heart started to pick its pace, he didn’t know if the walls were closing in on him or he was just imagining it. He looked frantically from side to side, and every time he turned his head, a white barrel appeared in the room, and the only thing he could do was look as the room was filled with barrels and more barrels.

He desperately started opening them, trying to find something to take him out of there, but he only found body parts, cut down and disfigured. He recognized them. He knew what belonged to who. Kono, Lou, Chin, Jenna, Lori, Catherine, Rachel, Doris, Matty, his parents, his sisters. He found things, toys and bags he knew belonged to Grace and Charlie, he looked and looked, and the barrels were going for miles and miles around him.

“ _STEVE? STEVE?”,_ he screamed, because he hadn’t found him. Steve was alive, he was alive, Wo Fat was dead. That’s what it was supposed to happen. His team was right behind him.

He turned one more time and in the middle of the white barrels, Steve was sitting in a rotting chair, head lulled to the side, motionless, a pull of blood at his feet, back turned to Danny. Danny started to run, but nothing seemed to change, he was always too far away. He screamed Steve’s name again until he felt his voice give out.

“ _He can’t hear you, detective”_ , a voice said.

Danny blinked and Marco Reyes was standing in front of Steve, he blinked again and he turned into Wo Fat, one more time and it was Michelle Shioma, knife in her hands, that deadly look in her eyes.

_“No, what’re you doing?! Not him, please not him too, please, please stop, PLEASE!”_ , he begged, knees protesting as he ran as hard as he could and never moving an inch.

Shioma smiled.

Danny never felt more alone.

And Grace shook his shoulder, calling for him, and Danny jumped in bed, drenched in sweat, throat sore from screaming. Grace crawled into bed with him, holding him until she fell asleep again.

But he wouldn’t tell Steve any of that.

Steve wanted a reason to take the blame, to lighten whatever burden he thought Danny was carrying.

“I called for you”, he said instead. When he looked around, they were parked at the palace already, Steve was still holding his hand and had shifted in his seat enough to look fully at Danny. “Shioma had you on that white room, Wo Fat’s white room, and I was calling for you. Everyone else was gone. I couldn’t get to you”.

Steve did the thing he always he did when he was overwhelmed. Danny’s reaction to being overwhelmed was either exploding in a rant or sagging his shoulders until he convinced himself it wasn’t happening.

Steve would say only one thing:

“ _Danny_ ”.

Danny shrugged, looking down. Steve’s hand was warm against his, a steady weight by his side as Danny considered what to say next, his teeth finding their way to his bottom lip.

“I know you won’t stop jumping off buildings to get our perps, and you’ll always be running into traffic and things like that, but seeing you do it right after you needed _my liver?_ After I watched you almost bleed out while we were thousands of feet up in the air? I’m genuinely scared for you sometimes, okay?”.

Danny looked back at Steve to see his nostrils still flaring, mouth in a frown as he stared out the windshield.

“Why wouldn’t you say something to me?”, Steve asked again, his eyes narrowed.

“What am I gonna say to you, huh? That _I’m_ stressed about the fact that you don’t take care of yourself? That I lay up at night, sick about it? I’m not gonna put that on you, it’s my own thing, what am I gonna say to you?”.

Steve seemed to want to say something, he breathed in like he was about to talk, but nothing ever come out. He didn’t let go of Danny’s hand though.

“How long after Freddy died could you sleep through the night?”, Danny asked quietly then.

The hand holding his tightened its grip.

“I – I”, Steve started, but didn’t finish right away. He took long enough that Danny looked back at him, searching Steve’s face for the answer. Steve mouth was tightly shut, eyes on the windshield again, “I don’t know. Years.”

“You never called _me_ ”, Danny said, he didn’t want to sound accusing, because he wasn’t, but he needed Steve not to worry.

Steve let go of Danny’s hand.

“Don’t. Danny, don’t turn this on me”, Steve said.

Danny could only shrug again.

“I’m not _trying_ to. Okay?”

“Then what? You’re saying because I didn’t talk to you about Freddy, then you don’t have to talk to me about this? It’s different”.

Something about those words grated at Danny and he found himself starting to get incensed, all the softness from before leaving him.

“ _Different?_ What’s different?”.

Steve huffed, he was scowling, exasperated, maybe annoyed, but he didn’t respond.

“See? You still can’t talk to me about it!”

“It’s just different, Danny!”

“Oh, _I’m sorry_ , it’s different! I completely understand it now!”

“It’s different”, Steve repeated, “Freddy died _because_ of me”.

“Who the fuck do you think _killed_ Reyes?”.

“But Shioma is not your sole responsibility!”.

“Not yours either!”

Steve’s next intake of breath seemed to shake his whole body, he closed his eyes a second, regaining composure. Danny Williams was not as controlled.

“Danny, c’mon, I’m just trying to understand, I just want to help!”.

“Oh, you want to help? _You want to help?_ Then leave it alone, Steve! Okay? _This is not your problem_ ”.

Danny released his seatbelt and brusquely opened his door, practically jumping out of the Camaro. He walked toward the palace’s door without checking if Steve was following him.

-

Danny wasn’t proud of that fight, if he could call it a fight, he could barely make sense of how things escalated so quickly between him and Steve, but the irony that the catalyst for next few days of complete asynchrony between them was the therapy supposed to help them wasn’t lost on him. It’d be funny if it wasn’t so frustrating.

When Grace asked him if something had happened, after the second day that week that they would normally take Nahele to Steve’s house but instead dropped him at the group home, Danny didn’t want to say it had been the therapy, because his daughter would put two and two together and blame herself for asking him to talk about his nightly problems.

“Nothing happened, Monkey”, he said when they got home, “We just had a disagreement”.

Things with Rachel were finally getting marginally better, Grace had told her about Will, and apparently everything went more than okay, because she had called to say she would be spending the night at the mansion. Danny wanted to be happy for her, really, but the sight of her empty bedroom only reminded him that their custody arrangement was temporary and that no matter how much he fought for Charlie, he would get shared custody at the best of cases.

He didn’t want to deprive Rachel of her kids, but he was tired of always being the absent parent.

“But you guys argue all the time”, Grace pointed out before going to her room and putting her bag by her bed, Danny followed her and leaned against the doorjamb.

“Yeah, we do”, he conceded, watching as Grace took out her water bottle out of the bag and the rest of her study materials, placing them neatly at her study desk, “Don’t worry about it, though. We argue all the time, and we make up all the time too. It’s fine”, he said in what he hoped was a light tone.

But Grace stopped her organizing process to stare at him.

“What was the argument about?”, she asked.

Danny had to sigh.

“Don’t worry about it, okay? It’s just between me and your Uncle Steve, but it’ll work itself out”.

With dread he watched Grace gnaw at her lip like he himself did, it often meant trouble was brewing in that head of hers.

“What if it doesn’t?”, she asked.

“Doesn’t what?”.

Grace huffed, “What if it doesn’t work itself out?”.

It hit Danny that he wasn’t worried about that. He never really worried about losing Steve to a heated argument. With Rachel he had worried and worried and measured his words and took things back before they were even said.

Danny smiled.

“He’ll never stop being your Uncle Steve, okay? And a silly argument is not the end of the world either”.

“But if it’s so silly why are you guys all weird? ‘Hele said Uncle Steve wouldn’t tell him what happened either, and Uncle Steve always tells him things”.

It was just like Steve to one up Danny in parenting without even being an official parent yet.

“Okay”, Danny breathed, “Are you really worried?”

Grace fidget where she was standing and Danny moved to sit on her bed, patting the spot next to him for Grace to sit on.

“I’m not _really_ worried”, she said, “I just don’t like it”.

Danny put his arm around her shoulders to squeeze her for a few seconds, “I know. Adults can be really stubborn, okay? And specially your Uncle Steve”, Grace made a face, “What?”.

“You’re really stubborn too, Danno”.

“Me? What’re you talking about? I’m easy-going, c’mon”, he said shaking her a bit by the shoulders.

Grace shook her head, but she was smiling, “You’re really not”.

“You wound me, Monkey. I’ll have you know Steve will rather I punch him in the face again than admit he’s wrong”.

At that Grace’s face whipped sideways to look at him, “You punched Uncle Steve?”.

“What?”

“You said ‘again’, like you punched him before”

Danny winced. She was definitely too smart.

“When we met, actually”, he admitted, “He was being really unreasonable though, and a complete caveman”.

Grace rolled her eyes. “So the argument, was it Steve’s fault?”

“There’s no fault here, okay?”.

Grace scowled, “Then why are you arguing? Why adults _never apologize?_ ”, she sounded increasingly frustrated.

“What’re you talking about, huh? I always apologize to you, don’t I?”

“Did mum ever apologize to you? She never apologized to _me_. Did you two ever apologized to Stan?”.

Danny gulped, “No, we didn’t”.

Grace balled her hands over her lap, “I’m just so tired of all the lying and fighting”.

Danny squeezed Grace’s shoulder again, resting his chin on top of her head, “I’m sorry, Monkey”.

-

“Did Danny punch you?”

“What?”

Steve went by the group home – after clearing the visit with the social workers – to give Nahele some Wailana take-out he got after leaving the palace for the day. The social worker who managed it, who Steve always forgot the name of no matter how many times she griped at him over the smallest things, answered the door with a glare even though Steve only smiled politely and asked for Nahele, who in turn came to the door with his nose glued to his phone, asking that and making the social worker do a double take on Steve’s face, who had to stretched out a smile in her direction.

“Grace said Danny punched you”, Nahele said, obliviously looking up at him. “Is that why you guys are weird?"

“Wha – when?”

“You’ve been weird for the past week”

“Not that, and we’re not _‘weird’_ , the punch, when did he punch me?”

Nahele narrowed his eyes back to his phone, “She didn’t say”

Steve’s brain took a while to process the whole situation. He huffed and handed Nahele the food, making him pocket the phone.

“We had a – _altercation_ , when we first met”

“So he did punch you?”

Steve groaned, “Yeah, seven years ago, it’s not the reason we’re _‘weird’_ , not that we are weird at all”, they were, but Steve wasn’t going to admit it.

Ever since the argument in the car, Danny’s walls were up. And Steve’s too, for that matter. Danny didn’t want help. Steve didn’t know how not to help or worry.

They had this argument many times before, roles reversed or the same, but it always boiled down to same thing. One needed help but rather pull his own teeth out than accept it. The other wanted to help and rather eat dirt than not offer it constantly.

Steve would go to Danny’s office and say, _“If you talk about it, I might be able to make sense of it”_.

To which Danny would say, _“Didn’t know you had a degree in dreamology on top of being a pain in my ass”_.

Or the conversation would start with Danny going, _“Why do you never talk to me about Freddy? Or about what Wo Fat did?”_

And Steve’s whole body would lock up like he was physically incapable of talking. He didn’t want to say, _“because it was my problem”_ , because it was the opposite of the point he was trying to make with Danny.

_“There’s nothing to say, Danny. It’s been years”_.

_“You know what I think?”_

_“You’re gonna tell me anyway”_

_“I think you never talk about the one hundred other miserable traumatic things that have happened and I think you just repress everything and compartmentalize until you forget you’re actually_ a fucking person! _”_

Danny, as always, knew Steve better than anyone, but by that time in the argument Steve was too riled up to say anything but, _“Maybe you should learn to forget this stuff too!”._

_“I wish I could!”_

And then they would both go home angry.

The fact that Steve was one of the reasons Danny had nightmares and couldn’t sleep at night was constantly on Steve’s mind though. Grace had said that Danny had been getting quieter before he and Melissa even broke up, but even though Steve couldn’t pinpoint it, it all started to come crashing down after he almost died on that plane.

“Look, don’t worry, okay? I just pushed him when I shouldn’t have”, Steve said, because he could at least admit to that.

“You pushed him?”

“Figuratively”, Steve was this close to thinking the kid was being dense on purpose so Steve would spill about the argument, “Okay? It’ll work itself out”.

“If you say so”, Nahele said, even though he didn’t look too confident.

Steve spotted the social worker over Nahele’s head, giving him the stink eye.

“I gotta go, okay?”, he said quickly, I’ll –“.

“Are you, uh – “, Nahele started to interrupt him but quickly stopped, a crease between his eyebrows appearing as his hand came up to rub at his neck, “I mean, I just wanted to say thanks. For the food. I really appreciate it”.

Steve looked at him then, taken aback, “Don’t mention it, keiki, I’m just looking out for you”, he said, then ruffled the kid’s hair again just so he would try to duck and smile.

-

“Are you sure she has everything?”.

Danny sighed loudly without meaning to, “Yes, Rachel, I’m completely sure”.

Rachel’s answering smile was tense.

Danny took Grace to Rachel’s and Stan’s house for the weekend. _The whole weekend. Friday, Saturday and Sunday._ And he felt like he had a gaping wound in his chest.

“Are you sure you guys are going to be okay? It’s three whole days”.

Rachel’s smile disappeared, “She’s my daughter too, Daniel, and in case you forgotten she used to live here”.

“Oh, yes, _how_ could I forget?”, he had to take a deep breath not to lose his head and start actually arguing, “I’m just worried, okay? I worry, it’s what I do. I know things have been hard with you two”.

Rachel’s shoulder dropped slightly, she looked away from him. “Yes, they have. Thank you for being there for her”.

“She’s my daughter too”, he said, and his voice only had a hint of sarcasm. “Is Stan around?”, he asked, because he always did.

But at that Rachel faltered, her knuckles turned white as she held onto the front door, her whole face like a strained muscle.

“No, he’s out. Stan took Charlie for a walk”, she answered with a terse tone and a terse smile to go with it.

Danny didn’t want to be 10-feet from that discussion, so he didn’t press.

He waited for Grace to come back to the front door, hugged her goodbye, promising to come over at the drop of a hat if she needed, accepted her eye roll, and went back to the Camaro.

He was halfway to his house when his phone started ringing and he answered on the Camaro’s Bluetooth connection.

“Detective Williams”, he said loudly, never really sure if people could hear okay when talking to the car.

“Detective. Danny. Hi”, came Nahele’s voice, though he didn’t sound okay. His voice was low and off.

“Nahele? You okay, kid?”, he asked, frowning at his windshield as he drove.

“I, uh, no, I’m in the hospital”.

It was his car chasing training – _he had actually been trained, Steve_ – That stopped Danny from completely landing his foot on the brakes and probably cause a car accident as there was at least three cars close together behind him. He still almost swerved right into the railing though.

“ _What you mean you’re in the hospital?_ Where’s Steve? What happened? _What hospital?_ ”.

There was a sound like a sigh and Nahele’s voice came muffled as he said, “I’m at Queen’s, it was closer than Shriners. I, uh, I didn’t call the Commander yet”, Danny frowned harder, “I’m waiting for Ms. Prescott to come clear me, but, uh, can you come here? I’m, uh, fine. Fineish”.

Danny could barely breathe, _“Fineish?_ Kid, you’re killing me, _of course I’m coming_. And call Steve”.

He hang up and turned on the Camaro’s siren, damn the fact that he wasn’t actually in a police situation, he made a completely illegal U-turn at the next light and sped his way to Queens.

He found Nahele in a room in the E.R. after lying to the on-call nurse that he was the kid’s guardian (it was more of an almost truth), looking as white as well as green, laying down on the bed very still, right wrist on a splint, wearing only his football shorts and sweaty undershirt, all the padding and equipment gone making him look too small on the hospital bed.

Danny’s knees trembled and his skin prickled with goosebumps that had nothing to do with the air conditioning.

“ _Nahele_ , what happened?”

Nahele’s head started to turn towards him as Danny entered the room, but he seemed to think better of it and kept staring at the ceiling.

“We had a, uh, football game today. It was just this game for the last day of bye week”, Danny dreaded hearing the rest because he was pretty sure how the story was going to end by the nauseated look Nahele had on his face, “And our QB, Tyson, threw me the ball, and this giant came at me and I swerved, then I missed the other giant coming at me and they basically sandwiched me. I fell all wrong, hit my head pretty bad and twisted my wrist a bit”, he waved his splint around with a sniff, “The doctor said I have a mild concussion, he’s talking to the coach right now, I’m still waiting on Ms. Prescott”.

Nahele finished talking with a huge deep breath, like the ones you take so you don’t throw up.

Danny made his way to the bed and took the kid’s hand between his. Nahele’s eyes flickered to him but he pointed them to the ceiling right after again.

“I don’t mean to keep you talking, risking having whatever it was you inhaled for lunch on my shoes”, Danny said and Nahele grimaced, “But, did you call Steve?”

Nahele grimaced harder and he started to shake his head before Danny squeezed his hand in warning. He really didn’t want to ruin his shoes, they were fabric.

“No. I know he’s busy, it’s Thursday, he has the CPS classes now”.

Danny smiled, “Kid, he’d want you to call him either way, okay?”.

“I know”, Nahele nodded carefully, “Didn’t really wanted to risk him missing another class, he said they were almost over with”.

It downed on Danny that Nahele called him. _Danny_. For an emergency. And that probably meant that Nahele saw him as a reliable figure – _A parental figure_ – In his life. He loved the kid, for the past couple of years Nahele had carved himself a place in Danny’s life and ever since Steve’s adoption process, Danny got to know him and protect him and he knew Nahele wasn’t his and wasn’t going to be, but he still felt it. That pull. _Home_. It never occur to him that Nahele might have picked up on it.

Danny had to clear his throat more than once before he could trust his voice to speak again.

“Okay. But he’s probably finishing up with that soon, right? And he was going to pick you up?”, Nahele hummed in agreement, “Well, you’re not at school. Do you see where I’m going with this? Can _I_ call Steve?”.

“Are you Commander McGarrett?”, came a male voice at door, making Danny turn.

“No, he’s the other guy”, said Nahele’s coach, a very tall, very large native Hawaiian guy. Coach Heno. He was not known for being a subtle man.

Right beside him, there was the doctor, a file in his hand.

“Well, I can only talk to his social worker or Commander McGarrett since he has a petition to adopt, come find me w – “

“I’m here, I’m here”, Abigail Prescott said, squeezing into the room and promptly shaking the doctor’s hand, “I’m Abigail Prescott, Child Services, I’m responsible for Mr. Huikala’s case”.

The Doctor took a breath, clearly not over the moon with the amount of people in the room.

“I’m the on-call child neurologist, Dr. Farrington, pleased to meet you.”, he smiled a somewhat genuine smile, he then listed Nahele’s injuries, said he needed the splint for a minimum of two weeks and not to put any strain whatsoever on that wrist, and that, “His concussion is very mild, the nausea will mostly likely subside in less than half an hour, we’re waiting on his CT scan to make an actual diagnosis, but so far the symptoms seem to indicate he’s mostly fine – “.

“Hi, I’m sorry”, Danny interrupted, still at Nahele’s side, in a tone of voice he knew meant he wasn’t sorry at all, “But can you speak to him? Nahele’s right here, you’re talking about _him_ and _his_ health.”, he paused, “I’m Detective Danny Williams, by the way”.

Nahele’s hand squeezed his and the doctor genuinely looked sheepish before clearing his throat and approaching the bed.

“Of course, I’m sorry.”, he started again, “As I was saying, you’re going to be fine, Mr. Huikala, as long as the symptoms disappear soon. You should avoid any strenuous activities for the next few days and have plenty of rest, alright? If you have any lasting headaches, sensibility to light or the nausea comes back in the future, you should come right back here, if I’m not on call, Doctor Warren will be here to assist you”, he turned to Ms. Prescott then back to Nahele and Danny, “I would highly recommend he’d be placed with an individual care giver to assist him on the next couple of days. Mr. Heno told me you’re in foster care?”

“He’s in a group home, right now”, Danny and Abigail said at the same time, glancing at each other, probably both trying to imagine what the hell Steve was going to do.

“ _Oh, fu –_ uh, ahem, excuse me, I have to call Ste – Commander McGarrett”, Danny said, squeezing Nahele’s hand one last time before stalking out of the room with his phone already in his ear.

It barely rang two times before Steve answered, “Danny? Did you pick up Nahele from the game today? I’m here and he’s not answering his phone”

Danny took a deep breath. _McGarrett Craziness Regulation_. “Babe”, he started already bracing himself, “Don’t freak out, but – “.

“ _Danny what happened?_ ”, Steve immediately interrupted.

“ _I just said don’t freak out_ ”, he hissed.

“Then don’t tell me not to freak out!”.

“Steve! Listen to me, okay? Nahele got injured at the game, we’re at Queen’s. I assume you’re already speeding out of there, so I’ll just keep talking, the doctor said he has a mild concussion”, he paused, trying to hear if Steve just crashed in a ditch somewhere, “The kid should be fine, but he twisted his wrist and it’s going to need a splint for a couple of weeks, other than that, you should probably be here so Abigail can explain everything”.

Steve took long enough to answer that Danny thought he hung up on him, “Steve? You still there?”.

“Yeah… yeah. I’m here. I’ll be there in five, okay?”

“Okay, drive safe”, Danny thought he at least should say that.

He went back to the room as the doctor and the coach were leaving, leaving him with a tired-looking Nahele and Abigail.

“Can you sleep?”, Danny asked, standing by Nahele’s side again, fighting the urge to put a hand over his curls, so he just grabbed Nahele’s hand again.

Nahele shook his head, and this time his grimace barely worsened.

“The doctor said it was better to wait the CT results”, Abigail said, eyes on her phone, “Do you mind staying with him, detective Williams? I should make some calls”, Danny nodded, because he wasn’t leaving that room unless god or Nahele himself told him to, “Thank you, I’ll be back in ten”.

They barely settled for five minutes before Steve was barrelling through the door, all frazzled like a bird with ruffled feathers. Blue eyes wide, red face like he ran there, which he probably did.

“ _Are you okay?_ ”, he asked urgently, coming around Nahele’s bed, almost going for a hug but probably saw Nahele’s green face and stopped himself, then almost taking his right hand before seeing the splint, and Danny took the left hand he’d been holding and gave it to Steve with a roll of his eyes. Nahele was smiling sheepishly.

“’m okay”, the kid mumbled, “Just sore, headache, and a bit, uh…”

“Nauseous”, Danny filled in for him.

Nahele told his version of what the doctor said, which was basically the same but with a lot less words and he called a CT scan a Ziti scan, but at least it made Steve smile. “He said we needed to wait the results and that I needed someone to take care of me for a few days, but I feel fine, really”

“Aside from the pain, you mean?”, Danny asked, pleased that Nahele’s skin colour was slightly less greenish.

Nahele rolled his eyes and grimaced just a bit, “I’m _fine_. The home is pretty full now, they can’t have a worker just for me”.

“You’re coming home with me”, Steve said, SEAL face on, Commander voice making it company.

_Oh, boy._

“Steve –“.

“He’s coming home with me”, Steve told him, like it was Danny he needed to convince.

Danny put his hands up, “Hey, ‘m just the messenger, babe, but I think what you’re planning there is called _kidnapping_ ”.

“Good news, guys, ah, Commander, good you’re here”, Abigail came in the door, phone in one hand, coffee on the other, the image of efficiency, “I have pulled a few strings. The group home Nahele’s placed right now can’t care for him and the ones that could are not available, and I can’t place him with any foster parents right now, the only other option was to really leave him unattended at the group home”, as soon as she said that, Nahele took a deep breath, and Steve’s SEAL face was slowly becoming psychotic, “But, I talked to a judge to grant you temporary guardianship and I talked to Mr. Asano too. Now”, she said the last word forcefully, probably because Steve seemed so relieved Danny thought he might faint, “It’s temporary. It’s not custody. It’ll be for two weeks until the splint comes off. It was a hard sell, although you have petitioned for adoption, because of the irregularities of late, it almost didn’t happen. But since you’re almost certified I could swing at least the two weeks. So, Commander, use this time wisely, okay?”

Steve nodded enthusiastically, “Absolutely, thank you, ma’am, thank you so much”.

“Abigail, please”, she said with a smile, “Mr. Asano is bringing the proper paperwork for you to sign and I’ll be outside, okay? Give you some privacy, but do not leave without the papers. You can’t take him without them”.

Steve just kept nodding and Danny shared a fond look with Nahele.

-

Steve didn’t know if he should be happy Nahele was able to come home with him or worried because of what caused the whole thing.

The concussion symptoms had all but gone away by the time the doctor came to discharge Nahele with his test results, saying there didn’t seem to be any abnormalities, but he still reiterated his warning to bring him back to the hospital if something happened. Steve didn’t need to be told twice.

Steve went home with Nahele, driving so slow even Danny would complain, and made Nahele say, “I’m not gonna puke if you go over thirty, you know?”.

Danny… Well, Danny said he’d get Nahele’s medicine the doctor prescribed for his wrist. Steve guessed they pressed pause on their fight.

It was one more thing he didn’t know if he should be happy about or sad because it took his kid getting hurt to happen.

He was tired of their fight and if Danny wanted him to apologize, he would just to put the issue to bed.

He told Nahele to go up to his room to clean up – it was almost finished, just missing a good dresser and study table – and started on dinner, making enough for three. Danny arrived with the pill bottles in a bag, a pack of beers on the other and an apologetic look on his face.

“I keep forgetting you can’t drink”, he admitted awkwardly, “I might take this to Chin’s on my way home, no fun drinking alone”.

Steve shrugged, “Just leave it there, we’ll drink it together when we can”.

Steve heard Danny put the beers away in his fridge and raise himself to sit on the kitchen counter beside him. Steve felt Danny’s feet poke at his side as he kicked it forward.

“Hey, Steve?”

“Hm?”

“He’s going to be okay. He’s a McGarrett now, whether it’s official or not, and you guys are indestructible”.

Steve closed his eyes, stopping his cooking to take a deep breath.

“He didn’t call me, Danny”, he said, turning sideways to stare at Danny, “He was hurt, and he didn’t call me”.

Steve was gutted, but Danny smiled.

“He called _me_ , babe. He knew you had your classes and he called me. He’s okay, he’s smart and he knows I’ll be there for him too”.

“He _called_ you?”

Now Danny rolled his eyes, “How do you think I was there? I was passing by the hospital and just thought I’d stop by? Just in case I knew someone there? Are you sure you’re not the one with a head injury?”

Honestly, Steve was just glad Danny was there, he didn’t even stop to think about it.

“Well, I’m glad he called you”, he ended up saying.

“Me too”.

He looked at Danny’s eyes, Danny looked back at him, and they reached a silent agreement.

_“If you stop bringing up my problems, I’ll stop trying to dig up yours”_ , Danny’s eyes told him. _“If you stop snapping at me, I’ll stop pushing you”_ , Steve told him.

But they both knew the impasse was as temporary as Nahele’s situation.

-

_Maybe the apocalypse could wait after all_

-

Steve could barely believe Nahele got to stay him for the last two weeks of the year. It was Christmas _and_ New Year’s. It almost felt too good to be true. It almost felt like, well, it almost felt like Christmas had come right on time.

Of course, there was a lot of adjusting they needed to do. Steve had been living on his own for years now, and before that he only lived with the Teams guys on safehouses and tents in the desert. That was probably one of the reasons he and Danny couldn’t live together when Danny was in between places all those years ago.

The few and far in between days that Nahele did stay with Steve before, they would go for swims and runs together if Steve didn’t have to take him back to the group or foster home first thing in the morning. But with his wrist in a splint and pain medicine making him loopy, Nahele was grumpy most of the morning.

The weekend right before Christmas on Monday, Steve would go in the house after his morning exercises, Nahele would be at the kitchen table, glaring at his coffee, dishevelled curls pointing every which way.

Steve didn’t really try having a conversation with him until at least a few hours later, when he’d get responses that weren’t just grunts and hums.

Steve had to yell on his phone at Kamekona, threatening him with everything he could think of so the guy wouldn’t pull some stunt on the shrimp truck that would need Nahele to go to work. After half an hour Steve had somewhat successfully negotiated Nahele’s two week leave and had to promise not to say the word _union_ around the kid, whatever that was supposed to mean.

Saturday was a bit of a learning curve for the both of them, Steve’s routine revolved around work and when he didn’t have work – the day before he did something he had never, _ever_ , done before, which was take a week off – It’d revolve around upkeeping the house, which included his guns, but with Nahele at the house, and the home inspection a prospect in the near future, all the guns, knives and weapons he had kept hidden around the house were locked in the cabinet beneath the stairs. Steve was going to need to actually do a bit of a remodel on that room to store everything the right way, but only when Nahele wasn’t at the house.

There were only two guns and one knife that weren’t on the cabinet beneath the stairs. One was his service weapon, that he bought a safe for to leave in his room, the other was hidden in a place only Danny knew and had yelled about it for hours, though they were both sure Nahele wouldn’t get it, much less use it, but Steve’s house had the tendency to be broken into.

The knife was under a false compartment in one of the kitchen drawers. That one only Steve knew about.

And with his cleaning habits disrupted and him being off work, Steve barely knew what to do with himself. Nahele didn’t seem much better, he was skittish as he walked around the house, sometimes he’d ask permission to watch TV, even though he never did before – or maybe it was Grace who’d always turn on the TV, Steve never noticed – Or to go to his room, and Steve kept saying that he didn’t need to, it was his house too, but Nahele would just nod and do it all over again.

Sunday rolled around and the whole team was going to come over for Christmas eve, because the mainland was covered in snow and Danny’s and Lou’s plan to go home for the holiday had been spoiled, and Steve could finally breathe easy because at least he had something _to do_ and he could put Nahele on easy tasks when Grace and Danny got there with Charlie to help set everything up for the party.

-

New York City may get all the credit with the holidays, but New Jersey knew how to make something jolly and cheerful just as well, even better, because they didn’t need to go _that_ big to do it right. Danny’s family home would look like the whole Christmas decorations around the city had spilled inside, his mother would spend the day in the kitchen with his aunts and cousins, he and sisters would drink and entertain the kids in the snow, while his father was running around the house doing a hundred things at once because nothing was ever ready for that man, his uncles would drink and laugh and laugh while they went around the house messing with his father and misplacing the ornaments on the tree.

So when his and the kids’ flight was cancelled, Danny’s mood soured. Then it was eleven in the morning and Grace came to him with: “Can we have lunch at mum’s and Stan’s house today?”

Danny’s mood was downright fowl after that.

“Why?”, he asked, frowning over at Grace, who just sat there beside in the leaving room, watching TV like she didn’t just ask him to willingly spend time with his ex-wife and her husband.

It had been years now, and they mostly got along, but the three of them knew to keep their encounters brief and to the point in order to not end up in a fight.

It was like that that Danny found himself actually liking Stan, if he didn’t stop to think about his constant travels and how his go to solution to any problem was to throw money at it. But, Stan took a bullet for Grace, he cared for Charlie and paid for his medical treatment even though he knew Charlie wasn’t his.

And if Charlie took ten minutes to get ready, he and Danny would talk about hockey and Stan would tell him about Charlie’s week, ask about Grace, and ask if he wanted to join them to go on a boat trip one of these days – Danny always said “ _I’ll think about it”_ – and then Charlie would come to the door with Rachel, and the conversation would end.

If the ten minutes turned into eleven, then all bets were off. Stan might mention some work thing he needed to go to, and Danny would say something too snarky and ten minutes later they’d be almost screaming at each other – either about the Devils versus Rangers, or about Danny’s or Stan’s involvement with the kids. Or Danny would mention Grace and Rachel’s fight in a throwaway comment, and Stan’s lips would purse, and his jaw would click, and he would end up making an excuse to come back inside or else they would be right back at screaming at each other over the same two things all over again.

So Grace’s suggestion to spend a whole meal together wasn’t the best.

But then, she bit her lip, glanced sideways to Danny and said, “I just thought it’d be nice to be with everybody on Christmas”, and if it wasn’t enough, she said, “I bet Charlie would like it too”.

Danny knew he had been played by his fourteen-year-old daughter, but he could do less to nothing when Grace said things like that.

So he called Rachel, who sounded as hesitant as Danny felt, set everything up, and by lunch time Danny parked on the mansion’s driveway, suddenly self-conscious that he only wore jeans and a t-shirt because they were going to Steve’s later to help with setting things up.

Charlie opened the door and ran towards them in the middle of the driveway. Danny caught him in his arms and thought that maybe it all would be worth it.

He walked towards the open front door with Grace by his side, and Charlie on his hip, Rachel coming up to greet them.

“He ran when he heard the car”, she said with a small smile.

And for a split second, Danny was back in New Jersey. Coming home to Rachel, their kids around them, a warm house waiting for him. And he looked at Rachel, she looked back at him like she thought the same thing, like she understood.

Danny stepped away then. Not the time. Not the place.

So many things had changed.

Stan came towards them holding a big barbecue fork, Grace went to hug him – she didn’t hug Rachel – and Stan leaned down to hug her back, holding the fork away from his body.

_This is a bad idea_ , was the thought making run arounds in Danny’s brain.

When the ten-minute mark was hit, they were sitting around the dining table, a giant round marble-top table, a food spread with salads and barbecued meat and way more food than they were going to eat and Danny didn’t want to be thinking about any of that and he thought if opened his mouth in the next ten seconds he was going to say the complete wrong thing.

“Can I – Can I say something?”, Grace started, eyes skidding around the table like she wasn’t sure who she was asking for permission.

All three adults looked at each other, Danny went ahead and said, “Of course, Monkey”.

Grace gnawed at her top lip and Danny knew whatever it was, it really mattered to her. She took three deep breaths before talking again, “I was talking to Uncle Steve a while ago”, was not the start Danny had been expecting, from the corner of his eyes he saw Rachel and Stan share a look, “And Nahele too, and we were talking about… well, about _our_ situation”, she gestured nervously at the people at the table, “And I said I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t happy with how things were –“.

“But Grace –“, Rachel started, leaning forward on the table, blouse almost getting on her plate.

“Rachel”, Danny interrupted her, voice in a warning, and she leaned back again, “Go on, Grace”.

Grace took three deep breaths again, “I wasn’t happy about how things were”, she said again, “And Nahele ask me what I wanted, like, what I wanted things to be like. And I couldn’t answer. So he told me to figure out what my options were.”

Those two were going to be the death of him, Danny was sure of it. And if Charlie grew up to be just like them, Danny was sure the three of them were going to be running circles around him even more than they already were.

“And I think I know now”, she paused, making a point to look at all of them, “I feel like I’m, we’re, in this limbo and it’s like we’re making our way back to how thing were before, before Charlie”, she eyed her little brother, who was watching everyone carefully, eating with his plastic cutlery messily, somehow he had a carrot piece on his hair, “So I guessed that was one option. Me and Charlie living here and being with Danno every other weekend”

Danny and Rachel looked at each other, Rachel leaning forward again, but Danny shook his head discretely and Rachel’s next breath was loud. Grace glanced at Rachel, hesitating even more. Then she looked back at Charlie and her eyes had their usual smart to them, like she was solving a puzzle in her head.

“But the thing is, we were living this huge _lie_. And I don’t want to go back to that, and I know things have been better, but it feels like things are only better when we don’t talk about it and _I wanna talk about it_ ”.

Danny would be so proud of Grace if he didn’t also feel like a huge schmuck. Looking around the table, Rachel and Stan didn’t look much better, though Rachel seemed one wrong word away from anger.

Obviously, that was when Grace said: “So I thought about what my options were, and I want to live with Danno, and not because me and mum are fighting, and not until we aren’t fighting again, I wanna live with Danno without having to wait for the other shoe to drop. And I...”.

Like they still had that mental connection from their marriage, Rachel and Danny looked at each other. Rachel’s face was red, and she shot up from her chair, its feet scrapping against the ceramic floors interrupting whatever Grace was going to say next. Danny took half a breath before Rachel bellowed: “You _told_ her to say this, _didn’t you?_ ”

Grace made to talk, but Danny just shook his head again. Grace took Charlie’s hand and helped him off the table, then leaving the kitchen. Danny looked at them go, heart growing three sizes inside his chest with affection, because Grace _wanted_ to live _with him_ , she wanted to be there. Then he looked back at Rachel, and his heart dropped back, so small it fell somewhere at his feet.

“Rachel, I didn’t. I swear I didn’t, okay? This is all coming from her”

Rachel smiled then, though it didn’t really look like a smile by the way it sat on her lips, “All her? Really? Like you haven’t been keeping her from me all these months”.

Danny’s pulse quickened, his blood running hot in his veins and he got up too, “ _I’m_ keeping her from you? _SHE ASKED TO LEAVE!_ ”, Danny saw Stan wince and reigned in his voice, “Rachel, you can’t keep _doing_ this”.

Rachel’s lips were pursed, much like Stan’s.

“Doing what, Daniel?”.

“ _Blaming me”_.

“It’s kinda of your fault though”, Stan said, still sitting.

“ _Excuse me?_ ”.

“You two. You had the affair”.

“Well, Stan, for once, I agree with you, my friend, you have nothing to do with this, huh?”.

Stan worked his jaw, his shoulders tensed like he was about to get up and Danny knew he was shorter than Stan, but he also knew that he wasn’t going to fight his kids’ stepdad on their living room.

“Danny, I think you need to leave”.

Danny remembered hearing those words almost ten years ago. They hurt more then.

“The kids are staying”, she then said, and Danny could barely breathe, even Stan looked startled.

“ _Why?_ Give me _one reason_ why they’re staying when _Grace just said she didn’t want to be here_. When we _agreed_ I had the kids for the holiday. Huh? Huh? Do I need to get my lawyer to include Grace on Charlie’s custody case?”.

“Rachel…”, Stan started, but Danny talked over whatever it was he was going to say.

“Listen to your daughter, Rach, _c’mon_. She said she’s unhappy, she said what was going to make her happy. Don’t you think I don’t get it? How it feels to never see my kid? Don’t you think I know it hurts? I know it does, and I may have wanted you to feel this way too when I first got here in this miserable island, but for everything we’ve been through, I don’t anymore. _I wouldn’t have told Grace to live with me if I knew she didn’t want to_. And I wouldn’t do it just to hurt you”.

Rachel crumbled back in her chair, face in her hands, breathing heavily. Stan glanced at Danny before putting an awkward arm around her shaking shoulders.

Danny didn’t know if he should leave.

“I’m sorry, alright?”, she said in between her hands, “ _I’m sorry_. I just don’t know what to do anymore”, and Danny thought she meant more than he probably knew about.

Danny crouched down carefully in front of Rachel, not really trying to touch her or to even make her look at him, he just needed to be on the same level.

“I know, okay? But Grace is right, we can’t keep ignoring the elephant in the room, we have to talk about this”.

“Not today, though”, Stan amended.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure we don’t to spend our Christmas like this”, Danny lighten his voice and Rachel let out a sound between a laugh and a sob.

Danny left after that, not wanting to press his luck while he stuffed a quiet Charlie in his car seat, and a much quieter Grace on the backseat.

“We’ll talk about it later, okay?”, Danny said, staring at her through the rear-view mirror.

“I’m sorry, Danno”, she said, but she was looking out the window.

“Monkey, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, you hear me?”, he turned back on his seat, his back almost cracking as he snaked his hand around in the space between the two front seats. Grace squeezed his hand and he tried smiling over his shoulder, but Grace didn’t smile back.

-

It wasn’t often Steve had the house full on actual Christmas Eve, most years they would have a party a couple days early, because everyone would end up with other plans on the actual day. Lou would go to Chicago, Danny to Jersey, Chin and Kono had hundreds of family members to choose from on the island, Jerry would visit his mom.

Sometimes Steve would visit Mary or Deb on the mainland, mostly he’d just stay in, visit his dad’s grave during the day, make himself dinner at night.

Steve remembered the Christmas’ when he was deployed, or the Christmas’ with Freddy’s parents, the cold and the snow, the postcard perfect scenario around him. He knew Danny missed that kind of thing, but the warm Hawaiian night, the sea breeze and the twinkle lights spread around his house, the stocking he got specially for him and Nahele hanging on the banister right besides the door, so “Santa can get to it real fast, because Hawaii doesn’t have fireplaces”, or so Charlie said. Steve wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

He had his kid under his roof, Lou and Renee in a mix between being frustrated their flights were cancelled and happy they didn’t have to face Chicago’s winter. Chin and Abby with Kono and Adam, happy to spend a couple of hours there before they had to go to their aunts’ parties. Jerry brought his mom for once, Noelani was talking shyly to them, still getting used to being part of the group. Kamekona and Flippa said they were coming later, promising to bring some music and carolling.

Then there was Danny.

Danny, who got there after lunch and quietly fixed the Christmas tree with Nahele and Charlie, so distracted he almost hung Charlie’s toys in the tree instead of the ornaments, while Grace quietly helped Steve around in the kitchen.

Something had happened and whatever it was, it had been big, and it had been bad.

But Steve said he’d stop pushing Danny, so he didn’t press on it the whole afternoon. Steve had just looked at Nahele inquisitively, who shrugged, confusion reflected in his eyes.

“Are you guys ever going to talk about whatever it was that happened, that made you so weird this past week?”, Chin asked, coming to stand by Steve’s side next to table where he was setting the food.

“I have no idea what’re you talking about”, Steve said, stalling as he rearranged some of the plates around.

“Steve, c’mon”, Chin insisted, glass of beer he had in his hand shaking as he tapped Steve’s shoulder with the other hand, “You already told me things had been different, than the next week you guys are barely talking and if you were talking, it was more like screams. So, what happened?”

Steve shook his head and gave up on setting the dining room table.

“Nothing happened, Chin, or at least not what you’re thinking about. We just had a fight, but it’s over now”.

Chin didn’t look convinced, he just raised an eyebrow and pointedly looked at where Danny was sitting on the couch by the Christmas tree, Charlie in his lap starting to nod off, and Adam talking quietly to him.

“Are you sure? Because, as Lou would say, _your boy_ has been all over the place, he almost gave Charlie _sweets_ just now”.

But Steve just shook his head again, “No, no, that’s something else”.

One of Chin’s eyebrows went up again, “You sure?”.

“Positive”.

Chin looked more convinced, but not completely.

“ _Well_ , what’re we gonna do about it then?”, he asked, giving Steve some pause.

“There’s nothing _to do_ , he won’t talk, and I said I wouldn’t push anymore”.

Now Chin just looked annoyed, which clued in Steve of how invested the guy really was, “Steve, if this was before things… _changed_ between you two, would you have left it alone like you’re doing?”

_Probably not_.

The night went on, Chin and Kono had to leave, Kamekona and Flippa came and sang, they ate and made jokes, Steve called Mary, then called his mom – he got in a five minute call – then he held Charlie’s hand as the boy went around the house saying Merry Christmas to everyone before he fell asleep on Steve’s arm, and by midnight everyone had trickled out and made their way to their own houses.

Everyone but Danny.

Danny stayed and helped him clean up, probably biding his time because Charlie was asleep in the new guest bedroom – the twin beds he said he would put up, had arrived a few weeks ago – and Danny didn’t want to wake him. Grace was helping Danny in the kitchen and Steve sent Nahele to bed before he tried helping too, his wrist was still bothering him, Steve saw him wince several times during the night, and Steve told him to take a painkiller the doctor prescribed and that would probably knock him out in a few minutes.

Steve had been finishing sweeping the living room – he never seen so many crumbs on his floors – when he heard Danny and Grace talking in low voices. He heard in Graces voice words like _mum, wasting time_ and _going back_. He heard Danny’s louder voice carry words and phrases like _Living with me, your mum loves you_ and _fault_.

Steve made quick work around the living room, any stray napkins or glass marks on the table were cleaned, then he made his way to the dining room, deciding against putting the furniture back in their places so not to wake the boys sleeping upstairs.

He walked into the kitchen when he stopped hearing hushed voices, and found Danny leaning down to hug Grace, both standing by the sink, Danny’s hands still had some suds on it that were sipping into Grace’s hair.

“Oh, sorry, guys”, he said to announce himself, “Everything alright?”.

Grace pulled back before Danny did, wiping at her red-rimmed eyes, sniffing, but she was smiling, even if it was a shaky smile at best.

“Everything’s fine, Uncle Steve.”, she looked back at Danny, who smiled back at her and resumed washing the dishes, “I – I took ‘Hele’s advice today”, she said, and probably saw Steve’s confusion in his face as she went on to say, “When you guys talked to me about me and mum”, she leaned against the counter, like she still needed something to support her. Steve motioned to the table at the middle of the kitchen and they both sat down on the stools beside it.

Grace told him about the lunch, and about Rachel’s anger, how she wanted to live with Danny.

“I grew up living with mum, and I don’t remember much before the divorce, so I guess I just want to spend some time living with Danno full-time, you know?”.

Steve smiled, because he was sure Danny had to be melting inside because of it. Grace coming to live with him, it probably was the one thing he always wanted ever since coming to Hawaii, just to see his daughter everyday.

The thought of it all made Steve reach out his hand, and Grace smiled wider before taking it, her hand so small, Steve felt too rough holding it.

“But there was so much stuff I wanted to say to mum and Stan”, she continued, frowning slightly, her big dark eyes on their hands over the table, “But mum got so angry, I didn’t want to make it worse”.

“We’ll talk more later, Monkey”, Danny said, turning slightly away from the sink and towards them, “We’ll have as many lunches and dinners there as we can, okay? Until you said everything you need to say”.

Grace nodded, biting at her lip, “Yeah, okay”.

Then she let out a big yawn that made her eyes water again, and she smiled embarrassed at Steve. Then, her whole face changed, like an actual monkey had flicked a switch in her mind, and she looked between Steve and Danny, bit her lip again, and said in the most tired of voices.

“I’m pretty beat, Danno”.

Danny’s head turned toward her, “I’m almost done, Monkey, we’ll go home in a bit”.

“You can leave, Danny, I’ll finish up”, Steve offered, already getting up.

He was halfway into letting go of Grace’s hand when she said, “Actually, maybe we could stay. Right? The guest bedroom is done, Charlie’s already there anyway, no reason to wake him just to go home”, then she turned back to Steve, “Can’t we, Uncle Steve?”

Steve was pretty sure he was about to be played by a fourteen-year-old.

“Hey, hey”, Danny turned completely from the sink, pointing a suds-full finger at Grace, “What’re you doing? Hold your horses there, Grace, we can’t just barge in like this in other people’s houses”.

Now Steve frowned.

“ _Other people?_ Now I’m other people?”.

Danny rolled his eyes, “Get it together, Steve, you know what I mean”.

“ _No, I don’t_ , do explain it to me, Danny”.

Danny huffed, mumbling a bunch of half words before turning back to the sink to wash the suds out of his hands and turning back to Steve and Grace, hands already flying around in wild gesture before he even started speaking again, “I just mean – you know, like, in general, we, me and Grace, and Charlie too, we didn’t give you any heads up that we’d be staying here. Therefore, barging in. And, well, you’re you, so, therefore, other people. You”.

Steve made a face and turned to Grace, “Did you get any of that?”

The corners of her mouth turned up as she said, “No, I don’t think _I did get_ any of that, Uncle Steve”.

Danny groaned, glancing up to the ceiling in a deep breath, “You guys are unbelievable. Ask your Uncle Steve if it’s okay first, Monkey”, he said in a defeated tone, already turning back to the sink because he probably knew what Steve’s answer was going to be.

Grace turned dutifully to him, but she was bouncing in her seat, “Uncle Steve, is it okay if we sleepover tonight?”, she asked.

Steve turned mock-serious as he said, “Well, of course, Grace”, then he smiled, “You can head up, there’s some sheets in the wardrobe and if you want a sleep shirt you can get one from my dresser. You know your way around the guest bathroom, right?”.

She smiled while nodding enthusiastically, hopping off the stool to give Steve a hug saying, _“Thank you, thank you, thank you”_ , then she hugged Danny, before darting out of the kitchen.

Steve watched her go and turned to face an amused look on Danny’s face, albeit a bit annoyed.

“You know you just got played by my teen daughter, right?”.

Steve just shrugged, “It’s okay, I like having you guys around. Well, your kids, the jury’s still out on you”.

He heard Danny huff out a laugh, head turned to the sink again.

Steve got up and hip-checked him out of the way as he said, “C’mon, let me finish this up”.

Danny stumbled sideways, still holding a plate in his hands, “You’re an absolute animal”, he grumbled, giving the plate to Steve and drying his hands on the dish rag he had over his shoulder.

“You love me”.

Danny hummed and put the dish rag over Steve’s shoulder then.

“Guess I’ll go make myself comfortable on the couch”, he said, turning away.

For one second, just a split second, Steve almost said, _“Come sleep with me”_. As if he had any right to, as if Danny already knew about Steve and his feelings for him.

Steve clamped his mouth shut and heard Danny’s steps as he walked away.

He finished the dishes, cleaned the kitchen and locked all the doors as he made his way through the house turning off the lights. He found Danny sitting sideways on the couch, watching TV with the volume really low, feet over the cushions, wearing Steve’s shrunk sweatpants and an old Navy t-shirt.

“Are you wearing my socks?”, Steve asked.

Danny glanced his way, “Aside from my boxers, everything is yours, babe”, he said with a straight face, like that wasn’t the dirtiest thing Danny had ever said to Steve.

Steve almost choked on spit, but somehow turned it into a throat clearing.

“My, uh, my socks keep disappearing, I guess I know where to now”.

Danny just shrugged, “I can neither confirm nor deny”.

Steve shook his head, then looked at the TV, barely hearing it as the commercials started.

“I’ll turn it off in a few”, Danny said, looking up at Steve.

Steve turned to look at him, the droop in his eyes, the way he was snuggled against the couch cushions like he could sink right through them. Steve plopped down on the couch by Danny’s feet, pulling them over his lap.

They sat there, watching some soap opera where a woman got really carried away slapping people’s faces, until Danny yawned, pushed his feet against Steve’s legs, and settled further down on the couch. Steve watched the woman throw three more slaps before turning to Danny again and saw his eyes had drifted shut.

He got up and settled Danny’s feet back on the couch, then threw the blanket Danny had sat aside over the coffee table over him, and quietly climbed up the stairs and into his room.

He laid awake for a long time.

-

Danny laid there, eyes wide open against the dark house, the sound of the ocean like a soft murmur against the creaking of the wood around the house, and he let himself think it. Just this once, he’d tried it out in his mind. He laid there and he thought about what it would feel like _to be_ with Steve.

-

Steve woke up with the sound of the lanai doors opening and closing.

His eyes were instantly opened, the room still dark, and he threw his legs over the bed, quickly messing with the safe by his bed to get his SIG. Steve walked quickly but silently through the house, avoiding the steps on the stairs he knew creaked, he cleared the living room, went into the kitchen and cleared it too, then went to the dining room, when he saw a flop of blond hair sticking out of one of the chairs by the sea.

He looked back into the living room, realising he missed that Danny was supposed to be on the couch. Steve let out a deep breath in relief and made his way to the lanai after resetting the alarm in the house.

“You know I almost shot you?”, he said in lieu of a greeting, holding his gun up to emphasize his point.

Danny jumped slightly as he turned to look at him, face almost completely in the shadows. “Hey, did I wake you?”

“Yeah, the lanai door need some tinkering for that noise they keep making”, Steve answered, sitting down beside him and putting the SIG by his leg on the chair, it kept digging into his thigh but he rather that than put it on the sand.

The sky was dark, the moon just a slither on top of them, he could hear the ocean roaring, but could barely see it, coming and going.

“Couldn’t sleep?”, Steve asked, because he didn’t want to tiptoe around Danny anymore.

“Not really”.

Steve didn’t know how much passed as they listened to the wind rumble against the sea, making goosebumps against Steve’s arms. He kept coming up with different ways to approach Danny about their fight and about talking about it, kept thinking about what he wanted to tell Danny, and why he didn’t want to tell Danny about him or about Freddy.

In the end, Danny beat him to it.

“I’m sorry I got so defensive about my whole… insomnia thing”, Danny said, and when Steve turned to look at him, Danny was staring at the darkness in front of them.

“Why did you?”, Steve asked, urging him not to shut him out again.

The waves crashed in front of them once, twice and three times, before Danny spoke again.

“I was so scared Rachel would leave me, back in Jersey, if I talked about the job or about the cases that were bothering me. When I first got shot was probably when she realised how dangerous it all was, and I started to feel like I needed to hide my badge before I got home. So she could feel safe. Then when Grace was born and started asking questions, I – I didn’t want her to worry, and, well, traumatize her, and Rachel didn’t want anything related to police work near Grace and I guess I…”, Danny paused, Steve was staring at him, so he could see the way his silhouette breathed in deep, even though the strong wind muted the sound, “I just stopped talking about the things that worry me and that affect me”

“So people won’t leave”, Steve added, like a puzzle piece just found its place in his head.

Steve wished he could see Danny then, not just his shadow against the wind and the trees.

“Yeah”, the wind brought him Danny’s voice in a whisper.

Then, more forcefully, “Look, I didn’t say it made sense”, Danny’s hands started to wave around, “But I thought about it, and this’s what I came up with –“.

Steve interrupted him by grabbing Danny’s hands as it flew near him. Danny almost pulled it away, but then he squeezed it tighter.

“ _Danny_ , it’s fine. I get it, I really do.”, Steve said.

The sand was cool and damp where it touched against Steve’s feet, and he fought the urge to take his feet out of the slippahs and dig his toes in it. He fought the urge to tell Danny everything, right then and there. He focused on Danny’s hand instead, the skin rough against Steve’s callous palm, warm against the cool ocean breeze around them.

“I know you wouldn’t leave, y’know”, Danny kept talking softly, “Or at least, rationally I know that. But I also know I have no control over how you react to things, that one of these days we will be shot in the skies again and that might just be it for you. I know you won’t leave because you _want_ to, but a lot things can make that choice for you. And I knew that if I told you the truth about this, you would blame yourself, for whatever reason, you’d find a way to take the blame, and I didn’t want that either. So I guess I just – I just pushed back on you trying to help”.

Oh, how that man knew him, it was frightening and so annoying sometimes.

Steve squeezed Danny’s hand back.

“I won’t leave, Danny”, he said, but he meant it as something else.

“I know”, Danny said, like he meant something else too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song I forget where we were, by Ben Howard
> 
> wooo big chapter this one, but there was a big gap between 7x13 and the second half of the season that I wanted to write and it isn't canon episode related. Also you might notice that there are parts of the dialogue from 8x06 - one of my favorite eps tbh - and you'll see why it's here instead of the season 8 plotline later.  
> Also I think dropped the fic title the most on this one.
> 
> hope you guys enjoyed things so far!


	10. My fear in lights

-

_2017 had a full start:_

-

New Year’s passed with the team at Kono and Adam’s house, in the back by the picnic table, watching the skies as fireworks blew across the night. Nahele had the biggest smile on his face and Steve could barely look away as warmth spread in his chest.

Then the first week of 2017 was over and Nahele could take off his splint and Ms. Prescott called in so Steve would take Nahele back to the group home on Sunday. It felt like ice in his veins.

His house never felt so empty like it did the next Monday, Steve went to pick Nahele up to go to school just so he could see that the kid still existed. He got in at HQ a whole two hours before he was supposed to be in for work but could barely care.

Steve finally finished his CPS classes, officially declared that Danny would be a temporary guardian for Nahele if Steve ever needed to get away for a few days, Mr. Asano kept eating up half their meetings time talking to Danny about his custody battles with Rachel, and by the end of January Danny had fired his old lawyer and hired Mr. Asano and they would do back-to-back meetings with him.

Mr. Asano kept referring to them as a couple no matter how many times they said it wasn’t like that. Steve stopped correcting him after the tenth time, Danny still did though.

Nahele was taking extra shifts at Kamekona’s now that the football season was over, helping Flippa with his new truck and trying to keep the two cousins away from each other’s throats. Steve still sent him hourly reminders to stretch his wrists though.

By the end of the third week of January, Danny had his individual psych eval and went back to their therapist to get the prescription for the sleeping pills, under strict orders of how to take them.

Steve was still convincing him to see a psychologist regularly. He was considering doubling his efforts and recruiting Grace for the task too. The only reason he hadn’t yet was because he had the increasing feeling that Danny would convince Grace to get Steve to go to a therapist too.

Things almost felt normal.

It didn’t last long.

-

“I want us to have a meal together, all of us, at least twice a month”, Grace said, her best negotiator voice on.

“Yes! I want to see Danno and Grace all the time too!”, Charlie chimed in from his spot on the floor, holding his toy car high above his head in excitement.

They were all gathered on Danny’s living room, because last time on Christmas it had been on Stan’s house – and Danny almost didn’t leave with his kids – and Grace wanted Rachel to compromise.

Rachel and Stan were sitting on the couch, Grace and Danny on each armchair beside it, Charlie on the floor in between all of them.

When they arrived, it dawned on Danny that Stan had never seen the inside of his house, and Danny got suddenly very self-conscious of his modest looking home. He loved it and loved that he didn’t have to settle for a pull-out couch anymore on a one-bedroom apartment, but with Stan there, his comfy and warm house almost felt like those ratty old places he lived in when he first got to the island.

Even his nice couch seemed too small for Stan and Rachel.

“That’s doable, right?”, Danny asked the other two adults, though he hated the idea of it so much he felt like grinding his teeth. But for Grace he would it and more. They all would.

That’s probably why Stan and Rachel shared a look before Rachel smiled tightly to Grace and said, “Sure, we can do that”.

Grace nodded. She was sitting with her hands beneath her thighs, uncertain eyes darting between all her parents.

“And I want you to tell me when you’re lying”, she said, making everybody frown.

“Grace –“, Danny started, but she shook her head and he took a sharp breath before she kept talking.

“I know how that sounds”, She said, shoulder rising to her ears for a second, “I know there’s stuff you guys think it’s better not to tell me and Charlie, so I want to be at least given a heads-up. That what you guys are saying isn’t the whole truth”.

“How would that even work, Grace?”, Stan asked.

Danny couldn’t believe he was about to agree with Stan, “Yeah, Monkey, it’s kinda confusing.”

She huffed and rolled her eyes like they were being obtuse, her hands got out from beneath her thighs and she started waving them around as she talked, “Like, I don’t know, you guys can just say it, and not say it’s _‘grown-up’_ stuff or make up some lie like I’m still a baby”.

“So I’ll say something similar to, _‘This is isn’t the complete truth, but...’_ ”, Rachel started but her frown just deepened as she couldn’t find what else to say, “Isn’t it still lying, honey?”.

“Well, you guys have to promise me to tell me the truth when you can later”.

“Grace –“, Danny tried again.

“I just don’t wanna be blindsided again, okay?”, she snapped, scowling at her lap.

All three parents sighed and looked sheepish at their daughter.

“We’ll try, okay, Monkey?”, Danny compromised.

Grace looked at him, clearly unhappy, but nodded anyway.

“I wanna go to Uncle Steve’s house more!”, Charlie chimed in, somewhat oblivious to the tension on the room as he looked up at Danny.

Danny gulped, tried to smile, but felt Rachel staring at him as he said, “I’ll ask him if we can come by next time, okay, buddy?”.

Charlie pouted, “He should be here too, Danno, it’s family time”.

This kid was gonna kill him, now both Stan and Rachel were staring at him.

“What about he comes next time, huh?”, Grace said excitedly to her little brother, who let a happy _“yay”_ , and made car noises as he ran his car back and forth on the rug his was on.

“Grace, I don’t think it’s appropriate for Commander McGarrett to come”, Rachel said, leaning forward on the couch as she eyed both her children carefully.

He couldn’t believe he was about to agree with Rachel, “She’s right, Monkey, Steve doesn’t want to be in the middle of this”.

But Grace rolled her eyes, “Have you asked, Danno? We should ask if he wants to come”.

Danny glanced at Rachel and Stan, they seemed to be both as hesitant as him.

“If he wants to come, then fine”, Stan decided in the end.

-

Steve was never the kind of guy to take his vacation days unless forced. In more than one occasion during his time in the Navy, his C.O. had to threaten him to make him take some R&R – the threats usually involved telling Joe. They usually worked.

When Valentine’s Day was coming around, and every store on the island was becoming increasingly pink and red with hearts and flowers, Nahele’s mood seemed to grow sourer.

When he brought this to Danny, he said the worst possible combination of words: “Maybe he got dumped”.

“He doesn’t have a girlfriend”.

“Well, not anymore he doesn’t”.

“He _didn’t_ have a girlfriend”.

“That you know of”.

So he brought the issue to Lou, “Just ask him, man, ain’t nobody got time to figure out what’s going on in a teenager’s head”.

“Why do you think I’m asking you? I don’t want to ask him!”.

Lou just threw him one of his signature “I’m done with your shit” looks.

“You’re the closest thing that kid has to a parent, you’re gonna have to do a buttload of things you don’t wanna do”.

Steve huffed and puffed, caught a case, went home to try to make dinner and bring it up, went to sleep, didn’t take his morning swim so he could try to bring it up again, went to work, solved the case, listened to Danny rant at him for a good forty minutes, and went to pick up Nahele from school.

They were sitting in traffic, the truck’s engine rumbling low and shaking the cabin softly. Nahele was telling him about his chemistry project Steve could help him with and Steve was trying to keep up, but his mind kept chanting _“ask him, ask him, just_ ask him _”_.

“Valentine’s Day is coming up” he said unprompted when the conversation lulled.

Nahele looked at him confused, “You going on a date?”.

It was Steve’s turn to be confused, “Me? No, no plans. I was… wondering if you did. Have anything planned, I mean”.

And then the kid looked sad again. He looked down at his own lap, fidgeting with his hands.

“Nah”, he said.

For a second Steve thought he might elaborate on that, but the silenced extended and the traffic moved. Nahele sniffed. Steve felt a pang in his chest, so he pointed the truck to the curb and parked.

“Hey”, he try softening his voice, reaching out his hand to Nahele’s shoulder, “What’s going on?”

Nahele sniffed again and looked out of the window.

“My mom.”, it was all he said for a while, “She used to take me to the beach on Valentine’s Day,”, he smiled then, a little thing playing on his lips like he wasn’t sure about it “Back when, uh, back when dad was in jail. We’d stay at these crappy seaside motels, we’d play volleyball at the beach, she’d teach me how to surf… It was nice.” He breathed in deeply, looking back at Steve for a second before looking out again, “I just hadn’t thought about in a while, and with, uh, with everything else, I thought about it again and I guess I just miss it”.

And something twisted inside Steve’s chest again, and the next day he found himself filling out the forms to use a couple of his vacation days. It took some pull to find a nice hotel that wasn’t solidly booked for the holiday, but he eventually got it. Then he had a heated conversation with Child Protective Services about taking the kid for a couple days, and everything was going according to plan. He told Nahele his plans, and the kid seemed as surprised as he was excited, so that seemed good.

“I never stayed at a place like this before”, he said as they made their way through the hotel lobby, “How did you get Kamekona to switch my shifts?”.

“Pfft, nothing, I’m a SEAL, I can be pretty convincing”.

Nahele levelled him with a look on the elevator and Steve caved. Danny was so right to call him a push-over when it came to this – _his_ – kid.

“I gotta eat three meals there for the next two weeks. And maybe try to drag the others too. It’s fine”, his cholesterol was going to take a climb, but it was fine.

Nahele just shook his head, smiling quietly.

“Thank you, for doing this I mean”, he said then.

Steve let go of their bags to put a hand on the kid’s shoulders, “Don’t need to thank me, keiki”.

So they settled on the suite, Nahele asked if he could go down to the pool and Steve still found weird to be asked permission for things. Steve grabbed a beer from the minibar and went to balcony, taking in the view. _This was a good call_ , he thought to himself contently.

And then he spotted him.

Danny.

Danny on the balcony right next to his.

Danny on the balcony right next to his with a beer on his own hand.

“Why”, Danny bluntly asked, hands flailing.

“What”, it was all Steve’s mind could come up with.

Then: “Danno! Look who I found!”, Grace came into view then, bringing Nahele in tow, looking sheepish.

“Yeah, Monkey, look who I found too!”, Danny gestured to him and Grace smiled widened.

“Hey, Gracie”, Steve waved weakly.

“Uncle Steve, hi! Maybe this isn’t going to be completely boring now!”.

“Hey!”, Danny exclaimed, but the teens had already left again, screaming over their shoulders they were going to the beach.

Steve shook his head and bent down to put his elbows on the rail, looking at Danny beneath the blazing Hawaiian sun.

“What’re you doing here, Danny?”, he asked loudly over the wind.

Danny hang his head down for a second, looking as in disbelief as Steve felt.

“I got this spa thing for Grace, so we could spend some quality time together”, Danny screamed back, “I wanted to do something nice, y’know? Since everything with Rachel at Christmas, she’s been having a rough time!”.

Steve nodded; Danny kept going: “I didn’t know you were coming here with the kid! When you said you were taking him to a vacation, I thought you guys wouldn’t stay on the island!”

Steve shrugged, about to scream his explanation back when he realised, he could just walk over to the other room and speak like a normal person. He gesticulated that and made his over, finding Danny still at the same spot, but this time his back turned to the railing.

"You know you can't drink, right?", Danny said, nodding to the bottle on Steve's hand.

Steve huffed before stuffing it on the minibar there.

“I figured staying here would be just as good as a vacation, but without the hassle of traveling. Also, I don’t think I can take Nahele off the island”, he explained then, mirroring Danny’s position on the balcony railing.

Danny nodded.

“Grace doesn’t mind not spending Valentine’s Day with Will?”, Steve asked.

Danny shrugged, “She said she didn’t like Valentine’s Day anyway, that she and Will could go on dates any other day”, he shrugged again, “what about Nahele? Anyone he could be spending Valentine’s with instead of your sorry ass?”.

Steve huffed, thinking about the unopened beer just there.

“I’m starting to worry he doesn’t have a lot of friends. Don’t really know what to do about it though. I know he likes Grace, and Lou’s kids. But none of them are his age or go to his school”.

“I can’t believe I’m going to say this but listen to Grover. Just talk to the kid”.

Steve sighed, “Yeah”.

Steve watched Danny finish his beer and they went to find their kids on the pool. Grace was taking a bunch of pictures with Nahele, telling him to smile and to tag her on his own pictures, but Nahele just kept making ugly faces at the camera.

Danny and him settled on some chairs by the pool next to them. Steve caught Nahele pointing his cell’s camera at them a few times, so he waved a bit and tried annoying Danny into waving too. He also caught the two teens talking to each other like conspirators, but guessed they were just talking about something he would not understand in the slightest.

And then, somehow, like it was the natural thing to do, their two vacations suddenly became a joined one.

They played volleyball at the beach, Nahele exclaiming that his thing was football every time he missed a point. During lunch, Grace announced that she roped – her words, not Steve’s – Nahele into going to some of the spa things that Danny wouldn’t like with her.

“I don’t really see you doing mani-pedi’s, Danno”, she said.

“And you see me _?”,_ Nahele all but grumbled, but he was smiling.

-

It had been six months since their liver surgery and after going to their monthly check-up just the week before, the doctor gave Danny and his liver the all-clear. Steve’s recovery was taking its time – if you asked Danny, he’d say it was all the building jumping and general _McGarrett Craziness_ that was slowing it down – And he had to wait for their next check-up to be cleared for “lightweight” – _very_ lightweight – drinking.

So, when Grace wanted to do Yoga, and Steve and Nahele followed, Danny took the time away from the others to sit by the beach under a large umbrella, day drink and try not to think about anything.

Not think about the fact that Grace’s deal with Rachel, Stan and him resulted in monthly fights and all three parents unable to compromise on anything. Danny still hadn’t told Steve that Grace wanted him to go to their family gatherings too. Grace was getting increasingly annoyed at him and would most likely take matters in her own hands soon.

Not think about the fact that he had stuffed his sleeping pills at the bottom of his bag before coming to the hotel – The therapist recommended taking them if he had several sleepless nights in a row, and Danny had been following that rule to the letter. He was also putting the pills next to his service weapon inside the safe in his room back at the house – Because he knew he slept better with them, and that was one the day where he didn’t want to worry Grace with his tossing and turning, and now that he knew Steve was in the room right next door, he definitely didn’t want to risk screaming in his sleep again, last the super SEAL heard it.

Which brought him to the last thing he wanted not to think about. Steve.

Steve, who was basically co-parenting his kid – and Danny’s kids – with him. Steve who danced with him at Max’s party, his cheek glued to Danny’s temple, whispering things that made Danny’s heart beat louder and louder against Steve’s chest, settling a disquieted thing deep inside Danny’s head. Steve who still gave him the run around about all the things that happened to him that would have brought a lesser man to his knees, but Steve just carried it all on his shoulders. Steve, who had carved himself a place in Danny’s heart he couldn’t and didn’t want to fill with anything – anyone – else.

No, he didn’t want to think about that.

Which it went to hell when he spotted Steve coming up to him not even twenty minutes later, hands shoved in his pockets, shoulders relaxed and a lazy smile on his lips.

From time to time he would remember that scene, to remind himself how Steve looked like when he was at peace.

“Hey”, Steve said, sitting down next to him on the sand.

“Tired of yoga?”, Danny asked, handing Steve a water bottle from the cooler next to him.

“Man, I’m too old to bend that way, it’s insane”. Danny almost choked on his beer “Grace was doing great though, Nahele was struggling a bit too but he seemed to enjoy it as least”.

Danny just nodded, looking out to the ocean.

“Hey”, Steve said again, nudging him with his shoulder. “If you want some alone time with Grace, just say the word, man, it’s fine. I just like seeing Nahele with friends”.

Danny looked at him then, rolling his eyes.

“It’s fine. If I want alone time, I’ll let you know somehow”.

“Like a safe word?”

Danny shrugged, he didn’t mind Grace spending time with Nahele either, especially if it was to make the kid a little bit happier and in turn make Steve a little bit happier too. “Sure”, it was what he said.

They stared at the ocean, the people running around the beach, surf boards flying over the waves every time someone wiped out. Moments of quiet between them were rare and far in between.

Proven by the fact that Steve interrupted it with: “Chicken salad”.

“What?”, Danny frowned at him.

“Chicken salad. That can be the safe word”.

Danny huffed out a laugh, “Sure, I’ll try to weave ‘chicken salad’ into a normal human conversation”.

They stared into the ocean some more, until the sun started to dip into the horizon and the wind started to chill. The kids found them when the sky started to darken and they were packing up to leave. Steve watched them come closer through the pools and turned back to Danny.

“I’m glad you guys are here”, Steve whispered.

Danny looked at their kids, then back to him, “Me too, buddy”.

-

Steve was giddy.

He didn’t plan to have a couple of vacation days with Danny and Grace, but it all worked out so well he was sure that if he had planned it, it probably wouldn’t have worked at all.

He was giddy. And maybe with a bit of jitters, though he couldn’t figure out why, this was _Danny_.

“You okay, Commander?”, Nahele asked as Steve rubbed his hands against his thighs for the eleventh time in so many minutes.

“Sure, everything’s fine”, he said, because he had no idea why it wouldn’t be.

They met Danny and Grace at the restaurant by the pool. He and Danny ordered burgers – it kind of had become their thing to order at hotels since their somewhat “Partners’ therapy” weekend – Grace wanted some pasta and Nahele was having trouble picking.

“I’m sorry”, the kid kept saying, looking almost frantically through the menu.

“Hey, it’s okay, pick whatever you want”, Steve said, throwing a glance to Danny to gauge what he was thinking.

“I – I don’t know. I’m – “, Nahele clamped his mouth shut and looked away.

“What’s wrong? Talk to me”, Steve murmured, lowering his head a bit to look at the kid at his eye level.

“I’m not sure I even know what half this stuff is”, Nahele murmured back.

Grace looked surprised. Danny was just looking at Steve expectantly. Right, he was the parent figure, he needed to do or say something.

“Just order the burger with me and Danny, if you want, it’s fine.”

Nahele nodded, but he still seemed frazzled as they waited for their food to get there. Grace kept trying to start conversations with him, but he only answered with nods or with barely more than one syllable words. Steve felt like he failed somehow.

He didn’t do well with failure.

As he laid in bed that night, the only thing in his mind was Nahele’s anxious face, and how he thought back to six months ago, how oblivious he’d been to Nahele’s grief, how he broke down crying as Steve held him.

Giving up on sleep, Steve got up and went to the balcony, dragging a chair out with him. He stared out into the horizon, the moon high above him, lighting up the sea bellow.

He could only remember what it felt like to have a parent who kept missing out on the signs, or in his dad’s case completely ignored the signs. How many times he tried telling his dad how lonely he felt all the way across the globe? How he wanted to come back home? Looking back, he was sure his dad knew, which didn’t make things better. He didn’t know if it make things worse.

It all came back to a little voice in his head, telling him that Nahele deserved better, so much better, than what Steve had to offer.

“I thought I’d find you out here”, came Danny’s voice through the soft wind.

Steve’s head snapped up and he turned to see Danny standing at his own balcony, soft pyjamas pants and a t-shirt Steve was pretty sure was his. Something in his chest tightened.

“Hey”, he didn’t know what else to say.

“Do you remember Lynn?”, Danny asked unexpectedly.

Steve got up to approach the railing and get closer to Danny.

“Do _I_ remember Lynn? The girl _I_ dated? Yeah, I remember Lynn.”

Danny rolled his eyes, or at least it looked like he did, it was pretty dark. Steve felt like he was allowed to stare as much as he wanted.

“Maybe you should reach out. You said she was a youth psychologist, right? For kids in the system. Maybe she could help you navigate things with Nahele. Or maybe she knows someone that can. You also said you guys broke up amicably, so she’ll probably not dodge your calls”.

Steve really didn’t know what he’d do without Danny.

He stared at the other man for a long time before saying anything.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s a… great idea actually”, he cleared his throat.

“Yeah, well, I have my moments”, Danny sounded like he was smiling.

Steve smiled too.

Then he looked back at Danny and the darkness around them.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”, he asked.

Danny’s head hung low. He probably sighed. Then he looked back at Steve, “I drank today”, he said.

“Yeah? I saw, what about it? The doctor said you could months back”

Danny’s head went side to side, “Yeah, but, y’know, the sleeping pills are really strong, and I just thought I probably shouldn’t mix it with a liver full of mimosas”.

“Huh”, Steve’s head tilted forward a bit as he frowned slightly, “Makes sense, I guess”, he said, Danny shrugged, “So, no sleep tonight?”.

Danny shrugged again, “Don’t think so”.

Steve sighed.

“C’mere”, he said then, and tilted his head towards the door.

Danny’s posture was uncertain, but Steve watched as he got out of the balcony and made his way into his own suite. Steve followed to meet him in the hallway.

“I’m not leaving Grace alone sleeping there”, Danny whispered to him as they met face to face.

Steve waved his hand at him, “I’m not leaving Nahele either”.

Danny looked unimpressed at him, “So this was your big plan? Whisper in the hallway, in the middle of the night right after Valentine’s Day? We’ll probably hear some stuff I had no intention on hearing today”.

Steve grimaced and they paused, like they were really listening in for any weird moans from the other rooms.

Nothing, aside from the hotel’s air ventilation system wheezing.

Steve breathed in and sat down on the floor, back to the wall between the doors to the rooms. He patted the spot next to him when Danny just stood there, staring at him almost indignantly.

“You’re ridiculous”, he said, but sat down beside Steve all the same.

He was about to say, _“You love me”_ , like he always did, but stopped himself at the last second, not really able to wrap his mind around his hesitance.

“I talked to Harry this morning”, he said instead.

Danny’s whole face scowled at him, “You went on your first vacation with your kid, and your first move of the day was to call Harry Langford?”

Steve shrugged, “I can multitask”, he said, “Anyway, he said the agencies got their heads in a twist over some guy who went AWOL on the Middle East recently, Desmond Abati”.

Danny hummed, mouth still in a frown, “Why do we care?”

Steve leaned in sideways into Danny’s space, “He’s a terrorist, a bomb maker”

Steve was so close, the hallway was so quiet, that he heard Danny’s subtle intake of breath.

“Like, someone who could get some loose Uranium and explode half the island?”, He asked, voice almost not a whisper anymore.

Steve nodded.

“They don’t know where he’s gone, but their best bet is that he’ll turn up on the island eventually”.

Danny grumbled with his whole body, fidgeting on his spot on the floor, “Oh, goodie. Just what we need, huh?”, he ran his hand through his dishevelled hair, all the air in his lungs coming out noisily through his nose, “My daughter. Your son.”, Steve gulped, “On the same island as this lunatic. That’s just great”, he huffed some more, “Well, if I thought I wasn’t gonna sleep before”.

Steve winced, “Sorry, buddy”.

“Guess we need to keep an eye on human traffickers here on the island, huh?”, Danny asked.

He and Danny turned at each other at the same time, thinking the same thing.

_They needed to talk to Sang Min._

-

Steve went by Flippa’s shrimp truck opening, it was a scalding hot Saturday morning, the sun was high, and the wind couldn’t pick up the slack to cool off the beach. Everybody else seemed to already be there, Danny was entertaining a very excited Charlie as Grace introduced Rachel and Stan to Flippa. Kono was arm in arm with Adam, cooing at all the cute kids doing face paint. He looked around but didn’t find Chin or Lou.

He spotted Nahele talking to Jerry and Kamekona in the middle of the crowd, the kid bouncing on his heels as the other two talked and smiled.

“Hey, keiki, what’s up?”, Steve asked as he moved to hug him.

Nahele hugged him back tightly and scrunched his nose as he moved away and smiled. Steve couldn’t help but smile back.

“Coach called. He said since Tyson is graduating this semester, if I can keep up with my performance level when training starts again, I’ll definitely make QB in next school year”, Nahele’s smile went from ear to ear.

Steve yelled out a congratulations before moving to hug the kid again.

“I knew you could do it, kid”, he said, buzzing in excitement, “I’ll help you out all through your summer vacation if we have to, okay?”.

Nahele’s eyes were squinting at the sun as he smiled wider, “You’ll finally show me those games Danny talked about?”.

Steve faked being put out, “Sure, kid, we’ll make a day out of it and everything”, he mock grumbled.

Steve was already planning on the calls he would have to make to Ms. Prescott to get Nahele for the whole day, until it occurred to him that by summer break, if everything went well from there on out, the adoption would have gone through. Nahele would be living with him. _His son_.

Steve could only smile wider as he thought about it.

He barely noticed his phone ringing.

It was just his luck that as soon as he thought about the adoption actually working, Madison Gray showed up on the island again, Alicia Brown’s blood on her hands, faking having a mental illness so she could try and play them.

Steve didn’t think twice about offering to keep Alicia under his protection, they faced Madison Gray’s brand of crazy together before, they would it again. And if she sent someone to get Alicia through the night, well, Steve would be prepared.

After seeing Madison Gray for herself, Alicia and Steve went to her house after he gave the rest of team their orders.

When they were waiting on dinner, Steve excuse himself to call Nahele.

“Hey, everything okay?”, the kid asked as soon as he picked up, almost making Steve flinch that he was already worried.

But Steve learnt sometime in the last five months that if there was one thing he couldn’t do, was lie to the kid. So he told Nahele that Madison Gray was in custody, that he had nothing to worry about – Steve hoped that wasn’t a lie – And that he was staying at Alicia’s for the night until they figured out what the next move was.

“Oh, hm, are you guys...”, Nahele started but trailed off.

“What?”, Steve asked, sitting on Alicia’s living room as he heard her fumble around in the kitchen.

“Y’know, are you guys, hm, together? You can, like, tell me if you are, you know?”, he mumbled, like he was embarrassed even before knowing the answer.

Steve almost physically recoiled. Now he kind of understood Danny’s weirdness with Grace meeting Gabby and Melissa. Talking about these things with his kid would need some getting used to.

“No! No, it’s not like that, okay? She’s a friend and I’m just here as a protection detail”.

“Hm, okay”, Nahele said, like he only half believed him.

Steve had to roll his eyes, even though the kid couldn’t see him.

“Is Danny and the others helping you guys, too?”, Nahele asked then.

Steve scratched at his knees, the fabric of his jeans rough against his fingernails.

“You don’t have to worry”, he said again, “Everyone is safe, you’re safe, and if something happens, I’ll call Duke to send Pua and a squad car down there, alright?”.

Nahele sniffed again, “Yeah, alright”.

Steve saw Alicia setting the dinner table and said goodnight to the kid, promising he would be careful.

It was a novelty for him, promising that.

“That was the boy you’re trying to adopt?”, Alicia asked him from where she was by the table.

Steve stood up to help her, “Yeah”, he answered.

“Did I hear it right? He asked if we were dating?”, she asked in a mocking smile.

Steve grimaced, “Yeah, yeah, sorry about that”.

Alicia just shrugged, still half smiling, “It’s fine, Steve. I remember those talks with Siena”, her smile turned softer then, “I travelled a lot and we would only talk on the phone for weeks, I’d always ask her about boys, she always ask about her father – we were still together back then”, she paused then, stopping midway from setting a glass down to stare at the window beside them, “It’s good, that you’re giving this boy a family”.

Steve felt himself smile sheepishly, “More like the other way around, but thanks”, he said, sitting down as Alicia brough in dinner with oven mitts in her hands, “I’m just really used to having my own space, my own time, you know?”.

Alicia’s mocking smile came back, “You’re telling me? I’ve been on my own out here for years, some days I don’t even have the energy to deal with people”, then her smile turned gradually into a wistful thing as she said, eyes distant, “That should've clued me in, I guess. I thought I could handle it. I thought that was ready for her, and then there she was and I _just –_ “, she scowled looking at nothing, or maybe seeing something Steve couldn’t.

When she didn’t continue, Steve had to say, “Alicia, it’ll get better, you know? It’s gonna take time, but – it’ll get better”.

She looked down at her wine glass, “Yeah, I guess time heals all ills, right?”, her smile was almost mocking then, but turned bitter. She looked right at Steve as she said, “Except it doesn’t, really”.

And Steve fidgeted in his seat, the memory of Danny talking about dreams with Marco Reyes and Wo Fat coming to the forefront of his mind, unbidden. Then Nahele in Steve’s kitchen, crying about sending his father to prison. Grace gnawing at her bottom lip on the back seat of the Camaro, torn about not forgiving her mother.

Steve’s own smile tasted bitter as he said, “No, it doesn’t. Not all of them”.

Alicia looked at him apologetically for a second before smiling again, truer this time.

“And this is why I shouldn’t be around people”, she laughed, moving her wine glass as she gesticulated, “Because I bring the mood down”.

Steve was glad she was trying to lighten the mood then, “No, no, don’t worry, I have very low standards for companionship, it comes from having Danny as a partner”, he jabbed, taking a sip of his water.

“Nice”, Alicia mocked, unbelieving glint in her eyes.

And then Steve didn’t really mean to spend the rest of the night talking about Danny, he really didn’t, and he should probably have had the forethought of not playing into Alicia’s hand, she was a serial profiler after all, but she asked him questions about Grace and Charlie, then Nahele too, and his adoption case and it all kept coming back to Danny, no matter the question or the answer.

“You guys are really a family, huh?”, she said, that glint still in her eyes as she seemed to gauge his reaction.

Steve’s head bobbed from side to side, “Well, yeah, the five-0 thing kinda became more than just a job for all of us”, he said.

“I meant you and detective Williams”, she corrected him softly.

Alarm bells went off in his head. It couldn’t be that obvious, could it? And if it was, who else knew?

“I, uh, I guess so, yeah”, he stuttered out.

With Freddy, he’d dodge that with _“He’s like a brother to me”_ , but he couldn’t bring himself to say that about Danny.

He then tried his hardest not to have any topic of conversation be even in the vicinity of Danny Williams. Alicia probably saw right through him – she did read people for a living – but Steve was just glad she wasn’t calling him out on it.

Before sleeping, Steve called Chin for updates, made himself comfortable on Alicia’s couch and tried not thinking about Danny Williams too much. He really couldn’t afford the distraction then.

Then of course Alicia had to play into Madison Gray’s games and escape right under Steve’s nose.

Then of course they were going to the mainland, looking for Siena Brown’s murderer.

“I’m about to head out. I already called Mr. Asano and Ms. Prescott, but Danny’s staying, and he’ll take care of you, okay?”, Steve said into the phone pressed over his shoulder, Nahele on the other side, hands occupied packing his gear.

“What about – What about the adoption?”, Nahele asked, voice small and far away over the phone. Steve hated it, telling him about this over the phone, but he couldn’t afford the detour to the group home.

“We have Danny now, keiki. Anything you, Mr. Asano or CPS needs, he’ll take care of it.”, _God_ , he could never repay Danny for any of this.

He went through the motions of getting ready with Chin, Lou on standby to take them to Pearl-Hickam because Steve had enough pull there now to swing two spots on a carrier that would drop them off near Wisconsin.

Kono and Danny watched them leave from the smart table. Steve felt like he should say something to Danny but couldn’t seem to figure out what or even why.

“Enjoy the cold weather for me, huh?”, Danny ended up saying.

Chin threw a shaka at them and they followed Lou out of the office.

“Speaking of cold”, Lou said as they went down on the elevator, “Clay’s court hearing is scheduled, finally”.

Steve and Chin turned to their friend, “When?”, Steve asked.

“April”, he grumbled the answer, “I’ll need a couple days off, might take Will with me. I know he misses the city”.

“Don’t worry about it, man”, Steve said, putting a hand on Lou’s shoulder just as the elevator door opened.

“You know he and Grace are basically glued at the hip now? Actually, more like glued at the phone”, he said, changing the subject. They climbed in Lou’s SUV, “If they aren’t next to each other texting then they are away from each other texting, I swear to God. It’s the Williams’ genes, I’m telling you, they can’t stop talking, even in text”.

Steve smiled, having been on the receiving end of Grace’s multi-texting spree from time to time.

He was about to comment on it, but then remembered Alicia saying, _“I meant you and detective Williams”_ , and that made him clamp his mouth shut.

Even if Chin and Lou already knew about him, about things being different between him and Danny, he didn’t want to show how much things had actually changed for him, and if he started talking about Danny, he might just show his hand with little to no resistance.

Of course, by saying nothing, his friends still saw right through him.

“So, you and Danny still haven’t...?”, Chin floated the question from the backseat, without really trying to finish it.

“Nope”, it was that Steve answered, resolutely looking straight ahead at the windshield.

He could still see the way Chin and Lou shared a look though the rear-view mirror.

“You don’t wanna talk about it, I suppose?”, Lou guessed.

“Nope”.

“You wanna know what Will told me?”, Lou baited him.

The _nope_ was on the tip of his tongue, but he bit it back.

Lou laughed, nudging his shoulder to Chin who laughed quietly back too. Steve was still glaring at windshield, the Honolulu streets blending in together as Lou sped through them.

“It’s like being back in high school, huh?”, Lou teased, “Don’t ya wanna know about your crush?”.

Steve held his ground, even though he was feeling like he was losing the high ground fast. Lou leaned towards him, so close Steve could almost feel him looming over him and worried the guy might lose his grip on the steering wheel.

“Apparently Grace wants you to come to their next family thing they’ve been doing”.

Steve lost it, “What? _Why?_ ”.

“He speaks!”, Lou exclaimed, righting himself on the driver seat.

“Things are better with CPS, right?”, Chin spoke up from the backseat, “Why don’t you just come out and say it? No pun intended”, he said, like it was absolutely intended.

“Why does Grace want me there? Danny doesn’t even wanna go half the time!”, Steve asked, completely blowing past Chin’s question.

“Maybe so Danny doesn’t leave halfway through it”, Lou shrugged it off.

They arrived at Pearl-Hickam, but Steve wanted to sit Lou down until the man told him everything he knew. Danny never hinted that he was suddenly being summoned to what he called “Therapy moderated by a fourteen-year-old”.

Steve had so many questions.

As they rounded the landing bay and went around the tarmac, the airplane engines’ noise grew louder and louder, like a blaring warning sign, telling Steve he didn’t have time for any of it.

-

By nightfall, they had received word Steve and Chin had found both Alicia and Siena, but lost Madison Gray once again.

Danny drove to his house, knowing it would be empty because he knew he’d been staying late, so Grace agreed to go to Rachel’s and spare Danny the impromptu call to his go to babysitter.

He checked in with Nahele, feeling weird that he didn’t see the kid at all that day, promising he’d give him the heads up when Steve landed, even though Danny knew Steve would probably do it himself.

He called Grace, talked to her and then Charlie, then both of them together, and by dinner time Danny’s house felt like a mausoleum, with only the sound of the microwave working as he heated some leftover risotto he had from some time that week.

As his microwave beeped, there was a knock at the door. Then Kono’s voice as she let herself in, “Hey, Danny, it’s me!”, she yelled out.

Danny huffed, putting his plate in the kitchen table, “In the kitchen!”

Kono appeared at the kitchen door, a dimpled smile already on her face.

“You want some?”, he asked, gesturing at the food.

“Nah, just ate”, she said, sitting down in front of the place Danny had set for himself.

“You came here just to watch me eat? Where’s Adam?”.

She rolled her eyes as she picked at his plate with his knife, stabbing little pieces of bacon with it to eat. Danny indulged her just because he was really glad she showed up before he started a pity party for himself.

“Adam’s at home, thank you very much, we’re not a package deal. Also he finally got a job at a construction site and he has to be there by like 5 a.m., so he’s in bed super early”, she said, “So I just came to pass the time, okay? I know Grace’s at Rachel’s”.

Danny blew out a breath, shoving food on his mouth then saying, “Thanks, babe”.

She smiled again.

Danny made a decision.

“I need to tell you something”, he said, already feeling his heart beat faster.

Kono’s eyes focused on him as she chewed on another piece of bacon, “What?”.

Danny took a deep breath, suddenly barely able to move around his food on his plate, much less eat it.

“Is this you trying to tell me I can set you up with my friends?”.

Danny made a face, “If I ever tell you that, just assume I’ve been brainwashed and shoot me”.

She smacked him over the table, her palm making a slapping sound against his forearm.

“What is it then? You look nervous”.

Danny put down his fork on the plate and blew out a breath, leaning against his chair.

“It’s – It’s about that, somewhat”.

“My friends or setting you up?”.

“Uh –“, he put both hands on the table, almost pushing him back enough to move the chair over the floor, “A bit of both?”.

“Dude, you’re not making sense”.

“IlikeSteve”, he said all in one breath.

Kono didn’t look impressed.

“Yeah? Me too, he’s pretty neat”.

Danny rolled his eyes, leaning forward on the table this time.

“Not like that, I _like_ him, as in, I have – feelings – for him”, he explained, his hands flying around him as if he could explain it any better by almost slapping his risotto as he gesticulated.

Kono’s eyes were wide. Not as wide as Danny thought they would get though.

“What?”, he asked when she didn’t say anything for the next five seconds.

“I, uh, I don’t know, I guess I kinda saw it coming at the same that I didn’t?”, she made a face that probably matched Danny’s confusion.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Kono shrugged, putting the knife down on the table, “I don’t know! You guys are really close! We always wondered!”.

Danny shook his hands between them, “Woah, woah, woah, what the hell are you talking about? Who’s ‘ _we_ ’?”.

She looked sideways to his kitchen before answering in a sheepish voice, “The team. Chin, Lou, Jerry, even Max. We all wondered when or if you guys would get together”.

Danny didn’t think he could frown any harder, “We’re not together, Steve doesn’t even know”.

_Now_ Kono looked shocked.

“What?”

“ _What_ , what?”

She rolled her eyes, “I just thought you were getting together, okay? It made sense”.

“It made _sense?_ ”, Danny narrowed his eyes at her, “What do you mean ‘ _it made sense’_?”.

“You spend every second together!”, she yelled, shoulders rising to her ears, “You’re listed as a guardian for his kid! He picks up _your kids_ from school every other day! It’s like a damn rom-com!”.

Danny had to look away, eyes coming up to the ceiling, “Oh my god”, he groaned.

“Why am I suddenly defending this when you just told me it’s true?”, she asked then, gobsmacked, her eyes were still a bit wide.

Danny still stared at the ceiling as he answered, “The only thing that’s true is that _I_ have feelings for him. We are not together, alright? I don’t even know if he _could_ like me like that, so tone down on the _‘it made sense’_ nonsense”.

She grumbled but didn’t say anything else. He counted to ten before looking back at her. Her front teeth were biting at her lip and he knew he wouldn’t like what she could ask him next.

“Aren’t you _‘in love’_ , though?”

Danny tried his best not to gulp. Nope, definitely didn’t like her question.

“I wouldn’t say _in love_ ”

“Then what _would_ you say?”, she said with half a smile then, almost teasing him.

“Well, I called it a crush for a while, but I don’t wanna feel like a preteen so I’m just calling it _having_ feelings, okay?”.

She held her hands up, but her dimples were giving her cheekiness away.

“Whatever you say”, then softer, “I’m glad you told me, though”.

Danny felt his chest loosen, like he didn’t realise he had something holding him down this whole time.

“Yeah, me too”

She smiled fully and he smiled back.

“Do you want me to change the subject?”, she asked then.

“Please do”, he sighed.

She pulled out her phone, “Did you hear about the police academy test?”

Danny frowned, “No? I don’t really keep up with that stuff”.

He watched Kono tap quickly on her phone, “I was following this new recruit, Tani Rey, she was really great, acing all the exercises and classes, and I thought maybe Steve could give her a chance when she graduated, y’know? Like he did me. But she washed out”.

“What happened?”

Kono made a face, “She punched her training officer”, Danny winced, “Then cheated on the written exam”, Danny winced more.

“Well, now I’m sure Steve would recruit her, sounds just like his kind of person, huh?”

Kono laughed, “Right?”, then she turned her phone screen to him, showing him a video of a young woman punching Captain Keo right in the nose and Danny recoiled with an _oof_.

Definitely Steve’s kind of person to recruit for their insane task force.

-

_Williams-McGarett-Edwards Family Time_

-

“No, I didn’t hear about no terrorist being shipped to the island, McGarrett”, Sang Min snapped at him for the fifth time, making Steve want to throw his phone all the way across the island on the guy’s face.

“They wouldn’t call him a terrorist”, he tried reasoning for the sixth time, “You haven’t heard any chatter that could match my guy’s description?”.

“What have I been saying, huh? NO”.

Steve either hang up on him, or he hang up on Steve, but at least that phone call was over.

Steve leaned back against his chair, hands coming up to rub at his face. That was about the tenth call he made to Sang Min in so many days, hoping to catch a break on Desmond Abati, but no such luck.

Five-0 seemed to be having a problem finding things, first Michelle Shioma, then the Uranium, now this guy.

Steve wanted to scream. Or blow something up. Maybe both.

Of course, that he couldn’t do neither of those things that day, Ms. Prescott gave him a courtesy call that morning that she had a warrant to inspect his house im the afternoon, so Steve needed to be as cool and collected as he could be.

Which was hard when his anxiety was already through the roof with the whole thing.

Danny had helped him set up the little room beneath the stairs as a storage space for his guns and weapons months ago, it was safer than safe, but Steve still worried it would be a problem somehow, or maybe the fact that his house was too old, or the cricking in the lanai doors that he couldn’t seem to be able to fix, or maybe even the fact that he let Nahele work on the Marquis could be a problem.

“Why do you look like you’re about to throw up?”, Danny’s voice snapped him out of his anxious thoughts and Steve’s head turned to him at his office’s door, “You okay, babe?”.

“Uh, yeah, yeah, sure”, he breathed out, voice probably sounding as tired as he felt, “Any leads with Interpol?”, he asked. Danny had been talking to them with Kono and Jerry by the smart table.

Danny shook his head and Steve groaned.

“Listen, I need a couple hour on the afternoon, Ms. Prescott is coming by to do the home inspection”.

Danny nodded, coming to seat on the chair in front of Steve’s desk.

“You want me to pick Nahele up? His shift is at Flippa’s truck today, right?”

Steve nodded, hand coming up again to rub at his mouth as he stared at Danny.

_“You guys are really a family, huh?”._

Alicia’s words kept coming back in his mind ever since she said them.

_“I meant you and detective Williams”._

How Steve really did owe half of everything to the man sitting in front of him – the other half he probably owed it to Joe.

How Steve needed to come clean about what he wanted, even though he wasn’t sure what that was. But maybe he didn’t need to. Alicia saw right through them. Lou and Chin noticed something different between them immediately. Maybe everybody else did too, maybe even Danny. Maybe Steve could just – let go and just _be_ with Danny.

“Why are you looking at me like that for?”, Danny asked him, the same way he did years ago in Afghanistan.

Steve couldn’t be sure what expression was on his face, back in Afghanistan half his face had been numb and swollen, and right there on his office he’d been too distracted to even notice he had any kind of face on.

“I – “, Steve started, not really sure what he was gonna say next, just like all those months ago on his old bedroom.

They’ve been making their way towards each other for a while now, maybe all Steve needed to do was really to just let go.

“Guys, you need to come see this”, Kono said, barging in on his office and motioning for them to follow her, and Steve was getting tired of being interrupted.

Danny looked back at him before walking out and Steve watched him for a second too long before following him.

-

Steve paced around his living room, waiting for Ms. Prescott to arrive.

They got a lead on a lead earlier, about some people Abati may associate with once he was on the island, maybe a location somewhere on Waimea’s forest, but the place was too massive for them to set out search parties just yet.

Steve was trying really hard not to think he was still on square one.

He almost flinched as there was a knock on his door.

He ran to open it even though he was just three strides from it. Ms. Prescott smiled at him, holding out her hand. Steve wandered if she noticed his palms were a bit clammy.

“Hello, Commander”, she said, “Here’s the warrant for the inspection, Mr. Asano has gone over it also. This will be over quickly, okay? I’ve been here before, you have nothing to worry about”.

Steve tried no too look to relieved that he had a good relationship with her, he knew how tough these inspections could be.

They walked around the house as she made him a bunch of questions, took pictures and asked him to show her a bunch of different things. She had a clipboard on one hand, a pen on the other, and she would be constantly looking at it or marking something down. Steve’s palm were past clammy and downright sweaty now.

Steve showed her where he was keeping his guns, his receipts for each one and the ammo, the lock system he installed. He did not offer the reason he thought was necessary to keep that many guns on his house.

He showed her the upstairs bedrooms, the small remodel they made to Nahele’s bedroom, the clothes Steve bought him already on his wardrobe, some of his school material on his study table. It looked _lived in_. Steve couldn’t really describe the feeling he got from it.

Almost two hours later he brought Ms. Prescott to the garage, showing the Marquis and answering all the questions she had about the times Nahele tinkered the car with him. Steve tried not to think about when the kid bumped his head on the hood.

They went out through the driveway, Ms. Prescott stuffing her clipboard on the messenger bag she had on her shoulder, a smile on her face. Steve let out a deep breath without meaning to.

“I’ll call you with the final assessment, but everything looks good”.

She made to leave but Steve stopped her, “Hey, wait, I, uh, I wanted to run something by you, I mean, as Nahele’s case worker”.

She turned back to him, curious eyes staring as she waited for him to go on. Steve rubbed at his neck.

“Look, I’ve been having some difficulty navigating things with Nahele”, he said, but quickly realised that was the wrong thing to say to Ms. Prescott because her eyes widened in surprise and she suddenly seemed hesitant in her posture. Steve amended things quickly, “I mean, there’s some things I can’t relate too, y’know? That he’s gone through, whether it was when he was living with his mom and dad or when he was on the streets, and I know the CPS classes tell you to just be there for your kid and not to push them to talk about these things, but I feel like he has a lot of anxieties and triggers I won’t see coming?”

“Commander, where are you getting at?”, Ms. Prescott asked, frown deepening at his every word.

Steve sighed, “I wanted to know if it was okay for me to float by Nahele the idea of taking him to a youth therapist. I have a... friend, who can recommend me someone. I just – I just want him to feel safe, you know?”.

Ms. Prescott frown turned into a surprised smiled and Steve felt marginally better. That day had him feeling all over the place.

“That’s a wonderful idea, Commander”, she said still smiling, “But I’d wait until this legal process is over. You’ll find less red tape then. But do talk to Nahele about it”.

Steve smiled too, though a small part of him was dreading having to reach out to Lynn for this.

-

Grace Williams finally got to him.

After almost two weeks since Lou told Steve about her wanting to invite him to the Williams / Edwards family meals / therapy sessions, Steve had been wondering when Danny was going to approach him about it. He never really considered that Grace’s patience with her father was going to run out, though he shouldn’t be surprised, the Williams’ gene wasn’t a very patient one.

It started with him picking her up during the week, right after dropping Nahele by Flippa’s, and she nudging herself between the two front seats of his truck.

“You know, Charlie’s being asking to come by your house for a while, did Danno mention it to you?”

“Uh, not really, no, but we’ve been pretty busy at work, Gracie”, he tried appeasing her.

“Uh huh”

“You should get Danno to come by with Charlie next weekend he has him, yeah? Like, Sunday morning, we could go swimming”, he suggested.

She perked at that and Steve felt like he just walked into a trap.

“Actually”, she started, and Steve knew for sure, “Danno has Charlie this Sunday, but it’s family time, so mum and Stan are coming by too”.

“Oh, that’s fine, we can do it on Saturday then, right?”

“Uh huh”, she agreed, then, “Or, we could go on Sunday and spend the morning, and mum and Stan can come by too?”

“Grace – “

“I know it’s a big favour!”, she raised her voice over his, “But I think Charlie’s been really missing you, and Nahele too for that matter”.

Oh, Steve recognized a sneak attack when he saw one.

Grace mentioned the boys and Steve was done. He would do anything to make them happy.

“You talk to Danno”, Steve compromised, knowing he just got played by a fourteen-year-old again. Again. “And if he says it’s okay, then yeah, we can all have lunch together this Sunday”.

From there it turned to Grace getting her way with Danny too, and then Rachel calling Steve for maybe the third time in seven years to coordinate food options for the lunch when all Steve had come up with was putting some meat and vegetables on the grill and let Danny go crazy with the rest.

Then it turned to him going to Nahele’s group home on a Sunday morning when the sun was barely up to pick him up. The kid’s eyes were puffy from sleep, but at least he seemed excited about spending the morning at the beach with everybody else.

“I never met Danny’s ex, or her husband”, Nahele was saying as they got in the house, the early morning air still chilly, the salty ocean smell coming in even through the closed doors and windows, “But Grace talks about them a lot. A _lot_ ”.

They made their way through the house, Steve opened the lanai doors and the kitchen windows, Nahele got started on brewing some coffee and making himself some breakfast. Steve couldn’t help the smile as he noticed how well they got used to each other after those two weeks that Nahele lived with him, the kid almost completely stopped walking around the house like he was going to trigger a landmine if he stepped too heavily on the floorboards or did something without asking Steve first.

Steve remembered living there after Doris “died”. How afraid he’d been of making too much noise or disturbing his dad in any way, how he would get home from school with Mary and they wouldn’t bicker anymore, they would barely talk. Their father would get home from work and just sit by his study table, going through a bunch of files quietly, muttering to himself and asking them to be quiet even though they could barely hear the TV already.

Steve wanted Nahele to make as much noise as he wanted in their home.

Steve looked over to the kitchen from where he was on the dining room, bringing the dining table a little closer to the lanai doors so they could get a little wind during lunch. It was going to be a tight fit with everybody around the small round table, and Steve found himself already considering getting a bigger one, even though he had no reason to believe the Williams / Edwards family meals would ever be at his house again since he wasn’t neither a Williams or an Edwards, and whenever the team came by Kamekona always brought a bunch of small tables to push together.

Steve looked around and caught sight of Nahele through the kitchen door, standing by the kitchen table, chopping some fruit with a concentration frown on his face.

“Hey, be careful”, Steve called out.

“’kay”, Nahele called back.

Steve kept staring from the dining room.

“Hey, keiki”, he called, softer.

“I’m being a careful, really!”, Nahele yelled back, still frowning as he chopped a mango and it kept slipping between his fingers.

Steve made his way to the kitchen door, “I know, don’t worry”, he said, “I wanted to talk to you about something”.

The mango completely slipped from in between Nahele’s fingers and went sliding off the table to the floor, living a sticky trail everywhere it landed. The knife on Nahele’s hands completely slipped too and it clattered on the wooden table, Nahele’s hands were immediately away from it.

Right. Sharp knives on an emotional conversation.

“Oh, fu – uh, sorry”, Nahele said, grimacing at the mess.

Steve tried a smile, “Don’t worry about it, sit down, okay?”.

Nahele looked ready to run instead, but he cleaned his hands, eyed the mango on the floor and sat down on the stool by the table. Steve sat down in front of him.

He needed to figure out another way of talking to the kid about these things, because he became so high strung as he stared at Steve expectantly it looked like it hurt.

“Hey, relax, okay? You didn’t do anything, you’re not in trouble and this is isn’t bad, alright?”, or at least he hoped it wasn’t.

Nahele’s shoulders dropped ever so slightly. Steve sighed and held out his hand. Nahele stared at it like it was a knife. He gingerly took it, fingers still a little sticky from the mango.

“I want you to be happy, you know that, right?”

Nahele’s eyes were two round marbles staring at him. He didn’t say anything. Steve held back from sighing again.

“I’ve noticed you’re really anxious sometimes”, he continued carefully, eyeing the mango on the floor, still holding Nahele’s hand, “And as much as I want to help you navigate it, there’s a lot I don’t understand about what makes you so uneasy, and I know there’s a lot you don’t tell me, about what your life was like before we met, and I’m not trying to _make you_ talk, I want you to know you _can_ , okay?”

Nahele’s hand was starting to sweat against his, but the kid tightened his grip and Steve did the same, waiting for him to say something.

Nahele sniffed, looked down to the table, “Yeah, yeah, okay”, he mumbled, but it wasn’t really what Steve wanted to hear, so he kept talking.

“But I was hoping you were open to talking to _someone_. _Not_ because there’s something wrong with you, I don’t want you feeling that, but because maybe it would make things easier for you”.

Nahele looked back at him, eyes guarded, “Talk to... someone?”, he echoed.

“A youth therapist, specialized with kids that are or were on the foster system”, Steve clarified.

Nahele pulled his hand away and Steve let him go, working his jaw as he thought how to soothe the kid.

“Is it because I’m bothering you?”, Nahele grunted, shoulders tense again, not looking at him.

Steve did a mental check of how many times Nahele asked him that.

“Nahele”, Steve said in what Danny could say was his Commander voice. Nahele looked back at him again, “You are _never_ a bother. _Ever_. But it’s because you think you can be that I’m suggesting this, do you understand?”.

Nahele sniffed, jaw tight.

“Is this – Is this a condition?”, he asked, making Steve frown.

“A condition?”.

“For the adoption”.

Steve breathed in sharply.

“ _No_ ”, he breathed out, almost on edge that Nahele would think otherwise, “You’re my – _You’re my son”,_ he stressed.

It was the first time he ever said that to Nahele.

Nahele breathed in sharply too, dark eyes wide, eyebrows knitting together.

Steve opened his hands on the middle of the table again, but Nahele didn’t take them this time, “No matter what, _unconditionally_. To _me,_ you’re my son. If the adoption never goes through, I’ll still feel the same way. If you never feel comfortable calling me your father, _I’ll still feel the same way_.”

He wondered if Nahele would ever believe him. It seemed like he was back on square one in a lot of aspects of his life.

Nahele sniffed again, “Can I – Can I think about it?”.

Steve pulled back his hands, “Of course, you take as much time as you need”, Nahele nodded, but Steve didn’t want to leave things like this, not when they were about to have a bunch of people over and people the kid never met before, “Hey, can I hug you?”.

Nahele’s mouth did a half smile and his nose scrunched, he didn’t say anything, but still nodded.

Steve got up and went around the table, putting his arms around the kid, one hand supporting his head the other snaking around him. Nahele hugged him back and Steve kissed the top of his head.

_Home_.

-

Grace and Charlie almost had to drag Danny out of bed that Sunday morning, it was so early. The Honolulu streets were almost completely empty, the sea air almost cold as they made their way to Steve’s house.

Charlie was bouncing up and down on his car seat, chanting “beach” over and over again. It made Grace snort loudly several times.

Charlie sprinted away from them as soon as Danny took him out of the car, making a beeline through the side of the house and directly to the lanai.

“Charlie, be careful!”, Danny yelled after him, mostly for the sake of saying it, he didn’t really think Charlie was even listening to him anymore.

He and Grace went after him, stepping on the lanai just in time to see Nahele picking up Charlie excitedly as the kid screamed in delight. Danny really hoped Rachel and Stan behaved themselves, because Danny didn’t think he could handle it if they made those boys upset. He was already hanging by a thread every time it happened to Grace.

Nahele turned to them as Charlie kept screaming for Danny to see him flying with Nahele, eyes squeezed shut by his wide smile.

“Hey kid, where’s the old man?”, Danny asked.

Nahele grimaced, glancing at Grace before answering, “I think he’s still talking to Mrs. Edwards, she called a few minutes ago about the lunch”.

Danny and Grace sighed simultaneously, then Danny grimaced too, “You don’t have to call her Mrs. Edwards, you know?”.

“Yeah, it’s weird”, Grace nodded.

Charlie just yelled for Nahele to put him over his head again. Nahele obliged.

Danny set up their things on the lanai as the kids all put their swimsuits, he rubbed Charlie up and down with what was probably too much sunscreen and thought that maybe Grace didn’t put enough, but then all three kids were rushing to the ocean, both teens holding Charlie’s hands, floaties attached to each small arm.

Danny settled himself on the chairs by the water, he checked the time at least three times before Steve made his way over.

“Rachel giving you the backseat hosting treatment?”, he asked as Steve sat down heavily beside him.

“She asked me if they could bring dessert too and then she was asking me about the last time since I had a blood test?”, Steve squinted with his whole face, “So dessert may be just a granola bar for me”.

Danny snorted softly. Yeah, that was Rachel when she was nervous. Danny apparently had a thing for control freaks.

The hours ticked by until it was time for Danny and Steve to figure out if Rachel left them anything to do for the family lunch, they grilled some vegetables and meat, because that was classic Steve, and Steve threw a salad together.

The kids stayed on the beach most of the morning, though every other hour Danny would call them back to reapply sunscreen, the first time Steve rolled his eyes at him, but the second time the kids didn’t want to, so Steve used his Commander voice until all three kids were basically white goo coming back to the beach.

Danny found himself smiling at the scene.

Steve was telling him about his talk with Nahele that morning when Rachel and Stan arrived, both set of arms full to the brink with trays and dishes covered with foil.

Aside from the small stroke Nahele had when he met Rachel, “Hello, Mrs. – hm, Madam. Ma’am. Edwards. Rachel”, things seemed fine if not forcefully so.

But if before they needed to end their interaction on the ten-minute mark to remain civil, after Grace instated those family meals the mark still existed, it just seemed to have been pushed further to 45 minutes.

By the 45-minute mark, they were all sitting around Steve’s dining room table, the kids looking spent from the beach, Steve and Rachel on a silent competition for the title of host, Stan looking stunned between the two of them.

Then –

Steve’s phone rang and he excused himself to take the call. “It’s Duke, I gotta take this”, he said as he got up, frowning at the phone.

“Who’s Duke?”, Stan asked, probably to fill in the silence.

“A colleague of ours”, Danny answered, fork scraping at his plate as he moved his food around, “He’s a sergeant at HPD”.

Stan hummed, but Nahele followed up asking, “Is this about the missing Uranium?”.

Rachel almost spat her food back on her plate, out of the corner of his eye Danny saw Charlie lean into Grace to probably ask what Uranium was.

“He told you about that, huh?”, Danny buffered, “I, uh, I don’t know, maybe, Duke doesn’t usually make social calls on Sundays”.

“ _Missing Uranium?_ ”, Rachel hissed, “What missing Uranium?”.

“Rach, I’m sure –“, Stan tried, but Danny could already see it was useless.

“ _Daniel”_ , Rachel hissed over Stan’s voice.

“Uh, sorry, should I – I mean, I didn’t know – “, Nahele stammered, uncomfortable as he looked around the table, “I just thought, because Steve told me, I thought everyone else knew it too”.

Danny smiled wryly, but put a hand on the kid’s shoulder, “Steve tells you everything, kid, it’s fine”.

“Must be nice”, Grace muttered under her breath, but still loud enough for everyone else to hear it.

“Grace”, Danny warned, but she only shrugged. Nahele looked ready to bolt, Stan was already sighing.

Then Steve walked back to the table, only realising everyone’s tense demeanour as he sat down and felt everyone staring back at him.

“Just say what the call was about, Steve”, Danny clarified before the guy started squirming.

Steve squirmed nonetheless, looking between Danny and Rachel, “Hm, it was _Duke_ , y’know? Police business, nothing urgent though. I know you guys don’t like talking about it in front of the kids”.

“You talk to Nahele though”, Grace said, like a challenge, not to Steve though.

“ _Grace_ ”, Danny and Rachel warned at the same time.

Steve looked between the two of them again, “I do, Gracie”, he answered, “I just – I guess I just don’t want to repeat my parents mistakes”, he said, which Danny understood, because he knew Steve, and knew Doris and what she had been capable of doing and hiding from her son.

Rachel and Stan didn’t though.

“What is _that_ supposed to mean?”, Rachel asked, dark eyes almost throwing daggers at Steve.

Steve looked ready to bolt too. Danny couldn’t really blame him.

“Let it go, Rachel”, Danny felt like he was extending his function of _McGarrett Craziness Regulation_ to _Edwards Family Warning_.

“That wasn’t a comment on anything with you guys, okay?”, Steve amended, “I’m really just talking about _me_ ”.

“And you think it’s okay to tell the _child_ you’re trying to adopt about _bombs?_ ”, Rachel threw at him, making Nahele flinch, and Steve’s whole demeanour changed.

His face was like it was carved out of stone, the lines around his eyes and mouth pronounced and big blue eyes piercing.

“I rather tell him a scary truth than hurt him by lying and never apologizing”.

If Danny thought he could get away with it, he’d have let out an _oof_ as he winced.

“I apologized!”, Rachel half yelled, alarming Charlie.

Danny watched Stan sigh again and take him out of the table with one hand and carry his plate with the other.

“You didn’t”, Grace rebutted, eyes down.

Rachel flinched like she had been stricken. “ _What?_ ”

“You _lied_. You lied about Charlie and you lied to _everyone_ , and you didn’t apologize once, not _to me!_ ”

Rachel seemed to reign in her temper as she leaned forward and Danny watched her blouse almost get caught in her food again, “Grace, you should have told me you felt this way – “.

Grace shot up from her chair, “I shouldn’t have to! I shouldn’t have to _ask_ you to say you’re sorry, mum!”

Grace’s eyes started to well up as she bawled her hands into fists by her sides, staring furiously at her mother, hurt written all over her small body. Danny and Steve shared a look, both wanting to reach out.

“I – “, Rachel started, but the letter was left hanging and Grace huffed before storming out.

It was Danny’s turn to sigh, and he touched gently Nahele’s shoulder, “Can you go check on her, please?”.

Nahele almost jumped from his seat to get out of there. Steve’s phone ringed again and he got up without a word too.

Rachel and Danny stared at each other until she hid her face on her hands again, breathing heavily through her fingers.

“I really wish everyone could finish their meals just once, you know?”, Danny said, eyeing everyone’s half eaten food.

Rachel let out a wet laugh, “It’s always my fault, isn’t it?”.

Danny sighed, leaning back against his chair, “Lately, yeah”, he said, not really in the mood for sugar coating it. “Why you gotta keep attacking everyone, Rach? I thought we would get somewhere with these lunches, but we always just end up here”.

Rachel shook her head, composing herself as she leaned back too, “I don’t know, Danny, I don’t even know I’m being a complete... _twat_ until everyone leaves. I just feel like _I’m_ being attacked, so I guess I just react that way too”.

“Well, you heard you daughter”, Danny said, “Maybe you need to figure out _why_ you are feeling attacked and _why_ you haven’t apologized”.

Danny got up, going to the kitchen to probably use all of Steve’s Tupperware to pack up all the food that was left. He had not expected to find Steve leaning heavily against his counter, almost crouching forward, head bent down, hands on his knees, one of them still holding his phone.

Danny was on him in half a second.

“Steve, buddy, you okay? What happened?”, he asked, putting a hand between Steve’s shoulder blades and leaning down to stare at his profile.

Steve eyes found his, bugged out of his skull.

“That was my – our lawyer, I guess. Mr. Asano”.

“Yeah, I know who he is, babe, get to the point, please?”

Steve took a deep breath, “I got a court hearing”, he said in rush.

Danny frowned, “You've been charged with something?”.

Steve shook his head so hard it almost knocked on Danny’s, “For Nahele. _The adoption_. It’s being decided in two weeks. _I got a court date, Danny_ ”.

And then Danny was being crushed into a hug, Steve breathless laugh on his ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song All is now harmed, by Ben Howard (again)
> 
> Chapter set around 7x16 and 7x17!  
> Did Grace somehow orchestrated the whole staying at the same hotel thing? Who knows! But she probably could tho. Also I can't believe the show introduced a romantic partner for steve who was a youth psychologist for kids in the system - i'm pretty sure she says she does something like that on her intro ep - then introduce the Nahele character and not do anything with that storyline! It was right there!  
> Also i really enjoyed the idea of having Kono be the one to introduce Tani to the team!
> 
> Hope you guys liked this one! This first part of this fic is almost done with!


	11. And I may be foolish to fall as I do

-

_Oh_

-

Steve was pacing back and forth in front of the court room, waiting to be called in. The team was all there, Mr. Asano, Nahele, Grace and Charlie too. But he couldn’t do small talk, or any talk, so he just picked the other side of the hallway they were in and paced back and forth, five paces in, five paces out.

From time to time he would look sideways to where everyone was gathered, catching Danny’s or Nahele’s eyes. Danny would smile encouragingly, Nahele looked ready to throw up. Steve couldn’t really blame him. He barely had wanted the kid to come, he couldn’t stand the idea of the whole thing not going their way and having Nahele there, watching it all.

Ms. Prescott and other CPS representatives arrived just as they were called in, Steve made his way to everybody as they went through the doors. He was about to make his way to the table in front of the stand when a hand wrapped his.

He almost flinched as he turned back. But Danny’s eyes were _right there_ , blue and kind and smiling at him, like he was saying _“You got this, just halfway there”_.

Steve felt himself deflate slowly, and then noticed Danny’s other hand holding Nahele’s, and suddenly Nahele was pushed forward by Danny until Steve was holding the kid’s hand instead of his. Steve felt like he could finally breathe. Nahele smiled, unsteady, before hugging Steve’s middle fiercely.

The whole thing was a blur after that. Mr. Asano made his statement, CPS’s lawyer summed up their case, the judge started asking question and going through pages upon pages of paperwork, detailing Steve’s whole life for the past six months and further. Everything Ms. Prescott had on him ever since Nahele sat down on Steve’s office, with sagged shoulders and clothes that barely fitted him.

The judge talked about the job, about his military status, talked about Danny’s involvement as a temporary guardian, he flipped through page after page until his gaze seemed to snag somewhere on the paper. Steve was sweating through his suit, he was sure of it.

“It says here that – three – weeks ago, you approached the case’s social worker about Mr. Huikala seeing a youth therapist”, he narrowed his eyes for a second before looking back at Steve, “Why is that?”.

“I’m sorry?”, it was the first thing out of Steve’s mouth, almost making him wince.

“Commander, why do you think Mr. Huikala needs to see a therapist?”.

Steve fought the urge to look back at the seats and find the kid’s face somewhere in between their Ohana.

“I can’t pretend I can give him all the support he needs, your honor. He’s been through things I could never imagine, much less relate to. It’s really that simple, I just want him to be happy and I want him to be _safe_. A therapist could give him tools I don’t have. But – “, he breathed, once, twice, “We’re still discussing this option. Your honor”, he amended.

The judge paused to look at him for a second before continuing to skim through the papers. “That’s very good, Commander”, he said, “It’s not always that potential parents want to admit they don’t have all the answers”.

Steve tried smiling, but it probably looked like a grimace.

The judge asked Ms. Prescott questions about Steve’s and Nahele’s relationship and about Nahele’s previous placements, how he was still deemed a “runner” in the system.

Steve was ready for it all to be over.

He was ready to use his Commander voice and SEAL face to speed things up when the judge reached a verdict.

And just like that Steve McGarrett was a father.

He heard Kono, Jerry and Lou whoop loudly behind him, Grace following them right after with a high pitched “Yes!”. Things were blurring together, he got up, thanked the judge, shook someone’s hand, probably Mr. Asano’s and the CPS people, the team surrounded him, patting him on the back, Nahele was by his side and they all walked out of the court room and the Hawaiian sun was high on the skies, the sea breeze filled his nose and he felt like he was lighter than he’d ever been.

Steve looked down and there was Danny again.

“You did it, babe”, he said.

Steve melted. He melted right into him, breathing in the same cologne Danny wore for the past two years, then Nahele and Grace were squishing themselves in the hug and for just a second Steve felt it.

 _Home_. _Love. Family._

Steve sent everybody back to the office while he took Nahele back to the group home so he could get his things ready, and Danny took Grace to Rachel’s on some kind of agreement between them.

By lunch time he and Nahele were making their way back to – their – house.

The kid barely filled three boxes worth of stuff and they brought everything into the house easily, Nahele going straight up to his room with one of the boxes in his arms as Steve made his way through the living room to open the lanai doors to let the ocean air in.

He stopped halfway through the dining room.

The lanai doors were already open.

A bloody handprint on its edge and a matching one on the frame.

Steve’s SIG was out of his holster in a second, heartbeat rising as his paused, listening in. Nahele was still on his room, walking around not really sounding distressed. He heard footsteps coming down and held out a hand, looking Nahele on the eyes before motioning for him to be quiet and go upstairs again.

What a housewarming.

Steve went into the kitchen to find a bloody Sang Min collapsed on the floor, the rickety table usually in the middle of the place thrown to the side, bowl of fruits scattered to the floor.

-

“First day with him as a McGarrett and Desmond Abati shows up on this rock, huh?”, Danny said to try and break Steve’s foul mood.

Steve just grunted.

They had just taken Nahele to Rachel’s too, not giving her much choice to say no when they mentioned the words “bomb” and “terrorist”.

Rachel had asked to speak to Grace that day, who knew what about, but that took precedence. So Steve and Danny were heading to Pearl-Hickam to – god help him – skydive in the middle of the Waimea Forest, because apparently Abati was keeping a camp full of people there building bombs and learning to be terrorists.

Of course, Steve and Danny were going alone.

“We can’t jump twenty people out of an airplane, Danny”, Steve had snapped at him, “And they would see us coming miles away. This way we can do some recon, maybe take a look if they really have that Uranium, and then call for back-up at the extraction point”.

“Oh, call for back-up? _Call for back-up?_ I will remind you that you said that to me in a couple of hours, just so you know”.

Steve huffed, “Looking forward to it”.

They arrived at the airstrip, got on an airplane, Steve attached Danny to his chest like he was Charlie on a carrier, and they jumped thousands of feet above the ground, Steve’s adrenaline junkie side coming out as he laughed and laughed as they glided down.

They touched down on the uneven ground of the forest, leaving the parachute behind and adjusting their vests and rifles so they could get a move on.

Steve was quiet and determined, frowning at the GPS device like it was giving him the run around.

“I don’t think Nahele comes with a return policy, y’know?”, Danny offered, dodging a tree root sticking out of the ground.

“Hm?”, Steve barely listened to him.

Danny sighed, “You’re not gonna lose him over this, okay?”, he said louder, “The judge already signed off on everything, and you saw how impressed he was that you thought about therapy for the kid –“

“ _You_ thought about it”

“Not the point. The point is, you glaring at the GPS is not gonna make things go easier or faster”.

“I’m not _glaring_ at the GPS”.

“ _Oh no?_ My mistake then”, Danny said as sarcastically as he could manage, hand coming out of supporting the rifle attached to his chest to gesture around.

Steve stopped, his whole body rolling his eyes at Danny, “What do you expect me to do, Danny? Be _glad_ this happened right on the day Nahele comes home with me? I specifically said to the judge I wanted the kid to be safe, this isn’t safe”.

“But it’s not your fault either”.

Steve frowned before glaring at the GPS again and walking away. “I just wanna get this over with”, he mumbled.

The forest was humid and walked the line between warm or stuffed, the treetops making it impossible for the wind to pick up at the ground level and Danny was starting to feel his whole skin getting damp with sweat.

“How does it feel though?”, Danny asked as he followed Steve’s back, needing something to distract him from either the growing humidity in the air or the fact that they were walking _towards_ a bomb.

“Sweaty”, came the grunted response.

“Not this, you doofus, the adoption. You’re a dad now, officially. How does it feel?”.

Steve paused again but didn’t turn to Danny. He was about to start complaining just for the hell of it when something poked him between his shoulder blades, something round and solid like the barrel of a gun, probably an automatic weapon judging by the two other guys who just appeared in front of them, surrounding them slowly, armed to their teeth.

Steve looked back at Danny for a second before the guys approached them, taking their guns and making them walk in front of them.

They got to the camp, spotted Abati, overpowered the guys closest to them, took out most of the people there firing at them, Abati got away and then –

There was the sound of _click_ and something making a digital sound. When Danny looked around, Steve was holding a trigger, asking a dying – then dead – guy where the uranium was. Danny looked around again, dreading whatever he was going to find, and spotted a truck with the bed covered with a thick fabric.

“Steve”, he called before uncovering the fully operational uranium bomb.

Danny was sure he was going to black out at any moment.

Of course, Steve’s big plan was to drive the thing around the forest to the extraction point. And of course, Danny couldn’t come up with anything else they could do aside from giving up.

“We just gotta hope they’ll have Abati in custody by the time we get to the clearing”, he said.

Danny laughed, though it didn’t feel like laughing, “Because blind optimism is definitely my natural state in tough situations, huh?”.

They went around the camp, looking for anything useful and the car keys, Danny got a hold of some radiation suits they had lying around, but they looked on the side of trash so who knew if they would even work. Danny just hoped they wouldn’t need them.

They got in the truck and Steve had to go ahead and say “I love you” before starting the damn thing in case it set off the bomb. Danny felt like throwing up.

“It feels a little like this actually”, Steve said as the truck rumbled to life without blowing them to bits and they started driving.

“What?”

“Being a dad”, he said, “It feels like a have ticking time bomb on me at all times”.

Danny had to laugh, truer this time, shaking his head.

“You’re a goof, you know that, right?”

Steve smiled.

They made their way through the forest, through rivers, and Danny never thought he would think this, but he really wanted Steve to just floor it – rationally he knew why they were going at a snail pace, but emotionally he was ready to be on a muscle car with Crazy McGarrett.

Of course when Danny finally got a bar of signal at the clearing for the extraction, and they got a hold of Chin, the first thing they heard was: “Abati is dead”.

 _Of course_.

“Steve, that’s not all”, Chin said, his voice making something stir under Danny’s skin.

“Not all? The guy’s dead!”, Danny couldn’t help but yell out.

“What is it, Chin?”, Steve asked into the phone.

There was a pause and Danny wanted to yell some more.

“He said he had a warning for you”, Chin’s tone was careful, “He said that ‘Someone wanted to see McGarrett’s home burn’”, Chin paused again and this time Danny didn’t even think he was breathing anymore, Steve’s eyes were guarded, his jaw was so tight it looked like it hurt, “Whoever arranged for him to come here, Steve, they were after you. They knew Sang Min’s connection to Five-0, and they knew you would find him, one way or the other”.

“Fuck”, Danny and Steve mumbled at the same time, looking at each other.

_Who the fuck did they piss off that much?_

“Thanks, Chin”, Steve said.

“Be careful, you two”, he said back before hanging up.

For a second all they did was stare at one another.

Steve breathed heavily, “I have a contact, a Marshall, she’ll know something about this thing”.

Danny handed him the phone and waited.

Danny heard the Marshal tell them about how to take out the uranium from the bomb, minimise the blast. There was no way they could diffuse it. He watched Steve take the car battery and ask Danny to strap it to his chest, one hand holding the thing, the other holding one of the radiation suits from the camp, probably the one with less holes on it.

It felt like an hallucination, like it was happening to some other Danny in a parallel universe. Danny stared at the car battery, then the bomb, then at Steve’s eyes, urgent and clear.

Danny thought about a plane almost six months ago, Steve’s pale face as he clutched at his side, blood seeping in between his fingers and to the floor. Danny watched Steve try handing him the car battery, how eager he was to risk his life all over again, how brave. How stupid.

Steve’s eyes were blue, sometimes green, but beneath the overcast sky they were almost grey. Danny felt as though he was looking at the clouds. And his skin was too small for the buzzing happening beneath it, like electricity and static before a storm, for the warmth spreading through his chest as he watched the crease in Steve’s brows, the set of his shoulders, the surety of his movements as he pulled at the rope wrapping the car battery. Danny felt the rope pulling at him instead. _Home. Love._

Love.

_In love._

Oh.

-

_Oh._

-

He stared into Steve’s eyes, and pushed back the battery towards him.

“Danny –“, Steve started.

“I’ll do it”, Danny said over him.

Danny wasn’t risking losing Steve again.

“ _What?_ No, Danny, I can – “

“I know you can, but you’re not going to! Okay? You had a liver transplant barely _six months ago_ and you want to handle some uranium? _What’s the matter with you?_ ”

Steve head snapped back, frowning, like he barely thought of that. Then frowning harder.

“What about you, Danny? You _gave me_ your liver, it’ll be just as bad for you”, Steve fought, trying to give Danny back the battery to tied it across his chest.

But Danny shook his head, pushing the thing back, “No it won’t, the donor heals faster, remember? I already have a full, healthy liver”

“ _Gentlemen!”_ , the Marshal screamed from the phone, “While this is all very touching, you guys are on ticking clock here!”.

Danny looked back at Steve, who seemed desperate to make Danny change his mind. He wouldn’t though.

Somewhere between having a collapsed building on top of him, then watching Steve almost die as he crashed an airplane, and then having Steve strap a car battery to Danny’s chest, Danny stopped saying “I love you”. No matter how many times Steve said it, Danny couldn’t say it back anymore.

Because now he knew, somewhere between those three places in time, “I love you”, became “I’m in love with you”, and the former now felt like a lie while the latter was an impossibility. And Danny Williams was a lot of things, but he wasn’t a Liar.

So he stopped saying anything.

But with that car battery weighing on his chest, the flimsy radiation suit covering his front, his hands on what was left of the truck’s bed, he tried thinking of anything. _He should say something_. That could be the last time he and Steve ever saw each other alive if the bomb went off. _He should say something_. But his mind kept coming back to Grace and Charlie, Nahele, all the way across the island and still somehow on the blast zone, his heart wanted to give out at the smallest thought of any of this going wrong and what it would mean for them.

Steve looked as unsteady as Danny felt.

“I – “, Steve started, eyes wide, but couldn’t seem to be able to say anything else.

Danny’s throat was dry.

“You don’t have to say anything. I know, okay? I know”.

Steve nodded, faltered in his step, then turned away to get some distance between them.

Danny watched him walk away.

-

If Steve thought he was in debt to Danny before, now, as he looked on from the treelines to the man handling a highly unstable chemical from a bomb, Steve was sure he really could never do anything that would make up to him, in a thousand years, he would still owe Danny Williams everything.

Steve fancied himself a protector, but it was always Danny who kept saving _him_.

“Steve! It’s done!”, Danny screamed, Steve watched as he quickly sealed the cylinder with the Uranium and hung up on the Marshal.

Steve helped him to unstrap the car battery and take out the radiation suit, they unloaded the bomb and drove away. Steve breathed, counting on his head, _30, 29, 28, 27, 26, 25…_

“Danny, hold on!”, he yelled.

“ _What?”_

He flipped them over.

The truck slid sideways against the tall grass, Steve held on to the side of the seat as to not fall down against the shattered window. Danny had one hand on the cylinder the other on the handle above the door, screaming bloody murder at him.

_15, 14, 13…_

“We’re gonna use this for cover, okay?”, Steve yelled back as they kicked at the windshield, “Get behind the hood!”.

Danny was still yelling but at least he was complying. They sat down side by side, Danny with the cylinder on his lap, holding it with one hand as the other moved around with his every screamed word.

“Danny! _Danny_ , hey!”, Steve yelled over him.

“What? _What?”_.

Steve held his moving hand, squeezing it.

Danny’s eyes found his.

“If I die you have to take care of Nahele, okay? Promise me!”

Steve couldn’t seem to stop piling up favours with Danny, but this was important, maybe the most important one.

_3, 2…_

_“What –“_

The bomb went off.

-

_A McGarrett Family Explosion_

-

His ears were still ringing as they touched down from the chopper, calling Nahele to make sure everything was okay.

_“_ _Someone wanted to see McGarrett’s home burn”._

Steve’s home was so many people though. Not just this island.

He needed to call Mary too. Doris. Joe.

Catherine. Though she didn’t feel like home anymore, she could still get caught in the crossfire.

Well, Joe and Catherine were a toss-up if he would even be able to reach them, but he felt like he should at least try. In the least, Harry should know something about their status.

“ _You okay?_ ”, came Nahele’s frantic voice as soon as he picked up.

Steve smiled despite himself, “I’m fine, keiki. Don’t worry, okay? How are things there?”.

“Uh, they’re fine? Fineish”

“Fineish?”, he frowned. He stared at Danny who had his own phone against his ear but talking to Lou. They were making their way out of the airstrip and to the parking lot.

“Mrs. Edwards was really worried when you guys left, she almost convinced Mr. Edwards to leave the island. Grace screamed a lot about that though”, Steve winced. Danny had a handful to deal with when they went back to pick up the kids. “They aren’t speaking right now”, Steve sighed, “Can I tell everyone everything’s okay? Everything is okay, right?”.

Steve handed Danny the keys to the Camaro, making him do a double take at Steve’s face before taking them, and Steve pointed at the phone with annoyance, “We got the Uranium, the bomb is – gone. You can pass down the news, yeah”.

He heard Nahele relay everything to most likely Grace, they talked some more, Steve promised to pick them up before dinner and hung up.

“You okay, babe? Everything okay back at the mansion?”, Danny asked.

Steve sunk further against the passenger seat. He really could use with the distraction of driving then.

“Nahele said Rachel almost convinced Stan to leave the island”, the car jerked around as Danny almost hit the brakes and turned on the wheel.

“ _Jesus –_ Don’t just say these things! What’s the matter with you?”, Danny shrieked.

Steve felt himself almost smile then. Danny ranting at him inconsequentially was all the distraction he needed.

 _Home_.

-

Interpol was suddenly very interested in the McGarrett family.

Steve had been on call with their people for basically five days straight, Danny and the team had been reviewing case after case of people that could be behind sending Abati to the island and maybe connected to all the other Interpol cases they handled. No one seemed to match though. They were either very low on the food chain to pull a hit like that or still in jail with limited connections.

Steve reached out to Doris and very cryptically asked about her “insurance policy” that they stole together years ago. They needed to review her connections too, then John’s. Even Mary was sending the cases she had worked on as P.I. back in New York. Wanting to ruin a McGarrett’s life was on the to do list of a lot of bad people apparently.

Danny had sent Chin and Jerry to retrieve Doris’ file, the coordinates pointing them to Central America, somewhere along the coast of Guatemala, near the Mexican border. It took them three days to translate Doris’ cypher, she hid the coordinates in a five-minute-long conversation with Steve about pediatricians for Nahele. Danny could say what he would about the woman, but she was dangerously smart.

More than once during the next few days since the bomb explosion, Danny found himself wondering what she would say about him being in love with her son. He never reached any sort of conclusion though. He was also not planning to ever find out.

Not that things had changed now that he had this revelation about his feelings. Steve was still Steve, bullheaded and bulletproof, now also a dad. They still cared for each other’s kids, made grilled cheeses and coffee in the afternoon if they could get away from the office. Danny called him an idiot and an animal, complained about his driving. And sometimes he would put his hand on Steve’s shoulder and Steve would take it and hold it in his. Danny would feel as warm as the Hawaiian sun.

In the days after the bomb explosion, they would pick up the kids and take them back to the office, not really willingly to leave them alone at the house and not really done for the day. Grace and Nahele would either hole up on the break room down the hall to eat all their left-over snacks – Danny was sure Grace had had a cup of really old coffee one of those days – Or talk Kono’s ears off at her office. Twice Danny had Charlie for a couple of hours and the kid spent it all sliding on the offices’ floors on his socks, Nahele and Grace filming the whole thing on their phones.

Then Lou was offering to take the kids to his place while Steve and Danny finished up and Danny was sure the man just wanted an excuse to not be in the office after 5 p.m. for the fifth day straight staring at the faces of all the people Five-0 had put away in seven years.

After the first week of this routine, Danny thought about the hole in his chest as he stared at the ceiling at night, willing himself to sleep, and found it smaller. Like he could breathe through it, knowing his team had his back.

It had also been five days since he had woken up in a cold sweat, trying not to remember what the hell he just dreamed about. Most nights he still had trouble falling asleep, turning off his chatty brain still a hard feat to accomplish, but he would think about his kids, and he would have a stupid smile on his face as he would think about Nahele and all the times he almost called Steve _dad_ that day, and how three seconds from crying Steve was every time it almost happened.

He would think about the few minutes before the bomb went off, as his hands worked on taking the Uranium from the cylinder, his breathing loud against his ears inside the ratty radiation suit, the car battery a weight against his chest, and how glad he was Steve wasn’t the one doing that, wasn’t the one sacrificing himself for once.

And how he should probably really see a therapist if what it took for him to fall asleep was diffusing a dirty bomb so Steve wouldn’t have to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song Depth over distance, by Ben Howard (I listen to him a lot guys)
> 
> Chapter set around 7x18! Steve's a dad! Danny had his Oh moment! Danny handled the uranium, not Steve! And remember when I said I had little to no knowledge of the american foster system? Yeah, so you guys can count the whole court room scene as poetic license because i'm pretty sure that's not how a real adoption court case goes. And back on 7x18 when they show abati's camp they apparently pass some radiation suits? and it always bothered me that danny or steve didn't think of taking them. Also when I stopped to think about it and do some actual research on liver transplants, it didn't make sense for me to make Steve handle the uranium on this fic? so he doesn't here and obviously danny steps in.  
> Also I had to have an Oh moment on this fic (Steve obviously has to have his own Oh moment too) otherwise i couldn't call this the slow ass burn it is.  
> This and the last chapter I posted had a few parallel moments with the first few chapters of this fics, don't know if anyone picked up on it, but i just wanted to geek out a bit about storytelling here.
> 
> There's two chapters left on this fist half of the fic, and I might take a little break from posting on January to finish up some chapter for the second half in advance, so I want to post the whole first half before the year's up, so that's why I posted this chapter so soon after the last one!
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and thanks for the lovely comments, it's one of the reasons I'm still excited about writing and posting this story!


	12. You inherited a fight you were born to lose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING - mentions of sexual abuse, panic attacks
> 
> this chapter's story goes through the 7x19 ep, where there's the sex trafficking case, so there's some vague mentions to sexual abuse, but no graphic descriptions, so I just wanted to put a warning here for anyone who wants to skip it. It starts right on the first session of the chapter "truths at night", right after Danny and Kono talk, and you can search for “You’re meeting up with Lynn today, right?”, to skip it entirely and I'll give a basic run down of important plot points of this bit in the end of the chapter!

-

_Truths at night_

-

They had been so focused on the Interpol-now-McGarrett case, they almost forgot they still were local law enforcement, so when Noelani dropped a case on Kono’s lap about a missing girl that turned into going after a sex trafficking ring, they all kinda got whiplash from changing gears so fast.

Danny had never seen Kono that way though, the quiet fury to her as she went after every lead they had. Kono had always been sniper material, deadly and precise, no nonsense kind of personality when it came to the job – a high contrast to her usual cheery self – but that case she was all Steve, still deadly and precise, but in a brutal way, like she wasn’t the sniper anymore, she was the bullet.

That night, Danny asked Grace if she wanted to spend a few hours at Steve’s and went knocking on Kono’s door after dinner.

Adam was the one who answered though.

“Hey, Danny, what can I do for you?”, the guy had clearly just woken up, those early day shifts at the construction job probably still making him go to bed as early as Charlie did.

“Is Kono there?”, Danny asked, noticing the quietness to the house.

Adam frowned, “She said she was going for a drive after dinner, hasn’t been back yet. Why? Did something happen?”, Danny could see the guy was already thinking of putting on his shoes to go after her, so he shook his head.

“Everything’s fine, don’t worry”, he said, “I just wanted to check up on her”.

He left already dialing Kono’s number, he got a hold of her after his fifth try and had found her after a forty-minute drive to Waimanalo beach, sitting cross-legged on the sand, wind blowing her hair, longboard at her side.

“Catch anything?”, he asked as he sat down beside her, knees raised in front of him.

She kept staring at the dark waters, “Didn’t really come here for the waves, just wanted to be on the water for a little while”.

Danny nudged her shoulder with his, “I’m sorry today was so hard”, he said.

But she shook her head, “I wanted to do more”.

“We did everything we could”.

“Yeah”, she breathed out.

They watched the moonlit water, the low tide making soft ripples as the wind blew.

“Danny”, Kono said, her voice with something like fear to it, making Danny turn to look at her, smooth features almost hidden even with the moonlight above then, “I need to tell you something that I haven’t told anyone and I need you to tell me everything is going to be okay”, she said in a rush, barely breathing between words, “Okay?”.

Danny had a pit growing in his stomach as he stared at his friend, but Kono was still staring at the water.

She breathed heavily, closed her eyes and gnawed on her bottom lip for a couple of seconds that sent Danny’s mind reeling at what could possibly be that she wanted to tell him.

“I think I might be pregnant”.

The pit dissolved.

He didn’t think he should be excited though, Kono’s seemed one wrong word from sprinting back to the ocean. He leaned forward on his legs, digging his heels against the humid sand.

“I can’t be a _mom_ , Danny”, she kept going, “I know being a parent iss your whole thing, but I’m not ready. I’m really, _really_ , not”.

“Do you want me to tell everything’s gonna be okay or you want me to tell you the truth?”.

She closed her eyes again before saying, “The truth”.

He nudged her again, “Everything’s gonna be okay”, he said then.

She sagged against him, shaking her head, but smiling.

“Are you sure though? Did you – did you take a test?”

She shook her head, “Haven’t had the guts yet, but I’m late, been feeling a bit weird lately, I don’t know”.

“What about Adam?”

She smiled wider, eyes almost closing against her full cheeks, “Adam? Adam will be thrilled if it’s true”, then she bit her lip, taking a breath, “I mean, I don’t know, the job thing has been hard on him, the construction pay is crap, and, y’know, we may be the governor’s task force, but the pay still not great”.

_Didn’t he know it?_

“You should talk to him”, Danny said, “And do a test to be sure you’re not getting worked up for nothing”, he paused, “And for what it’s worth, I think you would be a great mom, really, really great. And being a parent it’s my whole thing apparently, so you know I’m right”.

He watched her snort and felt lighter, even though he could feel the wetness from the sand sipping through his shorts.

“Do you want me to change the subject?”, he asked then.

“Please do”.

It was Danny’s time to take a breath.

“Do you remember when I told you I wasn’t in love with Steve?”

She raised an eyebrow as she turned to him, something like a smile already appearing on her face.

“Yeah?”.

He stared at the stars as he said, “I don’t think that’s true anymore”.

“Why’s that?”

He rolled his eyes, “You’re really gonna make me say it?”

“I have no idea what’re you talking about, now answer the question, Daniel”.

Danny huffed, but smiled, “I’m in love with Steve McGarrett, that damn idiot”, he said, shaking his head down.

Kono giggled as she collapsed on him again, “ _I knew it!_ ”, she yelled out, “Lou owes me my twenty bucks back!”.

Danny frowned.

“ _What?_ ”.

-

Grace was explaining the hockey game that was on to Nahele, naming all the player’s and their respective stats and Steve was just a bit frightened of how serious the Williams’ took sports. Nahele was engrossed though, squinting at the screen trying to spot the puck flying around the rink.

Steve was on the lounge chair, feet up and glass of iced tea on his hands, switching his gaze from the TV to the teens, not sure which was more amusing to him.

“It’s the playoffs, me and Danno never miss a game”, Grace said as the Penguins scored again, the Capitals fans booing them mercilessly.

Nahele frowned, “The Devils aren’t even playing”, he said, but Grace just shrugged, “Why he’s not watching it then?”, Nahele asked then.

Grace shrugged again, “He said he needed to check on Aunt Kono”.

Both teens turned to stare at Steve.

“Is she okay?”, Nahele asked.

Steve winced, “She’s fine, we just had a tough case today”.

“Tough how?”, it was Grace who asked.

It was just like Danny to go off into the night and leave Steve to explain to two teenagers what sex trafficking was. Steve barely wanted to say the word _sex_ in front of them, much less everything else about the case.

“Uncle Steve?”, Grace pressed when he took too long to answer, face probably stuck on Aneurysm Face.

Steve leaned forward to grab the TV remote from the coffee table and mute the game, leaving the iced tea glass on the table even though he didn’t bring a coaster for it.

He went through all the ways he could start that conversation, grimacing at every option his mind came up with. He blew out a breath before staring at both teens.

“You know how we sometimes deal with people selling illegal things? Like guns, and, hm, drugs?”, Steve was sure Rachel was going to appear at any second to take Grace as far away from that conversation as she could. He waited until both of them nodded before continuing, “Well, sometimes people try – selling other people”.

“Like Sang Min?”, Grace asked, dark eyes round on her face.

Steve frowned, “How do you even _know_ about that?”, he mumbled, Grace shrugged, “But yeah, Sang Min used to do this. And hm, sometimes, people sell other people for _specific_ purposes”, Steve winced, hating where this was going, feeling something dirty cling to his skin, “Today we dealt with some people selling – “, he looked at Grace then, and his heart threatened to give out, “Trafficking young girls. Sex trafficking”, he said, voice serious then. Grace shrunk on herself, eyes bugging out as she bit at her top lip.

Steve got up and sat in front of her on the coffee table, he glanced at Nahele, who had a frown so deep there was a vein sticking out on his forehead. Steve took Grace’s small hands in his, “Everything’s fine, okay? We got the people doing this”, they weren’t sure they had been working alone, but Steve wasn’t about to just say that to Grace.

Grace sniffed and nodded quickly, looking at their joined hands. Steve squeezed them more.

Then –

“Dad?”.

Nahele’s voice was small. The single word piercing through Steve’s chest. But something was wrong.

He and Grace turned to Nahele.

The kid’s face was white against the cold light from the TV, his chest was rising and falling shallowly. Steve let go of one of Grace’s hands to reach out to Nahele, but as soon as he touched his clammy skin the kid jumped back, and Steve felt ice poured down his veins.

“Nahele, what’s wrong?”, he urged, shoulders tense as he sat there, hovering hands in front Nahele’s unfocused eyes, “ _Nahele?_ ”.

“I – I can’t breathe”, he rasped out, “ _Dad, I can’t breathe_ ”.

Nahele hands were grasping at his own chest then pressing at his eyes painfully. Steve could barely stand it.

“Grace, give him so space, okay?”, he said quickly, and Grace scooted all the way to the arm of the couch, “Nahele, _keiki_ , look at me”, Nahele pressed harder against his eyes, “Please, look at me, okay? I think you’re having a panic attack and I’m gonna help you, but you have to _look at me_ ”.

Nahele took three shallow breaths before putting down his hands from his eyes, bawling them over his knees. His whole body was trembling slightly with every quick breath and Steve’s mind was running a thousand scenarios in his head, but he didn’t have time to deal with any them.

“I want you to breath with me, can you do that?”, Nahele nodded frantically even though Steve was using the calmest tone he could muster. Steve roamed around the coffee table until he found the TV remote and hit it strongly enough to dislodge the batteries on the floor. He held it out in between them, “Hold this and press the buttons slowly with your fingertips”, Nahele frowned slightly but took the remote and held it so tight his knuckles turned white, “Now breathe with me. Ready?”, he slowly counted to four, breathing in visibly and watched Nahele do the same as his fingers ran through the remote buttons, then he counted back to one and breathed out.

He wasn’t sure how long they just slowly breathed, Grace besides them watching, but then Nahele kind of just sagged down, shoulder hunching forward as he took a deep breath without help, letting go of the remote on the floor.

Steve and Grace shared a look and Nahele lowered his head, grabbing at his hair.

“Sorry”, he mumbled down to his own lap.

Steve sighed, “Keiki, can I touch you now?”.

Nahele grimaced but nodded.

Steve leaned forward on the coffee table and reached out his hands until he unfurled Nahele’s fingers from his own hair. He held the hand in between his and lowered his head to try and look the kid in the eyes, but Nahele was keeping his head firmly down.

“Do you know what a panic attack is?”, he asked, Nahele shook his head, Steve looked over to Grace, her eyes were wide, but she nodded, “Okay. It’s your brain telling your body you’re in danger, even though you may not be and sometimes it can feel a bit like dying. It’s nothing to be sorry for or to be ashamed of, but it’s okay to take your time. I used to have them too, still do sometimes”.

Nahele’s head snapped up at that and Grace scooted closer again, she nudged him slowly with her shoulder.

“Me too, ‘Hele”.

Nahele looked over at her then back to Steve.

“I think I had them before”, Nahele said, voice rough, almost like he was going to keep talking, but he ended up just shaking his head forcefully.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it”.

Nahele nodded silently, and Steve sighed, leaning back a bit, but still holding Nahele’s hand.

“Why did you do the thing with the remote?”, Grace asked quietly, having bent down for the remote, playing with the buttons slowly.

“Ah, I had a friend back at the Navy”, _Freddie Hart_ , “Who used to have panic attacks some nights, and he said holding things he could press helped sometimes”, Freddie would ball his camo jacket and dig his fingers through the ridges of the fabric, counting his breaths with Steve.

Nahele’s hand squeezed one of Steve’s and Steve looked back at him.

“After mom died”, Nahele whispered, looking at some spot on the coffee table, “I was placed in a bunch of foster-homes, and, hm, there was one that – I, uh, I had a couple of foster-brothers there, they were maybe a couple years older than me,”, Steve’s own breathing was starting to come out shallow, he had to make a conscious effort not to squeeze the kid’s hand too hard, “And I’d see our foster – _the_ foster father go in their room late at night. I couldn’t hear much, but they would be quiet the next day and have bruises on weird places”, he flinched, closing his eyes, “I told the social worker once, when he came to inspect the house. I don’t know what happened after that, but they had us out of there the same day. But, uh, after that I couldn’t really sleep anymore, at any foster home, I was always waiting to hear the door opening, even though it _didn’t happen to me_.”, he breathed, “That was when I ran away and started living on the streets. It was just better than the constant _waiting_ ”.

Steve hang his head low for a second so he could catch his breath.

“I’m really sorry that happened”, he said slowly, eyes closed down, “And please don’t say that it’s okay”, he went on, knowing full well that was Nahele’s gut reaction, “It’s not okay. It’s _never_ okay”.

“I know”, was the mumbled answer.

Steve opened his eyes and stared at his son – _his son_.

He looked back at Grace and let go one of his hands from Nahele’s and offered to her, she leaned forward and took it. He looked back between the two teens, staring at him expectantly.

“I love you both very much”, Steve stated firmly, “And me and Danny will always, _always_ , do our best to protect you, no matter what. Do you hear me?”

They both nodded.

Steve squeezed their hands together.

They all seemed to silently agree to put the issue to bed for now. Steve went back to the lounge chair, even though the distance seemed to tug at his heart strings. Grace fished out the batteries for the remote from the floor and unmuted the rest of the hockey game.

She kept explaining the game to Nahele, yelling out at the players or the refs every other minute, and after a few times Nahele joined in, apparently getting the hang of the game, or just trying to distract himself.

Danny got in as the third period was finishing up, the Penguins leading the game which inspired a whole rant from the man, that was cut short when Nahele said he kinda liked their game and thought the Crosby guy was really good.

Danny sported what Steve could only assume was his own Aneurysm Face, somewhere stuck between not wanting to rain on Nahele’s enthusiasm and wanting to shout at all the teams in the same division as the Jersey Devils.

Steve wasn’t completely sure Nahele didn’t just say that to mess with Danny though.

At a quarter to 11p.m. Danny and Grace left, though Grace looked one second away from trying to swing sleeping over again. She hugged Nahele goodbye, as protectively as she seemed to be able to, being a full head smaller than the boy. Nahele looked like a deer caught in headlights for a second before hugging her back.

Danny had the fondest look on his face as he stared at the scene and Steve probably had the same look staring at Danny.

It was pretty late, but at least it wasn’t a school night so Steve wasn’t feeling too bad about Nahele still being up, spring break was starting the following week and with everything else happening Steve was glad school was going to be one less thing to think about. Though Nahele still had piles of homework to do during the break and Steve was making a point of always helping when he could, even though the kid was so, _so_ , smart it made him dizzy with pride.

Nahele went up to get ready for bed as Steve closed up the house and set the alarm, something like unease on his mind as he thought about everything Nahele told him, but he wasn’t sure if should bring up the subject again, if there was anything else he could do or _to_ do.

He was halfway to his own bedroom when Nahele’s voice called from his room, “Hey, uh, can you come here, please?”.

Steve made his way there, stopping to lean on the doorjamb. Nahele was sitting at his bed, feet on the ground as he twisted his hands and sniffed.

“Do you want me to sit with you?”, Steve asked.

Nahele nodded, so Steve went in.

He waited almost a full minute in silence before asking: “What’s up?”.

Nahele took a full breath, staring at his bedroom floor, “Do you think a therapist would help? With something like the panic attacks?”, Nahele wondered quietly.

Steve stared at Nahele’s profile for a long second, taking in his slight frown.

“Yeah”, Steve whispered back, “I think so. Did it really freak you out?”

Nahele sniffed again and nodded.

Steve leaned in until their shoulders were touching, even if Steve’s were a lot higher.

“Then if you want, I’ll set everything up and you just have to go and see if you like it, if you don’t, we’ll take it from there”.

“Yeah, okay”.

They sat in silence then, the only sound coming from the wind outside, rustling the tree branches and leaves, the crash of the waves against the shore. Nahele slept with the windows closed, so the sound was muffled, and the room was almost too warm for Steve.

Steve thought that maybe he should take his leave, this whole talking about real and emotional things with his son still a trial-and-error kind of situation.

He was about to get up when Nahele spoke up.

“I called you ‘dad’”, he whispered.

Steve let himself smile, even if it was just a little.

“Yeah, you did”.

Nahele sniffed, “Is it okay?”

Steve smiled wider, feeling warm and throwing his arm around Nahele’s hunched shoulders, “If it’s what you want, then it’s more than okay”.

The kid nodded, “I didn’t just say it because of the panic attack, but it kinda just came out. I wanted to say it for a while now but –”

He paused, and when nothing else came, Steve insisted with, “But?”.

Nahele shrugged, “I kept waiting for something to go wrong, so I didn’t wanna put it out there like an idiot”.

“You sound just like Danny, you know that, right?”, he joked, making the kid scrunch his nose as he smiled too, “As I said before though, to me, you’re my son. And if you want to call me ‘dad’ or just ‘Steve’, either way, that’s not gonna change”.

Nahele nodded again. “’Kay”, then, “Thanks”.

Steve was still smiling as he got up, ruffling the kid’s hair.

“Goodnight, keiki”, he said from the doorway.

“’Night, dad”.

-

“You’re meeting up with Lynn today, right?”, Chin asked from Steve’s office door.

Steve turned away from the file he had in his hands. He was the only one going through his own Navy files, and it was a big pile. He was waiting on some feedback from Joe about a few ops they had together, since those files were classified even for him.

Chin had a small smile on his face, knowing eyes staring at Steve.

“Yeah, meeting her for coffee after work”, he answered.

With Spring Break, he and Danny had been either leaving the kids at his house, after much grovelling from Nahele that he didn’t need some kid his age to babysit him, or they would all hang at Lou’s and maybe go out, and Steve still wondered if Nahele had friends outside the group.

That day Nahele had a shift at Flippa’s truck though, so that meant Steve could pick him up right after his meet up – not date – with Lynn.

Their phone call to set everything up had been stilted at best, specially before he dropped the _“I have a kid now”_ bomb at her. She had let out a _“what?”_ and huffed out a surprised laugh.

“Abby’s been thinking if we shouldn’t do the same with Sara”, Chin kept saying, “She lost her mother horribly and Gabriel was, well, _Gabriel_ , I don’t even know if she remembers him that well”, he shrugged helplessly then, mouth in a frown.

“I can ask Lynn about it if you want”, Steve offered, but Chin shook his head.

“It’s fine, we’re still talking about it”, he moved in to the office, sitting in front of Steve, “I would offer help on how to deal with talking to an ex, but I re-married my ex-wife, so I don’t think I can do much for you”, he snickered.

“Thanks”, Steve deadpanned, “But it’s gonna be fine, we’ll sit, keep the conversation to the point, drink coffee, and get out”.

“Surgical strike, huh?”

“Exactly”.

Which was a great plan and it _almost_ worked. Steve had sat at the Wailana ten minutes in advance, fidgeting in his seat as the waitresses eyed him with smiling eyes, probably all gossiping about him as they did. Lynn arrived on the dot. She had a moment of hesitance as she first spotted him sitting there and Steve smiled weakly. She looked the same, though her bangs were shorter. He was suddenly reminded of Grace calling that kind of thing a “break-up haircut” and he had to try hard not to visibly wince.

“You look good”, he said as she sat down, and they awkwardly greeted each other.

She smiled bashfully as she said, “Thanks, you look _exactly_ the same though”.

Steve smiled too, shrugging.

Then they drove right in, she told him about the different professionals she knew, their methods, she asked about Nahele and what he needed, and Steve answered as best as he could.

Things were fine, they were almost setting up to leave when Lynn ran her finger through the tips of her hair and asked, “How about you though? Aside from the kid, which I still can barely believe, how are you doing?”

Steve thought about the mess with Interpol, the faceless enemy he was trying to find and said, “Same as always, busier now. You?”

She shrugged noncommittally, “I’m getting by, sticking to coffee shops for first dates”

Steve smiled, “No desert islands anymore, huh?”

She shook her head, smiling too.

“We had fun though”

“We did”, he agreed.

She sipped at the rest of her coffee, eyeing him up and down, “You’re not dating anyone?”.

Steve winced theatrically, “You wanna make sure you won the break-up?”

Lynn smiled widened, “Oh, I know I won, just wanna know my head start”.

Steve shook his head, hand over the table holding his cold and empty cup of coffee, the other leaning against the back of the seat. The sun was making its way down to the horizon, casting orange shadows inside the diner, they bounced on Lynn’s blond head and suddenly Steve was thinking about someone else entirely. Slicked back blond, droopy blue eyes, no inside voice.

“Nah, not dating anyone, _haven’t_ dated anyone”, he had to shrug again so he wouldn’t feel too pathetic, “As I said, things have been busy”.

Lynn shook her head, a wry smile on her face.

“I gathered, you’re always busy. Was one of the reasons we break up. Was one of the reasons Danny and Mel broke up too”

Steve frowned, “Because I was busy?”

She rolled her eyes, “Because with the both of you it’s always Five-0 first, the job and the people, everything else comes second”.

They had this conversation already, just before they were officially broken up, how he never tried, or at least didn’t try hard enough, to carve a space for her on his life, “I’m still sorry, if that’s worth anything”.

“It’s _fine_ , Steve”, she said, but her smile was still on the wrong side of a true one, sitting uncomfortably on her lips, “I gotta go, but I hope I helped with Nahele”.

She started to get up and Steve followed her, “You did, thank you”.

She smiled, truer this time. They hugged briefly and she eyed him up and down again, “You seem like a good father, Steve, I’m glad things worked out for you”.

Steve held his breath for a second, not really sure how to respond, so he just nodded and watched as she turned to leave.

-

_The McGarrett gut-punch reaction_

-

Danny had been in the bathroom for what it seemed like an eternity, whatever it was that Flippa and Kamekona made them try out the day before did _not_ sit well with him, he was throwing up like he was 17 and hungover for the first time.

Grace, thank god, had not woken up with his retching, but the sun was about to come up soon. Danny got up on his unsteady knees, leaning heavily against the wall behind him. He took one, two, three, steadying breaths before leaning against the sink to splash cold water against his face, though he should probably just get in the shower.

The rest of the morning he felt like his stomach was taunting him. Danny drove Grace to a friend’s house so slowly she was nagging him the whole time but at least he didn’t have to roll down his window to throw up on the way.

He and Steve had their eighth – that was supposed to be six – month check-up with the transplant doctor that day, and by the time Danny parked outside Steve’s house to go together, they were pushing on already being late and Steve was grumpy and speeding across the streets towards Queen’s and Danny was trying really hard to keep his bland oatmeal breakfast from his Camaro seats.

“Why do you look so _green_?”, Steve asked him.

Danny was so tired he didn’t even have it in him to be snarky, “I don’t know, probably the shrimp monstrosity we ate yesterday”

Steve frowned, “Really? It was fine for me”.

Danny had to roll his eyes, “Yeah, because you have a steel lining on your stomach, you animal”.

“You’ re being a little dramatic”, Steve said, a squint to his eyes.

“I’ll give you dramatic if you don’t slow down”, Danny threatened, holding his stomach, “I’ll throw up all over you”.

Steve grimaced, but ended up smirking at him, “Sorry to disappoint, but we’re here”.

Danny grumbled, “I hate you”.

They were directed to an empty consultation room with the air conditioning turned all the way down to wait for the doctor and Danny played around with the instruments and tools there to distract himself and so he could get a smile out of Steve.

The doctor went in, cleared Steve in under five minutes even though he said he was still in a recovery stage and drinking should be really, _really_ , moderate if any at all, that he shouldn’t lift too much weight – like not lifting wood planks and non-atomic bombs. But he looked at Danny and frowned, “We want to run a few additional tests, if you don’t mind”.

Danny looked at the requisition form and frowned too but agreed anyway.

“It’s probably nothing”, Steve said as they got ready to leave.

“Yeah”, he mumbled just as Steve phone went off.

-

Jerry was at the smart table, talking about sunken ships and rogue Japanese trollers and connections to:

“Michelle Shioma”, Danny said as her picture appeared on the screen in front of them, glancing at Steve. For his part, Steve wasn’t sure his stomach just turned to a block of ice or if he was relieved, they finally got a lead on her, even if it was almost by accident because some locals stumbled upon a crime scene on open waters.

Jerry tracked the troller connected to her to Lanai, and that meant she wasn’t on the run like they thought, she was probably making a lot of moves there, hidden. Moves like sending terrorists after Five-0. Maybe they had been looking at it all wrong, and Shioma wasn’t the connection, but their target all along.

“I can see where your mind is going, Commander”, Jerry said, “But even Shioma doesn’t have the connections to pull off a hit like the ones we’re getting lately”.

Steve deflated, but Danny smiled to Jerry, a hand landing on the guy’s arm, “Thank you for anticipating this animal’s thought process, buddy.”, he said, almost making Steve huff out an annoyed laugh. Almost.

Chin and Kono got in the office – Lou was back in Chicago for the Clay Maxwell court hearing, and it grated at Steve that he was a man down for this – and they started getting ready to go to Lanai, and after the fiasco with Gabriel Waincroft, Steve wasn’t going to risk involving HPD in this, so he looked at Jerry, heavy gear weighting on him, and said: “You’re our eyes and ears, okay? You’re the back-up”.

And Danny sighed, rolled his eyes and grimaced – he still looked a little green around the edges – “I hate when he says that”, he grumbled.

And they were off, Steve borrowed Kamekona’s chopper for the hundredth time, promising he would fill the tank. Though before they took off, he called Nahele to say he might be a little late today and to not wait up for him, reminding him about the money for food besides the microwave and then about setting the alarm for the house and being careful and Nahele reminded him of the same thing. He heard Danny talking to Grace then Rachel, Chin talking to Abby and Sara, Kono leaving Adam a voicemail because he was probably busy at the construction site.

And it hit him how they all had people waiting for them to comeback, how Danny could have not come back from the confrontation with Abati if something had gone wrong when he was handling the uranium from the bomb, how Chin and Kono and Lou were always on the line of fire, running after Steve.

Steve had to force himself to stop, he had a mission and he had to protect his team, he couldn’t do that if he was doubting himself.

It didn’t make a difference though, as they found four bodies hanging from a tree and were ambushed, their comms going down as flash bombs were scattered on the ground around them and started going off. By the time Steve got his baring again they were surrounded, and right in front of him was Shioma, serious gaze looking down at him.

Around them were a lot of faces they all had been acquainted with for the last few months looking for Shioma and her associates, and they were all pointing machine guns at them.

“Easy, easy”, Steve warned as he started getting up on his knees.

“Take them”, Shioma ordered and turned to leave, not even sparing them a second glance, like they were just bugs that got stuck under her shoe, like Steve wasn’t sure she _knew_ they had been looking for her for _months_.

Steve escaped the guy trying to get him to his feet and started toward her, only to stop not even six feet away, when she turned and pulled a gun, pointing it at where his team was behind him.

Steve looked back and sure enough, they all looked like they had been halfway into struggling to back him up to get to Shioma but had stopped as soon as he did too.

“Ah, Commander McGarrett’, Shioma said and her goons all started tying their hands behind their backs with thick ropes, “Know that the only reason I don’t kill you and your team right here, right now, is because someone else already has their eyes on you”, she smiled then, a wicked twist of her mouth, “I’m sure you know what I mean”.

Steve’s feet suddenly lost their place in the uneven ground and he almost tumbled, then he started struggling back against the guy holding him, breathing hard, “Tell me who they are!”, he commanded roughly. He knew she was just taunting him, but he couldn’t help it as his legs kicked forward and the guy holding him almost lost the grip on his arms.

The goon standing next to Steve pushed the butt of his gun against Steve’s abdomen and he doubled over for a second before continuing to struggle. With a glance sideways, Danny, Chin and Kono were trying to get away again too. _God_ , he loved his team.

Shioma looked at her lieutenant and suddenly the whole team had guns trained on them and Steve had to stop again. He needed to remain level-headed, this wasn’t helping anything. Shioma smiled again and approached Steve almost like a predator to a prey.

“I couldn’t tell you, or wouldn’t, doesn’t really matter. The only thing _I will say_ is this”, she paused, looking at each one of them before turning back to Steve, “You better be prepared because they are coming after _everything_ that you care about most in this world”.

Steve saw only red, heard nothing but the blood in his ears as he struggled against the rope pulling him back.

The corners of her mouth twisted up slightly and she told her crew to drag them to the camp, speaking in Japanese, that they were to start packing up the camp to leave immediately.

Apparently she either didn’t know Steve – and Chin and a bit Kono – knew Japanese, or didn’t care.

They were thrown in a cage when they got to the camp, and if any of them thought it was strange none of the goons stuck around to watch them, they didn’t say it. Shioma couldn’t make it clearer they weren’t posing a threat to her there.

“You’re a Navy SEAL, right, you know how to pick a lock”, Danny said, “I’m sure you’ve picked the locks on the governor’s mansion when you broke in, this will be nothing”.

“Then what, Danny? We still got a camp full of heavily armed Yakuza members to go through to get out of here”

“So we just sit and wait?”, Kono argued.

Steve sighed, closing his eyes for a second to try and _think_ , but the only thing going through his mind was Shioma’s words, her warning, meddling in with Abati’s.

“ _No_ , but we need a plan first”, Steve grunted.

“Oh, we need a plan? That’s a first for you, huh?”, Danny snarked at him.

“ _Danny_ ”, Steve snapped, “I know you need to rant at something right now, but could you schedule it for _later?_ ”.

Danny almost looked affronted, but snapped his mouth shut anyway.

“She’ll probably leave us here”, Chin offered, “She said she won’t kill us, right? That means she’ll probably not take us either. If we wait it out, eventually Jerry will send help”.

“We can’t _wait it out_ ”, Kono countered, louder, “Shioma is _right there!_ We need to find a way to bring her in”.

They all stared at each other for a second.

“I’m normally on the side with less chances of dying, but I think we need to get Shioma too”, Danny said, and Chin raised his hands in surrender.

Steve breathed out in relief, not really sure why, then he said, “That’s settled then”.

-

When the sky darkened and the moon was high, Steve picked at the lock of the cage and made his way through the camp, hiding in between the shadows as the men walked around on patrol or carrying craters towards the beach.

He waited as he leaned against a large tree trunk, hearing muffled footsteps approaching him slowly and rhythmically, the rustle of a gun against itself, the wind above him trying to drown everything out.

When the footsteps were right by his ears, he grabbed by instinct, his eyes useless against the dark forest, one hand holding on to the gun against the guys chest, the other snaking through his neck until he had him in a headlock, cutting his airway so he couldn’t scream.

Steve waited until the guy passed out and laid him on the ground, patting him down until he found the guy’s sat phone.

Steve stopped for a second, listening to his surroundings.

He dialled Jerry’s number.

“ _Oh, thank god”_ , Jerry said as soon as he picked up, “Commander, is everything okay? What happened?”

“Jerry, I need you to send Duke here with _only_ people he trusts, one hundred percent. Shioma got us, and she’s getting ready to leave any minute now”

“On it”, Jerry immediately said, and Steve could breathe easier, “And just so you know, Nahele’s with me, I brought him to my house, I hope it’s okay, since Grover’s in Chicago”.

Now Steve felt like all the air just escaped him, thank god for Jerry Ortega.

“Thank you, Jerry”, he said truthfully, “I have to go”.

Steve walked back to the cage, to relay the news that back-up was coming, but only to find it empty. He only had time to breathe once before something hit him in the back of the head and everything blacked out for a couple of seconds. Next thing he knew he was being dragged, his feet the only thing in his line of sight.

He was thrown and he felt sand against his skin, he knelt, hands tied behind his back again, head against the rough grain for a second to catch his breath.

With the corner of his eye, he looked sideways to a bunch of figures lit up by strong yellow lights stuck on the sand, he concentrated and heard the sea right beside him, he breathed deeply, and he felt heat behind him, he held out a tied hand behind him and found some fabric, then another hand.

Danny’s hand.

Somehow, he knew those callous and rough skin belonged to the man.

He squeezed once before letting go.

Shioma was walking towards them.

“You think I didn’t hear that conversation with what remained of your team? Don’t you think now I know HPD is coming, but _hours_ from now? Giving me plenty of time to be as far away from here as I can? I thought you’re smarter, _Commander_ ”.

Steve glared at her, “We’ll get you”, he threatened, “Maybe not today, but we’ll get you and no matter what you say, nothing will keep you from prison”.

She smiled, “We’ll see about that”.

And like he had planned it, they started hearing the loud metallic noise of helicopter blades cutting through the air, followed by the thud of big machine guns being fired, bullets the size of his fingers hitting bodies and sand.

Shioma started to run.

“Take cover!”, Steve screamed at his team as he got up, jumped over his tied hands to put them in front of his body and started to run too.

“What about you, you idiot?!”, Danny’s loud voice followed him.

Steve just kept running after Shioma’s back, following her into the woods, barely able to see her dark clothes against the few patches of light coming from the moon and through the treetops.

Steve took impulse with his feet against a tree, throwing himself in the air to tackle her down. He collided against her and they rolled on the uneven ground. He immediately started to stand up when he heard the safety of her gun being released, making him stop instinctively.

“You’re gonna show me where the chopper you came in is”, she grounded out, breathless too.

“Or what?”, Steve defied, “You’re gonna shoot me? You already said you’re not gonna kill me”.

“Maybe I changed my mind”, she fired a warning shot that went right by his shoulder and made his ears ring.

“Hey, hey, hey! Put it down!”, Danny’s voice screamed at them as he appeared through the treelines, gun in his hand and pointing at Shioma on the floor.

And Steve’s head hung low in relief for a second as Shioma let go of the gun.

The three of them made their way towards the beach again, Steve and Danny with guns trained on Shioma the whole way as she walked with her hands up.

“This isn’t over, you know?”, she said as they got there and HPD was rounding up whoever was left of her crew.

“Shut up”, he and Danny said at the same time.

They hander her over to Duke who handed him a radio with Jerry on the other line.

“Jerry?”

There was a beat of silence, “This is Special Consultant Jerry Ortega, over”.

Steve let out a small laugh, “I’m just wondering how you got Duke here not even an hour after I called you”

Another beat of silence.

“Well, you see, when you called I had actually already spoken to Duke”, Jerry admitted, an unsteadiness to his voice, “And when I said I brought Nahele to my place, we were actually still at HQ waiting to hear from him. He was sleeping though!”

“I really wasn’t”, came Nahele’s voice and Steve had to take a steadying breath, somehow overwhelmed by the sudden proof his son was really okay, despite Shioma’s words, “I was just laying down on your couch””.

Steve laughed again, “That’s okay”, he said, “I don’t what to say, Jerry, you disobeyed a direct command”, then he added, “Good job, buddy”.

“Uh…. Thanks, I guess?”

They made their way back on the same chopper as Shioma, Steve’s eyes never leaving her, prepared to jump after her if she even twitched towards the door.

_“Everything that you care about most in this world”_ , was her relayed words to him.

And Steve could maybe make a list of what and who that meant, and it wouldn’t be a long list, but he could barely stand the possibility of crossing something – someone – off of it. Of all the things that could lead to him screaming at his phone again, begging not to have his family taken away from him.

For a second, there was no helicopter, no Shioma in front of him, not even Danny beside him. Steve could only feel the breeze and static of an overcast sky, the heat of a tank burning upside down behind him, the sound of the explosion that took it out still ringing in his ears as Victor Hesse said: “ _My brother is dead, isn’t he? Then so is your father_ ”.

Then a gun going off in a deafening stroke of fate, ending John McGarrett’s life.

-

They had Shioma in the rendition room, giving away nothing as she always did, only staring at them with knowing eyes and a knowing smirk on her face.

When Danny looked over at Steve, he looked like Danny felt the morning before, head sticking into the toilet, one light breeze away from keeling over. Steve was basically useless to interrogate Shioma, probably thinking about all the things her warning could mean for him and Nahele.

When they got out of rendition to take a break on Shioma playing with them, Danny was more or less prepared for Steve to do or say something crazy, he just wasn’t expecting it to be:

“Nahele can’t be here”.

Danny looked around as if the kid had suddenly materialized besides them.

“What’re you talking about?”

“In _Hawaii_ , Danny!”, Steve hissed, “He _can’t be here_ if what Shioma’s said was true! Who knows what could happen, _who_ could come after me. What if he gets in the crossfire? I can’t – I can’t even think of what I’ll do if something happens to him”.

Danny probably should comfort him. The part of him who was completely head over heels in love with Steve McGarrett was screaming at him to just hug the guy and soothe him. But Danny Williams was also a father, and had been that idiot’s best friend for seven years, so what he did was:

“ _What’s the matter with you?!_ You wanna send _your_ kid away?”, he bellowed.

“Danny –“

“No! Okay? Listen to me!”, he kept shouting, jamming his finger against Steve chest, though it barely seemed to bother him, “You are _not_ your father and you won’t do this to that kid, he’s lost enough! He doesn’t need to lose you too”.

-

Steve looked at Danny’s furious eyes, the words “ _you are not your father”_ a slap to his face. But he couldn’t stop his gut from telling him that he wasn’t safe to be around, that people that got close to him ended up hurt or dead.

_“Was it my fault?”_

Was what Nahele asked when he thought about his father dying on the prison transport.

Steve remembered being fifteen, curled on his narrow bed on the Naval Academy, grieving and confused, missing his mother’s laughter echoing through house, his father’s quiet steps during his morning routine, Mary’s annoying quips and quirks, how they always got on each other’s nerves, but had each other’s backs no matter what.

And he remembered wondering why his father didn’t want them there anymore, that maybe he did something wrong, maybe he said the wrong thing at his mother’s funeral, maybe he cried too loudly.

_“Is this a condition?”_

Nahele had asked him, as if he wasn’t enough to be wanted as someone’s child.

And that was when two things hit him at once.

The first one was that the _worst_ thing Steve could ever do to his son, was send him away. Nahele deserved better from Steve, like Steve and Mary had deserved better from John all those years ago.

The second thing was how Danny knew him, how he kept going inside Steve’s head and reading him like an open book. How he kept risking himself to protect Steve.

A truck in North Korea. A laundry factory. A plane. A liver transplant. A bomb.

_“Go on, get out of here!”._

Freddie Hart had screamed.

He couldn’t do that to Danny. He couldn’t risk Grace and Charlie losing their father because of him.

He owed Danny to put a stop at whatever it was Steve was feeling for him, before it painted a bigger target on his back.

“Why do you keep looking at me like that?”, Danny’s voice brought him back to reality, the lights from the underground corridor harsh against Danny’s tired and worried eyes.

“I, uh, you’re right”, Steve said, which made Danny almost step back from him in surprise, “I shouldn’t do this to Nahele”.

Danny breathed a sigh of relief, but Steve felt he was going to throw up.

“We’ll figure this out, okay?”, Danny said, a hand on Steve’s shoulder.

Steve was halfway into to taking it in his, but stopped himself, his hands dropping to his sides like a rope was just cut from a puppet.

-

Danny should have known nothing good could come out of Steve saying “ _you’re right_ ” to him.

Michelle Shioma and Abati’s words were hanging heavy on Steve’s conscience.

Now when Danny looked around into Steve’s office, he was never looking back at him, just staring off into space, creases in his forehead making Steve look older than he really was.

They had set up a party for Jerry getting his badge, even though Danny found it unorthodox to say the least that the guy had a badge and never seen the inside of the police academy before.

And they had their fun, Jerry invited everyone back to his place and it was just a little get together, they needed to unwind, but it fell short somehow.

Lou was carrying whatever it happened on Chicago on his back, it sat heavy on his shoulders. Kono, as far as she told Danny, still hadn’t taken a pregnancy test or told Adam about it. He wasn’t sure what was up with Chin, but he was quieter than usual, talking mutedly with Abby in the corner.

Steve was a high-strung electrical cord, one stroke away from causing an outage with an explosion. He was laughing with Nahele and Jerry on the couch, but a car would pass by outside and he would stop, discretely putting his hand where his holster usually was, his whole posture waiting for something, as if he was behind a crater on the field, waiting for a perp to come closer on the other side.

Danny wanted to scream at him.

But Steve was brushing everything off. That everything was fine _, Danny, can you go make Nahele some company for coffee?_ , and _I can’t have you guys over today, taking care of something else, sorry_ , or _could you check on Nahele, make sure he eats dinner? I’ll be a little late at the office,_ day after day.

It was a seven-year relapse back to when they met, chasing Victor Hesse around the island, then Wo Fat, running on fumes and bad coffee, making snap decisions, and going toe to toe with every perp brutally.

At least now Steve had Nahele to keep him grounded, but Danny was coming closer and closer to just snapping at him and giving him the “We are a task _force_ ” speech again.

By the time Spring Break ended, on top of the new development in their case with Interpol, they were catching hard cases that took their focus out of it, making Steve brash and deadly. Danny had his own problems, having to make time to take more tests for his transplant doctor, the bouts of nausea that were hitting him at random moments, sudden headaches and how at the end of the day he was _wiped_ , even if they didn’t catch a case to run around for.

Danny would lay in bed at night and picture the radiation suit, the yellow plastic almost turning to brown and black in some spots, the holes and tears at where it had creased too often. He would think about the car battery covering his heart, weighing him down. He would be sure he could still feel it, sinking him through the mattress slowly.

He was still thankful Steve didn’t have to deal with it though.

And as if he didn’t already have enough on his mind, Danny had been waiting by Charlie’s school, already doing the math in his head and plotting his course so he wouldn’t be late to pick up Grace on the other campus for middle and high school students, when he noticed Rachel’s car on the other lane by the school’s entrance.

Danny frowned and got out of the Camaro, tapping on Rachel’s window when he stopped beside her car. She looked back at him like it took her a second to register and Danny frowned harder as she opened the glass window.

“Hey, I know things have been crazy at work, but wasn’t today my day to pick-up Charlie?”, he asked, leaning down on the open car window.

Once again, Rachel had a bit of a haze to her eyes before answering, then she just looked confused as she checker her phone to see it was indeed Danny’s day.

“Sorry”, she said, looking out the window for a second, “Not thinking quite right today”.

And the almost scared look that appeared on her face was enough for Danny to decide to come in the car. “Everything alright?”, he asked.

To which she answered with a nervous breath over the word: “Yeah”.

A lie.

“I don’t believe you”, Danny said, because he was way past coddling Rachel.

But she smiled, a snarky thing that used to appear a lot when they first got married and never had had a fight before, “No?”, she asked, then shook her head, brown hair brushing against her shoulders, “No”, quieter this time before she looked back at him, the scared look back on her eyes, “I’m getting a divorce from Stan”.

If Danny had been standing, he would have had to sit down. Sitting down, he kind of wanted to just get out of the car and pace for an hour.

“I’m beginning to think I’m not very good at this whole marriage thing”, she went on, “I was married to you, fucked that one up, got married to Stan, _cheated_ on him with you, got him back, and fucked everything up again”.

Danny stared at her for a while.

“It takes two people to wreck a relationship, Rach”, he finally said, thinking that maybe he wasn’t completely done coddling her, “I know that. We both wrecked our marriage, I’m sure Stan is a dick too”.

She laughed, like she hadn’t really meant to. Danny used to love making her laugh like that, now it was mostly fondness that warmed its way at him as he heard it escape her lips.

He knew they had been seeing a therapist ever since Rachel came clean about Charlie, but he had to ask, “Are you sure there’s no fixing this?”.

Now her laugh was bitter, and Danny had many, _many_ , memories of that laugh from the months before they decided to get a divorce, “It’s just not working anymore. It hasn’t been working for a while. I reckon I just – we had been holding on for the sake of the kids, but there was nothing to hold on to anymore”

And that was… harsh. But he got it, he remembered their late-night talks after apologizing to Grace for the hundredth time about their screaming match at dinner, how they kept hurting each other and their kid, but kept pretending that holding on still resembled normalcy.

“Do you mind if we tell the kids this Sunday, me and Stan? During Grace’s family lunch time”, she asked, “If you want, hm, you can come by a little later? Or we can tell them at the end, and you can say you’re bringing the car around…?”

“Rach, Rachel, it’s fine, we’ll figure it out”, Danny seemed to be saying that a lot lately.

Then, just as Charlie started coming down the steps, his phone started ringing, Steve’s face and name blowing up on the screen.

“I guess it’s your day after all”, he said, getting a roll of eyes from Rachel and getting out of the car to greet Charlie as he picked up the call, and Steve briefed him on the Harry Brown case the guy just handed to them.

And for once, Danny thought it might be a welcome distraction.

-

Danny was pouting.

Not really noticeable on the outside, but inward.

And Steve had promised himself he was letting this thing with Danny go, and he had been, for the last few days he had been pulling back slightly, but Danny shouldn’t be pouting about that, he shouldn’t have even noticed it. No, it was something else, and the only thing Danny had done that day was pick up Charlie, so if something happened there, Steve wanted to know.

“Why you pouting?”, he eventually asked as they drove with Harry on the backseat of the Camaro, on their way to Natasha Baron’s house, their vic’s frenemie – or so Grace would have probably called her. “What’s wrong?”.

Danny tilted his head forward before saying, “Nothing”, like a liar. Which was indication enough for Steve that something _had_ happened. Danny Williams wasn’t a liar.

“No, _no_ , not nothing. You have got the face”, he said, gesturing to his own face as he kept the eyes on the road, kind of avoiding thinking about the fact that he knew Danny that well, “Staring out the window, thinking about things you don’t wanna talk about, face on”.

Then Danny said the most bizarre combination of words: “Rachel and Stan are getting are divorce”.

Which, looking back at the last few family lunches and stories Danny told him, didn’t seem that bizarre after all.

“They’re finished?”, Steve had to make sure.

“No, wait a second, I’m a little confused here”, Harry interrupted him, “You’re upset because your ex-wife is getting a divorce from another guy? What’s the big deal?”

And Steve waited for the clarification, because put it like that, he got curious about the answer too.

Then Danny’s mumbled, “Well…”, that set off a breathy chuckle from Harry that grated at Steve.

“Oh, I get it”, Harry said, still laughing, “You and the former miss’s Doo are thinking of having another go”, he said, not asked, _said_.

But Danny said, in the same mumbled voice from before, “No”.

“ _No”_ , Steve concurred vehemently, craning his neck for a second to narrow his eyes at Harry for even suggesting it.

“Then why the sad face?”, Harry then asked.

“Well, I don’t have a sad face, I have a concerned face, and the _reason_ I have a concerned face is because this guy, uh, has been like a second father to my children, and I don’t want them dealing with the fallout from this, specially my daughter”.

“Exactly”, Steve reinforced again.

The idea of Danny and Rachel getting together again was as laughable as it was dreadful.

And _not_ because Steve had been, almost, considering getting in a relationship with Danny in the last couple of months – which he wasn’t anymore – it was simply because they didn’t work together as a couple.

“You know what you need to do?”, Steve started, pointing at Danny while he glanced away from the road, “You need to call Stan. You guys are closer now, right? Talk to him, see if you can convince him to give it another shot”.

Danny’s head bobbled from side to side as he narrowed his eyes forward, doing a high pitch noise like “meh”.

“I don’t know if that’s gonna work. Rachel already asked me about using the family lunch time to tell the kids”

“Family lunch time?”, Harry asked from the backseat.

“Danny, Rachel and Stan are all having lunch together with the kids every other weekend”, Steve answered promptly, which ensued another chuckle from Harry and a huff from Danny.

“Terrible idea, hair-doo”.

“Yeah, you tell my daughter that”, Danny grumbled back, “And _that’s_ a terrible idea, Steve”

“I agree”, Harry said.

“What’re you agreeing with?”, Steve complained, squinting with his whole face, “You got some’ better to offer? Let’s hear it”, he incited, looking back to Harry again.

“No, we don’t gotta hear it”, Danny talked over him, “I just don’t think this is the kind of thing I should meddle with, _and_ Rachel seemed really definitive about the whole thing, ‘m not really sure if there is anything _to do_ ”.

“So, what’s the worst thing that could happen, huh?”, Steve pondered, and for once Danny seemed to listen to him.

Which kind of started a whole new set of problems. The kidnapping case Harry got them suddenly got complicated with another kidnapping, the guy being ransomed being a douchebag too, Harry punching him in the face, and then they were running after any lead that could tell them where they kidnappers were holding their vics and Chin and Harry were at the smart table briefing him on what they found when Danny called him to through his office windows.

“What’s up?”, Steve asked as he leaned in against the doorjamb, trying to gauge if this was case-related or personal, but by the look on Danny’s face it was horribly personal.

“Can you, uh – Can you come in here for a second, please?”, he asked, fidgeting in his rotating chair, eyes glancing sideways.

Steve was trying to keep his distance, but Danny looked genuinely anxious, so he went in and sat down on the chair already pulled up beside him, trying to look normal.

“You alright?”, he asked, making Danny fidget some more.

“Yeah, I’m fine”, he said, eyes still nervously going around the room, “Despite – uh, the little voice in my head that is constantly telling me to never listen to you, I ignore it, and I went and I called _Stan_ ”, he finally looked at Steve, hands rubbing each other like he couldn’t sit still.

“Didn’t go well, huh?”

“Yeah, no, it did not go well”, and Steve didn’t like where Danny’s tone was going, the way he moved around the chair like he was going to get up but didn’t, “He said he thinks Rachel’s still in love with me”.

Steve wanted to get up just so he could sit down again.

“Oh, boy”

They both turned to the door to see Harry grimacing.

“ _What?_ ”, Steve hissed, because _what_.

Danny was still looking at Harry, annoyed about the interruption, but Steve’s mind was still stuck at the _Rachel in love with Danny_ conversation.

“You gotta admit, I called this”, Harry said as he entered Danny’s office, “When are you and the ex gonna get back together?”

“No, Harry, we’re not gonna get back together for – a lot of reasons”

“Like?”

Danny glanced at Steve for a second. Steve had no idea what face he was stuck on, if it was Aneurysm face or just plain horror.

“I think if we were going to work out, we would have by now”, Danny answered, which for Steve wasn’t a real answer.

“That’s not an answer, is it Steve?”

“ _Harry!_ You, you don’t know anything! Ple – “, Danny started yelling.

“This is crazy!”, Steve interrupted just to be interrupted by Danny and his waving hands:

“ _Please_ , you don’t know the specifics and – you don’t – just – _butt out!_ ”.

Danny was _way_ to nervous for it to be as a simple reason as “they didn’t work out”. Steve had to lean back for a second and press his hands against his eyes.

He should be thrilled about this. He gave up on pursuing something with Danny, if things with Rachel worked out, Steve wouldn’t have to wonder what could have happened. Danny wouldn’t be alone. Grace and Charlie would have their parents together again.

Steve should be thrilled.

But –

“Guys, you need to see this”, Chin interrupted his train of thought timely.

-

They finished up the case, Harry Brown having solved the whole thing with the kidnapped wife not being kidnapped at all, just scamming her douchebag husband. Danny went back to his office to get some paperwork done before having to go get Grace and Charlie from Rachel’s.

He watched as Harry and Steve made their way out of the office, Steve was taking him to meet Nahele back at Kamekona’s truck, then to some poker game. He didn’t look back at Danny.

He couldn’t get Steve’s face out of his mind, just after he told about what Stan said. The wide blue eyes, the hanging mouth, eyebrows so high they creased his forehead. Something like utter shock, a desperate frailness to the way his eyes bore into Danny.

He had no idea what it all meant. 

There was no way Steve knew that _he_ was the reason Danny couldn’t even _entertain_ the thought of a relationship with Rachel – or anyone else.

Danny thought he might actually get nauseated again.

By the time Sunday rolled around, Danny wasn’t closer to understanding any of it. Steve’s face had done another journey the day before when Danny said he wanted to be there for the divorce talk with the kids, to be there for Grace, and Charlie, and _Rachel_.

Whether or not what Stan said it was true, Danny still remembered having to tell Grace about their own divorce, the finality of it, the void in his chest as Grace stared at them with her big brown eyes, starting to tear up.

How she threw herself at Rachel and started sobbing, and Danny had to go to the guest room – where he stayed for two nights before getting a cheap motel room down the street – to get a grip on himself, but just ended up crying all night too.

For all her faults, Rachel was still the mother of his children, and Danny wanted her to know he was there for her on this.

They had planned everything, the lunch would be at Danny’s house so Grace would feel more comfortable, by the end of it Danny would “remember” he had to make a call and excuse himself to the backyard and wait for Rachel or Stan to tell him how it went.

What it actually happened was, in the middle of lunch after 45 minutes of stilted small talk, Grace set her fork and knife down on plate with theatrical force and said in a clipped tone: “I thought you promised you wouldn’t lie to me anymore”.

All three adults exchanged looks.

“What are you talking about, honey?”, Rachel tried to appease, but it just incited Grace more.

“I’m not _stupid!_ I can see something happened that you’re not telling me!”, she yelled.

Danny was ready to just get up and give Stan and Rachel some space to just do it, but Grace turned to him then, “Danno? What’s going on?”, she asked, calmer, like she knew he wouldn’t lie to her.

Danny held out his hand across the table, he was sitting at the head of the table, Rachel and Stan to one side, Grace and Charlie on the other.

Grace took his hand with vigour, holding it tightly in hers, “Listen to what your mom has to say, okay?”, Danny asked, swallowing against the lump in his throat. Grace seemed to want to protest for a second, but nodded in the end, turning to Rachel again.

Rachel and Stan shared a look, and she seemed to shrink on herself slightly as she prepared herself to speak.

It wasn’t as uncomfortable as Danny thought it might be, sitting there as his ex-wife and her now ex-husband told their children they were splitting up, but it wasn’t pleasant either. Grace held his hand the whole time. She held his hand up until the point Rachel said:

“And I’m so sorry, honey, I’m sorry things didn’t turned out how you wanted, and I’m sorry I lied about Charlie, and I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t trust me or talk to me anymore. I messed things up selfishly and you suffered for it, and I’m _so sorry_. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, the day when – When Steve’s boy came to the house and – I just wanted to say that I’m so very sorry, and I’ll try to make things better between us and –“.

Grace got up so fast her chair fell over backwards, she sprinted around the table and Rachel only had time to turn on her chair as Grace threw herself at her mother, already crying.

Danny sniffed, then Stan, then they shared a look before turning to Charlie, who had been quietly listening and staring at everything, the Williams’ genes seeming to make him gnaw at his top lip too.

“What’re you thinking, buddy?”, Stan asked him quietly, and Grace and Rachel dislodged themselves to look at him too.

But Charlie seemed to be having a hard time with everything and articulating his thoughts, his little hands white knuckling his plastic cutlery.

“Buddy?”, Stan tried again and this time Charlie looked at him, “What do you want?”, he asked, in a tone that suggested something Charlie would understand on a deeper level, and sure enough, the kid’s eyes seemed to clear.

“Can we walk?”, he asked in his small voice.

Stan looked at Danny, though he didn’t know what for, it wasn’t as if Stan needed his permission.

“It’s a safe street”, it was all Danny could come up with to say.

He watched as the both of them quietly slipped through the front door.

“They do that a lot”, Rachel spoke up, voice nasal from crying, “When – when things get loud, or rather, when me and Stan get loud at the house, they go for little walks on the neighbourhood.”

“I’m really sorry, mum”, Grace said as she rubbed her eyes.

Rachel’s smile was frail at best, but her eyes were soft, “I think it’s for the best, Grace”.

“For what’s worth, I’m really sorry too, Rach”, Danny offered, “Can’t help but feel like I had my hand in all this”.

But Rachel just shook her head, weak smile still in place.

“This isn’t you fault, Danny”, she took a shaky breath, “I think it’s high time I said that, right?”

-

_The things Danny Williams wants_

-

Every other day, Danny and Grace were going back to Rachel’s new place to help out with Charlie and the move. Stan had found a buyer for the mansion within two days of telling the kids about the divorce, he already had a penthouse lined up somewhere near the beach and was going to start splitting more of his time between Hawaii and the mainland.

Steve knew all this not because Danny had told him, no, he knew this because he had been stealthily getting Nahele to snitch on everything Grace told him.

There was a 50 / 50 chance the kid saw right through him.

There was 50 / 50 chance that Danny was going to get back together with Rachel.

Or at least it seemed that way to Steve.

And Steve McGarrett wasn’t the jealous type. When Catherine and Billy were working together, was he _sometimes_ concerned? Sure. But he knew Catherine, and he knew Billy, and Steve and Catherine had been _solid_ back then, she had never given Steve any reason for him to doubt their relationship.

And that was the problem. He and Danny _weren’t_ in a relationship, Rachel was apparently _in love_ with him, why on earth wouldn’t Danny do it? Steve had been keeping the guy at arm’s length for weeks, Danny didn’t even know Steve was an option, he had no right to feel sad or angry about what could or could not be happening.

From time to time he would almost convince himself to just come clean to Danny, tell him he wanted to give it a shot, see if they could work as more than just friends. Then Shioma’s words would cross his mind again and he would just pack up his things from his office and come home to work until his eyes were crossed and Nahele would pad down the stairs in Steve’s socks, ask him if everything was okay.

Steve would think about John McGarrett.

Steve would think about John McGarrett, and his thousand-mile stare as he ignored his two children worrying about him.

Then Steve would get up from his files, he would warm up some milk for himself and Nahele, talk for a bit and go to bed.

He and the team were running down lead after lead, hitting dead end after dead end, nowhere near finding out who had it out for Steve. The Interpol team they were working with were dealing with their own problems, according to Harry Langford, though he wouldn’t divulge specifics, the only thing Steve knew was they were coordinating with Joe and his millions of resources to go after some high value assets – not targets – trying to smoke out some big scheme in the intelligence community that was giving some kingpins and big-shot criminals – like whoever it was that was coming after Steve – the means and advantage to make some big moves and hits.

Steve knew it was better Five-0 weren’t getting directly involved with that, there was no way he could just pack and leave for that kind of mission after finally adopting Nahele. He also knew that the day they would knock on their door for help, was the day all hell had broken loose and they would have a big mess to clean.

Doris had been uncharacteristically quiet about the whole thing the few times they spoke.

“I may have a lot of connections, Steve, but I’m keeping quiet on my little cell here”, she would say, her voice almost like static over the crappy prison phoneline. Steve thought that was a 60 / 40 chance she was lying, “I’m on a big mess already, I don’t need a bigger one to get involved.”

Then she paused, for so long Steve almost thought they disconnected.

“I want you to be safe. And I think my being here is a part of that”.

“What do you mean?”, he asked, feeling his frown beginning to deepen.

“I don’t know if you noticed, Steven, but us McGarretts’ tend to go all in hard and fast”, she chuckled humourlessly, “You were right, when you said I only thought about myself when I wanted to fix something, like going after Yao. You need someone that can help by having your back one hundred percent, honey, and we both know that’s not me”, Steve started to say something else, he wasn’t sure what, because for once, Doris sounded sincere, but she kept talking:

“And I want us to connect on more than just these things, okay? I miss you”.

And Steve heard it, loud and clear. The words in between what was said.

_I’ll only pull on my connections to protect you and no, I’ll probably not tell you when it happens._

“I miss you too, mom. I’ll send Mary your love”, he messaged back.

_I’ll know. And I’ll know how to get to you if it happens_.

Doris had chuckled again, “I love you, honey, take care”, she said before hanging up, laughter still in her voice.

Steve thought they were getting better at communicating, even if it was through hidden messages.

Nahele had met her over the phone a few weeks after the adoption went through, and after everything he probably heard from the team and Steve himself, the kid was _nervous_. He stuttered for most of the five-minute call, but Steve had left the phone on speaker phone, and Doris had been on her best behaviour. She wasn’t the stereotypical Grandma type, as Mary kept reminding him because Joan only ever saw her once when she was a baby and didn’t even remember Doris anymore. But Steve had to admit she was at least trying, she asked Nahele about school, probably because it was a safe subject for a five-minute conversation, seemed actually invested in his answers, then Nahele had finished the call with: “Bye, uh – ma’am, Doris, grandm – uh, bye”.

They heard the beginnings of a cackle before the call disconnected.

Weeks and Michelle Shioma’s case later, Steve had been trying to be optimistic that things would work out and he could maybe travel with Nahele sometime that year to visit both Doris and Mary. He had been thinking on who he could pull favours from when his phone rang, Coughlin’s name on its screen.

This couldn’t be good.

He looked around his empty office, then at Danny’s, the man himself sitting there, frowning at his computer screen. The rest of the team were scattered through HQ, even Jerry was upstairs with them, all putting their best efforts and frowns on Steve’s case.

He knew he was pushing them hard, harder than he had needed to ever since he put a bullet on Wo Fat’s head. But he couldn’t afford making a mistake, waiting for the next blow to come. He wouldn’t risk Nahele’s safety like that. He needed to take control, get the upper hand somehow, and for that they needed to figure out who was behind everything.

His phone rang again, and Steve realised it was the third time Coughlin was calling.

He cleared his throat before answering, “McGarrett”.

Coughlin spent a few minutes trading pleasantries, dropped a few hints that he was aware of Five-0’s Interpol case. Then he sighed, probably realising he wasn’t giving Steve the run around as he would like.

“Commander, look, this is a professional courtesy call. I’m thinking of approaching one of your guys for a job offer”, and Steve instantly knew, even before Coughlin continued with, “San Fran PD wants to actually try their hand at a task force like Five-0, and to be honest my first thought was Abby, but after the way she left the department, they won’t hear of it”, he paused again, “I want to put Stg. Kelly’s name forward as a candidate for the position. I’m still working out the details to reach out to him, but I wanted to let you know”.

And Steve wasn’t thrilled about it, but he was happy and damn proud for Chin, even if it left him with a bittersweet taste on his tongue as he thanked Coughlin for the courtesy and hanged up.

When Steve looked up, his eyes went almost instinctively to Danny’s office.

Danny’s eyes met his.

-

Radiation poisoning.

_Radiation poisoning_.

Danny had been half expecting that diagnosis, but it still felt like he got the rug pulled from under him listening it from the doctor.

It was very mild, according to them, the car battery and torn-up radiation suit protected him more than not, and his current symptoms would go away as he took some pills to lower the absorption of the radiation in his body, but they said something might come up as he got older.

They didn’t specifically said _cancer_ , but Danny felt it was implied.

Honolulu blurred around him as he drove. He was supposed to be back at HQ, but he blinked and he was at his spot, the little rock bench overlooking the sea, the wind high and strong. He barely noticed he was out of the car, but the wind knocked into him and made his eyes feel too dry. He felt the sun hit the skin of his arms, but he shivered.

The sky and the sea blurred together in deep blue as everything frayed at the edges, Danny felt a weight on his chest, a car battery pulling him down. A yellow radiation suit trapping him.

He almost tipped over as he sat down against the hard concrete seat, fingers grasping to its edge until he felt his knuckles hurt then numb out from the effort. He could feel his hip holster digging at his side, a dull pain that grounded him. He heard more than felt his phone vibrating in his back pocket.

Danny couldn’t talk to Steve right now.

He should have been at the office at least an hour ago, there was no doubt on his mind that that was Steve calling.

_Radiation poisoning_.

He felt himself chuckle without meaning to.

Danny wondered what he would be doing if he was still in Jersey.

Probably remarried. Pressure from his family to settle down again after the mess with Rachel.

Probably still at Newark PD, where his most dangerous cases would be like Five-0’s easiest.

He would have never stolen the forfeiture locker’s money for Chin’s life. He never would’ve travelled to North Korea, or Colombia.

He probably would never have killed Marco Reyes. Matty would still be decomposing somewhere, chopped to pieces and stuffed on a barrel.

Danny would have never known what surfing was like. Or how Kono laughed in amusement as she wiped out from a small wave and cheered until she hit the sand when she got the biggest waves they could find up on the North Shore. How Chin had his biggest break throughs on a case at 4a.m., drunk on bad burnt coffee, barely able to swipe his hands on the smart table as he blinked himself awake enough to explain everything to them. How Lou would show up unannounced at his house to talk, but mostly to hear Danny ramble, when his mind would be stuck on Chicago again. How Jerry was the only one who could keep up with Danny’s rambles about football and they would end up _screaming_ at each other in the middle of the day and Danny would feel just a little bit closer to Jersey.

And Steve…

Danny would never have met Steve.

He wasn’t even sure Steve would be in Hawaii. “ _Everything I have, is because of you, Danno”_ , he had whispered on Danny’s ear.

Danny wouldn’t have watched his Monkey grow up. Charlie wouldn’t even exist.

Danny wasn’t glad this happened, but he was still glad he was in Hawaii, of all places.

He was glad Steve wasn’t the one dealing with this, even if he rather not be the one doing it.

He blew out a breath, shaking his head as the world got into focus again, fingers almost stiff after holding the edge of the bench for so long. He rubbed at his eyes with a hand as he called Steve back with the other.

“Danny?”, Steve answered immediately, “What’s going on, man? Shouldn’t you be in by now?”.

Danny Williams wasn’t a liar.

But –

“I should, yeah, sorry, something came up after a left the doctor’s office, but I’m getting back now”, Danny said, not that he expected it to work.

“ _Something came up?_ What do you mean _something came up_?”

“It’s nothing, Steve, don’t worry about it”

A pause, “Was it something with Rachel? Because, man, I get it, okay? You don’t have to give me the run around for this”.

“I’m not _trying_ to give you the run around”.

Steve’s laughed sounded far away, “Sure, Danny, I’ll see you in a bit”.

Danny was still pressing the phone to his ear even as the call disconnected.

Things were fine for now. He would probably only see a serious side-effect years down the line, if any. He had no reason to tell Steve or anyone else for that matter.

Things were fine for now.

-

Steve wasn’t snooping.

But Grace’s birthday was in a couple of weeks and he wanted gift ideas from Danny, but the man was on his hundredth bathroom break that day – probably another bad shrimp at Flippa’s truck – so Steve let himself in Danny’s office to wait him out.

He was halfway to the chair in front of Danny’s desk when something caught his eyes, a small piece of paper that looked like a food receipt, scrawled on messily with Danny’s mechanical handwriting.

Steve wasn’t snooping, the thing was just right there in the open. He went around Danny’s desk to see what it was, and it had all these things written, and others completely crossed out.

  * PD 20 years - Restaurant (?) Teach (?) Travel more (Missions and Jersey don’t count)
  * Get a dog (Charlie allergic? ASK STAN)
  * Visit Matty more often – talk to mom and dad
  * Call Bridget more often (Stella too)
  * Mainland trip with the kids (Nahele?)
  * Baseball
  * Nahele – friends (?) (Grace?)
  * Grace – talk more
  * Tell St



_Tell St._ Was the last thing on it, interrupted in a hurry if Danny’s unsteady handwriting was any indication.

_St?_

_Stan? Stella?_

_Steve?_

“ _What_ the _hell_ are you doing?”

Steve whipped around to face a very angry looking Danny – even if he seemed to be a mix of angry red with sick green.

“It was _right there_ ”, Steve immediately defended himself, “What’s this anyway?”.

“None of your _damn_ business it’s what this is”, Danny stepped up to him quickly, grabbing the paper from him.

“Come _on_ , Danny, what’re you not telling me?”

“ _What?_ ”, Danny’s voice faltered, which told Steve more than an actual answer.

“You wrote there, ‘tell S.T”, you were writing ‘Steve’”.

“Stan”, Danny said even before Steve stopped talking. Danny’s eyes were wide. Was he – _lying?_ , “I was writing ‘Stan’”

“Ok”, Steve frowned, crossing his arms and staring Danny down, “What do you wanna say to Stan that’s so important you need to write it down in this weird little list?”.

Danny rolled his eyes – Steve’s stare downs never really worked on him – and sat down.

“Remember the part where I just said ‘none of your damn business’? Well, lemme say it again! None of your _damn business!_ ”, Danny’s voice grew as he spoke until he was yelling.

Steve huffed, sitting down too, heavily and with contempt, “Is this about Rachel again?”, he asked even though he himself felt he was turning a bit green too, “I already told you, you can tell me about this. I know I wasn’t supportive when your first talked about the whole divorce thing and you helping her out, but if it’s what you want, I’m game”.

Steve thought he was pretty convincing, but Danny was smiling wider and wider as he talked, a snarky, mocking thing on his lips.

“What?”, Steve demanded.

Danny kept with the snark on his face, “You’re unbelievable. Unbelievable! You’re not gonna get away from going through my _private property_ by bringing up _Rachel!_ ”

“Private property?”, Steve squinted with his whole face, “Danny, it’s a list of things scribbled on the back of a restaurant receipt”.

“ _Which_ has my private information on! _Hence_ private property!”.

“ _Why_ are you so worked up about this list?”, Steve yelled back.

Danny’s eyes went comically wide, “I am _not_ worked up about _the list_! I’m _angry_ you are a _control freak_ that snoops around my office!”

“ _I wasn’t snooping!_ ”, Steve tried reigning in his voice, but they were in actual argument territory now, “And you’re deflecting! Just tell me what this list is for! Like, what the fuck ‘PD 20 years’ even mean?!”

“It’s my retirement! Okay?”, Danny barked before Steve even finished asking the question. Though the answer completely shut him up, Steve couldn’t bring his mind to work around the word ‘retirement’ and ‘Danny’ and still think about something to say next, “PD. PD is Police department! I’m coming up on 20 years, I’m gonna pension out soon, I was – I was thinking about the things I wanted to do”.

Steve looked around the office to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating that conversation. Kono was very clearly spying on their argument, Lou was trying to disguise it, but very poorly. At least Jerry and Chin weren’t there.

“Retirement?”, it was the only thing he could muster out to say, voice completely losing its edge from before, eyes narrowed.

Danny took an annoyed breath, “Yes, _Steven_. I can’t do _this_ forever, you know?”, Danny’s hand motioned the office around them.

Danny might have punched Steve before, but this hurt worse. Not that Steve could really blame Danny, rationally he too should probably think about retirement, even though the mere thought of not serving somehow made his lungs seize and his mind blank out.

“Are you serious right now? You wanna retire?”, Steve asked, “Why – you didn’t even think to run this by me?”

Danny leaned back for a second, mouth hanging open, “ _Why_ would I run this by you?”

“We’re partners, Danny!”, Steve said, even though it felt like a lie to say, a half-truth, but Steve didn’t want to think about what the whole truth meant, “We’ve _been_ partners for seven years, how can you _not_ think to tell me?”

“I don’t know, Steve, it’s not like I’ve seen a lot of you this past few weeks anyway! And I’m always too busy trying to _keep you from getting yourself killed!_ ”

Steve knew Danny was deflecting, bringing up things that he knew Steve would get distracted by.

He still fell for it.

“I’m just trying to do my job! To keep this island safe!”

“You _know_ that’s not the whole reason you’ve been acting all _Rambo_ meets _A beautiful mind_ these last few weeks! You spend more time at the office than at home! You have a gun in your hand more often than _food_! You think I don’t see that? How you keep checking in on Nahele every hour to see if he’s okay?”.

_How you’re keeping everyone, keeping_ me _, at arm’s length?_ Danny didn’t say, not out loud, but his eyes were screaming at Steve too.

Steve guessed they were both keeping things from each other then.

“Hey, hm, sorry to interrupt”, Chin’s voice came from the doorway, Steve had no idea when he’d got in the office, much less how long he had been standing there, “But can I talk to you, Steve?”.

Danny stared at him for the longest time before huffing out a breath and walking out of his own office. Chin turned to watch him leave for a second before closing the door behind him.

“You wanna talk about it?”, Chin asked, eyebrows raised at Steve.

Steve got up and turned to glance at Danny’s back as he walked out of the office completely.

“Nothing to talk about”

He heard Chin sigh but didn’t look back at him.

“Fine”, Chin said in exasperation, “I wanted to fill you in about a meeting I had this morning”, he went on carefully, “Sat down with our good friend, Coughlin”.

Steve stared back at him, blowing out a breath.

“Yeah, I know all about it”

“You do?”

“Yeah, he reached out to me some time ago”, Steve explained, moving to sit on Danny’s desk, “Professional courtesy”, he tried smiling, but Chin didn’t look too convinced, “What did you tell him? He seemed pretty eager to put your name forward, and I get it, there’s no one more qualified than you, man”

He smiled easier this time, as did Chin.

“Thanks, I appreciate it”, Chin said, head hanging low for a few seconds, “I told him I’d think about it, which I have been, a lot”, Steve’s lungs seemed to be getting smaller and smaller, or maybe it was his heart, “Listen, Steve, Hawaii’s my home, always has been, always will be, but this is uh…”.

“A hell of an opportunity”, Chin nodded at him with uncertainty, “And it’s San Francisco, that’s Abby’s home, I mean, she’s gotta be at least, uh, a little bit excited about the prospect, no?”, his attempt at humor seemed to only shrink his lungs even more.

He was happy for Chin.

Danny wanted to retire.

He _wanted_ to be happy for Chin.

They wouldn’t lose complete touch with each other, they were family. Ohana.

Lou was probably thinking about what was next for him too.

“Actually, I haven’t told her yet”, Chin said, snapping Steve back to Danny’s office.

He cleared his throat.

“Okay, why not?”

“We’ve been missing each other a lot, between her shifts with HPD and ours here, we’re barely at home at the same time, and we keep dividing shifts to care for Sara that never seem to match up and – “, he sighed then, shaking his head, Steve thought of a way to fix this, but when Chin looked back at him there was a glint to his eyes, “We’re making it work, and I’m not gonna ask her to move until things between us are – _official_ ”, at that Chin smiled coyly, eyes shining, and Steve smiled too despite of himself.

“ _Official?_ ”, Steve taunted.

Chin smiled grew so wide his eyes closed against his cheeks, “It’s happening”, he said in a breathy laugh, “I mean, I don’t even know if she’s gonna say yes –“

“Very independent woman”, Steve couldn’t stop smiling now, even though he didn’t really feel like it, “She’s not gonna say yes, but I look forward to you making a compelling case”, he teased.

_God_ , he was gonna miss this.

“Look”, Chin said, growing more serious, “All I know is I can’t imagine a future without Abby and Sara being a big part of it”

“Good”, Steve concurred, because Chin deserved it and more.

“And I’m not saying I’m taking the offer, but I need to know things are gonna be okay here”, Chin stepped closer to him, arms crossed over his chest.

“Things are okay, man”, Steve said instinctively, “I mean, faceless threats on me aside”, he winced.

Things were so far from okay.

“Kono said you and Danny were yelling”.

“We’re always yelling”, he tried dismissing it as nonchalantly as possible.

“Steve”.

Steve’s shoulder sagged then shrugged, “I don’t know what to tell you, man. He’s thinking of retiring”, he shrugged again.

Chin almost seemed to take a step back, frowning, “ _Retiring?_ Just like that?”.

Steve’s head went from side to side, “I guess. There was this weird list on his desk and when I looked at it, it was just these things like, uh, like a bucket list? I don’t know”

“And why were you yelling over this?”

Steve really didn’t want to talk about this.

“I asked if this was about Rachel”, Chin let out an _oof_ , “He got angry because I ‘ _snooped’_ , not that I buy it. We started yelling”, he shrugged.

Chin’s jaw clenched for a second as he raised just one eyebrow at him, “And you really think this is about Rachel?”, Steve just shrugged, he really didn’t know what to think anymore, “Steve, are you guys still – _different?_ ”

Steve had to laugh, though it scraped at his throat.

They were so different now.

“I guess not”

“You sure?”

“Maybe. The whole Rachel and Stan thing”, _the whole faceless threat thing coming after everything the mattered most to me_ ¸ “Kinda got to him I guess”, _kinda got to me_.

Chin sighed and stepped closer again, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, man”.

Steve sighed.

“Yeah, maybe it’s for the best”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happened in the first bit of the chapter: Kono thinks she's pregnant, Danny admits he's in love with Steve to her. Nahele has a panic attack and talks about what made him first live on the streets, agrees to see a therapist and called Steve dad for the first time!
> 
> Chapter title from the song Heirloom, from Sleeping at Last.
> 
> I told you guys this was a slow burn!
> 
> I hope you guys liked this long, angst-y, chapter! There was a lot of plot to cover on this one. And only one more chapter to go before the second part of the fic! Thanks for reading and for all the kudos and comments! Happy isolation holidays!


	13. Depth over distance every time, my dear

-

_Leaping_

-

Danny didn’t know how bad things were until some discharged army guys were hitting credit unions and ended up killing a Pearl Harbour vet, and Steve was running point on one of the crewman’s house raid, catching a rifle bullet square on his vest as Lou called him _“superman”_ and Danny just wanted to call him _“damn idiot”_. Then Steve was watching a documentary’s interviews about the killed vet, then about Steve’s own grandfather, about how he sacrificed himself to help save the sailors and soldiers on the Arizona, and Steve just sat there, half-lidded eyes staring at the screen.

The names McGarrett and sacrifice seemed to always be coming hand in hand.

Then the case ended up with them team in a stand-off in the middle of the street with the army crew, bullets flying around, and Steve running after their leader, Lee Campbell, just for Danny to find them a few minutes later, Campbell impaled by some rebar on the floor of an in-construction shop, Steve sitting breathlessly beside him, face bloody and starting to swell, wide blue eyes stark against the red.

 _Then_ a few days later Danny was in a siege with a witness from a 7-year-old cold case, a very stern nurse and his old captain, and Steve just blew a hole through some poor schmuck’s house with his pick-up truck just to help him.

They had been in a standoff themselves since the whole “retirement” list debacle and the whole “Steve doesn’t have a filter for violence anymore” situation, but Steve still ran around half the island in a frenzy to make sure Danny was safe.

And Danny had been sitting by Makino’s bed in the hospital, talking about his team, memories upon memories of being the _haole_ in the department, then been pushed into the John McGarrett case. Having to re-process the crime scene by himself only to find the vic’s son there, going through it already, wanting to leave with evidence, and still having the nerve to point a gun at Danny’s face.

But Danny remembered how it felt, when he first went in at the house, the torn-up living room like John McGarrett had put up a fight before his brain turned into splatter against the walls. He could feel the distress of it all, but he could also feel the emptiness of the house.

In the first few months of being Steve’s partner, Danny couldn’t really wrap his head around the fact that the guy was still living at that house. Danny could’ve been sleeping in one-bedroom apartments with questionable mould, but he’d take that over the ghosts on the McGarrett house.

 _Then_ a few more days later, Danny was running towards an empty office building to stop a terrorist attack, and by the sidewalk there was a bent chair, shards of glass scattered around. Danny had looked up. And there had been Steve, scaling the side of the building like he was freaking spiderman.

This was the shark cage times ten, but the one getting on the line of fire was always Steve. And the only thing he kept saying when Danny tried bringing it up was: “ _I gotta keep this island safe”._

 _“Yeah? You gotta keep yourself safe too”_ , Danny would say, accompanied by him jamming a finger against Steve’s chest.

Steve would roll his eyes at him and say, _“I’m fine”._

Ever since Steve snooped on Danny’s list, he had this hurt and confused look on his face whenever he looked at Danny, but Danny couldn’t just say he was making a list of things he wanted to do because he was suddenly confronted with his own mortality by having radiation poisoning. So he was sticking to the retirement story.

Which was a half-truth, all things considered. He _was_ going to pension out in a few years from then, and he _was_ thinking about what he could do next. But Danny was also thinking about what he could do _now_.

Like telling Steve he was in love with him.

But Steve was making that hard by reversing back to his past bull-headed SEAL self and barely taking a breath between cases.

The team was trying their best to be a _McGarrett Craziness Regulators_ , but there was only so much they could do when a Navy SEAL decided the best course of action was to blow a mercenary up with a bazooka.

The governor had a hard time believing that one.

“He’s lucky you’re so smitten, or else I think you’d have killed him already”, Kono said.

They were in her kitchen, ignoring the pregnancy test she had just taken less than two minutes before, she’d left it on the bathroom floor.

She had called Danny in a panic from the corner store, saying she bought the thing but wanted a hand to hold.

“I refuse to hold your hand while you pee, Kono”, he winced.

“ _Figuratively, brah!”_ , she had yelled over the phone.

So they were waiting.

After that day’s case with Steve having to travel to Guantanamo and back with threats of a terrorist attack – and it said something about their lives that they were kind of relieved that for once it had nothing to do with whoever was after Steve – and Danny taking care of Nahele up until the point they had a target location, then he sped to the office building just to have a heart attack as Steve climbed the damn thing with only his hands and feet, then another one as he looked at the scorch mark of what was left of their perp, so, waiting to find out whether or not Kono and Adam were gonna be parents was actually kinda relaxing, even though the woman was almost buzzing out of her skin and called Danny things like “smitten”.

“I’m not _‘so smitten’_ ”, he grumbled.

Kono snorted, “Sure”, she said, “The ten-minute stare you gave the boss at the roof today says otherwise, bro”

Danny winced again.

“I _was worried_ ”

“Uh huh”

The alarm on his phone went off before he could figure out a comeback.

He and Kono shared a look, her eyes afraid as she gulped.

“You want me to go or you want to?”, he asked softly.

She bit her lip for a second, “I don’t know”, she breathed, “I don’t know what I want”.

“We can wait a bit longer, I don’t think it goes away”, he offered, making the corners of her mouth turn up ever so slightly.

“No”, Kono shook her head, “I’ll go look”, she said as she got up.

Danny watched her go, turning on his chair so he could see her going in the bathroom and standing there, looking at the ground where she had left the stick.

One, two, three seconds…

Her shoulder lost their stiffness as she breathed.

“Well?”, he yelled out.

Kono didn’t answer right away, Danny kept watching as she threw the stick in the trash. When she turned back to him, she was smiling gently. Danny raised his eyebrows at her. Kono shook her head.

Danny sighed. Kono sat in front of him again.

“Guess this is it then”, she murmured, eyes on the tabletop.

“How’re you feeling?”, he asked.

Kono shrugged, “I think I’m fine”, she looked back at him, smile still there, but her eyes were uncertain, “I was just really confused about the whole thing. At least now I have an answer”.

Danny offered his hand over the tabletop. She smiled before taking it.

“Thanks for being here”

“Of course, babe”.

-

“How was it?”.

Nahele shrugged as he scrunched his nose.

“I think it was okay”, he answered quietly, hands reaching back to grab at the seat belt.

Steve was picking him up from his first session with the second therapist Lynn recommended to him.

The first one hadn’t worked out.

The first one had resulted in Nahele getting inside the truck with a deep frown creasing his forehead, and when Steve had asked about it, the kid had just shaken his head. They had driven for 5 blocks before Nahele said anything.

“He didn’t really listen to me”, he mumbled, one hand grabbing at the seat belt across his chest.

And Steve had waited until dinner to ask: “Do you wanna try this again?”

And Nahele had sighed, putting down his fork, “Will said I should”

“Will?”

Nahele nodded, “Yeah, he said Sam went through two therapists after she was kidnapped”, he had picked up the fork again to move his food around the plate, “That Grace had a couple too. So I should probably give it another go”.

Steve reached out to hold the arm Nahele had over the table.

“Only do it if you want to, okay?”, he had said.

So Steve had scheduled another session with a Mrs. River.

And when he looked over at the kid on the car, he seemed guarded again, but not as high strung as the first time.

“She seemed nicer”, Nahele said after a while. Steve started the truck and took off, “But I – I’m just getting used to this whole thing, I guess”.

Steve frowned, “This whole thing?”.

“Talking”.

Steve had to smile, even if it was small, as he reached out to ruffle the kid’s curls for a second, “What’re you talking about? You’re talking right now”

He glanced sideways to see the way Nahele smiled as he rolled his eyes a bit.

“I ended up talking a lot about Danny though”

“ _Danny?_ ”, Steve questioned, head leaning forward as he narrowed his eyes at the windshield.

“Hmhm”, Nahele hummed, “You and Danny, I guess. She asked about my, uh, _support system_ , and I mentioned when Danny came to the hospital when I got hurt at the game before Christmas”, Nahele told him, “He made sure the doctor spoke to me”, Steve saw him shrug from the corner of his eye, “All the other doctors I’d seen would always just talk to my case workers, but Danny made sure that he spoke to me”, Steve heard him sniff, “I guess that just stuck with me”.

Steve wondered if Danny Williams would ever cease to amaze him.

Nahele sniffed again before saying, “Grace said you guys are weird again”.

Steve grimaced.

“You know how I’ve been working really hard?”, Steve asked, eyes on the road ahead, trying not to white-knuckle the steering wheel.

“Yeah?”.

“Danny doesn’t like it very much”, understatement, “He’s just looking out for me, though”.

Nahele was quiet all the way to Kamekona’s truck, whenever Steve looked over the passenger seat, the kid was fumbling with the seatbelt strap over his chest, crease between his eyebrows.

“Keiki?”, Steve prompted when he parked the car by the beach and Nahele made no move to get out.

Nahele took a deep breath and stared at his knees, “I don’t really like it either”, he mumbled, and Steve had to swallow around the sudden lump on his throat as he turned to look at the kid, “I just got really worried?”, he narrowed his eyes, “Last week, when you were showing me your grandad’s Purple Heart and you gave me these, you looked pretty bad”, Nahele fished out of his shirt Steve's grandfather’s army tags, head bent down awkwardly to look at it.

When those soldiers were playing heist on the army credit unions, somehow digging up the McGarrett past, Steve got home after everything, probably feeling as hurt as he looked, and fished out his grandfather’s army chest from under his bed. Nahele had stood by the door, watching him with unease, but as Steve held his grandfather’s ID tags, the kid moved to stand by his side, taking in everything that was in the chest, the black and white pictures, worn-out letters.

 _“Can I?”_ , he had whispered, motioning to the tags.

 _“Of course”_ , Steve had said, giving it to him.

And Nahele had picked them up with almost reverence, Steve stared at him curiously as the kid held the metal against the light coming from the windows.

 _“It’s so cool to have family heirlooms like this”_ , he mumbled softly.

And Steve's response to that could only be: _“You can keep them if you want”_.

And Nahele had look at him with wide eyes like beads, mouth agape, and before he could say anything, Steve reinforced with, _“I mean it. He was your family too”_.

Nahele had gulped visibly and put the tags around his neck.

Steve could barely feel his head throbbing from all the hits from Campbell then as he grinned.

It had been a while since he had to fight trained guys, guys with similar instincts drilled into them as Steve had. He was rusty.

He couldn’t be rusty.

Looking at his son, he knew that whatever it was coming their way, the stakes could be too high for a mistake like the ones Steve made in that fight with Lee Campbell.

For a split second, when Campbell put the tarp over Steve’s head and everything whited out as he struggled to breathe, Steve doubted himself. For a split second, he didn’t think he could win.

That on itself seemed more terrifying than actually losing.

“I know. I’m sorry I worried you”, Steve said, putting a hand over the place Nahele’s shoulder met his neck, “But I’ll always try to get back home, okay? No matter what”.

Steve couldn’t promise things like, _“I’ll always come back home”_ , or, _“I’ll be more careful next time”_. Those were wishful thinking. More importantly, Nahele knew an empty promise when he heard it. So Steve could only promise he would _try_.

“I know, dad”, Nahele said, probably because he knew it would make Steve feel giddy, hearing his son calling him ‘dad’, “What about Danny though?”, Nahele asked, tilting his head to look at Steve, his small eyes curious, “Can’t you just apologize for worrying him too?”

Steve sighed, “It’s more complicated than that”.

“Is it?”.

Steve thought about the scribbled list on the back of a crumpled restaurant receipt. Danny’s red, angry face. His wide eyes as he _lied_.

He thought about the target he’d paint on Danny’s back if they weren’t _weird_.

“Yeah, this time it is”, Steve assured, “But we’ll work it out, okay? You don’t have to worry. We just – need time, I guess”.

“If you say so”, Nahele mumbled.

That kid was too much like Danny Williams himself. Always expecting things to go wrong, for the world to prove him right on his anxieties.

Steve wanted nothing more than to prove them both wrong.

He didn’t know if he could anymore.

-

“I don’t care, Danno!”, Grace yelled in annoyance, eyes rolling all the way back in her skull, “Uncle Steve said I could do the party at his house _weeks_ ago, I don’t _care_ if you guys are on the outs again, I already gave his address to everyone I invited at school!”, she was looking through cabinet after cabinet in the kitchen, but she turned to him then, “And mum agreed that it was better anyway, we’d have a lot more space than here”.

“Well, your mum will agree with anything you say because she’s still trying to make it up to you. And hey, this house is not that small!”, Danny defended, but Grace just rolled her eyes again.

“Yeah, but we don’t have a _lanai_ with a _beach_ ”.

“Well, when you put it like _that_ ”, Danny grumbled heavy with sarcasm, earning himself another roll of his daughter’s eyes.

“If you told me why guys are fighting this time, I might consider doing my party here, y’know?”.

“You should be a lawyer”, Danny huffed, shaking his head low at the kitchen table.

He watched as Graced huffed too and kept with her rummaging through the kitchen cabinets.

Danny finally got around to teaching her how to cook, but they hit a snag when Grace realized she barely knew where everything was in the kitchen, and when Danny asked her to grab a whisker, she decided to just memorize every item on every cabinet and drawer, because she didn’t “want to have him there to tell her these things”, or so she said.

Danny gave up on actually trying to help her about ten minutes before, and was now just sitting by the kitchen table as she went around assembling everything they needed so Grace could try baking her first cake, since she got in her head she wanted to bake her own birthday cake with Will that Saturday and didn’t want to make a fool of herself with her future-chef boyfriend. Or so she said.

And Danny had been using that bonding time to try and talk her out of having her party at Steve’s. It wasn’t like he and Steve were actively fighting, or even arguing like they did after their therapy session back in December. But Danny was having a hard time being around him.

He _lied_ to Steve. Danny could maybe count on one hand the other times he ever lied to Steve. He didn’t like it and he didn’t want to keep doing it.

But telling the truth was something he wasn’t ready to do either.

So avoiding Steve was all he could come up with.

“I mean it, Danno. I don’t like it when you and Uncle Steve fight. Nahele and Charlie don’t like it either”.

Danny sighed, “I know, Monkey. We don’t like it too, y’know?”.

“Then _why_ are you always fighting?”.

“We’re not _always_ fighting, Grace”.

“Then why are you fighting this time?”, she frowned, “And don’t say ‘it’s complicated’”.

Well, it was.

“Look”, Danny started, serious, and Grace stopped to fully look at him, leaning with her back against the counter, “Things have been hard at work. Specially for your Uncle Steve, okay?”.

Grace sucked at her top lip for a second before mumbling, “’Hele said Uncle Steve was hurt pretty bad. And that he’s staying up pretty late too, always working”.

Danny sighed again, “Yeah. We’re dealing with a lot of things right now. And I –“, he could say he was just worried for Steve. But he knew that wasn’t the whole reason things were off between them this time.

Grace made him promise he wouldn’t lie to her anymore.

“This isn’t the whole reason, okay?”, he said pointedly, and Grace straighten her posture, understanding in her eyes, “But Steve found out somethings I was trying to keep private”, Grace made a face, “I was thinking about my retirement”, Grace widened her eyes.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously”, Danny shrugged and smiled faintly, Grace moved to sit in front of him on the kitchen table, “Your pops isn’t getting any younger, y’know?”, Grace scrunched her nose much like Nahele usually did, “But Steve… it wasn’t the greatest timing for me to bring this up to Steve, so I didn’t. But he found out anyways, and it’s just a complicated situation, okay?”.

Grace nodded, but she still looked confused, her eyes narrowed against a spot on the tabletop, “Why it’s complicated, though? Don’t you have to retire someday?”

Danny felt himself starting to blush and tried to hide it by clearing his throat with a cough, putting his fist over his mouth, “You know, we’re really close, me and your Uncle Steve. And, hm, I’m his partner at work, so that means a lot too. Professionally. It’s hard to find someone you can be really good partners with in this line of work. So, I think Steve’s just feeling a bit blindsided”.

Grace had the look in her eyes, the one like she was playing chess inside her mind.

“That’s not all, right? You guys won’t see each other as much and all that”.

“Well –“

“Uncle Steve’s gonna _miss_ you, Danno”, Danny cleared his throat again, almost forcefully, but Grace kept talking, “You should just make sure he knows we’re not going anywhere”, she raised her eyebrows at him, and Danny gulped, and felt something queasy from where the conversation with his _daughter_ seemed to be going.

But he remembered the reason he was making that list on the first place.

 _Radiation poisoning_.

He remembered why Steve was so reckless at work, no matter how much Danny grovelled at him.

_They are coming after everything that you care about most in this world._

“This isn’t the whole reason”, he said again, serious, and Grace huffed, “And I reserve my right to not explain this to you right now, okay? It _is_ complicated”.

Grace huffed some more, rolled her eyes again, but eventually she stood up again to resume her cooking lesson.

Danny only realised Grace completely distracted him from having her party at their house when Saturday rolled around and Steve came by with his truck to take everything to his house.

“You know your house will look _exceedingly_ pink, right?”, Danny started, holding a box full of cupcakes he baked the night before, “Well, mostly purple, actually. Grace has always been more of a purple kinda girl”.

Steve smiled, “It’s for Grace, it’s okay”.

If Danny wasn’t in love already, that line would’ve done it.

They spent the afternoon setting everything up, Rachel was in charge of picking up Grace and the cake from Lou’s house before the sun was down so she could get ready at Steve’s, and that ensued Rachel being at Steve’s awkwardly trying not to fret over the decorations and food.

“When’s Stan coming?”, Danny asked, standing beside her on the kitchen as she eyed his cupcakes.

“With me being his ex-wife, he didn’t really feel like sharing that with me”, she answered, more jokingly than really harshly, but she still looked back at him apologetically for a second, “Sorry, I think he might come around at seven”.

Danny smiled as he nodded, then he turned around as he heard someone clearing their throat behind them.

“Uh, sorry, but Grace’s calling for you, Rachel. Something about her hair?”.

Rachel smiled shyly before heading out of the kitchen.

Steve and Danny just stared at each other for a second.

Steve cleared his throat again.

“So, hm, how are things going between you guys?”.

Danny groaned, “You guys, you mean me and Rachel?”.

“Who else, Danny?”

“Things are _fine_ , Steven. She’s a lot better now that she and Stan are officially done”

“I’d bet”

Danny rolled his eyes, “Buddy, you need to stop, okay?”.

“With what?”

Danny rolled his eyes again and walked out of the kitchen. Steve had been really pushing on the Rachel thing lately, which only made Danny back out further from ever wanting to tell Steve about his feelings for him.

It wasn’t like Danny was expecting Steve to love him back like that.

He really wasn’t.

“Dad?”, Nahele came around to the dining room, “Oh, hi, Danny”, he said as he spotted Danny there, fixing the table with the cake and all the purple and pink decorations.

“Hey, kid. Your dad’s in the kitchen”.

Something warm seemed to grow bigger and bigger inside Danny’s chest every time he heard Nahele calling Steve his dad. It made him giddy with something like peace, that Steve had found and made a family with Nahele.

“Actually, I, uh, wanted to tell you something”, Nahele said then, looking down and rubbing at the back of his neck.

“Oh”, Nahele looked back at the kitchen and Danny’s curiosity was peaked, “C’mon”.

He moved them to the lanai, closing the doors behind him, the sun was almost completely under the horizon line, and the sky was almost as purple as the house behind them, a few stray clouds in soft oranges and pinks.

Nahele squinted against the sea breeze for a second before turning back at Danny.

“What’s up?”, Danny prodded gently, putting his hands on his front pockets.

Nahele scrunched his nose, “I guess I just wanted to say thank you”, if Danny squinted too, he could maybe see a blush creeping in Nahele’s dark skin.

“Yeah? What for?”, he said, starting to smile, but Nahele seemed to grow serious then, staring back at him.

“For always trying to keep my dad safe”.

Danny blinked several times against the salty wind. He felt himself smile even if it was faltering. Nahele smiled too.

Danny grabbed at the kid’s shoulder and pulled him into a hug, cupping the back of his head and rocking them side to side.

“You don’t have to thank me for this, okay?”, he felt Nahele nod against his shoulder, “Your dad is really stubborn, but as long as I’m able, I’ll always have his back. No matter what”.

He felt Nahele nod again and he moved away, staring at the kid as he recomposed himself a bit.

“And I’m here for you too”, Danny continued, one hand still on Nahele’s shoulder, “Whatever you need”.

Nahele smiled until his eyes were closing against his cheeks, “I know”.

Danny gave him a sideways hug then, moving them back into the house, “Go help your dad in the kitchen, okay? I don’t trust him after all my hard work making all that food”.

Nahele scrunched his nose as he laughed softly. Danny watched him go.

The party started to pick up just as Grace came down from where she’d been getting ready at the master bedroom. Her friends either knocking on the front door or just going around through the lanai, and Danny barely recognized everyone, much less remembered all their names, so he just smiled politely at the teens and offered a cookie or a soda.

Stan got in with Charlie around seven like Rachel said, and Charlie ran through the house until he flung himself at Danny, just in time for him to crouch down to catch his son in his arms.

“Thanks for letting me have him for these last few days”, Stan said as he approached them in a more leisured pace, looking around for Grace.

“Hey, you’re his dad too”, Danny said, because he wanted Stan to get that Danny understood how he felt about Charlie, even though he wasn’t Stan’s biological son. And he really didn’t want to fight Stan at court too, though he should probably gear up for some sort of custody legal arrangement again.

His and Rachel’s custody case had been on hold ever since the couple’s decision to get a divorce, and Mr. Asano was as clueless about the whole thing as Danny.

Stan looked back at Danny with something like astonishment for a second before Grace showed up and Stan moved away to talk to her.

The team started trickling in then, Kono gave Grace a tight hug before challenging her to a dance off later, Chin and Abby tried saying happy birthday, but got distracted in the middle of the sentence as Sara just sprinted forward as she spotted Charlie and almost tripped over her own feet.

Then Lou got in with Renee, Sam and Will in tow. Will was nervously blushing and fixing his hair every five seconds, he greeted Danny with a hand shake that made Renee snort and Danny felt how the kid’s hands were sweaty.

He grabbed at the hand and leaned forward, he tried being friendly, but Will suddenly looked terrified. Danny snorted too.

“She’s already dating you, kid, you don’t need to be this nervous. It’s just a party”.

Will nodded frantically and sprinted forward much like Sara had and Danny had half expected him to trip too.

Lou laughed loudly before pulling Danny to hug him with a pat on the back, grumbling animatedly about “teen love”.

The party went on loudly, Grace's specially curated spotify playlist blaring through the house. Most of the adults were taking refugee to grumble in peace by the lanai, though they kept taking shifts to go in and check on all the teens in the house.

And then they were gearing up to huddle everyone to sing happy birthday, even though Grace rolled her eyes and said it was lame.

Danny went through the house to look for Charlie because Grace promised he could blow on one of her birthday candles, and found him on Steve arms.

Steve had picked him up and was letting him play with a few of the balloons stuck on the wall.

Danny felt warm.

“Can we –“, he heard Grace start beside him, but then she seemed to get wrapped into staring at Steve and Charlie too.

Then Rachel appeared by his side too and Danny tried to act normal and –

“We heard you and Nahele talking on the porch”, Rachel said quietly beside him.

Danny turned to look at her, but she was staring at Steve too. When he looked at Grace, she was now looking back at him, big, dark and knowing eyes.

“Yeah?”, Danny heard more than felt his own voice falter.

“You’re in love with him. Aren’t you?”, Rachel asked him, tilting her head towards Steve, her tone something in between a genuine question and just stating a fact.

Danny, for his part, was pretty sure he had just blacked out for a second.

Grace was on the other side of him, looking between Steve and Charlie and back to him and Rachel.

“Danno?”, she pressed.

Danny gulped. He looked over to where Kono was cackling besides Kamekona.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I am”, he whispered.

He wondered how many people he could tell before Steve found out through someone else.

Then he heard Grace squeal in delight and scream out an, “I _knew_ it!”, that caught everyone’s attention, including Steve and Charlie’s.

Danny had to loudly clear his throat and use sheer force of will not to blush too much.

“Can we all – hm, come to the dining room, please?”, he said uncomfortably as Grace eyed him with excitement.

They sang happy birthday, and took a bunch of pictures with everybody, and Danny tried really hard not to be caught staring at Steve again.

When everyone started to trickle out, the team stayed behind, and Stan helped out with cleaning up for a bit before heading out too, then Grace and Rachel, because Rachel asked Grace to spend the Sunday with her, and Danny and Abby were putting Charlie and Sara down on the guest bedroom before coming down to help with the rest of the clean-up.

Danny, Adam, and Lou were cleaning out the living room while Kono and Jerry did the dining room, Chin, Abby and Noelani the lanai and Steve and Nahele took care of the dishes. Who knew a fifteen-year-old’s party would make such a big mess? Danny just wished Grace didn’t want a big-tacky- _expensive_ sweet sixteen party next year. He barely knew if those were still a thing.

They were finishing up, Lou had been talking Danny’s and Adam’s ears off about Will’s clumsiness throughout the party and what a good boy he was and “You know he shaved for this?”, said in a really big smile.

Steve sent Nahele up to sleep and everyone said their goodnights, but as Nahele was halfway across the living room, he stopped by where Danny had been sweeping the floor by the front door, an uncertain smile on his face as he said, “Hey, thanks again”.

Danny smiled too and hugged him again.

“’night, kid”.

When Nahele moved away, scrunching his nose as he smiled, Danny caught Steve’s eyes just as he was leaving the kitchen. Surprise and fondness in his features.

Lou cleared his throat loudly.

“Uh, guys?”, Danny turned to the living room, suddenly full of their team, Chin with a fake annoyed smile on his face, “I wanted to talk to everyone for a second”, he said, and Abby moved to take his hand.

Chin looked… nervous. Which made Danny nervous, he looked around the others, and they all seemed curious. Everyone but Steve though. Steve looked like he had just been told to eat sand.

“Some time ago, uh, Coughlin made me a job offer”, Danny felt like he was going to need to sit down, but there was no chairs by the front door, so he just held on to Nahele’s shoulder, “Well, he gave me an opportunity at a job offer to be honest. But, yesterday he made me an official offer, to work heading a task force like Five-0. In San Francisco”.

Oh yeah, Danny needed to sit down.

He could see out the corner of his eye Nahele staring at him, probably because Danny was squeezing his shoulder too hard.

“ _What?_ ”, Kono’s voice went up and she sat down heavily on the nearest surface, which luckily was Steve’s lounger chair. “You’re _leaving_?”

Adam made to move towards her, but Chin beat him to it, sitting on the coffee table in front of Kono, but he still looked around at them when he said, “Yeah. I – _we_ ”, he looked at Abby, “Decided to go. We leave in a couple of weeks. We didn’t want to hijack Grace’s party with the news, so we waited to tell everyone. There’s one more thing though”, and at that he smiled wider, even though Kono seemed one second away from crying her eyes out, “Me and Abby decided to get married before we go”.

Kono started half sobbing, half laughing.

Both cousins stood up and clang to each other tightly.

“You okay?”, Nahele asked him quietly.

“Ask me a less complicated question, please”, he mumbled.

Nahele snorted, then they were all moving around congratulating Abby, then Chin, even though Kono was clinging to him still, still kind of sobbing into his shoulder.

“When’s the wedding?”, Noelani asked.

Abby hugged Chin’s other arm, “Next Friday. It’s just a quick thing at city hall, but we’d still appreciate if everyone were there”.

As everyone left, Danny went up the stairs with the excuse to pick up Charlie, but what he really wanted was to catch his breath.

 _Chin was leaving_.

He sat by Charlie’s side on the matress, careful not to jostle the bed and wake him.

 _Chin was getting married and_ leaving _._

Danny was so happy for the guy. Chin deserved everything and more after all that happened to him. But Danny also kind of wanted to go knock at Kono’s door just so they could maybe sob together.

“You okay?”.

Danny snapped his head up to stare at Steve by the door. He looked back at Charlie and cleared his throat.

“Hm, yeah, yeah, I guess”, he whispered back. Steve had his arms crossed at his chest as he leaned at the doorjamb, “I also guess you already knew about all that?”.

Steve nodded a bit, head going side to side as it bobbed too.

“I knew about the potential offer. Didn’t know Chin had said yes”.

Danny wanted to reach out, but it felt like more than the room was between them.

“ _You_ okay?”, he asked instead.

Steve shrugged this time.

“Sure”, then he sighed, “I mean, I – I don’t _like_ it and with everything else – “, Steve interrupted himself by sighing again and shaking his head down.

“Yeah. I get it”.

And Steve looked back at him, something raw on the way his eyes bore into Danny’s. For a split second he looked – _lost_.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Steve?”, he tried again, starting to get up.

“I have to be, Danny”, he said serious.

“Steve – “, said in a plead.

“Danny”, said in a warning.

“Danno?”, Charlie’s voice broke whatever it was that was happening or about to happen between them.

-

“So, what’re you gonna do now?”

“About?”

“Uncle Steve! Obviously!”, Grace shrieked.

“Grace, I’m not sure if this is appropriate”, Rachel said.

Danny sighed.

They were having their bi-monthly lunch without Stan and Charlie that week, and also on a Tuesday because it was the best time for everyone since Grace’s party and before Chin’s wedding, and it was also dinner, not lunch, because a Tuesday meant also a school day.

“I’m not planning on doing anything, Monkey”, Danny answered, distracting himself by putting some more mashed potatoes on his plate, “Steve is going through a lot right now, and I’m not sure if it’s a good idea for me to say anything. The only reason I told you, is because I promised I wouldn’t lie to you”, Grace started to pout but then beamed at him.

“You are never forward when it really matters to you”, Rachel observed, eyebrows high on her face as she put a big piece of steak in her mouth.

Grace looked between the two of them.

“What? _I_ was the one who asked _you_ out!”, he defended himself, but Rachel just rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, but it didn’t really _matter_ , did it? We, quite literally, had just bumped into each other. Same thing with Melissa, yes? But you took _forever_ to propose to me”

“And you never said you loved Mel”, Grace pointed out, then added, “What? You talk really loudly on the phone”.

Rachel just smiled wider, even though Danny was just sputtering in place.

“Exactly”, she kept going, “When something really matters to you, it’s like you lose all your follow through, Daniel”, she paused then, growing more serious, “If you’re serious about being with Steven, then you should actually do something about it”.

Danny sighed.

He looked at the clock on the wall, and sure enough, 45 minutes had passed since Rachel had walked in through the front door.

“I have to tell you guys something”, he said, making both of them stop eating to look at him, “And I just want to say that I’m okay and I’ll probably be okay for a long time too”, which was apparently not the way he should have approached the subject, because Rachel covered her mouth with her hand for a second, and Grace’s eyes started to bug out of her head.

“What _happened?_ ”, Rachel asked in half a breath.

Danny sighed again.

He had trained what he was going to say ever since he found out. He had long decided he couldn’t deal with telling the team, specially Steve, but he couldn’t keep it from the literal mother of his children or said children.

So, the best course of action was probably not beating around the bush, so he said: “When we had to deal with that nuclear bomb, I had to handle the uranium for a little bit, and I went to the doctors a few weeks back, and they said I had radiation poisoning”, he figured he still beat around the bush for a bit there, “But I’m taking some medication to help with it and the symptoms, and the doctors also said I wouldn’t – there might be no long-term consequences. It wasn't that much radiation”

“But there also _might_ _be_ long-term consequences, right?”, Rachel insisted, hand still in her mouth, the other clinging to Grace’s.

Grace’s eyes were watery.

Danny held out his hand too and Grace clang to it with her other hand.

“Yes. There’s a possibility for that too”, he answered, but he was staring at only Grace, “But, as I said, I’m okay right now. Right here”.

Grace got up to hug him tightly and Danny moved to open space for her between him and the table, “Are these the other reasons you’re weird with Uncle Steve?”

Danny buried his nose in her hair, “You’re so smart, Monkey. Yeah, it is”

“Are you really okay?”, she pressed, Danny could feel something wet on his shirt by his shoulder.

“I swear I am”.

Grace sniffed, “Okay”, she then detached herself from Danny, rubbing at her face, “I-uh, I’ll go clean up in the bathroom”.

Danny and Rachel watched her go then sat in silence for what it probably was the longest minute in Danny’s life.

“You don’t have anything to add?”, Danny asked, done with the quiet, “I figured by now we’d be in a good ol’ screaming match”.

Rachel smiled sideways, almost a smirk. She stared at her fork as she pushed her food around her plate.

“I’m worried, Danny. You know I always worry”, she turned to him then and Danny nodded nervously, staring at his ex-wife as she seem to collect her thoughts, “I guess I’m tired of screaming too. But for the record, I wish you told us sooner about all this. And you have to explain what – radiation poisoning entails. Should we be on the lookout for something, symptoms, signs?”.

Danny took a deep breath, hand moving to rub at his neck. He looked over to the still closed bathroom door and wondered if he should check on Grace.

He started saying everything the doctors told him, that his symptoms would go away, and they had already actually, “But they said I should avoid, uh, trauma? Y’know, like car crashes, and life threatening GSW’s”

“So, basically, you should avoid your job?”, Rachel said, voice with an edge that she tried to cover up with a hint of humour.

Danny shrugged.

“I’ll be more careful”.

“You should tell Steve”.

Danny huffed something that resembled a laugh, “Yeah, well…”

“I mean it. You should – be honest with him. About everything. You deserve to move on, Danny”, She made an expression that resembled a smile.

Danny looked at the set and messy table for a second.

“Stan was under the impression you’re still in love me”, he said, glancing sideways at his ex-wife, who snorted out a laugh.

“He just wanted a reason for why everything ended”, she said, then: “But – I suppose I’ll always be a little in love with you”, Danny turned completely to her, “Not like when we were together, but still”, she glanced sideways at him then, a real soft smile on her lips.

Danny breathed deeply.

“Yeah”, he turned back to the table just as Grace got out of the bathroom, but nudged her with his shoulder, “Me too, by the way”.

Rachel snorted again.

-

The week before Chin’s wedding was calm. Most days Steve could manage dropping Nahele off school and picking him up, even if he would end up back in the office right after or bringing the work home.

On Thursday Lou got in with both a proud and sour look on his face as he announced Samantha got accepted into Northwestern, dramatically throwing a stack full of boat magazines in the air as he walked to the smart table.

“You thinking about buying a boat?”, Danny asked as he picked a magazine off the floor.

“Not anymore, I’m not. My boatin’ days are done”.

Danny scrunched his nose as he nodded, “Always though would be a nice retirement, ever since that case with that nut of an ex-cop”

“That’s what _I thought_!”, Lou yelled out, pointing so forcefully at the magazine cover in Danny’s hands that it hit it to the floor again.

Steve’s own mood was soured for the rest of the day.

Which was probably what ensued Kono to come knocking softly at his office door.

“Hey, boss?”, she started carefully, holding on to the glass door.

“Yeah?”

“Can I come in for a sec?”

Steve sighed as he leaned back against his chair. “Sure”.

She sat down in front of him, leaning back too as she took a few seconds to study his face, probably his body language. Steve would be proud of her if he wasn’t also annoyed.

“Look”, she started, “I know right now you need things to be a bit black and white. Good or bad. With or against you. Helping or in your way. But – “, she paused with a deep breath, looking around Steve’s office. Steve, for his part, was curious to where that was going, “But you gotta know Danny only wants what’s best for you, right? All of us just want things to work out. And he’s not gonna _leave_ , boss”, she teased at a smile, eyes squinting at him, “Even if he retires, it’s not gonna be right _now_ , it’s not even gonna be next year! And he wouldn’t leave _you when you need him_ like you do now”.

Steve had been trying to tell himself that for _weeks_. But –

“He _lied_ to me, Kono”, he grunted out, not able to look at her as he said it, but he didn’t need to, he could still see the way she was taken aback by it.

Steve was getting better at never really telling all the reasons he and Danny were _weird_.

“What about?”

Steve shrugged as he looked back at her, “I don’t know! But when I confronted him about that list, he lied to me”.

Kono leaned forward then, something like a sympathetic smile on her face, “Dude, Danny doesn’t lie”.

Steve huffed, “I _know_ what I saw –“

“What I’m trying to say is, he will tell you the truth when he’s ready”.

If Steve looked close enough, he could think Kono knew exactly what Danny lied about. She probably sensed that too, if the way she look relieved when Chin interrupted them was any indication.

“Guys? Just wanted to remind everyone that we’re meeting at city hall tomorrow at eight a.m.”.

Steve perked at that and turned to him.

“And the…”, he prompted, raising his eyebrows at Chin, who smiled happily.

“Yeah, we’ll do a small party at Steve’s after work. Mahalo, brah”.

They threw shakas at each other as Chin left.

Kono got up from the chair in front of Steve, making him turn back to her.

“Loosen up a bit, boss, yeah?”, she said as she walked past him.

Steve didn’t know if she meant about the party or about Danny.

He guessed both were true anyway.

He knew the way things were with Danny were his fault too, that Danny was mad with him too. Probably with reason.

Probably.

But that was why he wasn’t expecting to be woken up at 4h16a.m. by his phone, Danny’s face shaking as it vibrated on his bedside table.

Steve grunted as he moved to sit up, “Danny?”, he mumbled to the phone, frowning as his eyes tried to open against the still dark room, sleep still clinging to his mind.

A breath, “Hey”.

Steve frowned more, “Hi”.

“Sorry for calling”, Danny’s voice was low and raspy with tiredness.

“You okay, buddy?”, Steve asked, wondering what had woken up the other man, or if he slept at all.

 _“I was calling for you. Everyone else was gone. I couldn’t get to you_ ”, was what Danny said about his nightmares.

Steve wondered that maybe Danny really was as afraid of being lonely as Steve was.

“I’m sorry, okay?”, came Danny’s voice, louder this time, “About not telling you about the retirement list – thing. About being annoying these last few weeks because you seem dead set on blowing yourself up”, Steve smiled without noticing, “I just – _Chin’s leaving_ ”.

Steve sighed.

“Yeah, he is”.

“I want us to be okay again, Steve. We’re gonna be a four-man operation again. You know I’ll always have your back, but we gotta be okay”.

Steve closed his eyes as he breathed deeply, hands grabbing at the sheets pooling at his lap, “You _lied_ to me, Danny”

Quiet. Then:

“I did”.

Steve kept his eyes closed.

“You’re not a liar”.

“’m not”.

“What’s going on, man?”, Steve insisted, opening his eyes, even though the room was still too dark.

Quiet again.

“I can’t tell you. But – I’ll tell you eventually. I promise”.

Steve narrowed his eyes at nothing, pressing the phone further against his ear.

“That’s what Kono said”, Steve mumbled, shaking his head down, “But you’re giving me the Grace treatment? Seriously?”

“ _Kono said_ – ”, a huff, “Never mind. But you gotta admit is better than pretending. Right?”.

“Well, I’d rather you just tell me what the hell is going on”.

“I know”, then softer, “I know. I’m just – you gotta trust me on this”.

Steve leaned forward and bent his knees up to support his arms, “I know you don’t like it when I bring this is up, but –“

“This isn’t about Rachel, Steve”.

And this time Steve half believed him.

Steve lifted a hand in surrender even though Danny couldn’t see it.

“So, is this why you couldn’t sleep?”, Steve murmured, trying to soften his voice so he wouldn’t wake Nahele.

“It’s no fun fighting with you when it’s for real”, Danny said, which made Steve smile without noticing again, “I just – I’ve been thinking a lot about those threats Abati and Shioma told us, and I guess I just – wanted to make sure you know that I’m here for you. Right here, right now”.

“What about the retirement?”

“Well, if you wanna _force me_ out before I can get my pension – “.

“No, I mean – “.

“Steve, _right here, right now_ ”.

Steve sighed, “Yeah. Yeah, thanks”.

“I’m the one anxious about the future in this marriage, okay? Don’t steal my thing, get your own thing”.

Steve smiled so wide he finally noticed he’d been doing it for the past ten minutes. He laid back against the headboard, breathing in deeply then out.

“It _is_ unnerving to have you be the one giving me advice for once”.

Steve expected the annoyed puff of air that followed, but then instead of a rant, Danny grew silent for a couple of loud breaths. Steve was about to ask if everything was okay, when:

“Can I give you another advice?”, Danny ask tentatively.

“Uh, sure?”, Steve started to frown.

“Consider making Lou a potential guardian for Nahele too?”, Danny said, making Steve bolt upright again, “I know that to grant temporary guardianship is mostly an informal affair when you already have custody of the kid, but it’ll probably be good, or in good tone anyway, to make it official with the CPS people. Nahele’s an adopted foster kid, I’m sure CPS will be involved with his and your life until he’s at least 18, and – “

“ _What the hell, Danny?_ ”, Steve interrupted the ramble, “You _just_ said _‘right here, right now’_ , and now you want me to make Lou Nahele’s guardian? _Why_?”.

“I said ‘too’, to make Lou a guardian _too_. CPS, or you, couldn’t keep me from taking care of that kid, Steve”, Steve willed himself to calm down, but he still felt his nostrils flair as he glared at his dark room, trying to make sense out of Danny Williams, “It’s just, well – _Chin’s leaving_. And things have been getting more dangerous, and I just don’t want Nahele to be alone again if something happens to you and me”.

Steve could barely breathe.

That Danny would be this worried about Nahele – _Steve’s_ son – it was too much. The way Danny kept carrying for him, how Nahele kept relying on Danny too. It spread warmth in Steve’s chest as he realized he couldn’t really put a stop on his feelings for Danny, no matter how much distance he tried putting between them, no matter if he tried not getting involved in Danny’s life, or how much he focused on work.

They would always end up back there, talking in the dark, promising to be there for each other, to be a family no matter what.

_They are coming after everything that you care about most in this world._

_This isn’t about Rachel_.

Steve McGarrett was done pretending. He was done pretending he didn’t have feelings for Danny Williams.

And Steve was done pretending he wasn’t jealous of Rachel – Edwards? Hollander? – too.

-

Chin’s wedding was simple, much like the guy himself. He wore a white button down and linen pants, Abby a white sundress, Kono handed them the appropriate leis, they all stood in a circle in some cramped judge’s office that was an old friend of Chin’s family, which apparently everyone flipped a coin to decide who got to come to the small ceremony, because there was maybe 30 less people than Steve would’ve expected considering how many cousins Chin and Kono had. Steve didn’t actually have an exact number on them.

Danny spent half of it glancing at his phone, waiting on a text or call from Rachel or Stan about something with Charlie, – Steve had half heard him talking to Kono as they were waiting for the judge to arrive – Kono spent the whole thing crying and recording on her phone so she could show Adam later, then she had to give the phone to Lou so she could sniff more freely, then Lou had to give the phone to Jerry so he could do it too.

The whole thing was over too quickly, and Steve had a bittersweet taste in his mouth, because that had been a quick step into Chin _leaving_. When he looked around, he thought that maybe everyone felt the same, even Kamekona and Flippa seemed dejected in their bright aloha shirts.

They were all going back to work, aside from Kono who asked for a half-day to get things ready for the party that night.

“Seems kinda wrong to be going to work, huh?”, Danny said from the passenger seat on the Camaro, like he could read Steve’s mind.

“Yeah”, Steve agreed quietly, “I just keep thinking we should just go to the beach to celebrate, you know? Get Mamo and Kawika to do the right blessings. I know it’s probably what Chin really wanted. It’s just -”, Steve took a sharp breath, forcing himself not to glare at the windshield, “It’s going too fast. Chin’s probably just glad he could do the legal thing so quickly”.

Steve wanted more time.

Steve could see Danny shrug through the corner of his eye, “We could probably still swing it”, he mumbled, “We’re already having a party with a thousand Kelly’s in your backyard tonight anyway”.

Steve felt himself starting to smile, “Yeah?”.

When Steve glanced sideways, Danny was smiling too, “Yeah, you goof, you just gotta make a call and they’ll probably jump at the idea”, he paused, “And since Stan and Rachel are both seeing their respective divorce lawyers tomorrow morning, I get Charlie _and_ Grace tonight, so we can probably milk a bunch of pictures with everybody. Though I might need to head out sooner, Grace has a thing in the morning”.

Steve forced himself not to make a face at the whole Rachel and Stan divorce comment, but he did call Kawika and Mamo as soon as he got in at HQ, and he was halfway out of his office to tell Danny when Kono burst through the bullpen, eyes hard and jaw set, making a beeline for the smart table where she started pulling images and files frantically.

Everyone else seemed to sense the urgency of whatever happened, because he, Lou, Chin and Danny all ended up besides Kono on the smart table, waiting for her to say something.

“I talked to Moani today”, she said with false calmness, “She showed me a sketch for this guy”, she swiped at the table and a picture appeared on the screens in front of them, a white, bearded guy staring at them, “This guy is who Emilio dealt with. Deon Miller”.

Steve felt a shiver run down his spine and he could only think of Grace and Nahele.

Jerry came in a few minutes, telling them about Deon’s truck and address and then they were gearing up for a raid.

Only to arrive on an empty house.

Steve looked on as Kono walked off the house in long hard strides. When he looked at Chin, he just shook his head. They all made their way back to HQ.

Only to have Jerry get them Deon’s truck’s location, speeding through Honolulu’s highways. Then they were chasing him with HPD, and Abby was leading a roadblock, only to be almost bulldozed by Deon.

And Steve kept thinking about Nahele, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes as he struggled to breathe. Grace’s bugged out eyes as she shrunk on herself.

So, as they sped after Deon, and Danny said, “I don’t get it, we’re on a island, where he’s gonna go?”, Steve didn’t have the patience to answer any calmer then:

“Maybe he thinks we’re gonna get bored or something!”, he snapped.

And he heard Danny take half an annoyed breath and say, “That – that was a legitimate question, you don’t have to be a smartass with me”.

And Steve half focused mind could only snap again with, “ _Okay_. Alright. You know _what_ , _buddy_ , I know you’re stressed about Rachel’s divorce, but you need to tone it down a notch, okay?”.

This time, when Steve glanced sideways, Danny was squinting with his whole face.

“Why would even bring Rachel, it’s got nothing to do with – you were being sarcastic!”

“No, I wasn’t!”

Steve was too amped up to know if this was just one of their “fill in the silence” arguments, or if it was turning into a real one, because then they just started yelling over each other as the Honolulu’s street blended together through the car windows.

“I _wasn’t_ being sarcastic and – “

“Oh, no?”

“ _And_ if I’m being honest, I don’t think this thing with you and Rachel is uh – “, Steve started to blank out, not really sure how he brought the argument there, because he could easily show his hand accidently going down that road, because it was so easy to show his hand when Danny was involved, “Is, uh, a healthy thing.”, the last bit was almost mumbled out of his mouth.

Danny was still squinting with his whole face.

“I’m helping her out with the kids – _our_ kids – sometimes. I’m their dad, what’d you expect?”

“After work?”

“What _‘after work’_? I help put Charlie to bed sometimes”

“Then what?”

“What’d you mean _‘then what’_?”

“Then what you do?”, Steve was pretty sure he didn’t actually want the answer to that question.

“We _talk_ ”

And Steve almost laughed, but he still snickered with: “ _Talk?_ With your _ex-wife?_ ”

“Why are you being weird about this? I _talked_ to Rachel when she was married, why it’s suddenly different that I talk to her when she’s divorced?”.

“You just said it! Now she’s divorced! You have your shot!”.

“You’re ridiculous and completely out of your mind”.

“I know I’m out of my mind, but I also know you’re in love with your ex-wife, and now you have your shot at making things right”, Steve didn’t really mean to say the word _‘love’_ , and he winced as he took in Danny’s growing red face.

“My shot? _My shot?_ ”, Steve saw Danny turn slightly on the passenger seat to stare at him, “Steve! I already had _‘my shot’!_ _Twice!_ One got me a _divorce_ , the other got me a _kid_ , that I didn’t _even know I HAD, until TWO YEARS AGO!”_.

Steve had to wince again at how loud Danny’s voice got.

They had officially crossed into “real argument” territory. And Steve was growing acutely aware that he was probably not on the right on this one.

That maybe he imagined the whole Rachel and Danny thing because he had wanted – _had needed_ – something to make letting go of his feelings for Danny easier. Or maybe he just kept insisting on it so Danny wouldn’t see right through him as he always did. He always did.

And as he first saw the back of Deon’s truck appearing ahead on the highway, Steve had never felt so confused in his life.

Not even when he was standing between Freddy Hart and Catherine Rollins on a military gala years ago, drowning in love with him, fooling himself with her, and hurting _so much_.

He had feelings for Danny. He had thought that maybe Danny had feelings for him too. Someone was threatening everything Steve cared about. He couldn’t be with Danny. Rachel and Stan were getting a divorce. Stan thought Rachel was in love with Danny. He couldn’t be with Danny. Danny was thinking about retiring. Chin was leaving. Danny wanted Lou to be Nahele’s guardian too.

 _Danny_.

 _I want more time_.

Steve drove right behind the truck, gearing himself up to say anything to Danny, as long as it began with an _“I’m sorry”_.

Then Jerry called him.

Danny huffed beside him.

Steve had to call Deon. He should _not_ have called Deon to negotiate.

“Alright, Deon, look”, he started, with what probably was his Commander voice, “We know you handled logistics for Emilio and his people. You are currently _illegally_ transporting _minors_ , if you refuse to cooperate, we’re gonna charge you with multiple accounts of _kidnapping_ , and I will _personally_ throw your ass in a prison cell where you’ll stay for the rest of you life, you understand?"

As far as hostage negotiations went, that wasn’t Steve’s best.

“Try and stop me and I’ll drive this truck off a cliff”, Deon’s uneven voice answered before he hung up.

Steve wanted more time.

But then there was Jerry calling again with new intel that amounted on nothing that could resemble a good plan. So Steve had to come up with a bad plan. Or at least a crazy one.

So back to HQ they went.

Steve tried really hard to not look at Danny as he suggested he jumped on a high-speed moving truck from the H3 tunnel exit.

He half expected Kono’s offer to be the one doing it, but he also knew there was no way he was letting anyone else risk themselves like that.

He also half expected a Danny-shaped rant about the whole thing, specially when Steve was gearing up in his office and Danny walked in, pill bottle in one hand, water bottle in the other, both hands moving around like he was gonna throw both things at Steve’s head.

“Are you out of your _goddamn mind?_ What’s the matter with you?”

“Do you have a better idea? And what’s with the pills?”, Steve asked, willing himself not to snap at his partner.

“No, I don’t have a better idea”, Danny had no qualms at snapping at Steve though, “Because this isn’t even an idea, it’s a death wish!”

“First of all, I’m just doing my job, second of all, what’s with the pills? You break the rest of your liver or something?”

“Doing _your job?_ ”, Danny tilted his head until his body went with it and he was looking at Steve in an angle, “Jumping on a _moving truck_ is not your job, climbing the side of a building _is not your job_ , crashing a car through _a house_ is not your job! And I _can’t break my liver!_ If _anyone_ is gonna break a liver, is you! _”_.

“ _Danny_ , don’t you have something else to do?”, Steve complained, adjusting his vest with brash movements, but Danny seemed to be on a roll.

“Actually I do! Is watch you commit suicide, but I’m trying to put that off as much as possible, you know what I mean, give you some time -”

And for once, Steve agreed with Danny. But –

“We don’t have time”, he said, moving them back to the bullpen and then out of HQ, back to the cars.

Twenty minutes later, Steve was hiking through the forest surrounding the H3 tunnel exit, trying to get to the drop point, listening to Jerry relay the plan’s progress through his comms.

Steve refused to think about his or Danny’s kids.

One mistake then and he’d be gone as pancake on the asphalt and he wouldn’t do that to Nahele.

So Steve needed to focus.

The voice in his head telling him to nut up was eerily similar to Joe’s.

Then Danny’s voice came through the comms, and Steve’s focus started to slip.

“Steve, I have something to say”, Danny said. He was nervous. Anxious, really.

“Danny, not a good time right now”, Steve griped as he made his way down the steep mountainside, dodging tree branches and overgrown roots.

“It’s the perfect time, because you gotta listen to me. And if you wanna die right now, that’s fine –“

“Can’t you just say good luck?”, Steve jumped into the tunnel structure to heave himself up.

“No, I can’t say good luck, because the only way luck plays any part in this, is you end up paralysed instead of dead. What I’m gonna tell Nahele, huh?”

Steve almost lost his step.

“Danny, don’t”.

Jerry interrupted them to say the truck was less than a mile out from the drop point.

Steve took a deep breath.

“I want to do this with you, Danny”, he said as he stared at the view in front of him, the highway cutting through the mountain and the trees.

“Do what?”.

Steve had to take another breath, “Whatever it is you’re going to do when you retire”, he said, loudly over the screeching cars bellow him.

Danny didn’t say anything for the longest time, Steve thought he might have to jump before he could get an answer.

“Buddy, you still there?”, he asked.

“You wanna retire with me?”, came the incredulous question, which, granted. Steve was all over the place that day.

“I never said that!”, Steve yelled out, pressing a hand over the comms in his ear so he could hear it better, “I said I wanted to do whatever you end up doing _with_ you”

There was a chuckle and Steve smiled.

“Don’t you need _to be_ retired for that?”

“I can multitask!”, he yelled just as Jerry came in, telling him to get ready to jump.

“Please, don’t die, okay?”, Danny bargained on the comms, voice exasperated.

“Okay”, Steve whispered, though Danny probably didn’t hear it.

Then Jerry did a countdown and Steve jumped.

-

Danny probably shouldn’t feel as he relieved as he did when Steve said he wanted to be with him when Danny did his retirement thing. But that meant Steve was planning a _future_. That even though he was jumping on semi-trucks on busy highways and dancing with death every other day, Steve was still thinking of what it came after.

Seven years ago, Danny wasn’t so sure if anything mattered to Steve aside from getting Wo Fat, taking revenge on his dad’s death, and solving the investigation John McGarrett left behind.

But now Steve had Nahele, and Danny would be damned if that kid was going to end up an orphan again. Now Steve wanted to do Danny’s retirement plan with him.

A _future_.

For the next five seconds, Danny breathed easier than he ever did the last few weeks since they got Shioma.

But it only lasted those five seconds as their plan to get the girls out of the truck went to hell and Steve ended up trapped too.

Then Steve was coming up with another plan no sane person would ever even consider, and Danny pressed his comms to his ear before saying:

“Hey, thanks for saying all that. Before”, he didn’t know what else to say, “Thanks, seriously”, he said, even though he meant something else.

He heard static and it probably meant Steve breathed out loudly, “You’re welcome. Seriously”, Steve said, though Danny didn’t know if he meant something else too.

By the time the whole thing ended, thankfully with the girls safely being taken back to the hospital and their families being contacted, Steve still alive, and the team going back to HQ, Danny thought that ten years had just gotten shaved off his life.

The team was all around the smart table as Jerry filled them in on Deon’s plan and the operation he was a part of, the enormity of it all, how they saved ten girls from the same thing happening to hundred others on the mainland.

Danny couldn’t really blame Kono for being so angry and snapping at them.

He kind of expected her to be a bit forlorn at Chin’s party that night too, after a tough case like that, it was hard switching your brain back to enjoy normal life, though she still cried when she, a few cousins, and Sara stood by Abby’s side, and Danny, Steve, Jerry, and Lou stood by Chin’s as Mamo came in with the leis and Kawika blew the conch shell and they and Kamekona did a chant by the sea on Steve’s lanai as Chin smiled so wide his eyes were completely shut against his cheeks, Abby kept wiping at her eyes and holding on to the lei around hers and Chin’s neck.

Danny looked around the crowded beach until he found the teen group all standing to one side, Samantha and Grace were misty eyed as they looked at ceremony, Will had Charlie sitting on his shoulders as Nahele seemed to split his attention in entertaining the toddler and looking at the ceremony too.

Danny started to worry when the party actually started and music was blaring out of some huge speakers Kamekona had brought, and Kono was just sitting there, even after Adam seemed to have asked her to dance.

Danny made to ask her too, but then Charlie came budling towards him, holding out a hand as the other held on to Nahele and Steve because he wanted them to “dance”, or as he liked to call jumping up and down in circles. Danny looked around and found Grace slow dancing with Will and steered the eager toddler and Nahele towards them.

He still saw the way Nahele rolled his eyes at him before following Charlie.

“You’re something else, man”, Steve shook his head at him with a small smile.

Danny just shrugged as he watched Grace throw him a death glare as she was interrupted by her jumpy brother.

When he looked back at where Kono was, she was already getting up, talking to someone on the phone.

“Give her some time”, Steve said besides him.

Danny watched as Kono walked into the house, phone still against her ear.

“Yeah”.

He only saw Kono again when the party was already winding down, and as the team – minus Chin and Abby – looked around the mess, Steve made them promise to be back there tomorrow morning to help with clean up, because everyone was pretty damn tired already.

Danny had a conked-out Charlie draped over his chest as he walked towards Nahele, who been fidgeting on the spot, looking around like maybe he was going to start cleaning up by himself.

“Hey, kid”, Danny whispered, making Nahele turn to him. Looking up and down at him, Danny could see the kid was pretty tired too, “Can you watch Charlie tomorrow? Back at my place?”, he asked, still whispering as to not wake Charlie, but Nahele’s eyebrows seemed on their way to his hairline, making Danny start to frown, “I don’t wanna bring him here for the clean-up, and Grace has a, uh”, Danny roamed around his brain for the appointment Grace had on a _Saturday morning_ , his teen girl sometimes seemed busier than him, “Aloha girls thing? I think. Maybe it’s a cheerleader thing, all I know is she’s going to be gone all morning, and I need someone to watch Charlie”, Danny was so tired his rambling were getting more confusing than usual.

Nahele still looked like a deer caught in the headlights, then he squeaked, “ _Me?_ You sure?”

Danny raised his own eyebrows at the kid, “Why not? I know you’re responsible, I know you and Charlie will have fun. Do you have a shift at the truck?”

“Hm, uh, I can talk to -”.

Danny looked around until he found the tanned bald head amongst the people getting ready to leave, “I’ll talk to Kamekona, don’t worry”.

Nahele nodded almost forcibly, “Uh, sure then”.

Danny was still frowning, but tried easing it as he soothed his voice too, “Hey, I trust you, okay? It’ll be fine, and I’m just one call away if you need it”

Nahele cleared his throat, looking sheepish for a second, “Yeah, hm, I don’t think I ever watched over Charlie without you guys around, you know, by myself. I didn’t, uh, didn’t know if – “.

“ _Hey_ ”, Danny interrupted him, watching the kid gulp, “I trust you”, he said again and watched as Nahele nodded one more time too.

-

By the time Danny parked outside Steve’s house the next morning, Steve, Lou, and Jerry all seemed halfway done with the clean-up. Chin was, obviously, free from the chore, and Danny had first picked up Nahele and took him back to his house, then drove Grace to the Aloha Girls headquarters, and by the time he got to Steve’s he kinda just wanted to lay down again.

“Hey, where’s Kono and Adam?”, he asked as he looked around everyone on the lanai, Lou and Steve moving the stray chairs and tables around to give back to Kamekona, Jerry off picking up the trash people dropped the night before.

They all shrugged noncommittally, mumbling a tired comment or another.

Danny glared at the already blazing sun before starting to help Jerry around, and half an hour later when his phone rang he was already drenched in sweat and looking for an excuse to go into the kitchen to stand in front of the fridge.

He saw Kono’s name flash in his phone screen and made his way inside, dismissing Steve’s glare.

“I wouldn’t bother coming if I were you”, he said as soon as he picked up the phone, “We’re almost done here anyway”.

A sharp breath and –

“ _Danny”_ , Kono had a very strangled voice, almost as strangled as the night Chin told them about San Francisco.

Danny knew had to lean against the counter for support for whatever it was that was coming out of Kono’s mouth.

Nothing came though.

Danny looked back at the phone to see if the call had disconnected.

It hadn’t.

“Kono, what’s going on?”, he asked.

“I’m not gonna be there”, said in a rush, “I-I’m at the airport”.

Danny sat on the floor.

“What you mean you’re _at the airport?_ ”, he insisted, mostly because he needed to hear the actual words from Kono’s mouth, but his gut was already telling him the answer, “ _Where are you going?”_.

A sniff, “I’m gonna call Steve, I promise, I just had to tell you first. But I – I already talked to Chin, on the way here, and Adam’s gonna handle –“

“ _Kono!_ ”, Danny interrupted her in a hiss, “What’re you talking about, huh? _C’mon_ ”

A throat clearing, “I arranged a spot on a task force dealing with sex trafficking on the mainland”, she said then, voice certain even if still a bit frail, “I don’t know how long I’m gonna be with them, I’ll be sent all over the country and – I left my resignation letter with Adam this morning. He’ll give it to Steve on Monday”.

Danny had his elbows on his knees, one hand with the phone against his ear, the other on one moment over his mouth, on the other over his eyes.

He never felt what it was like to be caught in a storm in the middle of the ocean, waves so high you’d be thrown overboard at any moment, but he guessed it felt something like that.

“I just needed to tell you myself, okay?”, she kept saying, softer now, “I know Chin and I are cousins, but, hm, you guys _are my family, okay?_ And I’ll _miss you_ – _so much_ ”.

Danny snorted something between a laugh and a sob, much like Kono herself always did.

“Ohana, right?”, his voice was coming out nasal.

Kono snorted too.

“Yeah”, she murmured, “Ohana”.

Danny took the phone out of his ear for a second to press it against his forehead, catching his breath slowly.

 _Kono was leaving_.

He put the phone back.

“Hey, hm, do you have a second?”, he cleared his throat in hopes of getting rid of the lump in it, “I gotta tell you something”.

“Ah, yeah, yeah, I’m still waiting on the boarding call”.

Danny took a steadying breath, though it only seemed to make him tremble. He looked around the kitchen, making sure he was alone there.

“When I took out the uranium from Abati’s bomb”, he hesitated, “the suit and the battery didn’t protect me enough”.

A pause.

“What’re you saying, Danny?”.

Danny looked around again.

“I have radiation poisoning”, he heard a strangled _“what”_ , but kept talking, because what else was he gonna do? _Hang up?_ “I found out a month ago or so, but the symptoms are almost completely gone, I’m taking something for the radiation and – “

“ _Dude_ ”, Kono interrupted his ramble, “ _A month?_ Does anyone know? And what does this mean for you?”

Danny explained everything the doctors told him, that he himself told Rachel and Grace, and he for a second the thought of Kono leaving went to the back of his mind, like maybe he was just talking to his friend on the phone like a regular day.

“I can’t believe Steve doesn’t know”, she said in astonishment.

“I can’t tell him, Kono”, Danny shook his head, “Like, I physically can’t, the words just won’t come out”.

“You’re being a bit dramatic. He cares about you, he knows you’re not telling him something”.

Danny huffed, “I’m not telling him a bunch of things”

Danny heard her sigh, “Yeah. You can’t keep doing this, though. Danny, you have to tell him _something_ ”

“Yeah. I know”.

“I –“, Kono started, but stopped herself. Danny waited. “They just called my flight”.

Danny closed his eyes.

“I can’t believe this”, he whispered, “You’re my best friend, Kono”.

Kono laughed, her pitch a bit too high, “I though Steve was your best friend”.

Danny shook his head, “I don’t think I can call him that, not in good conscience”.

“Yeah, probably not”, she said, her voice in between humour and softness.

Danny pressed his eyes harder, his free hand holding to the sweaty strands of hair on top of his head, “I’m really proud of you, y’know?”

“I gotta do this”.

“I know”.

“I’ll call Steve when I land”.

“I know”.

“I have to go”.

“I know”.

“ _Danny”_.

Danny breathed in for four seconds, out for four more.

“Don’t forget us, okay?”.

“Ohana, remember? I’ll be back before you know it”.

“Yeah, Ohana”.

-

Walking in the office the next Monday felt wrong.

Steve looked around, Chin’s office was almost completely packed, the guy himself was there, frowning at his boxes. Kono’s office was completely dark, untouched. Adam said he’d come around later to clear it and bring her resignation letter.

Steve had found Danny on his kitchen floor that Saturday and immediately knelt down beside him, almost starting to check for injuries, then Danny had batted his hands away and told him to sit down too.

By the time Danny had finished telling him, Jerry and Lou had wondered in too, and when it was time to make something for lunch, all four men were squeezed together on the kitchen floor.

Kono had officially called him that Saturday night, her voice carrying the same tone Steve was used to hearing when the Navy would send him newbie squids for his unit. The nervous edge, the effort to even out their voices, the silent question of: _“Am I doing this right?”._

“I’m sorry I’m leaving when you need me”, she had said earnestly.

“We’ll manage, Kono. You just – be careful out there, okay?”, he had said, because that was the only thing he could say really.

And she had laughter in her voice as she said, “Sure, boss”.

Thankfully, the week went by fast and easy with no major cases for them to solve, because the team was completely off its axis, they would probably struggle with an average B&E.

Steve couldn’t really believe it, he was sure he was compartmentalizing everything on muscle memory at that point, because he could barely stand the thought of it all.

Chin was _leaving_.

Kono _left_.

In the span of a week his family would shrink two sizes.

At least Danny, Lou and Jerry seemed to be taking it just as well as he was.

The governor was breathing down Steve’s neck about new hires, but he couldn’t think of that yet. Hell, Interpol had been skulking out through Harry, trying to gauge whether or not they should send someone there.

Harry had been fending them off for Steve though, after he called for the fifth time on Wednesday and Danny just grabbed the phone out of Steve hands and yelled: “Just tell them to _fuck right off_! We’ll hire someone when we hire someone!”

Steve was pretty sure he heard a cackle before Danny unceremoniously hung up. Steve also hadn’t heard from him in two days, so at least it seemed to have worked.

By the time the Friday before Chin left rolled around, Steve was no more prepared for it than he was back when Chin announced he was taking Coughlin’s offer. They had planned a very small get together the next day to send Chin off, though they would probably still see him and Abby off on the airport on Sunday.

“You should probably start charging for these parties”, Lou offered, stopping by Steve’s office door just as he hanged up on Kamekona to arrange enough food for everybody. For once, Steve didn’t have it in him to grill large portions of meat on his lanai, “Or see if Hirsh would do you a solid and clean up after everyone”.

Steve tried for a small smile, “Yeah, but then I’d have to _invite_ Hirsh”.

Lou pointed at him knowingly, smirk in place.

Then he just stood there. Lou wasn’t one for indecisiveness.

“What’s up, man?”, Steve pushed, frowning at the big man.

Lou pointed with his finger and bald head at the vacant chair in front of Steve’s desk inquisitively, but already coming in the office anyway. Steve still gestured for him to go on.

“I don’t know, man”, Lou started, making himself comfortable on the chair, “Just wanted to check in on you. Things have been… hard”.

Steve shook his head down, a loud breath escaping through his nose that could be mistaken for a laugh in any other situation, by any other person. Not by Lou Grover though. Not then.

“Honestly?”, Steve said, “I could be better, Lou”.

At that, Lou smiled, somewhat of a laugh escaping him.

“Yeah, no shit”, he smirked again. But he grew serious again and Steve knew the guy had a purpose there, “You’d tell me if things were bad, right? I mean really _bad_.”

Steve rubbed at his face before letting out a breathless, “Define _really bad_ for me”

Lou didn’t fall for it though. He just gazed earnestly at Steve and said, “I mean it, Steve. Whatever you need, I’m here for you”.

Steve stared at his friend for a beat, “I appreciate it, man. And for what it’s worth, I’m here for you too”.

Lou smiled in that way only he could, a childish tone to it, as he said, “It’s worth a lot, brother”.

Then he looked around, eyes going through his office’s glass windows then landing on Danny’s. Steve already started to dread whatever it was he was going to say next.

“What about your boy there?”, he asked, nodding towards the detective’s office, as if Steve needed clarification to whom Lou referred to as “ _your boy”_ to him.

Steve stopped himself from following Lou’s gaze, knowing there was a high chance Danny would be looking back at him, for whatever reason, he was always looking back at Steve.

But Steve could only shrug. Danny Williams had been a big mystery to him for _weeks_ now. Even as he explained himself, he didn’t clear anything up to Steve.

“At least we’re not fighting anymore”, was all Steve could come up with to say.

“You mean any more than usual?”.

Steve rolled his eyes.

“I really thought we were heading somewhere. Before. Before Shioma and before Rachel’s divorce. I just – “

“You didn’t do anything”, Lou deadpanned, then he leaned forward in the chair, “ _Why?_ I know you said it was a lot, but –“.

“Because of _this_ , Lou”, Steve interrupted him in a whisper, staring at a black and golden pen he had over his table, “Because I always have someone coming after me and _everything I care about_. Five-0 was always in the crossfire before, but now? If I’d – If I admitted to myself", he shook his head, "I – I mean, the moment I opened up and let it all go out in the open, it would be the moment it would all become real. Then it would become a target”, Steve closed his eyes for a second, and in his mind’s eye, he could still see the pen, “And look where we are now, Lou. I was right all along. I couldn’t, _I can’t_ , do that to him”.

When Steve looked back at Lou, he wasn’t sure what he expected to find. But staring back at him was a weird mix between understanding and deep exasperation. A true Grover special, really.

“But you deserve to be _happy_ , Steve”, Lou pressed him, “And _damn_ the consequences”.

Steve sighed, “Tell me that when this is all over, okay?”.

Lou opened his mouth in astonishment at him, frowning with his whole head at Steve.

“You’re as stubborn as you are indestructible, you know that?”.

 _Bull-headed and bulletproof_.

“Yeah, I know”.

-

Chin’s going away party was quiet, at least in comparison to his own wedding just a week ago.

They all gathered around Steve’s lanai and ate all the shrimp Kamekona managed to bring, the night went on and no one seemed really eager to leave, by eleven p.m. Adam offered to take Renée and the kids back to their house, the guy spent the whole dinner with a wistful look to his face, by midnight both Danny and Chin had a toddler draped over their chests, drooling onto their shirts, but even Nahele and Grace seemed to be already dozing off.

“Are we gonna stay over, Danno?”, Grace whispered, leaning into his chair slightly.

Danny looked over at Steve for a second, how miserable the guy looked even though he was trying his damnest to cover it up.

“You know the drill”, he answered, and Grace perked, getting up and going over to Steve.

Steve’s eyes met Danny’s for a second as Grace talked. With the lanai’s low lighting, it was almost impossible to tell what colour they were really.

With the both of them sitting in different ends of the table, Danny couldn’t really hear what Steve and Grace were saying, but he already knew Steve wouldn’t – couldn’t really – deny her anything, so it wasn’t a surprise when Grace hugged Steve’s neck for a second before coming to Danny again, offering to put Charlie to bed.

By 1a.m., Nahele went up too.

Then Chin and Abby shared a look, followed by a shared look at Sara still on Chin’s chest.

“I guess we should go too”, Chin mumbled.

Neither Chin or Abby moved.

“This is hard, huh?”, Chin then mumbled to himself, something like a smile on his face, though it looked wistful too.

“If you do a speech, Lou will cry, that might make it easier”, Danny teased, receiving a frown and kick under the table from the man.

But Chin raised his eyebrows at them, then shared another look with Abby before handing her Sara carefully.

“ _Oh, man_ ”, Lou whined dramatically.

Chin got up and cleared his throat.

“We’ve been saying goodbye to a lot of people, but I just wanted to make it clear that this is home. Hawaii will always be home to me, to Kono, and to Max too. And if you need us”, Chin gave Steve a pointed look, “We’ll come back home”

“Mahalo, brother”, Steve murmured, raising his glass slightly.

Chin cleared his throat again, looking down at the table for a second. Sure enough, when Danny looked back at Grover, his dark eyes were starting to shine against the lanai’s lights.

“I don’t really know where I’d be, if it weren’t for five-0. I, uh, seven years ago I really didn’t have much or anyone aside from Kono. So, mahalo to _you_ , Steve. You gave me, you gave _us_ , more than a job, you gave us a family when we probably needed it the most. You guys are my _brothers_ , no matter where we are.”, then he turned to Kamekona, “Take care of these Kamaʻāina for me, yeah?”

Kamekona smiled as only he knew how, something mocking and light to it, “You’re Kamaʻāina too now, brotha”.

Chin laughed, “Yeah, I guess so”.

Lou sniffed loudly and it seemed to break the spell as they all got up, hugs were traded, Sara was passed around to allow everyone to hug everyone.

“Take care, Danny”, Chin said as they hugged, “And, hm, take care of _him_ too”, Danny didn’t need clarification to who Chin meant.

“Impossible, but I’ll try”, then, “Hey, I’m happy for you. You deserve it, man”.

And then there was only Danny and Steve again.

But this time, they made no move to start cleaning up. Like an unspoken agreement, Steve got two beers from his fridge (his second one of the night, Danny tracked it) and they made their way to the chairs by the shore.

“Things are gonna be real quiet on Monday, huh?”, Danny said to fill the silence, and because he knew Steve would say:

“With you there? Never”.

Danny laughed to himself, taking a swig of his beer and listening to the waves crashing. He didn’t think he’d ever get tired of it – don’t tell Steve – but after seven years of it, of being on that beach with that man by his side, Danny could understand the appeal of it all.

“I thought… I was ready for Chin, y’know? I knew he was going to take Coughlin’s offer eventually. So I braced myself for that. But _Kono?_ I had no idea. No idea.”, Steve said almost numbly.

Danny hummed, even though Steve probably couldn’t hear him over the high winds coming from the sea.

“Well, if anyone should understand what it’s like to get their calling to serve, it’d be you, buddy”, Danny said.

“Yeah”, Steve said, only loud enough to be heard over the wind.

Danny turned to look at him, but the lights coming from the lanai were casting shadows at the back of their heads, drowning Steve’s face in almost complete darkness, only broken by the small movements Steve made as he got engrossed at whatever was happening inside his head.

Danny wanted to reach out with his hand.

“I don’t wanna lose you too”, Steve said, staring straight ahead at the ocean, bottle of beer held loosely between his fingers.

Danny gulped, but he didn’t seem to be able to look away anymore, “I’m not going anywhere”.

And that made Steve turn to him too, casting half of his face in golden soft light.

“I –“, Danny started, heart beginning to speed up.

“We should clean up a bit before turning in”, Steve talked over him, downing his beer and getting up, leaving Danny dumbfounded, staring at his back.

Danny took two long swigs at his beer before getting up too.

Like he was gearing up for something.

He followed Steve to the kitchen where they cleaned the dishes quietly, the clatter of the glasses and ceramics only interrupted by their usual inane chatter.

Danny thought about goodbyes, and about radiation poisonings, and divorces, and faceless and nameless threats.

And he thought about the boys sleeping soundly upstairs, about the girl there too, who kept pushing them together like she was trying to not only solve a puzzle in her head but glue it together.

Danny thought about being lonely.

“Do you wanna know why I was so defensive about Rachel and the divorce?”, Danny asked, his heart pounding so strongly it was about to beat out of his chest.

Steve stopped for a second, putting the dish he had been drying in his hand back in the rack.

“Sure”, he answered, turning to Danny.

“You wanna know why I said it was so ridiculous that you thought I was in love with my ex-wife? Well, it’s because it’s impossible, okay? Completely impossible”.

Danny watched as Steve frowned, hip leaning against the kitchen counter. Danny would mirror the pose if he wasn’t so high strung already. His throat was dry and he actually thought he might hyperventilate at any second.

This was worse than being kicked out of the scouts for kissing Ricky Bonaducci.

“I’m in love with somebody else”, he amended quickly before he chickened out.

“What? What you mean you’re in love with someone else? Who?”, Steve was frowning, like he was making a mental checklist of all the people Danny encountered the past year. He probably really was.

_Just say it. Say it. Say it. For the love of god, just say it. Please._

“It’s you”, Danny said, his voice breaking. And then, for good measure, in case Steve didn’t get the “you” he was talking about, Danny gestured to him with his hand, from head to toe.

“I’m in love with you, Steve”.

-

_Everything Steve McGarrett cared about most in this world_

-

Steve couldn’t say it back.

He couldn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song Depth over distance, by ben howard
> 
> this chapter goes through 7x22 until 7x25, and it has bits of dialogues from these eps too! if anyone was mislead by the last chapter and thought i'd do a love triangle thing with rachel, sorry i guess. in this fic we have mcdanno mutual pining only.  
> anyone remembers reading about how baby ducklings inprint on their mothers? don't know if thats true or not, but that's Nahele with Danny here tbh, that kid took one look at Danny Williams and thought 'that's a Parent TM'.  
> Also though this fic is a mcdanno fic, I kinda wanted to explore all - or most anyway - of the other characters and their own story arcs and i don't know if that's boring for you guys, but i'm trying to make it at least interesting, i swear!
> 
> anyways, this is it for the first half of the fic! sorry about the cliffhanger! I'm taking a bit of a break from posting this next couple of weeks, but i might come back and edit some stuff in the meantime, this is unbeta'd, so there's a lot of typos to fix, there might be some plot holes i didnt catch too. also might change a bit of the fic summary, add the trigger warning from last chapter to the tags.  
> i've been thinking about posting some stuff about the fic, maybe some meta about mcdanno and the canon on my tumblr so these chapter notes dont get as long as the chapter, but i dont feel really comfortable using the h50 or mcdanno tag on tumblr, so i might just tag the posts with "halfway h50 fanfic" if anyone wants to know, and if anyone wants to ask me anything about this fic over there you're more than welcome too!
> 
> as always, thanks for reading and thanks to everyone who commented so far, i always look forward to know what you guys think of this story!
> 
> ps: i also dont know if sweet sixteen parties are still a thing, im old guys


	14. Only time is ours, the rest we'll just wait and see

-

**INTERLUDE**

-

Steve McGarrett used to be a lot of things. Relentless and sometimes reckless, cunning, and if you would have asked Danny Williams, crazy. He still could be those things, but he wasn’t that person anymore.

He had the tendency to never do things halfway. He joined the Navy? He became a SEAL. His father sent him away when he was fifteen? Steve only saw him again until years later when Joe White told him to. His mother was murdered because of a clandestine investigation his father was doing on HPD and the Governor, tied to the Yakuza? Steve broke in the Governor’s office, watched her die, went to jail, and years later killed the man responsible for everything. Steve found out his mother faked her death? He tried so hard to let her in again. He created a task force, made up by people who just wanted a second chance at something? They became his family. Danny Williams punched him in the face? Steve would never let him go again. He found a kid who was being left behind by everyone? Steve adopted him.

He was used to being a lot of things to a lot of people. Nahele’s father. Doris’ son. Mary’s brother. To his Five-0 team, he was their leader. But also their friend. Family. And for the longest time, to Danny Williams, Steve was his friend, his partner. Until, Danny said “I’m in love with you”, and now Steve didn’t know what he was to him.

Like being in the ocean, feeling the undercurrent pulling you in with every wave, than pushing you back. Your feet losing their place in the sand bellow.

Steve was just trying to stay grounded.

Now, Danny Williams used to be a lot of things. Married, for a while. Horribly single, for what it seemed to be too long. In dead-end relationships, twice. At least. But he wasn’t those things anymore, or in those situations. Now it was completely different.

He had the tendency to never feel things halfway. He loved his daughter with all he had, he’d follow her anywhere she wanted. He loved his son with all he was, so he’d give him anything he could. Someone cut him in traffic, he’d scream his head off until he got tired. When he was frustrated, he’d scream. When he was angry, he’d scream. And ramble, and rant, until he ran out of words. When Steve told him to stop jamming his finger against his chest, than almost broke his arm? Danny punched him in the face in anger _and_ frustration.

When he was in love? It was like trying to stop the waves with your bare hands.

That’s what if felt like, loving Steve from across the room. Across a phone line. Across from each other. It felt like an impossible thing crashing inside of him, over and over.

Danny wanted and wanted and wanted. Over and over.

He wanted things to be less complicated. Less dangerous. For the stakes to not get higher and higher.

He wanted Chin to still be there, be there for Steve the same way Steve had been there for him. He wanted Kono to have their backs again, to make Hawaii feel like a living thing beneath their feet. 

He wanted Steve to find the peace he deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from the song i forget where we were, by ben howard (again, one more time, i love his songs) and I think is one of the most mcdanno - specially post 10x22 - song there is
> 
> I wrote this little interlude chapter to not leave you guys hanging for too long, but I'm still on my posting break i swear, this second part is being a doozy to write, there's three seasons left, but the last three seasons were such a mess in regards of having a steady plotline, this will probably get a little less canon compliant than the first part
> 
> thanks for reading and commenting and hope you guys enjoyed it!
> 
> ps: before i started plotting out this whole fic, it was supposed to start out just after Doris died in season 10, so the prologue had a few different bits, some I even re-used here in the interlude because they fit. But anyway, I was thinking about posting the original prologue text on my tumblr, so here it is [**here**](https://whateverfandomworks.tumblr.com/post/639755265474953216/ive-been-posting-a-hawaii-five-0-mcdanno-fix-it)


	15. Was it hell or high water that broke our hearts?

-

_Nahele’s birthday happened in three parts_

-

Danny Williams had all his socks. Steve was sure of it. He looked over his sock drawer, Nahele’s sock drawer, the hamper and the dryer, and found nothing. He was down to stretching out Nahele’s socks for the past two days.

Things without Chin and Kono were rough. There was only so much three guys and an special consultant could do when they had to run down three or four leads at the same time, or handle two cases in the same day. Hiring new people was another matter altogether. Steve needed to have a gut feeling about it. He combed through dozens of recruits’ files from the academy, detectives files, or people Lou recommended from his time with SWAT, and found nothing. Duke abstained himself from putting any names forward so he wouldn’t seem to be playing favorites.

And Danny…

Well, Danny had poured through the files with Steve, giving his usual commentary as background noise as Steve frowned at all the people he had no interest in hiring. It almost seemed like their usual routine.

But things with Danny were _different_.

The fact of the matter was, Danny Williams had his heart on his sleeve ever since he confessed his feelings for Steve, and it was getting harder and harder to act like it wasn’t affecting him. The way Danny’s eyes softened when they were talking, how his smile had this coy thing to it now, how Steve would say “hey, can you do me a favor”, and Danny would answer “Anything”, so earnestly it took Steve’s breath away every time, even though he only wanted to ask Danny something inane like getting in earlier the next day at work.

But even so, Steve still noticed Danny had pulled back. A wall between them that Steve built himself.

Steve could only imagine what if felt like, to put his feelings out there like that. Standing on Steve’s kitchen with their kids sleeping soundly upstairs, and to have him just stand there, blinking owlish at Danny.

Actually, he figured it probably felt like standing on his front porch, with a ring in his pocket as he watched a car drive away.

That night, Danny had looked at Steve surprised face, took in his silence, and said: _“I wasn’t waiting for a love confession, but any reaction would be nice”._

And Steve had cleverly mumbled: _“I, uh…”_.

 _“It’s okay, y’know? If you don’t feel the same way. I just wanted to say it. Put it out there, as it were”,_ Danny had cleared his throat, looking down at the space between them, something like blotches of pink appearing on his cheeks, “ _I just hope that this doesn’t change anything between you and me. We’re still partners. You’re still Uncle Steve to my kids. And, uh, you know, you never told me if you were – y’know, ‘_ on my team’ _, so I’m_ really _not expecting anything here…”_

 _“I can’t_ ”, Steve had interrupted Danny’s rambling, _“I mean, thanks, Danno, for telling me all this. I just – I can’t do this”_ , _wouldn’t_ , really.

He couldn’t believe he had just said “thanks” in reply to “I’m in love with you”.

Steve knew he loved Danny. Had been saying that to the guy for the last three years. _But was he_ in love _with Danny?_ Right then and there, Steve had no way of knowing. If Steve McGarrett was good in one thing, it was compartmentalizing. And his feelings for Danny? Were in a box inside his mind to be inspected when he didn’t have to deal with everything else going on in their lives at that moment.

Danny had narrowed his eyes at him for a second, his eyebrows trying not to meet in the middle.

He was hurt.

 _“Okay”,_ Danny had mumbled, _“Okay. I guess that’s it then, huh? I – uh, I’ll go fix up the couch, okay? Okay”_.

Steve had watched him turn his back and start to leave, had watched him go halfway through the doorway, before calling out: _“Bi. I, me, I’m bi, actually”_.

Danny turned to him, a mix in of surprise and sadness in his face, _“That actually makes this worse, but thanks for telling me anyway”_.

So, things were different now.

But not really.

Steve was maybe finally figuring out why everyone always assumed they were a couple.

Because they still did the same things as they always did. Taking care of their kids, bickering endlessly, having each other’s back, arguing nonsensically, being so used to each other they were almost capable of reading the other’s mind.

But they didn’t touch as much anymore. 

Steve first noticed the wall between them when they had been with Lou and Jerry by the smart table, discussing hiring new people but getting nowhere. Steve and Lou were arguing loudly about the kind of people they should be looking into, and out of the corner of his eye he had seen Danny’s hand come up halfway to his shoulder as he shouted for them to take a breather. Then he dropped it.

They didn’t talk about their personal lives as much either.

They always ended up talking about safe subjects. Or as safe as discussing life threating cases could be. So they talked about their kids a lot, their lives and the parental problems that came with it. Nahele’s plans for summer break to train with Steve so he could make it to quarterback the next school year. Charlie’s ongoing mess of custody. Grace’s tight schedule for summer break, splitting it between cheerleading and the Aloha Girls camp, because she was old enough to be a counselor, then splitting her free time between basically five houses – Danny’s, Steve’s, Grover’s, Rachel’s, and Stan’s.

But they wouldn’t talk about Rachel. About Danny’s retirement list. About Steve wanting to be a part of it. About Danny’s insomnia, even on days Steve could see that the night before had been hard.

About Steve making Lou Nahele’s potential guardian too.

He had gone by the Grover house with Nahele after dinner during the week. Nahele and Will had holed up in Will’s room to play some games and annoy Samantha into playing too, though she was already prepping for going to college by the end of their summer break.

Renée and Lou shared an exasperated look over the commotion coming from the teens’ rooms and invited Steve to sit in the porch.

“I love sitting here at night”, Renée confessed, looking up at the dark sky, “It’s always such nice weather”.

“Nothing like Chicago I imagine”, Steve offered as they sat.

“In the summer? Maybe”, she shrugged, “In the winter? I wouldn’t be caught in a porch outside at night even if you paid me”, she smiled, as did Lou.

“Not that I don’t like your company, but to what do we owe the pleasure of it?”, Lou asked with only a hint of a teasing tone to his voice.

Renée ribbed at him, “Don’t be rude. You’re more than welcome, Steve, as is Nahele”, she turned to him, curls framing her face with the movement.

Steve leaned forward, elbows to his knees as he tried not to fidget, “Well, I actually came here to ask you guys something”.

“Told ya”, Lou taunted, getting ribbed by Renée again, who made a “go on” motion with her hand.

Steve rubbed his hands together, “I don’t know how much Lou has told you, Renée, but things have been complicated at work. And a lot more dangerous, for me”, he said, and as Renée nodded and Lou gave him his undivided attention, Steve took a deep breath to keep talking, “And I was talking to Danny a while back, and I want to make sure that if anything happens to me, or to him, Nahele won’t be alone”.

“Now, wait a second – “, Lou started, frown creasing his face from his brows to his bald head.

“Lou”, Renée cautioned, hand on Grover’s in support. Steve watched the action for half a second too long.

“I don’t know the kind of danger I’m going to face with this threat. So I need to cover all my basis. This includes asking you guys to be Nahele’s guardians, temporary or otherwise, just in case”, Steve said, feeling his voice getting rougher from just the thought of leaving Nahele behind, “I know it’s a big favor –“.

“ _A favor?_ ”, Lou rumbled, “Seriously, McGarrett? This is a big thing, but I ain’t doing you no favors, c’mon. You’re my brother”.

“I think what he’s trying to say is ‘your kid is our kid’”, Renée added softly, reaching out her hand to Steve too.

Steve smiled before taking it.

So that had been it. Mr. Asano was already getting everything together to make it official.

Steve had a meeting with him – and Danny, because he had a nightmare of a custody battle to go through now with Rachel and Stan being divorced – the next day. And for that he needed his socks.

“Nahele!”, Steve called out, turning away from his dresser and poking his head into the kid’s room, “You haven’t by any chance seen any of my socks?”

Nahele was sat by his desk, face buried in his phone, frowning, before turning to Steve on the doorway.

“Danny said he was in love with you?”

For a second Steve didn’t know if the floor was still under his feet.

“What?”

Nahele eyes were guarded as he looked back and forth between Steve and his phone, the crease between his eyebrows getting more pronounced.

“Danny told Grace that he had feelings for you, and that he told you weeks ago”, Nahele said.

For a second Steve really hated this new dynamic Danny had where he told Grace everything too.

Steve gestured to Nahele’s bed and waited for his nod before coming in the bedroom and sitting down on it, facing Nahele on his desk chair.

“Well?’, Nahele pressed.

Steve inhaled sharply.

“He did. He did tell me that”, he answered.

Nahele’s eyes widened, “Now – now what? Did you say anything? I mean, or you, hm, you’re not…?”

Of all the things Steve thought he would have to do in his life, coming out to his son never even crossed his mind.

He cleared his throat, sniffed, twisted his mouth sideways, did all the little things he could to delay what he was about to say, “I am, yeah. Not straight, if that was what you were asking. Bisexual”.

Nahele cleared his throat too, “Okay, uh, cool”, he rubbed at his neck, “So, you and Danny…?”

“We’re not together, keiki”.

“What? Why? He loves you, right? You don’t –“.

Steve leaned forward over his knees, much like he had on Grover’s porch.

“Me and Danny _can’t_ be together. It’s –“.

“Can you please not say it’s complicated?”.

Steve snapped his mouth shut.

“You love him, don’t you?”, came the hard question, “Dad?”.

Steve felt himself have a deep breath as he stared at the ceiling.

“Sometimes that’s not all there is”.

“But –“

“Why are you so invested in this?”, Steve’s voice came out harsher than he intended to. He had to almost physically recoil, take a moment to calm down. “ _I mean_ , you seem really invested in this whole thing with Danny”.

Nahele seemed even more guarded than when Steve first came into the room. Steve took another breath.

Steve leaned back and offered his hand forward, patting the spot on the bed next to him with the other. Nahele stared at the gesture for a few quiet seconds before sitting down beside him, phone still in hand.

Steve stared at his son’s profile as he seemed to think things through.

“I want you to be happy. Like when I see you with Danny”, Nahele paused and did something that made Steve feel as if he had something crushing on his lungs. Nahele gnawed on his top lip. Just like Danny himself. Like Grace and Charlie had picked up on too, “And I guess I, well, and Grace too, thought it would be cool. If you guys got together”.

Steve snaked his arm across Nahele’s shoulders, pulling him in so he could kiss the curls on top of his son’s head.

“That’s very sweet, keiki”, he mumbled, “It’s just really bad timing. Maybe someday in the future we’ll make it work”.

Steve felt Nahele’s head turn to him as he said, “Yeah?”.

“Yeah”, Steve assured, even if it was an empty assurance just for his son, even if Nahele probably saw right through it. Even if maybe, Steve didn’t want it to be empty. “But nothing is changing, okay? I need you to understand that this doesn’t change things with you and Danny, or with us and Grace and Charlie. Me and Danny will always take care of you guys, no matter what”.

“Yeah, I know”, then, “Oh”.

Steve turned to him as Nahele stared at a notification on his phone.

“What?”

“Grace told me not to tell you that Danny told her”.

Steve squinted with his whole face, “Huh?”.

-

_“What?”_

“Wow, surround sound, that’s nice”.

Kono, on a skype call in the tablet in front of Danny, and Grace, by his side, both huffed.

“What do you mean Steve didn’t say anything?”, Kono pressed, bending forward in her seat. Danny guessed she couldn’t pull off looking threatening through a Skype call as well as in person.

“Well, he did say _something_ ”, Danny laughed dryly.

“What did he say?”.

Danny took a breath, “Thanks”.

Kono frowned at him, “You’re… welcome?”.

“No. _I_ said, _‘I’m in love with you’_ , and Steve answered with _‘thanks’_ ”.

Kono stared at him as owlishly as Steve had that night. Grace let out a bunch of undignified noises.

“ _’Thanks’_? That’s it?”, Grace questioned, high-pitched.

Danny turned to her then back to the tablet, “Well, he said _‘Thanks for telling me all this’_ , and some other things that amounted to _‘thanks, but no thanks’_ ”.

“So, he’s straight?”, Grace asked, making Danny wince because sounded too much like grown-up talk to be coming out of his daughter’s mouth.

“Uh, no, he’s, uh, like me”.

“Bi?”, Kono filled in.

“Yup”.

Kono winced too, “Sorry, brah, that sucks”.

“Yup”.

“But – but”, Grace stuttered, “So this is it? But you love him!”

Kono twisted her mouth, staring at Grace and Danny awkwardly, or at least it seemed so. It was hard to tell through the screen.

“I can’t _make_ Steve want this, Monkey”, he said, lowering his head a bit to stare Grace at her height.

“But he does! I know he does!”.

Danny sighed, “Well, until he tells me that himself, there’s not much I can do”.

“You have to woo him, Danno”.

Danny made a face, “This isn’t a Disney movie”.

“She has a point”, Kono offered unhelpfully.

“What?”.

Kono shrugged, “He didn’t actually told you _no_ , right?”.

 _I can’t do this_ , sounded a hell of a lot like a ‘no’ to Danny.

It sounded like something else too.

Kono took his silence as a sign as she kept talking, “So, that means…”

“You have to woo him!”, Grace repeated excitedly.

“Please stop saying _woo_ ”, Danny rubbed his hands against his face. Grace pouted. Danny rolled his eyes, “I’ll think about it. How about that?”.

Grace beamed and Kono rolled her eyes too.

And as they disconnected the call with Kono, Danny caught Grace typing furiously at her phone.

“Hey, hey, don’t go posting about this on your group-chat thing, okay? It’s very much a personal matter that has nothing to do with the other Five-0 kids. _Specially Nahele_ ”

Grace’s eyes were round like marbles.

“Uh”.

Danny hanged his head low with a deep breath.

“ _Grace_ , c’mon”.

“Sorry, Danno”, at least she looked remorseful, “I can ask Nahele not to bring it up with Uncle Steve?”.

Danny huffed, “Please do”.

Things with Steve were already weird enough without him knowing Danny was talking about their _thing_ to other people.

Danny completely lost his basis of reference on how to act around the guy. Sometimes he felt warm all over just being near him, then he’d remember Steve’s rebuttal and he felt as cold as the Jersey winter.

If Kono saw him now, “smitten” would not even begin to cover it.

And Danny might have always been a pessimist at heart, but for once he was thinking about what it be like, to “woo” Steve. Maybe trying to make it work. If anyone could do it on sheer force of will, it was them.

He shook himself.

First, he needed Steve to want this.

And until they found out more about the threat coming after Steve, Danny didn’t think he would.

So things were weird and hard, and every interaction between them was as tough to navigate as a mine field. Thank god for their kids. It was the one thing that could always act as a buffer when Danny didn’t know what to do or say.

As he grew in love with Steve, Danny may have been becoming more and more attached to Nahele and he couldn’t help it as much as he couldn’t help loving Steve the way he did.

Danny knew when the kid had therapy, what his classes were, he remembered Nahele’s last grades just as well as Grace’s, he was coming up with a list of things to do with him and his own kids on their summer break. Which led him to go down to Kamekona’s shrimp truck that week and offer the same thing he always did with Grace when she got an A on more than half of her classes, something he’d been doing ever since she was eleven and they lived on that awful island.

“You want to go surfing?”, Nahele asked him dubiously, staring down at him as he stood by the picnic table Danny was sitting, waiting for Grace and Steve.

“Well, not necessarily”, Danny explained, “You see, I offered Grace”, he gestured to Grace who was on the line with Steve by the shrimp truck, “An opportunity to choose something she wanted to do and that I couldn’t say no to. She always just wanted to go surfing, so it’s kind of tradition at this point. But, if you don’t wanna do that, we can do something else, all of us, me, your dad, maybe Charlie can come too. You can pick anything you want”.

Nahele looked stunned for a second.

“Oh. You’d do that? Just for a bunch of grades?”

Danny gestured to the seat in front of him and Nahele sat down almost robotically, “ _Good_ grades. _Great_ grades. And I talked to Steve”, he had been making a list of safe subjects to fill in the silences when he was alone in the car with Steve, “And he thought it was a great idea, probably because we already know you’re so smart that it’s not even a question you’re gonna get the grades”, Nahele scrunched his nose, “So, what do you say?”.

Nahele seemed to mull it over in his head, “Why are you offering me if you already know I’m gonna get the grades?”.

Danny leaned forward on the picnic table, “Because this isn’t just a reward system to make you study. You’re a good kid, you work hard, you study a lot, you deserve an opportunity to wind down if you want”, Nahele casted his eyes down, “I always say the same thing to Grace, okay? It’s important that you know we see the effort you’re putting out”.

“We?”

Danny stopped then, caught off guard. He probably shouldn’t be referring to him and Steve as a “we”.

He cleared his throat forcefully, “Yeah, uh, you with your dad, me with my kids. Me and your dad with all you guys. Y’know”.

“Uh huh”, Nahele deadpanned, “I guess we can go surfing, yeah, it’d be nice, it’s been a while since I last surfed, the waves by the house aren’t that good”.

It was a toss-up, to when Nahele would refer to his and Steve’s house as his home.

“You sure? Because we’re already going for Grace anyway, so you’d just get another hour of me trying not to complain about sharks and seaweed”.

The kid smiled, then lowered his head, staring at his hands over the table with a thoughtful look on his face.

“Well…”, he began, “Maybe you can teach me to play baseball? Dad’s already said he’s helping me train for the new football season this summer, and Grace got me hooked on hockey, so learning baseball could be cool too. I mean, you offered, last year – with Makaio”.

Danny smiled softly, “You know, I wouldn’t say no to that even if you got F’s on your whole reports card, right?”.

Nahele let out something between a laugh and a giggle.

“What’s so funny?”, Grace asked as she and Steve sat down on the table, her besides Danny and Steve besides Nahele, “And aren’t you supposed to be working?”, she asked, taking a huge bite of her shrimp burrito as she levelled Nahele with a look.

Danny was the one who waved her off, just as Nahele started to scramble to get up, “He’s fine. We were discussing what to do with your Free-of-Danno-ranting activity”.

Steve snorted, “Free-of-Danno-ranting? Really?”.

Danny ignored him, “Nahele wants to learn baseball”.

Steve started to smile to his son, then frowned at Danny, “That doesn’t count. You’d do that anyway”.

“What do you mean it doesn’t count? He picked, _it counts!_ ”.

“Uh huh, sure, Danno”.

Danny opened his mouth to rebuff, but Nahele talked over him.

“Maybe we could do it on my birthday”, then he stopped himself, like maybe he didn’t mean to say that, which made everyone turn to him then.

Steve was white as a sheet.

Danny did the math in his head, because sure enough, with everything else going on in their lives, apparently, they forgot Nahele’s birthday was coming up.

“Your birthday?”, Steve asked, “You don’t want a party like Grace’s?”

Nahele looked down, “Nah, it’s fine”.

Steve and Danny shared a look, then another one with Grace.

Danny sighed, “Don’t worry about it, kid, I’ll play baseball with you everyday this summer if you want”.

-

“He _has_ friends, Uncle Steve”, Grace said from the backseat as they drove away from the shrimp truck to let Nahele work in peace, and so she could go home and study.

Steve shared a sideways look with Danny.

“Well, I’ve never seen them”, he said and heard Grace huff.

“They’re not really _close_ friends”, Grace said, “As far as me and Will can tell, Makaio was his best friend, he wasn’t really that close with the other kids in his grade, he mostly hangs out with the football team”.

“Is he – “, Steve should really ask that to Nahele himself, “Is he talking about that with the therapist? About Makaio?”.

Grace paused, “Dunno, sorry”.

“Maybe if he changed schools?”, Danny offered, “Maybe is a mental block, because of the school”.

Steve really didn’t want to take Nahele out of Kukui. That was _his_ school.

“No, no, no, you can’t do that”, Grace intervened, squeezing herself between the two front seats, “He’s really excited about making to QB this year, in another school he might not get the same chance”.

Danny let out a loud breath, “That’s true”.

Steve didn’t need to turn to know Danny was biting his lip, just like _all_ _their_ kids seemed to do.

Steve also couldn’t believe he was taking parenting advice from fifteen-year-old Grace. She was smart and sharp, but still very much a teen herself.

“What can I do, Grace?”, he asked, staring out at the traffic ahead as he made his way to his house.

He heard Grace hum, could almost hear the gears turning in her head as she leaned against the headrest of his seat.

“You could get more involved with the school?”, she offered, “Like, make nice with the other parents, get to know the other kids in the school through them. You and Nahele are pretty close, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind”.

“Hey, we’re pretty close, you never ask _me_ to be a part of your school”, Danny argued, turning on his seat to stare at his daughter.

“That’s because I know you, Danno”.

“She’s gotta point”, Steve mumbled, just to rile him up.

“ _A point?_ And what _point_ is that?”

Steve snickered but didn’t say anything, as he knew Grace would take over the argument because the Williams’ never met an argument they didn’t like.

“Well, you keep spying on me, for one”, she said.

Which ensued a debate that went back and forth until Steve parked in front of his house, got out of the car, and could still hear it as Danny drove away.

Steve watched them go for a second.

As he got inside the house to get a head start on dinner, Steve started making a list of things he could do to help Nahele at school.

Four months before when the adoption went through, hell, when this whole thing started, Steve’s whole plan to help Nahele in school was to keep up with his homework, help with football, and go to parent-teachers’ nights. He didn’t really consider there was more to Nahele’s school life than that.

_What else was there anyway?_

Steve huffed and puffed and realized his mental checklist was empty because he had no idea what to put in there.

So he called Danny.

“Miss me already, babe?”, Danny said as he picked up.

Which was a completely normal thing for him to say. A month ago Steve wouldn’t have batted an eye on the line. Now…

He moved out of the kitchen and to the lanai, sitting by the hammock. Steve had to clear his throat before coughing out a “Hm, no, yeah, I’m just thinking about what Grace said”, he rubbed at his forehead, feeling the wrinkles there as he frowned, “I don’t really know what to do actually. I can’t just go up to other parents unprompted, right? That’s just crazy. It’s crazy, right? Am I overthinking this?”.

He heard Danny snort over the phone, “You kinda are, babe. And I told you that was my thing. You really have to get your own thing”, he teased, “There’s a bunch of things you can do really, these schools are always roping parent into doing things, mostly giving an excuse that it’ll help their kid get into college”.

He considered pushing the hammock to swing it lightly but didn’t think the motion would help with his sudden anxiety. He already felt lightheaded.

 _He needed to think about college_.

“Yeah, college”, Danny said, like he could tell Steve was freaking out, “You should probably talk to the principal, or whoever runs the PTA, to find out exactly what you can do. But y’know, the PTA is already something. Don’t do that face”.

Steve only realized he was frowning when Danny pointed it out.

“How did you know I was making a face?”

“How? Because I know _you_ ”, he said in mock-annoyance, “And your goofy head who wouldn’t want to be in the PTA if it killed you”.

Steve shrugged even if Danny couldn’t see it, “Oh, like you would, huh? It’s just a bunch of over-excited parents, right?”.

Danny made a high-pitched sound before saying, “Sometimes. If you’re lucky there will be a healthy mix. But as I said, there’s going to be a lot of things aside from the PTA to get involved in. Fundraisers, bake sales, chaperoning dances and trips, you could even volunteer to help out during their football practices I think”.

Steve breathed out easier, feeling the wind from the ocean bring in the smell of salt and sand.

He could do this.

He had needed a plan, and Danny had just given him one.

“Well, you’ll have time to think about it anyways, not like you can do anything _now_ ”, Danny kept on talking.

“ _What?_ Why not?”, he asked, trying to sit up, but the hammock moved awkwardly beneath him.

Danny paused for a beat.

“Steve, it’s _June_. School will be out _in a week_ , how do you plan to be involved with no one there, huh? You putz”.

Steve sighed loudly.

“Why am I always playing catch up?”, he snapped without really meaning to.

“Whoa, what’re you talking about?”

“I never seem to be able to do the right thing at the right time, Danny! Not with Nahele’s grief about his dad, about Makaio, about therapy, with _this_. I’m always one step behind”.

_With Michelle Shioma, with this threat over our heads._

_With you_.

“I’ve been thinking about this since the beginning of the year, and I’m only doing something about it _now_ ”

There was a silence on the line and Steve tried focusing on the sound coming from the ocean, the waves crashing, the wind blowing through the water’s surface until it hit the sand.

“Did I ever tell you about the day Grace was born?”, Danny threw him off with the question.

“What – I, I don’t think so”.

Steve heard him take a breath, “I locked the keys in the car”, he said lowly, “We were getting out of the hospital, I went to bring the car around, and I realized the keys were still inside. And I came back to the hospital, waiting for the triple-a guy to show up, and I felt _like a schmuck_. I made the nurses show me how to swaddle maybe a thousand times because I was just stalling. I checked with the doctor another thousand times, pretending I wanted to make sure it was safe to bring Grace home”, Danny laughed lightly, “My point is, there’s a learning curve here, okay? And I know for a fact I told you this before, so maybe this time you’ll listen to me, yeah? You’ve been a father for what? Four months, officially? A couple more since the whole adoption thing started to kick in? _You’re gonna lock the keys in the car, Steve_ , it’s normal. It’s _okay_. What matters is that Nahele knows you’re trying to get them out. You can’t be _SuperDad_ from the get-go”.

Steve remembered being in the hospital, screaming at Danny and being yelled at in return.

_“I don’t wanna hurt the kid, Danny”._

Danny always seemed to know what Steve needed to hear. Not what he _wanted_ to hear, but what he _needed_.

“Steve? You still there?”

Steve cleared his throat again, “Hm, yeah, yeah. I… thanks, Danno. I just keep getting blindsided by how much work this parenting thing actually takes”, he said, mostly because he knew it would make Danny laugh.

“Welcome to the club, buddy. The blindsided feeling never really ends”.

Steve hummed, settling back down against the rough fabric of the hammock.

“What’re you gonna do about Nahele’s birthday by the way?”, Danny asked after a beat of silence.

Steve wondered if it should be this easy to tell when the other person didn’t want to hang up just yet. If it should be this easy to be able to read Danny like that.

“He doesn’t want a party, so I guess not that”, he mumbled, staring at the wooden beams of the lanai ceiling as he started rocking himself from side to side, “I just want him to have a _good day_ , y’know? It’s on a Saturday so I might try getting Kamekona to give him the day, I’ll figure out something nice we can do”.

“Oh, _you’ll figure out_? Seriously, that’s what you can come up with?”

“Well, what you want me to do, Danny? I don’t have a base of reference here! It’s not like I even remember my birthdays before Doris faked her death”.

Steve could _see_ Danny rolling his eyes as if the man was right in front of him.

“Unbelievable”, Danny grumbled.

“I could ask Grace? Right?”, Steve tried, “I’m sure the Five-0 kids will think of something”.

“I can’t believe we’ve been reduced to asking _teenagers_ for advice”.

Steve smiled, closing his eyes, “Yeah, well”.

He barely noticed the sun starting to come down as they talked and talked.

Steve kinda felt like a teenager himself. Holding on to the phone cord, Doris screaming in the kitchen for him to hang up because she needed to make a call, Mary ending up tripping on the cord if Steve got distracted and moved around to much, stretching it behind him.

He felt even more like a teen when his actual teenage sun came through the lanai doors and quietly asked, “So, hm, should I get a start on dinner?”.

And Steve took the phone from his ears in the middle of a Danny rant, looked at the clock and cursed before unceremoniously hanging up with only: “Hey, gotta go, bye, Danno”.

Steve struggled to sit up on the hammock as it kept shifting under him, when he finally got up he turned to Nahele with as an apologetical look as he could muster, “Sorry, keiki, lost track of time. How about we order in, huh?”.

Nahele smiled scrunching his nose, “That’s cool too”.

By the time the food got there – Steve had been trying out a bunch of new restaurants on the island with Nahele and they had been on an Indian Food bender for the last month – Nahele had showered, Steve had made two smoothies, and they ate on the dining room, lanai doors opened so the strong smell of paprika and curry wouldn’t permeate the house too much.

“Can I work on the car? After dinner?”, Nahele asked with hesitance.

Steve munched on his food for a moment before saying, “It’s pretty late, why you feel like doing this now?”.

Nahele shrugged, staring at his food as he moved it around his plate, “Helps me think”.

Steve gulped, “Want company?”.

At that Nahele’s eyes flickered to him for a second, “Nah, it’s fine”.

“Just be careful, okay?”.

Nahele nodded.

After dinner Steve went to living room, going through dozens of sites that explained how to “get more involved in your kid’s school life”, as he first watched Nahele walk out, now wearing a worn-out shirt and with a dozen or so rags sticking out of his cargo shorts’ pockets.

The night went on with Steve only listening to the quiet tinkering, the sound of scrapping metal, clinking tools against car parts and bits.

Steve waited until it was 10p.m. and there wasn’t a sign of Nahele resurfacing from the garage.

He stopped on the garage door for a while, the same one Danny used to scream at him when they first met.

Nahele was leaning on the open hood of the car, staring at it much like Steve seemed to do too. Like he was just doing busy work, really, his mind only half studying the mess of metal parts in front of him.

Steve cleared his throat before speaking.

“Hey, uh, do you remember when we met?”.

Nahele turned to him, confused expression on his face as he put down the wrench he’d been holding and leaned against the car.

“Yeah”.

Steve stepped closer to go fully in the garage, but he leaned against the counter in front of Nahele.

“You wanna know why I let you go with just a warning? When you stole this car?”

Nahele’s eyes widened, mouth agape as he nodded frantically.

Steve smiled faintly.

“I stole a car when I was sixteen”, he confessed, already half expecting the way Nahele seemed to freeze for a second before letting out an incredulous:

“ _You stole a car?”_

Steve kept smiling, “Just like you”, he said, “When my father sent me away to the academy, in Carlsbad, in the mainland, I was – I just wanted to get back home, you know? To Hawaii. So I stole a car, and I don’t even remember what my next move was, but just as I was about to get to the interstate, I got pulled over”.

Nahele looked at him with expectant eyes as Steve talked.

“And I’m pretty sure I must have had a dozen panic attacks at the station, waiting to hear what was gonna happen to me then. A sixteen-year-old kid, stealing a car, no license? That doesn’t just disappear. But next thing I knew, the academy people came, picked me up, and that was that. I’m still not sure who stepped in for me, though I have a pretty good idea. I got a warning when I arrived at the campus and went back to my life”, he took a breath, “You see, none of _this_ ”, he gestured between the two of them, “Would’ve happened if I had been sent to juvie or if I had that charge on my record permanently. And I looked at you, sitting at my office, and you were, still are, just a kid. And I wanted you to have the same chance I’d been given”.

Nahele sniffed, nodding as he looked down.

He twisted his hands against the closest rag he could find, and Steve waited him out.

Then he had to nudge Nahele with: “What’s on your mind, keiki?”

Nahele inhaled sharply.

“I just feel like I should be _fixed_ by now”, Nahele said, eyes still down, “This is the best life I could’ve imagined for me after mom died. And I don’t understand – I don’t get why I’m still…”, he made a sound like a grunt, but didn’t finish.

Steve had something coming up his throat, like a cold pit chocking him.

“Did you talk to Dr. River about this?”, he whispered, trying to keep his voice levelled.

Nahele sniffed again, still twisting the rag in his hands, “Yeah. She keeps saying it’s expected after – after my dad? And mom. Makaio”, his voice got lower and lower as he named the people he lost, “And she gives me this mental exercises? Some days they work, some don’t. And I – I’m just so tired. And I don’t want to be ungrateful, because you gave me this nice house, and a room with furniture _I_ picked out, but, the whole adoption thing was really hard. I know I never said anything about it. I didn’t want you to feel bad when you were already doing so much. But then Danny was talking about doing this really nice thing, and I – I mentioned my birthday, and I don’t know, I just started to think about everything that happened since last year, but then I realized I was just _stuck_ again, feeling miserable and worked up for nothing again”.

Steve was breathing shallowly as Nahele talked, hands gripping at the counter behind him, eyes watching for all the way his son was so like Steve himself.

“Hey”, Steve murmured to the space between them, Nahele took a second before looking back at him, tense shoulders and guarded eyes, “Do you believe me when I say you don’t need fixing?”, Nahele made a face like he was in pain before nodding, “Would you believe if I said I agree with Mrs. River then? It takes times. Grief takes time and it’s unpredictable. _I know this_ , okay? And you can always talk to me when something is bothering you, it doesn’t matter if I’m gonna get hurt by it, it’s not your job to worry about that, but it’s my job to make sure you’re _okay_ ”.

Nahele looked scared as he stared back at him, and Steve was transported back in time.

The look in Freddy Hart’s eyes as he was about to ring a bell that would end his naval career, would end his chance to make his father proud.

The way his eyes squinted against the rain as Steve told him his father was already proud. How that seemed to weigh on his shoulders at the same time it lifted something else off.

“Can we go inside?”, Nahele’s voice brought him back.

Steve looked around for a second, “Yeah, sure”.

Nahele lowered the hood of the marquis carefully as Steve made his way inside the car.

They sat in silence for a while, not really inclined to fill it like the Williams’ were. Nahele’s breathing was loud in the confined space. As minutes ticked by the windshield started to condense with their breaths.

“Me being more involved with your school life”, Steve started, “Would it help with you feeling more comfortable there? With getting closer to the other kids?”.

Steve held out his hand before Nahele had a chance to answer, but he still heard the sharp breath the kid took in surprise by the question, before putting his hand on Steve’s.

“It’s not that I’m _uncomfortable_. I just – I had Makaio. So I never had to get closer to anybody there before. Now… now it just seems forced. Like they would only be my friends out of pity, and I kinda already thought that before, with me being a foster kid for so long”, he scrunched his nose, “I guess it’ll be okay, if you wanted to do some stuff in the school. I mean, when school starts up again, right? Not right now?”.

Steve huffed, “No, not right now”, Steve bent his head so he could take a proper look at his son, “You’re a great kid, any kid in Kukui would be lucky to call you their friend. I know I’m biased, but you gotta trust me on this”, he watched as Nahele started to begrudgingly smile, “I just want you to have people you can depend on, your own age, your own little Ohana”.

At that Nahele looked at him with more attention, “I have. I have Grace, and Will, and Sam too”.

“I know. But –“

“Yeah, I know. I get it. I have some guys on the team that are cool and we share some classes”, Nahele interrupted him.

Steve hummed, trying to feel better about the whole thing.

“Can I ask you something?”, Nahele asked after a beat.

“Hm? Yeah, of course, keiki”.

Steve felt his heart give a tug as Nahele gnawed on his lip again.

“Were you and your dad close?”

Steve almost snorted.

“Not much. Why you ask?”.

Nahele shrugged, looking at the dashboard in front of them, “You always seem to know the right thing to say”.

At that Steve smiled, slow and easy, “That’s all Danny”, Nahele turned back to Steve, surprised, “And Lou. But with Danny, I just have watched the guy be a parent through mostly every situation at this point, and he may be explosive and a bit too quick to react sometimes, but when he comes through, he’s spot on. You can ask Grace”.

“No, I – I believe you”.

Nahele squeezed his hand.

Steve squeezed back.

-

_Nahele’s birthday, Part One: The gift_

-

“Benny Lung, strangled to death at Aloha State campus”, Lou briefed them as Jerry started pulling up files on the smart table.

“We got anyone for this?”, Steve asked, arms crossed, staring at Lung’s surprised final face.

 _What an awful expression to get stuck on for eternity_ , Danny thought.

“Some hacker”, Lou answered, “We just know his hacker handle though, Mizchief, with a Z”

“A Z?”, Danny asked, narrowing his eyes at him with a grimace, “Like a rapper?”.

Lou rolled his eyes at him, “Sure”.

“Why’s the hacker connected to this?”, Steve asked.

“We found some conversations online between the two of them, apparently Lung was helping this Mizchief with something”.

“I guess either he couldn’t deliver, or Mizchief didn’t like a loose end, huh?”, Danny speculated.

“Yeah, and from what CSU could gather, they were operating on campus, so there might be a chance Mizchief either attends school there or is still using it for whatever they were planning”, Lou kept briefing them.

“Does this mean undercover work?” Jerry asked excitedly.

“Probably”, Steve answered, turning to him, “Not for you though, Jerry. If Mizchief is as smart as he seems, he’ll probably make you as a cop”.

“I’m not a cop”.

“You’re Five-0, that’s worse”, Lou pointed out.

“So, who’s going undercover, then?”, Danny wondered, “I _refuse_ to be Jeffries again”.

Steve and Lou shared a smirk.

“We have to figure that out still, maybe we’ll reach out to Toast. Until then, we can do some deep diving on Lung’s life, right, Jerry?”, Steve prompted, hand landing on Jerry’s shoulder. The guy had a forlorn expression to his face as he mumbled.

“Sure, boss”.

Steve pushed himself away from the table and went for his office. Danny watched him for a second before following, even if he still stopped by the doorway as Steve sat down.

“Yeah?”, Steve asked as he noticed Danny standing there.

Danny crossed his arms in front of his chest lazily, “You know, Chin and Kono had all the contacts for this kind of job, maybe it’s worth giving them a call”.

Steve huffed, “Yeah, probably”.

Danny narrowed his eyes at him, “Why you grumpy?”.

“I’m not a child, I’m not _grumpy_ ”.

“Uh huh, why you grumpy?”, and before he could answer, Danny guessed, “Nahele?”.

Steve sighed louder now, hands coming up to rub at his face. It was Steve usual “ _I’m overwhelmed_ ” move.

“We _talked_. He opened up about a lot of things. But I just keep coming back to his birthday, y’know? It’s in the end of next week, and since it’s not gonna be a big thing, I figured, I’ll double down on the gift, right?”.

“You have no idea what to give him”, Danny guessed again.

“How did – “

“Buddy, who you’re talking to? I _know you_ ”, _I’m literally_ in love _with you_ , “And teenagers are hard, but Nahele must be easy right? Does he have his own computer? Or maybe a videogame? I’m pretty sure he’d be happy with almost anything, babe”.

Steve just grumbled some more.

“That’s the _problem_. A computer or a videogame, it’s both things I can give him without it _having to be_ his birthday. I want something really special”.

Danny shrugged then, “Don’t know what to tell you then. I’m horrible at gift giving”.

“What? You gave me that guitar. I loved that”.

Danny felt himself smile softly, “Yeah, well, I have my moments I guess, but Grace would beg to differ”, and he was about to point out that Rachel had returned or exchanged most of all the things he ever gotten her, but Danny clamped his mouth shut before he could. Talking about Rachel was dangerously close to talking about _other things_.

“I’ll figure something out”, Steve said, half smile on his face as he fake annoyance, “Can you call Kono? About the under-cover thing? I’ll call Chin”.

And that was how not even five minutes later, Danny had Kono screaming into the receiver, “TANI REY!”, half intelligibly, because he forgot about time zones and she had been sleeping, “Dude, you gotta get her for this!”

Danny winced at the high-pitched, excited, but almost incoherent words.

“Who’s that again?”.

Kono groaned, maybe yawned, “That girl from the video I showed you. Who punched Captain Keo”.

“Oh, right. She’s not a cop though”.

“I wasn’t one either when Steve recruited me”.

“Yeah, but you were in the academy”.

“So was she!”, Danny had to wince again.

“She got _kicked out_ , Kono”.

“I’m telling you, okay? She’s right for this”.

Danny sighed, leaning back against his office chair, and peering into Steve’s office as the guy paced around talking to Chin.

“You’re not letting this go until I say I’ll talk to her, right?”

There was a gurgle-like laugh on the line, “Yup”.

“ _Fine_ , Kalakaua, you win”.

“Always do”.

They said their goodbyes, or at least Danny tried to, because the next second he was sure he heard Kono snoring, and he hang up.

He went to brief the guys about Tani, Steve had some back-up options in case it didn’t pan out, Jerry tracked her down, and one hour later Steve and Danny were at the Hilton, witnessing the hotel lifeguard getting exponentially more pissed at rogue kids running around and jumping on the pools.

Which was probably a good indication on how their conversation was gonna go.

It didn’t help that Steve was also not on his A game to try and charm her into joining their operation.

Tani Rey was clearing not buying what they were selling, very cynically dismissing their attempts at reasoning why they wanted her, or why they thought she was good for the job.

“You guys are Five-0, you could have a pick at anyone, why me?”, Tani asked, a frown etched on her face ever since they sat down, leaning over the table on her elbows.

Steve sighed, “Well, we need a cop who doesn’t think like a cop. And, uh -”, he paused, looking at Tani’s eyes, “You were recommended to us, by someone who is a better judge of character than anyone else I know”.

“Recommended?”, Tani questioned, eyes narrowing.

“Kono Kalakaua”, Danny said, and Tani turned to him, “Used to be Five-0, is now on the mainland dismantling a sex trafficking ring. She had been keeping up with your progress in the academy until you washed out”, and for the first time in that interaction, Tani didn’t look angry or annoyed at them, “She wanted to recruit you as soon as you graduated. Obviously that never happened, _but_ when this assignment came, she still recommended you”.

But then Tani laughed dryly, “The last thing HPD wants is see me wearing a badge. I _cheated_ on the written exam, and I’m sure you know everything else that happened”.

Steve started to turn to his Commander voice as he said, “I don’t _care_ about everything else. And we know your father had died before everything went down with the exam and Captain Keo. I’m sorry to bring that up, but I feel like your reaction then is more understandable.”, Steve said, as Tani looked taken aback, “Eight years ago I sat across from an ex-cop who said exactly the same thing as you’re saying now. His name was Chin Ho-Kelly. Now he’s in San Francisco, running his own task force.”

And for a second, Danny thought they got through to her, but then she raised an eyebrow just slightly, a corner of her mouth twisted in sarcasm as she said.

“I’m sorry. Aloha”.

Then Tani walked away.

Steve groaned loudly, head hanging over the chair’s back.

“That went well”, Danny said.

Steve groaned louder.

-

They should probably start giving out free therapy for the people they roped into working with them. Alicia Brown was kidnapped by a serial killer, before Jerry joined in, he got involved in a bunch of dangerous situations, now Tani, who was almost burned alive in the middle of a wildfire as Steve rescued them like he was the freaking Wizard of Oz.

But, she was smart, brash, stubborn and just a little bit crazy. Just like Steve. So it wasn’t really a surprise when he called up everyone for a meeting at HQ to discuss bringing her in officially for Five-0.

“You get your gut feeling?”, Danny teased, because it made Steve smile.

“When Kono’s right, she’s right”, Lou offered, shaking his head.

Steve smiled wider, “I’ll brief the Governor and give Tani a call”.

But in all fairness to the harrowing experience they had had the day before, Danny didn’t think a phone call would cut it. Which ensued on him asking Jerry to find out where Tani lived and making his way there that afternoon.

He found her sitting on the steps of her front porch, back against the railing. Her house a bright, happy yellow, an unkempt garden with tall trees covering it in shade. It all looked peacefully lived in. Though if Tani’s bright personality was any indication, it was probably more _wildly_ lived in than anything else. Probably just as Danny’s home was, back in New Jersey, with dents and unexplainable holes on the walls, stains on couch cushions that never washed out.

They talked, Danny tried showing her what Five-0 really meant for them, what Steve had started seven years ago.

He could hear in his own voice though, in his words. How smitten he sounded. If he’d been talking to Kono she’d never let him live it down. Thankfully, Tani seemed blessedly oblivious to Danny’s innermost feelings for Steve.

“And, uh, we have kids. I mean, I have two kids, Steve has a kid of his own, Nahele, that Steve adopted earlier this year”, he rambled on, Tani raised her eyebrows in surprise, “Yeah, he’s a good one. Anyway, Lou has kids too, and what I’m trying to say is, this team is more than just a work thing, okay? For us, anyway. We’re family. At least, I treat Nahele a bit like my own. Don’t tell Steve that. Though he treats my kids like his too”.

Tani smiled, her face lighting up with it.

“What about Lou’s kids?”.

Danny shook his head from side to side, “Well, his son is dating my daughter, so I don’t think I’m allowed to treat him like my own”, he said, making her laugh.

“Very tight-knit group, huh?”, she said, still smiling.

“You’ll fit right in”.

“I haven’t said anything yet, about the offer”, she pointed out, but the glint in her told him she was messing with him.

He had a feeling that would happen a lot in the future.

By the time night fell, Danny and Grace made their way to Steve’s house so he could pass on his conversation with Tani.

Grace had been needling Steve from time to time ever since Danny told her about his unrequited love confession. Small things like asking Steve about dating when she thought Danny wasn’t listening or trying to get Steve to ask them to spend the night when they had no reason to, but Steve was always too dense to play into her hand.

And when needling didn’t work, she’d try talking Danny up, like, “That’s a really pretty shirt Danno’s wearing, huh, Uncle Steve?”, which made Danny blush furiously and Steve to blink owlish at Danny’s simple black t-shirt.

All in all, it was making going to the McGarrett house a much more stressful experience than it should be.

When they finished dinner, Danny was more than thankful that Nahele pulled Grace away to watch TV, though that meant being alone with Steve in the kitchen after Grace spent twenty minutes coming in hard.

“So, uh, did you think about Nahele’s gift yet?”.

If there was one thing Danny could use to diffuse a situation, it still was talking about their kids.

-

Tani’s first few cases were easy, thankfully, but by the end of the week there was a shootout with DEA task force that left two agents dead and a service dog injured, and it ended up in a huge drug bust of cocaine smuggled on wine bottles.

It also left Steve to figure out what to do with the dog.

Eddie.

“You had something to do with this, didn’t you?”, Danny accused him.

“Do with _what_?”, Steve asked, already starting to laugh, because that was Danny’s _“I’m being ridiculous”_ face.

“With what? _The dog_. The dog that you gonna get with the same name as my dad”.

Now Steve was snickering, “How could I even have something to do with it? I didn’t _name_ the dog, Danny. And for the record, I’m not keeping him”.

“Oh yeah? Where you going after this?”, he gestured to the storage facility they just successfully raided, the media people slowly clearing it after Duke’s statement.

“Well, _we’re_ going to HQ to return our tack gear and sign everything off with HPD, thank you very much”.

Danny grunted, “Yes, you animal, but after that?”.

“I’m going _home_ , Danny, what’s your point?”.

“Ah-ha, my point is this. _You_ are going home, home in which your son resides, and what do you think he’s gonna do as soon as he sees this dog? Does the words ‘ _can we keep him?’_ , ring any bells?”.

“ _We’re_ not keeping the dog”.

Danny huffed a laugh.

“Sure, babe, whatever you say”, and Steve would be a fool if he thought that would be it, because not five seconds later as they escorted the HPD van with the drugs back to the precinct, Danny went on, “And I can see you’re attached to Eddie here”, he pointed to the backseat, where Eddie was laying down, “For all the talks you’re a cat person, you finally caved with this one”.

Steve rolled his eyes, “I did not _cave_. I’m very much still a cat person, _Daniel_ , Eddie’s just a really special dog”.

“Uh huh”, Danny then twisted in his seat to look at Eddie, “Welcome to the family, buddy”.

Which made Steve grumble, “He’s not staying”.

Which was a resolution Steve was sticking to. That was, until Eddie came bundling through the house’s door, sniffing everything, just as Nahele was coming down the stairs.

Nahele’s eyes were round as he stared at Eddie from the stairs, the dog making his rounds on the living room, nose to the floor.

“Comman – Dad?”, Nahele’s voice was up. He still called Steve Commander from time to time, depending on the situation, mostly in situations like that, where he saw a dog enter his house and didn’t know if he should be excited or not.

And, _oh fuck, Danny was right_. Steve could see the man already laughing at him.

“Hey, keiki. This is Eddie”, he said, needlessly pointing at the dog, “Hey, Eddie, come say hi!”, Steve commanded excitedly, which took Eddie’s nose off the floor as he bundled towards the stairs and to Nahele’s legs as he came down the steps, “He’s a service dog, from a case I was working today. His handler didn’t make it”.

Nahele turned to him from he was crouching on the floor, scratching at Eddie’s fur, “Oh. So he’s, uh – he’s not…”, a look of utter disappointment on his face.

Steve was ready to be laughed at by Danny because the next words out of his mouth was, “Do you _want_ to keep him?”.

And Nahele’s face lit up, “Like an early birthday present?”.

Steve started to squint with his face, “What? Uh, I didn’t pay for him, keiki, he can’t be your birthday gift”.

But Nahele shook his head, smiling so wide his eyes were shut and his nose scrunched up.

“No, it’s fine! I always wanted a dog, this is perfect, dad!”.

Steve couldn’t say no to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song Hell or High Water, by Passenger
> 
> This chapter is set aroun 8x01 and 8x02!  
> And wooh, i didn't mean to spend basically all of january without posting anything aside from the interlude, so I got this chapter ready. I normally would have more chapters drafted out first before posting, because I keep coming back to fix things while I'm writing, but I'm pretty happy with the plot for this chapter, so I though i'd post it! But I might start doing bi-weekly updates, I'm not sure, I'll see how it goes on this end, it's been a little tough to write lately  
> I like the idea of Nahele's anxieties being an up and down thing that don't get magically solved, though sometimes I think I'm just writing the same plot twice. Also the idea of Danny and Steve awkwardly brushing past Danny's love confession was living in my head rent free  
> because it's just so them, because nothing can stop the fact that these guys actually loved each other as friends first, they wouldn't know how not to be in each other's pockets, even if awkwardly.
> 
> Anyway, i missed rambling here. Hope you guys liked this comeback chapter!


	16. Time runs against me

-

_Nahele’s birthday, Part Two: The party’s guests_

-

“See right there? Me and our linebacker came up with that play”, Steve said, pointing at the TV where his younger self was running around, 5-0 etched to his jersey’s back.

Nahele had been enraptured by the games for the last hour, only absent mindedly scratching Eddie’s ears on the couch every time the dog whined and scratched at his leg for stopping with the motion.

Steve was explaining the games, how they used to make plays and work with their coach. Nahele seemed to thrive on research and one second away from going upstairs to get a notepad to write everything down.

“Now, look at the opposite team’s play, okay? Pay attention to number 18, I still hate him for what he’s about to –“, Steve was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Nahele made to get up, but Steve beat him to it, “Hey, pay attention to number 18”, he said as he went to get the door.

He wasn’t sure who he was expecting, but the guy in military uniform and an excited smile was not it.

“Commander McGarrett?”, he asked.

“Yes?”, Steve answered, as he heard Nahele pause the game and tell Eddie to stay.

The guy saluted him with a hand to his forehead before saying:

“Special operator, 2nd class, Junior Reigns. It’s an honor to meet you, sir”, he said with an easy crooked smile.

Steve smiled at the young man, Junior.

“Nice to meet you, Junior. Please, relax, I’m not on Teams anymore”, Steve stepped outside, “What can I do for you?”

Junior sheepishly looked down before smiling again, uncertain this time.

Steve wasn’t sure what he was expecting to come out of the kids mouth, but the admission that a guy who barely looked past twenty had just processed out of the Navy and the request to join Five-0 was not it.

“I gotta say, I appreciate the initiative, but we’re not hiring right now. I just filled a spot, actually”

Which was the moment that Eddie decided to forget the “stay” command Nahele had given him and come barking to the door. Then Nahele was running after him. Then the both of them almost crashed against Steve’s back. And for the first time since Steve opened the door, Junior Reigns seemed to lose some of his easy-going composure.

“I swear he doesn’t listen to me on purpose, dad”, Nahele said, frowning at the dog.

Junior looked between the three of them. “Oh, hi. I didn’t realize you had a son – sir”.

Steve smiled, because he was certain not many people in the Navy knew that anyway. Or expected.

“Yeah, this is Nahele. Nahele, this is special operator, 2nd class, Junior Reigns”.

Nahele extended his hand and Junior reached out to shake it, “Just Junior is fine, thanks”.

“And that’s Eddie”, Nahele pointed at Eddie happily rolling on the grass in the yard.

Junior turned to Eddie then back at them, looking like a deer caught in the headlights of Lou’s enormous SUV, “Yeah… Hm, and, I guess I didn’t realize you were married either. My C.O., David Lange, didn’t mention it”.

Steve almost snorted, but Nahele still did, “I’m not married, Junior”

Junior seemed to be sweating off nervous energy, “Oh, hm”, he looked between him and Nahele.

“I’m adopted. It’s a new thing”, Nahele filled in, making Steve wince slightly.

Now Junior seemed to be blushing under his dark skin.

“Oh, sorry, I’m – “

Steve shook his head, interrupting what would surely be an attempt at salvaging the situation, “It’s fine. Look, I really appreciate you coming here, okay? I may not be able to give a spot on the task force, but if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call. If you need another job…”.

Junior smiled again, almost standing at attention.

“You know, I don’t just want a job. I wanna work for _you_ ”.

And Steve could appreciate his determination, but, “I don’t know what to tell you, man, I’m sorry”.

Junior gave him a curt nod, still smiling, “I understand, sir”.

He and Nahele watched him leave for a second before herding Eddie inside again.

“Why didn’t you give him the job?”, Nahele asked as they made their way back to the couch, “With Kono and Chin gone, you still had a spot, right?”.

But Steve thought back to flying a house out of a burning forest, of Tani going rogue after Duclair. Adding a Navy SEAL just out of the service to their task force seemed like combining unstable chemicals together. Their task force needed more balance.

“You didn’t get your gut feeling, huh?”, Nahele kept asking.

Steve turned to him on the couch, “Something like that”.

And just as he was about to hit play on the game, the doorbell rang again, making Eddie bark at it.

“Yeah, it’s annoying, boy”, Nahele shushed him as Steve got up again.

He half expected to be Junior again, he seemed like the kind of soldier who didn’t give up that easy.

It was Joe White instead.

And Harry Langford.

Steve was sure his face was trying to smile, but his brain was stuck on being shocked.

“Steven, long time no see”, Harry said cheerfully, coming in for a hug that Steve barely had time to react to before he was coming in through the door, “And I believe this is your boy, yes? And… who _that_ might be?”, Steve was sure he meant Eddie, but couldn’t seem to be able to turn and check.

“Hey – Joe? What’re you guys doing here?”.

Joe smiled his usual cryptic smile, “What, your son’s birthday is tomorrow, right? We wouldn’t miss it”, he answered, like it made sense, and bypassed Steve too to go inside the house too, “Now, why don’t you make the introductions, son?”.

Steve looked back into his living room, where Nahele was standing off-kilter by the couch, Eddie was sniffing Harry’s hand suspiciously.

“Yeah, yeah, come here, keiki”, he said, motioning for Nahele to come closer, “Nahele, this is my old Commanding Officer and an even older friend of my father, Joe White. And the British guy over there is Harry Langford, he’s, uh”, _could he say Harry was MI5?_ , “A friend too”.

“British intelligence”, Harry said, still smiling as he extended his hand and Nahele shook it, dumbfounded.

Then Joe stepped in, shaking his hand too. And all the stories Nahele ever heard about Joe seemed to be going through behind his eyes, because he took a second to stare at the hand before shaking it, like he needed to make sure it wasn’t going to give a karate chop in his face.

“Nice to meet you two”, Nahele mumbled, his native accent sticking out, “That’s uh, that’s Eddie, by the way”, he pointed at Eddie, who was getting more comfortable with letting Harry pet him.

Joe approached Steve imperceptibly as Nahele and Harry were distracted with Eddie.

“A son, a dog”, Joe started in a whisper, “Things changed for you, didn’t they?”.

Steve sighed, staring as Eddie probably sensed Nahele’s nervousness and nosed at his calves, “Things changed. I guess I just let them change me too”.

Joe’s hand landed on his shoulder.

“Well, I’m glad”.

Joe had a wistful tone to his voice.

“Why you’re really here, Joe?”, Steve pressed, turning to his mentor, his friend.

But Joe kept smiling and stepped forward towards Nahele, which Steve read as him saying _“We’ll talk later”_.

Steve really should be used to it by now.

-

“You’re gonna have lunch at the truck and then what?”

Grace rolled her eyes, “Stay in the shade until Maggie gets there with her mom”.

Danny nodded resolutely as he drove.

They had a half day at work, and Grace was officially on her summer break, so after spending the whole morning nagging Danny to let her go to the North Shore to surf with a friend – chaperoned by her mother – Danny caved, only because he knew Nahele had a shift at Flippa’s truck that day.

“And you’re gonna do what, Nahele?”, Danny asked, looking sideways to the passenger seat, but the kid was distracted, looking out the window. He had been ever since Danny picked him up at Steve’s, “Nahele? You listening to me, buddy?”.

The kid inhaled sharply and turn to him in jolt, “What? Yeah, yeah. Imma, uh, Imma call you if anything goes wrong”.

Danny nodded again but glancing back and forth between traffic and the kid.

“You okay?”.

Nahele turned to him again, still like he was surprised.

“Uh, yeah. Just a weird morning”.

Danny hummed, Grace pushed herself in between the front seats, “Weird how?”, she asked.

Nahele scrunched his nose before answering, “We had a lot of visitors. Joe White and Harry Langford came by the house”.

Danny fought the urge to land his foot on the brakes.

“ _Joe? And Harry?_ ”, he demanded, “What did they want?”.

But Nahele shrugged, “They said they were here for my birthday”.

Danny reeled in any other questions he had with a deep breath. He took one hand out of the wheel to hold Nahele’s shoulder for a second.

“Joe’s like a second father to Steve, kid. It’s obvious he’d want to come by and meet you on your birthday”.

“They’re here on a mission, aren’t they?”.

Danny took another breath.

“Yeah, probably, that too. But I still mean what I said”, he stopped at a light just a few minutes out from the truck and turned to Grace and Nahele, “Hey, don’t worry, okay? Tomorrow’s your big day, Steve wouldn’t want you worrying about him”.

He stared at the two kids until they nodded.

The light turned green.

By the time Danny was leaving the North Shore and making his way back to Honolulu, he tried calling Steve almost ten times. After all of the calls being left unanswered, Danny started to worry.

Then he went through a five-minute zone of no cell signal. Then his phone was blowing up.

Then he was really worried.

“Steve? What’s up, buddy?”, Danny asked as he picked up the call.

“Hey, you gotta hurry to HQ, alright? We caught a big case”.

Danny cursed.

“How big?”.

“Someone took out Jimmy Okada”.

“Okada crime family, Jimmy Okada? _That_ Jimmy Okada?”.

Steve sighed, “That’s the one”.

“I just took the kids to Flippa’s, but I’m on my way”, when he didn’t hear the line clicking, he took it as an invitation to keep going, “Does this have to do with Joe and Harry making a surprise visit?”.

“Nahele told you, huh?”.

“He was worried”.

A pause. Danny was considering throwing the police sirens on even though the highway was pretty deserted.

“Yeah, well, there’s a lot going on apparently.”, Steve said, and he already sounded tired of it all, “They’d been rounding out assets all over Europe and Asia. They started off with El Hamadi’s connections, back when all this started, but El Hamadi’s skeleton key was just the beginning. Someone is leaking US government resources and intel and selling them in the black market.”.

Danny narrowed his eyes, “Are saying there’s a leak inside the American government?”.

“I’m saying there’s a leak in the CIA”.

Danny pressed his foot further on the gas pedal, “And you think they’re the ones coming after you? Maybe there’s connected to Doris after all”.

Steve let a static breath over the phone, “No, I think _they’re_ connected to who’s coming after me”, he grunted, “Someone brought the Uranium on the island, _someone_ smuggled Abati here to plant a _bomb_ intended for me. Whoever did it, had to have solid intel, not only on the back channels, but they _knew_ Sang Min was a Five-0 asset. That’s classified information, Danny”.

Danny hummed, though his breathing was coming out shallower with every word Steve spoke, “And they were helping Shioma’s operation too”.

“Yeah, but Joe thinks the Okada hit means someone is trying to set up shop in Hawaii. We gotta try to –“.

Steve was cut off by another call. Danny fumbled with the dashboard’s buttons for a second before having to pull over to grab his phone.

“Hey, Steve, I’m getting another call, I’ll see you in a bit, okay?”, he didn’t wait for an answer as he accepted the other call.

“Danno?”, Grace’s voice made Danny glad he had pulled over.

“Grace? What’s wrong?”.

“I-I don’t know. These black SUV’s just pulled up to Flippa’s truck and a bunch of shady guys came out. Nahele told me to call you and – _oh my god!_ ”, Danny turned the steering wheel as hard as he landed his foot on the pedal, making the car skid on the road as he sped through it, “Danno, _they’re taking Kamekona! Nahele -_ ”.

“Grace, just stay put, okay? I’ll be there in _five minutes_ , just keep your head d-“.

The connection was lost as an explosion rang off.

Danny was maybe ten minutes out, but he was about to make that a two-minute trip if he could.

Out of sheer force of will, he managed to call Steve using only the dashboard buttons and confusing voice commands.

Steve picked up on the second ring.

“Steve, you gotta get to Flippa’s, alright? Get there _right now_ , get a chopper, I don’t _care!”_.

“Danny, wait – _what happened?_ ”.

“ _I don’t know!_ Grace called, someone took Kamekona, and all I could hear was an explosion and the call disconnected”.

“What – Is Nahele okay? What about Grace?”.

“ _I don’t know, Steve! Just get there!”_.

“ _I’ll be there in ten”_.

For Steve it would be a forty-minute drive, but Danny did just say to get a chopper. He wouldn’t be surprised if Steve got there somehow before he did.

He could see the smoke coming up in the sky two blocks away from the beach and it was a punch to the gut. He parked the Camaro over the sidewalk as he scrambled out and started running.

“Danno!”, Danny spotted Grace just a few feet from the smoking food truck, standing from foot to foot in hurried agony, “Nahele is _in there!_ We have to get him!”.

If the smoke had been a punch to the gut, this was the knockout blow.

“You have to stay away, okay? Get me your beach towel, c’mon, quick! And stay as far away as you can from the truck!”.

Grace pulled at her bag unceremoniously and Danny grabbed at the towel, making his way towards the blazing truck. He wasn’t religious, but he felt he was about to start praying.

Black smoke came out as he opened the truck’s back door, and he could see Nahele unconscious on the scalding metal floor, fire surrounding him over the counters. And Danny was calling him as he tried getting through the flames, towel over his nose, but Nahele only stirred when Danny could reach out and shake his shoulder, crouching over him. He tried taking a deep breath before shifting the towel from his face to Nahele’s as Danny helped him sit up, then hurried them off the truck.

Just as he cleared away from the truck, Nahele stumbling beside him, the whole thing exploded, sending them both in the air, then hitting the ground hard. Danny could feel the moment his hand slipped from Nahele’s shoulder as they were thrown.

He could also hear Grace calling them as the explosion still rung in his ears.

Danny struggled to sit up, but Nahele was still out cold on the ground. He probably was weak from the smoke inhalation. Danny really hoped the kid hadn’t hit his head in the pavement.

It was close to ten minutes for an ambulance to arrive, as he and Grace tried to keep Nahele alert and breathing, but the kid was coughing up a lung every five seconds and he was pretty banged up, a nasty cut on his head, some light burns on his arms. Steve was gonna flip. Hell, _Danny_ was flipping.

And as Nahele was placed on a stretcher and getting treated with the other people who were too close when the two explosions hit, Danny heard the police sirens. Not even half a minute later, Steve pulled up haphazardly besides the Camaro. 

-

Steve only focus was Nahele sitting down on the stretcher. An EMT was beside him cleaning up something on his head, but Steve could barely see her as he strode forward.

Then Nahele looked back at him, “Dad!”.

Steve surged forward to pull him into a hug, giving the EMT just enough time to step back and not get pushed.

The hug lasted all of three seconds though, because on the forth, Nahele started coughing relentlessly.

“We’re just finishing up here”, the EMT said, gently and yet firmly pushing him away from his son, “And we’ll take him to Wahiawā General”, she paused to look at him, “Are you riding along on the ambulance, sir?”, she probably took notice of his dangerous stance and the fact that he was packing his SIG.

“I – “

“Steve? Come here for a second”.

Steve turned around to find Danny and Grace standing off to the side. Grace was hugging Danny’s waist, her head on his shoulder as she bit at her top lip.

“Hey, go make Nahele some company, yeah?”, he heard Danny murmur to her as he approached them.

Grace nodded before dislodging herself from her father, only stopping to hug Steve on her way to the ambulance.

Steve stared at the burnt skeleton of the food truck besides them, the smell of ash and soot, of burnt food and plastic, he could taste the blown-out metal in his tongue like blood.

“ _What the hell happened?_ ”, he demanded as he got closer to Danny.

“I wish you could sit down somewhere”, Danny mumbled to himself as he rubbed his forehead with his wrists, his hands covered in soot, as was most of him, Steve noticed, “Someone took Kamekona and torched the truck”, Danny’s eyes were cautious as he stared into Steve’s, “Nahele was still inside”.

Yeah, Steve should’ve been sitting down for that.

“ _What?_ ”.

Steve turned around to go back to Nahele, but Danny grabbed at his shirt to pull him back.

“Hey, _hey_ , listen to me, he’s a little banged up, but he’s okay. I pulled him out in time”.

The words took half a second to register, “You okay?”.

Danny gave him an annoyed stare, “I’m _fine_. Just covered in grime”, he raised his blacken hands, “Was this connected to the Okada hit?”, Danny asked, “Why would they take Kamekona?”.

Steve pressed his hands at his eyes for a second, catching his breath, but his skin was buzzing.

“I don’t know. _I don’t know_. I – Joe and Harry are running point on the Okada case, I guess they have jurisdiction after all. The team’s trying to find Kame – “.

Danny’s phone interrupted them again.

“Hold on”, Danny said, fishing out his phone from his pocket, “It’s – Toast?”, he glanced at Steve before putting the call on speaker, “Yo, Toast, this isn’t a good time”, he said loudly.

There wasn’t an immediate response, just the sound of jostling around.

“Maybe it’s a butt dial?”, Steve offered, half confused, half exasperated.

Danny rolled his eyes, “Toast – “

“ _Jersey!”_ , came Toast’s frantic voice, “You gotta help me, man”.

Danny frowned, gripping the phone tighter as he glanced at Steve again, “What’re you talking about? What’s going on?”.

“Dude, these guys are following me, they look business. I think I lost them a few blocks ago, but I don’t know”, Toast was talking a mile per minute, his breath shallow, “I gotta tell you something, okay? I think I know what this is about”.

He paused, and Danny groaned, “ _What, Toast, what?_ ”.

“ _Shit, I gotta run_ ”, Toasted hissed, just as a shot rang out, “ _Shit!_ I sent Jerry my location, but he’s not getting back to me. You gotta do something, Jersey”, he said, clearly running as he talked, voice breaking at every step.

Danny and Steve shared a look. The line went dead.

“Fuck. _Fuck!_ ”, Danny hissed too.

By the time they got a hold of Jerry and mobilized HPD, Nahele’s ambulance was getting ready to leave.

Steve was still on hold with Jerry as he tracked Toast’s phone. He made a move to follow the EMT’s, but Jerry kept talking to him.

Danny put a hand on his arm, but he shook it off.

Grace was looking torn between the ambulance and them.

“Steve, _listen to me_ ”, Danny insisted, “You can’t go to the hospital and do the case. Okay?”, his hand hovered near Steve, trying not to touch, “ _Pick one_ , and whatever’s the other, I’ll do it”.

Steve looked at Danny for a second, his heart in his throat, he looked at Nahele in the ambulance, coughing relentlessly. Then he thought about Kamekona, missing somewhere. About Toast running for his life.

He looked back at Danny, opened his mouth, but the man had already read his mind and was already moving back to the ambulance, Grace in tow, “I’ll call you if I need you”, he called out, approaching Nahele on the stretcher with a hand on the kid’s back, rubbing in gentle circles.

Steve nodded and stared after them until the EMT had shut the ambulance doors behind them. Steve felt a rope tug at his heart as they drove away.

Jerry’s voice in his ear was just static noise.

As he made the forty-minute drive back to HQ – the drive to the North Shore had been more like twenty minutes – Steve gripped the wheel so tight, by the time he parked, his fingers were stiff.

Jerry and Toast were by the smart table with Joe, who had his arms crossed and a placid smile on his face as the other two spoke undecipherably to each other.

“Steve”, Joe called as he spotted Steve coming in through the glass doors, “How’s Nahele?”.

Steve shook himself, “He’s in the hospital with Danny and Grace, might have had some smoke inhalation”.

Joe nodded and Steve reached the table, putting a hand on Toast’s shoulder.

“Hey, good to see ya, man”.

Toast widened his eyes at him, “ _Dude_ , I almost didn’t make it. Seriously, that Tani lady saved my ass”.

Steve looked around, “Where is everyone by the way?”.

Jerry typed and clicked as he talked, “Toast gave us some intel and Tani and Lou are following up on that”.

“Paying a visit to Aaron Wright”, Toast complemented.

“And, uh, Harry is – “, Jerry sent Joe a cautious look, though Joe looked as unperturbed as ever.

“Busy”, Joe said with finality, “Now, you have to listen to what your friend has to say, Steve”, he motioned back to Toast.

Toast cleared his throat, “Right. So. A few weeks ago I was approached for a job. They wanted me to breach Five-0’s servers, said they were paying top dollar for the job. I _obviously_ said no, I even tried back-tracing their info, but they covered their tracks pretty well. Anyway, I had heard Wright was locked-up, so I figured you’d gotten your guy. If anyone would do it, it’d be him. That dude will do anything, and he looks so – moist? It’s creepy”.

“ _Toast_ , get to the point”, Steve urged, glaring at the man.

Toast looked back at him with a jolt, then commandeered the smart table from Jerry, “Right. Aaron Wright. He had this major scheme to roll on you guys. The people that hired him and tried hiring me, wanted your C.I’s list. He gotten that when he breached your system that first time. Now, here’s the kicker. They wanted to sell out your C.I’s to distract you from some big hit. And Wright wanted to sell us out so he could make his prison escape. But for Wright’s plan to work, _I_ needed to be offed first, so you guys would have to turn to him and he could get pulled out Halawa. But as you know, his employers sold Kamekona out first”, Toast pulled up their C.I’s list on the monitors.

“HPD is securing everyone else”, Jerry said, “Bones and Hirsh are being brought back here, Sang Min is – giving them some trouble. Everyone else is en route to a secure location”.

Steve nodded, “Good, good”.

“Now ask him how he knows all that”, Joe offered.

Steve made a “go on” motion towards Toast, who brought up a grainy picture of a guy on the monitor, “This is Mogera. At least that’s his hacker handle. Wright was blackmailing him to take the fall for breaching your system. But this dude hacked Wright’s cloud, got a hold of his convos, and _called_ me today to warn me about the breach, just before I got chased. He said he went underground because of the blow back, but he sent me Wright’s recent contact list”.

“We’re cross referencing to all the people that could have it out for Kamekona”, Jerry said.

“And if whoever orchestrated this whole plan, went through all this trouble just to buy some time on the blow back from the Okada hit, we can assume they’re planning something big next”, Joe said.

Steve frowned, “Right. The only reason you take out someone like Okada is to carve out his turf”, he reasoned, “So if someone’s coming to set up shop here on the island, you’re thinking it must be connected to your assignment with Harry? Or even connected to me”.

Joe nodded brusquely.

“Not only that. If Okada’s people suspect of any gang on the island for this hit, you guys are looking at the prospect of a massive gang war coming in your way”.

Steve held himself steady, but he felt his nostrils flaring.

There was a loud _bing_ and a file appeared on the computer’s screen.

Joey Kang.

Joey Kang had Kamekona.

Steve was on the phone with Tani on the next second.

Joey Kang didn’t have much on his file that could help them, aside from a father who owned an auto shop.

Less than thirty minutes later, Tani and Lou joined him and Joe into storming Kang senior’s auto shop.

Steve’s only thought was the burnt-out truck. The blood on the side of Nahele’s face.

He started dousing the place in gasoline amid Kang’s protests.

“I understand he’s your boy, you love him, you’re gonna do whatever you have to do to protect your family”, Steve could feel himself out of breath with adrenaline as he opened gallons and gallons of gasoline, “But I’m gonna do whatever I have to do, to protect mine”, he warned, “Get Joey on the phone, Mr. Kang. Make him release Kamekona”.

When there was no answer, he clicked a lighter open, a soft flame igniting on it.

“I don’t think he’s getting it, boss”, Tani taunted.

Steve stepped closer to the man, saw the way he trembled.

“Joey Kang just burned down a food truck with _my son_ inside”, Steve snarled in his face, “You’re gonna be lucky if HPD finds him before I do”.

-

Nahele was fine. Nahele was fine. He was _fine_.

Steve had to keep reminding himself. Danny had been updating him every half hour, the last update being that Nahele was just waiting for some test results and they were gonna get ready to drive back to Honolulu. Though Danny had left the Camaro back at the food truck, so he had pretty big logistics problem to figure out. And Steve had no way of making the time to drive back and forth to the North Shore.

“If it’s any consolation”, Joe started, barging in Steve’s office, “I don’t think your other C.I.’s are still in danger”.

Steve sighed, “And why is that?”.

“Well, you don’t have much contact with them. They can’t use them to get to you in the same level they did with Kamekona and that Toast fellow”.

“Are you saying I’m a liability?”

“I’m saying this hit was clearly orchestrated by the person coming after you. And they’ve been very consistent in trying to strike where it would hurt you the most”.

Steve mulled that over.

“Abati’s threat was _months_ ago though. Wright hadn’t hacked into our systems yet. How did they know Sang Min was connected to us?”, he wondered.

But Joe shook his head, “I don’t know, Steve. This puzzle is far from being done”.

Steve felt as though he was playing chess but couldn’t see his enemies pieces until they were ready to strike him.

“Well, I’m glad you and Harry were here. I don’t think we could’ve pulled off investigating the Okada case _and_ gotten Kamekona by ourselves”, he said.

Joe smiled, “I’m here for you, Steve”.

Steve looked around the office. Jerry and Toast still standing over the smart table, working with HPD to get Kang who disappeared after freeing Kamekona, and the guys who were after Toast earlier, as Tani was in the field providing back-up. Lou, who had commandeered Chin’s office ever since he left, was in the hospital with Kamekona.

Five-0 was stretched thin.

Next thing he did was look at Danny’s office, even though it was empty.

And Steve thought about balance.

“Joe, can you reach out to David Lange?”

Half an hour later, Steve was pouring over Junior Reigns’ Navy file, or at least the unredacted parts. Another half hour and Danny said he was driving back to Honolulu and taking Nahele to his house. Then Duke came up to his office, just as Steve was contacted by the palace’s security that Junior was there for him.

“What’s this about, sir?”, Junior asked as Steve walked him through the now empty bullpen. The kid had a wide-eyed look as he took in the space.

“I made a judgement call this morning”, Steve said, “When I turned you down for the task force. Turns out it wasn’t the right one”.

“Sir –“

“Now, this is my friend Sergeant Duke Lukela of HPD”, Steve interrupted him as they made their way into his office. They shook hands and Junior looked back at Steve with inquisitive eyes, “Look, if you want a spot on my team, this is how you do it. You join the academy and become a cop”.

Junior’s stance told him he was trying to gauge whether Steve was testing him or not.

“All due respect, sir, I don’t wanna be HPD, I want to work for you”.

“Yeah, I know you do, but this is the deal. I need this task force to be well balanced, not only in skills but with the people I bring on, and I need someone that will challenge the crazy things we sometimes get ourselves into. Someone that knows where the rules are. So this is your first step, I need you to graduate from the academy, you do that, and we’ll talk.”.

They stared at each other for a beat, Junior still trying to read him. In the end, he stepped up to Steve with his hand out: “I won’t disappoint you, sir”.

Steve shook his hand and let Duke take over, talking about the whole academy entry process.

By the time he got out of the palace, he had maybe thirty minutes until Danny got to Honolulu. It should be more like ten, but Steve guessed that he’d be driving really slow as to not jostle Nahele too much.

After fifteen minutes of going to his house and getting Eddie, Steve went by Tani’s, where she was sitting on the front lawn on a ratty looking couch, a small tube TV on a coffee table. It looked like a time capsule to a time Steve barely remembered. The soft golden light of the sunset casting a nostalgic filter over everything.

“Hey, what’re you – you _guys_ doing here?”, she asked as he and Eddie jumped out of the car.

As Eddie greeted her with excitement, Steve pointed to a lawn chair beside the couch.

“Yeah, go ahead”.

Steve sat, which made Eddie come to him again to ask for scratches.

“I wanted to run something by you”, he started, “Something I should’ve done before giving you that badge”.

“Oh?”, she raised her eyebrows, “This is about the British guy and your mentor, right? And whatever mission they’re on?”.

Steve laughed quietly, nodding as he petted Eddie, “Yeah, yeah it is”.

“Okay, shoot”.

“And this is also about why Kamekona and Toast were targeted today”, he admitted, starting to frown without wanting to, “There’s someone coming for me. I don’t know who or when, but they’ve been relentless for a few months now”, he looked back at Tani then, her demeanor turning serious too, “But they’re also coming after the people close to me”.

She blinked, “Why you’re telling me this?”.

Steve sighed, “I guess this is me giving you a way out”.

She smiled slightly at him, like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop, but Steve just held her gaze.

“You know, Danny came to talk to me, when you first offered me this job”, she said, “You know what he told me?”.

“That I’d drive you crazy?”, Steve answered, more out of reflex than anything. But Tani laughed in surprise.

“He did say that!”, she laughed, “But, he _also_ said, there was no one else out there I’d rather have having my back. That there was a difference between you and the rest of the world, that _you_ would be there for me, no matter what. So _we’ll have_ each other’s back with whatever it is that’s going to happen. You don’t have to worry about me”.

Steve was sure he should say something to that. There was a thousand words going through his mind, but it all came back to one night in particular. With dirty dishes and sleeping children, bitter goodbyes and Lou crying. Danny saying: “ _It’s you. I’m in love with you, Steve”_.

Something must have showed on his face though, because the next thing out of Tani’s mouth was: “I guess office relationships are also under the immunity and means umbrella, huh?”, a playful smile on her lips.

Steve regained composure over himself as he breathed out a laugh that sounded more like a wheeze, “I don’t know what you’re talking about”.

“How long have you and Danny been together?”.

Steve looked back at her as calm as he could, “We’re _not_ together, Tani”.

She shrugged, “Sure, boss”, then she narrowed his eyes at him, “How long has Danny been in love with you then?”.

“I – I. _How_ -”, he sputtered, hands coming on and off Eddie’s fur.

Tani’s smile stretched across her face, “You should’ve seen the way he talked about you. Can’t really miss it”, she shrugged again.

Steve lowered his head with a deep breath, rubbing the back of his hand against his forehead.

“Tani – “

“My lips are sealed, boss”.

Steve smiled faintly, “But me and Danny really aren’t in a relationship”.

She winced theatrically, “Oof, must be awkward”.

“It’s, uh – it’s complicated”.

Steve was starting to get annoyed saying that line too.

-

“What’re you gonna do when we get to the house?”.

“Shower? I’m still covered in sunscreen from, like, twelve hours ago”, Grace scrunched her nose in disgust, “It smells”.

“No, _Monkey_ ”, Danny huffed, coughing into his elbow as he drove, “First you’re gonna call Maggie and her mom and explain everything, right? I’ll start with dinner and we’ll wait for Steve”.

“He’s probably already there, you’re driving really slow”, she pointed out.

“Well, I’m trying to be _mindful_ , can I be mindful? I mean, look at him, I don’t wanna wake him by driving too fast”, Danny tilted his head to look in the rearview mirror at Nahele’s sleeping form, his head lulled over his bandaged shoulder, mouth slightly open.

The darkening sky above them was slowly shrouding the car in shadows, the sun only a sliver on the horizon as they drove on. There was an absolute silence around them, made from the lack of radio and the buzz from the air-conditioning.

Grace turned to look at Nahele too, “Yeah, he looks pretty tired”.

By the time they got to the city, night had fallen, and Honolulu’s city lights appeared brighter and brighter in the horizon until they were cutting through the busy streets.

Danny had a scratch on the back of his throat that only some tea with honey would help. He could still taste the smoke in his tongue.

“Can this make it worse?”, Grace asked quietly, “I mean, this is the second time you go into a fire, Danno. You said you needed to avoid these things, right? To get better from the radiation poisoning?".

Danny winced, checking that Nahele was still sleeping on the backseat.

“I don’t know”, he confessed in a whisper, “I’ll go to the doctor’s next week to get checked out properly, I promise”.

Grace hummed in a high pitch and Danny took one hand from the wheel to hold hers.

When they arrived at the house, he could smell Steve’s cooking from the front door.

He helped Nahele stumble out of the car, only half awake, and could only manage the three-legged walk up to the sofa – the kid was getting way too tall – where Nahele dropped like a sack of potatoes. Eddie appeared out of the kitchen in excitement but stopped his waggling to sniff at Nahele smushed face on the couch with a low whine.

“They gave him some antibiotics and painkillers”, Danny explained just as Steve came out of the kitchen, worry lines all over his face, “He’s gonna be pretty out of it for a while”.

Grace passed by Steve with a hug as she made her way to her room, phone already in her ear as Eddie followed her in the hopes of some petting.

“Is he okay though?”, Steve asked quietly.

They moved back to the kitchen, Danny leaning against the doorway as not to get soot on his kitchen, and Steve leaned against the counters.

“He just needs lots of rest, some antibiotics because of the fumes and cream for his, very, _very_ , minor burns”.

Steve seemed to be sinking right through the counter.

“ _Jesus_ ”.

“Yeah”, Danny sighed, “Look, I gotta go shower – “, he coughed into his elbow again, “Sorry, uh, I’ll go shower and then I’ll come here to help you”.

Danny could feel Steve eyes on his back as he walked away.

“Hey, Danny”, Steve called out.

“Yeah, babe?”, he turned around to him again.

“You okay?”.

Danny gave him a half smile, “I just don’t ever wanna be on this side of that call again”, he fished his phone out of pocket for emphasis, “I swear, twice in one day – It’s awful”.

Steve gave him a half laugh, eyes soft, “Yeah. Yeah, it is”.

-

_Nahele’s birthday, Part Three: Will and Grace save the day_

-

Nahele’s birthday started out rocky.

He had a few days of antibiotics to go through and strict orders to not put any strain on his lungs. That meant Steve had to be the one to tell him that Danny couldn’t start teaching him baseball on his birthday like they planned. And that their football practice was going to have to wait at least a week or two.

So Nahele’s birthday started with the teen sulking on the couch.

Not even Eddie was getting him to cheer up.

Steve pulled up all the stops with breakfast then.

A big pile of pancakes layered with ham and eggs, topped with syrup and butter. Nahele sniffed before taking his plate with a mumbled, “Thanks”.

Steve saw Nahele’s mood improve minimally as they ate and continued watching his old football games. After the first game’s half time, Nahele was asking question and being more excited about the plays. When the first game ended, Steve gave him the antibiotics. By the half time of the second game, Nahele was asleep with his head thrown back over the couch’s back.

Steve just hoped it was still remnants from the action of the day before, not actually a side effect of the antibiotics.

Just as he was going to nudge Nahele into lying down on the couch’s cushions, out of the corner of his eye Steve caught movement out on the lanai. Eddie stood in attention, a low whoof escaping him.

Then he heard the kitchen’s back door opening.

Steve was halfway out of the couch, putting himself between Nahele and the entry points in the house.

Then Danny’s head popped out of the kitchen.

Steve almost sat down again in relief. Eddie ran to the kitchen with a happy tail waggle.

“What’s with the aneurysm face?”, Danny whispered in annoyance, “Is Nahele there?”.

“ _Aneurysm face?_ You almost gave me a heart attack!”, he hissed, stalking over to the kitchen, “What’re you doing here? And Nahele is right there on the couch, _sleeping_ ”.

“Great, we have work to do”, Danny said in smile that made Steve frown.

Until he rounded the corner to the kitchen, spotting the Grover’s minus Will behind Danny. Renée with a picture-perfect birthday cake, Lou with a huge cooler in one hand, bags of ice on the other, Samantha balancing a mountain of boxes on her arms. Danny himself had a bunch of bags in his hands.

“What’s going on?”, Steve wondered, a feeling on the back of his head that he might be hallucinating.

“It’s a surprise party, Steve, I believe you’re familiar with them”, Renée deadpanned, “Now, come, come, Imma about to drop this cake”.

Steve looked back at the couch.

No way this was going to work with Nahele in the living room.

What happened was: Steve nudging a half-asleep Nahele to his room, bending over backwards to not let him go into the kitchen to get a glass of water, “ _What’re you doing? No, I’ll take a bottle to your room. You go nap until lunch time, keiki. Yes, I’ll wake you. No, I’m not treating you like Charlie”_ , and then moving furniture around as quietly as possible, trying not to argue too loudly with Danny about where to put the cake until they almost yelled and Steve was shunned to the grill by Renée. Lou brough hm half of the ice bags he had brought, as they were actually filled with sausages and patties, steaks and chicken.

“How much people are we expecting?”, he asked in astonishment.

Lou just laughed.

Steve guessed the party was going to be partly a surprise for him to.

Steve kept waiting for the fire to catch properly on the grill before starting to put things on it. He watched as Renée and Samantha worked in and out of the kitchen, Danny working on setting up the living room, but more often than not Steve caught him sitting down on the floor, taking a break. Lou had remained by his side, though he crouched to the cooler he’d brought and pulled out two beers, handing one to Steve. Steve looked over to him as they clinked the necks together.

“Something on your mind, Lou?”, he asked.

Lou stared down at his beer with a heavy sigh, “Yeah. I got a call yesterday”, he said, and Steve turned away from the grill to look at him head-on, “With everything else I didn’t bring it up with you, but I apparently some death row psycho asked for me personally, back in the mainland. Florida”.

“For you? _In Florida?_ Why?”, Steve frowned.

Lou sighed again, raising his shoulder to his ears, “I don’t know, man. But Imma need a day or two next week to make the trip”.

Steve nodded, his eyebrows knitted together, “Yeah, of course, just keep me updated, yeah?”.

Lou nodded, “Yessir”.

Two hours later, one of which was spent arguing with Lou on how to use _his_ grill and fighting over the tongs, they had almost everything ready. Tani, Noelani and Jerry came around eventually to help, adding to the pile of presents growing on the corner of the lanai by the hammock.

And as if they’d planned it, as Nahele came down, rubbing at his eyes with a frown as he took in the full lanai, there was a loud thud of heavy footsteps, loud voices and loud laughter, and rounding the side of the house, was Nahele’s teammates, acting like only high school football players did, mixed with some other kids Steve didn’t know. Right behind them was a red cheeked Grace and an exasperated looking Will, followed by a smiling Stan with Charlie on his back.

Nahele looked stunned for a second and Steve felt as warm as the sun above them. Then the team yelled out a cacophonous “SURPRISE!”, followed by everyone else as Nahele seemed as red as a beet as he looked down to himself than at everyone. Steve winced sympathetically, because the kid was still essentially in his pajamas.

One of the guys in the team that Steve recognized as the former quarterback, Tyson, started for Nahele like he was going to tackle him and Steve was ready to tackle him instead.

“Hey, Grace said _no tackling_!”, a girl besides Tyson yelled out, making the guy blessedly stop with an apologetically smile on his face. He still hugged Nahele with an aggressive tap to his back that even made Lou wince beside Steve.

Everyone was making the rounds on wishing Nahele a happy birthday and Steve watched on by his place on the grill, knowing full well he was probably sporting a very soft look on his face.

“It was all Will and Grace’s idea. The kids, not the show.”, Danny said, walking up to him, “They reached out to his teammates and everything”.

Steve shook his head in disbelief, “I can’t believe you guys did all this”.

But Danny just shrugged, “What? You thought I’d let Nahele spend the whole day with only you for company? C’mon, the kid suffered enough”.

Steve smiled even though he’d usually have a snarky rebuttal.

Danny’s eyes softened as they stared at each other.

“I hope you don’t mind me being here”, Stan obliviously approached them, beer in hand, “But Grace needed someone to drive her around today to get everything ready”, he said, “And since I had Charlie today I thought I’d bring everyone”.

“He also wanted to keep an eye on Will”, Danny filled in.

“ _What?_ ”, Lou bellowed behind them.

Stan froze for a second.

“ _You did this on purpose_ ”, Stan hissed at Danny before turning to Lou with a stiff smile.

“I see you guys are getting along better”, Steve commented, only half paying attention to the grill in front of him, the other half was enraptured by Lou and Stan explosive situation.

“Me and Stan? Yeah, sure, most times”, Danny brushed it off, “He’s much better now. Being stuck in an unsatisfactory situation for so long probably weighed on the guy. At least it did me. Don’t let me talk about sports with him though”.

Steve snorted, “Sure”.

The morning turned to afternoon as more people arrived. Joe and Harry got there in tac gear, seeming to intimidate all of Nahele’s friends as they congratulated the kid.

“Apologies for the get-up”, Harry said to Steve as they made their way to the house, “We had an _early_ appointment to attend to”.

“I’m assuming you have a safe place to keep all these?”, Joe inquired him in a low voice, a hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“Under the stairs”, Steve answered in the same whispered tone.

“Copy that”.

“Well, now you don’t have to worry about bullying”, Danny said in a half-exasperated tone, half amused voice, “They’re all gonna be worried Nahele’s _Uncle Joe_ is gonna shoot them”.

Steve just kept smiling in amusement. The sun was blazing, the smell of barbecue was mixing in with the smell of the ocean and sunscreen, the air was filled with laughter and grunts of roughhousing as the football team and some of the adults played a match of flag-football and Nahele acted as a referee, looking just a bit put-out that he couldn’t play too. Steve closed his eyes for a second. He could still feel Danny standing beside him.

If anything meant _home_ to him, it was that moment.

Eventually Steve relinquished his grilling responsibilities to Lou so he could sit and eat. Harry and Joe joined him, as did Danny. Steve had a million questions for Joe about his missions with Harry and the Interpol / inter-agency case, but it wasn’t the right time or place.

“So you got so bored with retirement you decided to hop around the globe in tac gear again?”, Danny asked Joe, a beer in his hand he’d been nursing for at least an hour, sunglasses on. Steve could smell the amount of sunscreen Danny had put on from across the table.

Steve wished he’d put on sunglasses too. He couldn’t seem to stop staring. The way the sea air was slowly undoing Danny’s work on his hair to keep it in place. The way his cheeks brushed on the sunglasses as he smiled.

Joe would be able to see right through Steve like he always did.

“Retirement was fine, this just seemed more important”.

“Of course retirement was fine, he had a girlfriend”, Harry said in bemusement.

Steve smirked, “You have a girlfriend, Joe?”.

Joe gave his signature small smiles, “I believe I’m too old to have a girlfriend, son”.

“What do you call it then?”, Danny laughed.

“I think I’d call it ‘none of your busines’, detective”, Joe answered calmly, though his eyes were bright with humor.

Harry snorted into his beer and Danny chuckled, “Oh, that’s how it is, Joe?”.

Joe rolled his eyes, reaching into his pants pocket to pull out his wallet.

“I met her in Nigeria”, he said, handing Steve a small photo of a woman, dark skin and dark curls framing her face, a bright smile on her lips, “That’s where I had been spending my retirement most of the time”.

“Congratulation, Joe”, Steve said, giving the photo to Danny next, “When’s the – _fifth?_ – wedding?”.

Now Joe’s eye roll was directed at Steve, “I believe I’m too old for that too, Steve”.

“I’ve been planning on retiring”, Danny said conversationally, though Steve could feel Danny’s eyes on him behind the dark lenses, “Though a cop’s pension will likely give me only a slight, faded, glimpse of your retirement, Joe. And probably not even I glimpse of what yours will look like, Harry”.

Harry smirked, leaning sideways to Danny.

“Oh, Danny”, Harry started, “But you don’t appreciate how much you need the buzz of the job until it’s gone. Besides, you blokes don’t have it so bad, driving around from witness to witness, collecting evidence, getting into some fisty-cuffs, a little bit of argy-bargy along the way, it’s all quite quaint, really”.

There was a beat of silence in the table, but Steve could swear he was hearing Joe laughing quietly to himself.

“You say, ‘argy-bargy’?”, Steve asked, head turning away from Danny to stare at Harry for a second.

“You know, an _argument_ , the constant bickering you two engage in”, Harry answered, “I mean, don’t get me wrong, is clearly coming from a place of love, that’s why you’re so involved in each other’s lives”, Harry gestured to the party around them and paused, “Can’t bear to be apart, right?”.

Steve couldn’t look at Danny then.

Steve knew Danny would be either bright red or white as a boiled egg.

Steve probably was also one of the two.

He was saved from having to react to that comment by Kamekona’s heavy hand landing on his shoulder, making him almost jump from his seat and roll away.

“Howzit, brother”, he said in his usual cheery voice, though it carried a solemn tone to it now.

Steve looked up at the guy as he stood up.

Kamekona’s face was painted with various shades of red and purple bruises, one of his eyes was almost completely shut.

Steve thought about apologizing for what happened, but knew the guy would brush it off. So he moved to touch their foreheads together as they breathed.

“Hey, I’m glad you’re okay, brother”, Steve said.

“Nah, free booze? I’m more than okay, McGarrett”, he said, packing his usual laughing tone as he sat beside Steve, Flippa on the other side.

“Uh, Commander?”.

They all turned around.

Junior Reigns was standing to the side of the lanai, clearly awkward.

“Uh, sorry, I can come back later”, he said, already turning away.

“Hey, Junior, come on, I’ll introduce you to everybody”, Steve stopped him.

“No, I –“

“Junior Reigns, right?”, Joe spoke up, getting up with Steve, “I heard a lot about you, son”.

Junior approached them nervously, rubbing at his buzzed hair.

“Junior, this is my old C.O., Commander Joe White”.

“Oh, I’ve heard a lot about you too, sir”, Junior said, almost in awe as they shook hands, “It’s an honor”.

Steve went around the table to introduce everyone else to Junior, then they made their way across the lanai.

“I didn’t know you were having a party, sir, or else I wouldn’t’ve come”, Junior said lowly, “I just wanted to say thank you for yesterday. For giving me a chance at the job”.

Steve clasped at his shoulder, “Don’t mention it. And this is just my son’s birthday party, that’s all, you’re more than welcome to stick around for a few beers”.

Steve wondered if he’d ever get tired of being able to say Nahele was his son.

Junior said hi to Nahele, apologized for not bringing a gift, which Steve knew Nahele would brush off. Then Junior sat beside him on the sand, helping with the game as Tani shouted that her team had scored.

When the sun started to set and Nahele’s team and friends started to wind down and leave, Steve came by to sit beside him on the sand, watching as Stan played around with Charlie by the shoreline, and as Grace and Will walked leisurely in the sand with Eddie by their side, going a couple houses down the beach with the low tide, and coming back again.

“You doing okay, keiki?”, Steve asked, bumping his shoulder against his son’s, “Not too tired? How’s your breathing?”, Steve felt like Danny when he was in mother hen mode.

But Nahele scrunched his nose in a smile, “I’m okay. Today was really fun”.

Steve bumped his shoulder again, “Even if you had to just sit and watch everyone playing?”.

When Nahele scrunched his nose, this time was in a frown, “It’s fine. Sorry for being mad this morning”.

Steve sighed, “Hey, it’s not fine, okay? I know you were looking forward to doing a bunch of things today. It’s okay to get mad about it”.

Nahele hummed, picking at the sand beside his feet with his fingers.

“Mrs. River says that too”.

“Say what?”.

“That I can be mad about things. I just don’t think I’m very good at it”.

“At being mad?”, Steve asked, getting increasingly confused. He probably should’ve cut himself off after three beers.

Nahele huffed at him with a roll of his eyes, “ _No, dad_. At showing it”.

“Ah”, Steve sighed, “You ever talked about why you don’t like showing it then?”.

Nahele nodded silently, never turning to look at Steve, either concentrated on his fingers in the sand or at Charlie running by the water.

“Didn’t really need an expert on that one”, he answered eventually, “When we lived with my father, if I got mad, he got madder. When I was in the foster system after mum die, if I got mad, they just threatened to send me away”, he shrugged, like it wasn’t breaking Steve’s heart to hear it, “And when I lived on the streets I just – I was angry. A lot. But there wasn’t much of a point in blowing up and snapping. It wasn’t gonna change anything”.

“Are you – I mean, what can I do?”.

At that, Nahele looked at him, eyebrows high in genuine surprise, “You’re already doing everything, dad. This is just – my thing”.

And Steve hated that answer. Screw it that Danny would probably call him a control freak. But Nahele was his son, Steve wanted to do everything he could to help him.

“You sure?”, he tried again.

But Nahele just nodded.

Steve was about to try again when Grace and Will approached them, hand in hand, and Eddie came bundling to Nahele, nuzzling at the kid’s chest.

“So, what did you think about our party?”, Will asked, poking Nahele in the shin with his sand covered toes.

Nahele looked up to the couple, “You guys did this?”, he asked, mouth slightly agape.

Grace smiled wide, “Yup”.

Nahele cleared his throat a few times, making Steve and the other’s smile in amusement, “Uh, wow. Thanks guys. I just though that uh, dad and Danny had pulled it off”.

“Nope”, Steve said, “I didn’t even know it until this morning”, he turned to Grace and Will again, “Thanks, you guys. It was really nice. Right, Nahele?”.

Nahele looked stunned as he nodded.

Grace and Will shared a fond look as they basked in their success.

By dinner time only the team – Steve’s – remained at the house, clearing out the lanai and bringing all the leftover food inside as they lounged around his living room. Steve stood to the side by the kitchen door, staring as the people he called family – with new additions – were making a mess of his couch and floors.

“I’m sorry Chin-Ho and Kono had to leave”.

Steve turned to see Joe coming up behind him, leaning against the other side of the doorframe.

Joe had grown old since the last time they saw each other.

In obvious ways, but also in the way he carried himself. His shoulders didn’t stand as high anymore, like they weren't always on attention. His eyes were softer as they looked on to the house. Steve knew Joe was probably as attentive to the points of entry as he himself was, that he’d probably react just as quick if anything happened, but the bags around his eyes were like a warning sign that the man had seen too much.

Joe had always been quiet, but quiet like the sky before a lightning storm, charged and biding its time. Now he was quiet in a different way. The quiet Steve felt on deployments, when he’d been keeping guard and saw the sun rising over a pink sky, the only sound around him was the wind and waking birds.

“It’s hard to find people you can depend on”, Joe kept saying, “But I think you picked right, with these new squids”.

Steve chuckled, “Squids, Joe?”.

Joe shrugged, but Steve knew he was laughing too.

“What’re you really doing here?”, Steve murmured, staring back at the living room. Jerry was clearly sharing some very specific knowledge, because the kids all seemed enraptured, but the adults were either annoyed – Danny and Lou – or trying not to laugh.

“Jimmy Okada’s killer was a merc. Me and Langford over there tracked him down this morning. He’s in the wind, but we searched the location he’d been using. There were the usual recon pictures, maps and the likes. But this guy’s connected to a dozen arm deals and a dozen more kills all over, you guessed it, Europe and South East Asia”.

“So you think this guy could lead you to who’s pulling the strings on all this? The one coming after me?”.

Joe shook his head, mouth in a grimace, “Maybe. Maybe he could lead us to the CIA leak. Until we find him, we’ll never know”.

Steve kept staring at Joe for a moment, though the other seemed unbothered by the attention.

“Do you have any idea who this might be?”, Steve asked, searching Joe’s face for a tell, but there were none as always.

“Yes and no”, came the usual cryptic answer, “I have a few names I’ve been keeping tabs on. Strawberry field being one of them”, Steve held his breath, “But nothing’s panned out yet”.

“Do I get a name? For the merc or anyone else?”, he insisted, but Joe kept his placid façade.

“You will, son. But only when I’m sure you won’t go running after them”.

“ _Joe – “_

The people in the living room became rowdier, Steve turned to them to see Nahele blushing and trying to hide a smile as everyone else teased him into opening his presents like it was Christmas morning.

Joe sighed and made his way to the commotion. Steve’s eyes met Danny’s for a moment before he followed, just as Nahele started picking out gifts to open.

The first one was Joe’s.

“The tool every young boy should have”, Joe said solemnly as Nahele unpacked a shiny looking swiss army knife.

“ _Joe_ ”

Joe turned to Steve with feigned ignorance, “What? I gave _you_ one on your sixteenth birthday”.

“Thanks, Mr. White”, Nahele said, already starting to fiddle with it.

“It’s Joe, Nahele, you call me Joe”.

Nahele smiled a toothy grin.

After Nahele opened Kamekona’s and Lou’s – a fishhook necklace and an aloha shirt – Charlie got excited and insisted he helped out. And after they opened Tani’s and Jerry’s at the same time – a couple of threaded bracelets and a book, _“Asimov, you’re gonna love it”, “Uh, sure, Jerry, thanks_ ” – they picked up Danny’s and Steve’s, – _“I thought Eddie was my present”, “Well, you get two this time”_ – ripping them open at the same time too.

“No”.

“ _Danny_ ”.

“ _No_ ”.

“He’s _my_ son and you’re _converting_ him –“.

“ _Converting?_ Are you nuts? I’m showing him the _finer_ things in life –“.

“ _Finer?_ When was the last time the Devils even _classified_ –“.

“The _Penguins_ only have _Crosby_ – “.

“Oh boy”.

“Do you think they’ll take long with this?”.

“Well, considering Danno gave ‘Hele a Devils and a Jets jersey and Uncle Steve a Penguins and a Washington one, _yeah_ , this will take a while”.

“What about the Rangers, and the Giants?”.

 _“Shut up, Stan_ ”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song um minuto para o fim do mundo, CPM 22 (if there are other brazillians out there, shh, don't judge me), the actual quote is "o tempo corre contra mim".
> 
> chapter set around 8x03 and 8x04! though I kinda meshed those two eps together and tweaked it a bit. Also you guys probably noticed I'm not doing the restaurant subplot thing for this fic, I have no room for more plots in this and I only half-liked what they did with it on the show anyway. And I couldn't kill off Toast either for this one, i'm not even sorry.  
> Also also, Junior! the ray of sunshine puppy reigns is here.  
> And I was rewatching 8x04 and found weird steve wasn't more worried about nahele on the truck fire, but then i remembered this fic lives only in my head.
> 
> as always, thanks for reading! and thanks to everyone who sent me kind messages on my tumblr! i really loved getting them!
> 
> ps: i dont know if pancakes with ham, eggs and syrup are a thing in the US, but i used to have them back when i lived in london, so now steve makes them too i guess  
> pps: i WILL end up making any excuse to talk about hockey. And I know the washignton football team only changed their name recently, but i refuse to call them by the original name


	17. Alone but by your side

-

_On the matter of siblings_

-

“ _Koa, answer me!”_ , Steve could hear Tani yelling at her phone from her – formerly Kono’s – office.

She still had the excitement of being new to the job and even when Steve got in the office early, Tani would be already there, either working on their latest cases or just enjoying some loco moco for breakfast, with her feet up on her desk.

Though that day she was just yelling over the phone.

“You okay?”, Steve asked, popping his head inside her office.

She hadn’t done much with it yet. Steve had his father’s flag, the model ships and the plaques and medals, the dark wooden shelves. Danny had baseball memorabilia, pictures of Grace and Charlie and a whole shelve filled with books on police procedure that he liked to throw at Steve’s desk now and then. Steve liked to write little messages on the margins that he knew Danny would never read.

Kono and Chin had kept their offices pretty bare, with just some Hawaiian art laying around, though Kono had had a cabinet installed for her surfboard. Chin had considered getting a minifridge like Steve’s but ended up just hogging the one in his office and filling it up with coconuts. More than once Steve caught him with a huge bowie knife opening a coconut in his office.

Lou had a decoration approach more similar to Danny’s, with a Cubs’ flag on a wall, police books and pictures. Though he recently put up a huge photo of sailboat underneath the Cub’s flag, because _“It’s the closest Imma get to owning one”,_ or so he said.

Tani’s bare office was filled with the early sunlight that morning, though it was too soft yet to fill in every nook and cranny. The only thing she had done to it yet, was put a paddle board on Kono’s leftover cabinet and get a frog shaped pencil holder for her desk.

Steve eyed the frog as Tani recoiled in surprise, turning to him at the door.

“I, uh – yeah, yeah, no, I’m good. Thanks”.

Steve gave her a look and she fidgeted slightly.

“Koa is your younger brother, right?”, he asked gently, still standing by the door.

Tani deflated, “I guess the glass walls aren’t soundproof, huh?”.

“Nah, not really”.

She shook her head, “No, it’s – fine. It’s fine. I just – he keeps disappearing on me?”, she probably didn’t mean that as a question, but it came out as one anyway, “I worry. That’s all. Don’t worry about it”.

Steve just nodded quietly, “If you need any help, just say the word, alright?”.

She smiled, “Yeah, no, I’m good. I’m handling it”.

“You know you just said ‘yeah, no’, twice, right?”.

Her smiled turned brightly embarrassed as she winced.

“ _Yeah, no_ , I hear ya”, she said, “I’m just trying to keep him safe”.

Steve remembered back to the dozens calls from Mary when they were sent their separate ways to the mainland, after she was out of Deb’s house and on her college dorms. The calls about helping her out, paying for all the fines on open containers and DUI’s, all the parties she went to that got shut down by the cops and she’d end up in jail overnight, never willing to call Deb to say she screwed up again.

“Yeah, I get it. I really do”.

“You gotta a brother?”.

Steve nodded, “A sister actually, she – uh, well, she’s fine now, or at least she’s not as wild as she used to be. She’s a mom, adopted too. Yeah, she turned out alright. Uh, Mary, her name is Mary”, Steve rambled, “But I was worried there for a while”.

Tani eyed him seriously then, “What did you do?”, the morning sun was casting golden sunlight through her office’s windows, catching at the curly strands of her dark hair and at the hard edges of her face.

Steve rubbed at his neck as he leaned with his back against the doorjamb, thinking back to his younger self, “Not much. We weren’t close back then. For numerous reasons. She came to live here in Hawaii for a while, but she got kidnapped. For another numerous reasons. She had to move back to the mainland”.

“She got _kidnapped?_ ”, Tani questioned in surprise.

“It’s a long”, _long_ , “story. But after a while she found her way by herself, really”.

He thought back to that time again. Mary had been the one person he didn’t try meddling with, to help any way he could, nag her to let him in. He had let her live her life and she fixed it all without his help.

Steve guessed John McGarrett’s plan to send them their different ways worked too well in the end.

Tani shook her head, “Yeah, I don’t think I can just leave Koa to find his way alone. No offense”.

Steve dismissed it, “It’s fine. But if you want to bring him around next time we have a team gathering, you’re more than welcome. Mary used to have a hard time finding good people she could trust, so you can count on me to have yours and your brother’s back, okay?”.

Tani smiled softly.

“Thanks, boss. I’m pretty sure Koa has that problem too”, she said in a tired voice Steve recognized too well.

“And, y’know, everyone on the team is an older sibling, so you have a lot of people that can relate to you and help”.

Tani’s smile brightened again, “Really?”.

And Steve sat down in front of her, talking about Lou’s brother, who they never met aside from Lou’s stories, Jerry’s sister and the case with the captive elephant. He talked about Chin and Kono, how they were cousins, but Chin was always looking out for her. Steve talked about Danny and his entourage of younger siblings, though he couldn’t seem to mention Matty and everything that happened there. He still told her the monkey cage story though.

And he couldn’t stop thinking how weird it felt, the new addition to the team. Someone who wasn’t there from the beginning. Wasn’t there for Adam shooting Michael and having to flee the country with Kono. For all the IA’s investigation on Chin and his family. There for Columbia. For Wo Fat.

Steve had been slowly bringing Tani up to speed on the Interpol case and the constant threats on him, but to do so he had to bring up a lot of things he wished he could just leave behind him.

Steve needed to make Tani understand why the McGarrett name was on everyone’s hit list. He needed to talk about John and Doris McGarrett. John’s investigation. Shellburn. How the McGarrett name seemed to bring danger in its wake.

How they couldn’t seem to find a connection with whoever was threatening Steve, no matter how many files they poured over.

At least with Wo Fat, Steve had had his father’s toolbox to guide him. With this he was flying blind.

Joe and Harry had spent a couple more day in Hawaii after Nahele’s birthday, but any new information they could share with Steve only brought on more questions. That and the fact that their impromptu Hawaiian visit was a way of Interpol to keep tabs on Steve’s team and how they were faring with the new dynamic.

And Steve knew that as he was bringing Tani into that situation, he’d would have to do the same to Junior. He’d been gearing up for that for the last few days as he and Junior got better acquainted.

That kid was somewhat of a puzzle. Didn’t talk much about himself, seemed to have a streak of unwavering optimism. When Steve tried bringing up the adjustments to civilian life and other hardships from being veterans and Navy SEALS, Junior usually brushed it off with a small, crooked smile.

But Steve remembered first arriving on the island, how he’d fidget if he was stationery in a crowded place for too long, but he’d also fidget laying in his bed at night, because for the longest time silence meant something was wrong, that his rowdy team was on attention, or that they were about to be ambushed. How unsettling it was to sometimes notice how Chin’s instinct wasn’t to have the door and entry points always on his line of sight. How Danny and Kono bored so easily on stake outs.

So Steve wanted to be there for Junior, help him through this transition, even if he kept insisting he was fine.

That got tricky when Junior said he didn’t have a phone for Steve to contact. That in itself told Steve that the kid wasn’t adapting to civilian life as smoothly as he wanted it to seem.

So Steve had pulled a few strings to get the department to issue Five-0 a new cell he could pass along to Junior.

After a week, Steve was making a point of always checking in on him and his training officers at HPD. The kid was talented, everyone seemed to agree on that – Junior was a SEAL after all – but they all seemed to agree he was _too much_ of a SEAL to work as law enforcement. That he was too much like _Steve_.

So Steve worried.

On Nahele’s birthday, Tani and Junior seemed to hit it off as Five-0 newest rookies, even if Junior wasn’t one officially yet, but she said she hadn’t seen him in a couple of days, though she didn’t find it weird.

Steve still worried.

“He’s probably just busy”, Danny pondered, “We don’t know what he gets up to when he’s not at the academy”.

“That’s the problem, Danny”, Steve said, stretching his legs in front of him on those waiting room uncomfortable seats, “He may be getting into trouble. He’s a trained SEAL, trouble isn’t that hard to find”.

“Alas you admit it then”, Danny snickered.

They were at the hospital, waiting as Nahele was doing his check-up exams for the smoke inhalation a week before.

After the first few days Nahele already seemed much better, but Steve wasn’t taking any risks, so they still made the trip to Shriners for the doctor’s O.K.

And Steve had mentioned the check-up to Danny the day before, and somehow, the man had shown up at the hospital even before Steve and Nahele did, three coffees in hand. From a real coffee shop, not the hospital’s vending machine or cafeteria.

“You could always track his phone”, Danny offered, gesturing with his coffee cup in hand, and every time he did it, Steve noticed the people at the waiting room wincing, waiting for the cup to spill. Little did they know that if Danny Williams had a superpower, it was moving his hands as wildly as he could _with precision_.

“That’s a last resort, _Daniel_ ”, Steve reprimanded him.

Looking around the waiting room, he noticed more than just a couple of people paying attention to them. Steve sighed, the heavy air conditioning actually harsh against his nostrils. There weren’t too many situations that one of his and Danny’s discussions didn’t catch at least a bit of attention. Danny was loud and abrasive at the best of times, when Steve got him going it was almost mesmerizing.

Danny just shrugged by his side, sipping at his coffee.

“Says the guy who has never filed for a warrant in his life”, he mumbled.

Steve huffed, ready to retort when Nahele’s doctor appeared in the waiting room, calling him to his office.

Steve got up, about to keep arguing with Danny, but the other man made no move to follow him.

“What are you waiting for? An engraved invitation? C’mon”, Steve urged him impatiently.

Danny looked at him like he grown two heads, “What am I waiting for? Oh, I don’t know, maybe being Nahele’s actual parent?”, he ranted, “I didn’t think his potential guardian was invited to the appointment”.

Steve rolled his eyes, but his chest felt tight, “You’re so dramatic. _C’mon_ ”.

They made their way to the doctor’s office, where Nahele was already waiting. There was an awkward moment where the doctor kept referring to Steve and Danny as co-parents that Steve should have probably foreseen before asking Danny to come too.

Danny had a stretched out smile on his face.

Ten minutes later, Nahele’s lungs were cleared as healthy, though some of the burns he suffered still needed more time to heal.

Steve tried counting it as a win.

“I’m just glad I’m not sneezing black goo anymore”, Nahele said with a sniff as they made their way to the parking lot.

Danny grimaced, “That’s disgusting”.

Nahele grimaced too as he nodded in agreement.

Steve was just glad his kid was okay. Or at least more okay than he was the week before.

“So, where did you land on the Junior situation?”, Danny asked as they got to truck, Danny’s Camaro just a few spots away.

Nahele had been on his way to the passenger side, then turned back, “What about Junior?”.

“I’ve just been trying to call him for a couple days and he still hasn’t gotten back to me”.

Nahele leaned sideways on the trucks bed, his pensive look on, “Are you worried something happened?”.

Steve could tell his own need to make sure everyone was okay was rubbing off on his kid. He couldn’t decide yet if it was a good thing or not.

Danny turned to him too, expectantly waiting for his response.

Steve crossed his arms over his front, “I don’t even know if I have a reason to”.

“Don’t you know where he lives?”, Nahele asked around a confused scowl.

“Yeah, don’t you?”, Danny joined in.

Steve had to sigh. Those two ganging up on him was something that was happening more and more, “The only address I have for him is his parents’ house, but I don’t think he’s living with them”.

“Why not?”, Danny pressed.

“I just don’t, Danny. He’s a SEAL, he just got out of active duty, going back to civilian life on his parents’ house would be too big of a change. I assumed he was staying at the base’s dorms”.

He and Danny stared at each other, frowning as they thought it over.

“Hm, dad?”, Nahele called quietly, “Have you checked any shelters?”.

“Shelters?”, Steve frowned.

Nahele’s confused scowl turned into a thoughtful one again, “Well, yeah. If he’s not at his parents’, and he’s in the academy with no job, he probably doesn’t have a place of his own”, he shrugged though he was still scowling, “So is either the dorms like you said, or he’s in a homeless shelter. If he’s in a shelter his phone probably got stolen”, he almost shrugged again but seemed to stop himself, “The one or two times I got in a shelter I never had any troubles, but some people there said they had stuff disappear, specially if it’s something easy to sell like a phone. And there’s always loads of vets there”.

Steve and Danny stood in stunned silence, making Nahele fidget and scratch at his healing scabs.

“That makes a lot of sense, actually”, Danny admitted, “When did you get to be so smart, huh?”, he said, tilting his chin to Nahele, who scrunched his nose in response.

Steve kept thinking about it all the way back to the house. He maybe had time for a quick lunch with Nahele before he had to come back to HQ, but his mind was wondering, and he found himself neatly organizing all the ingredients for a salad on the counter for ten minutes, separating everything in food groups and then by size.

“What’re you gonna do? If Junior’s living in a shelter?”, Nahele appeared by the door after letting Eddie out on the lanai.

Steve sighed, “I don’t know. I’m not sure I can do anything”.

Which was a somewhat of a lie. Steve’s first instinct was to ask Junior to come live with them. That’s what he probably would have done without a second thought, before he adopted Nahele. But now he had to consider Nahele’s needs first. If there was one thing he learned above all else from watching Danny raising Grace, it was that.

With Junior being Five-0 bound, if he were to live there, there would be at least one more gun to worry about in the house. Or maybe it’d be too disruptive to their routine. Nahele had made an enormous amount of progress on treating the house as his home, Steve didn’t want to set him back. Maybe –

“You’re looking a lot like Danny, y’know?”, Nahele said around a small smile.

“What?”.

“Like you’re worried about a bunch of things that might not happen”.

Steve huffed out a laugh, though he kind of felt nauseous. He was never one to overthink things. “Yeah? Yeah, I kinda am”, Steve looked over to his son, breathing in slowly, “What do you think I should do?”.

“Me?”.

“Yeah. I think if anyone knows what to do right now is you”.

Nahele scowled in thought for a second, coming in the kitchen and making a mess of Steve’s organization system as he grabbed a bowl to get the salad together.

Steve waited him out quietly. Steve had noticed that Nahele always thought things over better with his hands busy.

“I’d be cool with it if you offered the guest room”, Nahele said after a while, “If Junior really is at the shelter and all that”.

“You sure? You barely know him”

Nahele nodded, “Yeah, but he was cool, back on my birthday. I think this’ll be good”.

“Okay then, that’s settled”.

-

Danny always knew Steve McGarrett was big softie at heart. He also knew Nahele was just like him. So the fact that he got a call the next day to come over to Steve’s before work and help move some furniture around on the guest bedroom didn’t exactly come as a surprise.

What came as a surprise was:

“That’s your ladder? That’s two broomsticks with toothpicks in between!”.

The ladder in question was against the garage doors as Steve and Danny argued outside on the driveway. To Danny it looked two seconds away from being just mold held together by termites.

“It’s a _good_ ladder, Danny, and, what, you’re the size of a mouse, you barely weigh anything anyway”.

“ _A mouse?_ Seriously?”, Danny yelled, “And _I’m_ supposed to go up the death-ladder? I thought we were maybe moving the twin beds, the linen closet that just going to be a regular closet, but you want me to go up in your _attic_? I didn’t even know _you had_ an attic _!_ ”.

Steve rolled his eyes with his whole body.

“It’s _not_ an attic, it’s just a little space over the garage”.

“I think, _I think_ , that constitutes an attic, Steve”, Danny grumbled, “And why, again, am I doing this? Where is your mouse-sized son? Where is _Junior_? The guy who you’re actually doing this for?”.

“ _Danny_ ”, Steve snapped, “I just need you to go in there, move some things around, so I can fill a couple of boxes of stuff I still had on my old bedroom, _okay?_ ”.

Danny crossed his arms over his chest, staring at Steve like he did at the grocery store when they tried cutting him a bad piece of brisket, “You didn’t answer my question, Steven”.

Steve put his hands on his hips, scowling at him, “ _Nahele_ is getting ready for his shift at the shrimp truck after Kamekona _very begrudgingly_ gave him last week off. And Junior already left to go meet up with Tani apparently”.

Now _that_ was not what he was expecting, “ _Tani?_ Guess they hit it off at the party, huh?”.

“Are you gonna go up or not?”, Steve complained, “I still have to drop Nahele off and you’re gonna make us late to the office. Lou’s in the mainland and if we catch a case Tani and Jerry can’t be handling it alone”.

Danny looked up to the annoyingly blue Hawaiian skies in exasperation, “Fine, _fine_ ”, he said, then moving inside the garage, “Give me that damn thing”.

Danny strode forward and under the little hatch door on the garage ceiling. Though he did not appreciate Steve towering over him to grab at the chord hanging under it to pull it open.

“You guys okay?”, Nahele appeared by the garage door, Eddie in tow, as they placed the ladder against the attic entryway, “I heard screaming and didn’t know if it was normal screaming or not”.

“Normal screaming, kid, don’t worry”, Danny exhaled. He gave the musty ladder one last critical look before putting his feet over the first step. When the whole thing didn’t crumble beneath him, he started climbing it.

He poked his head inside the attic, and it really was just one small space filled with boxes.

“I don’t think I can fit anything else in here, Steve. You should think about going over – “

Three things happened at once.

First, the doorbell rang. Second, Eddie barked and Danny heard his paws hitting the floor quickly. Third, Steve yelled, “ _Eddie, no!_ ”, before the ladder was knocked out of place and from under Danny’s feet.

He fell.

There was a bunch of thuds and bangs, a sharp pain going up his left arm and then his back hit the floor.

“ _Holy shit, Danno_ , you okay?”, he heard Nahele fret somewhere above him, making Danny realize he had his eyes closed.

He had to take a deep breath around the pain radiating from his arm before opening his eyes. Danny could still hear Eddie barking inside the house. Nahele was standing beside him, looking down, but Steve was right there, crouching so close his knees were ribbing him, hands hovering over Danny’s most likely broken arm.

Danny started to sit up, arm pulled against his chest.

“Easy, _easy_ ”, Steve warned, a hand then coming up Danny’s back to support him.

“Don’t _easy_ me”, Danny grumbled as he laid his back against the Marquis’ wheel with an _oof_ , “It’s too late for _easy_ , you putz”.

Steve looked put out for just a second before approaching Danny again.

“I think you hit your arm over the car when you fell”, Steve said with a wince, “Lemme see it”.

“You’re a medic now?”.

“ _No_ , but just lemme _see it_ ”.

“Nuh uh, you’re gonna make it worse”.

“ _I’m not_ ”, Steve assured him quietly, “I swear, okay? Just – can you move it?”

“Should I call an ambulance? Maybe Noelani?”, Nahele offered, still standing above them.

“No, kid, it’s fine”, Danny said between labored breaths against the pain, “I just need to go to the hospital to set it right”.

“Can you go check who’s at the front door, please?”, Steve asked.

Nahele hesitated for a second before obeying.

Steve watched him go before turning back to Danny, “C’mon, can you move your arm at all? Maybe your hand?”, he repeated.

Danny felt his fingers move a fraction of an inch before it became too painful. His brain was actually refusing to tell his arm to move.

“Fuck, I don’t know. I think my hand can move a bit”, Danny answered.

“Stand still”, Steve told him as he put his hands lightly over Danny’s arm, moving it only slightly away from his body so he could feel it between his hands. His touch so soft Danny almost didn’t feel it. Almost. He still grimaced, “Fuck, Danny, I don’t think it’s broken, but we should really go to the hospital, okay? C’mon, I’ll help you stand up”.

Danny was about to say he didn’t need to be coddled, but he found that if he didn’t talk, he could breathe better through the pain.

“It was the neighbor Eddie doesn’t like”, Nahele reported back, popping in the garage again as Danny and Steve stood up slowly.

“Okay, are your things ready for work?”, Steve asked. His hand was still on Danny’s back, “We’ll drop Danny off at Queen’s and I’ll take you to work and double back”.

“Yeah, I’m good”, Nahele said.

“Help Danny to the truck and I’ll close up the house”, Steve said, finally taking his hand off Danny’s back.

“Do I have a say in any of this?”, Danny yelled out after Steve’s back.

Nahele made to grab his other arm, but Danny shook his hand in front of him, “I’m good. It’s my arm that’s busted, not my legs”.

They walked to the truck outside on the driveway, Nahele very clearly trying not to hover.

“Is it okay?”, he asked.

Danny breathed, “Your dad said it’s not broken, but I think I might actually have to kill him for his stupidity”.

Nahele scrunched his nose in a smile. Then he frowned.

“What?”, Danny asked.

“I, uh, I called you ‘Danno’? Before”, he mumbled, “I just – “.

“Huh?”, Danny played it back in his mind, “Huh, I guess you did”, he said, turning slightly to the kid as they stood beside the Silverado, the blazing sun suddenly too hot on Danny’s skin and scalp, “It’s okay, Nahele. I’m only angry when _he_ does it”, he said, out of habit more than anything. He couldn’t pinpoint when he stopped minding hearing it from Steve, but he actually didn’t mind it at all.

“Oh. Okay – yeah, okay”, Nahele smiled again.

They got in the car and waited another five minutes for Steve. Danny realized that if he counted back from one hundred, he got bored enough that it distracted him from the pain.

Things blurred together after that, getting in the hospital, going through X-Ray’s and waiting on doctors. By the time they left the hospital it was almost lunch time and the traffic was heavy and stationery. Danny had a shiny, weird, mechanical brace on his arm, pain meds in his pocket and a scowl on his face.

But the scowl only lasted until Steve said: “I’m sorry, okay? About this – whole thing”.

Danny looked over to him, almost analytically. Steve glanced back at him quickly then back on the road as they moved at a snail pace.

“What?”.

Danny shrugged, “I’m just trying to see if you’re really Steve McGarrett or if you got switched back at the hospital”.

Steve squinted with his whole face, “What the hell you’re talking about?”.

“Oh, nothing, I just didn’t think you were gonna be considerate enough to actually apologize”, he said.

“Do you _want me_ to take it back? Because I will”.

Danny smirked, “No, by all means, humanity is a good look on you, babe”.

And Danny could’ve sworn he saw some red creeping in Steve’s cheeks.

But before he could think of something to say _to that_ , Steve’s phone started ringing.

Steve gave Danny one last sideways glance before picking up.

“McGarrett”, he answered.

“Steve,”, came Lou’s breathless voice, “I need you to get in touch with the Chicago DA, he ain’t gonna take my call, but he’ll take yours”, Lou urged. Steve and Danny shared a confused look, “I want you to tell him… _We got Clay Maxwell_ , for murdering his wife”, he said fiercely.

Danny sat up straight, looking at the car’s sound outlets like they would make the call make sense.

“Wait a minute, what’re you talking about, Lou?”, Steve asked.

“ _Proof._ ”, came the immediate response, “ _Proof, baby_. I got Clay confessing to killing Diane and putting a hit _on me_ ”, a shaky breath, “because I wouldn’t let it go”.

They shared another speechless look before Steve answered, “Alright, buddy, I’ll call the DA and get back to you”.

“Mahalo, brother”, Lou said before he hung up.

“You’re going there, right?”, Danny asked, turning slightly on the seat to stare at Steve’s profile, his jaw set, and eyes focused ahead. It looked like his SEAL face, but it didn’t get there yet.

“Yeah. I will. But I –“

“I’ll stay with Nahele and Junior at the house. Grace’s on the Aloha Girls’ camp for a week or so, and Charlie can bunk with Junior or me when I get him tomorrow”, Danny said, already planning everything in his mind.

Steve stopped the car as the traffic jammed. The five-minute trip around a couple blocks to get to the palace from Queen’s was taking double the time.

“You sure?”, Steve said, one hand still on the wheel, the other clenching over the gear.

“Well, Junior and Nahele only met a couple of times, the guy hasn’t even moved in properly, I don’t think is a good idea to let them be awkwardly trying to interact with each other while you sail away to the mainland”.

Steve deflated against the seat, hands coming up to his face.

“Yeah, you right. You’re right”, he mumbled, “Thanks, Danno”.

Danny froze as Steve’s hand came up to him, landing on his shoulder with a squeeze.

-

“Are you sure it’s all right? I’m more than happy to stay with him a couple more days”, Rachel said over the phone.

Danny glanced at Jerry from the passenger seat before answering, “We’ve stayed at Steve’s before. Charlie will be thrilled. And Nahele’s on summer vacation, he’s better than a babysitter because Charlie actually _likes him_ ”.

He heard a low hum and knew to wait Rachel out. He didn’t want to pull on the “we’ve had already agreed I’ll be staying with Charlie” card yet.

“They can go walking on the beach with Eddie”, Jerry offered, not even trying to pretend he wasn’t listening in on the call.

Danny still relayed the information.

Rachel hummed again.

Danny put a hand over the speaker, turning to Jerry, “Thanks for driving me around today by the way” he whispered.

“It’s okay, I’ll just hold this over your head next time I wanna lobby for some field work with the Commander”.

Danny’s mouth snapped open, “Look at you, buddy. Tryna move up the food chain, huh?”.

Jerry shrugged, but Danny could still see the bashfulness in the gesture. “Just trying to be useful to the team, y’know? I wanna do more than just stay behind the computer”.

“ _Daniel_ , are you listening to me?”, he heard Rachel complaining on the line.

“ _Yes, dear_ ”, he answered out of reflex. Then cleared his throat, “Hm, sorry, what?”.

Danny wondered if the amount of baggage he and Rachel had would ever not be on the way of them trying to have any contact with each other.

“I said _fine_ , _sweetheart_ ”, she said, as sarcastically as Danny did before, “Are you picking Charlie up or do I drop him off? I have a – _lawyer_ meeting tomorrow, I can probably make it to Steve’s before then”.

“Yeah, that’d be great, Rach, thanks”.

She laughed, probably seeing his feeble attempt to make nice.

“Goodbye, Daniel”, she enunciated before hanging up on him.

Danny puffed out his cheeks in a breath as he leaned against the seat, rubbing at his injured arm absentmindedly.

They drove through the dark streets, Jerry’s old car making enough sound for itself that it covered the lull of conversation.

“Y’know, you can probably ask Steve, or you know, _me_ , to get you into a few courses at HPD. From time to time they have workshops for the officers, not just recruits.”.

“Like what, self-defense?”

“Yeah, that too, I guess. But loads of other things that can make you better in the field. Classes on undercover work, car chasing training, all that”.

Jerry eyed him as the lights from streetlamps lighted the inside of the car sporadically, “You really think I should do this?”.

Danny shrugged, “Don’t know about ‘ _should’_ or ‘ _shouldn’t’_ , but if it’s something you really want to do, then there’s steps to getting there. Steve can probably teach you a lot too, though don’t tell him I said that”.

Jerry snorted, “Sure thing”.

Danny got to the McGarrett house right before dinner, duffel bag over his good shoulder, Charlie’s things on a bag on his good hand. Steve had already left for the airport by then, leaving on a red eye to the mainland.

The house was quiet and smelling of cleaning supplies, the heavy-duty kind. Junior was by the carpet under Steve – formerly John’s – desk, Eddie and Nahele standing to the side.

“What’s going on?”, he asked, leaving the bags by the door as he came closer to inspect.

Nahele turned to him, “Eddie dropped one on the carpet”.

Danny winced as he looked over Junior scrubbing the carpet with cleaning supplies, “Eddie’s fault or you two forgot to take him outside?”.

“It’s my fault, sir”, Junior said, “The Commander said to take him out before dinner. I forgot”.

“I offered to clean it”, Nahele intervened, “I cleaned my fair share of Eddie’s poops by now”.

Eddie whined lowly by Nahele’s foot.

“It’s okay”, Junior huffed as he scrubbed.

Danny hummed, “What’s for dinner?”.

“I’m making that spaghetti meatballs we did before”, Nahele said.

“I offered to cook, but…“, Junior gestured to the stain on the carpet.

Danny chuckled quietly to himself and went back for his duffle. Trying to low himself enough to grab it and not pull on his bad arm.

“You’re staying in dad’s room?”, Nahele asked, and knowing that the kid knew about Danny’s feeling for Steve, _Nahele’s father_ , made him feel heat coming up to his cheeks.

He wondered if they should talk about that, but he really didn’t want to have that conversation. Grace was bad enough already.

Danny had to clear his throat before speaking, “Yeah, well, he’s not using it”, he answered as nonchalantly as he could, “I’m too old for the couch, kid”.

Nahele scrunched his nose.

That first night went smoothly, though Junior didn’t seem to have met a chore he didn’t want to offer to do. Nahele and Danny would share an amused look as the guy seemed to bend over backwards to do the dishes and clean the kitchen.

Which Danny was almost tempted to let him, though he didn’t. After Duclair’s forest fire, Flippa’s truck and now his twisted arm, Danny’s body was _tired_. He had gone to his doctor after the Kamekona ordeal, and his doctor had taken a good five minutes of just staring at him with bugged out eyes as he told him about everything.

Danny had been steadily recovering ever since finding out about the radiation poisoning almost four months before, but he wasn’t completely out of the woods just yet.

His doctor told him he was past the latent stage in the disease, and would probably soon find out if he had any underlying illness to address due to the radiation.

Danny had felt nauseous just from that talk.

But his case had been mild, his symptoms delayed, his bone marrow wasn’t affected too harshly, and aside from the normal affects of being in two separate fires, the only thing he seemed to have was a low blood count.

But Danny was _fine_.

Maybe he got a little tired too fast, a bit too winded if they caught a case that he needed to chase some loon around for a few minutes. Or if he did any kind of house chore that took too long.

The doctor told him to avoid any case that might risk an infection as he moved through that stage in the radiation sickness, because it could mean the difference between moving forward to the recovery stage or – well, or not moving forward.

But he was _fine_.

If he always saw the worst in every situation, he was making it up now with blind denial.

Thankfully, Grace had been too busy getting ready for the Aloha Girls camp and then being on the camp to worry about him. Though Rachel and Kono called him constantly for updates.

Danny’s talk with Charlie about it made him want to cry as he watched his son bawl his tiny fists around his shirt, a confused frown as he tried to understand.

By breakfast on the next day, Danny was ready to spend at least a few hours with Charlie. This whole mess with Rachel and Stan had him seeing even less of his son.

And by breakfast it had also become clear that Junior might have left the Navy, but the Navy certainly didn’t leave him yet. Danny had counted at least thirty _sir’s_ the night before, and much like Steve, the guy woke up at the crack of dawn, taking Eddie in tow as he went running or swimming or whatever it was people did at that time of the day.

As Danny made his way to the kitchen, passing by the guest room, now Junior’s, the guy had barely touched anything. His clothes were neatly folded in a row of tubes by his duffel over the bed, Danny could see his other pair of shoes and flip-flops peaking under the bed, side by side.

Danny laughed to himself before he kept going down the stairs. He could hear the ocean and smell it even from inside the house, the morning air almost stale in between the closed doors of the McGarrett home.

Danny navigated Steve’s kitchen with some ease, though he still fumbled looking for Steve’s secret artisanal coffee stash.

As he finished brewing some coffee, Nahele bundled down the stairs, still looking half-asleep.

“You know you’re on summer vacation, right?”, he said, eyeing the clearly morning grumpy teenager, “You could wake up after lunch if you wanted”.

Nahele shrugged with a grunt, “Coffee”, he rasped, starting to reach for the pot.

Danny pulled it closer to himself.

“Are you crazy? First, water. Then some food. _Third_ , comes the coffee”, he ripped, counting on his finger. Nahele made a confused face, almost a pout, “This is battery acid for your stomach, okay? Trust me, you don’t wanna have an ulcer on your twenties”.

“Morning, sir. Morning, Nahele”, Junior said, coming up the back door to the kitchen, Eddie by his feet dragging sand over the kitchen’s floor.

“Steve – uh, dad usually hoses his feet down before coming in”, Nahele said around a yawn, staring lazily at Eddie as he eyed hungrily the small kitchen table they sat around.

Junior stopped in his tracks, halfway to the cupboards, “Oh, shoot. I’m sorry, I’ll do that”.

“Nah”, Nahele yawned again, “I’ll do it, since I’m deprived of coffee, apparently”.

Danny snorted. Who’d thought the kid was that snarky when he woke up?

“No, no, it’s fine”, Junior scrambled to say, but Nahele was already calling Eddie out the door again.

Danny kept smiling quietly to himself, remembering how he missed living in a full house. Though back in Jersey there was a lot more yelling early in the morning, the smell of burnt coffee because his dad always forgot the pot on, and the cold air filtering through a crack in the window every winter because his mom used to say it helped her wake up properly in the morning.

“So, uh, did you sleep well?”, Danny asked, trying to sound casual as he sipped at his water, leaning against the table.

He didn’t have much of one on one time with Junior yet, so he was still trying to feel things out.

Junior looked over to him for a second as he roamed around the kitchen cabinets and drawers. Danny was sure Steve had only needed to point where everything was once for Junior to memorize it. Danny still forgot which drawer had the potholders.

“Yes, sir”, Junior answered in his ever-present good humor, “You?”.

“Me? Like a baby”, which, for once, was true. He popped his pain meds in his mouth, buried his head under the million – actually four – pillows over Steve’s bed and just drifted off to sleep, “What, uh, what’re you doing? No one eats that much mango. Or pineapple”, he asked, tilting himself so he could spy on what Junior was doing properly.

“Hm? Just cutting these for breakfast, sir, you guys can dig in too”

“That’s – nice. Hey, you can maybe space out the ‘sir’s’, yeah? Like, once every five minutes or one hundred words”.

Junior looked back at him, with surprise first then with an embarrassed laugh, “Yes, sir – uh, yes. _Yes_ ”.

Danny snorted again.

Nahele came back in the kitchen, “Eddie, carpet”, he ordered, and Eddie whined before laying obediently on the mat by the back door, wet paws slowly sipping water into it as Nahele pushed Eddie’s food bow closer with his feet.

Danny pushed a glass of water towards Nahele as the kid sat by the small table with him, who grumbled before taking it.

“Junior is taking care of the fruits over there”, Danny said, “What else you eat for breakfast?”.

Nahele shrugged, eyes still droopy with sleep, “Dad makes pancakes sometimes, I mostly do eggs or toast, maybe both”, he mumbled.

“I can do an omelet”, Junior offered, “I’m just finishing up here”.

“It’s fine”, Nahele said, getting up and fumbling around the cabinets for a frying pan. Danny wondered if he should help out with something, but three people roaming around that kitchen seemed like the perfect situation to get an eye poked out. “You know, you don’t have to be super nice to me just to impress my dad, right? He’s not even here”, Nahele said.

Danny looked over to see Junior stop in place like a statue again. He turned to them and cleared his throat, tried a smile, cleared his throat again, and finally started speaking, “I know, yeah. It’s, uh, I’m not being _super nice_ because of the Commander”, Danny rolled his eyes at the title-drop, Junior’s eyes were skidding around between the kitchen counter, Danny and then Nahele, “It’s just, uh, you’re a good kid. And, uh – my little sister was a lot like you.”.

“A bit loopy in the mornings?”, Danny offered, making Junior laugh quietly and Nahele glare at him.

“Yeah”, he said, still smiling, “I’m done here”, he said, putting a bowl with chopped fruit in front of Danny, “Imma take a shower real quick and join you guys”.

Danny started picking the mangoes from the bowl and popping it in his mouth, trying to listen to Junior’s quiet steps on the stairs. He couldn’t listen to Steve’s either.

“He said ‘was’, right?”, Nahele asked, still turned to the oven as he watched the eggs.

“You caught that too?”.

Danny saw Nahele’s head bob up and down before he turned to Danny, “You know what happened?”.

Danny shook his head, now picking the pineapples from the bow – just because Steve wasn’t there to see it.

“No, but he’ll talk about it if he wants to”.

Nahele nodded again, a crease appearing between his brows.

“Scrambled?”, Nahele asked, turning back to the sizzling pan. By the strong smell coming from the pan, Danny could tell the kid had a heavy hand for butter like Kamekona.

“I thought you were making omelets”.

“ _Shit”_.

“Language”.

“I said _shit_ yesterday”, _and other times_ , Danny could tell.

“I had just broken my arm, you got a pass”.

“You didn’t _break_ your arm, Danno”.

Danny felt something warm at the nickname and forgot to retort.

“Hey, uh, I need to tell you something”, Nahele said after a few beats of silence.

“Yeah?”.

Nahele nodded, body turned sideways on the stove, but head tilted to the pan, away from Danny.

“Hey, you can tell me, whatever it is”, Danny assured him.

Nahele’s head turned to him then, face stuck in a hesitant frown.

“Back when I – when Flippa’s truck got torched. And you took me to the hospital”, Danny nodded in encouragement for him to keep going, “I heard you. You and Grace talking on the car”.

Danny frowned too, “Yeah?”.

“That you were sick. Uh, with radiation poisoning”, Nahele casted his eyes down. Danny suddenly wasn’t breathing, “I didn’t talk to dad about it. He never told me anything about it, so I assumed he didn’t know”.

Danny cursed in his head, about to rub at his eyes when a twinge in his arm stopped him.

“Yeah, he doesn’t know”, Danny murmured.

“I don’t wanna lie”.

Danny grimaced, “I know, I know. You’re a good kid”, Danny bit at his top lip as he thought it over, “If you’re in a situation that you feel like you need to tell him, it’s okay to tell him. Just don’t tell him unprompted, please?”.

“Why don’t you tell him? You told him about – everything else.”.

“I…”, Danny didn’t have an answer for that. Other than, _he didn’t know how_. “I need things to be a little less hectic. And I’m fine, okay? You don’t have to worry. _Steve_ doesn’t have to worry”.

Nahele scrunched his nose, eyes narrowed, “You sure?”.

Danny sniffed. Then again.

“You’re burning the eggs”.

“ _Shit_ ”.

“ _Language_ ”.

“ _Ugh”._

-

“So, I guess that’s it, huh?”, Steve said as they walked out of Lou’s old precinct in Chicago.

Lou closed his eyes as he smiled at the overcast sky. The weather was nice there in the middle of June, though a little too humid in comparison to the seaside in Hawaii.

“Yup”, Lou answered, eyes still closed, “ _Man_ , I can breathe again”.

“You do look more alive, brother”, Steve said, smiling.

Lou shook himself before they resumed walking. Steve could swear the man was almost skipping.

They had spent hours talking to District’s Attorney, the precinct’s captain, and an IA detective that was going to handle the case. After everything, Lou was going to have to make maybe two or more trips to the mainland as they re-opened Clay’s case, but it all seemed to have worked out.

Steve just hoped that a conviction would re-open Lou’s relationships with his old friends in the force there. At least to keep his mind at peace about Samantha going to university there.

“Y’know, I couldn’t help but notice we have a day layover on those cheap ass tickets you bought”, Lou said.

“Yeah?”.

Lou hummed.

“A layover in San Francisco”.

“Yeah, it’s halfway back to Hawaii”.

Lou hummed again, a content look on his face. His bright aloha shirt like a statement against the gray buildings around them.

“Did you tell Chin we’re coming?”, he asked.

Steve smirked, looking up the buildings around them, “Nope”, he answered, “Thought we make a surprise visit”.

Lou chuckled beside him.

That was how 8 hours later they were knocking on Chin’s new home, right before dinner.

They only had to wait a second before Sara’s voice came through the door, _“I’ll get it!”_.

She opened the door and screeched as only a six-year-old could, “ _Uncle Lou! Uncle Steve!”_ as she jumped up and down until Steve picked her up.

“Sara, you okay?!”, came Chin’s alarmed voice as the man himself appeared on the door, stopping in his tracks as he saw them.

“Uncle Chin, look who it is!”, Sara yelled out brightly, clinging to Steve’s neck.

Chin looked at the two of them in awe for a second before his face broke in a fond smile, “Yeah, sweetie, I see who it is”.

They all hugged, Steve said _Aloha_ and it all felt like coming home.

Abby yelled out in surprise when she saw them appearing in her kitchen. Steve and Lou helped with making more food since they dropped in unannounced. Lou had picked out a couple of bottles of wine on their way there and by the time they finished cooking, the bottles were already nice and cool on the fridge.

Chin told them about the move, the city and the people. Sara talked about her school and her new friends. Then Abby started talking about the task force, how hard it was to get the right people together, though thankfully she still knew some good people on the force there.

Steve and Lou told them about Tani and Junior, though Lou only learned about Junior’s new living situation on the flight to San Francisco, because it was the only time they actually had to calm down and talk since Steve had landed back in Chicago.

“It isn’t like Five-0”, Abby was saying, “Coughlin made it clear immunity and means wasn’t something we could afford here”.

“There’s a lot of getting used to”, Chin agreed, “I don’t have the same connections than back home, and the police department is kind of keeping their distance for now”.

Steve couldn’t help but smile, “Sounds a lot like Five-0 to me. We started like that”.

Chin smiled too.

As the night went on Sara kept yawning more and more until Abby took her to get ready for bed. Sara went around the table giving goodnight hugs and the three men watched her and Abby walk out of the kitchen.

“How are things going over here?”, Lou asked, “Aside from the job?”.

Chin moved his head from side to side, “Busy, mostly. And hm… Might get busier”, he raised his eyebrows at them.

Steve started to smile, “Is he saying what I think he’s saying?”, Steve leaned in against Lou in a fake whisper.

“I think he is”, Lou whispered back.

Chin only smiled wide, “Yeah, me and Abby are thinking about trying, or, at least trying to start thinking about trying. Our schedules aren’t really baby friendly right now”.

“Seriously?”, Steve moved forward then, ready to jump and hug the guy.

Chin nodded, “We’re actually considering adopting”.

And now Steve felt a sting on his eyes.

“Hey, do one of each”, Lou said.

“Don’t joke about that”, Chin said, but still got up to round the table and hug them.

By the time Abby came back down, Steve was starting to feel himself on his way to being tipsy. He was about to cut himself off and suggest getting a cab back to their hotel, when:

“So…”, Lou started.

“Danny”, Chin completed.

Steve winced, then glanced at Abby.

“Oh, we’re married, Steve”, she said in innocent smile, gesturing between her and Chin, “And Chin is a secret gossip. Everything you know I know too”.

“Well, that’s a terrifying thought”, Lou mumbled.

Chin cleared his throat, “Well – But we’re talking about Steve now. And Danny”.

“What about him?”, Steve groaned.

“Well, you barely talk about him when we I call, so I was hoping for an update on the situation with you guys”, Chin griped.

And maybe it was the three glasses of wine. Maybe the fact that Steve was just a little jet-lagged. Or maybe he just wanted to put his thoughts into words and have someone to listen to them, because with little to no preamble, he blurted:

“Danny said he was in love with me”.

Making Lou spit back in his wine glass and Chin’s eyes go comically wide as Abby let out a loud laugh, immediately followed by her covering her mouth murmuring, _“Oh shit, Sara”_.

“Now, wait a minute”, Lou said, wiping the wine from his chin, “Did he actually say ‘ _in love’_? Because you guys say you love each other all the time”.

Steve nodded, “Yeah. Yeah, he did”.

“Then why aren’t you, I don’t know, _glowing_ in excitement or something?”, Lou asked, giving him a fake smile as to demonstrate.

”Steve,”, Chin said, “This is huge! And somehow you look like Danny said he was moving back to Jersey”, he frowned.

Steve gave a dry laugh, “I don’t even know. Most days I’m actually trying not to think about it”.

“Steve – “, he couldn’t tell which of the man said it.

Suddenly he felt too sober. Or too drunk.

Steve was looking down at the table, that night playing itself in his mind. The warm air inside the house, the drying dishes on the rack. Danny beside him.

“I know I can’t risk him”, Steve murmured, “Hesse killed my father because I had his brother. Four years ago, that cartel knew me and they knew to use Catherine to their advantages”, Steve knew that if he was ever on that side of that call again, there wouldn’t be a negotiation, any plans, he wouldn’t hesitate to do whatever was asked of him if it meant keeping who he cared about most in this world _safe_ , “And I don’t wanna be obsessing about this, it’s not who I am. To worry about all these things that might or might not happen. But this time I don’t even know _who’s coming after me_ , I don’t know what they look like, their connections, _nothing_. But _I do_ know two things. I know how ruthless they can be”, he breathed, a frown etched to his face, “And I know _I can’t fucking lose him_ ”.

He saw Chin’s hand come up to wrap around one of his wrists, holding it tightly until Steve looked back at him. “I get it, okay? I _really do_ get it. Don’t you think I thought the same thing with Abby? After – Malia?”, he said, and Abby put a hand on his back.

Steve nodded quietly, feeling his chest tight, and his head light with wine.

“You gotta admit it’s pretty damn crazy though”, Lou chipped in to lighten the mood again, “A month ago you thought everything was just in yo head, now it turns out Danny’s actually crazy for you”.

Steve couldn’t help but snort. Maybe he should’ve cut himself off sooner. “Why you gotta make it sound like that?”.

He heard Chin chuckle too.

“Like what?”, Lou asked, voice getting high.

Steve was starting to really laugh, “It _is_ pretty fucking crazy, Lou. Danny’s _in love_ with me”, Steve thought back to getting punched in the face seven years ago and actually giggled.

“I’m really not getting why’s it funny”, Lou said, a confused smile on his face that only made Chin and Steve laugh more. He looked at Abby who just shrugged.

“Danny _freaking_ Williams, brah”, Chin snickered, Steve laughed louder, “I still remember – “, he hiccupped, “ _Remember_ when he’d hit on every. Single. Woman we’d meet”.

Steve winced, trying to stop laughing.

Of all the places he thought life would take him, this was probably not even on the list.

After years of trying to make it work with Catherine, after probably a hundred near-death experiences, after watching Danny go back and forth with women, then discovering he had a son and everything blowing up with Rachel. After Steve had Catherine _lie_ and leave him. Then having his _best friend_ be in love with him, having adopted a son, gotten a dog, all the while having a target on his back.

Steve had to laugh.

“Ok, ok, ok”, Lou tried calming them down, “But what about you, huh?”.

“What about me?”, Steve wheezed.

“Are _you_ in love with Danny?”.

“Aw, buddy”, Steve grimaced, “Way to spoil the fun”.

“That’s not an answer”, Abby said, “Is that an answer, Lou?”.

“No, ma’am”, Lou said, almost smugly, “It ain’t”.

“Well, that’s because”, Steve said, leaning forward on the table to stare at the other two, “You’re not getting one”.

It wasn’t like Steve could give an answer anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from the song all is now harmed, by ben howard (seriously guy, if this fic does anything, let it be you listening to the his songs and thinking about mcdanno like me)
> 
> chapter set somewher between 8x05 and 8x07 though it's barely episode related this time.  
> i realized these last few chapter didn't have that much mcdanno and were more me getting some actual plot done, so im sorry if its kinda boring, but i think I'll make up for it in the next ones.  
> I also asked on my tumblr about this fic and I thought i'd ask here too, but I tagged this canon compliant back when i first started writing, and I'm not sure if that fits anymore, so I wanted to hear what you guys think about it! Should I change the tag to canon divergent or something like it? Because the steve I'm writing here is much more similar to the Steve on season 10 than on season 8. Season 8 Steve was much more carefree in a way. And I saw a post recently, actually talking about the movie enchanted, but anyway, they were saying how the two main characters, throughout the story, reach out so far to the other that the pull some bits into themselves (im paraphrasing). And by poking at the feelings Steve and Danny had for each other _canonically_ , we get a Steve who can be an anxious father, and a Danny who can be more confident in his feelings and regrettably also compartmentalize. Though one of the reasons Steve's reactions and feelings here are similar to season 10 is bc they have a lot to do also with his ptsd and how that can change the way you're used to do things.
> 
> anyway, im rambling as always, so thank you guys for reading, comments and for everyone who's sending me asks on tumblr!
> 
> ps: as someone who used to work a lot with spray paints and other general harsh materials, i can attest that sneezing black goo is disgusting


	18. Hold me in harm’s way, baby

-

_Danny and Steve are not as subtle as they think they are_

-

Steve was trying not to crush the leis in his hands in anticipation. He almost felt like Eddie when Nahele grabbed his treats. Which was a ridiculous comparison really, he was a 40-year-old grown man.

But Kono was coming for the fourth of July, spending a whole of two weeks in Hawaii of leave that she seemed to have bargained with the devil himself to get, and Steve – and the rest of the team really – were excited to have her back, even if only for a short while.

Adam had been flying back and forth to the mainland every other weekend and was coming in with her.

Things were hard, Steve and Adam met up only a few times because his work hours were grueling and Steve’s were unpredictable at best, but the guy was _tired_. It didn’t help that most of Kono’s and Adam’s paychecks were going to plane tickets, or so Adam had said.

“ _But, you know, Kono travelled the whole world to find me_ ”, Adam had said last time they talked, “ _She stuck by me through all that mess with the Yakuza and then with Gabriel Waincroft. And I never doubted her. Ever. So, yeah, it’s been hard, but we had an easy year, I guess we were due a little complication_ ”, he had smiled good-heartedly.

Steve had chuckled, “ _If that’s how you wanna look at it, buddy_ ”.

Steve was just glad they were making it work somehow.

He heard a “Steve!”, and found Kono in the crowd, tugging at Adam’s hand.

Steve raised his hand in a wave.

They hugged as they met midst the flow of people. Steve delivered the leis dutifully as Kono smiled cheekily. Steve felt warm even under the airport’s AC.

It seemed like the whole island suddenly got brighter.

Things with the Interpol operation were stagnated. They were focused on the op Harry and Joe were leading and not really bringing Five-0 on the specifics of it.

Steve always knew that was a possibility. The case growing too much out of their jurisdiction. It didn’t mean it still didn’t sting to be sidelined.

They had been trying to get Aaron Wright to roll on the people who had hired him, but the guy knew too well what they would do to him if they found out he snitched to Five-0. Toast was loaning his skills to Five-0 to try and back trace Wright’s conversations, but aside from the content of the conversations, which were scarce already, they didn’t have much.

It didn’t help that he came back from the mainland, Steve got a very delayed call from the Interpol representatives to hold back on divulging details and specifics about the case to his new recruits. When Steve asked why, his only answer was that they were “vetting” them.

So they had a lull in dangerous cases after Kamekona’s kidnapping – much to Danny’s relief, and even Steve’s to be honest – and with the lack of leads to follow on Interpol’s, being stonewalled about Tani’s and Junior’s involvement with it, having Kono there on the island for some down time felt just like the break in their frustrating routine Steve needed.

“What’s this I hear about you adopting another stray?”, Kono asked as they made their way out the airport.

“Kono, you know about Eddie already. You _skyped_ him”.

“I think she meant the new guy”, Adam laughed.

Kono laughed brightly too and Steve couldn’t find it in himself to pretend to be mad about it.

“So, can I hop in a case or two?”, she asked, “I miss my beautiful table”.

“You miss the smart table? Really?”.

“Brah, I work on the road, the closest I get to that table is a surveillance van”, she winced theatrically.

“She also wants to run a down a few leads of her own”, Adam filled in, making Kono slap at his arm, that Adam then used to throw around her shoulders, pulling her close as they walked.

“Snitch”, she accused before turning back to Steve as they got to the Silverado, “I _may_ not be here entirely on leave. We got a few leads and I need some intel on Deon’s old operation”.

Steve shook his head, staring back at Kono as she climbed on the passenger seat, “My smart table is your smart table, then”.

“You’re the best, boss”.

“You should probably stop calling me boss now”, Steve pointed out, smiling.

“Oh, _never_ ”.

Steve was taking them back to Kamekona’s truck where Danny, Jerry and Lou would be waiting for lunch. He had texted Tani in the morning about it but didn’t get an answer, though Junior said he’d try and stop by.

“So, uh, when you coming back, huh? Any predictions on that?”, Steve asked, as casually as he could, though he could still see Kono do a spit-take beside him.

“ _Steve_ , c’mon, I’ve been gone, like, _a month_ ”.

“Seems like forever already”, Adam teased from the backseat.

“Yes, yes, it does”, Steve agreed.

Steve heard Kono breathe out a laugh even if her eye grown serious, “Look, I don’t know. I really don’t. We saw how big this operation was. I’m not gonna say I’ll be back when the job is done, because the job is never done, not really. But I… I like the work I’m doing, y’know? It’s hard and gruesome at times, sometimes it makes me want to punch car windows, but – I don’t know, this is what I’m supposed to be doing right now”, she took another breath. Steve looked sideways again and she looked back at him, smiling, “But I also know I don’t wanna do this forever. The sleeping in motels and surveillance vans, eating out of vending machines… is not as glamourous as it seems”.

“So, what I’m hearing is – a year? Two tops?”, Steve teased, earning a slap to his arms as Kono laughed.

“ _Stop_. I don’t know. There’s talk the case might go federal. If that happens, I might swing running my own op from here, I’m sure someone is trying to poach Deon’s territory as we speak”.

“So I _am_ hearing one or two years?”, he asked then.

Steve didn’t realize how much he missed the familiarity of his old teammates until he was sitting in Chin’s dining room, a weight lifting off his chest. Now with Kono there, Steve almost felt like he came home all over again.

“I’m not in liberty to say”, she answered with a cheeky smile, “But after they saw all my work here with Five-0, they let me put together a team inside the task force, to deal with the extraction of the vics during the ops”, she said, “Guess who I got”.

Steve frowned, drawing a blank.

“Lori”, she filled in.

“ _Lori?_ ”.

“Lori”, she assured, “Yeah, she’d been working with homeland security again, got involved with this task force, and when I saw her in the list of names they gave me, well, I thought I bring the band back together”.

“Oh yeah, and Lori doesn’t like me”, Adam said.

“Don’t be silly”, Kono dismissed him.

“What do you mean?”, Steve asked, “Why?”.

“Well, you know, the whole thing with Wo Fat, North Korea, the Yakuza…”, he listed off, “She’s not my biggest fan”.

“You had nothing to do with any of that”, Kono said, looking back at Adam from the front seat.

Steve winced, “Well…”

“Okay, he kidnapped Joe that one time”

“But I’d though he killed my father”, Adam leaned against the two front seats.

“He’d though Joe killed his father”.

Steve huffed, “Sure. What about Lori though?”.

“She said, and I quote, ‘ _Oh, Noshimuri, huh?_ ’”, Adam made a disdainful tone of voice, “As soon as I introduced myself. It’s been downhill from there”.

“You’re exaggerating. He’s exaggerating”, Kono told him.

Steve shook his head in a smile, thinking it was best to abstain himself from the argument.

By the time they got to Kamekona’s the sun was high in the sky, making everything seem to be glaring back at them in harsh light. Danny and Jerry were sitting by the picnic table, probably arguing about football if the way Danny’s hands were moving around was any indication.

“Oh, I missed going through a bottle of sunscreen every week”, Kono said as she jumped out of the Silverado and into the blazing sun.

Steve heard Adam chuckle behind him as they followed her out.

-

Kono Kalakaua was a sight for sore eyes.

Adam was following her around like a fish looked for water on dryland.

Danny couldn’t really blame him. When he hugged Kono for a second he didn’t know if he felt warm over the scalding sun above them or because she was _there_ , dimpled smile and sharp quips.

“Where’s Grover?”, Steve asked as he sat down in front of Danny on the picnic table.

“Oh, he said he was staying at HQ with Tani for a few more minutes”, Jerry answered.

Steve frowned, “We caught a case?”.

Jerry frowned too, “Nah, he said it wasn’t for a case”.

Steve looked back at Danny, but he could only shrug. For all he knew Grover probably just needed help with something tech related and Tani was the unfortunate millennial rookie.

Kono sat between him and Jerry, after going to the truck to greet Kamekona and Flippa, looking him over.

“So, when do you take this off?”, she asked, gesturing to Danny’s arm brace.

“Next week”, he answered, giving Steve a pointed look that was dismissed.

“So you’re benched until then?”.

Danny narrowed his eyes, “What’s your point, Kalakaua?”.

“She’s here on assignment”, Steve filled in.

Danny stared at her, “Are you trying to poach me?”.

Kono opened her mouth, but Steve beat her to it, “You know what? Yeah. Kono, if you need any help with your case, take Danny and Tani to help you out.”.

“Take Tani where?”, Tani approached them, followed by Lou, “Hey, you must be Kono, right? I’m Tani, Tani Rey”, she extended her hand with a bright smile.

“Howzit”, Kono greeted with her usual charm, shaking Tani’s hand.

“Steve here just offered us as unpaid help to Kono”, Danny explained as Tani got a chair to sit between Steve and Danny on the head of the table.

“Oh, okay, cool”.

Kono explained her op to them. She needed to check if they left any stones unturned on Deon’s operation like his contacts on the island, try to find out if there was someone still communicating with the operation in the mainland.

“And you have to do this in two weeks?”, Tani asked in disbelief.

“Well, I still have to squeeze in some good American fun in between, but yeah”.

“Shooting guns not American enough for you?”, Danny earned himself a kick in the chin, but he still heard Adam laugh from the other side of the table.

And as Junior got in a couple minutes later, Danny chanced a glance at Steve.

The way his eyes were softly looking at the people around them, his shoulders relaxed, the wind picking up on the few strands of hair that were long enough to ruffle. The way the corners of his mouth were quirked upwards.

Danny could see Steve already planning another cookout on his lanai before Kono was gone, just so they could get everyone and the kids together.

If Chin was there, Danny was sure Steve would float right through the skies.

For all the tough Navy SEAL act, the laser focus and compartmentalizing, Steve McGarrett had one soft spot and that was the people around him. The people he trusted. The people that put their trust in him.

Danny couldn’t really blame that the guy was so messed up after a threat like, _they’re coming after everything that you care about most is this world_.

Danny couldn’t really blame the guy for rejecting him either. A relationship was probably the last thing on Steve’s priority list.

It didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. That it didn’t _still_ hurt.

To steal glances from across the table and pretend Danny didn’t have waves crashing inside his chest.

Though, in all fairness, Danny also knew he was doing a piss poor job at pretending.

Which was probably why, a day later, Kono said:

“So, I guess things are still weird between you two?”.

Danny looked back at Tani in the backseat and back at Kono.

“What?”, he tried putting on his tone that she should zip it.

“What?”, said in unison by the two women, then, “Oh, Tani knows”, said by Kono.

“What do you mean ‘ _Tani knows’_? I didn’t _tell_ Tani”.

“She’s right here by the way”, Tani offered.

“Brah, you guys were pretty obvious even before you were co-parenting your three kids and had all this mess between you two, but now? Please. Tani knows”.

Danny looked back at Tani on the car, who shrugged.

“Yeah, I know”, Danny sighed loudly, sinking against the car seat, “I haven’t told anyone if that’s any consolation, but mostly because _I don’t need to_. You guys are pretty on the nose”.

“Great. That’s just great. That’s just what I need, huh? For everyone to be aware of my very unrequited feelings. _Great_ ”, Danny mumbled, then he sighed again, trying to sit up on the seat again without jostling his braced arm too much, “Yeah, nothing against you or helping you out, Kono, but I do think that Steve is sidelining me here a bit, so we don’t have to work together as much”.

Which sucked.

“I knew things were awkward”, Tani said, “No matter what McGarrett said”.

“Wait, Steve _told you_ about this?”, Kono asked, frowning as she drove them.

Danny looked back at Tani again, who shrugged again.

“Well, he didn’t contradict me when I more or less guessed, if that’s what you mean”.

Danny groaned louder, rubbing a hand against his arm brace like the motion could calm him down. Like anything could calm him.

“Can we drop it? _Please?_ ”, Danny begged, “Can we – Can we just go over the plan again?”.

Kono huffed, “ _Fine_. We’re going to this guy’s apartment, Smitty Lee, Tani will breach through the front doors, I’ll go out back, and you’re the back-up in case he makes a run for it. If we can’t get him, we have to make a sweep of the place”.

“And you have a warrant, right? This isn’t Five-0 business”.

Kono rolled her eyes, pulling a folder from the glove compartment without taking her other hand from the wheel.

Danny gave the documents inside a onceover for the sake of his consciousness.

“Yes, and since this isn’t Five-0 business, I’d prefer it if we don’t kill him”, Kono looked at Tani through the rearview mirror.

“Hey, McGarrett is the trigger-happy member of this team”, Tani defended herself.

“Yeah, you got a point”, Kono mumbled.

She was clearly stressed. Danny guessed that the newfound burocracy was taking some getting used to.

Back in the mainland, she said her task force had apprehended someone with contacts on Honolulu that didn’t match Deon’s connections they pulled after the truck heist, so Kono’s first order of business for them was to find out who that was, if they were trying to poach Deon’s operation or they were someone from that op that they overlooked, and what their next step was. Hopefully, Kono could get enough intel that would take her to another lead about the op in the mainland or even there on the island.

She had briefed them the day before, going over the plan and looking at Danny’s braced arm before putting him on back-up duties.

Danny’s arm brace was constricting, but still gave him some mobility that he wouldn’t be useless in the field. But he couldn’t drive through a car chase or anything that would require him to do some regular McGarrett driving craziness. Hence, Kono picked him and Tani up back at HQ.

They breeched the target’s apartment, Danny stayed by the hallway guarding the exits. Saw the minute the guy tried coming out the backdoor, yelled out “I got him”, and checked him with his good shoulder, though his bad one still protested.

But by the time they made their way back to HQ, HPD in tow with their guy in custody and a bunch of data from the guy’s phone and computer to go through, Danny was _sore_.

Him and Kono didn’t had a proper chance to talk just yet, but he knew it was coming.

She had been making a point of always asking about his health the few times they spoke over the phone or over texts, and Danny did his best to tell her the truth but not scare her too much.

A few weeks into Charlie’s bone marrow transplant, Grace had grown bored in the hospital when her brother was resting and had taken a few afternoons off homework to teach Danny all about social media and texting, now Danny was pretty good at the whole thing regardless of his goofy thumbs, though he barely had any social media to begin with.

“You got the guy?”, Steve asked as they came through HQ’s glass door.

Danny gave his shoulders a roll, “Yeah”, he mumbled.

Kono snorted as she hip-checked Steve out of the way from the smart table, lowering herself over it to lay her head on the screen.

“You… want us to give you the room?”, Tani asked, smiling wide.

“Yeah”, Kono whispered in a dreamy voice as she hugged the table.

Steve snorted.

“C’mon, show me what you got”, he hurried her.

Kono huffed, but got up again, bringing up Lee’s phone records and other data from his computer.

Danny skimmed through it with them for a while, but standing up for that long was killing him, so he begged off to his office to look at things on the comfort of his chair.

-

“What’s up with him?”, Steve asked, staring at Danny though his office’s glass walls.

“Hm?”, Kono hummed, but Steve saw her sharing a look with Tani.

“Kono”.

She breathed loudly, twisting her mouth, “It was probably the tackle. I think he must’ve fallen wrong on his shoulder”.

“Yeah, I guess he’s just tired”, Tani chimed in.

“Uh huh”, Steve was barely convinced.

Though when they finally took a break a couple hours later and Steve looked back at Danny’s office, the guy had his head back against his chair, eyes closed and mouth slightly open.

Steve made his way there.

He still saw Tani and Kono share another look.

Steve was pretty sure it was safe to say that aside from Junior, everyone already knew about him and Danny and their little standoff since Danny’s confession.

He never brought it up with Jerry, but he was sure there was very little the guy didn’t know.

Steve knocked on Danny’s door, but the guy was out for the count and didn’t even twitch. Steve sat on his desk, besides Danny’s chair. He took a second to just look at Danny’s slack face, the way he seemed almost a different person, when not moving around and making noise. He wasn’t snoring yet, but Steve could hear his breathing.

“Hey”, Steve whispered, “Hey, Danno, wake up”, he tried louder.

Danny hummed, but didn’t move. Steve put a hand on his shoulder, shaking it lightly.

Danny jumped.

His head whipped around until it landed on Steve.

“What – “

Steve held back a smile, taking his hand from the other’s shoulder.

“You fell asleep. I was gonna tell you to go home. Maybe go see Charlie, wherever he’s staying now”.

Danny groaned, stretching out against the chair’s cushions, “Nah, I’m good. I’m good”, he tried stretching out further, but winced, grabbing at his arm.

“You should probably lay off field work for a few days. Until that thing comes off”, Steve said.

Danny scowled at him, “Hey, you’re the one who volunteered me to Kono’s thing”.

“Yeah, well”.

“’Yeah, well’, what? You’re pulling me out now? Like Imma yo-yo or something?”.

Steve didn’t know how Danny got incensed so fast, “Calm down, alright? You’re grumpy when you nap”.

“ _I’m grumpy?_ ”.

“Yes, Danny. Grumpy. Have you been sleeping? I mean, properly sleeping?”, the question came out harsher than he intended, from days and weeks of wanting to know and no way of finding the words to ask.

Danny bit at his lip, which was answer enough.

“I’m _good_ , Steve”.

Steve didn’t think he’d get a real answer from him. Danny was sometimes worse than Charlie when he woke up from a midday nap.

“I’m not pulling you from Kono’s op. I’m just _suggesting_ you take it easy. If you guys need back-up, I’m sure Junior would love to shadow the op, and he’s more than capable to be back-up as an HPD recruit”.

“As a Navy SEAL, you mean”.

“That too”, Steve scratched at his chin, eyeing Danny carefully as the man seemed to wake up more gradually.

“Thanks for the _suggestion_ ”, he said, and Steve sighed again, “But as I said, I’m good”.

Steve shook his head, getting ready to get up and leave. Then –

“I mean, we both know the reason you put me on Kono’s op, right?”, Steve sat back down, opened his mouth to reply, but no sound came out. Danny smiled dryly, “If you need me to take a few days off until you get your head on straight – no pun intended – just say so, alright? If my being here is too weird, or something”.

Steve let out a breath, hand coming up to rub at his mouth. This miscommunication between them was finally catching up to him. They really didn’t work with only half-words and planned subjects.

“I put you on Kono’s op because I know you miss her”, he said, making Danny sit back in silence, which in itself was victory, “You guys were close”.

“We were all close. We _are_ all close”.

Steve put a hand on Danny’s good shoulder again. Close enough to see the way his eyebrows twitched, forming a crease in between them, his eyes vulnerable at the touch.

“Yeah”, Steve breathed, “But I can’t just drop our cases here, man. I can work with just Lou and Jerry for the easy ones we have now, while you and Kono catch up. I’ll let you guys know if I need help”.

Danny stared at him, mouth open. Steve stared back, eyes going from Danny’s mouth to his surprised eyes.

There was electricity buzzing beneath his skin. He could feel Danny’s warmth through his shirt.

“Oh. Hm… Sorry, then. And thanks? Hm, I – “, he mumbled and rambled nonsensically.

Steve squeezed his shoulder and Danny inhaled sharply. He took his hand back, missing the warmth immediately.

“Things have been off... between you and me”, Steve admitted quietly, staring at Danny’s office wall, “I just want you to not _overthink_ this. I know is hard for you not to get worked up about every _little thing_ ”, he teased, or at least tried to. He still heard Danny huff quietly, “It’s like you said, you’re still my partner. No matter what.”, Steve smiled then, turning his head to look at Danny. Danny was still looking back at him. Always looking back at him. “I still love you”.

Danny smiled back. That new one, the smile Steve wasn’t that used to seeing. Something shy to it that made Steve feel warm inside his chest.

“I don’t want things to change, y’know? I don’t wanna sideline you”, he kept talking, “This team doesn’t work if you and I aren’t working”.

“But things _did_ change, Steve. Up until a few weeks ago you were working yourself ragged, and the only reason you slowed down is because things _changed_. Things changed when Chin decided to leave. When Kono _left_. Then I – ”.

Steve sighed, “I know. _I know_. But – “.

His phone started ringing.

-

“Aside from Carson Rodes, Jason Sachs was probably the best pilot I ever seen”, Ronny said, “There’s no way this was pilot error”.

Steve listened to Ronny’s story about his pilot’s death, his theories about sabotage, being stonewalled by NTSB, and his request for help from Five-0. And Steve knew he needed to bring in Tani and Danny on to this one. It seemed like a doozy already.

He’d gone to meet with Ronny by the shrimp truck with Jerry that morning, after the guy called him the day before, interrupting him and Danny and making Steve just a little bit pissed.

Danny, after their talk, had stayed back at HQ that morning, while Kono and Tani met up with Junior to go run down a lead from the guy they had brought in.

They did so much fieldwork and counted so much on Jerry, sometimes Steve forgot that for the longest time, Danny had been used to actual detective work, of riding a desk for days trying to catch a break in a case.

They could all go through phone records and bank statements, but Danny and Lou had a different way to seeing those things, connecting the dots. Steve could rival and surpass them when the data was heavy and needed an algorithm, or when the case involved too much military or government data. But they excelled on the little things, of making room for human error when Steve probably wouldn’t because his brain was still wired to deal with major targets, crime experts and the likes. Though after seven years with Five-0, Steve’s approach to the job had changed.

Lou was good on the old-fashioned door-to-door approach to things, dealing with people and reading them, seeing beyond the civilian.

Danny was good with finding things in the mundane. Things that went overlooked, things that didn’t want to be found or looked at.

And they were both wired to seeing and doing those things in the confines of boring data and paperwork, they had been used to working around the bureaucracy.

Kono was drowning in paperwork now. Not used to it after years with Five-0’s lack of red-tape. Though Ronny’s case was probably going to be good practice for her, after Steve told her he needed to poach Danny and Tani back for the Jason Sachs case, she couldn’t do much aside report back to her new bosses and go after paper trails, because that was where she shone at, away from a sniper rifle and fist fights. Digging and digging and digging until she had all the information she needed.

Steve was still trying to figure Tani out by the time the trim-tab from Jason Sachs’ plane showed up at his desk. The key piece in his investigation that NTSB had been withholding. So maybe Tani’s approach to things were like Danny’s, but mixed in with Steve’s usual disregard for the rules.

And by the time they wrapped up the case, tracing the whole thing back to a cartel in Central America, uncovering Jason Sachs’ stolen identity to Luke Nixon, and finding out Hammer Aid needed to put a plane in the competition to ensure Elena Sachs didn’t leave the whole ordeal empty handed, Steve was ready to be on a cockpit again.

He got home already planning a call to Carson Rodes, ask for some pointers, but there was loud music echoing through the house and to the front door, so Steve went out back to the garage.

The garage doors were open, Nahele leaning over the Marquis’ open hood, covered in grease from head to toe. The music was coming from some speakers the kid had gotten on his birthday, though Steve couldn’t really remember from who.

“Hey”, he called loudly over the music.

That made Nahele jump in surprise and almost hit his head again on the hood of the car.

The kid scrambled to right himself and pause the music, “Hey, hi – hey, uh”, he stuttered out.

“Hey”, Steve said again, “You’ve been here all day?”

Nahele nodded, looking behind him to the car like he needed to make sure, “Yeah, uh, I had therapy, then I came here. It’s cool, right?”.

Steve frowned his mouth for a second, “Sure, it’s cool. Just, uh, shoot me a text next time, yeah? I know you’re careful, but just to let me know”.

“Yeah, yeah, sure”.

“And I’d rather if you don’t go under the car on your own, specially if it’s something you need the jack for, and –“, Steve felt too much like Danny’s brand of overprotectiveness and forgot what he was going to say next.

Nahele rolled his eyes at him though, probably because Steve gave that speech before, “Yeah, I won’t”.

Steve rolled his eyes too, smiling, as he made his way inside the house, leaving the kid to finish up.

He tried calling Carson once before showering, twice before getting dinner started, and one more time as Nahele went up to get cleaned up.

Steve frowned at his phone and his unanswered calls.

He heard the front door click open and expected Junior to come in, but instead heard:

“McGarrett?”, came a voice through the house.

Steve poked his head out of the kitchen to see Tani making her way inside.

“Hey, what’re you doing here?”, he asked.

Tani looked skittish as she followed him to the kitchen, “Hey, sorry to bother you, but, hm, something happened a couple days ago that I think – I think you should know about it”.

Steve looked to the pan with a chowder on the stove and back to her, then motioning to the table in the middle of the kitchen.

In the few weeks they’ve known each other, Steve could probably count on one hand the number of times he saw Tani Rey be glaringly self-conscious, so the fact that she was fidgeting and trying not to, was enough of a sign for him that this was serious.

“Go on”, he said, sitting down just as she did.

Tani made a face, looking up at the ceiling like she was choosing her words.

“You remember my brother Koa? I was telling you I was having some trouble with getting through to him?”, Steve nodded, “Well – hm… You know about the HPD raid? They moved in on a stash house yesterday”, Steve nodded again, but he could see where that was going, “My brother was there. I pulled him out before HPD showed”.

Steve lowered his gaze to the table, nodding to himself.

“That’s not all”, Tani amended quietly, “I, uh, _we_ got caught on video leaving the house. Grover saw it, I don’t know how he got the footage”.

Steve held his hands over the table, mind working quickly. Maybe this had been why Interpol had been tough on bringing in Tani to the case.

“I’ll find out if we need to follow up on this, but if Grover saw it, he probably already covered our bases. But I have your back on this, don’t worry”.

She breathed out in relief, clearly deflating her anxiety. But –

“I need to ask – “.

“He’s a good kid”, she interrupted him, almost harshly.

“Tani”, he cautioned, “I just need to know how much of this is you protecting your brother, and how much is you just covering for him”, he said, hoping she wouldn’t take it the wrong way, but knowing he didn’t always had the greatest choice in words.

For a split second, she seemed angry, lips pursing, and eyes narrowed. Then she smoothed her face with terrifying ease.

“I’m not sure if I follow”, she grounded it out.

Which told Steve she probably took it the wrong way.

Steve took a deep breath, stalling so he could get the words right this time, “I just need you to ask yourself how much slack you’re willing to cut your brother before he hurts himself or others”.

“ _He’s a good kid_ ”, Tani stressed.

 _Matthew Williams was probably a good kid too_. _Doris had been a good mother once upon a time_.

“Yeah. I know”, Steve tried calming his voice, “But I’m just trying to have _your_ back. Because there’s a scenario here which this ends up only hurting you”.

“And you know this from experience?”.

“I do. Danny does. So does Lou”, he said, holding Tani’s hard gaze, “We all had people we wanted to prove us wrong about something”, Steve heard the waves crashing outside and thought about standing there, Catherine offering him the chance to save his mother, “Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. My mother is in a federal prison because I finally realized she wouldn’t.”.

Tani lost her composure then, eyes widening, “You put _your mother_ in jail?”.

Steve grimaced, “More or less. But what I’m trying to say is – “

“I get it”, she interrupted again, “I’ll be careful”.

“I’m not worried about you being careful”.

“I know. I just – I gotta figure this out my way”.

Steve nodded, getting up because he could hear the chowder sticking to the pan, “Just – let me know if you need help, alright?”.

He heard the front door again, then Junior’s light footsteps as he got to the kitchen.

“Hey, Commander – hey, Tani”, he greeted. Steve looked at them trading coy smiles and chuckled to himself, “You staying for dinner?”, Junior asked, brushing past Steve to get a the cupboard beside him.

“Oh, no – I was about to get back home”, Tani said, already starting to get up from her stool.

“You can eat here if you want”, Steve offered, gesturing to the food in front of him, “I’m not a horrible cook”.

“He’s actually not”, Junior agreed.

“Thanks for the tone of surprise there, Junior”, Steve deadpanned.

“You’re welcome, sir”, Junior chuckled, bypassing him again to get out of the kitchen.

Steve and Nahele had been getting better at bringing Junior out of his shell, the guy seemed to have an _eager to please_ attitude imprinted in his bones, probably the byproduct of the service and not having risen enough in it to call the shots.

Steve could only remember what it was like to serve under Joe for so long, saying _hoo-ah_ at every crazy plan that man could come up with. If he thought about it, he still did that.

He and Tani got things ready for dinner then, Nahele eventually came down to set the dining room table.

Before Junior started living there, Steve and Nahele had grown used to eating squeezed in the little wooden table in the kitchen, but there was no way it could fit more than the two of them.

“So, are you really going to compete tomorrow?”, Tani asked as Steve set the pot on the center of the table.

“Compete where?”, Nahele asked.

Steve scratched at his thin beard, sitting down with the others, “This air race tomorrow”, Steve answered.

“I didn’t know you were a pilot”, Nahele said, almost in awe.

Steve snorted, “I’m not. Not really. I, uh, know _how to_ pilot a few things, boats, planes, helicopters, jets”.

“He’s just showing off now”, Tani fake whispered to his kid, making him scrunch his nose in a smile.

“ _But_ I never _worked_ as a pilot”, Steve kept talking, ignoring the comment, “I’m still pretty confident about tomorrow though”.

Tani rolled her eyes at him and Steve pretended not to see.

“You wanna come watch, kid?”, Tani offered Nahele, smiling at him.

-

“But it seemed _so fast_ ”, Steve was rambling on as they left the tarmac. Danny was starting to think the air pressure had made him a bit loopy.

“It was very fast”, Danny nodded along, a hand coming up between Steve shoulder blades to steady him as they walked.

To be honest, Danny was just glad the guy was in one piece. Him almost losing control of the plane probably shaved off ten years of Danny’s life.

Nahele had clung to Danny’s hand like he wanted to make a twin of his braced arm.

They went back to Kamekona’s after the race. They had been trying to figure out the 4th of July shindig ever since Kono said she’d be coming back for it.

Steve had offered his backyard, like he always did. Kono and Adam proclaimed they wanted to host for once. Lou and Jerry wanted to go to the bar in the Hilton so they could be right under the fireworks. Tani and Junior seemed to be enjoying their colleagues screaming over each other.

Danny was just mentally going through all the pie recipes his grandmother taught him. He was also counting down the hours he had until he could go pick-up Grace from the Aloha Girls camp the next day. And counting down the days he had until he could take off his arm brace.

The last four days since Kono gotten to island had been exhausting and Danny just wanted some down time with his kids. He was even considering doing their surfing outing that weekend, even if he could only sit on a board and watch.

Disrupting Danny’s musings, he caught Kono’s eyes from across the table. She had an inquisitive look, and Danny just shrugged back. Kono nodded towards the beach.

They got up, moving to the shoreline as Kono looked sideways to him and Danny talked, trying not to sound too tired.

“But, you good right? Steve was even mentioning you guys were having easier cases since me and Chin left”, Kono said as they walked, rough sand beneath their feet, shoes on their hands.

“Easier as he isn’t crazy working on them like he was before”, Danny pointed out, squinting against the glinting water as the sun set over it, not even bothering to try and tame his hair against the strong sea wind, “Having two empty spots on the team really made him slow down, so thanks for that, huh?”, he teased. Mostly.

Kono smiled, “You’re welcome, I guess. But don’t you think you had something to do with it?”.

“Me? I just nag him, doesn’t really work most times”.

“Danny, you said you were in love with him! Of course that changed his behavior!”.

But Danny just shrugged and smiled, “I don’t know about that. The only thing that changed after that was that we grew distant and _careful_ ”, he grimaced.

“Careful?”, Kono made a face too, “In seven years, that wouldn’t be a word I’d use to describe you two”.

“Exactly”.

“I said this before, but you guys really need to actually talk about this. For real”, she said seriously, turning to him with a frown.

Danny shrugged again, “Babe, we can barely make through a few words without something like a call or a kid interrupting us”

He heard her chuckle over the roaring wind, “Dude, I was dating Adam when he was still in the Yakuza. You gotta find a way if this is what you want. Maybe you don’t _woo_ him like Grace wants, but you gotta at least _talk_ ”.

Danny knew she was right. He knew that.

“ _It’s just_ – “, he interrupted himself with a breath, gnawing at his lip.

“What?”.

“It’s what _I_ want. It’s not what _he_ wants. And I can’t _make_ him”.

“Are you sure, though? Are you sure that’s not what he wants?”.

Danny thought back to Steve’s soft smile and gaze as he woke Danny on his office. Of Steve’s hand on his shoulder. Harry’s words on Nahele’s birthday.

No. Danny wasn’t sure.

But he really needed Steve to say that himself. He really was too old to be playing at guessing games.

So he was going to focus on his kids – and Nahele – for as long as their summer break would allow him.

Of course that as soon as he picked up Grace and asked if she wanted to come up to the North Shore, Steve called him with a case about a lady who floated off to the coast on a life raft.

“If you finish up your case, then yeah, we can go”, Grace said.

Danny huffed, glaring at the cars in front of him, “Sorry, Monkey”.

She shrugged it off, ‘It’s okay”.

“You wanna go home? Want me to drop you off somewhere? Grover’s house is out though, I know for _a fact_ Will’s alone there today”.

Grace rolled her eyes at him, and Danny actually missed that for the last couple of weeks.

“I just wanna go home and chill. I think mum can come by”.

Danny still heard the uncertain tone to Grace’s voice. For all the progress they had made with Rachel, Grace was still struggling to find common ground with her most times. But they had been trying harder.

Ever since the divorce with Stan, Rachel had been way more open to actually talking and discussing things with Grace. And Danny for that matter. But from what he could gather, she and Stan had resorted to talking through lawyers. For the few weeks before summer break where they got together for Grace’s lunch thing, they kept up a good pretense of being civil, probably for the sake of her and Charlie, but Danny could see it for what it was.

Danny had been there before. It wasn’t that hard to recognize the same patterns.

And considering the last time he talked to Stan about Rachel the guy thought she was in love with him, Danny was keeping his distance from the whole thing.

So he said:

“You can be alone at the house, if you want”.

Danny could see Grace’s head snap up to him from the corner of his eye.

“ _Really?_ ”

“Yeah”, he sighed almost regrettably. Almost. “You’re fifteen now. And, hm, I trust you”.

Now Danny could _feel_ Grace’s frown.

“Where’s this coming from?”.

Danny blew out a breath, rounding a corner to get to their street.

“If you say a word about this I’ll deny it”, he started, “But I actually learned a thing or two from Steve and this whole new parenting thing he’s doing”.

As Danny parked in their driveway and looked to his side, Grace was beaming at him.

“ _Don’t –_ “

“Have you started wooing him yet?”

Danny leaned back against the car seat, releasing his seat belt, “I have not, Grace, and the reason I haven’t is because I’m _not_ doing that. Alright?”.

“But, Danno”, she whined, “If you don’t show it, then Steve won’t know what he’s missing”.

Danny had to take a breath. Teenage logic was a hard thing to argue with.

“Monkey, I don’t know how much clearer I can get after I literally said I was in love with him”, he reasoned, but Grace huffed, “And I think that after seven years of knowing each other, he knows”, probably too well, “what he’s missing”.

“So you’re giving up?”, and she looked _devasted_.

“I didn’t say that”.

She lit up again, “So – “

“No. Nope. We’re not talking about this anymore”, she pouted, “Go inside, lock the doors. I’ll be back for dinner, alright?”.

Grace gave him her usual eye roll before stepping out of the Camaro. Danny waited until she was inside to drive off.

Of course, as soon as he said he’d be home for dinner, the universe took it upon itself to prove him wrong.

Because as they went to investigate on the floating lady, they found a yacht way offshore with the satellite image showing them a bunch of dead people scattered all across the decks. And then they went on a helicopter ride to the boat only to find out they’d been exposed to a bioweapon that could kill them in eight hours.

So Danny probably really wasn’t making home for dinner.

-

_Steve was tired of phone calls_

-

Kono had meetings all morning. Which in hindsight it was probably for the best.

That also meant Danny and Tani had been free to hop in the case with the overboard girl, Monique Simmons. As was Junior.

Junior had assisted Kono before the case with Ronny, and actually put in a request to shadow her for a couple of days, but since she’d be busy, Steve offered him to jump in on the case too.

Oh, well.

Steve had made worst decisions before. And right then and there, he needed to keep a levelled head or else he’d let everyone else panic on that boat. Though Junior himself seemed to have the same approach to it as he did.

He was also sure Danny was gonna panic either way.

They went around the boat like they would any other crime scene, collecting evidence and taking pictures to send back to Noelani on the helicopter still hovering above them. And by the time they were done, seeing the chopper disappear into the distance, was when Kono probably found out about the whole thing.

“What the hell is going on?”, she demanded over the phone, “I just talked to Adam. Are you guys okay? He said he needed to interview a witness?”

“We’re fine for now, alright? Can you jump in on this? Grover is flying solo on the field”.

“Brah, do you even have to ask?”, she griped.

Steve smiled.

“And call Adam back, alright? Tell him to talk with the kids and stay with them if this thing goes well into the night”.

“Oh, now Adam is a viable babysitter”, Danny grumbled beside him.

“Shh”

“Don’t shush me”

“Danny, _shush_ ”.

“Are they always like this?”, Steve heard Junior ask Tani as Kono said:

“What’s Adam supposed to tell them? I’m assuming you’re talking about Nahele, Grace and Charlie, right?”.

Then Tani answered:

“Oh, yeah. It’s the usual love fest”.

The same time Danny said:

“ _Not_ Charlie. He’s with Rachel and the last thing I want is for her to know about this. I already have enough problems in my life”.

“Okay, guys, I’m heading to HQ, anything else I need to know?”, Kono asked.

Danny took over the phone, one hand moving wildly around himself as he talked, the other gripping tightly to the phone, though a few minutes later Steve saw him put the thing between his ear and shoulder to wave both arms around even if it probably hurt to do it with his arm brace.

“See, that’s more my thing”, Tani said, pointing at Danny and waving her arm like him too, “You two are way too chill about all this”, she was smiling but it looked more like a nervous tick, “An hour ago we thought this was all a science experiment. Now it’s an accident. We thought we might have an antidote. Now we don’t have an antidote. And all the while we have”, she looked at her wristwatch, “ _Maybe_ seven hours to live”.

Tani gave a full body sigh, closing her eyes. Probably to calm herself. It also probably didn’t work, because then she walked off the room.

“I’ll go talk to her”, Junior offered, already following.

Steve nodded, mostly to himself, and went searching more thoroughly for an antidote on the boat.

-

“What about your _radiation poisoning_?”, Kono whispered the last two words, like it’d make a difference if Steve had been near him.

“Don’t remind me of that”.

“Dude, have you told Steve?”

“Don’t remind me of that either”.

“ _Danny_ ”, she shrieked, “ _You gotta tell him!_ This is _literally_ life and death”.

Danny looked around, making sure he was alone. He was taking the call outside, or as outside he could get on a boat, the afternoon sun trying it’s hardest to warm him, but he was shivering all over, “Can you call my doctor? Keep him in the loop” and listening to Kono’s next intake of breath he already knew she was going to keep arguing about Steve, so he kept talking, “Steve can’t worry about this now. And if you guys find this antidote in the next few hours, hopefully he won’t have to worry about this at all”.

“Just _tell_ him. Don’t make me go down there”.

Danny laughed, “Yeah. You would”.

“Look, I gotta go. Take care, alright? I’ll never forgive if you die”.

“Wouldn’t dream of it”.

He heard her say “ _good”_ before hanging up.

Danny looked up at the sky. He was starting to sweat, but with his luck it was less about the sun and more about the imminent fever he was probably about to start feeling.

He needed to sit down.

Steve found him as soon as he did, after having stuffed two cushions under his sweaty armpits. He wanted to put ice on the shoulder over his braced arm, but didn’t think it was such a good idea with how much he was shaking.

Danny took a second to give Steve a good look and found that the guy probably looked just as bad as Danny felt. Clammy skin, aching body and the acute feeling that the room was spinning. He was just glad there was no blood oozing out of him yet.

“I’ve searched this boat top to bottom. There’s no antidote here”, Steve said, sitting down beside Danny slumped form on the couch.

Danny filed that under all the other horrible news they got that day.

“How are the kids holding up?”

“Kids?”, Steve squinted with his whole face. The fever was probably making him slow. And Danny was too tired to be annoyed.

“The Five-0 kids”, he clarified with a deep breath.

Steve was still squinting, “Grace and Nahele? I haven’t talked to them, you were hogging the phone until now remember?”.

Danny rolled his eyes, though it seemed to take too much effort, “No – not the – ugh, Tani and Junior, doofus”.

“How was I supposed to know that, Danny? The kids literally called their group chat thing ‘five-0 kids’”, Steve protested, but he too seemed too tired to be too annoyed. He sighed then, leaning his head sideways against the couch to stare at Danny, and Danny mirrored his position, “Junior’s good. Tani is more like you”, he smiled, and Danny felt himself smile too.

“What’re you talking about? Me? I’m just peachy”.

“You look like shit”, Steve laughed.

“Hey, you don’t look so hot yourself, buddy”, it was mostly true.

Steve grimaced, looking down at himself, “I feel hot though. And cold at the same time”.

The boat groaned and creaked as the waves swayed them infinitely. The smell of the dead bodies wasn’t too strong in the cabin, but it was starting to make him nauseous when it mixed in with the ever-present salty breeze of the ocean.

“Nahele’s in therapy today right?”, Danny asked, even though he already knew the answer.

“Yeah”, Steve groaned, “Though Adam probably already pulled him out of there by now”.

“Well, maybe he shouldn’t, huh? Tell the kid you’re stranded in the middle of nowhere, _dying,_ and send him right back in. Work through it immediately”.

“You’re hilarious, Daniel”, Steve deadpanned.

The room spun as Danny groaned, “Yeah, it’s the fever, sorry”, Danny shivered and frowned. He sighed, paused, looked sideways to Steve and “Look, I gotta tell you –“

The phone interrupted him as it seemed keen to keep doing.

Steve sighed, closing his eyes after checking the caller ID.

“Hey, uh, do something for me”, Steve mumbled, taking the phone. Danny hummed, “Try not to die while I take this”.

He patted Danny’s hand before getting up with a low grunt and moving to the deck.

-

“You’re not gonna like this”, was Lou’s first words on the phone. Steve braced himself, “Kono reached out to Interpol while me and Adam went to talk with Monique. That guy Marcus’s actually Andreas Koslov, he has a red notice with Interpol because he ran off with some material from a lab in Ukraine”.

“Interpol thinks he’d been shopping a chemical weapon around”, he heard Jerry’s voice over the phone, “they had been searching for the guy for six months, but no dice”.

Steve could already see where this was going, though he still asked: “Now he shows up here on Oahu with this virus?”

“That’s the part you’re not gonna like”, Lou said, “Interpol thinks this guy got tipped off about a potential buyer on U.S. soil. Someone helped him conjure up this plan, probably helped him get the vials with the virus too. This Andreas guy used to run Ukraine’s chemical weapons program, there’s no way he stayed out of the Interpol’s radar for so long without help and even less way he’d be able to get on that boat without inside information”.

“The boat with a bunch of rich, influential people, probably with ties to another bunch of rich and influential people? People with ties to high places like government?”, _or the CIA._

“Yeah, it was probably those ties that doomed them”, Jerry chipped in.

“Sounds like we found another case connected to the CIA leak, brother. Though we can’t be sure if it had anything to do with you”, Lou said gravely.

Steve sighed, feeling the boat moving with the water, jostling him constant and unsteadily from side to side.

“How Monique fits in all this?”, he asked.

“Well, none of what she told us makes sense with what we know now”, came Adam’s voice.

“We have to go back to talk to her again”, Lou said.

They hang up. And Steve immediately got another call. He flexed his hand before accepting it.

He looked to the ID, but couldn’t recognize the number. He wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t know it really, or because the fever was finally getting to him.

“McGarrett”, he said, feeling his voice getting rougher by the syllable.

“Jesus, you sound awful”, came the most unexpected voice.

“Carson?”, Steve frowned, grabbing at the deck’s railing as the boat jolted or because he had a bout of dizziness to go along the fever.

“I saw you called.”, he was talking loudly over the buzzing of something on the background, “I was – busy”, he cleared his throat, “What can I do for you, pal?”.

“Now it’s not really a good time”, _understatement_ , “Can I call you back?”.

“I’m actually a couple of klicks out from your island”

“Look – “

“I know about the boat. I’m guessing you do too”, Carson voice was uncharacteristically serious, topped off with what he said and Steve’s dizziness, he felt like he needed to sit down.

He tightened his grip on the railing.

“What you mean you know about the boat? The one I’m in?”.

“On the boat? You’re on the boat? Serenity?”

“ _Yes, Carson_ , I’m on the boat!”, he exclaimed, almost wheezing, “How do _you_ know about the boat?”.

There was a pause. A sigh.

“I was hired to get Koslov halfway there”.

“ _What?_ What the fuck you’re talking about?”.

A deeper sigh.

“Someone hired me to move Koslov from China to a freighter just off the coast of Oahu then move him on water to another boat.”, he said, “When I got back to the freighter to fuel up the plane, they tried taking me out. Didn’t work. I got away and was making my way back to Oahu when I intercepted Koslov’s call about the vial breaking and the virus”, Steve needed to call Lou again, to explain everything. And Steve needed to talk to Danny, to calm himself. “Look, Steve, if I’d known – “.

“It’s fine, Carson. I need to report back to my team, okay? Do you know anything about the antidote?”.

“You’re infected?”.

“Me and half my team”.

“ _Fuck_.”, a loud breath, “Fuck. Okay. Okay. Look, Koslov had an inside man on that boat to bring him in. Well, woman actually. Monique. On the call he said she got away”.

Steve squeezed his eyes against the sun.

“Yeah, we got her”.

“Good. My guess is she was just his ticket onto the boat, but she dealt with the guy who hired me. A Varick Samson. _He_ has the antidotes”.

Steve filled his lungs with the salty air around him. His head was getting cloudier and cloudier like the skies around him.

“Thanks, buddy, that really helps. I have to call my team”.

“Yeah, yeah”, then, “I’m really sorry, Steve”.

He sighed, “We’ll talk later, alright?”.

“I’m about to land. I’ll lend a hand to your team”.

“I appreciate it”.

Steve hanged up and dialed Lou’s number, putting the phone back in his ear.

-

Danny needed to _do something_. If something was gonna kill him on that boat, he was sure it was the endless waiting.

And fuck it that he had radiation poisoning, fuck it that his body was probably already struggling to fight off an infection, and _fuck it_. Just fuck it.

Because he was probably gonna die in a few hours. So he at least better go while drinking some really good and expensive alcohol.

And this had been a really rich party, so he was bound to find something. Danny went through two cabins below deck before he hit the jackpot with a bottle of champagne he couldn’t pronounce the name of. So he grabbed a blanket, dragged a chair out to the deck, and let the sun try its best to warm him as it set behind approaching clouds.

Steve had been running around the boat with the phone glued to his ear, SEAL face on, or at least the sick version of it. Tani and Junior were under the shade somewhere, probably also trying not to think about all this. Though Junior seemed to be as resolutely optimistic as Steve was that they were gonna get out of that alive.

“You raided the bar”, Steve said, appearing by Danny’s side after a while, lowering himself to the chair besides Danny’s, because he obviously had the forethought of setting up two chairs on the deck.

“Yeah, didn’t wanna let it go to waste. And I’ll be dead before the hangover kicks in, right?”, he joked. Mostly.

Steve smiled, eyes closed as he grabbed at the champagne bottle and sipped at it.

“You wanna paper bag or something?”, Danny complained in a mumble, staring at Steve’s throat as he drank.

Steve put the drink down on the chair’s arm to stare at Danny, his movements sluggish, “What?”.

“It’s a very expensive bottle of champagne and you’re drinking it like it’s cheap beer, spitting all in the bottle and everything, what’s the matter with you?”, he ranted, making Steve squint his eyes and frown at the ocean.

“Sorry, let me get this straight. You worried about my cooties now? When I know for a fact you wouldn’t mind them?”,

Averting his eyes to ocean to, Danny mumbled, “That’s a fair point”, as he sipped at his champagne glass, “And I’m glad you can joke about this”, he said sarcastically, feeling his face warm and not because of the fatal disease.

“Yeah, well, it’s the fever, sorry”.

Danny turned to Steve, his profile heavy against the pale sky. Hawaii usually had bright, colorful sunsets, but there were clouds forming on the horizon muting it now.

“You know, uh, I’ve been doing some thinking and I, uh”, Danny cleared his throat, “I wanna tell you something”.

“Y’know, don’t, don’t”, Steve mumbled, interrupting him, eyes closed again with the beginnings of frown between them “Let’s not, okay? I know. I know what you’re gonna say. I know”.

“Know what? I haven’t even said anything”.

“I know. But I don’t – I don’t wanna do that”.

Danny felt a drip down his good arm and looked up, but there were no clouds above them yet. He looked down then.

“Hey, Steve?”

“Hm?”, Steve was still with his eyes closed.

“How, uh – how long since we’ve been exposed?”.

“About – five hours now”.

“Okay”, he breathed, “Okay, I think I’m gonna lie down”.

He groaned, starting to get up.

“Hm? Yeah, okay”, then Steve turned to looked at him, “ _Danny_ , what the – “

Danny noticed the blood dripping from his nose and landing on the deck’s white floor. He noticed the low rumble of a storm coming in. He noticed his vision getting darker. Steve jumping up from the chair. His own feet slipping over the smooth floor. Steve’s hands on him.

Danny tried grabbing back at Steve’s arm, fingers losing sensation, head spinning.

He grunted, trying to keep his feet under him. Steve’s hands were on his back, then on the side of his neck, tilting his head forward.

“Hey, _hey_ , Danno, look at me, look at me”, he urged in a whisper, and Danny blinked. Steve’s face was a breath away from his, but Danny couldn’t seem to focus on it. He blinked once and Steve was tilting left, he blinked twice and they were both tilting right. The pressure on his nose was blinding, “ _Danno_ , Danno, don’t tilt your head back”, Steve kept whispering, the hand on his neck was firm. Danny couldn’t focus on anything but the warm feeling against his now chilled skin, “Can you walk?”, Steve asked. Danny snorted. “C’mon, lean on me”.

Steve let go of Danny’s neck and back and went to his shoulder and arm with ease, supporting him as they stumbled forward to the back of the boat. To Danny if felt more like he was being dragged, his feet unsteady as the boat moved with the waves.

“Sir?”, Danny heard Junior, but his eyes were glued to the floor as he tried walking.

“Is he –“, Tani hesitated.

“Grab his other arm _, c’mon_ ”, Steve urged and Danny felt himself being almost heaved off the ground.

“ _What do we do_?”, Tani’s frantic voice was right by his ear.

He didn’t hear an answer.

“ _McGarrett?”._

Still no answer.

Then he was being lowered to the couch inside the yacht’s lounge, the others were talking around him, but he couldn’t keep up with the words or their voices.

Danny looked down and himself, the front of his shirt soaked in his own blood.

He snorted again.

“At least I’m not wearing a tie”, he mumbled, though he didn’t plan to say that out loud.

There was a hand on his neck again, pulling his head up, “What did you say, buddy?”, Steve’s voice asked, “Here, I’m just making sure your big head is supported”, he kept saying, lowering Danny’s head halfway down before it landed on something soft.

“Meka always asked about the ties”, Danny didn’t mean to say that either.

The hand left his neck again.

Danny shivered.

“What’re you gonna do now?”, he heard Tani ask.

Danny opened his eyes to focus on Steve pulling the phone from his pocket, SEAL face on, “I gotta make a call”.

-

Steve didn’t see Danny again until three days into their quarantine.

The virus hit him hard, harder than it had him or Tani and Junior, and he stayed in an isolated ICU room for those first few days. The doctors’ were updating Rachel whenever they could, and Kono brought Danny’s status back to them whenever she could. It mostly consisted on reports that he was stable, but needed to be under observation with a cocktail of antibiotics and other drugs, though no one had mentioned an infection.

A couple of times Danny would call him, making Tani roll her eyes because they were only a few rooms and floors apart.

Steve wasn’t worried.

He could still see the moment when he turned to Danny, heavy clouds over the sea ahead, blood coming down from his nose, ashen skin and glazed eyes as he stumbled.

But Steve wasn’t worried. Danny was alive.

He remembered the feeling of Danny’s clammy neck against the palm of his hand, as blood dripped to his arm, how Danny’s head went limp as he struggled to stand.

Danny was in ICU. But he was alive. He was awake and talking.

So Steve wasn’t worried.

On the phone, Danny’s voice was always tired, sometimes nasal and he always started the calls with, “ _This is so boring_ ”.

Steve didn’t actually have time to be bored yet. Half of Five-0 was out of commission and Steve had spent the first day in quarantine getting yelled at by Governor Mahoe, then he spent the other two days convincing her to reinstate Kono temporarily on the team. Then bring in Carson as temporary back-up too, for at least five more days. Because they were getting out in four days and Steve wanted a free day with Nahele.

All three quarantined days were spent dodging Interpol’s calls.

He called Mary, she offered to try and get a fly out, but Steve convinced her not to. He wasn’t worried after all.

Nahele had been staying with Lou in the meantime with Eddie, though he called everyday. As did Grace, sometimes getting Charlie to say hi too.

Steve would tell them to eat right, sleep well and listen to the adults. If they were on a video call, Grace would roll her eyes, Nahele would scrunch his nose. If they weren’t, they’d would whine in the same tone of voice, “ _I know”_ , only changing the following title between “ _Dad”_ or “ _Uncle Steve”_.

Charlie would say, _“Yes, sir”_ , and salute him with his little hands to his forehead.

Steve missed them like crazy.

“Y’know, you’re the softest boss I ever had”, Tani told him as they ate lunch around the plastic table on the quarantined room, still waiting on Danny’s arrival.

“Considering you punched your last captain, I’m glad then”.

Tani snickered, “No, but you chase down criminals and you get shot at every other day and it’s just another day at the office. But your kid tells you he had a rough day? Woo, you get as soft as a marshmallow. God _forbid_ Nahele talks about Eddie then, you’ll melt right through the floor”.

Steve knew she was joking, but it wasn’t that far off from the truth.

“I think I heard detective Williams call you a – half baked cookie once?”, Junior teased.

“Yeah, he likes that one”, he smiled.

Steve didn’t consider quarantine to be a good team-building exercise, but they had been in a good routine the last few days, getting to know each other’s quirks and lives a little better. Though living with Junior for a few weeks had already taught him a few things in regards to his routine. Like the fact that much like Steve, he’d wake at 6a.m. without having to set an alarm. Or that he liked to have a green juice after his morning workout. And after finding him living on the homeless shelter, Steve also knew he had a strained relationship with his parents. Though Junior hadn’t brought that up yet.

Steve _did not_ know Junior _danced_. Or at least, every day as they took turns microwaving their meals, Junior would stand beside it, quietly shuffling his feet and bobbing his head to some tune he’d be humming under his breath, sometimes even swaying his hips.

Steve already knew Tani was bright and with a snark sense of humor that could rival Danny’s. He knew she was competitive. Nahele’s friends apparently still texted him to this day about a very illegal tackle for flag football Tani gave one of the guys on Nahele’s birthday. But after losing his tenth chess match to her, Steve also realized she was just _good_ at most competitive games.

And much like Danny, Tani _was not_ a morning person, if the grunts he and Junior heard when they woke to workout were any indication.

And the other two would play really loud music and generally make Steve feel _old_. They did exercise routines together in the afternoons and Steve found himself struggling to keep up, though he thought he covered it up pretty well.

By the third day though, they had exhausted all their games to pass out the time and Tani started teaching Steve to braid her hair so he could do it to Grace’s when they got out.

“Isn’t it like, just knots? Like sailor knots”, Junior asked, eyeing them from one couch to another on the common area, though the whole place could be considered a common area, they even shared a bathroom and only one bedroom, “It should be a breeze for you, sir. I used to do it all the time with my sister”.

Steve was on his third try on a loose French braid.

He was starting to sweat.

“Remodeling Nahele’s bedroom was easier than this”, he grunted.

“Junes”, Tani said with solemnity, “This is _an art form_ that has to be perfected with time and practice”.

“ _And your hair is all freaking layered”_ , Steve hissed, losing a strand of hair from between his fingers before he could braid it.

“ _And_ my hair is layered”, she started to nod.

“ _Don’t_ move your head”, he hissed again, unthinkingly tightening the braid.

“ _Ow”_.

“I see you guys are having all kinds of fun here, huh?”.

“Danno!”, Junior and Tani said in unison, making Steve snort and Danny to fumble, though it was hard to tell. Danny had arrived on their little quarantined zone in a hazmat suit and an wheelchair, a burly nurse behind him.

“He told you to say that, didn’t he?”, he, rightfully, guessed.

“Pshht”, Tani waved him off in a mocking smile.

“Yeah”, Junior admitted easily.

The nurse helped Danny out of the hazmat suit and let herself out with the wheelchair, giving him a panic bottom, “just in case”.

Danny then just stood there, somewhat awkwardly, and Steve looked him over.

He wasn’t worried.

“Hey, the arm brace is off”, he said.

“Yeah, about time, they took it out yesterday”, Danny said, waving and twisting his arm around as to demonstrate.

Steve got up, skin buzzing, he approached Danny with a quick hug. They parted as Steve held a hand to Danny’s shoulder.

“You in the clear?”, he asked, leaning down to look at Danny’s eyes, “I mean, aside from still being quarantined”.

Danny grimaced, “Yeah, no”, he eyed the other two on the room and cleared his throat, “They still need some tests, and to, uh, keep an eye on me. But since I don’t need to be on ICU anymore, they sent me here”.

“But are there still any risks?”, Tani frowned and Junior sat forward on the other couch.

Danny grimaced again. And Steve knew there was something he wasn’t telling them.

He took his hand back.

“Yeah, I guess so”, came the unclear answer.

“Anything we can do?”, Junior asked. Steve was probably the only one well versed enough to read Danny Williams' body language.

Danny’s eyes flickered to Steve, “No, it’s fine. It’s just a waiting game now”.

Junior made a face, “Sucks”, then, “want another hug?”, he said with his crooked smile that made Danny give his own William’s uneven smile in return.

“Bring it in”.

As the two men hugged, Tani made a “aw”, noise, before getting up too, squeezing Junior out of the way and almost making him bump into Steve.

“’m glad you didn’t die on that boat”, she said.

“Yeah, thanks”, Danny chuckled, giving her a pat on her half-braided hair.

Steve was still trying to notice any obvious sign that something was off with Danny, something that would explain his behavior. He looked tired, but Steve guessed that was expected. His skin more sullen against his cheekbones. The movement in his right arm was still off.

The most noticeable thing was probably the hair. After three days in the hospital, the patented slicked back look wasn’t that manageable, and the blond strands of hair were puffing out, trying to stay back but falling every which way.

“I know it looks funky but could you stop staring, you creep”, Steve heard Danny snap and realized he was talking to him, as Danny put both hand on top of his hair in a futile attempt to control it.

“I’ve known you for like, _weeks_ , and I’ve never seen your natural hair”, Tani pointed out, poking at Danny’s hands still on his hair, “You want me to braid it? We can do a braid train with Steve”.

“Are you five?”, Danny complained, dodging her poking, “I – don’t – _would you stop?_ ”.

She snorted, lifting her hands up.

“You guys are really going all lord of the flies up in here, _Jesus_ ”, Danny grumbled.

“I don’t think I remember braid trains on that book, sir”, Junior said in his half smile, making Danny grumble some more.

Steve felt right at home.

-

Danny was acutely aware of the words on the tip of his tongue.

 _“Steve, I have radiation poisoning”_.

“ _Well, more like I have the side effects of radiation poisoning”._

_“Steve, I had radiation poisoning months ago and didn’t tell you”._

_“Oh, why I didn’t tell you?”._

_“Isn’t that a good fucking question?”._

_“I didn’t want –“._

“Finally going crazy, Danno?”, his head snapped up to Steve on the entrance of their shared bedroom.

“Hm, what?”

“You were muttering to yourself”, Steve said, making his way to the little nooks on the wall that they had in lieu of a closet, “I’m assuming you’re gonna start saying something along the lines of… ‘ _all work and no play’_?”, he turned to Danny to give him a cocky smile.

“You’re very funny”, he mumbled.

“You love me”, Steve said, probably more out of reflex than anything.

“Yeah, that’s been established, thanks”, Danny said, more out of reflex to always have a comeback than anything.

Then they sat in the uncomfortable silence that followed.

Steve cleared his throat first, “So, hm, Imma get a quick workout with Tani and Junior. Wanna tag along?”.

Danny cleared his throat too, “What, in seven years of knowing me, makes you think I’d say yes to that question?”.

“Good point”, Steve chuckled before leaving.

It had been two days since Danny came down from his isolated room to join the others. And he knew for a fact that Steve realized there was something he wasn’t telling them. There was little to nothing Danny could do about Steve’s ability to read him like an open book. But even so, he couldn’t seem to be able to say it.

Back in the boat, he had it on the tip of his tongue. It had been there.

Now Danny was lying to himself. Making deals in his own mind that when he knew the extent of the side effects of the virus and the radiation poisoning, then he’d say something.

When Steve caught the threat going after him, then Danny would tell him.

When they weren’t literally locked together in quarantine with two other people, he’d say it.

If Danny was dying from it, then he’d tell him.

If Danny wasn’t dying from it, then he’d tell him.

It didn’t help that everyone in his life that already knew kept telling him the same thing.

He was sure someone else was bound to spill the beans on the whole thing before he had the guts to do it himself.

Danny had really chosen the worst moment to both be in love with Steve and have a secret illness. Close quarters didn’t even begin to cover the whole quarantine experience.

It was also bad enough that they missed the 4th of July, having Kono video call them as the fireworks blew through the skies. Her and Adam ended up hosting with the team and the kids, though apparently Stan took Grace to the Hilton with Charlie.

Danny thought about his grandma’s pies and felt miserable.

That night Danny tossed and turned, dreaming in flashes, seeing a plane crash and screaming as it dragged blood across the skies, he woke with a gasp in the narrow bed. The sheets and clothes clinging to his skin, drenched in sweat, heart racing so fast he felt it in his throat. Danny woke and already half expected it that Steve would be in the bed beside his, staring back at him in the dark.

Danny stared back at the ceiling. His breath was coming out in rags. His skin was buzzing. He pressed his hands against his eyes. The sweat in his skin made his eyes sting.

“Danny?”, Steve murmured.

Danny felt the breath stuck to his throat.

With stiff muscles he threw his legs over the edge of the bed and strode out of the room.

He already expected the sound of steps following him.

-

Danny was pacing back and forth, from the couches to the table they ate and played cards at.

After seven years of being in each other’s pockets, Steve would’ve thought he seen Danny in every possible situation. From being buried under a collapsed building to him running inside a burning food truck to save Steve’s son.

But Steve never saw him after a bad night.

Danny never saw Steve after a bad night either.

The closest Danny ever got was in Wo Fat’s basement.

But Steve wasn’t thinking about that.

He was thinking about the fact that Danny was reciting the 86’ Mets line-up under his breath.

Steve watched him pace and mutter from the couch across Danny’s path, trying to appear calm. Though after waking in the middle of the night to the sound of distressed breaths and grunts, Steve had to take a couple of seconds to ground himself and not expect to see sand and tents around him, to smell sweat and the cold desert air.

“Could you _not stare at me?_ ”, Danny hissed as he moved.

Steve sighed before leaning back against the couch, throwing his head back to stare at the ceiling.

“What’re you doing here anyway? Just go back to sleep, I’m good”, Danny griped.

“Could you _not lie to me?_ ”, Steve snapped, head moving back to stare at Danny.

Danny widened his eyes, lips pressed thin as he turned away and kept pacing.

Steve breathed, but didn’t look away again.

“What did you dream about?”.

“When did I ever answer that question?”.

“Was it”, Steve cleared his throat, “Was it about the plane?”.

Danny stopped moving. Then continued. His hand came up to rub at his mouth.

“What’re you worried about? Are you – I mean, is it about this threat?”.

“News flash, Steve, you’re in constant fucking danger on this job. Case in point, _we’re literally in quarantine!”_ , he hissed in a low voice.

Steve felt something igniting in his chest as he started scowling, “What you want me to do here, Danny?”, he hissed too, sitting up, “Just ignore that you’re not okay right now?”

Danny stopped moving again, halfway between the table and the couch next to Steve’s. Steve stared as he looked to their room to one side, and the couch on the other.

Danny looked back at Steve.

His eyes were red from sleep, hair all over the place, chest rising and falling rapidly. Steve felt what was ignited before turn into a warm ember in between his ribs.

“I don’t wanna fight”, Danny confessed quietly, shoulders dropping, “Not about this again”.

“Danny, then just –“

“ _Steve_ ”, he pressed, taking a step forward, “ _I don’t want to fight_. And I _know_ I will if you ask me again. So just – don’t ask me, okay?”

Steve had no reaction other than, “ _Danny”_.

Danny rubbed at his face again, a deep sigh escaping him as he made his way to the couch next to Steve’s, sitting down with a wince.

Steve wasn’t sure if he wanted Danny to be closer or not.

He watched as Danny closed his eyes, continuing the Mets lineup citation.

“Why can’t you talk about this now? We were talking about these things before, right? You were calling me”, Steve found himself asking.

Danny opened his eyes and gnawed on his bottom lip.

“Because you broke my heart, Steve”, he said quietly to the ceiling, “You broke my fucking heart and I’m sorry if I don’t get over it so fast, and I can’t just pretend it didn’t fucking change everything either”.

Steve McGarrett was used to being a lot of things.

The one with the plans. With the orders. The one to make split second decisions and somehow be the right ones. The one with the answers.

He never felt as far away from that person as he did at that moment.

Danny wasn’t looking at him.

“I’m sorry. I… I’m just sorry, Danny”.

Steve sat forward on the couch, but he didn’t know what his next move was. Danny wasn’t looking at him.

“What are you sorry for, Steve?”, Danny mumbled with a tired breath, eyes still trained to the ceiling, “You’re sorry I have feelings for you? Are you sorry I told you? Huh? What are you sorry for?”.

 _“No_ ”, Steve said vehemently, moving to Danny’s couch, though he still maintained his distance, “I’m not sorry about that, Danny, _never that_ ”. Danny’s eyes met his. A glint of confusion in them, mixed in with something else. Steve could still see the way they had glazed on that boat. “I’m sorry you’re hurt. And I’m sorry that I hurt you”, Steve got closer. He could see Danny’s throat working as he swallowed.

“What are you saying then?”, Danny whispered softly, eyes searching Steve’s. Steve didn’t know if Danny would find anything.

“I’m saying that I need – “.

His phone started ringing.

“ _McGarrett, I’m gonna kill you!”_ , they heard Tani shout from the bedroom as the phone rang and rang.

Danny was still staring at Steve. Steve was still staring back at him.

“It’s pretty late”, Danny whispered.

“Yeah”.

“Steve, you should probably take that”, Danny said more seriously, just as Tani stomped out of the bedroom, curls in a bungled mess on her head, eyes with a fiery tiredness.

“ _For the love of god_ ”, she hissed, throwing his phone at the couch between Danny and Steve before storming back to the room.

“Steve, it’s Lou, pick up”, Danny urged as they eyed the blinking screen.

Steve grabbed the phone with his heart starting to thud on his chest.

Then:

“Steve, you better find your damn dog a damn good doctor, because _I swear to god_ , he’s driving me and Renée _up the freaking walls!_ ”, Lou hissed in lieu of a greeting.

Steve could still feel Danny’s eyes on him. His mind was still stuck on fifteen seconds before.

“I’m sorry, what?”.

He heard a very annoyed breath over the line, “ _Your dog_ is snoring like crazy! If you don’t fix it you know what I’m gonna do?”, he paused, but not enough to Steve get any word in, “ _Nothing!_ I’ll do nothing, because then _your son_ will give me this _look_. Like I’m some heartless monster that would make a dog sleep outside!”.

Steve tried not to laugh as his shoulders sagged, “I’m guessing Eddie woke you, huh?”.

Steve shared a look with Danny, who laid back against the couch with a deep relieved breath.

“ _Damn right Eddie woke me_ ”.

“And me”, he heard Renée’s voice far away from the phone.

Steve sighed, “I’m sorry, man. And I’m sorry, Renée”, he said, “The doctor said it was a side effect from the gun shot he took”.

“That dog is damn hero”, he heard Lou grumble seriously.

“Go to sleep, Lou”, Steve said.

“Yeah, yeah”.

They hang up.

When Steve looked back, Danny’s head was lulled to the side against the couch’s back, eyes closed and mouth open.

Steve cursed Lou to hell and back for the rest of the night.

-

_Danny Williams can’t catch a break_

-

“So, uh, why were you two all chummy yesterday?”, Tani asked him over the chess board.

Steve grunted, staring at the black and white pieces.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”.

“C’mon, I literally walked in on you two”.

“You didn’t walk in on us, we were just talking”.

“Fine, be like that, you know I’m right. What other reason would you have to lose at chess at… barely eight in the morning?”.

Steve grunted again, “I haven’t lost”.

“Not yet”, Tani clicked her tongue, “But I know this is the perfect spot to keep the bedroom door on your sights. And I know Daniel is still a sleeping beauty in there”.

Steve’s gaze flickered to Tani’s smug one. The night before Steve had woken Danny just enough so he could fumble back to the room. Steve didn’t sleep again.

“When did you suddenly become Sherlock Holmes?”.

“When you’ve been staring at this game for twenty minutes. _Just move a piece_ ”.

Steve did.

Steve lost.

He stared at the bedroom door for a couple of seconds as nothing happened.

They reset the board.

“Hey, uh, weren’t they supposed to come do blood test on us today?”, Junior asked, just getting out of his shower.

Tani hummed, making her move on the board.

“Maybe they’re backed up today”, Steve guessed.

“Yeah, maybe”, Junior agreed, making his way to the bedroom.

Steve and Tani kept playing.

“Have you talked to your brother while you’re here?”, Steve asked.

“If you’re trying to throw me off my game, is not gonna work”.

“That would be a Danny Williams move, thank you very much. I’m just asking. I haven’t seen you or Junior make any calls these six days and we’ll be out tomorrow”.

“I _texted_ Koa”, she said, “But thanks though, for asking”.

“Sure”, he nodded as he took her queen on the board.

He waited for the gasp, but Tani just chuckled, “You’re so predictable”, she said as she won again.

“Aren’t you supposed to be some big strategist?”.

He turned to the bedroom door, Danny rubbing at his eyes as he approached the table, towel over his shoulder.

Steve could tell Tani was staring at him.

“He’s actually not a bad chess player”, Tani said, Danny raised his eyebrows at her, “It’s just that I’m so much better”.

Danny snorted, making his way to the bathroom.

“So, how’s Koa, then?”, Steve asked, leaning back against his chair, not really feeling like losing another game anymore.

Tani shrugged, “He said he’s laying low at home, but who knows”.

“If you want, Adam can probably go check in on him”, he offered, but she shook her head.

“I’m just going to have to trust him”.

Steve nodded, “He’s a good kid, right?”.

Tani smiled, “Yeah”, then, “Do you think Junes is dancing in the room?”, she asked.

Steve smiled too, “Doctor Keller really is taking too long today”.

Steve was ready to be out of there, even if it was only happening the day after. But the blood work was a step towards their release, and Steve was getting ready to join Junior’s dancing if it meant time would go by faster.

He was also ready to be able to talk to Danny without anyone around.

If the last few days taught him anything, was that they needed to have common ground on this whole thing. Talk without measure until they were on the same page.

Steve had no idea where they would land though.

“Hey, you guys should bet something”, Junior reappeared from the bedroom, going to seat by the couch, “Maybe you could win with the right incentive, sir”.

Tani raised her eyebrows at him, playful smile already in place.

“What, like fifty bucks?”.

“No, that’s boring”, she said, “Something like…Oh, you could shave your head”.

Steve snorted, “That’s not incentive enough”.

“Tani will shave hers if she loses”, Junior offered.

“Yeah, right”.

“You think I won’t do it?”.

Steve levelled her with a look, “Tani, c’mon”.

She leaned forward on the table, “ _I’ll do it_ , McGarrett, _c’mon_ ”.

Junior snorted from the couch, probably having foreseen Tani’s competitive streak making an appearance.

They were in the middle of the game when Danny resurfaced from the bathroom, wet hair dripping onto his white shirt.

“Did I hear that Tani was shaving her head?”, he asked, sitting between the two of them.

“Only if I lose, _Danno_ ”, she answered with laser focused eyes on the board.

Danny huffed, “Oh, _that_ caught on. _Great_ ”.

Just as the hermetic doors hissed as they were being opened.

“Doctor K, howzit”, Tani said, but to no answer, though she didn’t seem to notice.

“Hey, where’s doctor Keller?”, Junior asked, looking up from the couch.

Danny leaned back on his chair to greet him too.

Steve turned his head from the game just as the guy pulled a gun from his medic’s bag.

Steve jumped, knocking onto the table and making the pieces wobble, “ _Woah, woah”_ , he said, raising his hands, just in time that everyone else did so too.

With the hazmat suit on, it was hard to see anything aside from the man’s dangerous eyes. Steve mapped all the ways to the front door in his head, having the dining table between them or with the wall in front of the couches as cover, but there’s was no path that wouldn’t end up with _someone_ getting hurt.

“Phones on the table, _now_ ”, the man ordered.

They obeyed.

He tossed them zip ties, ordering them to restrain their own wrists.

They obeyed again.

Steve tried mediating and telegraphing their actions, but his mind was running every possible scenario for what that man wanted. If he was the one threatening him, or sent by the person responsible. This could be payback for an infinite number of cases and ops. Could be related to Five-0 and not Steve in particular.

The man told them to kneel and Steve stomach churned as they obeyed again.

He watched the man tear apart the room’s interphone with one hand, then step forward to crash their phones beneath his feet.

Steve shared a look with Tani beside him.

“That suit won’t protect you”, Tani bargained, “There’s steps you need to take to not get contaminated. Do you understand? _It’s a process_ ”.

“You probably already exposed yourself to a lethal virus that has a very high mortality rate”, Steve went on, keeping his voice stern and levelled as he stared at the man, “Now, if that’s the case you’re gonna need the antidote, and if you kill us, you can’t get that”.

That was maybe the one card they held to negotiate.

Which evaporated as the man pulled at his hazmat suit, uncovering his head and pulling at his oxygen mask.

Steve closed his eyes for just a moment, just as the man said:

“Don’t worry about me”, Steve held his breath, “Worry about him”.

As Steve opened his eyes, the gun was pointed at Danny.

Steve still wasn’t breathing.

“Do you remember me? Detective Williams?”

Danny breathed, “No, I don’t know who you are. Should I know who you are?”

“Pity”.

A shot rang out.

Danny gasped and doubled over.

Steve jumped towards him.

Another shot.

The man fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from the song all is now harmed, by ben howard
> 
> chapter set around 8x7 to 8x10 with bits of dialogue from them! Though in the show the begining of the season is by the end of the year and the timeline of this fic they're in June/July  
> and whew! i think this is the longest chapter i probably written for this fic, probably should've divided in two but i kinda think of each chapter as their own kind of story arc for the characters? so i liked this chapter to be just a really long one
> 
> no rambling from me today aside from me saying here Imma huge whump fan, i live for this stuff. But I hope you guys like this one! I'm assuming that this fic might end up around 250.000 words, more or less, but things will brighten up soon at this slowest of slow burns. As always thanks for commenting, kudo-ing and everything!


	19. Keep me from ending my long days with you

-

_Oh._

-

There was a bullet hole on Danny’s chest. So that meant there was a gaping wound on Steve’s.

He spared the dead man only a look as he crouched over Danny on the floor, both their hands still tied.

“ _Danny_ , Danny, you hang in there, Danny”, Danny looked at him with slow eyes and Steve didn’t think about holding his head in between his hands on the boat. Steve looked over to the breakfast table, still covered in trays and plates, “You hang on”, he repeated breathlessly as he got up again, “ _Tani_ ”, he called, throwing his tied hands over the mess on table and pushing it all to the floor.

“ _C’mon, c’mon_ ”, he urged her.

Tani grabbed a piece of broken plate from the floor and cut his ties.

Steve crouched back over Danny, cutting his ties too, calling him but to no answer.

He ripped Danny’s shirt open over the wound, still spitting blood.

“I’m getting help”, Tani said. Beside him Junior was searching the man’s body, but Steve wasn’t paying attention.

“Junior, get me something for the bleeding”, he ordered, then “Danny, you hang in there, hang in there, buddy”.

Junior handed him a towel and Steve put it over Danny’s wound, keeping it pressured.

Danny’s eyes flickered open for just a second.

Then Tani was calling him, showing him a bomb the man must have attached to the door, locking them in. Steve tried thinking back to the boring times in quarantine, his mind wondering about exit strategies and survival tactics just in case.

He still came up empty.

He checked the man’s gun, but the chamber only had both used bullets in it. He checked the man’s bag, but it had been just a prop.

“Plan-B?”, Tani asked.

Steve knelt beside Danny again, “Find a way to get someone up here!”

“And how am I supposed to do that? This is an isolated wing, that glass is -”.

Steve really didn’t have time to brainstorm.

“ _Figure out, just figure out!_ ”, Steve yelled. In any other situation he probably would’ve used what Danny called his Commander voice, but his eyes felt to dry and not dry enough at the same time, his throat like sandpaper at every word, and he didn’t feel like a Commander right then and there.

Tani glared at him before turning back to the bomb.

Steve turned back to the Danny and his half-lidded eyes, murmuring, “I’m gonna roll you over, Danny, I gotta see behind you, alright?”.

But Danny was mumbling something, his hands trying to fumble uncoordinatedly.

Steve lifted Danny’s shoulder, trying to be careful, but the shoulder came with no resistance.

Bellow it there was a small pool of blood.

“Danno?”, he tried, “Talk to me, man. It’s a through and through, okay?”.

“It’s too far right for the heart and too high for the liver”, Junior reported as they sat Danny back to the floor. Steve’s hands found their way back to Danny’s neck, cupping the back of his head.

“But here’s the bad news, okay? I think it punctured a lung”, Steve tried enunciating.

He heard Danny moan something, but couldn’t make it out.

Tani started banging a chair against the reinforced acrylic walls, but not even making a dent on them. She grunted and threw the chair to the floor, “I had to try”, she complained before kicking at the thing so hard it toppled over again.

Danny moaned one more time, unsteady hand covering Steve’s over his neck.

“What, Danno, what?”, he murmured, lowering himself to Danny’s mouth, trying to make sense of his muttering, but he was gasping for air at every two seconds. Steve rose enough to look back at Danny, “We gotta get you up on this table. Danny, I’m gonna put you on a monitor and keep you stable, alright?”, he turned to Junior, “We’re gonna do it on three, alright?”.

Steve took his hand from under Danny’s and moved over to his legs as Junior grabbed at his arms, they counted and lifted Danny as fast and careful as they could, placing him on the table as he kept grunting.

“ _Steve_ , Steve”, Danny managed to say just above a whisperer. Steve lowered himself to Danny’s face again, “The – button, the – “.

Steve snapped up, “ _Tani!”_

She reappeared, holding on to a fire extinguisher.

“The panic button! _Find it_!”.

Steve ran to the bedroom, grabbing the monitor there and wheeling it back to Danny’s side.

He and Junior worked as if they had done this a million times, working the wires and patch sensors, attaching it all to Danny’s skin until the screen started beeping and coming to life. Steve grabbed at Danny’s hand to place the O2 clip sensor over his finger, still murmuring things to him even though only Junior could hear them.

“His blood pressure is low”, Steve frowned as he read on the monitor.

“Is he going into shock?”, Junior asked, already checking Danny for any physical sign.

“ _McGarrett”_ , Tani called, “ _I got a nurse!”._

She came running to the living room, panic button in hand.

“Mr. Williams?”, Steve heard the mechanical sound of a voice coming through the speaker in the button’s fairing.

“Hello, this is Tani Rei with the Five-0 task force, we’re here on the isolated wing and detective Williams has been shot. We need the bomb squad here ASAP, alright? And a cardio specialist on standby”

“Did you say bomb squad?”, the nurse squeaked.

Steve motioned for the button.

He grabbed and walked away from the table, speaking into it.

“Yes, the bomb squad. This is Commander Steve McGarrett, alright? I need you to call Duke Lukela of HPD. _Talk to him only_. Tell him to get the bomb squad and Captain Lou Grover”.

There was a pause and Steve almost crushed the thing between his fingers, “Yes, sir. What about Mr. Williams?”.

“Get the cardio specialist, but _do not_ , I repeat _do not_ , call it in to the rest of the hospital staff. We do not know if there are any other threats on the hospital”.

Another pause.

“Yes, sir”.

Steve took half a breath before the monitor started beeping frantically.

Danny’s oxygen was dropping even more, his heart rate rising.

Steve’s mind went back to everything he knew about GSW’s and compromised lungs, “His wound’s sucking air, that’s what’s going on, it’s putting pressure on his working lung, that’s why he can’t breathe”, he looked back at Junior, “We gotta make a seal”.

“Trauma dressing?”, Junior promptly asked.

“End tape”.

Junior turned back to the supply closet closest to them.

Steve explained back to Tani what that’d would do, just to have something to focus on other than Danny’s once more damp skin, chilled to the touch. The way he wheezed with every breath.

It didn’t help that Danny kept mumbling about Charlie and Grace beneath him.

“Listen to me, you’re gonna see Grace and Charlie really soon, you understand me?”, he said just as Junior came back with the supplies in hands.

Steve pressed at the wound with the dressing, feeling under his hands the way Danny groaned in pain. He instructed Junior to seal the dressing. They repeated the process on the exit wound. The monitors started beeping more regularly.

But Danny’s oxygen wasn’t changing.

Tani grabbed the dead man’s oxygen tank and they attached it back on Danny.

“It’s not enough”, Steve said. Something was wrong, “And if this tank runs out and we’re still stuck in here, we’re gonna lose him”.

“I’m gonna find something for the pain”, Tani said, moving away and Junior followed.

Steve came closer to Danny again, lowering himself slightly. Hand beside the dressing on his chest, the other shaking the mask softly until Danny blinked his eyes at him.

“Hey, _hey_ , listen to me”, Steve shook the oxygen mask as softly as he could again, “You remember when Charlie was born? Huh, you remember that?”.

He heard Danny wheeze, cough out something like a “Yeah, you putz”, that made Steve laugh and his eyes sting.

“Ok, just pay attention to me, can you do that?”, Steve’s face was inches from Danny’s mask, his hand on the side of it as Danny’s breath came out shallow against the plastic, “I remember that day too. I remember getting there, in the maternity ward, and you were taking a bunch of pictures of Charlie. And you told me they were for Stan. Because no father should miss that. And I remember thinking you were the strongest person I ever met. I mean, who does that? Who helps his ex-wife through labor to a baby you didn’t even know it was yours, and who even goes out of their way to make sure the father has _pictures_? Danny _freaking_ Williams, that’s who. Okay?”, Danny’s eyes were half-lidded, skidding across the room like he couldn’t focus, “Danno, you’re the strongest, most _stubborn_ person I know, and if anyone can pull through this, it’s you. You hear me, buddy? It’s you”.

“Steve”, he heard Tani call him.

Steve didn’t want to let go.

It took maybe five minutes for the trauma specialist to get there. Another fifteen for Lou to show up with HPD.

Steve wanted to not have to do any of this.

The doctor was walking him through relieving the pressure on Danny’s lungs, Steve was trying to keep talking to Danny, but he had no idea if he was conscious enough to listen half the time.

Nothing seemed to work. Danny’s breathing always too shallow.

Lou came, promising they were gonna get them out. Promising that Kono and Jerry were getting to the bottom of this.

Steve wanted to believe him.

He remembered BUDs. He remembered being with arms locked in a row of burly squids, screaming at the top of their lungs, Joe screaming back at them. The freezing cold. The relentless waves crashing into their heads every other seconds. How it froze everything from his nose to his lungs every time he tried to breathe. How he _knew_ there was no way he was going to give up. But at every second he just wanted things to stop.

But Steve wasn’t going to give up.

He looked down at Danny on the table. Heard his name being called every five minutes with a new problem, a new report on the bomb. Danny’s shallow breath.

He remembered the freezing waves. The never-ending screams.

Steve didn’t think his heart could beat any faster until -

“ _Dad!”._

 _“Uncle Steve! Danno!”_.

When Steve looked up from Danny and beyond the specialist on the door, he saw Grace, Will, and Nahele trying to be pushed back by the HPD officers there.

Steve looked back at Junior who held on to Danny’s oxygen mask as Steve ran to the door.

“Nahele! _Get away from here_ _right now_! Grace! Will! You too! _Right now!”._

Lou came stumbling back, “ _Will?!_ ”.

Nahele dribbled one of the officers and stopped right by the door, hands coming up to the glass.

“ _What’re you doing, huh? Get out!”,_ Steve all but yelled.

But his kid shook his head vehemently, “Dad, _listen to me!_ Danny’s got radiation poisoning, okay? _We needed to come tell you_ , no one else knows but his doctor”.

The world came in and out of focus, narrowing in to Nahele’s voice.

“Are you sure?”, the doctor asked Nahele.

Steve waited for the “ _No, I’m not_ ”, a punchline, _anything_ , but his kid remained serious.

“We’re sure”, Grace said, finally getting closer. Then she turned to Steve and her eyes travelled and –

“Grace, I need you to not look in here, okay?”, Steve pleaded, moving closer to the glass, “ _Grace”_ , he said again, making her eyes snap back to him.

She gulped, taking a step back. Nahele put an arm around her shoulders.

Steve looked into her eyes and made a litany of wordless promises. Promises to keep her father safe. Keep him _alive_.

Steve had a million questions, a hundred demands, that all weighted over his chest.

He looked back at Nahele, “Get out of here, alright?”, he said again, staring until Nahele nodded and pulled Grace away with him. She still looked back at Steve.

“Commander, we have a serious problem here”, the doctor said, “I need to find out the status of his condition or we might make this worse”.

Steve nodded, because he had no other choice.

“Did you know about this?”, he heard Tani ask behind him.

Steve could only shake his head, staring through the glass doors at the doctor striding away, and grind out, “I did not”.

“Sir – “, Junior started.

“That’s why we can’t stabilize him”, Steve kept talking quietly, but it felt like he was screaming, “his body is probably too compromised. That’s why he was in ICU – __that’s – _jesus, fuck_ ”.

Steve squeezed his eyes shut, lowering his head against his chest, trying to take a breath. He could smell Danny’s blood on his hands. The gun powder from the fired bullets. There were the two asynchronous beeps, one coming from somewhere on the other side of the door and the other from Danny’s monitor behind him.

The constant nausea a couple months ago, the tiredness in his eyes, the way he had said _“I can’t tell you. But – I’ll tell you eventually. I promise”_.

Danny Williams wasn’t a liar, but he held his deepest truths somewhere inside himself.

 _Festering_.

When Steve looked up, Lou was staring at him from the other side.

“Hey, Lou?”, Steve called quietly.

“I’m right here, buddy”.

Steve breathed.

“Remember what I said, back at Chin’s house. Yeah?”

“I hear you”, then, “All we need is a couple minutes. _We’re gonna_ get you outta there. Your buddy Carson has a plan”.

Steve nodded. Lou turned back.

His eyes caught a glimpse of Carson Rodes, walking with his head down on a tablet with the people from the bomb squad and fire department.

“Steve, I think Danny’s trying to say something”, he heard Junior say behind him.

Junior was still holding on to the oxygen mask while Tani seemed to be trying to gently tame Danny’s drying hair back.

“We think he’s pretty out of it”, she said quietly, “He lost a lot of blood for someone already sick”.

Steve nodded, lowering himself until his ear was close to Danny’s covered mouth.

“Danno? What is it?”, he asked.

Danny mumbled something. Steve couldn’t make it out.

He pushed Junior’s hand away from the mask, putting his own on the side of it, fingers brushing Danny’s ear.

“Danno?”, he tried again.

And out of the whole situation, that was the one thing _inherently wrong_.

Danny Williams wasn’t able to talk.

Steve rose again, hand still holding on to Danny’s face. Still hearing his shallow breaths and the steady beeps of his heart on the monitor.

“Hey, McGarrett”, Steve turned to Carson on the other side of the doors.

“Hey, man”, he breathed.

Carson’s eyes travelled from Steve to Danny for a second.

“You guys better take cover, alright? Take Danny to the other room and huddled up there”, he said.

“What’s going on?”, Junior asked.

Carson pointed to the other side of the room, by the kitchen area, “The wall over there’s coming down”.

Things happened in a daze. Steve, Junior and Tani wheeled Danny to their room. Steve watched Junior pick Danny up and put him in one of the beds. They made a protective wall with the other mattresses. There was an explosion. Steve touched Danny’s chest to feel it rise and fall. The wall was still up. There were loud bangs. The medical team was in.

They wheeled off Danny on a gurney.

Steve’s feet followed.

The doctor stood in front of him.

“I’m sorry, Commander, I cannot let you go with him”, the doctor’s voice was muffled by the hazmat suit, “The three of you still need to be tested for traces of the virus”.

They moved them to a lab on the isolated wing.

They did a blood test.

One, two, three, four hours passed.

No one came with news on Danny’s status.

Steve skin seemed to be three seconds away from crawling away from him.

Kono came in a hazmat suit. She said they found the shooter’s ID. The man was a guy from Jersey, convicted for assault almost twenty years ago.

Steve couldn’t bring himself to care.

Kono’s mouth was in a frown.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you”, she said.

“About what?”

“Danny’s radiation poisoning”, she clarified, “He didn’t want –“

“It’s okay, Kono”, Steve shook his head, “ _It’s fine_ ”. Then, “Hey, can you get me something?”.

Steve stood by the lab’s mirror and sink. Clippers in hand.

“Steve, c’mon, we didn’t even finish the game”.

“We know you would’ve won anyway”.

“Well, yeah, but –“

“Tani, if I don’t do something to pass the time I’ll go crazy, so just – “.

She sighed, “Want any help?”.

They shaved his head.

Two, three, four, five more hours passed.

They did another blood test.

Still no one had come with news on Danny.

They were released in the middle of the night, sometime past midnight. Everyone was still in the waiting room for the O.R.

Will and Nahele were sprawled out on two chairs, backs to each other and heads hanging to either side. Steve’s heart gave a tug, but he let his son keep sleeping. Rachel and Grace were awake a few chairs to the side, Grace with her head on her mother’s shoulder as Eric talked quietly to Rachel.

“Hey”, Lou said as he spotted them, “How you guys doing? Everything checked out?”.

“Yeah, no sign of the virus”, he answered, then asked, glancing at Rachel, “Any news?”.

She shook her head, “No, they haven’t said anything yet”.

“Other than it was going to be a long surgery”, Grace added miserably.

Steve lowered himself slightly, staring at Grace as she stared back at him with her eyes just like her mother’s. He opened his arm. Grace jumped up from her seat.

“C’mon, guys”, he said, eyeing Rachel and Eric as Grace clung to his waist.

Rachel laughed quietly and Eric gulped, but they both got up, squeezing Grace in the middle of their awkward hug.

“He’s tough, okay? He’s tough”, Steve whispered. He wasn’t sure who he was trying to reassure.

As they separated, Rachel smiled at Steve, tapping his shoulder lightly before sitting back down with Grace.

Steve turned to Eric, “You hanging in there?”.

He sniffed and nodded nervously, “Yeah, yeah, I’m hanging in there”.

Steve looked around the waiting room.

Kamekona and Flippa were nodding off, their takeout food only half eaten by the whole group in a table between them. Kono and Adam were one breath away from sleeping too, coffee cups forgotten in their hands. Jerry and Carson were looking through something on a tablet with Lou.

“C’mon”, he said, nodding at Eric as they made their way to the others, “What do you got?”, Steve asked.

“Hello to you too, Commander”, Carson teased him, with only half his natural charm, “We’ve been trying to run a background check on your shooter. Identify the connection with Detective Williams”.

“And we’ve been trying to see where he could’ve gotten his hands on that bomb”, Jerry filled in.

“The bomb squad said it was pretty sophisticated for a homemade job”, Lou said.

“ _I_ said that with the mercury switches he used, there’s no way this was a homemade job. Not with his background as a common lowlife in _Jersey_.”, Carson said, then turned to Eric, “No offense”.

Eric shook his head quietly, glancing at the X-Ray from the bomb on the tablet, “No, you’re right. It takes mad skill to set up a bomb like that”, he said.

Steve glanced at Kono starting to drift off to sleep, then at Lou, “Have you hit up Interpol yet?”.

But by Lou scowl Steve already knew the answer, “We _tried_ , they ain’t helping right now”.

There was a call Steve was going to make in the morning that would tell a different story.

“Commander, can I talk to you?”, Steve turned as Rachel called.

Steve needed any kind of distraction, so he nodded and they moved away from everybody to the hallway.

“What can I do for you, Rachel?”, he asked quietly.

But she shook her head, “Nothing, I’m alright. I just wanted to check in on _you_. You must feel pretty blindsided right now. Danny had been keeping that secret for a while”.

“Yeah, that’s usually your thing”, he mumbled, then winced, “Sorry, I didn’t mean that”.

But she laughed quietly, “No, I think you did. It’s _fine_. I pretty sure you’re right”.

Steve winced again, “So, uh, you knew, huh?”.

Rachel nodded, “Yes, he told me and Grace a couple months ago. He said he’d more careful at work”, she smiled up at him, a knowing look to her eyes.

“Sometimes we don’t really choose the cases we’re gonna get. Or the amount of danger they’re gonna have, y’know?”, Steve tried defending.

“I’m not saying it’s his fault, Commander”, she clarified, “It’s been brought to my attention that I actually do that a lot, so I suppose I’m trying to break the habit”.

That conversation seemed one wrong word away from a disaster. Steve had been expecting the Rachel from that lunch, but this wasn’t it. She probably expected a worried and polite Steve. He wasn’t that either.

“I know about his feeling for you, y’know?”, Rachel said then.

Steve almost took a step back. He cleared his throat, narrowed his eyes for a second, “I’m sorry, what?”.

Now she laughed in amusement, “Daniel _told me_ about his feelings for you. That he’s in love with you”, she said, like it was a normal thing to say for an ex-wife, “I guess I just wanted you to know that I’m happy for him. Alright?”, she gave him a look that made Steve gulp.

“We’re not – “

“I know. But I also know how it’s like”, she smiled again.

Before Steve could ask what she meant, the doctor appeared on the hallway, making his way towards them.

“Doctor, is he okay?”, Rachel stepped forward immediately.

The doctor just gestured to the waiting room where everyone stood in attention as they went back in.

Steve woke Nahele and Will gently, Lou shook the others awake too.

Steve stood with Nahele under his arm besides the doctor as he looked around the people there.

The doctor took a breath.

“By all accounts, most people wouldn’t survive the amount of trauma he did, but your guy’s a fighter”, he started, “He’ll need to be a few more day’s in the hospital, but he’s okay. He pulled through”.

Steve heard cheers, Lou’s _whoop_ , but the only thing in his mind was hugging his son and finally being able to breathe again.

-

It was Sunday morning.

The window on Steve’s bedroom was open, bringing in the sound of the ocean that Danny used to hate. But laying there under the warm blanket, still half asleep, he guessed it wasn’t so bad.

Danny looked blearily to the other side of the bed, empty for a while because Steve was a morning freak, but beneath the cocoon of blankets it was still warm too.

Smiling himself awake, he listened to the footsteps coming up the stairs. He smiled wider as Steve poked his head inside the bedroom.

“Hey, you up”, he said, coming in still wet from his swim.

Danny hummed, sinking his head further to the pillows and staring with hooded eyes. Steve kept smiling as he came to the bed, leaning over Danny to kiss him.

“You’re dripping all over the bed”, Danny murmured as he tilted his head up.

Danny could feel the sheets getting damp already.

Steve just kissed him.

Danny pushed back, his chest soaking against Steve’s.

Steve’s wet hand cradled his neck.

The sheets were getting heavier and heavier over him, clinging to his skin.

“Steve –“, he tried saying, but Steve’s mouth covered his again.

The weight on his chest kept growing.

Steve’s mouth was leaving him gasping for air.

Danny tried pushing at him, but when he opened his eyes, Steve wasn’t there anymore. The room was dark like it was already dusk.

When Danny looked down, he was covered in blood, the sheets dripping wet from it clinging and twisting around him.

He sank right through the mattress.

He had his eyes open but there was only darkness around him. He tried blinking and there were glimpses of Steve’s face over him, saying his name or calling him “ _Danno”_ , hands over his chest where it hurt like he’d been shot.

Something smelled metallic like gun powder.

Steve was screaming at Tani to find a way out.

Danny had a panic button.

He blinked again and he was driving.

Grace was beside him in a wedding dress. She was crying.

“What is it, Monkey?”

“I just don’t know if I can – “, she tried saying.

“Hey, hey”, Danny soothed, putting his hand over hers, “Look, you scared? It’s okay. That’s okay, you’re supposed to be scared, I understand. I was scared. Steve was scared. It’s completely normal”

Grace breathed, “I love him, I do. I just don’t know if that’s enough”.

Danny glanced at her then back to the road ahead, “Why not?”.

“So many things can happen. A plane crash, a bomb going off, someone coming after us”.

Danny frowned.

He looked beside him, and Steve was there. They were at the lookout point, Honolulu and the sea beneath them, bathed in hue of pinks and yellows as the sun started moving down in the sky.

“What’re you saying?”, Danny asked as the sky darkened.

Steve looked at him with a smile, then around them, “We got married here”, he whispered over the wind.

Danny looked around too. The stone bench was still there, the overgrown plants peaking from the other side of it.

“I can’t believe you convinced me to get married here. You know my wedding to Rachel was on a church we had to book a year in advance? There were so many flowers I was drowning”.

Steve snickered, “You didn’t even have time to put shoes on”.

Danny pretended to be annoyed, “You’re an animal”.

Steve was still smiling beside him.

“What’re you looking at me like that for?”, Danny asked, because he didn’t think he’d ever get used to it.

Steve offered him his hand, “Was thinking maybe we get a first dance again”.

Danny rolled his eyes, but still put his hand over Steve’s.

They spun around, trying not trip over each other’s feet, laughing at one another. Steve’s cheek was pressed to the side of Danny’s head.

They were spinning and spinning.

Danny was getting dizzy.

He blinked and Steve’s grip on his hand turned almost painful.

“What is it, babe?”.

Steve didn’t answer.

They kept spinning.

Danny couldn’t breathe.

He let go of Steve’s hand.

He went round and round and tripped over the stone bench and fell.

Steve was over him on the ground of the quarantined room. There was a loud banging somewhere. Danny needed to tell him something. Steve was talking to him. Danny’s chest seemed to be caving in on itself. Steve’s hand was on his neck.

Danny had a panic button.

Things were moving either too fast or at a snail pace. Every time he blinked Steve was somewhere different, his face morphing between a worried frown and halfway to his SEAL face.

Danny felt his vision fraying at the edges and thought of Grace and Charlie. When he blinked again his breath was loud on his ears, something constricting over his face.

Steve’s face was right by his.

He asked about the day Charlie was born.

Danny strained to focus on his voice.

He blinked.

Nahele was graduating.

The team was sitting on the UH’s lawn, a sea of cap and gowns ahead of them as the headmaster called name by name. Every other minute Steve and Danny caught Nahele looking back at them, biting at his lips nervously.

“What does he have to be so nervous about anyway?”, Danny asked, leaning into Steve’s space, “He’s graduating with honors, his professors are basically begging him to come back for his masters. This is the _finish line_!”.

Steve had put an arm around Danny’s shoulders as he gestured and waved as he talked.

“He said he was scared he was gonna trip coming up the stairs”.

Danny snorted, “He’s scared he’s gonna trip and the influencer over there is gonna put it on the internet”.

 _“I wouldn’t_ ”, Charlie leaned forward to berate them.

“You wouldn’t _again_ , you mean?”, Steve gave him his best SEAL stare.

Charlie scrunched his nose and sat back with a grumble, but he had his phone already in his hand.

Danny found the back of Nahele’s head on the crowd ahead and leaned into Steve again, “You raised a good one, buddy”.

Steve squeezed his shoulder, “ _We_ did”.

“You guys are disgustingly sweet”, Kono said to his other side, “My unborn child already has diabetes just from this interaction, just so you know”.

“Your unborn child loves his uncles, shush”, Steve cooed.

Kono rolled her eyes, putting a hand over her belly over the one Adam couldn’t seem to take off of it.

Danny felt the blazing sun burning the top of his head, everything seemed to get too bright around them.

“You okay?”, Steve whispered.

Danny blinked and saw a Junior and Tani over him, a white ceiling above them.

He blinked and the headmaster called on Nahele. He didn’t trip.

He heard someone calling him and Steve. He looked around but everyone was just smiling and clapping.

Steve was yelling something.

Danny looked and he had a glisten to his eye as his son accepted the diploma.

He could feel his breath picking up as he heard Steve yell. As he saw everyone clapping and smiling.

He heard Nahele’s voice say radiation poisoning and the weight on his chest made him gasp for air.

The graduation dissolved around him.

Steve was standing in front of the quarantine door. He wasn’t moving.

“Did you know about this?”, Tani asked.

Danny wheezed.

“I did not”, Steve’s low voice.

Danny just wanted to say he was sorry.

He was so sorry.

-

The steady beep of a heart monitor over the sound of a quiet snore woke him gradually. He could feel the light weight of a cannula under his nose, helping him breathe.

He looked around blearily, mind fuzzy and slow. By the lack of hotel décor and the number of machines around him, he assumed he was in ICU.

Steve was on a chair beside him, head hung low over his chest, arms crossed. Even in his sleep he was frowning.

Danny tried calling him, but felt his throat too dry and eyes already closing again.

He didn’t know how many times he woke only for a couple of seconds, just enough to see Steve still there, only with different lighting around him. Pink, orange, white or yellow. Arms crossed over his chest or hands on his lap. Drifting off to sleep or talking to a nurse, one other time he was talking to Rachel, another it was Kono.

When the room was dark, with a low pink light starting to come over it, Danny’s mind seemed clearer, his eyelids not a second away from closing again.

Steve was still beside him, hooded eyes staring at the window across the room.

With a deep breath, he said, “Steve”.

Steve’s eyes snapped to him, face going from a hard frown to surprise then a frown again.

“Hey”, he mumbled, “How are you feeling? I’ll go get a nurse, tell them you’re awake”, he made to get up, but Danny fumbled with his hands to make him stay.

“No, no, I’m fine. Wait a… wait a second, alright?”, he rasped with effort.

Steve stared back at him, smoothing his face over as he sat down again.

Danny took another breath, but for once in his life, he couldn’t seem to figure out what to say.

Steve just stared at him.

“What the hell happened to your head?”, he ended up blurting, glancing at Steve’s close shave.

With a surprised raise of his hand, like Steve forgot about the haircut, he scrubbed his hand back and forth in the buzzed hair with a sigh.

But he didn’t answer.

The shadows on the walls grew sharper as the sunlight grew brighter on the room. Danny supposed it could be a peaceful moment outside, before the world was awake. The low wind, the birds’ first chirps of the day.

Inside the hospital room the sunlight filled in the noises of machine whirls, air vents groaning and Danny’s heart beating in high notes and bleeps.

“I’m sorry”, Danny finally croaked.

Steve closed his eyes in a frown for just a second. Danny wanted to be able to put a hand over his furrowed brows. He felt waves crashing inside his chest, but his hands were full of sand, trying to stop the tide.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”, Steve murmured.

“I didn’t know how”.

“ _Bullshit,_ Danny. _Why didn’t you tell me?_ ”.

Danny took as deep a breath as he could, looking up at the hospital room ceiling.

He had a million half-truths to say to that.

But he had a few complete truths too.

“I knew you… you would just try and take on all the responsibility, so – I… I wanted you to feel like you could count on me”, he had to take another breath, “I didn’t want you to have _another_ reason to sideline me. Another reason to think like I couldn’t have your back like I’m supposed to. Because _that’s my job_ , okay? Having your back. I just – _I didn’t want to be a liability_ ”.

Steve squeezed his eyes shut, mouth in a frown, before he dropped his face against his hands.

“ _Jesus, Danny_ ”, Steve’s voice was muffled.

Danny’s head was turned to Steve, his brain was hurting to keep up with all the drugs he probably had in his system making him kinda loopy, and it was making his feelings seem all over the place. His chest was hurting, but it wasn’t from the bullet wound or his busted lungs

Steve looked back at him. The dawning light made his eyes look impossibly clear.

“Me making sure you’re okay it’s not a fucking _liability_ ”.

Then his eyes widened.

“Steve?”, Danny rasped.

-

Oh.

-

“Steve?”

-

_Oh._

-

Then –

“Why are you looking at me like that for?”.

Steve’s eyes had softened. He shook his head like he was trying to shake something off of it.

“I’m an idiot”, he said, like it made sense, “Alright?”.

Danny frowned, trying to shrug even though it was an awkward position, “I’m pretty sure I told you that before, babe”.

Even though the comment was barely funny, Steve still smiled. He leaned forward, grabbing Danny’s hand over the bed. He couldn’t place when Steve’s whole demeanor had changed, but it did.

“I’m still pissed at you. But I’ve been telling myself these same things for a while now”.

“Steve, I’m really too drugged right now to know what the hell you’re talking about”.

With another small shake of his head, Steve looked down at their hands, “I’ve been telling myself that I didn’t want my feelings for you to become a liability. I didn’t want it to put a target on your back”

Danny felt like he was still hallucinating back at the quarantine room. He almost considered trying to pinch himself.

“Feelings?”, was all he managed to ask.

Steve nodded, eyes sharp as he seemed to sort out his own thoughts quietly. Danny felt electricity beneath his skin.

Steve breathed, looked Danny in his eyes.

“Yeah. I’ve been – accepting I had feelings for you for a while now, but I was too scared to put a name on it yet. It’s just – Danny, you know I love you. I _have loved_ you for so long. I’m not even sure when it changed or _if_ it even changed at all”.

Danny tried thinking back to barely a minute ago. They had been in the brink of a fight, Steve had been so frustrated. He couldn’t understand how they got to the soft, focused look on Steve’s eyes. So he just held on to Steve’s hand as tight as he could, feeling Steve hold back.

“This is really awkward when you can literally hear my heart beating, y’know”, Danny mumbled around a faltering smile. Steve still laughed, “I thought – I didn’t think you had _feelings_. For me, I mean”, Danny stuttered, trying to make his mouth work with his sleep addled brain.

As the sun started to brighten the room in golden light, Danny really thought none of this was real. Every time Steve averted his eyes to the light, Danny thought the dream would dissolve around him.

“I’m sorry, okay? That night after Chin’s party, I didn’t know how I really felt or what I wanted to do, but I guess I ended up making things worse for the both of us”.

“Wow, three ‘sorry’s’ in like a month, I’m flattered babe”, Danny couldn’t help but tease, because he knew Steve would roll his eyes at him.

He kept holding on to Danny’s hand.

Danny sighed then, “You know now?”, he asked quietly. Because he knew Steve. More importantly, he knew Steve’s _faces_. And the face he would make when he set his mind on something. That wasn’t the face he was wearing now, though if looked halfway there.

“Yes and no. Respectively”, he answered, making Danny roll his eyes, “I know how I feel. I only told Catherine I loved her when I lost her. I don’t want to do that with you, and we came close these last few days”.

A pause.

“But?”, Danny pressed.

Steve huffed.

“Why are you rushing me? Lemme get there on my own”, he complained, “You’re the one who keeps calling me a caveman, you should know by now this isn’t – y’know, _my thing_ ”.

Danny felt his eyes squeeze against his cheeks as he smiled, “You’re better than you think, babe”.

Steve shoulders sagged in a defeated laugh then.

“Y’know, I can’t actually believe this is happening”, Steve said, as coyly as Danny ever seen him. Which, to be fair, wasn’t much.

“Hey, if anyone’s gonna hallucinate here, is me”, Danny murmured. Then he couldn’t help himself and ask, “What are you saying though? What do you want?”.

Steve took a breath, eyes searching for something Danny couldn’t really see.

Seconds ticked by with every monitored heartbeat.

“I want time”, he said simply.

Danny watched Steve frown, look down at their joined hands again. Danny wondered if that was how Steve looked, when Danny called in the middle of the night. Worried about things he couldn’t touch.

“That’s what I was gonna say, that night. When Lou called. That I needed time to figure my feelings out. But I – That’s not why I need time for.”, Steve kept talking quietly, “I kept thinking that I wasn’t figuring my feelings out because a relationship would put you danger, and that really was one of the reasons. But actually the other it’s the same reason I didn’t try anything for the last seven years”.

A hundred odd thoughts ran through Danny’s mind and then got stuck in a halt, “The last _seven years?_ Really?”.

With a squint, Steve smiled and shrugged, “Well, yeah. I always thought about it. That maybe we could work it out together”.

“What stopped you then?”.

“That maybe we couldn’t”.

The grip in his hand tightened again.

“We don’t have the best track record for long-lasting _happy_ relationships”, Danny agreed, biting at his top lip in a frown.

“Not really that. I didn’t want to risk losing you as _my friend,_ Danny. I didn’t want to be with you, then break-up, and that would be it, y’know? We would be out of each other’s lives because of it”.

There was a beat of silence as they took each other in. Steve’s words weighing on the air between them, making it more real against the light.

“So, what I’m hearing is that now you’re actually okay with risking my life just to get some?”

Steve snorted shaking his head down, “Jesus _Christ_ , Danny”.

“Sorry”, Danny started with a smile, trying to seat up but ended up groaning in defeat as his chest protested, “I’m _kidding_. I’m not that great with big emotional conversations either”, he admitted, “But we kinda need this one, huh?”.

Steve huffed a breath, “Yeah, we suck at it, but I think we do”.

Then Steve’s phone rang.

And rang.

“Uh, you’re gonna get that?”, Danny asked.

“Nope”, he said, grabbing the phone from his pockets with his other hand and turning it off.

“Wow, grand gesture, huh?”, Danny kept teasing.

“Shut up”.

“I’m just saying, in seven years, you never made me feel more important, babe”.

“ _Shut up_ ”, Steve said again, though his voice came out a little high. He looked Danny over, “You good?”.

Either Danny’s drugs were running low or his pain was getting higher, because his breathing was starting to get harder to manage around it, his head wasn’t feeling fuzzy anymore, if anything it was too sharp.

“It’s – uncomfortable”.

“We can pick this up later, Danno”.

Danny shook his head, “No, no, we’re gonna jinx it”.

“Jinx it?”, Steve smiled.

Danny pushed his head against the pillows, chasing the comfort for a second, “Yeah, you doofus. You say we can do this later and then it’ll be _months_ later. Just keep talking until I pass out again”.

“I think we reversed our roles in this thing, buddy”, Steve joked lightly.

There probably was still a good deal of painkillers in his IV, because Danny didn’t find it in himself to counter that.

He let his eyes wonder, from Steve’s horrible haircut to the slope of his shoulders as he leaned against the bed. How Danny never saw him this way, bashful and confident at the same time.

“You were talking about time, babe”, he pushed gently.

A breath, then another frown, “Yeah. It’s just – you were talking about not telling me about the radiation poisoning so you wouldn’t be a liability and I just – I realized none of my reasons made sense. I had sorted out my feelings a long time ago, I just didn’t want to admit it. You’re in danger whether I told you about it or not. The only thing it did was make us distant like I didn’t want us to be.”, Steve put his other hand under Danny’s then, “So I wanted to tell you. That I feel the same way as you do. Because not telling you didn’t accomplish anything.”.

Danny felt so warm he almost considered asking Steve to check if he had a fever.

But –

“I said you were talking about time, this isn’t you talking about time”, he pointed out.

The look on Steve’s face was his laser focus one. A frown deep in his brows, eyes focused on one singular point, mouth firmly shut.

Danny couldn’t believe this was happening.

Steve’s face relaxed, he took a breath, “I said I wanted time, right? Not to sort my feelings out. But to sort out everything else. I’m still scared this person coming after me will use you. I’m scared this is just what my life is gonna be like, always looking over my shoulder. And, you know, I have Nahele now, this can’t be his life too. And you and me, we’ve been friends for a long time now, this whole thing might take some getting used to, and… and, uh –”.

Steve looked at him Danny, like he ran out of words.

“Steve”, Danny smiled.

“Yeah?”.

“Are you asking me to take things slow?”, Danny’s smile just kept growing as he talked.

Steve visibly gulped, took out one of his hand to scratch at his head.

“Hm, yeah. Yeah, I guess I am”, he cleared his throat, “Can you? I mean can you give me this time?”.

Danny didn’t know how else to look at him if not with fondness, “It’s been seven years. I don’t think I’m going anywhere”.

The golden sunrise light suddenly deemed as Steve smiled at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song after the war, by branches
> 
> chapter set around 8x10 with various bits and pieces of dialogue from that ep, though i made some plot changes like the panic button, because i saw somewhere some panic buttons have little speakers on them or something like that, but im not actually sure they do that  
> i'm a firm believer that once steve figured out his feelings for danny, he'd be all in all at once, saying what he felt with not much preamble. though i realise i might be a minority in the fandom, but i like the idea that they would take time to figure things out and not just jump into a relationship. so yeah, everything is finally out in the open for these idiots! but we still have ways to go on this fic, hope you guys bear with me a little while longer
> 
> hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and steve's 'oh' moment, even if it was a 'oh, Imma idiot' moment. im not sure when the next chapter is going to be ready to post, so i might be awol for at least a couple weeks here, but you guys can go on my [**Tumblr**](https://whateverfandomworks.tumblr.com)  
>  and nag me into writing if you want. And as always, thanks for reading and commenting!


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